My Wife Has Thrown Me In The Deep End!

[Rsquared]

Thank you NancyL, great post......and that was the basis of what my wife was trying to do for me. She said that if they think you can understand them, then they won't say bad things about you when you are in their presence.

But it has backfired somewhat, now my neighbour, SiL, nephews...all related family and friends think that I understand what they are saying.

Ah well, back to more study.

I'm with you Loong, I've always called ants "mot" and be understood by locals.

I have a falang friend about 100km away (I said I was in the sticks) and whenever I see him, he pronounces water as nam (as in Pan Am) and I know it should be pronounced as "narm", yet he brags that he has a better handle on the language than me......so I just let it go.

Cheers.

[Thongkorn]

I suppose its which situation you are in , I learned a few words very quickly when living in the jungle i just wanted to live in the Jungle for a while , one of those things to do type things. after about 2 months of wondering around with Thai people trying to speak to me. an old man about 70 picked an, ant up and pointed to it, and started to say to me mut mut, i thought he had lost it or just taking the Micky out of me then i realized he was trying to teach me Thai, After that i soon learned how to ask for food, or water, Say small things like good morning, good afternoon and the rest, he also he taught me the names of the nasty s, Snakes spiders and most other biting or stinging things. So it was in my interest to learn, maybe living in a place where you don't think you need to learn has some thing to do with it ,

Another good example of how useful it is to learn to read Thai.

I think that most people who read "mut" will pronounce it the same as "cut", starting with an "m"

"Mot" to my mind is much closer to the Thai word for ant, "Mut" is nowhere near it.

i have perforated ears drums.

[hughben]

How about you get the wife to speak to you in Thai for at least an hour a day to start with. Like when she is cooking or something. You can help.

[Rsquared]

How about you get the wife to speak to you in Thai for at least an hour a day to start with. Like when she is cooking or something. You can help.

Been trying that for the last 10 years....I want to help, but my teflon brain is the problem.

Cheers.

[LarryBird]

Some Thai wives don't want their western husbands learning Thai -- they want their husbands to be isolated and dependent upon them for even the simple transactions involving money, visas, property titles, etc. One of my pet peeves is watching the older western guys with their Thai wives conducting business at the bank, immigration, utility offices, etc, in Chiang Mai. These places have customer service reps who speak acceptable English, yet when a guy has a Thai wife, they will revert to talking to the wife in Thai. Often the customer service reps are speaking entire paragraphs about complex transactions, which the wife then conducts, often with minimal input from the western guy who is supplying the money. Certainly the poor guy is not getting a word-for-word translation of what he is signing or OKing.

My husband and I have been invited to a few social functions where we are the only western/western couple. All the other guys have the "good fortune" to be married to young, beautiful Thai wives while poor Hubby is stuck with his original western wife. Anyway, I'm in "no woman's land" at these functions -- I have little in common with the Thai wives and the guys don't want to talk with an old, pudgy white woman who reminds them of their first wife. So, I drink beer and hover. I understand the Thai language much better than I speak (and can read and write, too) All the wives talk about are the latest things their husband bought for them for them or their family -- how much money their husbands are spending on them. They try to out-do each other and you can see the jealousy building among them.

Once I shared with some of the guys what their wives were saying and they were shocked at their topics of conversation. I said, "what did you expect them to be saying -- how good you are in bed?"

Post of the year..

Edited January 20, 2013 by LarryBird

[sms747]

How about you get the wife to speak to you in Thai for at least an hour a day to start with. Like when she is cooking or something. You can help.

Surprised nobody has mentioned tones and the difficulty in learning them, it's not the words and the grammar that is hard, the tones make it impossible for me. I just cannot identify them at all, even on the TV nobody sounds like they are using tones. I have given up.

[TomTao]

How about you get the wife to speak to you in Thai for at least an hour a day to start with. Like when she is cooking or something. You can help.

Surprised nobody has mentioned tones and the difficulty in learning them, it's not the words and the grammar that is hard, the tones make it impossible for me. I just cannot identify them at all, even on the TV nobody sounds like they are using tones. I have given up.

Post No. 30

[Pormax]

I too have a problem learning Thai but my main problem is I am not sure what language they are speaking at any given time. In our village they mostly speak Cambodian but the next village speak Lao.

Anyway the way to learn a language is to do the same as you did with your home language when a baby.

Listen

copy

learn what is being said

Remember

Speak

Then after try and read and write.

This is the only order that will work.

From my experience the teachers (Thai) that try and teach English go about it the wrong way. Pupils buy books then are asked to complete

exercises such as fill in words when they have no reading skills and have no idea how to actually say the words or what the words mean.

I recently signed up for an English course for my adopted daughter but after 4 lessons pulled her out as she learnt nothing. Not even the alphabet or how to say numbers in English. The teacher has certificates on the wall saying she has passed three modules from Cambridge University on how to teach English, yet I had a hard job communicating with her. Now I have decided to teach my daughter myself.

[Briggsy]

I am afraid 2 years immersed in a Thai environment and no progress means you will almost certainly not succeed to any extent to learn the language. I strongly suspect it is not related to the wrong method but is related to aptitude. Sorry to be harsh.

Rearrange your life so you can speak have English-speaking friends.

[Rsquared]

I am afraid 2 years immersed in a Thai environment and no progress means you will almost certainly not succeed to any extent to learn the language. I strongly suspect it is not related to the wrong method but is related to aptitude. Sorry to be harsh.

Rearrange your life so you can speak have English-speaking friends.

Thanks Briggsy....you've just given me the incentive to prove you wrong.

Cheers.

[Rsquared]

Very good you explain this RX!

1 to me it means you are not afraid to speak your mind.

2 to me i personally consider 'heads down' in your situation 'heads up!' (exclamation mark included). There you go..

So are you in possession of the bejawan book that was discussed earlier? It really is my bible..

Mine looks rough because i travelled with me many times back and fort to Thailand..

Thanks DAL, yes I have that book but got bogged down....so now I am concentrating on High Speed Thai, I like the way they go about building a strong foundation and using the Anki system really does help.

Cheers.

[LarryBird]

I am afraid 2 years immersed in a Thai environment and no progress means you will almost certainly not succeed to any extent to learn the language. I strongly suspect it is not related to the wrong method but is related to aptitude. Sorry to be harsh.

Rearrange your life so you can speak have English-speaking friends.

Thanks Briggsy....you've just given me the incentive to prove you wrong.

Cheers.

R-Squared, it's funny, i was going to recommend to you that you read a somewhat unrelated book called 'Outliers' by Malcolm Gladwell. I think it's a very inspirational book. One thing he does in it is dispel the idea of 'aptitude.' One example he gives about countries with students that perform well in math is simply awesome, and it should be told to anyone that ever steps in a classroom, teacher or student. Basically, he shows that effort told the ENTIRE story when determining performance on worldwide testing evaluation. I don't want to spoil it for you, in case you read it, but believe me, you'll enjoy reading it.

Realize, the most important thing you can do is try and keep trying. If you put in 5 hours a day for the next half a year, no matter how far you've come, be proud of yourself for trying.

And by the way, with your ability to write and communicate the way you do, I know the real reason you haven't made progress is because you haven't put forth the effort. When I first came to Thailand, I thought I would absorb the language through osmosis.. Well, I was completely wrong. 6 months in , I knew next to nothing. Then I hit the books and taught myself, and it came along much faster.

Best of luck to you. Aside from playing some golf, you must have a bit of time on your hands. Treat it like getting a master's degree or something. You're going to get good at Thai, and learn about eastern culture. A true experience.

Edited January 21, 2013 by LarryBird

[Rsquared]

Many thanks for those inspiring words Larry, I will look up the book you recommended.

I too hoped that osmosis would work, but alas will have to do it the good old fashion way.

Cheers.

[futurespeter]

Some Thai wives don't want their western husbands learning Thai -- they want their husbands to be isolated and dependent upon them for even the simple transactions involving money, visas, property titles, etc. One of my pet peeves is watching the older western guys with their Thai wives conducting business at the bank, immigration, utility offices, etc, in Chiang Mai. These places have customer service reps who speak acceptable English, yet when a guy has a Thai wife, they will revert to talking to the wife in Thai. Often the customer service reps are speaking entire paragraphs about complex transactions, which the wife then conducts, often with minimal input from the western guy who is supplying the money. Certainly the poor guy is not getting a word-for-word translation of what he is signing or OKing.

My husband and I have been invited to a few social functions where we are the only western/western couple. All the other guys have the "good fortune" to be married to young, beautiful Thai wives while poor Hubby is stuck with his original western wife. Anyway, I'm in "no woman's land" at these functions -- I have little in common with the Thai wives and the guys don't want to talk with an old, pudgy white woman who reminds them of their first wife. So, I drink beer and hover. I understand the Thai language much better than I speak (and can read and write, too) All the wives talk about are the latest things their husband bought for them for them or their family -- how much money their husbands are spending on them. They try to out-do each other and you can see the jealousy building among them.

Once I shared with some of the guys what their wives were saying and they were shocked at their topics of conversation. I said, "what did you expect them to be saying -- how good you are in bed?"

Thanks for your great post.

[NanLaew]

Some Thai wives don't want their western husbands learning Thai -- they want their husbands to be isolated and dependent upon them for even the simple transactions involving money, visas, property titles, etc. One of my pet peeves is watching the older western guys with their Thai wives conducting business at the bank, immigration, utility offices, etc, in Chiang Mai. These places have customer service reps who speak acceptable English, yet when a guy has a Thai wife, they will revert to talking to the wife in Thai. Often the customer service reps are speaking entire paragraphs about complex transactions, which the wife then conducts, often with minimal input from the western guy who is supplying the money. Certainly the poor guy is not getting a word-for-word translation of what he is signing or OKing.

My husband and I have been invited to a few social functions where we are the only western/western couple. All the other guys have the "good fortune" to be married to young, beautiful Thai wives while poor Hubby is stuck with his original western wife. Anyway, I'm in "no woman's land" at these functions -- I have little in common with the Thai wives and the guys don't want to talk with an old, pudgy white woman who reminds them of their first wife. So, I drink beer and hover. I understand the Thai language much better than I speak (and can read and write, too) All the wives talk about are the latest things their husband bought for them for them or their family -- how much money their husbands are spending on them. They try to out-do each other and you can see the jealousy building among them.

Once I shared with some of the guys what their wives were saying and they were shocked at their topics of conversation. I said, "what did you expect them to be saying -- how good you are in bed?"

Post of the year..

Sounds like wives yacking anywhere in the world IMHO.

Except for them Thai-Chinese hi-so bints. They are different.

May Nancy's "good fortune" endure.

Edited January 21, 2013 by NanLaew

[rct99q]

Hi NancyL. I am just a bit curious as to where you live. I live in the Northeast Thailand near Nong Khai and have done so for the past three years. I taught myself to Laos first and then moved on to Isan and finally Thai. I am nowhere near fluent but can get by.

I have seen the scenario you related to on occasion (ie the bank etc) but in my travels have never heard or over heard the conversation you talk about. The wives all talking about the latest things their husbands have bought for them etc. I admit my get togethers do not include a lot of western men / thai wives but a few..

It seems to be one of these stereo types you hear about Thailand. yet I very rarely witness sit myself. So I am just a bit curious if you are located in a tourist area and this may explain the situation you describe.

And if I might add, if you speak any Thai (even a smidgen) why would you sit by yourself and not participate. The women and even the men will offer conversation on the most basic level if you try. My family and surrounding neighbors would consider it very rude to not include you in even the simplest conversation. It is how people learn. So they are either treating you such on purpose (which again would be considered very rude by Thai standards) or you do not want to participate which is a shame. I fully understand your wishing to not be included in their banter, but are you sure you understood correctly. Thai "jealousy" is a sort of game for them, it can be easily misunderstood by people who do not fully grasp the intent. Even though I understand a lot of what is said, my wife sometimes has to explain the hidden meaning behind a certain saying. It gets complicated.

Just curious.....Chiang Mai, Phuket?

[LarryBird]

Oh boy!! Thai jealousy is all just a facade, his wife said so!!!

[TomTao]

Some Thai wives don't want their western husbands learning Thai -- they want their husbands to be isolated and dependent upon them for even the simple transactions involving money, visas, property titles, etc. One of my pet peeves is watching the older western guys with their Thai wives conducting business at the bank, immigration, utility offices, etc, in Chiang Mai. These places have customer service reps who speak acceptable English, yet when a guy has a Thai wife, they will revert to talking to the wife in Thai. Often the customer service reps are speaking entire paragraphs about complex transactions, which the wife then conducts, often with minimal input from the western guy who is supplying the money. Certainly the poor guy is not getting a word-for-word translation of what he is signing or OKing.

My husband and I have been invited to a few social functions where we are the only western/western couple. All the other guys have the "good fortune" to be married to young, beautiful Thai wives while poor Hubby is stuck with his original western wife. Anyway, I'm in "no woman's land" at these functions -- I have little in common with the Thai wives and the guys don't want to talk with an old, pudgy white woman who reminds them of their first wife. So, I drink beer and hover. I understand the Thai language much better than I speak (and can read and write, too) All the wives talk about are the latest things their husband bought for them for them or their family -- how much money their husbands are spending on them. They try to out-do each other and you can see the jealousy building among them.

Once I shared with some of the guys what their wives were saying and they were shocked at their topics of conversation. I said, "what did you expect them to be saying -- how good you are in bed?"

Most wife tells me what other people say about me (mostly), she was discusted at what a fruit seller said to her once on a visit to Bangkok, this woman looked at me then said to my wife "don't teach him Thai, don't tell him anything, if you do he will know everything." My wife's hackles went up and I had to tell her to calm down.

[billd766]

Oddly enough I had a short conversation with a couple from the village this morning.

They cam to speak to my MIL and I explained in my bestest Thai that MIL, wife and the people next door had all gone to a small town about 75 km away and would be back perhaps around 4 this afternoon. They speak no English but must have understood my Thai as they said thank you in Thai, smiled and went on their way.

[rct99q]

Never said it was a "facade", in fact my point was it is very prevalent in Thai society and very complicated if not a native speaker. Similar to the sitting structure during meal time there is a spot for everyone but if you are not Thai or live with them it is hard to understand.

And I believe everything my wife tells me, so there!

[thaibeachlovers]

< Anyone else in the same boat as me? >

Absolutely. I gave up trying to learn it, and get by on what I picked up 20 years ago.

BTW, even though my BIL KNOWS I don't understand regular Thai, he insists on speaking Thai to me whenever he visits.

[NanLaew]

Oddly enough I had a short conversation with a couple from the village this morning.

They cam to speak to my MIL and I explained in my bestest Thai that MIL, wife and the people next door had all gone to a small town about 75 km away and would be back perhaps around 4 this afternoon. They speak no English but must have understood my Thai as they said thank you in Thai, smiled and went on their way.

...and they walked away, one asking the other, "Did you understand a word of that?" and the other responding, 'No. He lost me at the see mong bit and Buddha alone knows what the price of fish sauce in Nong Wua So has to do with anything. Nice chap though!" Edited January 21, 2013 by NanLaew

[thaibeachlovers]

Hi NancyL. I am just a bit curious as to where you live. I live in the Northeast Thailand near Nong Khai and have done so for the past three years. I taught myself to Laos first and then moved on to Isan and finally Thai. I am nowhere near fluent but can get by.

I have seen the scenario you related to on occasion (ie the bank etc) but in my travels have never heard or over heard the conversation you talk about. The wives all talking about the latest things their husbands have bought for them etc. I admit my get togethers do not include a lot of western men / thai wives but a few..

It seems to be one of these stereo types you hear about Thailand. yet I very rarely witness sit myself. So I am just a bit curious if you are located in a tourist area and this may explain the situation you describe.

And if I might add, if you speak any Thai (even a smidgen) why would you sit by yourself and not participate. The women and even the men will offer conversation on the most basic level if you try. My family and surrounding neighbors would consider it very rude to not include you in even the simplest conversation. It is how people learn. So they are either treating you such on purpose (which again would be considered very rude by Thai standards) or you do not want to participate which is a shame. I fully understand your wishing to not be included in their banter, but are you sure you understood correctly. Thai "jealousy" is a sort of game for them, it can be easily misunderstood by people who do not fully grasp the intent. Even though I understand a lot of what is said, my wife sometimes has to explain the hidden meaning behind a certain saying. It gets complicated.

Just curious.....Chiang Mai, Phuket?

Not everyone is interested in sitting around gossiping. I wasn't when I was back home where I could understand everything, so I don't see why anyone would be expected to do so just because they are in LOS.

[Scully]

Hi NancyL. I am just a bit curious as to where you live. I live in the Northeast Thailand near Nong Khai and have done so for the past three years. I taught myself to Laos first and then moved on to Isan and finally Thai. I am nowhere near fluent but can get by.

You taught yourself Laos and then moved on to Issan?.

[joorakee]

If I were the OP, I'd try learning the language with a book and CDs aimed at self-study. "Thai for Beginners" by Benjawan Poomsan Becker might be a good choice, as it was in my case. If doing one lesson (unit) a week turns out to be too hard, you can do one per month.

Learning with a textbook combined with having conversations with your wife based on what you have just learnt can bring great effects. Good luck!

[maturebrit]

learn what you can but dont let on to them how much you really do understand..Its amazing how much you will find out that way. ... I learned Tagalog in OMAN from Filipinos there and never let on when I got to Manila...it paid dividends

Sent from my GT-N7000 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[rct99q]

Yep, learned Laos first, Isan was a little more difficult. In the village I live in the background is Thai/Laos so most speak Isan (laos style). Then picked up Thai which was not as difficult with the two backgrounds.

Not fluent by any stretch of the imagination but I get by with day to day conversations. I always suggest to people try learning Thai through music (ie Karaoke) as it helps with pitch (which is just another type of tone). Helps. Writing also helps. The word "mai" sounds very similar except "pitch" when you see it spelt though it looks as different as "yes" and "wood" in English. Helps as well.

[MrWorldwide]

My Mandarin teacher claimed she taught herself English from cartoons, children's programs and the nightly news when she arrived in Australia. Not sure exactly how much help Foghorn Leghorn would have been (!), but I could definitely see her point with kid's programs - the presenters speak slowly and repeat the name of the object of their game or whatever several times in each segment.

[rct99q]

I realize not everybody wants to sit around gossiping but for me, and this is just for me, I would find it very boring to just be siting around with a scowl or a grin on my face hoping for the night to end. I would rather be a part of the conversation than none at all. And while on that then why in the world would you ever go to these parties if that is all you do. Stay at home. If the old man wants to go let him go (maybe he can "chat" up a nice young thing when your not around).

Just a joke....just a joke.

[Scully]

Yep, learned Laos first, Isan was a little more difficult. In the village I live in the background is Thai/Laos so most speak Isan (laos style). Then picked up Thai which was not as difficult with the two backgrounds.

Not fluent by any stretch of the imagination but I get by with day to day conversations. I always suggest to people try learning Thai through music (ie Karaoke) as it helps with pitch (which is just another type of tone). Helps. Writing also helps. The word "mai" sounds very similar except "pitch" when you see it spelt though it looks as different as "yes" and "wood" in English. Helps as well.

You do realise Laos and Issan are pretty much the same language.