Aggh, Ughh, Ok I'll Do It.

[cooked]

I casually mentioned to my wife one time that I had once killed and helped butcher a pig. This is true and it happened in Portugal many years ago as part of some kind of male bonding brotherhood ritual.( I am one sixteenth Portuguese, another story, circus ship wrecked off the Portuguese coast...).

This time I said, as you do, ok, we buy a 100Kg porker and we butcher it the day before my village wedding..on Thursday.. so can I get a quick course here on this forum on killing a pig? Last time I stabbed the poor beast in the heart, not a pleasant affair, turned out I missed and got the aorta. I tend towards getting it into a sack and slitting it's throat. Maybe an axe blow or two to the head? Come on guys, give me some serious advice, quick.

The neighbours have boxed me into a corner (meaning they don't want to do it) with this and I can't back down from the evil deed now.

Actually I prefer to do it myself after seeing many examples of inhumane treatment of animals here.

I will be watching this forum, my wife wants to take a video, fame at last...

[IsaanAussie]

Lucky you. I cannot do it full stop.

In your position I would not give up on someone else actually doing the deed. They will not expect you to do it alone and a quiet 200 baht will draw out who in the village has the "knack". I'd also check that you aren't being given a "special honour" because everyone thinks you want to do it. I'd spin a line to the wife to be about weddings and blood on yours hands, not lucky. You love her that much that you think it is better if someone does it. There will be 3 or 4 guys who do it all the time in any village just for funerals, your job to find them. Then as long as you attend that is enough.

If you cannot find someone that fits that bill then leave the pig in the transport box to do the job. This cuts out the need to restrain the whole pig while it is bled out. For those who have never seen this unsavoury but necessary act done, regardless of where there are two steps in the killing process. First is to immobilise the pig so that the main arteries in the neck can be severed. Normally done by some form of stunning. You are not trying to kill the pig just render it unconscience while it is cut.

If the pig is outside the box, you need to have attached ankle ropes to it before you let it out. The idea being the pig can stand but is controlled so the rope guys should find a spot where those ropes can be run around a tree or post so they have control if the pig bolts. They will not hold a running pig just holding the rope. Now the implement you are looking for is an overdimensional baseball bat. You stand to your favoured side and strike the pig horizontally across the forehead just above the centreline of the eyes just like the target was a pitched ball coming through that spot. Take your time when the pig is calm and stationary and hit hard. Do not try to use a hammer to try to hit a moving pig.

Inside the box you have to restrain the head. Place a rope under the neck just behind the cheek bones very loosely. Get a solid piece of timber to use to form a winch and get the two ends on the rope twisted then knot the two ends around the timber lever. The idea being to get the twists outside the box so you dont run out of rope and the timber is jammed on the box. Pull the last slack upwards when the pig realises what happening and then tighten the choke as much as you can so the head is trapped against the top of the box. Remember pigs are not easy to strangle AND you Are trying to do it some serious damage as quickly as possible.

Now you have the pig immobilised cut both jugular veins. Get a picture or diagram off the net to show you where to stick it. Check just like you would taking its pulse to find the spot and stab as far as you can, better safe than sorry and you aint giving it a shave. To make sure you get it done well, pivot the knive from the point of entry up and down, as if you were trying to cut its head partly off. Cut both sides and then wait until the pig is unconscious from lack of blood. Many pigs wake up after the bleeding starts but if they are not being subjected to pain will basically just lie there and bleed to death. Do not relax the grip you have until you are sure.

If all of that sounds messy, then get the local cops to shoot it. A shot one inch above centre between the eyes and square on to the entry point. There no much difference, but most people say you do not get a shot pig bled out properly. If you shoot it or the cops, get everyone else out of the way, pigs have thick skulls and bullets bounce. There needs to be a gap between pig and muzzle.

Once your pig is dead and the blood flow has stopped, time to dehair the carass then gut and butcher it. If you haven't done that before forget it.

Try pleading avoiding blood on the wedding dress to get out of it completely first....then try handing the knive and 200 baht around when the time comes, someone will pick it up, and you just stand close to the action helping out.

[cooked]

I'll be there and at a minimum give it the golden whack with an axe then. I will certainly give feedback as to how things go. I don't mind blood, am trying to be humane. Much whisky will be consumed at the end
of a long day tomorrow , I imagine. I just went to say hello to the beast up the road and told the owner not to feed it any more. We will walk it down to our place I suppose, not far. Thanks...

[Canada]

Every village has the "killer". Get an experienced guy to do it. Save yourself a lot of problems and embarrassment. Good luck however you do it.

BTW, in our village, FIL is the "go to guy". Yikes!!

He killed 3 cows and a pig for our wedding. He then sat out back and boiled and ate the heads of the cows all day and night. mmmhmmm

Edited March 19, 2013 by Canada

[Dancealot]

Offer to do the skinning and chopping yourself. That's hard and dirty work anyway so the villagers will be glad to hand over the knife to you. You have said that you have done it before so now i think you need to proof yourself to safe your own 'face'.

Happy skinning!

[RedBullHorn]

"Face" ... very important... to Thais...and Chinese too

[shaggy1969]

So how did it go,did you manage to give it the 'golden whack'?

btw....congratulations and I hope you and your wife have a great day tomorrow.

[cooked]

Everything went ok. We sharpened a piece of rebar. I banged it twice on the head as described above and another guy put the skewer into its heart. Not painless but pretty quick.

I was surprised that the big tough Thais that had been joking and drinking my whisky all afternoon disappeared at this point. Two came back afterwards to help butcher but I was the one doing most of the work and rescuing the good bits (they actually chopped up the lovely fillet that we got and threw it into a pot with the fat and stuff. At least I got the liver into the fridge.

It must be doing it for the first time that is difficult, I had no problems this time.

I finished off the day by cracking my eyebrow on a pillar, lovely black eye for the wedding, nothing to do with alcohol of course.

[Dancealot]

Funny detail about the big Thai guys there, cooked. They lost- but you saved your 'face'.

Good work!

[JDGRUEN]

It is probably not be Thai custom but if some one has a 22 pistol - one shot up between the eyes will do it quickly. That's the way we used to do it way back when I was a kid. Not messy and then you proceed with hanging it upside down for bleeding out and butchering. Find the local guy with the gun - get the pig away from the people - mark the spot with a marking pen or charcoal and have the fellow shoot it. Put the pig on a cart and bring it back to where you will hang it up for butchering...

[cooked]

We laid it out on the table, surprisingly easy to do the job like that. I am ashamed of this, but I put this on you tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jybhkbnZm0w

The actual death was disagreeable and I prefer not to put it here. Next time I will see about shooting it or even slitting its throat, has to be better than sticking it.

Any way, we ate all of it, 106 Kg, ฿6360.- good meat. I plan on sobering up tomorrow..

Edited March 22, 2013 by cooked