Not Allowed To Have Fun In Thailand.

[theblether]

I wasn't talking about having the basic human courtesy to let your wife know where you are, or to make sure she is okay with you staying out longer.

Yoou would expect any decent man to do that and not subject his wife to thre mental torture of worry.

[SeaVisionBurma]

Expat Banter. Moving to Pub.

[pmarlin]

Lived six years in Germany.

Never new any closet policeman.

12, and I agree.

[krisb]

You're bored today, I can tell!

To be fair it's pouring with rain outside. Plus I had to think of a serious subject cos I keep getting in trouble for banter.

That's me in trouble again :-(

It's pouring outside. Aka she won't let me go to the pub.

[asdecas]

This one has a special place on my lavatory wall, next to the old one about the Italian who married a Thai, they went to live in Italy and it was two years before Signor Vermicelli discovered she was a he and wanted a divorce.

Some things you just can't credit, that's why the Darwin Awards were invented.

[super22k]

More people should have "hidden policemen"inside of them. Then their country might become the successful country Germany is. I am English but I admire the way Deutchland is propping up the "lame ducks" of Europe like Portugal,Greece and Ireland.

[Evolare]

Now as I have read most comments I just have to ask as I have never experienced that my thai gf is any different than earlier gfs from other countries. More that she is closer with her family and like to go shopping just as much. Well she seems more eager to satisfy me than some earlier gfs and she is more feminine than the thick skinned women in Europe. I wonder is this an education level behaviour or is it that a streak of bad luck? My friends faranga like me dont seem to have the problem most of you describe either...except for one but his wife is a country girl with only a highschool diploma hence my comment and he drinks alot. But the rest of my friends wifes all have bachelor, master or doctor degrees.

[NanLaew]

You're bored today, I can tell!

To be fair it's pouring with rain outside. Plus I had to think of a serious subject cos I keep getting in trouble for banter.

That's me in trouble again :-(

You dont know what trouble is my friend.

Ive used an avatar of a real person. Bragged about my wealth and generally pished off the entire membership of TVF.

I'm laying low for a while. Might try reading and not posting for a bit.

Bragging about £13.5 million,if you do that everywhere you go,you got off lightly,whether it's true or not.

Not wishing to disagree but maybe it's the method of becoming rich that upsets some people here.

Unless I missed something, someone mentioning selling their business in the UK for a few million pounds didn't strike me as bragging. I place it in the "Retired At 30, Where Should I Live?" league of anonymous self-abusepromotion. On the other hand, a couple of Chelsea supporters who were 'wrongfully' banged up by the cops got a tidy wedge in compensation on their release. Then they opened a bar in Pattaya. Maybe that method of wealth acquisition appeals more to the forum membership?

[bluemoon58]

Also I noticed, the worst culprits are ex- military/armed forces.

Something to do with them been told what to do while in service and so it continues in civilian life.

Absolute balderdash. You obviously don't know ex servicemen very well. Just saying...

[MILT]

What a kooky post! Now I can know why there are so many bitter Thai bashers on this forum.

Handed over their ball sack?

Insecurity?

Likes being told what to do, how to dress, and how much money to spend?

Little to no self esteem?

Give me a break folks.

I have been married for 18 years to a wonderful Chiangmai girl. We have never had these scenarios. Ever!

We just have to much respect for one another, and we don't confuse love with (control issues) or self insecurities.

We are not each others MOM or DAD, Being good friends, maybe even best friends is the key to avoid all these domestic dramas.

Life is to short! We have built a great life together, we are beyond wealthy, have a insane house, I could go on but I think I listed enough to

get the other members going. Bring it on!

Maybe some of the guys on this forum sought a fresher green pasture at one time (or visa versa) and are slowing and surely paying the price.

It's a hot one today

Cheers

[wprime]

The title is a bit misleading, instead of 'not allowed to have fun', it should read, 'allowed to have fun with the permission of my missus'!

I don't think this is unique to Thai women, but rather women with less financial security. Farangs (I apologise for the broad generalisation) typically end up with Thai women of lower economic status and so are on the receiving end of a disproportionally high proportion of such controlling treatment.

[NoshowJones]

You're bored today, I can tell!

To be fair it's pouring with rain outside. Plus I had to think of a serious subject cos I keep getting in trouble for banter.

That's me in trouble again :-(

Blether, you would be well suited to someone with the temperament of my wife, I am going to Bangkok and Pattaya tonight for about six days and meeting up with Farangs who live near me, the last time I went my wife came with me, but this time she is working, and she does not mind me going without her. I have the freedom to come and go as I please as has she.. We trust each other 100%. We won't be visiting go go bars, but will go where there is live music, as an ex professional musician, I can go up and sing and play with the band.

[NanLaew]

Back on topic; I was mulling this question while guzzling my weekly pint of Guinness out the front of the Irish Clock in Udon Thani last night. It was a quiet start to Friday night and I was bored with the conversation with a hard-of-hearing Aussie similarly inhaling Guinness... but I digress.

I think that for certain farangs in LOS, this control is an offshoot of their total dependency on their chosen Thai partners for just about everything. I come from a generation that used Thailand for R&R from the oil patch, learning the language and observing the culture and customs over many years. However, there's a significant sector of the late baby-boomer generation (and older) who have acquired their Thai partners via the internet. Most have a hard time learning the language (if they even bother to try) and rely on their spouses for the simplest of things. They are the ones pushing the shopping cart around and in the case of Udon town, the smartly dressed old guys that can be seen sitting beside their wives on the rural songtaews coming in for a Friday night beer, or a Saturday afternoon mall visit or the Sunday roast. Then off they go, back to Nakhon Nowhere, rheumy eyes gazing into the middle distance, slightly puggled and bloated but happy for their weekly dip in the farang pool.

[itchybum]

Now as I have read most comments I just have to ask as I have never experienced that my thai gf is any different than earlier gfs from other countries. More that she is closer with her family and like to go shopping just as much. Well she seems more eager to satisfy me than some earlier gfs and she is more feminine than the thick skinned women in Europe. I wonder is this an education level behaviour or is it that a streak of bad luck? My friends faranga like me dont seem to have the problem most of you describe either...except for one but his wife is a country girl with only a highschool diploma hence my comment and he drinks alot. But the rest of my friends wifes all have bachelor, master or doctor degrees.

You obviously need to lower the class of your friends a little then.

[NoshowJones]

I would rather upset a Thai lassie.

Than a Scottish one.

Why do you want to upset anyone? What's bad about Scottish girls? I have had plenty of relationships with Scottish girls, and with the odd exception, I could not complain.

[ivan96822]

If you're not the boss, then you've got issues.

ESPECIALLY IN LOS, do what you want, when you want to, how you want to. No matter what her reaction is, you could still get another one in less than a week.

Again, if you're asking her for permission, then you might as well come over to my house and clean the place up. Thanks! Wimp.

[NoshowJones]

You're bored today, I can tell!

To be fair it's pouring with rain outside. Plus I had to think of a serious subject cos I keep getting in trouble for banter.

That's me in trouble again :-(

Ask the missus if you can go out

He wears the skirt in his house.

A skirt or a kilt? Actually they are both the same, except one is tartan.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Maybe that's an exaggeration but I see too many examples of guys playing second fiddle. surely you've sussed by now that you are the prize, and you call the tune?

Well that's just the point, isn't it? So many Western men here with women possessed of aesthetics way over their paygrade are most certainly not the prize.

The fact they know that their women know it and could trade them in for a richer/younger/more interesting man without too much trouble could have something to do with their excessive deference.

Oh and let's not forget; some guys actually like being bossed around by their women.

I always viewed being 'traded in' as an opportunity to find a prettier and younger woman.

(Back in the good old days when I actually had an interest in sex)

[NoshowJones]

Farangs hand over their balls to their Thai wife at precisely the same moment her name is stamped on the title to the house.

One aspect of this i have never undersood here, so you make the decision to build your own home, why in gods name would you build it in your girlfriends village or put it in her name?

Build the house in a village away from the family and put it in your own name. If you think you are in a relationship for the long half until death do you part she'll get the house in the end when you die as odds are she is probably 20yrs your junior.

If it all goes wrong you still have a house that you can live in without the judgement of her family and friends every time you step foot outside.

I thought Farangs were not allowed to own a house, does it not have to be in a Thais name?

[robertson468]

I believe life is lived by consensus in many households, but in any relationship one partner will try and dominate one way or another. When letting one of our houses, I always ask the Guy if he has a partner and if he has suggests he ask her to come along and have a look at the house too. The principal being, if she is happy, he will be happy (at least with the house anyway). When we are out with friends and I see my Thai Wife getting a bit tired I will say to her, would you like one for the road, or would you like to go home - the answer nearly always is, up to you! The only time I have seen a Farang being dragged home from a bar was by his Farang Wife - he was visibly NOT amused. Each to their own at the end of the day me thinks.

[Chicken George]

Its a case of starting out as you mean to go on.

[JRinPDX]

-snip-

You are the prize, never ever lose the control battle. Ever.

.

In a happy relationship, I'd venture that each thinks *the other* is the prize. If either one thinks *themselves* to be the prize, that right there is the seed of a failed relationship.

I read somewhere that "to be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved." If there is mistrust in a relationship, then the more urgent matter to attend to is to stay home and build that trust before worrying about the third beer. Why does a marriage have to be a constant battle of who's on top?

T

Thakkar, I think I always agree with your posts and this one makes good sense, but MY experience with Thai people, is that (I have decided ...but I may be wrong) that Thais don't deal well with equality. It may be totally an unknown experience for them, and we Western people, just assume they will enjoy it, live it, and deal with it well ...I think many Thai people cannot deal with it at all! They seem to always be measuring who has the power, and when they feel they have it, they don't usually treat others "equally".

I THINK they thrive on being unequal, and when they have the power, or THINK they have the power, they usually don't treat the inferior person well or equally, or how that person treated them before (if that was well when they had the upper hand.) That is maybe why some people see this power shift, which seems like a joke (if you bought her a house in her name already) but really isn't a joke in many cases. Once they get the house, the car, the visa, the whatever, and they don't see the future "stuff" coming as still valuable, there is often a power shift in relationships here. This works this way, not only for love relationships, but all relationships, employees, too ...according to me, but that is just my experience. But looking at life this way, here in Thailand, has helped me in so many ways, to deal with life here, in a better way for me! I'm sure everyone isn't this way, but I think mostly, this is true.

Agree. It is a very hierarchical society. I recall reading that long ago, the king determined a numerical ranking system based upon land ownership, wealth, etc. It is even reflected in the language.. different nuances when talking to someone up the ladder vs. down. Inequality is baked in.

[NoshowJones]

Thailand is a Matriarchal society like China,the woman runs the household,keeps the money and gives the layabout drunken husband pocket money,surely most people have realised that by now?

Not in my case.

[nahkit]

Farangs hand over their balls to their Thai wife at precisely the same moment her name is stamped on the title to the house.

My wife has three houses in her name, all paid for by me.

I guess I just have more balls than you.

[Dancealot]

Farangs hand over their balls to their Thai wife at precisely the same moment her name is stamped on the title to the house.

My wife has three houses in her name, all paid for by me.

I guess I just have more balls than you.

Depends on which game you are playing.

Edited April 27, 2013 by Dancealot

[Just1Voice]

Also I noticed, the worst culprits are ex- military/armed forces.

Something to do with them been told what to do while in service and so it continues in civilian life.

I have a bit of an issue with this one. 20 years USMC, with 18 of that being Recon/Force Recon. I'm a retired Gunny.

I've been riding bikes since I was 10, and even some racing for a couple of years later on. Being on a bike is, and always has been, a form of "stress release" for me, and gives me pleasure in ways that only a biker can understand.

My first wife, who died of cancer in 1999, understood this, as well as understanding my "way of life" in the Marines. Yes, she was an exception.

My Thai wife of 5 years, who is 10 yrs younger than I am (64/54), had a problem at first because I would hop on my "big bike" and take off. I would tell her where I was going, and approximately when I would be back. At first she thought I was going to see other women, but then talked to the Thai wives of some other expats who also did the same thing, and it was explained to her that riding just for the sheer joy of riding was a "farang thing". After that, anytime I feel like going, I throw some things into a backpack, strap it on the bike, tell here where I'm going, and that I'lll be back "when I get here". She smiles, gives me a kiss and warns me to be careful and watch out for stupid, crazy Thai drivers.

I know other ex-military, expats, and I hate to break this to you, but we/they, don't fit into your little mold.

[ccarbaugh]

Thailand is a Matriarchal society like China,the woman runs the household,keeps the money and gives the layabout drunken husband pocket money,surely most people have realised that by now?

Seems to be more so in

Muslim marriages - that I've observed.

(and of course without the drunkeness-

just going to the mosque to "pray"

5 times a day.)

[Keith67]

But you seem to be unwise to the ways here grasshopper.

Not really i built my house in my wifes village but the only reason was it was never built for me it was built for the kids, as the kids are too young to have their sole names on the book it is in my name until they are old enough and then it will be changed and i will build the house i want and where i want it.

If me and my wife did have problems and split up i would leave the village with no problems maybe a sigh of relief, but the house would still go to the kids when they were old enough.

Just wondering why you couldn't build the "house you want, where you want" to start with? And that would be for the kids too eventually. I'm guessing the house "in the village" is a rural area, or not a big city, and maybe your kids will NOT want to live there ...for school, for jobs, maybe not until they are retired...if ever? If they are half-farang,, speak English fluently, have a better education, can live in your Western country some day, chances are the best place for them later, won't be in some Thai village?? Even just for investment, as a rental or something, a main city would be better right?

I'm also confused why so many men here claim they are buying houses for their kids, when the lifetime of a home here, isn't very long, generally, the houses are going to be in pretty bad shape, 30-50 years from now, but Thai ladies ...even the ones living in the West, seem to using some excuse, some manipulation to convince men to buy/build a house in their village "for the kids", later, "for retirement later", in 30 years, and lots of guys seem to go for it. Guys who have been in relationships for a total of a year, are building/buying homes, for "whatever reason" to be used in 30 years!!

I'm not trying to attack you, just asking the question.

I could have built the house i wanted and where i wanted from the start, the reason i didn't was due to the fact that family is a large side of Thai culture and i respect that, the youngest daughter will never move far away from my wife’s family in my opinion but i may be wrong, the eldest daughter will definitely not stay in the village, when they both reach the age where the house can be put into their name then yes it is then their choice to sell the house and fund their own projects or keep the house, if this was to cause problems 1 wants to sell the other doesn't then we will have to look at that situation as and when

it arises The eldest speaks excellent English but the youngest virtually none i have helped both to learn English but the youngest just doesn't want to learn

and i will not force the issue.

The house i will build for myself will be away from the family and nearer the city, i am currently and for the next few years living in the village location which does sometimes get very difficult, daily interaction with Thai society is fine, but as an expat interaction with an expat community is just as important, i leave the village regularly and visit expat areas and not for sex as i have never been unfaithful just for the conversational value.

.

[Keith67]

-snip-

You are the prize, never ever lose the control battle. Ever.

.

In a happy relationship, I'd venture that each thinks *the other* is the prize. If either one thinks *themselves* to be the prize, that right there is the seed of a failed relationship.

I read somewhere that "to be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved." If there is mistrust in a relationship, then the more urgent matter to attend to is to stay home and build that trust before worrying about the third beer. Why does a marriage have to be a constant battle of who's on top?

T

Thakkar, I think I always agree with your posts and this one makes good sense, but MY experience with Thai people, is that (I have decided ...but I may be wrong) that Thais don't deal well with equality. It may be totally an unknown experience for them, and we Western people, just assume they will enjoy it, live it, and deal with it well ...I think many Thai people cannot deal with it at all! They seem to always be measuring who has the power, and when they feel they have it, they don't usually treat others "equally".

I THINK they thrive on being unequal, and when they have the power, or THINK they have the power, they usually don't treat the inferior person well or equally, or how that person treated them before (if that was well when they had the upper hand.) That is maybe why some people see this power shift, which seems like a joke (if you bought her a house in her name already) but really isn't a joke in many cases. Once they get the house, the car, the visa, the whatever, and they don't see the future "stuff" coming as still valuable, there is often a power shift in relationships here. This works this way, not only for love relationships, but all relationships, employees, too ...according to me, but that is just my experience. But looking at life this way, here in Thailand, has helped me in so many ways, to deal with life here, in a better way for me! I'm sure everyone isn't this way, but I think mostly, this is true.

i agree with you 100%, my wife worked in a restaurant beforewe met and said that Thais were particularly impolite and treated the waitresses with little or no respect, now when we go to a restaurant i sometimes have to remind her of this point when she orders her food as the way she speaks is in my opinion quite rude.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

But you seem to be unwise to the ways here grasshopper.

Not really i built my house in my wifes village but the only reason was it was never built for me it was built for the kids, as the kids are too young to have their sole names on the book it is in my name until they are old enough and then it will be changed and i will build the house i want and where i want it.

If me and my wife did have problems and split up i would leave the village with no problems maybe a sigh of relief, but the house would still go to the kids when they were old enough.

Just wondering why you couldn't build the "house you want, where you want" to start with? And that would be for the kids too eventually. I'm guessing the house "in the village" is a rural area, or not a big city, and maybe your kids will NOT want to live there ...for school, for jobs, maybe not until they are retired...if ever? If they are half-farang,, speak English fluently, have a better education, can live in your Western country some day, chances are the best place for them later, won't be in some Thai village?? Even just for investment, as a rental or something, a main city would be better right?

I'm also confused why so many men here claim they are buying houses for their kids, when the lifetime of a home here, isn't very long, generally, the houses are going to be in pretty bad shape, 30-50 years from now, but Thai ladies ...even the ones living in the West, seem to using some excuse, some manipulation to convince men to buy/build a house in their village "for the kids", later, "for retirement later", in 30 years, and lots of guys seem to go for it. Guys who have been in relationships for a total of a year, are building/buying homes, for "whatever reason" to be used in 30 years!!

I'm not trying to attack you, just asking the question.

I could have built the house i wanted and where i wanted from the start, the reason i didn't was due to the fact that family is a large side of Thai culture and i respect that, the youngest daughter will never move far away from my wife’s family in my opinion but i may be wrong, the eldest daughter will definitely not stay in the village, when they both reach the age where the house can be put into their name then yes it is then their choice to sell the house and fund their own projects or keep the house, if this was to cause problems 1 wants to sell the other doesn't then we will have to look at that situation as and when

it arises The eldest speaks excellent English but the youngest virtually none i have helped both to learn English but the youngest just doesn't want to learn

and i will not force the issue.

The house i will build for myself will be away from the family and nearer the city, i am currently and for the next few years living in the village location which does sometimes get very difficult, daily interaction with Thai society is fine, but as an expat interaction with an expat community is just as important, i leave the village regularly and visit expat areas and not for sex as i have never been unfaithful just for the conversational value.

@Keith

The children have no future in a rural village, apart from being subsistence farmers.

Best to build a house where you want to live and the children have the chance of an education and a modern future.

Don't ask children what they want, they don't know because they are children and naturally fear the unknown.

@Amykat

The value is in the land, it doesn't matter what the condition of the existing house will be in 30 years.

Somewhere for the children to live without overheads is a big advantage in a country without property tax.

Earning enough to feed yourself is never a problem for Thai nationals.

Edited April 27, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican