Moving back to the UK with a Thai wife

[NBD]

After 5 years in Thailand, meeting my wife and having our beautiful daughter, I've been giving some serious consideration to moving back to the UK, and am interested in the experiences of others who have done the same.

A bit of background :

Wife is from Isan, not a bar girl, but not the most worldly either.

Daughter is 18 months.

I work in sales so would be out all day, home most evenings.

Planning on another kid next year.

We currently live in Bangkok and her family are in Isan.

Not looking to get into a debate about the demise of the UK or the joys of Thailand. I am well aware of the pluses and minuses of both, but at this stage it simply makes sense. I can earn a better salary and have access to free schooling in the UK.

I've looked into the visa requirements and we shouldn't have any issues proving either means to live without public funds or a lasting relationship.

What I'm more unsure of is how my wife will find actually living there. Her English is at the moment pretty ordinary, but she is keen on learning. She is sociable and gets on with people well. She's visited there on holidays but never lived abroad.

The plan that is taking shape is to move to a rural area in the north of England as it's closer to my friends and family and I think she will integrate better there than if we are living in a big city where she would either make friends only with other Thais, or be stuck in some suburb where no-one talks to each other.

So far she is very keen on the idea, and hasn't expressed any reservations, but obviously ideas and reality are different. I would be very keen to hear the experiences of others who have made a similar move as to how the wife settled in, any difficulties etc, and your views on my strategy of moving to a more rural area versus a city. UK is obviously the most directly relevant but other countries welcome too.

Thanks in advance for advice/experience.

[Schmackos]

Has she ever visited your home for any length of time?

If not, she might hate it.

Meaning a turnaround and back to Thailand

A mistake many before you have made.

Don't assume that she will love or even like it.

Now, where did I put my bone?

[CharlieH]

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/680223-what-would-you-do-2/

Have a read through the above thread, some crap, but some valid points too.

Visting is not the same as living there, my main advice would be to be very very careful who she mixes with in your abscence, I am not suggesting you keep her a prisoner but be careful, many things she wont understand and may take literally.

Keep regular contact with her during you abscence and make sure she doesnt feel alone.

If there are other thai females around be even more wary, dont let her get involved in a group, one is good for friendship talk to etc, a group can be trouble with comparing and jealousy etc.

Find somewhere near or online etc you can get "her" food, she will miss it and the offerrings many uknstores and supermarkets have wont even come close, she will miss "proper" thai food if living there for any period of time.

Good luck, take it slow, take care each other.

Edited November 12, 2013 by CharlieH

[Beetlejuice]

Some questions for the OP:

You say you have lived in Thailand for 5 years and out of these 5 years, how long have you known your now Thai wife?

Are you officially married to your wife?

Do you have proof that you are the biological father of the said child?

Do you have your own property in the UK? If not, what sort of accommodation do you suppose to provide for your wife and child?

Do you have a guaranteed full time employment if you return to the UK?

Do you have any savings or other assets in the UK, meaning will you be relying on your wife’s earnings to supplement your own earnings in the UK?

These are some of the questions you maybe asked by the FCO if and when applying for your wife’s visa to enter Britain.

Here are some facts that you may or may not be aware of if living with or married to a woman in the UK:

The rules regarding the rights of wives/girlfriends in most Western countries:

The woman controls whether you have sex or not. She controls whether she gets pregnant or not. She determines whether to have an abortion or not (even if the man or husband wants the child). She has the option to divorce her husband at any point during the marriage just on the grounds that she no longer wishes to remain with her partner and if there are children involved, in 99.99% of cases, she gets the family home and the kids, even if there is a new partner on the scene, plus child support and alimony. The woman gets paid even if she is the partner that dissolved the marriage and still gets paid even if the male partner and her don't legally marry.

I know of some men that had been completely destroyed by these Draconian Laws where their spouses have literally picked their bones clean

At first when the Thai wives begin to settle in the UK, they are pretty naive, but later they will meet other Thais who will soon teach them all the cons and the tricks of the system.

So it`s not just a matter of, will the Thai wife adapt to living full time in the UK, but also, how stable is your relationship and how sure are you of your wife’s loyalty, otherwise it could end in a disaster for you.

[CharlieH]

Some questions for the OP:

You say you have lived in Thailand for 5 years and out of these 5 years, how long have you known your now Thai wife?

Are you officially married to your wife?

Do you have proof that you are the biological father of the said child?

Do you have your own property in the UK? If not, what sort of accommodation do you suppose to provide for your wife and child?

Do you have a guaranteed full time employment if you return to the UK?

Do you have any savings or other assets in the UK, meaning will you be relying on your wife’s earnings to supplement your own earnings in the UK?

These are some of the questions you maybe asked by the FCO if and when applying for your wife’s visa to enter Britain.

Here are some facts that you may or may not be aware of if living with or married to a woman in the UK:

The rules regarding the rights of wives/girlfriends in most Western countries:

The woman controls whether you have sex or not. She controls whether she gets pregnant or not. She determines whether to have an abortion or not (even if the man or husband wants the child). She has the option to divorce her husband at any point during the marriage just on the grounds that she no longer wishes to remain with her partner and if there are children involved, in 99.99% of cases, she gets the family home and the kids, even if there is a new partner on the scene, plus child support and alimony. The woman gets paid even if she is the partner that dissolved the marriage and still gets paid even if the male partner and her don't legally marry.

I know of some men that had been completely destroyed by these Draconian Laws where their spouses have literally picked their bones clean

At first when the Thai wives begin to settle in the UK, they are pretty naive, but later they will meet other Thais who will soon teach them all the cons and the tricks of the system.

So it`s not just a matter of, will the Thai wife adapt to living full time in the UK, but also, how stable is your relationship and how sure are you of your wife’s loyalty, otherwise it could end in a disaster for you.

Whilst I dont always agree with "Beetlejuice" and his post above is a bit of a slap in the face with reality, he is right and the points raised are very valid and you would do well to at least listen to them.

Particularly the line that concurs with my sentiment of "Be careful who she mixes with "

"At first when the Thai wives begin to settle in the UK, they are pretty naive, but later they will meet other

Thais who will soon teach them all the cons and the tricks of the system."

[NBD]

Schmakos

Only brief visits for holdiays etc. I know it's much different.

Charlie

Thanks for the link. I wasn't planning on beating my wife, but you never know. Hard to really control who she sees (and doubtful about how good an idea that is long term) but again part of my thinking in moving to a more rural area is that it's more likely that she will make friends with locals with young kids etc rather than bar girls and runaways.

[NBD]

Beetlejuice (point by point)

Known my wife since I was about 3-6 months in and been with her properly about 4 years.

Yes, officially married since March 2012

Never done a DNA test but I am named on the birth certificate and am in absolutely no doubt of the fact

Guaranteed some casual work while I find something better. Never had much difficulty before and from speaking to a couple of recruiters in my industry it shouldn't be that difficult.

Enough savings to get me on my feet, then bring the wife and baby over when I am earning better money.

Appreciate the sentiment/warning. I guess that applies to most marriages in some way. Not too concerned at this stage as I have never seen my wife being anything other than a very genuine, honest and decent person.

[Hedghog]

Op.

Good luck with your plans.

Just hope you're not back shortly.

How do I divorce my wife.

[Beetlejuice]

Beetlejuice (point by point)

Known my wife since I was about 3-6 months in and been with her properly about 4 years.

Yes, officially married since March 2012

Never done a DNA test but I am named on the birth certificate and am in absolutely no doubt of the fact

Guaranteed some casual work while I find something better. Never had much difficulty before and from speaking to a couple of recruiters in my industry it shouldn't be that difficult.

Enough savings to get me on my feet, then bring the wife and baby over when I am earning better money.

Appreciate the sentiment/warning. I guess that applies to most marriages in some way. Not too concerned at this stage as I have never seen my wife being anything other than a very genuine, honest and decent person.

If you are considering bringing your wife and child to the UK, than at least you will want some decent accommodation, a proper family home you can call your own, either purchased by a mortgage or some nice semi upmarket rented premises. Otherwise after living in beautiful Thailand and especially for your wife and child, if suddenly finding themselves living in some crappy low grade area somewhere, or with your relatives or friends, they will not like that at all.

Also prior to getting them over, you should already be in some sort of full time paid stable employment, not taking any risks on a hope and a prayer that everything will go to plan and work out.

Your first priorities must be that you first get yourself established with a home and stable employment in the UK, perhaps a car for transport and a school sorted out for your child, then have everything prepared for the arrival of your wife and child, so it`s just a case of they hang up their clothes and they’re in.

These are essentials that have to be arranged and provided for your family. If not possible, than the fact is you simply cannot afford and are not in a situation to bring the family to the UK just yet, and I would not recommend that you do so until everything is arranged.

But whatever you decide, you do at your own risk and discretion and at the risk of the happiness of your family.

[NBD]

Thanks Beetlejuice.

Anyone actually got any advice or experiences to share about their Thai wife integrating into western culture or tips on preparing for this ahead of time?

[roamer]

Rural areas can be isolating, may not work out the way you think. I know English friends that have moved out from the cities and find it difficult. Granted she might not be running around with the "wrong" crowd, but she might be stuck at home with no one to talk to which will bring its own problems.

[forumuser10]

Be careful so that she does not begins to hang out with other Thais. They will start to compare how much each husband is making, and how much each husband is giving the family back in Isaan. For many, it is a competition. Who´s got the richest foreigner.

[abhaya]

Put yourself in her flip flops. Are you emotionally secure hanging around local Thais without the cultural validation of your farang friends? Can you live on som tom and sticky rice and be happy? You don’t miss the freezing winters and get sick of the constant heat noise and pollution of Bangkok? If you can do it so can she.

[Beetlejuice]

Be careful so that she does not begins to hang out with other Thais. They will start to compare how much each husband is making, and how much each husband is giving the family back in Isaan. For many, it is a competition. Who´s got the richest foreigner.

Yes, very true. They do like to keep up with the Jones and show off to their families and friends just how prosperous they have become and how their kids are the top of the form at school.

Anything less, than they will become discontented very quickly. I have personally witnessed this in the past as shoestring marriages are rarely successful, especially if they see others around them or in their circles doing better than them.

It`s not a case of gold digging but more rather that they feel shame and embarrassment, it`s a cultural thing, probably similar to how ex-pats like to be perceived in Thailand.

Edited November 12, 2013 by Beetlejuice

[belg]

family, friends, food, sunshine, farm

those are things she will miss soo much, that you either will end up in a costly divorce or a depressed wife !

[how241]

family, friends, food, sunshine, farm

those are things she will miss soo much, that you either will end up in a costly divorce or a depressed wife !

Good chance she will not be happy outside Thailand.

[barrybike]

Get her to stay away from big group isaan friends & things will be fine , my wife is here in ireland with me 8 years now & is happy as ever, my wife is southern & university educated had good job etc, she had a group of isaan friends in the local town but over the years has cut off contact with them as they talk about their problems all the time & money etc etc , and they like to drink gamble & party all the time in each others houses, my wife dosent drink or smoke,she still has friends from isaan & south just not the ones that like to meet every second day that eat get drunk & gossip constantly , get the internet & wifi in your home, essential for them , anyway best of luck & wish you all the best in what u do

Sent from my iPhone using ThaiVisa app

[chiang mai]

family, friends, food, sunshine, farm

those are things she will miss soo much, that you either will end up in a costly divorce or a depressed wife !

Good chance she will not be happy outside Thailand.

+1

[Beetlejuice]

family, friends, food, sunshine, farm

those are things she will miss soo much, that you either will end up in a costly divorce or a depressed wife !

Good chance she will not be happy outside Thailand.

No, I would say that.

Given that the family are living in a decent home, a decent environment, without too many financial worries and have a regular sustainable income, similar to how any other families like to live in those countries, then there is a good chance that Thai wives will be contented and happy with their lifestyles in the West. These are the incentives that persuade many Thai wives to settle in their husbands home countries and want to stay there. They are not gold diggers, but like everyone else, they want to go up the status ladder and improve their lives.

I am not deliberately going out of my way to discourage the OP from settling in the UK with his family, the advice I have given would be the same even if the OP was my own brother or a close friend. It`s only common sense.

Edited November 12, 2013 by Beetlejuice

[Spalpeen]

Depends almost entirely on your wifes personality. My missus lived perfectly happily in the UK for 7 years before we moved back to Thailand, even became a UK citizen. But then she has an easygoing personality and will easily mix with new people.

[Always18]

Did your trip almost in reverse.

Having met and married my darling Isaan lady, we moved to the UK (south) for a year but it became clear that there were real issues for her regarding the (much lower) ambient temp and lack of sunshine, physical separation from her near family and, of course, lack of real Isaan food.

She made it clear that despite these drawbacks for her, she loved me unconditionally and would make her home wherever I chose to live so I had no hesitation in selling up everything and moving us both back to Isaan where I knew she would be happiest.

That was 5 yrs ago and I don't regret one moment of it.

[oxo1947]

Just a few words NDB --try to remember them in 1-or-2 years time----- Your relationship living back there--will never be the same as here.

But I wish you lots of luck--& hope for all the best in the future.

[kingstonkid]

My only thought would be to make sure that you teach the family here to use the internet and get them a good computer. That way when she is lonely she can still talk to them.

Also I think you need to take into account eh article about the Danish wife and child getting the boot. Not to wish ill on anyone but they need to be thought of if something does happen.

OH YEAH one other thing do not bring her to England in the middle of winter if you can at all help it. Just as it is getting warm would be best.

Just imagine what it is going to feel like for you to hit the cold weather then add in all the other culture shocks.

[ianf]

NBD

It all depends on where you want to live in the UK. If you are within reach of a temple (Warwick, Wimbledon, Manchester) then you'll find that a lot of expat Thais go to these temples and that's a good way of meeting other Thais. I think that's the key to it. Making her happy and settled is making sure she has some cultural input. When I was helping at the Warwick temple met many Thai women who were unhappy because their husbands were not nice (I'm sure this excludes you!) and they were isolated from the Thai community. There are Thai supermarkets for her food and some also sell DVDs, books in Thai or magazines or whatever. Also during the winter it is VERY cold for Thai people so counsel her on that. I have met many happy Thai women and many unhappy ones. With Skype she can speak to her friends and family. Let me know in which town you'll be located and I may be able to help more ..... pm if you like. Best of luck.

[truckerjoe]

Some questions for the OP:

You say you have lived in Thailand for 5 years and out of these 5 years, how long have you known your now Thai wife?

Are you officially married to your wife?

Do you have proof that you are the biological father of the said child?

Do you have your own property in the UK? If not, what sort of accommodation do you suppose to provide for your wife and child?

Do you have a guaranteed full time employment if you return to the UK?

Do you have any savings or other assets in the UK, meaning will you be relying on your wife’s earnings to supplement your own earnings in the UK?

These are some of the questions you maybe asked by the FCO if and when applying for your wife’s visa to enter Britain.

Here are some facts that you may or may not be aware of if living with or married to a woman in the UK:

The rules regarding the rights of wives/girlfriends in most Western countries:

The woman controls whether you have sex or not. She controls whether she gets pregnant or not. She determines whether to have an abortion or not (even if the man or husband wants the child). She has the option to divorce her husband at any point during the marriage just on the grounds that she no longer wishes to remain with her partner and if there are children involved, in 99.99% of cases, she gets the family home and the kids, even if there is a new partner on the scene, plus child support and alimony. The woman gets paid even if she is the partner that dissolved the marriage and still gets paid even if the male partner and her don't legally marry.

I know of some men that had been completely destroyed by these Draconian Laws where their spouses have literally picked their bones clean

At first when the Thai wives begin to settle in the UK, they are pretty naive, but later they will meet other Thais who will soon teach them all the cons and the tricks of the system.

So it`s not just a matter of, will the Thai wife adapt to living full time in the UK, but also, how stable is your relationship and how sure are you of your wife’s loyalty, otherwise it could end in a disaster for you.

Spot on Beetlejuice, Having run two UK Thai restaurants back in the 90s, I employed quite a few Thai women married to Brits, the biggest problems I saw was when the girls got together in groups after work, any new girls who seemed to be happily married where often told that they could do better, and some were soon joining the other girls after work at the local casinos, Some of the more gambling addicted girls were even selling themselves for extra gambling money.

one older girl I employed was addicted to the slots and while her husband was working off shore she managed to gamble away £35000 of their savings, he divorced her, of all the couples I remember, none are still together, that include me and my wife.

[snowyy73]

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/680223-what-would-you-do-2/

Have a read through the above thread, some crap, but some valid points too.

Visting is not the same as living there, my main advice would be to be very very careful who she mixes with in your abscence, I am not suggesting you keep her a prisoner but be careful, many things she wont understand and may take literally.

Keep regular contact with her during you abscence and make sure she doesnt feel alone.

If there are other thai females around be even more wary, dont let her get involved in a group, one is good for friendship talk to etc, a group can be trouble with comparing and jealousy etc.

Find somewhere near or online etc you can get "her" food, she will miss it and the offerrings many uknstores and supermarkets have wont even come close, she will miss "proper" thai food if living there for any period of time.

Good luck, take it slow, take care each other.

I agree with the above thai groups can be a nightmare lots of vodka and cards with lots of money changing hands.But it's only fair that she should be able to speak in her own language so some friends are important.

this may sound a little hard but make her watch english tv and not thai via the computer, watching english tv will help her to understand english and give you conversation as you explain different words to her.

Most thai women that settle in the uk realise that life is far better for them and don't want to return.

good luck

[arthurriding]

I am in a similar situation having brought my Thai wife to be back to the UK 23 years ago, then we went back to Thailand 6 years ago, at my insistence as I thought I wanted more of the sun and sea etc, Now back in the UK with my wife after 5 years in Thailand as I decided the advantages of Thailand didn't outweigh the disadvantages. Throughout though, after the first couple of years after we married, my wife never missed being in Thailand and in fact always much preferred living in the UK. Indeed, she hated it when we returned to Thailand to live and was absolutely delighted when we came back to the UK. The point is, not all Thais are going to miss home, especially after the first couple of years. Some will, some, will prefer their new life here. I was lucky in that my wife was university educated and a very sensible lady and willing to learn new customs and ways of life. Also, although most of her friends here are Thai, they are mainly 'good sorts', other well educated Thais (many of them over here studying, or who were studying, at UK universities) who also, on the whole, enjoy the English way of life, so that helps.

The other advantage now is that Thai food is so easy to get virtually anywhere in the UK. We order online every few weeks from one of 3 Thai online 'supermarkets' that we know of (there might be more) and any Thai food that my wife wants is delivered straight to our house and all at a reasonable cost, at least by UK standards. Expensive compared to Thailand but nothing more than you would pay for similar 'English' products in the UK at a UK supermarket. Fresh foods are flown in every Tuesday from Thailand by those companies so my wife can get very fresh Thai vegetables and herbs every week if she wanted.

The other big advantage now is the Internet. My wife use Line a lot here in the UK, and when in Thailand, and easily and regularly keeps in touch with all her friends both in Thailand and in the UK. We have no Thai friends living close to where we are in deepest rural Wiltshire but through Line she can easily, and cheaply, communicate as often as she wants with all her friends through her smartphone. Her mother, and one sister, doesn't use Line so my wife has to phone her but she uses an internet phone so again the costs are very low and no problem keeping in touch with her mother or anyone else in Thailand who doesn't use Line. My wife doesn't use Tango yet on her smartphone but is thinking of using that too as it has video capabilities and many of her Thai friends use Tango as well as Line so using video will make communication even better.

So really no problem at all these days in getting Thai food (as long as your wife can cook) or keeping in touch with friends and family in Thailand at a cheap price. In my view there are only 2 significant issues in bringing your wife to the UK a) most important is her attitude and how receptive she is to learning a new way of life and the more you can support and guide her the better, and the weather as there is not much you can do about that and the English weather can be a problem. Best perhaps when you do come to the UK to live to come in Spring or early Summer so your wife does not have to immediately face many months of an English winter. My wife though these days loves the English weather, most of the time, and prefers it to the weather in Thailand which is just too hot for her now!

Hope that all goes well for you in your relocation.

[winstonc]

every post valid...beetlejuice hits it right on the button..hes just saying the way it is...for armed is for warned as they say very good luck if you go...send me back some marmite..

[kikoman]

I see you are receiving a lot of bad advise from some, to monitor who she is free to interact with, if you can not trust her with having her freedom (granted look at what that freedom has done to the Western women) then it is a mistake to take her into a society that guarantees her some rights she does not enjoy in Thailand!

How many Farang's could exist here in Thailand, not being allowed to interact with other Farang's (very few) yet that is the advise they give you.

No one knows your wife better than you (should??),She will be having to adjust to a new culture, learn and converse solely in English, the drastic changes in the weather, access to Thai food, living in a country not known as accepting foreigners (Farang's), having to be isolated away from you, while you are working, only you will be able to make that decision if she could adjust and still be relatively happy.

My son that took a job as a policeman in rural Colorado, to find a better life for his wife and four daughters, recently found himself single again, as his wife from Phoenix could not adjust to the rural farm he had always dreamed of having, It was his dream and not hers! She could not adjust to the isolation and they are now separated and he must choose between living his dream and his family.

Carefully weigh the pros and cons of moving to England, with her active input, advise her of the things she might have problems with, as Farang's here always complain of Thai discrimination (she will also come face to face with real discrimination in the West, will she be prepared to deal with it).

What ever path you choose , I wish you Love, Luck and Happiness.

Cheers

[snowyy73]

Some questions for the OP:

You say you have lived in Thailand for 5 years and out of these 5 years, how long have you known your now Thai wife?

Are you officially married to your wife?

Do you have proof that you are the biological father of the said child?

Do you have your own property in the UK? If not, what sort of accommodation do you suppose to provide for your wife and child?

Do you have a guaranteed full time employment if you return to the UK?

Do you have any savings or other assets in the UK, meaning will you be relying on your wife’s earnings to supplement your own earnings in the UK?

These are some of the questions you maybe asked by the FCO if and when applying for your wife’s visa to enter Britain.

Here are some facts that you may or may not be aware of if living with or married to a woman in the UK:

The rules regarding the rights of wives/girlfriends in most Western countries:

The woman controls whether you have sex or not. She controls whether she gets pregnant or not. She determines whether to have an abortion or not (even if the man or husband wants the child). She has the option to divorce her husband at any point during the marriage just on the grounds that she no longer wishes to remain with her partner and if there are children involved, in 99.99% of cases, she gets the family home and the kids, even if there is a new partner on the scene, plus child support and alimony. The woman gets paid even if she is the partner that dissolved the marriage and still gets paid even if the male partner and her don't legally marry.

I know of some men that had been completely destroyed by these Draconian Laws where their spouses have literally picked their bones clean

At first when the Thai wives begin to settle in the UK, they are pretty naive, but later they will meet other Thais who will soon teach them all the cons and the tricks of the system.

So it`s not just a matter of, will the Thai wife adapt to living full time in the UK, but also, how stable is your relationship and how sure are you of your wife’s loyalty, otherwise it could end in a disaster for you.

I agree with above.It didn't work out for me and my ex.she was quick off the mark net working with other thais.

I thought i had done my home work before i brought her to the uk....how wrong was i.I found out many secrets.....after i had signed the blank cheque(marriage certificate) things like an extra child that"is my brothers child!"

the divorce laws in the uk are a joke it cost me £50,000 for a four year marriage!!

good luck