Are We In A 'falang Bubble'?

[kevvy]

Get out of the house every day and go play golf, cycle like vf does, take photos, have lunch with the locals,

........and now someone who has a bit of an imagination.

I don't honestly see how someone wouldn't want to go out of the house every day.Staring at the same four walls day after day is a surefire recipe for lunacy!

Yeh, l am there.

i am there as well. I love staying home and doing my own thing...

[catrike]

I love my bubble. I have to go out to get things from time to time and my wife drags me out for dinner and occaisional family stuff and it all feels balanced to me. I did all the crazy stuff for my first couple years here and that was fun, but met a wonderful Thai woman and it was a easy transition to the life I enjoy today. She's a student at ABEC so is gone during the week and that gives me time to do the things I enjoy.

I used to be a bit of a adventure junkie, which I loved at the time, but don't feel the need anymore. My son got me addicted to a racing sim, GT5 and that has been a cool hobby. Great online community to race with and practice perfecting racing skills. My biggest adventure these days is running into town on the motorbike and trying to make it home alive.

I've had a great life, but a lot of it was doing what I had to do. Now I get to do what I want to do. This is the life I dreamed about for all those years. IT's actually not very different from the life we lived in Florida. After she graduates we'll no doubt go on to the next adventure.

I retired pretty young so I've already completed my bucket list and then some. I think the key is to love the life you have or change it into a life you can love.

BTW, this is my first post. someone hijacked this account after I set it up and didn't use it. I see I have to figure out how to change the signature.

Edited October 30, 2012 by catrike

[Unwisemonkey]

people who live in places like Bangkok, Phuket, or Pattaya. They seem more engaged in life.

You mean going to bars every day/night?

I live in Bangkok and I don't go to Bars every night. In fact I did something I wanted to for a long time recently and went to the Boys orphanage to volunteer my time coloring with them and give them food.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Other TV members may disagree, but from communicating with friends I would say it's a truism that people who are transitioning to middle age can count on one hand close friends; those with whom you have empathy, trust, respect & love. With close friends no matter how distant in miles, your not lonely or isolated

But having people you trust and identify with you can get together with on a regular basis is IMO very important.

Yes it's more difficult in this day and age, not just being overseas, but if you make the effort to first be a good friend one day you'll wake up and realize you have a reasonable number of good friends around you. It's just a numbers game, just like finding the good girls a large percentage prove unresponsive or undeserving or just not a good fit, but you've got to be willing to get out there and throw your hat in the ring.

[TommoPhysicist]

Other TV members may disagree, but from communicating with friends I would say it's a truism that people who are transitioning to middle age can count on one hand close friends; those with whom you have empathy, trust, respect & love. With close friends no matter how distant in miles, your not lonely or isolated

Back in the west I had made an early transition from middle age to old age.

Now in Thailand with a much younger wife, I have transitioned back to early middle age.

New family, new baby, more active outdoorsy lifestyle, healthier eating habits, big weight loss.

Maybe you should trade up to a younger wife?

[transam]

Other TV members may disagree, but from communicating with friends I would say it's a truism that people who are transitioning to middle age can count on one hand close friends; those with whom you have empathy, trust, respect & love. With close friends no matter how distant in miles, your not lonely or isolated

Back in the west I had made an early transition from middle age to old age.

Now in Thailand with a much younger wife, I have transitioned back to early middle age.

New family, new baby, more active outdoorsy lifestyle, healthier eating habits, big weight loss.

Maybe you should trade up to a younger wife?

Think you need a new or your old avatar. .............. Edited October 30, 2012 by transam

[cooked]

I am afraid of a bubble that consists of me afraid of leaving my air conditioned cocoon, drinking beer all day and ranting on TV. And wondering why my wife throws me out in 5 years time.

I'm sure that many end their days here like that.

[simple1]

Other TV members may disagree, but from communicating with friends I would say it's a truism that people who are transitioning to middle age can count on one hand close friends; those with whom you have empathy, trust, respect & love. With close friends no matter how distant in miles, your not lonely or isolated

Back in the west I had made an early transition from middle age to old age.

Now in Thailand with a much younger wife, I have transitioned back to early middle age.

New family, new baby, more active outdoorsy lifestyle, healthier eating habits, big weight loss.

Maybe you should trade up to a younger wife?

I understand what you're saying. For many years I was in the corporate world & I can tell you that aged me. Went through three marriages, then on holiday traveling around Thailand met my now wife & that took years of stress off my face - happy with what we have...

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I don't honestly see how someone wouldn't want to go out of the house every day.Staring at the same four walls day after day is a surefire recipe for lunacy!

Maybe you've hit on the answer to the eternal question "what's up with all those loonies over at TV.com?"

[simple1]

Other TV members may disagree, but from communicating with friends I would say it's a truism that people who are transitioning to middle age can count on one hand close friends; those with whom you have empathy, trust, respect & love. With close friends no matter how distant in miles, your not lonely or isolated

But having people you trust and identify with you can get together with on a regular basis is IMO very important.

Yes it's more difficult in this day and age, not just being overseas, but if you make the effort to first be a good friend one day you'll wake up and realize you have a reasonable number of good friends around you. It's just a numbers game, just like finding the good girls a large percentage prove unresponsive or undeserving or just not a good fit, but you've got to be willing to get out there and throw your hat in the ring.

I agree your approach is fine, but for me it's in an instant whether I perceive someone to be worth the effort to develop a friendship. I've always liked the descriptive word "epiphany".

[Sharp]

Everyone is entitled to their own little bubble, enjoy as long as you're able to keep the pricks away.

Nice ..

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[ripstanley]

I think your situation is quite common among foreigners that have chosen to live out in the sticks.

Very rare with people who live in places like Bangkok, Phuket, or Pattaya. They seem more engaged in life.

I would say the exact opposite.

With a Thai wife in a small village you are more likely to be interacting with the local population

It is the people in Bangkok, Pattaya etc who live in the Farang Bar Bubble

I have lived in Phuket ( month there and a month away) and now live in the north ( full time) in a small village near Phayao. I aggree I have had more interaction in our small village.

[jaideeguy]

Thanks again folks for keeping this topic on track and offering your input to my OP........very un-thaivisa like to have a civil adult conversation!!.

I just wanted to add that this topic has made me feel that I've always been [what I call] 'a fringe person'......living in Hawaii for a decade off power, water etc, then a few years living in a grass shack in a very remote area of the Northern Luzon mountains, and now in a remote area of Chiang Mai in the ricefields and this discussion has made me feel quite normal in my pursuit of peace and quiet here in LOS. It is comforting to know that there are other fringe people here that enjoy the freedom of a solitary lifestyle that I called my 'bubble'.

I guess that the earth can be termed a 'bubble' and we occupy our own little bubbles and we try to keep the pressure at a moderate level so as not to burst our bubbles

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I agree your approach is fine, but for me it's in an instant whether I perceive someone to be worth the effort to develop a friendship. I've always liked the descriptive word "epiphany".

Sure nice when you've got that kind of instant rapport, but in the rarified circles here it may be necessary to give others a bit of a chance too - first impressions are deceiving as we constantly are reminded her on TV.com.

Lots of people here are very wary (rightfully so) and it takes time to build up trust to the point where they start to actually open up as a result of long-term mutual honesty and acceptance.

Some of my best relationships have been with people I started off thinking were real looney tunes, but once I got past their idiosyncrasies turned out to be well worth knowing.

[AbeSurd]

I remember a quote from my oldest falang expat guru 25 yrs ago......'Over here [in Asia] we're completely on our own" and those words are proving to be sage advise.

OP, you're quoting this very stark assessment from your 'expat guru' and yet you have a 'dutiful' wife and two kids? It seems to me this may be the real heart of your dilemma.

Or perhaps you don't really have a dilemma? (I just read your 'fringe person' post.)

On the one hand you make it sound as if you are content enough with your family life - and yet you feel ... .'Over here [in Asia] we're completely on our own"?

You feel COMPLETELY on your own?

To someone like me, a Brit who's 60 and has lived on his own in Thailand for the last four years, this comment does rather stick out like a sore thumb.

Please understand I'm not having a go at you in the slightest. Just saying.

Good luck.

[TommoPhysicist]

and now in a remote area of Chiang Mai in the ricefields ....

I'm not sure I would class a failed moobaan half way between Doi Saket and Bo Sang as remote ........

Now I'm remote, over by the border near Wiang Sa!

Edited October 30, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[Gary A]

Without my wife, my bubble would definitely collapse. I hate going shopping but she doesn't mind. She is a social person and I am not. She is aware that I am a crotchety old fart and that I like my privacy. Her family lives in the next village and she spends a lot of time with them. When they do come here to the house, they normally sit outside and gab. I don't do social things with them. I do go to my favorite watering hole once or twice a week and have a few beers with a good Thai friend and whatever farang friends happen to be there.

My wife is an active farmer and when it is planting or harvest time, she tells me that she doesn't have time to take care of me and urges me to go down to Jomtien or elsewhere to visit with my old friends. My condo in Jomtien easy to rent but she would rather I leave it empty so I can stay there whenever it suits me (and her). It is a nice condo but after five days or so I am ready to go back home to my bubble.

All my life I have been pretty much of a loner. I have never liked making commitments or plans. Nearly everything I do is on the spur of the moment. Maybe at this point age has something to do with how I prefer to live. I'm not a hermit but I only do the things that suit me when I want to do them.

Maybe the only exception is that my best friend lives in Florida. He comes over here once or twice a year so while he is here I entertain him the best that I can. He will be here in a week or so. We normally go somewhere in Thailand other than Pattaya or Jomtien. Last year we went to Cambodia. This year we will visit different places here in Thailand.

Life for me is good and I live it as I choose. My wife is a saint to put up with me but she has been putting up with me for about eight years now.

[aussiebebe]

I like living in my falang bubble - my advice to the OP is not to worry about Thai language, do try to learn and it will come, or not, but ultimately don't worry. I learnt a little Thai through studying at a Thai language center but the sense of worry about the need to learn just comes and goes. A quote I really like is:

❝Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.❞

‒Sarah Caldwell

in Thailand, however, you must expect to encounter negative situations you are quite grateful that you can't understand. So just relax.

[loong]

Excellent Topic OP.

I too, could be considered as living in a bubble. It is by choice and I am quite happy with it. Mind you, my bubble could be much improved if I could only kick out the Missus's 18 year old son.

In a previous relationship, I used to socialise. We used to have people (Thai) come round for drinks, but it got too much. too often in the end.

My Missus doesn't drink, so I am happy about that.

I used to go to events, but basically got sick and tired with strangers constantly asking for cigarettes and alcohol.

I will pass the time of day with the locals in this village, but never sit and have a drink with them. That's the way I like it. The locals know that it's a waste of their time to try and get me to buy their alcohol and no longer bug me.

Yesterday evening I went to the local shop and bought a few cans of beer. There was a stranger there who said that she would like to drink a beer.

I told her that if she gave 25 Bt to the lady in the shop, she will give her a can of beer. Gets a laugh from the locals

[Naam]

I am mostly happy at home......

Are there others out there in 'the falang bubble'??? and are you happy??

what you describe i practice since 23 years. not necessarily in a "farang bubble" because i spent 15 years in my own bubble in "farang land".

whether i am happy depends on the definition of "happy". i'd rather call my status "quite content/satisfied".

[Naam]

I'm reading the OP two ways.....one is the OP is fed up with the BS of daily life and the other is the OP is worried that he is in danger of isolating himself to his detriment.

OP.......you are the author of your own misfortune the more you withdraw the more incapable you will become of interacting with the outside world. You have created your own vicious circle.

If you think it's bad now just wait three years, you will become a social cripple.

Get out of the house every day and go play golf, cycle like vf does, take photos, have lunch with the locals,

Just go mingle with the World, then retire to your castle, close the door and enjoy your bubble.

It's your castle.......not your gilded cage.

good job "the blether'! it's not easy to pack that much nonsensical advice in five sentences.

i speak of course from my very own perspective... but the OP seems to agree with you.

[Naam]

Get out of the house every day and go play golf, cycle like vf does, take photos, have lunch with the locals,

........and now someone who has a bit of an imagination.

I don't honestly see how someone wouldn't want to go out of the house every day.Staring at the same four walls day after day is a surefire recipe for lunacy!

some people have more than four walls to look at. not everybody lives in an unfurnished room

[IamNotaNumber]

I live in exactly the same bubble here as I have lived in for the last 40 years elsewhere, and I love it.

I have no idea who my neighbours are and it suits me fine. Probably suits them fine too.

I'm not interested in local goings-on, unless they involve nearby building works etc., traffic deviations or other similar upheaval.

So it's not a "farang bubble", it's my bubble. And it's just fine.

Why did you bother to leave your home country then?

That's easy.

My bubble here is cheaper, the weather is better and the local food is tastier. And there are fewer silly rules here (though that has changed a lot over the years, with more to come I suspect).

That's all.

[IMA_FARANG]

Well I have my own interests and I persue them.

In that way I'm rather an intervert I guess.

However, to be clear, I've been doing things my way for 66 years now, and I intend to keep doing things my way as long as I can, thank you very kindly.

It's just my nature, others are quite welcome to do things their way.

I just intend to go in whatever direction I please to go.

Other's who wish to go off in another direction from mine....good trip, and I wish you all well on your journey.

Maybe that IS a bubble, but if my life is a bubble....it's my bubble.

I've always been an independent type person, following my own path, and now that I'm getting closer to 70 years....I don't yet see why I should change that.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

You feel COMPLETELY on your own?

Perhaps he means that you can't assume other farang will want to take your side and help you out simply because you're fellow farang.

In prior colonial times that would surely have been the expectation and not doing so would have been seen as a traitorous betrayal.

Nowadays we know (quite rightly IMO) not to expect such "default loyalty" based on irrelevancies such as race or nationality.

Combine with that attitude the fact that many farang here put themselves into a situation where they feel they can't truly trust the locals around them, perhaps even those closest to them, and I think that explains a feeling of being alone in the world.

Carried to an extreme, many people will say you're born alone you die alone and ultimately we are all alone in the world no matter how close-knit your family or community, your location home or abroad. From a philisophical POV there is value in realizing this, as long as you don't take it so far as to think that it's OK to feel/act as if you can't trust anyone around you, which of course is a very sad situation to be in.

[chiangmaikelly]

You feel COMPLETELY on your own?

Perhaps he means that you can't assume other farang will want to take your side and help you out simply because you're fellow farang.

In prior colonial times that would surely have been the expectation and not doing so would have been seen as a traitorous betrayal.

Nowadays we know (quite rightly IMO) not to expect such "default loyalty" based on irrelevancies such as race or nationality.

Combine with that attitude the fact that many farang here put themselves into a situation where they feel they can't truly trust the locals around them, perhaps even those closest to them, and I think that explains a feeling of being alone in the world.

Carried to an extreme, many people will say you're born alone you die alone and ultimately we are all alone in the world no matter how close-knit your family or community, your location home or abroad. From a philisophical POV there is value in realizing this, as long as you don't take it so far as to think that it's OK to feel/act as if you can't trust anyone around you, which of course is a very sad situation to be in.

I don't think I was born alone. I seem to remember mom being there. My father died in my arms. I don't think he felt alone.

[ajarnpot]

is this not just a condition known as ageing?

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I don't think I was born alone. I seem to remember mom being there. My father died in my arms. I don't think he felt alone.

Good on ya, all three of you are much luckier than some.

I was just trying to explain my perception of the intended meaning of that post. The more abstract philisophical stuff is only useful when used intentionally to help foster self-responsibility, some of us expect those around us to make/keep us happy as opposed to realizing that it's our own thoughts, choices and actions that create our relationships with others. Or lack thereof. . .

[trainman34014]

I live in a Bicycle Bubble. I'm out and about every day as I would go crazy if I was stuck indoors. Heat doesn't bother me much so it's an all year thing and I get to meet dozens of locals out in the Boonies. After nearly 5 years everyone knows me no matter which route I choose and I am always happy to talk with anyone who is interested. Never been in a bar bubble, with of without bar girls, just not interested as I have my little Thai gem at home. Said Gem is not all that socially minded and is far more happy in our Love Nest (her words), so any beer drinking is done with friends coming to our home for food etc. We do venture out for dinner or lunch now and again but she is an A1 cook who enjoys her kitchen so normally we only go when she fancies a break.

Each to their own; I've got Farang who live not far from me who live inside a Refrigerator 24/7 and are rarely seen. Good luck to them, not my business.

[ggold]

I think your situation is quite common among foreigners that have chosen to live out in the sticks.

Very rare with people who live in places like Bangkok, Phuket, or Pattaya. They seem more engaged in life.

I think that is wrong, living up country I am engaged with life more than I might be in the city. Its a matter of attitude I think!:-)

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