Who Wai's Who?

[TommoPhysicist]

Are you really as rude and arrogant in person as your postings would imply?

Far, far worse.

[loong]

If you understand the Thai words, Pee and Nong (Thai script removed)

Pee is related to older brothers/sisters/friends whereas nong is the younger. Nong always wai Pee.

Thai for "Brother-in- law" can be Pee Kuhyee or Nong Kuhyee. (Thai script removed)

In this case though, the Pee or Nong refers to the age of the sister and not the actual brother-in-law.

So as you are married to this woman's younger sister, no matter how old you are, to her you are Nong Kuhyee

As Nong wais Pee, then you are expected to wai her, even though she is younger than you.

Hope that makes sense.

Mind you, as soon as you lend her money, everything shifts as your status has moved higher. Then she should be grateful to you and out of respect initiate the wai.

This whole wai-ing thing is difficult to understand totally.

I give my Father-in-law a small amount of money each month since he retired. When I gave him the money, he would wai me, this is because my status had changed as a provider. I had to tell him that it was not necessary and a simple thankyou was enough. Note that if his daughter gives him money, he would never wai her, because this is considered her duty.

Aren't you forgetting social status. Educated person trumps farm girl.

Anyway, I don't care, I'm not a serf, I bow to no man.

I'm happy to not visit their hovels ......... and they are welcome not to visit mine.

No I haven't forgotten social status, I was addressing the Op's post.

I've yet to meet anyone who will whip out his/her degree certificate or whatever to prove how educated they are, so I don't see your point.

Anyway, you have been here a long time and you should know that social status has nothing to do with education, just the amount of money that you have. Sharing that money reduces your status and treating underlings with contempt increases your status.

Your status must be sky high by now

[h90]

I've said it before, but I doubt that one in a thousand of us farangs will ever really master the idiosyncracies of the Thai wai. So, as Tommo says, don't wai at all. A polite smile and a gentle nod of the head in greeting is all that is required of us.

If someone is the benchmark than him: Once on Hat Yai airport, Mr. Prem Tinsulanoda (the man who work close with HM the King), all Thais disappeared (my wife explained because they don't know the right custom to greet him correctly). So I was the only one there....

Mr. Prem came, passed me, waved me and said hello with a big smile, first (I didn't think of greeting someone I don't know). I waved back with a big smile and said hello.

And that says it all about...Wai is a form of greeting. You greet because you want to be friendly. Everything else, how to wai, who to shake the hand first is just silly games around.

And friendly people who meet quickly Wai each other, so basically at the same time, instead of playing the "who first game".

[wooloomooloo]

So, loong, you're saying that the OP's in-laws thinks he's skint.

Edited February 26, 2013 by wooloomooloo

[Semper]

I don't kneel in the gutter with my shoes off in front of monks ....... it's not my custom.

Neither do I. I don't get out that early.

[rgs2001uk]

If you understand the Thai words, Pee and Nong (Thai script removed)

Pee is related to older brothers/sisters/friends whereas nong is the younger. Nong always wai Pee.

Thai for "Brother-in- law" can be Pee Kuhyee or Nong Kuhyee. (Thai script removed)

In this case though, the Pee or Nong refers to the age of the sister and not the actual brother-in-law.

So as you are married to this woman's younger sister, no matter how old you are, to her you are Nong Kuhyee

As Nong wais Pee, then you are expected to wai her, even though she is younger than you.

Hope that makes sense.

Mind you, as soon as you lend her money, everything shifts as your status has moved higher. Then she should be grateful to you and out of respect initiate the wai.

This whole wai-ing thing is difficult to understand totally.

I give my Father-in-law a small amount of money each month since he retired. When I gave him the money, he would wai me, this is because my status had changed as a provider. I had to tell him that it was not necessary and a simple thankyou was enough. Note that if his daughter gives him money, he would never wai her, because this is considered her duty.

Aren't you forgetting social status. Educated person trumps farm girl.

Anyway, I don't care, I'm not a serf, I bow to no man.

I'm happy to not visit their hovels ......... and they are welcome not to visit mine.

No I haven't forgotten social status, I was addressing the Op's post.

I've yet to meet anyone who will whip out his/her degree certificate or whatever to prove how educated they are, so I don't see your point.

Anyway, you have been here a long time and you should know that social status has nothing to do with education, just the amount of money that you have. Sharing that money reduces your status and treating underlings with contempt increases your status.

Your status must be sky high by now

They might not whip out a certificate, but its quite amusing to listen to and observe two Thais who dont know each other go through the usual 10 questions until they establish where they stand on the totem pole in relation to each other.

Listen to the change of personal pronouns etc, finally watch how they wai each other on departure, once status has been established.

[rene123]

I say wai not.

[kevvy]

when in Rome do what the Romans do... the wai is the same as out handshake , then why not do it .. it is not big deal , it shows the people of this country respect just as we would like them to do in our countries.

[GarryP]

Good explanation Loong. I, however, do not wai my wife's two elder sisters or their husbands as I can't stand them and they know it.

[TommoPhysicist]

when in Rome do what the Romans do... the wai is the same as out handshake

You are mistaken ....... it's more like forelock tugging.

Edited February 26, 2013 by TommoPhysicist

[harrry]

It is worth remebering too that even if waing is practiced (It is a dying art) it is usual in a closed situation such as a workplace or family to only wai the\ first time in the day you meet. A bit like the rules for saluting officers in a building.

[wooloomooloo]

when in Rome do what the Romans do... the wai is the same as out handshake , then why not do it .. it is not big deal , it shows the people of this country respect just as we would like them to do in our countries.

I've no problem with that. But a Thai expecting a falang to understand the hierarchy and getting upset does themselves no favours.

[Mosha]

The OP needs promoting to Leung, everyone Wais Leung Ven

[mixolydian]

i think her sister is jealous or just looking to find fault in you. I wouldnt worry bout her.

I agree with a lot of people here, I don't wai too much. the only time I do is when I'm sucking up to my boss

[utalkin2me]

When people act unreasonably I respond by very unreasonably ignoring them as much as humanly possible. Usually that means I can ignore and almost completely get them out of my program.

[astral]

Simple you Wai someone older, or more important

In my family just about everyone Wai's me,

even the wife.

PS the Wai should always be acknowledged,

even if it is just a nod of approval for a child.

[cooked]

I waied and sawasdie crapped my (ex-)doctor on first meeting him and was totally ignored.

C**t.

I often just sort of put my hands together and nod just to show that I am making an effort but am a stupid Farang. I see the SIL every day and he successfully ignores me unless I want something, I do the same (he shy. I don't care). He is one of the few people in the village that actually says thank you.

I have educated his kids that no SWDC, no biscuits, works wonders. They still walk in at 6am without knocking though...

As one of the major participants at a wedding recently, I was very careful to get it right. I have been through many a social minefield in Switzerland and I do know that people appreciate it if you at least try to make an effort.

I have seen English people look at my hand like it was a piece of shit when I offered them my hand. Some of these social formalities help you get through situations where nobody feels particularly comfortable, you don't have to go over the top about it, I saw a guy come into a bar and Wai the universe, what a jerk.

[sms747]

If you understand the Thai words, Pee and Nong (Thai script removed)

Pee is related to older brothers/sisters/friends whereas nong is the younger. Nong always wai Pee.

Thai for "Brother-in- law" can be Pee Kuhyee or Nong Kuhyee. (Thai script removed)

In this case though, the Pee or Nong refers to the age of the sister and not the actual brother-in-law.

So as you are married to this woman's younger sister, no matter how old you are, to her you are Nong Kuhyee

As Nong wais Pee, then you are expected to wai her, even though she is younger than you.

Hope that makes sense.

Mind you, as soon as you lend her money, everything shifts as your status has moved higher. Then she should be grateful to you and out of respect initiate the wai.

This whole wai-ing thing is difficult to understand totally.

I give my Father-in-law a small amount of money each month since he retired. When I gave him the money, he would wai me, this is because my status had changed as a provider. I had to tell him that it was not necessary and a simple thankyou was enough. Note that if his daughter gives him money, he would never wai her, because this is considered her duty.

Thanks for that. I assume then that if we got divorced her younger sister would have to wai me first? baffling but TIT

[transam]

Don't wai anyone, it's not your custom.

PS

I don't kneel in the gutter with my shoes off in front of monks ....... it's not my custom.

Soooooooooooo if you were introduced to a Thai in farangland and YOU offered your hand as a sign of friendship, via our custom, and it was ignored, what would YOUR thoughts be ?

Come on, someone answer my question, honestly.

[Songhua]

I do sometimes wai my wife's older brother (although he is slightly younger than I am) when we first meet up annually because he more or less became the family head after their parents died and is very well respected. He then shakes my hand.

The other siblings don't wai me at all - the brother shakes my hand and the sisters do the western hug and kiss thing.

I have been friends with a Thai Muslim for over twenty years and still meet with him for a night out during my visit to LoS each year He's twelve years my senior and never fails to wai me first. No idea why because I'm certain I have more respect for him than he has for me.

I don't object to the wai at all (it does have its place) but I still cringe when I see farang wai waiters & clerks or as a means of saying thankyou.

[loong]

So, loong, you're saying that the OP's in-laws thinks he's skint.

I like that - short post and straight to the point

If she thinks that he is skint, then for sure, she will expect the wai from him because he is married to her younger sister.

If she sees that he is not skint and throws his money around with no thought, she will consider him stupid, no advancement on the status scale. She will expect him to wai her.

Expanding it a bit now...

If he lends her money, she is indebted to him. If he wais her when she is indebted to him, he will be seen as a really stupid person. He should insist that she wai him and he will respond with a nod.

[wildorchid]

Must admit I am no wiser but thanks for the replies. Not wai-ing anyone is a good start but would upset even more if I started to do that after 8 years. It's nice when somebody does offer their hand, usually a person with a bit of education, or a muslim, none of them in the family though.

Not sure I want to shake hands with someone who just wiped their arse with said hand, and probably didn't wash the hand after.

the wai is a greeting and a sign of respect to an older person, not unlike a handshake or in japan a bow

Un fortunatly TommoPhysicist has a problem with being polite,,, or just likes to be rude.

your last comment is disgusting, and my husband tells me that it's mostly falang men who don't wash hands after going bathroom, a western handshake is done with the RIGHT hand, Thai people wash with the left hand, so maybe it's some people who may not wish to shake YOUR hand!!!

no ones saying you have to change to thai culture, but to show a little respect it wont hurt you will it?

[transam]

Must admit I am no wiser but thanks for the replies. Not wai-ing anyone is a good start but would upset even more if I started to do that after 8 years. It's nice when somebody does offer their hand, usually a person with a bit of education, or a muslim, none of them in the family though.

Not sure I want to shake hands with someone who just wiped their arse with said hand, and probably didn't wash the hand after.

the wai is a greeting and a sign of respect to an older person, not unlike a handshake or in japan a bow

Un fortunatly TommoPhysicist has a problem with being polite,,, or just likes to be rude.

your last comment is disgusting, and my husband tells me that it's mostly falang men who don't wash hands after going bathroom, a western handshake is done with the RIGHT hand, Thai people wash with the left hand, so maybe it's some people who may not wish to shake YOUR hand!!!

no ones saying you have to change to thai culture, but to show a little respect it wont hurt you will it?

Dee ma, very good.

[transam]

If they wai me, I wai them. If I wai them, they wai me.. This ia always followed by a handshake as that is my custom and I made an effort to try and understand theirs.

It's called mutual respect. Those of you that don't give a shit are just morons that are acting just the same as the Thais you despise, it's all about face for you.

If you don't wai then you just have no self respect and the Thais know it. I

In a nut shell.

[TommoPhysicist]

If they wai me, I wai them. If I wai them, they wai me.. This ia always followed by a handshake as that is my custom and I made an effort to try and understand theirs.

If you wait for them to wai you every time, you are just as rude as someone who doesn't wai at all.

Do you wait for monks to wai you, before you return the wai?

If so, better to not wai at all, than to be so rude as to wai second.

The Wai is nothing to do with respect, it's to aknowledge a master and servant status in a feudal society.

Edited February 26, 2013 by TommoPhysicist

[FDog]

If they wai me, I wai them. If I wai them, they wai me.. This ia always followed by a handshake as that is my custom and I made an effort to try and understand theirs.

If you wait for them to wai you every time, you are just as rude as someone who doesn't wai at all.

Do you wait for monks to wai you, before you return the wai?

If so, better to not wai at all, than to be so rude as to wai second.

If your superiority complex makes you happy then that is a matter for you. Edited February 26, 2013 by FDog

[transam]

If they wai me, I wai them. If I wai them, they wai me.. This ia always followed by a handshake as that is my custom and I made an effort to try and understand theirs.

If you wait for them to wai you every time, you are just as rude as someone who doesn't wai at all.

Do you wait for monks to wai you, before you return the wai?

If so, better to not wai at all, than to be so rude as to wai second.

Monks DO NOT Wai.

AND, perhaps folk wonder how old a farang is to work out who goes first, me, old but hansum ''young','' causes confusion at times.

[transam]

If they wai me, I wai them. If I wai them, they wai me.. This ia always followed by a handshake as that is my custom and I made an effort to try and understand theirs.

If you wait for them to wai you every time, you are just as rude as someone who doesn't wai at all.

Do you wait for monks to wai you, before you return the wai?

If so, better to not wai at all, than to be so rude as to wai second.

If your superiority complex makes you happy then that is a matter for you.

Bingo, l hate that word Bingo, BUT, you have nailed it, well done.

[TommoPhysicist]

If they wai me, I wai them. If I wai them, they wai me.. This ia always followed by a handshake as that is my custom and I made an effort to try and understand theirs.

If you wait for them to wai you every time, you are just as rude as someone who doesn't wai at all.

Do you wait for monks to wai you, before you return the wai?

If so, better to not wai at all, than to be so rude as to wai second.

If your superiority complex makes you happy then that is a matter for you.

What if I really am superior? Someone has to be top dog, Fdog.

Anyway, whole thing is silly.

You want to wai, doff your cap, tug your forelock, kneel, bow or scrape to anyone else, go ahead, ain't nobody looking stupid but you.

Edited February 26, 2013 by TommoPhysicist

[arthurwait]

I'm like Tommo (ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH did I really say that ?) I simply don't bother unless ordered to by the wife.

The facts are people wai to kiss bottom in the main and to teach kids. People do it as its part of their job or to someone richer or an old friend of their parents, thats really it in my experience.

Anyone who gets upset about it is a bit chicken oriental.