Control Freak Farangs

[GuestHouse]

If you trawl the pages of TV Forum you will find I repeatedly and consistantly give the advice not to ever introduce one's wife, girlfriend or anyone one cares about into discussion on TV as doing so will inevitably result in personal insults being made against them.

I'm always talking about my wife and family on TV forum, never had any problems with insults against them.

If any poster were to do that, I'm certain the mods would be quick to ban said offender.

That is your personal choice TP, I advise against it, and I certainly would not be one of the people to make insulting personal remarks against someone else's family - but I am glad to hear you recognise and accept the part Mods play in putting an end to such behaviour.

[BookMan]

But you are making the same mistake as CMK - you are making assumptions for which you have no basis.

You have absolutely no idea what nationality my wife is, you don't even know if I have a wife.

GH, you did let the cat out of the bag in your first sentence for this thread

Some time back I wrote on TV of an encounter my wife and I had with a Thai woman married and living in the UK with her English husband.

[GuestHouse]

Let me be very clear about this.

A number of attempts have been made to drag my persnal life into this discussion.

If you cannot deal with the point of view I am expressing move onto another thread.

If you feel you need to drag my personal life into the discussion against my express statement that I shall not discuss my personal life please be aware I shall make a report to the moderators.

I respect the private lives of others and I expect my private life to be given similar respect.

[transam]

Let me be very clear about this.

A number of attempts have been made to drag my persnal life into this discussion.

If you cannot deal with the point of view I am expressing move onto another thread.

If you feel you need to drag my personal life into the discussion against my express statement that I shall not discuss my personal life please be aware I shall make a report to the moderators.

I respect the private lives of others and I expect my private life to be given similar respect.

You are having a go at farangs YET we must stay out of our/my curiosity to why your thread and wondering about YOUR situation. Come on, stand up..

[kkerry]

Let me be very clear about this.

A number of attempts have been made to drag my persnal life into this discussion.

If you cannot deal with the point of view I am expressing move onto another thread.

If you feel you need to drag my personal life into the discussion against my express statement that I shall not discuss my personal life please be aware I shall make a report to the moderators.

I respect the private lives of others and I expect my private life to be given similar respect.

I don't understand why you are throwing your toys out of the pram regarding some of the responses you have received, considering the nature of this topic which you seem to have conveniently forgotten was started by your good self. Talk about control freak farangs.. kettle black GH?

[StreetCowboy]

Let me be very clear about this.

A number of attempts have been made to drag my persnal life into this discussion.

If you cannot deal with the point of view I am expressing move onto another thread.

If you feel you need to drag my personal life into the discussion against my express statement that I shall not discuss my personal life please be aware I shall make a report to the moderators.

I respect the private lives of others and I expect my private life to be given similar respect.

I don't understand why you are throwing your toys out of the pram regarding some of the responses you have received, considering the nature of this topic which you seem to have conveniently forgotten was started by your good self. Talk about control freak farangs.. kettle black GH?

My understanding is that rene's viewpoint is irrelevant because she is a woman, and the GH's opinion is irrelevant because he hasn't told us about his family life. The rest of you chaps have a valid opinion, though, and in your opinion farangs don't abuse their wives. That's a rule, which can be universally applied, right? Farang men are abused by their western wives, which is why they are here, and by their Thai wives, but they stay, because they love it really.

Right?

Just doing my best to get a summary of the various opinions on the thread...

SC

[HardenedSoul]

My understanding is that rene's viewpoint is irrelevant because she is a woman, and the GH's opinion is irrelevant because he hasn't told us about his family life. The rest of you chaps have a valid opinion, though, and in your opinion farangs don't abuse their wives. That's a rule, which can be universally applied, right? Farang men are abused by their western wives, which is why they are here, and by their Thai wives, but they stay, because they love it really.

Right?

Just doing my best to get a summary of the various opinions on the thread...

SC

That appears to be the jist of it, I think.

According to them, if you're not married to or in a relationship with a Thai woman, you have no credible standpoint from which to offer relevant, valid or informed comment on whether farang men dominate (I won't say "abuse") their wives . . . even if you've seen it with your own eyes.

Edited December 25, 2012 by HardenedSoul

[chiangmaikelly]

My understanding is that rene's viewpoint is irrelevant because she is a woman, and the GH's opinion is irrelevant because he hasn't told us about his family life. The rest of you chaps have a valid opinion, though, and in your opinion farangs don't abuse their wives. That's a rule, which can be universally applied, right? Farang men are abused by their western wives, which is why they are here, and by their Thai wives, but they stay, because they love it really.

Right?

Just doing my best to get a summary of the various opinions on the thread...

SC

That appears to be the jist of it, I think.

According to them, if you're not married to or in a relationship with a Thai woman, you have no credible standpoint from which to offer relevant, valid or informed comment on whether farang men dominate (I won't say "abuse") their wives . . . even if you've seen it with your own eyes.

To be fair I mentioned teachers. I would think teachers of 4th, 5th and 6th grades are especially capable of determining if Thai women will be subservient in adulthood. And teachers see a lot more females, thousands in only a few years.

Edited December 25, 2012 by chiangmaikelly

[HardenedSoul]

To be fair I mentioned teachers. I would think teachers of 4th, 5th and 6th grades are especially capable of determining if Thai women will be subservient. And teachers see a lot more females, thousands in only a few years

Ok but the general bias is that if a non-Thai male hasn't made some form of commitment to a Thai woman, he knows precious little or nothing about them as a group beyond the nuances of those he may have paid for their company.

Why not just agree that GH has mixed in an entirely different circle of Thai people than you and Tommo.

[chiangmaikelly]

To be fair I mentioned teachers. I would think teachers of 4th, 5th and 6th grades are especially capable of determining if Thai women will be subservient. And teachers see a lot more females, thousands in only a few years

Ok but the general bias is that if a non-Thai male hasn't made some form of commitment to a Thai woman, he knows precious little or nothing about them as a group beyond the nuances of those he may have paid for their company.

Why not just agree that GH has mixed in an entirely different circle of Thai people than you and Tommo.

You mean GH is mixing with abusive men and subservient women and Tommo and I are not?

Or maybe I got it wrong. What kind of Thai people is GH mixing with and what kind of Thai people are myself and Tommo mixing with?

But you may be correct. I don't mix with any abusive Farangs or subservient Thai women, that's for sure.

Edited December 25, 2012 by chiangmaikelly

[arthurwait]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG4BPNvayWo

[transam]

To be fair I mentioned teachers. I would think teachers of 4th, 5th and 6th grades are especially capable of determining if Thai women will be subservient. And teachers see a lot more females, thousands in only a few years

Ok but the general bias is that if a non-Thai male hasn't made some form of commitment to a Thai woman, he knows precious little or nothing about them as a group beyond the nuances of those he may have paid for their company.

Why not just agree that GH has mixed in an entirely different circle of Thai people than you and Tommo.

You mean GH is mixing with abusive men and subservient women and Tommo and I are not?

Or maybe I got it wrong. What kind of Thai people is GH mixing with and what kind of Thai people are myself and Tommo mixing with?

But you may be correct. I don't mix with any abusive Farangs or subservient Thai women, that's for sure.

I disarmed a Thai lady once who was about to bottle her farang hubby. True.

[HardenedSoul]

To be fair I mentioned teachers. I would think teachers of 4th, 5th and 6th grades are especially capable of determining if Thai women will be subservient. And teachers see a lot more females, thousands in only a few years

Ok but the general bias is that if a non-Thai male hasn't made some form of commitment to a Thai woman, he knows precious little or nothing about them as a group beyond the nuances of those he may have paid for their company.

Why not just agree that GH has mixed in an entirely different circle of Thai people than you and Tommo.

You mean GH is mixing with abusive men and subservient women and Tommo and I are not?

Or maybe I got it wrong. What kind of Thai people is GH mixing with and what kind of Thai people are myself and Tommo mixing with?

No that's not it. Perhaps I should've said farang/Thai couples rather than Thai people since that's what the topic aims to deal with.

As Tommo said earlier:

Every foreigner I have met who has lived with a Thai partner, I always ask "Have you ever been subjected to domestic violence by your Thai partner", they always answer yes, then go on to tell the story.

I myself have met many Thai girls who say they've had boyfriends who've been controlling, manipulative and domineering. These men go through their phones, their Facebook accounts and regularly interrogate their friends to make sure their girls/wives aren't playing away from home. I can appreciate what GH is saying because I've had experience of it.

On the other hand, I've very rarely come across farang guys who've been subjected to domestic violence by their Thai woman. Tantrums and theatrics, yes but violence, no.

Maybe GH just gets out more than you two

Edited December 25, 2012 by HardenedSoul

[meom]

I disarmed a Thai lady once who was about to bottle her farang hubby. True.

Maybe he deserved it?

It seems that more often than not psychological aggression by one partner is the most reliable predictor of the other partner's likelihood of first exhibiting physical aggression.

[transam]

I disarmed a Thai lady once who was about to bottle her farang hubby. True.

Maybe he deserved it?

It seems that more often than not psychological aggression by one partner is the most reliable predictor of the other partner's likelihood of first exhibiting physical aggression.

He did .

But a drunk who had been seriously ripped off by his mrs.

[TommoPhysicist]

According to them, if you're not married to or in a relationship with a Thai woman, you have no credible standpoint from which to offer relevant, valid or informed comment on whether farang men dominate (I won't say "abuse") their wives . . . even if you've seen it with your own eyes.

Most foreigners don't interact much with Thai people, unless they are living in the same house as one.

Thai people aren't really know for letting their feelings show in public.

Wouldn't you agree?

And in my little 'rock' story, outsiders completely mis-read the situation, and were punished accordingly.

Edited December 25, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[transam]

According to them, if you're not married to or in a relationship with a Thai woman, you have no credible standpoint from which to offer relevant, valid or informed comment on whether farang men dominate (I won't say "abuse") their wives . . . even if you've seen it with your own eyes.

Most foreigners don't interact much with Thai people, unless they are living in the same house as one.

Thai people aren't really known for letting their feelings show in public.

Wouldn't you agree?

And in my little 'rock' story, outsiders completely mis-read the situation, and were punished accordingly.

Agree.

[TommoPhysicist]

I myself have met many Thai girls who say they've had boyfriends who've been controlling, manipulative and domineering. These men go through their phones, their Facebook accounts and regularly interrogate their friends to make sure their girls/wives aren't playing away from home. I can appreciate what GH is saying because I've had experience of it.

But as we all know, there is a tendency for Thais to tell a person what they think you want to hear.

I don't know you at all, but if I were a Thai girl, I would know exactly what you want to hear.

There is only one thing a 'young and hansum' foreigner wants to hear.

Anyway, have you ever lived with a Thai person (of any sex) for 4 months or more?

They can't keep up 'best behaviour' for much more than that.

Having sex with someone occasionally, is a lot different to living with someone full-time, which you admit you don't do.

Sorry

I'm classing your credibility at 'tourist level', you don't know much about Thais, just the smiley propaganda.

Edited December 25, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[HardenedSoul]

According to them, if you're not married to or in a relationship with a Thai woman, you have no credible standpoint from which to offer relevant, valid or informed comment on whether farang men dominate (I won't say "abuse") their wives . . . even if you've seen it with your own eyes.

Most foreigners don't interact much with Thai people, unless they are living in the same house as one.

Thai people aren't really know for letting their feelings show in public.

Wouldn't you agree?

And in my little 'rock' story, outsiders completely mis-read the situation, and were punished accordingly.

No Tommo - most farangs you know don't interact much with Thai people.

You live on a farm, mate. Try taking off the blinkers, getting to Bangkok or any large conurbation once in a while and you'll see many farangs interacting with Thai people. I see them every single day.

[TommoPhysicist]

You live on a farm, mate. Try taking off the blinkers, getting to Bangkok or any large conurbation once in a while and you'll see many farangs interacting with Thai people. I see them every single day.

I'm in CM every other week ...... I don't class foreigners talking to shop assistants and waitresses as meaningful interactions. It's still tourist level experiences.

I can't even manage to get most of the foreigners I know to go to a Thai bar. They want to go to a place where the staff speak English and they can order food from English menus.

Edited December 25, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[HardenedSoul]

I myself have met many Thai girls who say they've had boyfriends who've been controlling, manipulative and domineering. These men go through their phones, their Facebook accounts and regularly interrogate their friends to make sure their girls/wives aren't playing away from home. I can appreciate what GH is saying because I've had experience of it.

But as we all know, there is a tendency for Thais to tell a person what they think you want to hear.

I don't know you at all, but if I were a Thai girl, I would know exactly what you want to hear.

There is only one thing a 'young and hansum' foreigner wants to hear.

Yes perhaps if my conversations were restricted to the type of girls who routinely soften up foreign men by with bullshit like, "Thai man no good", you'd be right but having had to, on several occasions, reset email and Facebook account passwords for girls who are friends,I think I can be sure they weren't telling me "what I wanted to hear".

[rene123]

We seem to have at least 4 or 5 different topics going on here at the same time. In Guesthouse's original topic he was referring to Thai women living in a foreign country that were being subjected to mental or physical abuse by a control freak husband, and the women had no means of escape to family or friends. That is far, far different than farang men trying to control their Thai wives in Thailand.

This topic has gone on for 12 pages of bickering. You either agree that mental and physical abuse is okay or you don't. It's quite simple. The reasons behind abuse are varied, both for the abuser and the abused.

[HardenedSoul]

You live on a farm, mate. Try taking off the blinkers, getting to Bangkok or any large conurbation once in a while and you'll see many farangs interacting with Thai people. I see them every single day.

I'm in CM every other week ...... I don't class foreigners talking to shop assistants and waitresses as meaningful interactions. It's still tourist level experiences.

I can't even manage to get most of the foreigners I know to go to a Thai bar. They want to go to a place where the staff speak English and they can order food from English menus.

No do I regard talking with waitresses/shop assistants as meaningful interactions.

Again, foreigners you know. The ones I know have no issues going to Thai bars or clubs.

[BookMan]

We seem to have at least 4 or 5 different topics going on here at the same time. In Guesthouse's original topic he was referring to Thai women living in a foreign country that were being subjected to mental or physical abuse by a control freak husband, and the women had no means of escape to family or friends. That is far, far different than farang men trying to control their Thai wives in Thailand.

This topic has gone on for 12 pages of bickering. You either agree that mental and physical abuse is okay or you don't. It's quite simple. The reasons behind abuse are varied, both for the abuser and the abused.

I do not think anyone here has condoned mental or physical abuse.

There does however seem to be disagreement on whether abuse/control even takes place by farang men against thai women.

IMO there are plenty of control freak farangs with Thai GFs. These are the very same guys I have seen back in Australia who have the same control issues over their GFs. Whether or not the Thai GF accepts the controlling behaviour is a different story.

On the point the OP mentioned in his Opening post: it is much easier to exert control and abuse over someone when they are in foreign surrounds and have less options for recourse.

[AntMan1]

I disarmed a Thai lady once who was about to bottle her farang hubby. True.

Maybe he deserved it?

It seems that more often than not psychological aggression by one partner is the most reliable predictor of the other partner's likelihood of first exhibiting physical aggression.

And women are far better at the mind games/ psychological stuff then men.

But when you speak/argue/shout back it is now known as verbal abuse, the crap women make up eh!

According to them, if you're not married to or in a relationship with a Thai woman, you have no credible standpoint from which to offer relevant, valid or informed comment on whether farang men dominate (I won't say "abuse") their wives . . . even if you've seen it with your own eyes.

Most foreigners don't interact much with Thai people, unless they are living in the same house as one.

Thai people aren't really know for letting their feelings show in public.

Wouldn't you agree?

They might not wear their heart on their sleeve in public, but they're more then happy to gossip and tell the world intimate details of their private life.

I wish i was one of those foreigners who never interacts with Thais its not what those folk with a Phd in Thai people make it out to be.

[473geo]

I cannot see where any person condones the abuse of another human being of any nationality - why would they? This is plainly unacceptable, but never the less a facet of life in relationships

The contentious issue on this thread is, I believe, the final inflamatory phrase in the opening post

GK said

"It seems there are an awful lot of inadequate men out there who treat their Thai wives/girlfriends like some kind of property, scared sh1tless of allowing another human being the independence we all have a right to."

Dependshow other posters view the quantity 'an awful lot'

Perhaps GK would be so good as to quantify this statement, based on a little more than two examples and visiting Thai language forums

You see to suggest that 'an awful lot', may be a majority carries sinister undertones regarding farang/Thai relationships and is surely an insult to those of us who care for our Thai wives and families, take their thoughts and opinions into consideration, allow free and easy access to cash, encourage them to have opinion and develop their skills....

Oh and just to add 'pussy whipped'........a comment usually garnered from groups who feel compelled to meet up and discuss the poor side of Thai and farang behaviour through the bottom of a glass, and have difficulty understanding why others prefer to spend time with their loved ones

Edited December 25, 2012 by 473geo

[GuestHouse]

It would be ludicrous to deny that abuse of Thai women by their farang partners takes place.

I have reported examples, others have reported examples - but you don't have to take those reports as evidence, simple knowledge of human nature informs us that in any population there are abusive people who abuse their partners. It simply is not tennable to state that there are no Farang men abusing their Thai partners.

What is interesting is the clear indication that some here simply do not want the topic to be discussed.

Farang men abusing their Thai parnters, physically, emotionally or exhibiting the control freak behavioru is something some hear are clarly not comforatable discussing.

I do not speculate why that is.

[GuestHouse]

I cannot see where any person condones the abuse of another human being of any nationality - why would they? This is plainly unacceptable, but never the less a facet of life in relationships

The contentious issue on this thread is, I believe, the final inflamatory phrase in the opening post

GK said

"It seems there are an awful lot of inadequate men out there who treat their Thai wives/girlfriends like some kind of property, scared sh1tless of allowing another human being the independence we all have a right to."

Dependshow other posters view the quantity 'an awful lot'

Perhaps GK would be so good as to quantify this statement, based on a little more than two examples and visiting Thai language forums

You see to suggest that 'an awful lot', may be a majority carries sinister undertones regarding farang/Thai relationships and is surely an insult to those of us who care for our Thai wives and families, take their thoughts and opinions into consideration, allow free and easy access to cash, encourage them to have opinion and develop their skills....

Oh and just to add 'pussy whipped'........a comment usually garnered from groups who feel compelled to meet up and discuss the poor side of Thai and farang behaviour through the bottom of a glass, and have difficulty understanding why others prefer to spend time with their loved ones

One single person abusing their partner is one too many.

Those who love and care for their partners will be offended by the idea of others abusing their partners and will not be offended by a statement they know does not and cannot apply to themselves.

[473geo]

I cannot see where any person condones the abuse of another human being of any nationality - why would they? This is plainly unacceptable, but never the less a facet of life in relationships

The contentious issue on this thread is, I believe, the final inflamatory phrase in the opening post

GK said

"It seems there are an awful lot of inadequate men out there who treat their Thai wives/girlfriends like some kind of property, scared sh1tless of allowing another human being the independence we all have a right to."

Dependshow other posters view the quantity 'an awful lot'

Perhaps GK would be so good as to quantify this statement, based on a little more than two examples and visiting Thai language forums

You see to suggest that 'an awful lot', may be a majority carries sinister undertones regarding farang/Thai relationships and is surely an insult to those of us who care for our Thai wives and families, take their thoughts and opinions into consideration, allow free and easy access to cash, encourage them to have opinion and develop their skills....

Oh and just to add 'pussy whipped'........a comment usually garnered from groups who feel compelled to meet up and discuss the poor side of Thai and farang behaviour through the bottom of a glass, and have difficulty understanding why others prefer to spend time with their loved ones

One single person abusing their partner is one too many.

Those who love and care for their partners will be offended by the idea of others abusing their partners and will not be offended by a statement they know does not and cannot apply to themselves.

Of course GK one is too many, but the undertone you present is one that abuse in Farang/Thai relationships occurs 'an awful lot' ....... You see what I find offensive is that you appear to wish to make the generalisation that the abuse is common, thus catching the farang 'innocents' in the fall out......you see 'an awful lot' of farangs in good solid relationships with Thai women may well agree with the no abuse, period, but they surely have the right to complain that your generalisations may well taint the opinions of 'an awful lot' of theThai populace.....

[TommoPhysicist]

Those who love and care for their partners will be offended by the idea of others abusing their partners and will not be offended by a statement they know does not and cannot apply to themselves.

Most people who love and care for their partners mind their own business and don't give a hoot what other couples get up to. You seem to have too much time, and not enough to fill it IMHO.

Edited December 25, 2012 by TommoPhysicist