cheeryble Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 (edited) I'm going to back up very slightly.... IF your girlfriend is from a respectable background (NEVER worked in bar, good education, possibility she will inherit land) it is not unreasonable to suggest a substantial dowry, though from a young unmade man which I guess you are it could well be much less, or just for show. It is possible they think you have more means than you do.....or more likely they are just not thinking (not unheard of in LOS!). If this is the case they may have not acted improperly they just see you as a man with a very good job by their standards (though never heard of 2 months early.....this definitely is a red flag which needs investigating....you are NOT there to get some debt paid off.) So if you want to stick around, and I tend to agree with Mark here, if they are legit you have a responsibility, you must be sure they're informed fully about your exact financial situation and prospects. Then you simply put it back on them.......do they still now expect anything, if so what, and how do they propose you raise the money? Then YOU will learn more about the way they think, the way they are, and must decide....with the excellent advice you can get here....whether it's OK, or to make like the Invisible Man (one problem on the village scene is that you are always outnumbered, so you must always be firm and clear and independent in your decisions. Take a week or two away from her with friends then think it over.) Bear in mind: 1. IF repeat IF they are inconsiderate this is likely to be just the first payment, her parents will always come first. If you have limited means t is important to you to know if they can support themselves when they are old. 2. An astonishing number of women worldwide, not just in Thailand, are inseminated by a third party. 3. They are going to accept you regardless.....it's more a matter of if you accept them, and the details. Good luck Edited November 21, 2012 by cheeryble 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noob7 Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 (edited) I am trying to do the right thing but it seems too rough ahead with her and her family. Considering jumping ship anything I should worry about Let's say it this way: In case, you do not know, what it's all about, till now. (who wants the 250k, you getting it back or the parents/wife will share alone, ....). It's not getting better, I think. Usually, all this details are cleared, with the future hubby, before the arrangement is accepted. Looks like, you only got informed about the things, they expect you to do, but do not 'need' to know, what it is all about. I don't think, that this is good for you! Also i have an idea, why the money is needed, now: The car 'thing' is limited to end of December. Order now, pay down, get the car before 31. of December, get up to 100k back, in one year. And Isuzu has a great king size pick up for about 950k available, these days. Edited November 21, 2012 by noob7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whistleblower Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I am trying to do the right thing but it seems too rough ahead with her and her family. Considering jumping ship anything I should worry about Looks like you leapt before you looked! Explain to her that you haven't got the money for dowry, but you want to be honourable and look after her and the baby. If they can accept this then its love, if they can't then its another money grabbing Thai family looking for a dumb farang story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meatboy Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 it could be your gf.is the one trying to save face,i expect she has told mare&por that she has a farang bf.so you can sit at home all day and your worries are over,that was till she found out you are not rich after all,and if she is pregnant[by you] that is the entrapment.as for the borrowing of money dont even think about it,i have seen first hand what can happen if you cant pay back.good luck and dont look back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mosha Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Local money lenders round here charge 10%/month. Just to give him an idea what he faces. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JurgenG Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 A family that I know had two daughters who both got pregnant before getting married. In both cases they asked the father 200K for making their girls pregnant ... and to marry the girls. In both cases the fathers were poor local guys and 200k was an awful lot of money for them. We asked the parents why they asked so much money, the mother answered the guys will probably run away in a couple of years (or even earlier) and they will have to raise the baby, that's what they need the money for. One of the guy raised the money with the help of his mother and married the girl, the other ran away. Everyday life in Isan ... The problem of the OP is not the Sin Sot, it's that he got the girl pregnant and that he has to assume his responsibility. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
giddyup Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I see another lamb to the slaughter. When will they ever learn? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meatboy Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Local money lenders round here charge 10%/month. Just to give him an idea what he faces. first you need some security or a guarantor,my bil stuck himself up as a guarantor for a family member who did a runner and he was left with the debt,first they took his pick up,then his bike and if we had not been in los at the time he might have lost his life.beside that he couldnt carry on his bussiness without transport.so if he thinks he can borrow the money on the understanding its only for a day or two think what will happen if it suddenly goes missing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post whistleblower Posted November 21, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted November 21, 2012 A family that I know had two daughters who both got pregnant before getting married. In both cases they asked the father 200K for making their girls pregnant ... and to marry the girls. In both cases the fathers were poor local guys and 200k was an awful lot of money for them. We asked the parents why they asked so much money, the mother answered the guys will probably run away in a couple of years (or even earlier) and they will have to raise the baby, that's what they need the money for. One of the guy raised the money with the help of his mother and married the girl, the other ran away. Everyday life in Isan ... The problem of the OP is not the Sin Sot, it's that he got the girl pregnant and that he has to assume his responsibility. And how many new motorcycles, T.Vs and mobile phones appeared in that household after the money was paid?? Maths the Isaan way: Isaan farmer + Issan women = Baby daughter + 18 years = teenager, female teenager + gullible Farang = Face and and a shitload of new electrical gadjets. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PomRakBKK Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 You are pathetic dude! First of all there is no "decent teachers" salary! Second of all if your "girlfriend" is putting you in a situation where you have to cough up 250k ASAP to her demand, then she is not your girlfriend but just another "rental ho!". This may sound harsh to you but dont be another stupid farang in thailand. YOU PUT YOURSELF INTO THIS SITUATION! The situation is "sticky" as long as you keep your head in the sling. If you kick your rented girlfriend to the curb, pack your shit and leave then you dont have those weird issues! PUT YOUR HEAD BACK ON STRAIGHT AND GET THE HELL OUT THERE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whiteman Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 She was'nt one of your students????? Is she over age??? Get out of town quickly and do not look back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Pundit Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 There's always another village in Isaan! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farangme Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Get another job, move to a new place, change your sim card, don't go to places she knows you like, and don't let mutual friends know where you live. Think of it as a new lease on life. Sent from my PC36100 using Thaivisa Connect App Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheWalkingMan Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Think of it like this... It is not great to be poor and married, but you can work towards a brighter future... It is crazy to go into debt to get married as you (not her) are starting in the hole with people who will break your face at the drop of a hat. Get a DNA test before signing any birth certificate... If you have ever seen those Maury - You are not the father videos on youtube, then you would not think twice about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeijoshinCool Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 She wants 250k I don't know what to do there's another issue BABY is invovle she is prego too Lots of teaching jobs in Viet Nam. And, they pay far better than here, so you'll be able to send some child support. Next time, think with the bigger head, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeijoshinCool Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I am trying to do the right thing but it seems too rough ahead with her and her family. Considering jumping ship anything I should worry about Yes, there is something you need to worry about. Your unborn child. You need to decide if you are going to be a father to the child, or are you going to walk away. Sometimes the other party(ies) make it impossible, or hell on earth, to be a father, outside of financial support. Sometimes live and learn is called for. All this depends, of course, on the accuracy of the information we are being given. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noob7 Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 She wants 250k I don't know what to do there's another issue BABY is invovle she is prego too Lots of teaching jobs in Viet Nam. And, they pay far better than here, so you'll be able to send some child support. Next time, think with the bigger head, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheeryble Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 She was'nt one of your students????? Is she over age??? Ahh lateral thinking, this could get interesting...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noob7 Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 She was'nt one of your students????? Is she over age??? Ahh lateral thinking, this could get interesting...... Over 15 is legal, so....? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drdredd2012 Posted November 21, 2012 Author Share Posted November 21, 2012 Its not the familyits her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soutpeel Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 Its not the familyits her Run Rabbit..Run rabbit...run run run.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bangkokhatter Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 not really important who is demanding the money..whats important is you growing a pair of balls and just saying NO. Even if you had the money, you should be saying no. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post lujanit Posted November 21, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted November 21, 2012 IMHO required reading for ALL farangs thinking of marrying a Thai http://www.stickmanb.../reader2172.htm 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboturtle Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I lent someone over 500 thousand baht and I never got paid back after having a contract and everything so make sure you get yourself a dam_n good lawyer and official paper work before letting anyone borrow anything of value in Thailand! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post wildorchid Posted November 21, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted November 21, 2012 I want make sure you know the truth about thai culture sin sod, if your girlfriend has been married before and divorced, or had a child before, or bar girl then you DO NOT need to pay ANY dowry (sinsod) but if she normal lady but little or no education you have to pay about 50,000- 100,000 baht, or if she normal lady with education university and possable land in the family then you will have to pay sinsod 100,000- 300,000 baht. but if the family is very highly educated and high satus in there village or city then the sin sod can go to quite a high amount,,, The correct way is that the money for sinsod is you have to bring for her parent/parants on the wedding day for show, but what i don't understand is why she is asking you pay before the married day? you should ask her the question and she should be able to give you an answer, BUT BE SURE SIN SOD IS ONLY PAYED ON THE WEDDING DAY OR AFTER IF AGREEMENTS ARE MADE, NEVER BEFORE!!! I am a thai lady and this is my culture so yes I know what I'm talking about. I wish you good luck 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Semper Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 The problem of the OP is not the Sin Sot, it's that he got the girl pregnant and that he has to assume his responsibility. Well, I assume she wasn't raped, so she should take responsibility for her own "actions". Why is it always the man, that have to take the responsibility, what happened to the gender equality? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heng Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 What kind of collateral do you have? Most of the lenders I know won't loan to any guys just visiting. You need to have roots (business, baby, or bridges burned) here before you'll get an unsecured loan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soutpeel Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I want make sure you know the truth about thai culture sin sod, if your girlfriend has been married before and divorced, or had a child before, or bar girl then you DO NOT need to pay ANY dowry (sinsod) but if she normal lady but little or no education you have to pay about 50,000- 100,000 baht, or if she normal lady with education university and possable land in the family then you will have to pay sinsod 100,000- 300,000 baht. but if the family is very highly educated and high satus in there village or city then the sin sod can go to quite a high amount,,, The correct way is that the money for sinsod is you have to bring for her parent/parants on the wedding day for show, but what i don't understand is why she is asking you pay before the married day? you should ask her the question and she should be able to give you an answer, BUT BE SURE SIN SOD IS ONLY PAYED ON THE WEDDING DAY OR AFTER IF AGREEMENTS ARE MADE, NEVER BEFORE!!! I am a thai lady and this is my culture so yes I know what I'm talking about. I wish you good luck Why would a Thai lady who is a bar girl be excluded from Sin Sot if she hasnt been married before or by the same token having a child out of wedlock...being married before makes perfect sense but the other 2 dont ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honkie Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I want make sure you know the truth about thai culture sin sod, if your girlfriend has been married before and divorced, or had a child before, or bar girl then you DO NOT need to pay ANY dowry (sinsod) but if she normal lady but little or no education you have to pay about 50,000- 100,000 baht, or if she normal lady with education university and possable land in the family then you will have to pay sinsod 100,000- 300,000 baht. but if the family is very highly educated and high satus in there village or city then the sin sod can go to quite a high amount,,, The correct way is that the money for sinsod is you have to bring for her parent/parants on the wedding day for show, but what i don't understand is why she is asking you pay before the married day? you should ask her the question and she should be able to give you an answer, BUT BE SURE SIN SOD IS ONLY PAYED ON THE WEDDING DAY OR AFTER IF AGREEMENTS ARE MADE, NEVER BEFORE!!! I am a thai lady and this is my culture so yes I know what I'm talking about. I wish you good luck Why would a Thai lady who is a bar girl be excluded from Sin Sot if she hasnt been married before or by the same token having a child out of wedlock...being married before makes perfect sense but the other 2 dont ? I want make sure you know the truth about thai culture sin sod, if your girlfriend has been married before and divorced, or had a child before, or bar girl then you DO NOT need to pay ANY dowry (sinsod) but if she normal lady but little or no education you have to pay about 50,000- 100,000 baht, or if she normal lady with education university and possable land in the family then you will have to pay sinsod 100,000- 300,000 baht. but if the family is very highly educated and high satus in there village or city then the sin sod can go to quite a high amount,,, The correct way is that the money for sinsod is you have to bring for her parent/parants on the wedding day for show, but what i don't understand is why she is asking you pay before the married day? you should ask her the question and she should be able to give you an answer, BUT BE SURE SIN SOD IS ONLY PAYED ON THE WEDDING DAY OR AFTER IF AGREEMENTS ARE MADE, NEVER BEFORE!!! I am a thai lady and this is my culture so yes I know what I'm talking about. I wish you good luck Why would a Thai lady who is a bar girl be excluded from Sin Sot if she hasnt been married before or by the same token having a child out of wedlock...being married before makes perfect sense but the other 2 dont ? Shopsoiled ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Payboy Posted November 21, 2012 Share Posted November 21, 2012 I want make sure you know the truth about thai culture sin sod, if your girlfriend has been married before and divorced, or had a child before, or bar girl then you DO NOT need to pay ANY dowry (sinsod) but if she normal lady but little or no education you have to pay about 50,000- 100,000 baht, or if she normal lady with education university and possable land in the family then you will have to pay sinsod 100,000- 300,000 baht. but if the family is very highly educated and high satus in there village or city then the sin sod can go to quite a high amount,,, The correct way is that the money for sinsod is you have to bring for her parent/parants on the wedding day for show, but what i don't understand is why she is asking you pay before the married day? you should ask her the question and she should be able to give you an answer, BUT BE SURE SIN SOD IS ONLY PAYED ON THE WEDDING DAY OR AFTER IF AGREEMENTS ARE MADE, NEVER BEFORE!!! I am a thai lady and this is my culture so yes I know what I'm talking about. I wish you good luck Why would a Thai lady who is a bar girl be excluded from Sin Sot if she hasnt been married before or by the same token having a child out of wedlock...being married before makes perfect sense but the other 2 dont ? Yeah, in fact should pay more for experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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