Thai Weddings

[khall64au]

For research purposes only.... (I AM a writer remember?!)

I need the following info from my TV married friends:

1. What's the marriage culture like in Thailand? Are locals expected to get married and at what age? (ie is it considered not a good thing to NOT be married or is it not a big deal?)

2. What is the culture - how do people propose, how long do people date before they are expected to get married?

3. What's the traditional ceremony like? ( is it a 3-day ceremony, with blessings at the bride's house then at the matrimonial home etc)

4. Name some of the most bizarre customs that are practised (like in Singapore they have kids roll all over the bed of the newlywed so that they'll have babies quickly)

5. Who pays for the wedding (bride's family or groom's)?

6. What are some "must-have" items for the bride (eg mirror, handkerchief)

7. What is the traditional gown like and is there a historical/cultural significance.

Thanks again y'all!

[BKK90210]

For research purposes only.... (I AM a writer remember?!)

I need the following info from my TV married friends:

1. What's the marriage culture like in Thailand? Are locals expected to get married and at what age? (ie is it considered not a good thing to NOT be married or is it not a big deal?)

Girls hope (either by themselves or parents) to be married by the time they graduated from Uni. years or trade school, but not just right after high school! Most girls in BKK will pursue education first before settling down. Most girls will want to have a first child before 25....but now before 30 is the norm.

2. What is the culture - how do people propose, how long do people date before they are expected to get married?

The relationtionship will go through a few years (not months) of courtship acknowledged and accepted by the parents and many family members of both sides. Then gradually the conversations ....between them both and both sides parents....will turn to the future and married planning. .......I think .....Most guys never directly proposed.

3. What's the traditional ceremony like? ( is it a 3-day ceremony, with blessings at the bride's house then at the matrimonial home etc)

All my 3 friends - uni. graduate....their husband didn't have to pay "Sin Sod"....Both sides agreed it was out dated custom. But you must have the engagement ceremony first....this will be a few months or even a few yrs before the actual married ceremony itself. Usually the future husband with his family will come to the girl's house and presents the engagement ring, put on her finger, plus whatever he may have bought with him for her such as gold/dia necklace or braclet. His family will bring a small gift for her parents also. Then follows by the reception....foods and drinks either at the house or some posh places. I very don't know who's paying on this later part.

4. Name some of the most bizarre customs that are practised (like in Singapore they have kids roll all over the bed of the newlywed so that they'll have babies quickly)

?????

5. Who pays for the wedding (bride's family or groom's)?

As tradition - The brides family expect to pay for the wedding ceremony, the dress, the foods, reception, the band, and token gifts for the guests. This usually will be at the bride's house or some nice place, and follows by the reception at the house or some posh hotel.

Remember the groom has to pay only for the engagement ring, wedding ring, the house they will be living in or the car and whatever they will be using after the married.

6. What are some "must-have" items for the bride (eg mirror, handkerchief)

Rice cooker, kitchen gagets, bed linens, general house cleaning equipments, photo albums, and oh those "naughty teddy" - absolutely decent thai girl will not buy this for herself!

7. What is the traditional gown like and is there a historical/cultural significance.Most girls like to have pink or white traditional gown...some will go for full "Chakri" long sleeves, some will go for just traditional one bare shoulder, depending on preference...but she will have lots of jewelries on her....both fake and real. During the reception most girls would like to wear the western white cinderella gown for the reception.

The day is very special for the brides....It's all about her!.......and usually no one bothers with what the grooms will be wearing.

Thanks again y'all!

For being half thai and grew up in BKK and had many married thai friends.....I only answered base on my own observation among all my thai friends. I can't speak for girls who are from very poor family or living in diff region. All their husbands are educated thai guys.

Edited March 21, 2006 by BKK90210

[khall64au]

Thanks so much BKK 90210 (hope I got that right?) Can anyone else add some wisdom here?

[sriracha john]

dunno... how much are you paying?

[khall64au]

dunno... how much are you paying?

And you pay how much for your TV comments and answers? Thanks buddy!

[Jim 50]

What is the culture - Mostly short time

how do people propose - I go with you... You want BOOM BOOM

how long do people date before they are expected to get married - 1 - 30 minutes

Thai style thai culture

[khall64au]

What is the culture - Mostly short time

how do people propose - I go with you... You want BOOM BOOM

how long do people date before they are expected to get married - 1 - 30 minutes

Thai style thai culture

Do us all a favour and go back to your cave JIm50.

[Soju]

For research purposes only.... (I AM a writer remember?!)

I need the following info from my TV married friends:

1. What's the marriage culture like in Thailand? Are locals expected to get married and at what age? (ie is it considered not a good thing to NOT be married or is it not a big deal?)

Girls hope (either by themselves or parents) to be married by the time they graduated from Uni. years or trade school, but not just right after high school! Most girls in BKK will pursue education first before settling down. Most girls will want to have a first child before 25....but now before 30 is the norm.

If a Thai university student were to marry while still studying, how would she typically treat the situation with her college classmates? Would she keep her marriage a secret or would she tell all her friends? What if she got pregnant while in college - would she drop out, or would she continue to attend classes while her stomach got bigger and bigger?

[BKK90210]

For research purposes only.... (I AM a writer remember?!)

I need the following info from my TV married friends:

1. What's the marriage culture like in Thailand? Are locals expected to get married and at what age? (ie is it considered not a good thing to NOT be married or is it not a big deal?)

Girls hope (either by themselves or parents) to be married by the time they graduated from Uni. years or trade school, but not just right after high school! Most girls in BKK will pursue education first before settling down. Most girls will want to have a first child before 25....but now before 30 is the norm.

If a Thai university student were to marry while still studying, how would she typically treat the situation with her college classmates? Would she keep her marriage a secret or would she tell all her friends? What if she got pregnant while in college - would she drop out, or would she continue to attend classes while her stomach got bigger and bigger?

If a Thai university student were to marry while still studying, how would she typically treat the situation with her college classmates?

Depending on what college – most top colleges expect you to be unmarried during your bachelor degree yrs. Pursuing master or PHD is ok to be married or even having children.

But nowadays there’re so many small one out there having some bendable rules and regulations.

Usually college classmates are ok with this, and wanting to know all about your romantic married life and all those bedroom secrets. They will think it’s so romantic that you have found your prince-charming so early.

What if she got pregnant while in college Would she keep her marriage a secret or would she tell all her friends?

In thai society, being pregnant while in school, especially in undergrad yrs is a no no. It’s a face thing….not only hers but her parents also. People will assume the worse of her. I would imagine it will be a big secret.

Would she drop out, or would she continue to attend classes while her stomach got bigger and bigger?

Can’t answer that….depends on each family.

But most will drop out…..there is no way she will be in class with the big bump in front when 99% of classmates are unmarried. Remember most of these students are under 21. The schools, parents and the thai society expect these kids to uphold the tradition of high moral standard during growing up years, …..and Gossips in Thailand spreads faster than the internet!

[khall64au]

Human Biology 101: Babies do NOT grow in the STOMACH. Babies grow in the WOMB!!!!!!!!!!

[Mighty Mouse]

Human Biology 101: Babies do NOT grow in the STOMACH. Babies grow in the WOMB!!!!!!!!!!

You are correct. That's because there is no womb in the stomach for the baby.

[Sing_Sling]

Human Biology 101: Babies do NOT grow in the STOMACH. Babies grow in the WOMB!!!!!!!!!!

You don't make friends easily, do you?

As for having kids roll around on the matrimonial bed . . . never heard of it happening here, perhaps it's a very old and not practised anymore tradition.

[h90]

just want to share a strange experience.

BKK90210: once I was on a ferrie with my wife and spoke with a german guy and his thai wife.

his wife came from the area of NakhonSiThammarat, but not from the city, from somewhere very outside.

When they married the cut off one chickens head and drank the fresh blood (that was before bird flu). My wife who comes from Nakhon direct, called a couple of people (same area) arround and asked if they ever heared about drinking fresh chicken blood, but noone ever heared about it.

Than it would explained to me with "people very outside, noone really know what they do, who know if they are "really" Thai"

For research purposes only.... (I AM a writer remember?!)

I need the following info from my TV married friends:

1. What's the marriage culture like in Thailand? Are locals expected to get married and at what age? (ie is it considered not a good thing to NOT be married or is it not a big deal?)

Girls hope (either by themselves or parents) to be married by the time they graduated from Uni. years or trade school, but not just right after high school! Most girls in BKK will pursue education first before settling down. Most girls will want to have a first child before 25....but now before 30 is the norm.

2. What is the culture - how do people propose, how long do people date before they are expected to get married?

The relationtionship will go through a few years (not months) of courtship acknowledged and accepted by the parents and many family members of both sides. Then gradually the conversations ....between them both and both sides parents....will turn to the future and married planning. .......I think .....Most guys never directly proposed.

3. What's the traditional ceremony like? ( is it a 3-day ceremony, with blessings at the bride's house then at the matrimonial home etc)

All my 3 friends - uni. graduate....their husband didn't have to pay "Sin Sod"....Both sides agreed it was out dated custom. But you must have the engagement ceremony first....this will be a few months or even a few yrs before the actual married ceremony itself. Usually the future husband with his family will come to the girl's house and presents the engagement ring, put on her finger, plus whatever he may have bought with him for her such as gold/dia necklace or braclet. His family will bring a small gift for her parents also. Then follows by the reception....foods and drinks either at the house or some posh places. I very don't know who's paying on this later part.

4. Name some of the most bizarre customs that are practised (like in Singapore they have kids roll all over the bed of the newlywed so that they'll have babies quickly)

?????

5. Who pays for the wedding (bride's family or groom's)?

As tradition - The brides family expect to pay for the wedding ceremony, the dress, the foods, reception, the band, and token gifts for the guests. This usually will be at the bride's house or some nice place, and follows by the reception at the house or some posh hotel.

Remember the groom has to pay only for the engagement ring, wedding ring, the house they will be living in or the car and whatever they will be using after the married.

6. What are some "must-have" items for the bride (eg mirror, handkerchief)

Rice cooker, kitchen gagets, bed linens, general house cleaning equipments, photo albums, and oh those "naughty teddy" - absolutely decent thai girl will not buy this for herself!

7. What is the traditional gown like and is there a historical/cultural significance.Most girls like to have pink or white traditional gown...some will go for full "Chakri" long sleeves, some will go for just traditional one bare shoulder, depending on preference...but she will have lots of jewelries on her....both fake and real. During the reception most girls would like to wear the western white cinderella gown for the reception.

The day is very special for the brides....It's all about her!.......and usually no one bothers with what the grooms will be wearing.

Thanks again y'all!

For being half thai and grew up in BKK and had many married thai friends.....I only answered base on my own observation among all my thai friends. I can't speak for girls who are from very poor family or living in diff region. All their husbands are educated thai guys.

[leisurely]

What is a naughty teddy?

[Soju]

Depending on what college – most top colleges expect you to be unmarried during your bachelor degree yrs. Pursuing master or PHD is ok to be married or even having children.

But nowadays there’re so many small one out there having some bendable rules and regulations.

Thanks for your reply. By your statement, it sounds like the top universities have a rule against their undergraduates getting married. Is this correct? Does this mean if a student was married that they would reject their application and that if they married while attending that they would be kicked out? Does this rule apply equally to both male and female students?

I'm asking these questions because my wife is attending university but she told me she wants to wait until after she graduates before registering our marriage / changing her name because it's not acceptable for an undergraduate to be married. I didn't question her any more about it but your comments validated what she's told me. She also doesn't tell her classmates that she's married and says if she did the gossip would spread quickly. If I happen to meet one of her classmates, I'm just her boyfriend, not her husband.

[creation2474]

Human Biology 101: Babies do NOT grow in the STOMACH. Babies grow in the WOMB!!!!!!!!!!

So?

[BKK90210]

Depending on what college – most top colleges expect you to be unmarried during your bachelor degree yrs. Pursuing master or PHD is ok to be married or even having children.

But nowadays there’re so many small one out there having some bendable rules and regulations.

Thanks for your reply. By your statement, it sounds like the top universities have a rule against their undergraduates getting married. Is this correct? Yes.....also they will work with you on case per case basis

Does this mean if a student was married that they would reject their application and that if they married while attending that they would be kicked out? Most likely.....again they will work with you on case per case basis

Does this rule apply equally to both male and female students?

Yes

But for male student is a bit different if he married...no one will know because his ID-card will still be "Mr."

But for famale students her ID-card will have to changed to "Mrs." if registered the married. Then she will have some complication during registering classes for her next term.

I'm asking these questions because my wife is attending university but she told me she wants to wait until after she graduates before registering our marriage / changing her name because it's not acceptable for an undergraduate to be married. I didn't question her any more about it but your comments validated what she's told me. She also doesn't tell her classmates that she's married and says if she did the gossip would spread quickly. If I happen to meet one of her classmates, I'm just her boyfriend, not her husband.

Edited March 22, 2006 by BKK90210

[BKK90210]

What is a naughty teddy?

I'm not sure....if you're 5 yrs old boy or too dense ....or I didn't spell it right

To a normal good thai girl....this is quite naughty and wicked!

Just imagine something along this line

[sriracha john]

What is a naughty teddy?

here's an example of one:

edit:

drat... a minute and 17 seconds too late....

Edited March 22, 2006 by sriracha john

[Soju]

What is a naughty teddy?

I'm not sure....if you're 5 yrs old boy or too dense ....or I didn't spell it right

To a normal good thai girl....this is quite naughty and wicked!

Just imagine something along this line

Ok, getting off-topic here, but where in Thailand is a good place to buy naughty teddies?

[BKK90210]

Soju

I think you better stop your train of thought now. We wouldn't want your wife to be pregnant now by accident before she's due to graduate, wouldn't we?

I wouldn't want to advice you again of how the raise a baby or how best to hide the baby from her parents and school!

[RamdomChances]

I'll try and answer some of the bits I know something about (These are "up country" weddings with a pretty wide scope of ages, financial/educational backroung)

3. What's the traditional ceremony like? ( is it a 3-day ceremony, with blessings at the bride's house then at the matrimonial home etc)

Early morning around 6 o'clock the religious ceremany at the house after this food and some drink for everyone, while thay wait for the night bit. Evening big party, more akin to a western reception, usually at the house or some nearby open land, usualy big, average here around 60-70 tables so 500 plus people, 7 course meal, Thai "whiskey" and soft drinks included alond with live singing and danceing, usually starts around 6 until 12.

Name some of the most bizarre customs that are practised (like in Singapore they have kids roll all over the bed of the newlywed so that they'll have babies quickly)

There's loads of these and they do variy over the country. The groom will usually have a procesion to the brides house in the morning along with a band and his friends/family.

They will have with them "offerings" of "kanom" (sweets, cakes ect) food ect someone somewhere will have a bannana tree and a piece of sugar caine, these should be planted after and if they grow it a good sign of fertility, also someone will have a big wooden Cock, not really sure about this probably a fertility thing again.

When they reach the house they will have to get passed the brides relitives, usually involving the issuing of envolopes with cash in, eventually after much haggling and banter (all just joking) and waving around of the big wooden cock the bride will come out to recive the groom and invite him into the house. When he takes his shoes off to enter one of her family will steal them. If you have a best man part of his job is making sure no one steals your shoe's Otherwise its back to haggling and the envolopes with money (about 100 bhat) to get them back.

The Sin Sot ( paid or just for show) is counted publicly and placed on a dish with some seed's and stuff (more fertility stuff I think) Some times seeds are placed over the couples bed and they get an old couple to roll around on it a bit. ( I've forgoten what this is for ).

Who pays for the wedding (bride's family or groom's)?

It should be the brides, but a lot will depend on wether "SinSot" is given and who will get the money recived as gifts at the wedding as well as the relitive incomes ect

What is the traditional gown like and is there a historical/cultural significance.

Usually traditional Thai in the day and "falang" style in the night.

Oh I pretty much go along with all that BK90210 has said about UNi's some accept married women some not.

RC

RC

[phibunmike]

For being half thai and grew up in BKK and had many married thai friends.....I only answered base on my own observation among all my thai friends. I can't speak for girls who are from very poor family or living in diff region. All their husbands are educated thai guys.

Ok Kall, I will add a little from Isaan culture, which is a bit diferent from BKK90210's experience...

1. What's the marriage culture like in Thailand? Are locals expected to get married and at what age? (ie is it considered not a good thing to NOT be married or is it not a big deal?)

Girls should get married, and not too late - I think 30 is getting a bit late, and girls start to worry a little. It is better if older sisters are married before younger ones.

2. What is the culture - how do people propose, how long do people date before they are expected to get married?

Once the family know their daughter has slept with her boyfriend they will insist on a wedding. In other cases, the length of courtship varies. Engagement ceremony often takes place on the day before or even the same day as the wedding - this is to save money, as the monks and everybody only have to be fed once. The sin sod is negotiated before the engagement, as the amount is announced at the engagement ceremony. The amount of gold given is also announced.

3. What's the traditional ceremony like? ( is it a 3-day ceremony, with blessings at the bride's house then at the matrimonial home etc)

Dinner and party for family and friends the evening before the wedding. The morning of the wedding starts early with feasting the monks. Then the groom walks to the brides home with his "helpers". When he arrives, he is grabbed by older women and led inside the house - his feet are washed by family members before going inside. He also has to pass symbolic barriers (golden gate and silver gate) which are strings held across his path by children - he has to pay them to get past. Once inside, the wedding ceremony proper takes place. At the end, the couple "go to bed" - the bed has red sheets, and has been decorated with flowers and coins.

4. Name some of the most bizarre customs that are practised (like in Singapore they have kids roll all over the bed of the newlywed so that they'll have babies quickly)

?????

(Haven't heard of that in Singapore) See 3 above.

5. Who pays for the wedding (bride's family or groom's)?

The bride's family pay. All guests, when they arrive at the dinner, deposit their invitation in a box - inside the envelope they have included some money. Hopefully, the total colelcted will come close to paying for the dinner. The Isaan people see this almost as a "loan" to help with the dinner - later, when you go to a wedding in their family, you give a similar amount to that which they gave you.

6. What are some "must-have" items for the bride (eg mirror, handkerchief)

The bedroom must look nice and have red bedding.

7. What is the traditional gown like and is there a historical/cultural significance.

Very pleated, off the shoulder or not, with a sash - lots of costume jewellry, including head-dress, fancy belt, perhaps an amulet on the upper arm.

Khall, if you are really interested I can send you photos and/or DVD - if you are in Singapore, that would be really easy, as I am in Singapore most of the time....

[Soju]

Soju

I think you better stop your train of thought now. We wouldn't want your wife to be pregnant now by accident before she's due to graduate, wouldn't we?

I wouldn't want to advice you again of how the raise a baby or how best to hide the baby from her parents and school!

Hahaha! Good reply, BKK90210! We use protection, but I do worry about what would happen should she accidentally become pregnant. Maybe it's time to use double protection just to be sure, then I can go ahead and get the naughty teddy for her.

[leisurely]

Sorry, it was a genuine question. I am a long time married 40 something farang

[sbk]

Khall, our weddings are very similar to the ones random and phibunmike outlined except haven't ever seen the big wooden cock (do you mean rooster?) or the red bed. but the procession and gifts are practiced here. Also, after the early morning ceremony there is an afternoon one where the older relatives (aunts uncles etc) wash the hands and sprinkle water on the hands of the young couple.

Major difference here is the evening party is a minimum of 500 people (thats a small one!) --usually 850-1500 people. (hey, its a small island and everyone is related to everyone else). My nephew just got married, his father is from here, his mother from Samui and both of his wife's parents are local so it was quite a big shindig--about 1500.

As for the age of marriage, well it does vary but most of the local girls get married around 20-21.

Is it odd to not get married? Well, yes, but most people take it in their stride. Altho my husband has a 35 year old unmarried cousin and when one of her nosy cousins asked her why she wasn't married yet she replied, "Oh, didn't you know? I got married already. How come you didn't come to the wedding?" Shut the nosy bugger right up

Gown during the day is the one shouldered Thai style gown and at night a white western wedding gown.

No must have gifts are given by regular guests; just money. The more closely related you are to the couple the more you give.

Why? You thinking of getting married? Found some great guy we don't know about?

[Jim 50]

What is the culture - Mostly short time

how do people propose - I go with you... You want BOOM BOOM

how long do people date before they are expected to get married - 1 - 30 minutes

Thai style thai culture

Do us all a favour and go back to your cave JIm50.

From my cave, I have provided you with the basis for the MAJORITY of Thai Farang marriages.

[Donz]

Im getting married at the end of the year.

Your all invited (as long as you all bring a good present)

[Pink Mist]

they do vary in style, I also wonder if a second marriage is a different ceremony

[phibunmike]

Im getting married at the end of the year.

Your all invited (as long as you all bring a good present)

Thanks Donz, we'll be there (200 baht is considered a good present here... )