Do's and Dont's when meeting a thai girls family for the first time?

[theblether]

Be respectful, but be yourself.

My thoughts exactly. I am glad to see this was the first response. Be respectful but be yourself.

A bit more on "being yourself". Know who you are. Know your likes and dislikes. Know what you want out of life, and don't take any crap from others; and when the crap comes, be civil and decent enough to ask them to clarify it. If you don't like it, smile and move on.

You are not in Kansas anymore. This is an oft used phrase, but it is true here. You don't need to impress anyone. You do not need anyone's approval. You do not need to grovel. You need to have the abilities to forgive yourself when you err, and to seek to make amends, but never to grovel. Be yourself.

A word about her:

If she can't stand up to her parents, then you are in for it.

If she doesn't ask you how you are doing, or how your day is going at least once a day, you are in for it.

If she never comments on how beautiful a sunset or evening sky is (or similar thoughts), you are in for it.

If she spends more than one hour daily in the bathroom making love to her face in the mirror, you are in for it.

If she often broaches the subject of your money, you are in for it.

If she comments frequently on her financial woes or those of her parents, you are in for it.

If her parents ask her, and/or she tells you they asked how much mioney you make, you are in for it.

If she does not voluntarily insist on living on the budget she had before she met you, you are in for it.

If she does not ever, even once, refuse when you offer to pay for something, you are in for it.

Any one of these violations, and you are in for it.

There are a lot more, considering the fact that we are discussing one of the most beggaring and puzzling cultures ever to exist, but at the end of the day... after you get out of it, you'll realize your naievity and ignorance at asking a question like this AFTER you have let the snake out of the cage.

Good luck!

Post Of The Day!

C-o-C said he could add a lot more. I'll add only one.

If you are not in her mind, then you are in for it.

You are in for it big time.

[Brigante7]

Lol.

Sent from my ST25i using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Lite Beer]

A post containing non English script has been removed.

[metisdead]

A post has been removed again, according to Google Chrome, the link contains malware, therefore the post has been removed, again. Don't post it again.

[dao16]

I think the point is that whether or not your GF thinks you are going to get married, the rest of the village will think that if you stay for the night (even if you just visit for the day, there will be talk!). Therefore, if/when you break up she will lose face in the village ('Hey, where's your farang husband, did he leave you!?')

Your GF may not care, even here parents may not care, but there will definitely be an impact in the village.

That's why most (nice) thai girls would never bring any guy back to their village unless they had long term plans for him!

I went to visit my wife's parents before I had any intention of marrying her, but she later admitted to me that she told her parents we were engaged on that trip.

I would have a talk with your GF and make sure that she hasn't told everyone you are engaged. If she has, then she probably already lost face if you don't go!

Given that you have already declared that it's not that serious between you and the GF, I would not go unless you really don't care about all the gossip impact that will affect her family and her. She may have taken many guys back to the village, in which case, you will just be '<GF's> latest gig', but if she's a 'nice, traditional Thai girl' then she will not have taken many guys (if any) back to meet her parents and it will devastate her (and to a lesser extent, her family) if you break up with her.

Just sayin'

P.S. I have been fairly happily married for 12 years now

Not to pile on even more than I already have....the above post is correct. I can add to this (forgot in my first post) that my wife wouldn't even invite a male friend of hers whom she knew BEFORE me to the village without me there. He wanted to come see where she lived (not stay overnight). Denied every time until he visited when I was around and we all went together. Same thing with a few other friends who wanted to see rural Thai life. She won't go out to the village with a man if I don't go (even though I wouldn't mind). Too much talk...everyone will assume we are no longer together after about 10 years and she has a new guy. So, even after all these years, it is still a big deal.

[jimbobs1]

Just be polite and respectful just as you would meeting the parents of any girl back home. Plus make sure to eat everything her mom gives you -- but that stands true for anywhere else as well.

Ive been here 6 years and her mother always asks me to eat her food , i always say no it gives me the shits they find this response very amusing , and never get tired of this "joke"

[salapau]

Pointing your feet to them whilst sitting down !

Old fashioned myth not relevant.

[Bender]

don't hand over your wallet and credit card

[jimbobs1]

Nearly every posts about money, whats wrong with you fellas, not every penny is a prisoner

Just go there, tell your GF how you feel about the married business and have a laugh, its different and in my opinion most Isaan people are very friendly , obviously there is the odd tit , but you get that everywhere.

I liked it so much i built a house and i select the people i mix with, obviously you cant being in her mothers, but all this stuff about your feet, not shaking hands and not patting babies on the head, and saying hello when you go past is shear nonsense , i do it all the time no ones ever said a word

Go av a buzz, get drunk with the locals and if youve got half a brain you will know what to do and how to act, i personally could not give a shit what they think about me, what ever i do will not change their perception of a felang, they are simple people

[Mossfinn]

If you are serious DO NOT do any thing Tuky told you.

Just about sums up the majority of the posts on this thread, but just for the record, if anybody has still missed it, tuky was having a giggle. The thread also sadly fits where a lot of people go trawling for company, if you listen to certain commentary on here, the village is worse than "down below" on Babylon 5, if the girl is alright you'll be fine.

[kirk0233]

Behave toward them as you would a girlfriend's family in your native country. Don't read any do's and don'ts culture books about Thailand. I find most of the points in these books to be irrelevant anyway. Her family will not have read a do's and don'ts about western culture either in an attempt to impress you. If one cultural mistake on your part causes problems with the family, then it shows in my opinion a ethnocentrism that could make your life difficult in the future.

[rgs2001uk]

I think the point is that whether or not your GF thinks you are going to get married, the rest of the village will think that if you stay for the night (even if you just visit for the day, there will be talk!). Therefore, if/when you break up she will lose face in the village ('Hey, where's your farang husband, did he leave you!?')

Your GF may not care, even here parents may not care, but there will definitely be an impact in the village.

That's why most (nice) thai girls would never bring any guy back to their village unless they had long term plans for him!

I went to visit my wife's parents before I had any intention of marrying her, but she later admitted to me that she told her parents we were engaged on that trip.

I would have a talk with your GF and make sure that she hasn't told everyone you are engaged. If she has, then she probably already lost face if you don't go!

Given that you have already declared that it's not that serious between you and the GF, I would not go unless you really don't care about all the gossip impact that will affect her family and her. She may have taken many guys back to the village, in which case, you will just be '<GF's> latest gig', but if she's a 'nice, traditional Thai girl' then she will not have taken many guys (if any) back to meet her parents and it will devastate her (and to a lesser extent, her family) if you break up with her.

Just sayin'

P.S. I have been fairly happily married for 12 years now

Not to pile on even more than I already have....the above post is correct. I can add to this (forgot in my first post) that my wife wouldn't even invite a male friend of hers whom she knew BEFORE me to the village without me there. He wanted to come see where she lived (not stay overnight). Denied every time until he visited when I was around and we all went together. Same thing with a few other friends who wanted to see rural Thai life. She won't go out to the village with a man if I don't go (even though I wouldn't mind). Too much talk...everyone will assume we are no longer together after about 10 years and she has a new guy. So, even after all these years, it is still a big deal.

Not going to argue with the above posts, they are both correct.

The only thing I would point out is, the girl already knows all the above, the fact that it doesnt bother her isnt the OPs problem, he may well never see these people again or live with the fall out, not his problem.

What would concern me more is the girls attitude right now in even suggesting it, cant blame the OP for not being aware of the unwritten village rules in Nakon Nowhere.

Another red flag to me is, how is the girl managing to get time off work to join you on your travels, where she works is no concern of mine, but it may well become a concern to you.

[Postmaster]

Hi. Where do you download these funny faces from please? Yours tells he exact story for this article : perfect.

Thanks, if you'd let me know.

[Postmaster]

If the family invite you to any sort of ceremony whilst you are there............leg it quick !!! No, seriously these visits are enjoyable apart from the funny smells

in Surin. Do not wear 'Black Colour Clothing' at any such ceremonies : apparently its bad luck for whatever the occasion happens to be.

[khunPer]

ryro88, on 13 Sept 2013 - 02:05, said:

»They live in the countryside in ubon ratchatani and from what I can take from the pics I have seen they are not overly wealthy.«

I have seen they are not overly wealthy.

You should get hand on the book “Thailand Fever” by Chris Pirazzi & Vitada Vasant (Paiboon Publishing ISBN 1-887521-48-8). It can be obtained from all majot Thai bookstores selling English book. Further info at: the Internet either from Paiboon's homepage or from the books homepage.

On the way up there, you can read Chapter 4, about meeting the family.

There may be things you don't expect or do not understand when visiting family in the village, so do ask you partner instead of getting confused or irritated, as you partner may not think about telling “all the obvious” to you. (I would have loved, if the book Thailand Fever were released before my first trips up to Isaan villages )

Thailand Fever is written in both English and Thai, so you can read the book with your partner (or you partner can also read it), as it gives valuable information both about the Thai way of thinking & living and Farang way of thinking & living.

Enjoy your trip, I wish you good luck.

[dao16]

I liked it so much i built a house and i select the people i mix with, obviously you cant being in her mothers, but all this stuff about your feet, not shaking hands and not patting babies on the head, and saying hello when you go past is shear nonsense , i do it all the time no ones ever said a word

They talk about it when you are gone.

[marell]

Smile a lot, say little, be polite, don't bring alcohol (you will become the go-to guy when people want to drink), don't drink alcohol (socialize but drink soda and tell them you don't drink alcohol) as getting drunk is a bad idea in this type of setting and guys who don't drink are seen as more responsible, act as if you don't understand any uncomfortable questions and for God's sake ignore that severely misguided idea about bringing your own food....unless you want to convince people that you're too good to eat with them. When in doubt, smile. Good luck.

[jimbobs1]

I liked it so much i built a house and i select the people i mix with, obviously you cant being in her mothers, but all this stuff about your feet, not shaking hands and not patting babies on the head, and saying hello when you go past is shear nonsense , i do it all the time no ones ever said a word

They talk about it when you are gone.

up to them ha ha

[starkey_rich]

Just pay for everything(as you will be expected too anyway)and you probably will be fine.

[jimbobs1]

Smile a lot, say little, be polite, don't bring alcohol (you will become the go-to guy when people want to drink), don't drink alcohol (socialize but drink soda and tell them you don't drink alcohol) as getting drunk is a bad idea in this type of setting and guys who don't drink are seen as more responsible, act as if you don't understand any uncomfortable questions and for God's sake ignore that severely misguided idea about bringing your own food....unless you want to convince people that you're too good to eat with them. When in doubt, smile. Good luck.

What if the op likes a drink?

Most only drink Thai whiskey 100b a bottle, or beer( Leo, Chang) 50b a bottle for half a ltr.They tend to get drunk fast go asleep or go home, they certainly dont drink like me and my celtic clan.

Definitely bring your own food unless you have a good stomach. can eat spicy food, eat rice with every meal, can enjoy a plate full of bugs?

Isaan food is definitely not for westerners, the same way dairy products are bad for Thais.

The foods terrible and the beers cheep, i am afraid you may be misguided

[osiboy]

It's a goodwill gesture nothing more nothing less

If you want to sleep with a full belly , i recommend taking some food , i can't eat the crap they do, isaan ppl will eat anything that moves , buy plenty to go round so they can eat meat/fish for a few days after you leave , no need for the money gesture , take plenty of anti mosquito stuff, their homes are full of them and like they taste of sweet farang blood. first time i went to Isaan the parents lived in a tree ! , i was scared shitless i would roll over in the night and fall out , great experience though , ......don't be over generous , if you were ever to return they will be expecting the same . enjoy .

PS ask them to take you fishing , don't ask what the buckets are for , just be aware they are not to carry all fish you catch !

Edited September 14, 2013 by osiboy

[osiboy]

Just pay for everything(as you will be expected too anyway)and you probably will be fine.

bad advice , they will always expect it, and look at you like an ATM

[atyclb]

They live in the countryside in ubon ratchatani and from what I can take from the pics I have seen they are not overly wealthy.

Take toilet paper.

[ruprext]

A mom and dad that sends their daughter into prostitution - Who can't respect that? So just remember to show them great respect, because you are dealing with people of very high moral standards.

Where did he mention that she is a prostitute?

[khrab]

Go and enjoy it with an open mind. You may get bored quickly though. Life can be very simple up there. May be an idea to have a good supply of beers and a good book to read.

I'm sure you will enjoy it.

It should be a fun and interesting experience. I would arrive with groceries and beer. Smile, wai the elders and find a hammock to relax in and watch the world go by.

My in-laws are wonderful, generous and very hard working rice farmers. They treat me like a rock star and never ask for anything. I put in a western bathroom for about 8000 baht this year. Papa did all the work, now I really enjoy my visits. Squat toilet and dumping cold water over my head for a shower left a little to be desired, now it's perfect except for the roosters going off at 5AM.

Lucky you. My roosters "work" around the clock.

[ableguy]

Is there anything that I should remember not do that would be perfectly normal in the western world tho maybe disrectful to a thai?

[

/quote]

Do not show your ATM card, they will expect to see it, say you are waiting for a new one. Ask to see everyones birth certificate to ensure they really are her parents and not her husbands. Do not sleep there make sure you have checked into a hotel, if you must sleep with your pants on.

[FiftyTwo]

Is there anything that I should remember not do that would be perfectly normal in the western world tho maybe disrectful to a thai?

Do not show your ATM card, they will expect to see it, say you are waiting for a new one. Ask to see everyones birth certificate to ensure they really are her parents and not her husbands. Do not sleep there make sure you have checked into a hotel, if you must sleep with your pants on.

You only need to see her 'tabian baan' house book, her parents are listed in it. Edited September 14, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[super22k]

Dont worry about impressing them. Let them impress you. You are their guest. You are in the driving seat. You have the most important thing in the world to them.......money! You pass judgment on them.

[zyphodb]

This sums it quite nicely:

[Kenegg]

I love all these comments... I went to meet my GFs parents last October..... and when I was over this summer I asked to go and see them...lovely family from an Isaan village, they don't speak a word of English and I can only say hello, how are you and thank you in Thai...they babble on in Thai all the time I'm there to one another I just smile and ask questions through my GF....I take the little kids some sweets and a colouring book and pencils they were over the moon..instant friends...

The ringtone on my phone is the sound of an elephant charging....I set it of in the silence of the room the first time I went the whole place erupted into hysterical laughter..it broke the ice and showed I had a sense of humour..they seemed to like the fact I was normal and not from outer space so just be yourself..

Best of luck.