Member Of The Year 2012

smokie36 · December 15, 2012

Just a few hours left to tip the balance folks.....get voting!

Humbugged · December 15, 2012

Is there a wheel we can spin...or a virtual dart board ?

Jingthing · December 15, 2012

Just a few hours left to tip the balance folks.....get voting!

The opera ain't over til the fat ladyboy sings!

http://www.myspace.com/video/vid/16704152

Boo · December 15, 2012

most votes is none of the above.

Humbugged · December 15, 2012

most votes is none of the above.

Awesome observation.

Jingthing · December 15, 2012

Masterful reverse psychology that.

Hmm. A THAI would be interesting ...

Jingthing · December 15, 2012

It's quite obvious you want to win Jingthing.

Yes indeed, Sir, I do feel worthy and also up to the task of representing whatever it is that I represent.

sbk · December 15, 2012

Play nice in the sandbox boys.

Rooo · December 15, 2012

Next year you should have a section for the best Prima Donna.

Jingthing · December 15, 2012

Anyway, a little over two hours left and only four five six (ouch! ouch again!) votes separating the hotly contested first race. Could the tension get any thicker? It's like butter, I tell you ... butter.

Jingthing · December 15, 2012

Next year you should have a section for the best Prima Donna.

I don't know from prima donnas but it might be worth considering cutting the active voting days down to ONE. This one I think went on way too long.

Jingthing · December 15, 2012

If y'all want the excitement and drama of a photo finish, time to act soon ...

theblether · December 15, 2012

Right Jingthing........let's have a bit of fun with this and stop falling out.......I'll be back in a minute with the reasons why I should be member of the year!!!.....and before everyone starts it's just a bit of fun!!!

Jingthing · December 15, 2012

Time better spent preparing your victory statement and State of the Forum speech to the Bedlam crowd. Unless three blether voters want to make the last minute SWITCHEROO and throw it into a THAI.

theblether · December 15, 2012

I'm quite good at posting entertaining topics........here's the OP from Crimes Against Thaivisa Members

There appears to be several subjects and posts which constantly recur and they have now morphed into effectively being crimesagainst Thaivisa members.

I propose we have a poll to decide which topics and posts can be defined as being crimes against Thaivisa Members, and possible suitable punishments.

I am no expert on all issues related to Thailand however I will put down an initial list of possible crimes, and I look forward to seeing your suggestions. Once we have gathered enough suggestions I suggest we ask a certain highly talented and amusing individual, and our resident Poll expert, to conduct said Poll. ( That expert being Jingthing ).

Once we have established the ten worst crimes I suggest we pin them so that we can refer new members to the list so that they can avoid undue flaming. So....I'll go first then you guys ( and ladies ) can follow on with your improvements and suggestions........

Crime 1............... Bringing up "Is farang racist" subject.

Punishment.........Being beaten to death.

Crime 2...............Being a member of the Good English police

Punishment.........Being forced to eat the Oxford Concise Dictionary

Crime 3...............Discussing British pension rights.

Punishment........Being put on a plane and sent back to the UK.

Crime 4..............Asking when will the Jetski scam end

Punishment.......Being forced to rent a Jetski every day, for a month.

Crime 5.............Asking " Am I gay if I like Ladyboys"

Punishment.......Ehm, I can't think of a punishment, you'll need to give me a hand here.

Crime 6.............Being in possession of an offensive personality.

Punishment......Guillotine

Crime 7............Asking why we are so cynical

Punishment.....Being forced to read all previous topics on the General Forum.

Crime 8...........Discussing immigration to the UK

Punishment.....Death, I don't care how, just death.

Crime 9...........Lacking a sense of irony and humour

Punishment....Banishment to Canada

Crime 10........Asking why young Thai ladies are attracted to older foreign men

Punishment....Incarceration in a secure unit.

Right, in no way is this an exhaustive list, it's only a start and I will leave it to my wise and humorous fellow members to add their thoughts and suggestions.

regards

theblether

...................and here's the link to the topic

Jingthing · December 15, 2012

Another crime: Rubbing It In.

theblether · December 15, 2012

I don't like catching buses in Thailand.......the OP

It started in Tha Ton, if you ever get a chance get yourself up to Tha Ton next to the Burmese border. The boat trip from Tha Ton to Chiang Rai is excellent, and you'll get a chance to see some real Thai rural life on the way down. The boat journey is three hours and it stops off at an elephant camp and snake farm. Now that sounds impressive, but I'll tell you what is really impressive.........I saw a healthy buffalo. I know you don't believe me, but it's true!!

Tha Ton itself is a sleepy little one street village, with a couple of beautiful Temples. I booked into a cottage by the River and was fascinated to watch the fishermen out netting their catch for the day. Well worth a visit, well worth an overnight, and don't forget you're camera, there are some breathtaking views. But that's not the point, the point is......the bus.

We arrived in Chiang Rai and booked into the hotel for one night, went for a walk around and were suitably impressed by this lovely little northern town, another place that is well worth a visit and I have been back since for a few days to soak up more atmosphere and to visit the superb Doi Tung Royal complex. Myself and my travel party rolled out to the bus station the next morning, expecting to easily hop on to the VIP bus back to Chiang Mai.

My travel party? Well I cannot disclose the real names but let's call them the Fireman, Dundee, and Harald, who is German by the way. we were disappointed to hear that the VIP bus was full, however we were mollified when the nice lady with the glint in her eye said that we could catch the 14.00 hour Second Class bus. Great, a couple of hours to burn so we could have lunch, and this delightful lady with the big grin and glinting eyes gave us the very special seats on row 11. Lovely lady.

We made our way to one of the little restaurants next to the station and were entertained with the sight of the Soi dogs intermittently romancing each other and making soft gentle love, as they do, and then being reduced to snarling dog fights. I speak a bit of dog, I know what the cause of the fight was. What happened was the male dog said to the bitch that he would love her forever, jumped on, had his evil way with her, jumped off and said "Finish yourself off"........well you can imagine the reaction from that bitch huh?

So the bus turned up, and we trooped on, down to the special seats at the back that the lady had allocated for us. It was an old bus to be fair, what do you expect when it's second hand? But I suppose comfortable enough. On came the usual cast you see on a Thai bus, the Mum and kids, the Monks, the young people heading back to work in Chiang Mai, and we're off. Totally unremarkable. leaving me with memories of Tha Ton, Chiang Rai and the special glint in the bus ladies eye.

We pulled out off Chiang Rai city limits, turned right, then we were off!!.......I think the first time I realized there was something wrong was when I saw bottles of M-50 and Red Bull being tossed out of the drivers window. I didn't know that using the brakes was against the law on Thai buses either, this old rickety bus flew up to 120 kph and stayed their, irrespective of curves in the road, oncoming traffic, nothing. Being cool and charismatic as I am, I sat their unperturbed for about 3 minutes, then the panic started to set in.

Dundee was sitting next to me, and he was going the same way. "theblether, what the hell is going on here, does this guy have a driving licence?" he asked going a whiter shade of pale. Theblether was unable to answer as the bus was hurtling towards a bend at high speed, and theblether could see a drop on the other side that would guarantee headlines. Fireman was looking straight ahead in a state of panic and Harald was sleeping. The bus swerved up onto what felt like two wheels and just managed to sneak round the corner, surely the driver knew he was at his limits. No, accelerate, there's a little farmers buggy, let's overtake in front of oncoming traffic. At this point theblether, Dundee and Fireman reached for the handles in on our seats, this is it, all over. Here come's a head on crash into a bus coming the other way as we overtook the little truck full of chickens. There were no handles, they had been ripped off, we could see where they had been off and on a few times, but now they were off and gone and that's it. Special seats??, the special scary seats at the back of the bus!! Just at the last second the bus pulled in, cutting the nose off the Chicken truck, and we survived this close encounter with death. I heard the chickens shouting "Cluck off you idiot" to the driver, ( I speak Chicken too ), as we settled into a temporary release from terror. All too temporary though, here comes another corner.

The bus went whizzing round and my heart sank to my ankles, it wasn't lonely as Dundees heart was down there too. This is beyond a joke, I looked up and saw the Monks looking unperturbed, it's ok for them, they have 500 lives to play with, I've only got the one. Accelerate, downhill, overtake, corner, accelerate, overtake, downhill, corner, accelarate, overtake, downhill, corner........blur, blur, heart palpitations, sweats, close eyes, pray. Not working.......try again, oh no there goes another Red Bull out the window . Accelerate, downhill, overtake, corner, accelerate, overtake, downhill, corner, accelarate, overtake, downhill, corner........blur, blur, heart palpitations, sweats, close eyes, not working again. Try praying again, Dear God, Dear Buddha, Dear anybody, please help me survive this nightmare. Dundee is collapsing into a pool of sweat and Fireman is transfixed into a state of shock. Harald is sleeping.

Ok......I know what to do, just close your eyes like it's Xmas Eve and don't open them again. At least at Xmas Eve when you open them you have a lot of presents to look forward to. This policy was going well up until Fireman decided to give us a running commentary. Theblether, theblether, another corner, oh no he;s overtaking, oh no, BRAKE BRAKE, oh no another corner, here come's a truck, oh no oh no.......corner CORner, CORNER!!!......I opened my eyes to see this final corner just in time to see us flashing past a graveyard. Lucky bast*rds, at least they didn't haven't to endure this. One of the monks gave me a calm smile and try to help me through my predicament. I appreciate the effort sir, but could you drive the bus please? I thought to myself. Anything would be better than this nutter. Out goes the last Red Bull........and out goes my last hope of survival. I've never been in a plane crash but I would like to think there is that moment of calm when you know it's all over, and that will be fine. That's how I felt at this moment. It's a lost cause, relax, and if you die, you die. That's it.

I hand Dundee a towel to dry himself, he has lost 10kg of sweat in the past two hours. Fireman has returned to his transfixed state, and Harald is still sleeping. You'll be pleased to hear we made it back to Chiang Mai, Dundee ran to the bottom of the bus to assault the driver, but the driver had leaped out and ran for his life. Fireman awoke from his trance and Harald awoke from his sleep and said " What happened?".

Back to the hotel, I was on my knees thanking everyone I could think of for helping me through this day, straight onto the whisky, and myself Dundee and Fireman had a right rattle at calming our nerves. Harald went for a sleep.

I was sitting there thinking about the nice lady that gave us the special seats, that smile and glint in her eye, that evil bitch knew what she was doing. It was "Terrify a Farang" day and she had won first prize.

So my questions is........do you like travelling by bus in Thailand?

.................and here's the link to the topic

Jingthing · December 15, 2012

Maybe there's a book deal in this for the Scot?

Those posts are definitely LONG enough.

Title suggestions anyone?

theblether · December 15, 2012

I'm crap at growing chickens

theblether · December 15, 2012

and I'm even worse at Internet dating............

I was sitting at home one night years ago flicking through the interactive services on Sky TV when I came across a dating site. Not having used one before I posted a message and waited to see what would happen. After a few minutes a reply came through and that was me hooked on the world of internet dating.

I made all of the mistakes that you would expect to make, and had some great fun along the way too, however I don't think any date surpassed my first one in terms of being memorable. I obviously was a rookie when it came to matters of internet dating, and I wasn't too clever with computers either, ( no change there ) and the site I was on was quite basic. I ended up in friendly banter with a certain lady, then I was delighted to see that she had sent me her telephone number.

After calling her I realized that she lived in Montrose, which is a fair distance from Glasgow, so I thought would be the end of it. However she was very engaging on the telephone and she had a wonderful laugh. So now I was starting to feel a bit smitten. After a few days of messages flying back and forward, and phone calls this lady suggested that she come visit me for the weekend. Wow, great!! Oh no.....she can't. Scotland were playing in a World Cup Qualifier against Holland and I had promised to take my son. ( yes, there are two of us, and he is just like his Dad, shame that huh? ).

No problem said the laughing lady, "you go to the game, and I'll go shopping, that will work out perfect for me". Me Too!! two nights of guaranteed jumping and a day at the football, man heaven!! It was around about November time when this all took place, laughing lady said she would be down on the Friday night, and by the time she turned up it was dark outside. I lived in a house overlooking a valley at the time and I waited at my doorway as she parked the car in the adjacent driveway. It was a gorgeous crystal clear night, near enough a Full Moon, and enough for me to see the silhouette of the car as she parked it. It looked like a customized Ford Fiesta type from a distance, quite low to the ground, but I couldn't see any spoilers or the like on it. She stepped out of the car and I was surprised to see the car raise by about 8 inches in the dark.

l got a little wave ( of fear ) and I saw her make her way to the boot of her car to get her bags and coat. I stood there fearfully as she made her way towards the door as I realized that laughing lady was massive. I should have gotten a photograph. She must have been about 5 foot 10 tall and was a size 28 dress size easy. 280 lbs of female coming down the path ( I could feel it vibrate ) and to make it worse, she was wearing a cloak ala Dracula. Yes the blood drained from my face as she eclipsed the Moon. I was in trouble.

You know that way some overweight people are good looking? Nope, not this one. I could see now why she had driven 150 miles for some action. Anyway, I'm a gentleman, so I treated laughing lady like I would any lady. I had the candles lit, the massive bay window overlooking the beautiful Scottish valley, the stars twinkling and the watery moon shining, it was so romantic. Totally the wrong atmosphere!! I was like a man staring at the gallows!! Though to be fair laughing lady did have a sweet personality so I came up with a new cunning plan, one that you would not believe in it's cunningness!! I decided I would go on a marathon of blethering then maybe she would fall asleep. Well, I blethered, blethered, and blethered again, the clock kept ticking until 4.00am, but it was no use. Laughing Lady wanted some action and that was it.

" Take me to bed " she said. There are times in my life that I have carried ladies to bed but I didn't have a six ton crane handy, so I suggested that she walk upstairs herself, and I would be up after I blew out the candles etc ( possibly even my brains ). After 10 minutes I worked up the courage, went up to my room, and there she was.

A vision in Pink, wearing a beautiful size 16 silk chemise. I didn't know you vacuum pack women.

I made my way gingerly into my bed, I didn't have much space to play with, and just as my head hot the pillow she grabbed me and kissed me. Well, I say kissed but it was more like having the air sucked out of my lungs. I was starting to go blue and go into the death throes just as she released me. I gasped like a goldfish out of water and she said " make love to me ".

Ahem, well it's my own stupid fault, I should have gotten a photo, I had a quick negotiation to myself as to what I was prepared to do, narrowed it down quickly to next to nothing, then I helped her prize the chemise off. It came off with a pop, and her substantial ( ok, let's be nice ) voluptuous body spread out all over the bed, and some of it collapsed over the side of the bed too. This was a unique problem for me, I didn't know where to start, or more to the point I couldn't find where to start.......

Right, it's a public forum, I'm telling you nothing else, some burdens in life should be carried alone, and trust me this burden was heavy, very heavy.

Anyway, on one of my trips to Thailand I arranged to meet a lady via a dating site, and she was stunningly, and I mean stunningly beautiful, she was the sexiest dancer I have ever seen in my life but she was wild, so after a few days she was shown the high road. I have a high tolerance for happiness and a low tolerance for nonsense. I then met a lovely lady in Chiang Mai via the internet, she was very attractive, good fun but I detected there was something just not quite right, maybe just a bit too slick?

So it got me thinking, what has been your experience of internet dating in Thailand?

ps I forgot to mention, Laughing Lady broke my bed, it cost me £600 for a new one. Plus paying for counselling too......expensive date.

......hewre's the link.......

theblether · December 15, 2012

I'm a bit unlucky with the Ladyboys......

As many of you probably know I am Scottish. I was in Chiang Mai at New Years Eve and I decided to celebrate in the Scottish way and imbibe some whisky while attired in my kilt.

I did have a few worries before I went out, I believe there are a few Scots in Pattaya that wear kilts at that time of year but I hadn't seen or heard of anyone else wearing a kilt in CM. No sooner had I walked into the foyer of my hotel was I mobbed by people wanting photos with me, especially the ladies. Being the generous sort as I am I posed with all and sundry for ages, till it got to the point that it was interfering with my drinking time.

I opened a bottle of Highland Park whisky that I had brought for the occasion and I managed to get about an hour of drinking time in before I walked down to the Taepae Gate for the Bells. I had a few people from the hotel with me and I managed to get down there relatively unmolested. I went into one of my regular haunts, John's Place, and the photo merry-go-round started again. Fine, I was in the mood for a party, drank a lot more of the Highland Park, then went down to the stage show at the Gate. It was really busy, that suited me as I wasn't getting too much attention in the crowd. The Bells went off well, the fireworks were great, and then I noticed I had lost my travelling party.

Knowing Chiang Mai well, I headed down to Linda's Bar, ( mistake ) where I ended up having another photo shoot with every bad girl in Loih Kroh, I was drinking on and the ladies were getting a bit too frisky, it's a pain having people trying to lift your kilt every 10 seconds, so I headed up to Jack's Bar to get some peace, ( it's not as busy since Spicy moved round the corner). Anyway after I cracked into my second bottle of whisky and after some more photos, I realized it was getting late so I started heading home much the worse for wear.

This is where it all went wrong, I was drunk, mao mak, seriously gone, big mistake, and I couldn't find a tuk tuk, so I thought I would walk home along the moat.. Some gorgeous creature emerged from the shadows and did that "hellooooh, where you go?" thing. Remembering the old adage that if it is so beautiful you cannot believe thing in Thailand, it's a Ladyboy, I mumbled I'm going home. In came a request for a photo so that was fine, but within a minute I was surrounded by loads ( don't know how many ) ladyboys wanting a pic. I started getting harassed by the kilt lifting and the usual stupid "why you wear skirt, what under kilt questions?". Feeling under pressure I tried to get away but the next thing I was bundled into a car and told "we go party".

All I can say is that I was the star attraction at the party and they found out what Scotsmen wear below the kilt, I was held down and used as a pin cushion by I don't know how many ladyboys and for how long, and it seemed there was an endless stream of ladyboys arriving all the time. I don't know how long I was held for and I don't remember much. I must have fallen asleep and as soon as I woke I got out that door as fast as I could, I do know CM well but I didn't have a clue where I was, some giant decrepit building with broken down lifts and boarded fire escapes. It was just after day break and I wandered around aimlessly ( and painfully ) trying to find a tuk tuk, totally lost, and still drunk.

Eventually I got one, got back to my hotel, got showered, crashed out for hours and went about in a daze when I woke up. The people that I had lost the night before grilled me about where I had gotten too, and of course I couldn't tell them the truth.

I went to see the clinic for tests and they were clear, but they recommended doing it again in 30 days ( something to do with HIV antibodies? ) and they were clear too thank god.

So the medical side looks like it's going to be OK, Now I'm back in Scotland and my mind keeps wandering back to the memories of that night, of being used like a pin cushion in Chiang Mai, and I need your advice.........

Shall I wear red kilt or a blue kilt next year?

......here's the link..... As many of you probably know I am Scottish. I was in Chiang Mai at New Years Eve and I decided to celebrate in the Scottish way and imbibe some whisky while attired in my kilt.