Control Freak Farangs

[GuestHouse]

Some time back I wrote on TV of an encounter my wife and I had with a Thai woman married and living in the UK with her English husband.

I say 'living', if you recall my report the woman was spending her days locked in the house, only allowed out with her husband and when she agreed for us to contact a women's support organisation on her behalf, the police and social services were called in, the Thai wife was admitted to hospital suffering malnutrition.

It was for my wife and I a shock to see a woman treated like this by a man ( I use the term loosely) within whom she had presumably placed a great deal of trust.

If that was a one off case it might be considered unusual, it seems it is not.

Since that encounter I have learned of a Thai friend's sister who was rescued by her family from abuse by her British husband, by chance her brother called to visit one evening to discover his sister tied up in the house - not as a result of a break-in but tied up by her husband while he went out in Pattaya (I know in this case justice was sought without the help of the police).

These are, I hope, extreme cases, but I know a number of Thai women who's Farang husbands don't allow them the freedom to go out on girl's nights out, don't allow them to take holidays without their husband, and many more who control the cash and hence their wife's ability to do anything independently of their husbands.

My wife and I yesterday met a Thai woman we've known for over ten years. She was not the well dressed, well presented beauty we know her to be, but wearing no make-up and very plainly dressed. She explained her Nowegian husband doesn't allow her to dress up or wear make-up (This the prompt for my post)

Furthermore, my observations on this are substantiated in frequent reports on the Thai language forum dealing with the 'Thai' side of Thai/Foreign relationships.

It seems there are an awful lot of inadequate men out there who treat their Thai wives/girlfriends like some kind of property, scared sh1tless of allowing another human being the independence we all have a right to.

Edited December 20, 2012 by GuestHouse

[Johnniey]

Are you talking about prostitutes or is it just a coincidence that you talk about Pattaya in this post and many of your other posts?

Not that prostitutes deserve abuse more than other women but it is another ingredient in the mix for finding reasons for this.

If some men treat their wives as some kind of property , it could be because they have, in fact, paid for them.

Edited December 20, 2012 by Johnniey

[Soutpeel]

In Thailand, in my experience there are farangs who believe their spouses/GF's are their "property", no different from owning a car, one suspects in the examples you cite there is a significant age difference between the couple ? and therefore the farang is scared the spouse or GF is going to run off with someone closer their own age or start a relationship with someone there own age, hence the reason they subject their spouses/GF to house arrest and try and control every aspect of their lives...

for the most part a lot of farangs living in Thailand are "damaged" in someway, typically because of their previous relationships in the west or they have always been nutjob's

Reading some of the posts over the years on TV and the way certain members talk about their wives/GF etc...one suspects there are quite a few control freaks as members of TV as well...

Edited December 20, 2012 by Soutpeel

[mrtoad]

Thailand attracts its fair shark of two week millionaire, nut jobs, social outcasts and Walter Mitty like personas. It's no surprise that there are incidents like this, although its also worth noting that there are also a number of Farangs that have been abused by their Thai partners or Thai families as well. In the end, there are the same types in whatever country they are from, although a place like Pattaya seems to attract a higher percentage.

[theblether]

GH......this type of behaviour is abhorrent and repulsive, and is often a direct consequence of the male being an inadequate control freak as you point out.

It's not a farang issue, it's a worldwide issue. Ask the Australians about the problems of certain aboriginals mutilating their wives to make them less attractive to other men.

The Chinese are known for effectively imprisoning their women, I know of one case here in Glasgow where the woman has effectively been under house arrest for 14 years.

That's before we move on to to treatment of women in many Islamic countries........and in Thailand the rate of separation and divorce tells us that there is something remiss too.

Personally, I've dated far too many women who have believable horror stories about control freak exes. I despair about the state some women find themselves in and I abhor the men that control them so.

Unfortunately, it will be ever thus until all societies make this type of behaviour socially unacceptable, and don't just take a "behind closed doors" attitude.

I have a cousin that suffered at the hands of that type of guy. The guy got the benefit of the doubt a few times, then he got done in by her father and brother. That solved a short term problem, but even now 20 years later she is still suffering from the emotional trauma.

Some men scar some women for life.

[inthepink]

That all sounds rather sad. I see more of the opposite from mixed couples living in Thailand. Guys who seem to have been voluntarily castrated when they moved in with their girlfriend and are no longer able to come out for a drink without their other half tagging along to keep an eye on them.

[Kilgore Trout]

Some time back I wrote on TV of an encounter my wife and I had with a Thai woman married and living in the UK with her English husband.

I say 'living', if you recall my report the woman was spending her days locked in the house, only allowed out with her husband and when she agreed for us to contact a women's support organisation on her behalf, the police and social services were called in, the Thai wife was admitted to hospital suffering malnutrition.

It was for my wife and I a shock to see a woman treated like this by a man ( I use the term loosely) within whom she had presumably placed a great deal of trust.

If that was a one off case it might be considered unusual, it seems it is not.

Since that encounter I have learned of a Thai friend's sister who was rescued by her family from abuse by her British husband, by chance her brother called to visit one evening to discover his sister tied up in the house - not as a result of a break-in but tied up by her husband while he went out in Pattaya (I know in this case justice was sought without the help of the police).

These are, I hope, extreme cases, but I know a number of Thai women who's Farang husbands don't allow them the freedom to go out on girl's nights out, don't allow them to take holidays without their husband, and many more who control the cash and hence their wife's ability to do anything independently of their husbands.

My wife and I yesterday met a Thai woman we've known for over ten years. She was not the well dressed, well presented beauty we know her to be, but wearing no make-up and very plainly dressed. She explained her Nowegian husband doesn't allow her to dress up or wear make-up (This the prompt for my post)

Furthermore, my observations on this are substantiated in frequent reports on the Thai language forum dealing with the 'Thai' side of Thai/Foreign relationships.

It seems there are an awful lot of inadequate men out there who treat their Thai wives/girlfriends like some kind of property, scared sh1tless of allowing another human being the independence we all have a right to.

There are a lot more cases of thai men doing this, especially here in thailand-_-

Perhaps you could focus on that rather than singling out westerners, or perhaps you are racist and expect less from thais?

Sent from my GT-S5660 using Thaivisa Connect App

[transam]

Perhaps the OP's ''dodgy'' farang friends fear their lovely ladies moving on to fresh fields and so end up using strange behaviour.

The other side of the coin is l know a couple of Thai ladies in the UK, who were married, and were putting it about.

[edwinchester]

Anyone who behaves as in the OP is a nut job pure and simple and has no trust in their wife.

Could happen anywhere in the world too.

One of my wifes friends here in the village tells of her ex Thai husbands crazy behaviour. He bricked up the bedroom window so she couldn't sneak out at night and also spread talc over the floor near the bedroom door to see if she was on the prowl at night too.......he's nuts!!

Edited December 20, 2012 by edwinchester

[Heng]

Have met a few.... both Thais and locals with this issue in varying levels. In general it seems like a defense mechanism or reaction to having living large or at least significant portions of their lives where they have little control. It also seems to be a trait of folks who don't adjust to new environments well. I have a foreign neighbor who I can see from one of my balconies who won't enter his own home until he has lined up all of the shoes outside 'in order.' He apparently makes his wife and kids do the same. I don't want to make too many assumptions about his life, but he's the kind of guy who regularly scolds/yells at the garbage collectors when they leave some scraps of garbage on the road after a garbage collection.

Edited December 20, 2012 by Heng

[tinfoilhat]

Are you talking about prostitutes or is it just a coincidence that you talk about Pattaya in this post and many of your other posts?

Not that prostitutes deserve abuse more than other women but it is another ingredient in the mix for finding reasons for this.

If some men treat their wives as some kind of property , it could be because they have, in fact, paid for them.

or could it simply be that he lives in the Pattaya area.

I once paid for a pet, that did not give me the right to beat, starve or otherwise abuse it.

[StreetCowboy]

Some time back I wrote on TV of an encounter my wife and I had with a Thai woman married and living in the UK with her English husband.

I say 'living', if you recall my report the woman was spending her days locked in the house, only allowed out with her husband and when she agreed for us to contact a women's support organisation on her behalf, the police and social services were called in, the Thai wife was admitted to hospital suffering malnutrition.

It was for my wife and I a shock to see a woman treated like this by a man ( I use the term loosely) within whom she had presumably placed a great deal of trust.

If that was a one off case it might be considered unusual, it seems it is not.

Since that encounter I have learned of a Thai friend's sister who was rescued by her family from abuse by her British husband, by chance her brother called to visit one evening to discover his sister tied up in the house - not as a result of a break-in but tied up by her husband while he went out in Pattaya (I know in this case justice was sought without the help of the police).

These are, I hope, extreme cases, but I know a number of Thai women who's Farang husbands don't allow them the freedom to go out on girl's nights out, don't allow them to take holidays without their husband, and many more who control the cash and hence their wife's ability to do anything independently of their husbands.

My wife and I yesterday met a Thai woman we've known for over ten years. She was not the well dressed, well presented beauty we know her to be, but wearing no make-up and very plainly dressed. She explained her Nowegian husband doesn't allow her to dress up or wear make-up (This the prompt for my post)

Furthermore, my observations on this are substantiated in frequent reports on the Thai language forum dealing with the 'Thai' side of Thai/Foreign relationships.

It seems there are an awful lot of inadequate men out there who treat their Thai wives/girlfriends like some kind of property, scared sh1tless of allowing another human being the independence we all have a right to.

There are a lot more cases of thai men doing this, especially here in thailand-_-

Perhaps you could focus on that rather than singling out westerners, or perhaps you are racist and expect less from thais?

Sent from my GT-S5660 using Thaivisa Connect App

Perhaps he is better placed to raise it with fellow westerners. Perhaps he is shy about tackling people of other race on such topics, and would rather do his best to help his neighbours, before he starts to worry about those on the other side of town.

"They're worse than us" is no excuse for poor behaviour

SC

[Neeranam]

Have met a few.... both Thais and locals with this issue in varying levels. In general it seems like a defense mechanism or reaction to having living large or at least significant portions of their lives where they have little control. It also seems to be a trait of folks who don't adjust to new environments well. I have a foreign neighbor who I can see from one of my balconies who won't enter his own home until he has lined up all of the shoes outside 'in order.' He apparently makes his wife and kids do the same. I don't want to make too many assumptions about his life, but he's the kind of guy who regularly scolds/yells at the garbage collectors when they leave some scraps of garbage on the road after a garbage collection.

I thought Thais were locals.

[inthepink]

Have met a few.... both Thais and locals with this issue in varying levels. In general it seems like a defense mechanism or reaction to having living large or at least significant portions of their lives where they have little control. It also seems to be a trait of folks who don't adjust to new environments well. I have a foreign neighbor who I can see from one of my balconies who won't enter his own home until he has lined up all of the shoes outside 'in order.' He apparently makes his wife and kids do the same. I don't want to make too many assumptions about his life, but he's the kind of guy who regularly scolds/yells at the garbage collectors when they leave some scraps of garbage on the road after a garbage collection.

I thought Thais were locals.

They like to think they are. Strutting around like they own the place.

[Heng]

Have met a few.... both Thais and foreigners with this issue in varying levels. In general it seems like a defense mechanism or reaction to having living large or at least significant portions of their lives where they have little control. It also seems to be a trait of folks who don't adjust to new environments well. I have a foreign neighbor who I can see from one of my balconies who won't enter his own home until he has lined up all of the shoes outside 'in order.' He apparently makes his wife and kids do the same. I don't want to make too many assumptions about his life, but he's the kind of guy who regularly scolds/yells at the garbage collectors when they leave some scraps of garbage on the road after a garbage collection.

I thought Thais were locals.

Ah yes. Edited, thanks!

[rene123]

There is a good deal of truth to most of the responses here and it is very sad. Being a woman, I've heard all the horror stories and it makes me angry. But, it is believeable for no other reasons than the ones already pointed out by these replies. Unfortunately, I believe a lot of Thai women are taught from an early age to be subservient to men, just as all Thai children are taught to believe everything a teacher or superior tells them, even if it is wrong.

[overherebc]

That all sounds rather sad. I see more of the opposite from mixed couples living in Thailand. Guys who seem to have been voluntarily castrated when they moved in with their girlfriend and are no longer able to come out for a drink without their other half tagging along to keep an eye on them.

The version I hate is when the guy gets a phone call every 10 minutes when he is out with friends. Switching off doesn't work because she will turn up 20 minutes later to find out what's wrong with his phone.

[Johnniey]

Are you talking about prostitutes or is it just a coincidence that you talk about Pattaya in this post and many of your other posts?

Not that prostitutes deserve abuse more than other women but it is another ingredient in the mix for finding reasons for this.

If some men treat their wives as some kind of property , it could be because they have, in fact, paid for them.

or could it simply be that he lives in the Pattaya area.

I once paid for a pet, that did not give me the right to beat, starve or otherwise abuse it.

I did not say it gave them the right.

Sent from my GT-I9100T using Thaivisa Connect App

[inthepink]

That all sounds rather sad. I see more of the opposite from mixed couples living in Thailand. Guys who seem to have been voluntarily castrated when they moved in with their girlfriend and are no longer able to come out for a drink without their other half tagging along to keep an eye on them.

The version I hate is when the guy gets a phone call every 10 minutes when he is out with friends. Switching off doesn't work because she will turn up 20 minutes later to find out what's wrong with his phone.

Tell me about it. And the guys it happens to always seem to be normal, healthy males - no clue that they are about to turn into a big jessie as soon as they start dating an evil Thai lady (*joke*). My other half never seems to care where I go or what I do when I go out - which I suppose should worry me a little! Edited December 20, 2012 by inthepink

[briboy]

just goes to show that there is no love or trust in the realinship, so therefor there is nothing, "NORMAL" so called people would not even think of doing that to a dog let alone another person, maybe they should be tied up down the back of the wood heap and as you pass belt em with a rock, you know an eye for an eye as they say..........

[Kilgore Trout]

Some time back I wrote on TV of an encounter my wife and I had with a Thai woman married and living in the UK with her English husband.

I say 'living', if you recall my report the woman was spending her days locked in the house, only allowed out with her husband and when she agreed for us to contact a women's support organisation on her behalf, the police and social services were called in, the Thai wife was admitted to hospital suffering malnutrition.

It was for my wife and I a shock to see a woman treated like this by a man ( I use the term loosely) within whom she had presumably placed a great deal of trust.

If that was a one off case it might be considered unusual, it seems it is not.

Since that encounter I have learned of a Thai friend's sister who was rescued by her family from abuse by her British husband, by chance her brother called to visit one evening to discover his sister tied up in the house - not as a result of a break-in but tied up by her husband while he went out in Pattaya (I know in this case justice was sought without the help of the police).

These are, I hope, extreme cases, but I know a number of Thai women who's Farang husbands don't allow them the freedom to go out on girl's nights out, don't allow them to take holidays without their husband, and many more who control the cash and hence their wife's ability to do anything independently of their husbands.

My wife and I yesterday met a Thai woman we've known for over ten years. She was not the well dressed, well presented beauty we know her to be, but wearing no make-up and very plainly dressed. She explained her Nowegian husband doesn't allow her to dress up or wear make-up (This the prompt for my post)

Furthermore, my observations on this are substantiated in frequent reports on the Thai language forum dealing with the 'Thai' side of Thai/Foreign relationships.

It seems there are an awful lot of inadequate men out there who treat their Thai wives/girlfriends like some kind of property, scared sh1tless of allowing another human being the independence we all have a right to.

There are a lot more cases of thai men doing this, especially here in thailand-_-

Perhaps you could focus on that rather than singling out westerners, or perhaps you are racist and expect less from thais?

Sent from my GT-S5660 using Thaivisa Connect App

Perhaps he is better placed to raise it with fellow westerners. Perhaps he is shy about tackling people of other race on such topics, and would rather do his best to help his neighbours, before he starts to worry about those on the other side of town.

"They're worse than us" is no excuse for poor behaviour

SC

And being "shy" is no excuse to ignore bad behavior

Basically what you are saying is; go after the easy target and ignore the real problem. What a load of crap

Edited December 20, 2012 by Kilgore Trout

[Hedghog]

My Thai Gf ties me up.

Lovin it.

[Neeranam]

I believe a lot of Thai women are taught from an early age to be subservient to men,

Yes, this is the way it is. This subservience is what attracts a lot of men from all over the world to hook up with a Thai woman.

I must admit I find it nice. It is what it is.

I do however have mixed feeling when my wife shows signs of subservience in front of my girls. I don't want them to grow up being subservient - I know that's hypocritical.

Edited December 20, 2012 by Neeranam

[Soutpeel]

Yes, this is the way it is. This subservience is what attracts a lot of men from all over the world to hook up with a Thai woman.

I must admit I find it nice. It is what it is.

Someone forgot to tell Mrs Soutpeel this...LOL..

[cooked]

The Op says someone isn't allowed to wear make-up. First and only condition I made before we got married: no chemical brainwashed crap smeared on your face, please! People in shops volunteer that she is a beauty, so why doesn't she wear make-up? From my point of view she is a beauty so doesn't need make-up. No way I could kiss a lip-sticked girl, which admittedly cuts down my choice a bit. In return I shower at least once a month...

[overherebc]

Yes, this is the way it is. This subservience is what attracts a lot of men from all over the world to hook up with a Thai woman.

I must admit I find it nice. It is what it is.

Someone forgot to tell Mrs Soutpeel this...LOL..

I think I married her big sister.

I did post once before that the Avatar is the mental picture I get when she phones me from the office.

Edited December 20, 2012 by overherebc

[tinfoilhat]

I believe a lot of Thai women are taught from an early age to be subservient to men,

Yes, this is the way it is. This subservience is what attracts a lot of men from all over the world to hook up with a Thai woman.

I must admit I find it nice. It is what it is.

I do however have mixed feeling when my wife shows signs of subservience in front of my girls. I don't want them to grow up being subservient - I know that's hypocritical.

generally speaking thee subservience is just that -- a show.

the men described here are broken men. They have had failed relationships, been cuckolded, have lost money in bitter divorce settlements.

they hate themselves and they hate women. they are insecure and insignificant.

I pity the woman who ends up with them

[chrisinth]

For someone to act like this; confining and restricting their spouses movements show a huge insecurity complex in the person imposing it.

Speaking only for myself (as I usually don't get involved with other couples domestics), my wife and I have a totally open relationship in that either of us can do as we please (yes, I am sure there are boundries somewhere in that statement) and there has never been a reason to get permission from one another to do what we want. It is called trust! It can be a little bit difficult to aquire, but once found it should last a lifetime.

Inthepink made a comment earlier in the thread:

"I see more of the opposite from mixed couples living in Thailand. Guys who seem to have been voluntarily castrated when they moved in with their girlfriend and are no longer able to come out for a drink without their other half tagging along to keep an eye on them".

I have seen this as well with people mving to the area I am living (up-country), usually with couples moving from commercial areas. While it is true that you do get some castigating themselves, I also see others being segregated from the local farang community by the other half. This appears to be accepted.

Strange world we live in, but now't stranger than folk.....................

[theblether]

My Thai Gf ties me up.

Lovin it.

You should get her to gag you too. We'll love that.

[Trembly]

There is a good deal of truth to most of the responses here and it is very sad. Being a woman, I've heard all the horror stories and it makes me angry. But, it is believeable for no other reasons than the ones already pointed out by these replies. Unfortunately, I believe a lot of Thai women are taught from an early age to be subservient to men, just as all Thai children are taught to believe everything a teacher or superior tells them, even if it is wrong.

I'm not trying to be contrarian on purpose but I see plenty of the opposite as a secondary school teacher! Mind you, Isan culture breeds some really tough (but not necessarily butch) girls, not unlike Ireland.

Edited December 20, 2012 by Trembly