Do's and Dont's when meeting a thai girls family for the first time?

[PeVee1st]

Don't go, it is a trap leading to marriage. Also, you will be dealing with totally immoral people who are looking at you as a big ATM?

[ppmacready]

If she is ''special''.

You have nothing to worry about.

[dao16]

There's no plans to marry lol it's more or less just a trip to ubon to take a look around and a stop over in her house for a night or two on the way back to Bangkok. I just don't want to insult the family and not knowing I'm doing it that's why any tips would be great. Like the poster above posted about the feet thing I wouldn't have known to do that.

Step 1----back WAY up. You need to ask the gf what this meeting the family means. Usually it does mean serious, like marriage-level serious. Otherwise, no visiting the village (spend some time there and you will figure out how people chat and gossip). That is the first thing.

Also, like others have said, don't splurge too much (but definitely come prepared to buy some stuff). No head touching. No altar touching. Don't point your feet (especially soles) at people. Don't walk over any part of a person's body, even your gfs. Be very careful about walking past people who are sitting on the floor so you don't hover over them or touch them with your feet (or anything, really). Wai relatives...not kids (besides, people love it when you wave and say hello in English to little kids). And, as somebody else said, don't make financial commitments, even if the abstract (ie., "yeah, that would be a good place for a house--you would be surprised how a hypothetical like that becomes "he said he is going to build a house there").

Really, though, it shouldn't be that bad. My biggest concern about your post, though, is underestimating the importance of the trip to the village. Good luck and have fun.

Edited September 14, 2013 by dao16

[richardjm65]

Do not repeat a friend's mistake. Ask your lady about the ablutions facilities. The big jar outside is not a bath - it's their drinking water.

[cup-O-coffee]

Be respectful, but be yourself.

My thoughts exactly. I am glad to see this was the first response. Be respectful but be yourself.

A bit more on "being yourself". Know who you are. Know your likes and dislikes. Know what you want out of life, and don't take any crap from others; and when the crap comes, be civil and decent enough to ask them to clarify it. If you don't like it, smile and move on.

You are not in Kansas anymore. This is an oft used phrase, but it is true here. You don't need to impress anyone. You do not need anyone's approval. You do not need to grovel. You need to have the abilities to forgive yourself when you err, and to seek to make amends, but never to grovel. Be yourself.

A word about her:

If she can't stand up to her parents, then you are in for it.

If she doesn't ask you how you are doing, or how your day is going at least once a day, you are in for it.

If she never comments on how beautiful a sunset or evening sky is (or similar thoughts), you are in for it.

If she spends more than one hour daily in the bathroom making love to her face in the mirror, you are in for it.

If she often broaches the subject of your money, you are in for it.

If she comments frequently on her financial woes or those of her parents, you are in for it.

If her parents ask her, and/or she tells you they asked how much mioney you make, you are in for it.

If she does not voluntarily insist on living on the budget she had before she met you, you are in for it.

If she does not ever, even once, refuse when you offer to pay for something, you are in for it.

Any one of these violations, and you are in for it.

There are a lot more, considering the fact that we are discussing one of the most beggaring and puzzling cultures ever to exist, but at the end of the day... after you get out of it, you'll realize your naievity and ignorance at asking a question like this AFTER you have let the snake out of the cage.

Good luck!

[tezzainoz]

There's no plans to marry lol it's more or less just a trip to ubon to take a look around and a stop over in her house for a night or two on the way back to Bangkok. I just don't want to insult the family and not knowing I'm doing it that's why any tips would be great. Like the poster above posted about the feet thing I wouldn't have known to do that.

If you return to meet her parents as already said this is your promise to marry her

If you have any feeling for you thai lady do not return to her family as what you are doing will really hurt her in the future

They may be poor people but they are strong in the spirit of Traditional ThaiCulture

You are a Farlanf you make 7000 dollar a week

you are rich and you are about to bring the family wealth

You can nor marry and Issan girl

you marry her family

and it will now be expeted that you will financial support her

Mother and Father

Sister ad brothers

Aunts and Uncles

The people who live in the same village

You reason for being is to be an ATM machine

apart from this you have no value

Take my words from experience

I survived

Many do not

[ryro88]

It shall be a learning experience I'm sure of that.

[Mur]

Just for the record Iam 27 years old and have no big pension nor do I have loads of money in the bank my thai friend knows this. So the suggestion from some that she is planning on marring etc is wrong Imo.

Thais do find it hard to believe we are not all wealthy. I used to say I'm a kiwi, the poor cousins of the western world, Not a rich American/European You are just the right age for marriage with years of earning potential to come. She wouldnt take you home unless you were marriageable. Still, there is nothing to stop you walking away.

[SSSlongtime]

dont do it

[ggold]

Do's and Dont's when meeting a thai girls family for the first time?

Don't.

My question is. Does the OP realize the next step is marriage? unless you are serious about the lady do not go to visit the family.

[ggold]

Just for the record Iam 27 years old and have no big pension nor do I have loads of money in the bank my thai friend knows this. So the suggestion from some that she is planning on marring etc is wrong Imo.

Thais do find it hard to believe we are not all wealthy. I used to say I'm a kiwi, the poor cousins of the western world, Not a rich American/European You are just the right age for marriage with years of earning potential to come. She wouldnt take you home unless you were marriageable. Still, there is nothing to stop you walking away.

Run forest Run, 55555555

[thaimlord]

There's no plans to marry lol it's more or less just a trip to ubon to take a look around and a stop over in her house for a night or two on the way back to Bangkok. I just don't want to insult the family and not knowing I'm doing it that's why any tips would be great. Like the poster above posted about the feet thing I wouldn't have known to do that.

If you return to meet her parents as already said this is your promise to marry her

If you have any feeling for you thai lady do not return to her family as what you are doing will really hurt her in the future

They may be poor people but they are strong in the spirit of Traditional ThaiCulture

You are a Farlanf you make 7000 dollar a week

you are rich and you are about to bring the family wealth

You can nor marry and Issan girl

you marry her family

and it will now be expeted that you will financial support her

Mother and Father

Sister ad brothers

Aunts and Uncles

The people who live in the same village

You reason for being is to be an ATM machine

apart from this you have no value

Take my words from experience

I survived

Many do not

What a bunch of crap.

There's nothing wrong with you reciting your experiences, but to make it sound like it's "a fact" and that this is what the OP will experience is irresponsible and just downright mean-spirited of you to push your misfortunes onto other people. If that was your experience then you must have done something in order to be treated like that. Don't make it sound like everybody gets the treatment you got.

OP, you make your own mind up. Go have fun, be respectful, and genuine. If you genuinely like them and they genuinely like you, great. If not, then you don't need to return. It's all "up to you".

You DON'T have to marry the village or the relations. I didn't and don't. I almost never get asked about money by my family, and on the once or twice a year it might happen, if I don't wish to (or can't) help, I simply say I can't do so at the moment, and that is accepted and it's not spoken about again.

My family here is poor, but they get by as the Thais do. Lay the ground rules at the start as to sometimes you can help them and sometimes not. You have responsibilities to your family back home as well, etc. They will understand completely if they are the sort of family you would like to be part of further down the track.

Too many people on this forum have the mean attitudes of this poster I've quoted. With attitudes like that, it's no big surprise people do wrong by him.

TL

[super22k]

Learn how to pick your nose.

[khunpa]

Do's and Dont's when meeting a thai girls family for the first time?

Don't.

My question is. Does the OP realize the next step is marriage? unless you are serious about the lady do not go to visit the family.

I think what the OP does not realize is what is going to happen, after he comes back from his "tourist trip" to the village and continues to enjoy his Go-Go life :-)

I am guessing he has not yet seen his Thai-girl freak out :-) He should watch some more TV with her.

[socksy01]

It is ok to point your feet at things, no problems.

If you drop some money pick it up with your toes.

When you see someone asleep on the floor it is ok to just step over them.

It is traditional to pat people on the head, it is akin to western handshake.

Feet up on the coffee table is just fine.

When first meeting the parents give them a big hug.

No sniff kissing, must be lip kisses.

It is ok eat with your shirt off.

When sitting around on the floor, make sure you sit in the higher position.

Wai everyone you see, especially the kids, it teaches them good manners.

After eating take the dishes away and start cleaning them yourself.

Never, I repeat never put ice in your beer, they are trying to trick you.

Eat food with your left hand.

These are the simple things I remembered to do when I met my ex-wifes family, it wasn't my fault they were racist and didn't like me.

[socksy01]

Love it - and don't forget to go and get ATM tatooed on your forehead before you meet them.

[bkk_mike]

I'll give you a hint...

I met my wife in London. On my first trip to Thailand, with my then girlfriend, we travelled all over, Chiang Mai, Bangkok, etc., but when we got near her home town, I got left in the hotel while she went to visit her parents. This was before we were engaged or anything.

I met her parents, but not in the home village (possibly because there's an assumption made by the neighbours when farangs are brought back - even though they would have probably known she was working in London at the time).

My first stay at her parents' house happened after we were married.

If you're going to the home village with her and staying overnight in the house, she may think things have moved further than you do.

If on the other hand, it's just a daytime visit, and she can get away with introducing you as someone she works with (to the village, if not to her parents), you may be right and there's no ulterior motive.

[David48]

PS. Don't wear socks, they will get all soggy in the loo.

The best piece of advice so far is do not wear socks.......they will get soggy.

+1

The best piece of advice so far ...

... but we are practical people ...

[tezzainoz]

There's no plans to marry lol it's more or less just a trip to ubon to take a look around and a stop over in her house for a night or two on the way back to Bangkok. I just don't want to insult the family and not knowing I'm doing it that's why any tips would be great. Like the poster above posted about the feet thing I wouldn't have known to do that.

If you return to meet her parents as already said this is your promise to marry her

If you have any feeling for you thai lady do not return to her family as what you are doing will really hurt her in the future

They may be poor people but they are strong in the spirit of Traditional ThaiCulture

You are a Farlanf you make 7000 dollar a week

you are rich and you are about to bring the family wealth

You can nor marry and Issan girl

you marry her family

and it will now be expeted that you will financial support her

Mother and Father

Sister ad brothers

Aunts and Uncles

The people who live in the same village

You reason for being is to be an ATM machine

apart from this you have no value

Take my words from experience

I survived

Many do not

What a bunch of crap.

There's nothing wrong with you reciting your experiences, but to make it sound like it's "a fact" and that this is what the OP will experience is irresponsible and just downright mean-spirited of you to push your misfortunes onto other people. If that was your experience then you must have done something in order to be treated like that. Don't make it sound like everybody gets the treatment you got.

OP, you make your own mind up. Go have fun, be respectful, and genuine. If you genuinely like them and they genuinely like you, great. If not, then you don't need to return. It's all "up to you".

You DON'T have to marry the village or the relations. I didn't and don't. I almost never get asked about money by my family, and on the once or twice a year it might happen, if I don't wish to (or can't) help, I simply say I can't do so at the moment, and that is accepted and it's not spoken about again.

My family here is poor, but they get by as the Thais do. Lay the ground rules at the start as to sometimes you can help them and sometimes not. You have responsibilities to your family back home as well, etc. They will understand completely if they are the sort of family you would like to be part of further down the track.

Too many people on this forum have the mean attitudes of this poster I've quoted. With attitudes like that, it's no big surprise people do wrong by him.

TL

MY credetials

I married a Thai lady and we had a beautiful Thai daughter who now resides with me full time as she found a new man who bought them oops sorry her a new home

My job in Thailand was working for AWSEM films and in my 8 years I have made many documentaries on marrying an Issan girl

I was not misfortunate I new what was coming and bought us a Condo and not a house

I now have the daughter

I was educated as what to expect so survived

Yes do not believe me

Think for your self

Goto http://showreal.com.au/my-thai-bride/

and see what really happens

[David48]

Lol is it that bad folks?

" is it that bad folks? " ... Yes and no.

If it's just a bit of fun for you, then not a problem.

If you sort of like the Lassie ... and don't wish to create problems for her or her Family ... whole new ball game.

We are just trying to help ... many of us have walked that path before you.

[thaimlord]

There's no plans to marry lol it's more or less just a trip to ubon to take a look around and a stop over in her house for a night or two on the way back to Bangkok. I just don't want to insult the family and not knowing I'm doing it that's why any tips would be great. Like the poster above posted about the feet thing I wouldn't have known to do that.

If you return to meet her parents as already said this is your promise to marry her

If you have any feeling for you thai lady do not return to her family as what you are doing will really hurt her in the future

They may be poor people but they are strong in the spirit of Traditional ThaiCulture

You are a Farlanf you make 7000 dollar a week

you are rich and you are about to bring the family wealth

You can nor marry and Issan girl

you marry her family

and it will now be expeted that you will financial support her

Mother and Father

Sister ad brothers

Aunts and Uncles

The people who live in the same village

You reason for being is to be an ATM machine

apart from this you have no value

Take my words from experience

I survived

Many do not

What a bunch of crap.

There's nothing wrong with you reciting your experiences, but to make it sound like it's "a fact" and that this is what the OP will experience is irresponsible and just downright mean-spirited of you to push your misfortunes onto other people. If that was your experience then you must have done something in order to be treated like that. Don't make it sound like everybody gets the treatment you got.

OP, you make your own mind up. Go have fun, be respectful, and genuine. If you genuinely like them and they genuinely like you, great. If not, then you don't need to return. It's all "up to you".

You DON'T have to marry the village or the relations. I didn't and don't. I almost never get asked about money by my family, and on the once or twice a year it might happen, if I don't wish to (or can't) help, I simply say I can't do so at the moment, and that is accepted and it's not spoken about again.

My family here is poor, but they get by as the Thais do. Lay the ground rules at the start as to sometimes you can help them and sometimes not. You have responsibilities to your family back home as well, etc. They will understand completely if they are the sort of family you would like to be part of further down the track.

Too many people on this forum have the mean attitudes of this poster I've quoted. With attitudes like that, it's no big surprise people do wrong by him.

TL

MY credetials

I married a Thai lady and we had a beautiful Thai daughter who now resides with me full time as she found a new man who bought them oops sorry her a new home

My job in Thailand was working for AWSEM films and in my 8 years I have made many documentaries on marrying an Issan girl

I was not misfortunate I new what was coming and bought us a Condo and not a house

I now have the daughter

I was educated as what to expect so survived

Yes do not believe me

Think for your self

Goto http://showreal.com.au/my-thai-bride/

and see what really happens

Thanks for the clarification, but it's still just one side of the story, and obviously a story with more than one side.

That said, I respect your opinion and your right to it. I'm just saying don't fill the poor bast@$#d's head with terror, give him a break and let him experience his own situation which will undoubtedly be different to yours or mine. The Thais are not machine copies of one another. Each is an individual, just as we are.

[David48]

I won't miss 3 or 4 thousand baht it's only to say thank you. Not the end of the world.

Humm ...

.

[transam]

I won't miss 3 or 4 thousand baht it's only to say thank you. Not the end of the world.

Humm ...

.

Noooooooooooo, it's ..........................

[JSatGS]

If you are serious DO NOT do any thing Tuky told you. All no-no's and bad cultural norms.

Realize by the fact you are here...you are a rich farang. Your plane ticket probably cost 3 months salary for the parents from where you said. Deal with it, you are rich. You play, they work albeit not what many may think according to western ideal but remember...this isn't the west and you are farang. Again deal with it.

If you are meeting the parents, it is not a casual drop by. It means much more. Ask the girl and listen deeper. Gifts should be given but need not be huge things. It's respect and for face. Your westerner and its a face item. Honor it and give them their due as you are with their daughter for some reason.

The wallet/ATM issue. Just the same as in the west , if you give they will take...and want more. Understand that mom and family are first, then you. If you offer, they will be happy to take. Don't complain, you are the fool for offering cuz it makes you feel good when its on your terms to show off but it rapidly changes and then you are then bad person.

Lastly, understand what rural life is like in Asia and don't over expect, but do honor that they try to get by, live and have a happy life. Whether you sit or squat to crap doesn't make a bit of difference to be happy. It's your outlook on you state of being.

[tfbpa]

It shall be a learning experience I'm sure of that.

I understand that you don't trust anybody's advice here, for which I can't blame you, but really, ASK YOUR GIRLFRIEND what this trip is all about and what it will mean for the future.

SHE is the one who presumably understands both cultures, however little it is, as it is clear that you don't know Thai culture and it is pretty safe to say that her parents don't know falang culture.

But in general, if you don't plan on marrying her, DO NOT STAY AT HER PARENTS HOUSE.

Sorry for the shouting, but after so many good advices, you still seem to ignore every one of them and are still planning to go, which you really shouldn't do, if you don't plan on marrying her.

There are some here that say that meeting the parents and staying in their house doesn't mean anything, well they are the culturally ignorant people who are the reason that some Thais don't like any foreigner.

But again, don't take our word for it, ask your girlfriend, which should have been the first thing you did anyway.

Also, you can try to think logically. In your home country, wherever that is, what do you think your family thinks if you show up with a girl at your parents house and spend the night together in the same bed? Would they think, oh, our son had just a one-night stand and we will never see this girl again OR would they think you are serious about the relationship with the girl and we will see her again?

Multiply that outcome with a 1000 and you come somewhat close to how the Thai family will think, except that boyfriend/girlfriend is a concept that is immediately substituted by husband/wife.

[Pinot]

Go and enjoy it with an open mind. You may get bored quickly though. Life can be very simple up there. May be an idea to have a good supply of beers and a good book to read.

I'm sure you will enjoy it.

It should be a fun and interesting experience. I would arrive with groceries and beer. Smile, wai the elders and find a hammock to relax in and watch the world go by.

My in-laws are wonderful, generous and very hard working rice farmers. They treat me like a rock star and never ask for anything. I put in a western bathroom for about 8000 baht this year. Papa did all the work, now I really enjoy my visits. Squat toilet and dumping cold water over my head for a shower left a little to be desired, now it's perfect except for the roosters going off at 5AM.

[manjara]

I think the point is that whether or not your GF thinks you are going to get married, the rest of the village will think that if you stay for the night (even if you just visit for the day, there will be talk!). Therefore, if/when you break up she will lose face in the village ('Hey, where's your farang husband, did he leave you!?')

Your GF may not care, even here parents may not care, but there will definitely be an impact in the village.

That's why most (nice) thai girls would never bring any guy back to their village unless they had long term plans for him!

I went to visit my wife's parents before I had any intention of marrying her, but she later admitted to me that she told her parents we were engaged on that trip.

I would have a talk with your GF and make sure that she hasn't told everyone you are engaged. If she has, then she probably already lost face if you don't go!

Given that you have already declared that it's not that serious between you and the GF, I would not go unless you really don't care about all the gossip impact that will affect her family and her. She may have taken many guys back to the village, in which case, you will just be '<GF's> latest gig', but if she's a 'nice, traditional Thai girl' then she will not have taken many guys (if any) back to meet her parents and it will devastate her (and to a lesser extent, her family) if you break up with her.

Just sayin'

P.S. I have been fairly happily married for 12 years now

[socksy01]

Practice lying through your teeth cos you will come face to face with that from them on many occasions.

[metisdead]

Posts containing overly derogatory comments have been removed. Other posts suggesting visiting another forum have been removed as well as a post with a link that may contain malware.

[JO1973]

Just be polite and respectful just as you would meeting the parents of any girl back home. Plus make sure to eat everything her mom gives you -- but that stands true for anywhere else as well.