Staying Faithful

[payak]

how many expats feel its fine to stray, to get a little side action.

just curious, certain comments here would indicate its the norm in thailand amongst the expat community.

[TommoPhysicist]

It's the norm in Thailand for almost everyone.

Male or female, Thai or foreigner.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

It's true that the cultural brainwashing of monogamy being a good idea is less strong here, but I think in practice in many western countries people tend to average a higher number of partners.

But the farang coming here definitely skew the numbers much higher if you're talking about that group specifically.

For me, I think the key is honesty, as long as your various partners at different levels are aware then there's no moral issue.

Of course you need to be as open-minded for them if you want them to be honest with you.

Such arrangements do require that all parties be more attentive to their partners' needs, mindful of how things are going on a day to day basis, but IMO that makes for a much healthier relationship anyway, things start to fall apart as soon as people start taking others for granted.

The other related issue is of course how long such "committed" relationships are meant to last - the shorter they are the more likely people can remain monogamous if that is what they prefer.

[JusticeGB]

If staying faithful does not include short-time gropes/fondles/sex then all is well. Thai woman get angry about "Mia Noi's" and knowing that you have bar-fined a girl. Anything they do not know about does not count!

Edited November 11, 2012 by metisdead
: Please use the default forum font when posting, Arial Size 14, black.

[transam]

If staying faithful does not include short-time gropes/fondles/sex then all is well. Thai woman get angry about "Mia Noi's" and knowing that you have bar-fined a girl. Anything they do not know about does not count!

Why the red font ? Edited November 11, 2012 by Rooo
FONT & COLOR

[mjj]

Personally I would not cheat. It's not for me. I hold trust and honesty very highly in a relationship and if I was to cheat it would make a mockery or my values.

[mrtoad]

Well, BJs don't count, Clinton redefined that.

[TommoPhysicist]

Well, BJs don't count, Clinton redefined that.

As did Arnie, reportedly saying when caught, "Eating is not cheating"

[payak]

If staying faithful does not include short-time gropes/fondles/sex then all is well. Thai woman get angry about "Mia Noi's" and knowing that you have bar-fined a girl. Anything they do not know about does not count!

To me it counts if they know or not, still have to go home and look them in the eye.

i respect someone like bigjohnnyBKK, he is honest and open about it.

nothing worse then someone sneaking around, its weak.

Edited November 11, 2012 by Rooo
FONT & COLOR

[David48]

"how many expats feel its fine to stray"

Stray ... maybe not ... but I do get a little lost sometimes when my moral compass goes astray.

Those cheap compasses you buy over here tend to point you in the wrong right direction ...

[krisb]

If staying faithful does not include short-time gropes/fondles/sex then all is well. Thai woman get angry about "Mia Noi's" and knowing that you have bar-fined a girl. Anything they do not know about does not count!

Why the red font ?

And why the red font in Helvetica? Edited November 11, 2012 by Rooo
FONT & COLOR

[BigJohnnyBKK]

i respect someone like bigjohnnyBKK, he is honest and open about it.

But it takes more time and effort to acquire partners willing to agree to such arrangements.

Some TGs even with no experience in the sex industry here get the idea that you should compensate them extra for outside sessions, seems to be part of the "village law" code, like the one about a boy having to pay a girls family for touching her sort of thing. . .

But again, as long as everything is clear up front, that's what the total deal is take it or leave it, then many will go along if the package makes sense to them as a a whole.

[TommoPhysicist]

To me it counts if they know or not, still have to go home and look them in the eye.

nothing worse then someone sneaking around, its weak.

Might be that some of us can just lie without guilt.

Edited November 11, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[payak]

To me it counts if they know or not, still have to go home and look them in the eye.

nothing worse then someone sneaking around, its weak.

Might be that some of us can just lie without guilt.

and you say that with pride, like its a strength.

[TommoPhysicist]

To me it counts if they know or not, still have to go home and look them in the eye.

nothing worse then someone sneaking around, its weak.

Might be that some of us can just lie without guilt.

and you say that with pride, like its a strength.

Absolutely!

[payak]

and if your daughters man cheated on her, what would you say.

your not even married are you, read back and you will learn why.

when your daughter comes to her dad crying because her man cheated, you just tell her what you told me.

unless your two faced, you have admitted to being a liar, now can anyone hear trust or listen to anything you say again on thaivisa, because those were your words, your a proud liar.

who knows what your telling us.

[SiameseCurios]

I never stray. It's wrong.

The emotional damage it does to the other person is horrible.

Cheating not only destroys emotional bonds, it also destroys (or negatively impacts on) the futures of any children which the relationship has produced.

Cheating is WEAK SELFISH DISRESPECTFUL AND WRONG.

Don't do it.

Take pride in yourself, and show some respect for your significant other.

PS. I have been cheated on.

[Neeranam]

I never stray. It's wrong.

The emotional damage it does to the other person is horrible.

Cheating not only destroys emotional bonds, it also destroys (or negatively impacts on) the futures of any children which the relationship has produced.

Cheating is WEAK SELFISH DISRESPECTFUL AND WRONG.

Don't do it.

Take pride in yourself, and show some respect for your significant other.

PS. I have been cheated on.

Good post, I agree with everything you say.

I've never strayed in 12 years marriage - but must admit that I'm being a bit selfish - if I started, I wouldn't be able to stop.

As the Dalai Lama said - the purpose of life is to help other people, and if you can't do that - don't hurt them.

It stupidity when straying husbands think their wives won't be hurt.

[elliss]

It's the norm in Thailand for almost everyone.

Male or female, Thai or foreigner.

when in thailand , it,s thai culture .

[nottocus]

Personally I would not cheat. It's not for me. I hold trust and honesty very highly in a relationship and if I was to cheat it would make a mockery or my values.

Yep. I just think about how cut up the wife would be if I cheated and it just isn't worth it. I'm lucky to have her.

Today...she just found out her oldest brother was cheating on his wife (My wife loves the brother's wife a lot and thought she loved her brother). I had a tearful missus hugging me today begging me not to do the same.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

when in thailand , it,s thai culture .

So's feeding it to the ducks, doesn't make it right.

May surprise some here to hear this coming from me, but IMO we should have our own moral standards that supersede any cultural mores, especially foreign ones.

And beyond any harm you cause to others by betraying their trust and breaking your commitments, you do just as much if not more harm to yourself when you do.

Sex is probably more important to me than most people here, but it's way way down on the list compared to faith in my own integrity as a human being.

Not saying I fulfill this principle perfectly, but IMO we should certainly do our best to try. Otherwise how can you be sure you'll keep your own promises to yourself? Such character strength may be of life and death importance sometime in the future. . .

But not judging, to each their own, you're the one that'll have to live with the consequences of your thoughts and actions.

Edited November 11, 2012 by BigJohnnyBKK

[TommoPhysicist]

and if your daughters man cheated on her, what would you say.

your not even married are you, read back and you will learn why.

when your daughter comes to her dad crying because her man cheated, you just tell her what you told me.

Not something I have to worry about for the next 6 years as she is only 14.

Anyone wants to do anything with her before that, 5M bht or jail for several years.

After that, up to her.

I am married, nearly 5 years, have Thai step-children and my own Thai children, Thai wife, I can also read, write and understand Thai, but admittedly not so good at speaking Thai (too many flavours to choose from).

As for staying faithful, my wife is still trying to get me to marry her younger sister, and we all live together. If I were to give in, would that fall into either your 'deviant' or 'unfaithful' categories?

Edited November 11, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[mania]

Never been unfaithful/cheated on marriage vows

I am just not wired that way.

I cannot be objective about it. I would always have the thought of

how would it feel if done to me.

But at the same time I am nobody's keeper.

Each can live with their own choices. I am not judging anything

just stating how I would feel about my own actions.

Lastly I could never get my head around the act of grabbing a stranger

running off & in the next few minutes having sex with this stranger.

Again just me.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Lastly I could never get my head around the act of grabbing a stranger running off & in the next few minutes having sex with this stranger.

Now that's deviant 8-)

Seriously, having come of age in NYC during the hippy/disco/punk eras that is a just bizarre attitude, orgies in the back of the clubs, sometimes right on the dance floor, were just par for the course. Many of my parents friends were openly swingers, my mum was turning down offers at her parties every week and laughing about it openly at the family dinner table.

Then came HIV and spoiled the party, but by then I was already overseas.

[TommoPhysicist]

Never been unfaithful/cheated on marriage vows

Not all countries have the same marriage vows.

In Thailand The man makes a vow to protect, the woman makes a vow to serve.

Why are so many expats blinkered by their home countries culture?

Isn't that what we came here to escape from?

Edited November 11, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[JurgenG]

If staying faithful does not include short-time gropes/fondles/sex then all is well. Thai woman get angry about "Mia Noi's" and knowing that you have bar-fined a girl. Anything they do not know about does not count!

To me it counts if they know or not, still have to go home and look them in the eye.

i respect someone like bigjohnnyBKK, he is honest and open about it.

nothing worse then someone sneaking around, its weak.

Agree with you.

For me I just can't trust someone who cheats on his partner. How can you trust someone who come home day after day, look his partner straight in the eye and lie. All the people I have known who cheated on their partner always a day or an other also cheated on their friends or colleagues.

[TommoPhysicist]

For me I just can't trust someone who cheats on his partner. How can you trust someone who come home day after day, look his partner straight in the eye and lie. All the people I have known who cheated on their partner always a day or an other also cheated on their friends or colleagues.

How can you cheat on your friends or colleagues?

[JurgenG]

For me I just can't trust someone who cheats on his partner. How can you trust someone who come home day after day, look his partner straight in the eye and lie. All the people I have known who cheated on their partner always a day or an other also cheated on their friends or colleagues.

How can you cheat on your friends or colleagues?

Sorry for my poor english, what I mean is not being honest with, betraying.

[Jayman]

and if your daughters man cheated on her, what would you say.

your not even married are you, read back and you will learn why.

when your daughter comes to her dad crying because her man cheated, you just tell her what you told me.

Not something I have to worry about for the next 6 years as she is only 14.

Anyone wants to do anything with her before that, 5M bht or jail for several years.

After that, up to her.

I am married, nearly 5 years, have Thai step-children and my own Thai children, Thai wife, I can also read, write and understand Thai, but admittedly not so good at speaking Thai (too many flavours to choose from).

As for staying faithful, my wife is still trying to get me to marry her younger sister, and we all live together. If I were to give in, would that fall into either your 'deviant' or 'unfaithful' categories?

You're not actually offering to sell sexual services with your 14 year old step daughter for 5 million baht are you?

Shame on you for even making such inappropriate comments, even if in jest.

[TommoPhysicist]

You're not actually offering to sell sexual services with your 14 year old step daughter for 5 million baht are you?

Marriage not sexual services (entirely within Thai tradition).

That's the sin sot price I have set on her. Fool around with her and you go to jail until you can pay.

Everyone in the village knows the price, and it's a great deterrent for the local lads.

Edited November 11, 2012 by TommoPhysicist