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Posted

Hi,

I've moved to Thailand and plan to marry a Thai woman I've known for about a year. She's got a good job with the goverment, worked there for 6 years, is the eldest daughter, lives with here parents and helps them out and also helps out her younger sisters. She had a farang boyfriend for 3 years but he decided he didn't want to settle down have children and she did so they broke up a few months before we met.

She makes no secret of the fact that she likes money and she expects a better lifestyle than her government salary can provide her. I always pay when we travel or go out and give her money every month. Her ex bf did and I think her sisters and relatives got used to it.

According to her, it's " Thai culture" that we can't marry and live in a rental house so I'll need to put down 3-4m and she will finance the remaining 1-2m, her parents depend on her 6 year old truck to do to the dalat twice a week so I'll also need to buy her and I a car, has to be a new car because you can't trust used cars in Thailand.

I haven't met her parents yet because she brought her ex bf there and when marriage didn't materialize, her parents were turned off of her dating a farang so she wants to be sure that I can provide for her since I'm older than her.

I'm 100% sure she doesn't have any other men in her life but I'm not convinced about the "thai culture" aspects of the relationship and her reluctance for me to meet her parents.

Opinons?

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Posted

Suggest there are better looking fish under the bridge.

Is this for real?

 

According to her, it's " Thai culture"  that we can't marry and live in a rental house

 

Please ask "little miss perfect", why I see the same thing happening all around me everyday?

 

Opinons?

 

Bin her ASAP, a serial farang hunter.

Yes, but you also need to stop hanging around the bars until closing time :P

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Posted

Is she worth it? You are already under unbelieveable pressure to be the Rich performing Farang,to me it sounds like unreasonable demands from a blatant Gold Digger,who thinks she is the only woman in the world,and present demands are only the beginning of further incessant demands,......hook up with this women,and you are on the treadmill to oblivion!

  • Like 1
Posted

The opinions were not unexpected. According to her, the reason we can't live in a rental house is because of her parents. She already had two failed relationships with non-Thai men ( one left her and married a bar girl, the other one also cheated in her). Her parents think farangs use their money to string her along in relationships with no future for her. They don't want her dating farangs ( even though her 1st two bf's were Thai and cheated on her too). They equate renting a house to live in to renting their daughter, she (or they) thinks buying a house signifies making a commitment. She suggested a house in a development where only a small downpayment was required and she'd get a mortgage for the rest but the development is sold out. Her parents don't own any vehicles except scooters and got used to using her truck for the past 5 years and she planned to give it to them when it was paid off. I neglected to mention, she's also my Thai business partner, when I bought a business here, without me asking, she took a 150 hour course to get a certificate for the business. She used vacation time to work there for free for a week when our manager needed time off to attend a funeral of her stepson. She's acted as GM of the company the two months before I arrived and every penny is accounted for. Despite her full time job(and MBA), she helps her parents small business for a couple hours before and after work every day. She says once we find a house, then she can convince her parents I'm not just another older farang looking to temporarily bed their daughter only to later leave her. She was devastated for months after her previous bf cheated on her, withdrew from her friends and family and cried daily and says her parents don't want to see her hurt like that again.

Posted

The opinions were not unexpected. According to her, the reason we can't live in a rental house is because of her parents. She already had two failed relationships with non-Thai men ( one left her and married a bar girl, the other one also cheated in her). Her parents think farangs use their money to string her along in relationships with no future for her. They don't want her dating farangs ( even though her 1st two bf's were Thai and cheated on her too). They equate renting a house to live in to renting their daughter, she (or they) thinks buying a house signifies making a commitment. She suggested a house in a development where only a small downpayment was required and she'd get a mortgage for the rest but the development is sold out. Her parents don't own any vehicles except scooters and got used to using her truck for the past 5 years and she planned to give it to them when it was paid off. I neglected to mention, she's also my Thai business partner, when I bought a business here, without me asking, she took a 150 hour course to get a certificate for the business. She used vacation time to work there for free for a week when our manager needed time off to attend a funeral of her stepson. She's acted as GM of the company the two months before I arrived and every penny is accounted for. Despite her full time job(and MBA), she helps her parents small business for a couple hours before and after work every day. She says once we find a house, then she can convince her parents I'm not just another older farang looking to temporarily bed their daughter only to later leave her. She was devastated for months after her previous bf cheated on her, withdrew from her friends and family and cried daily and says her parents don't want to see her hurt like that again.

Carry on and make her excuses for her,it's your life,but please don't try and convince others,in order to convince yourself. My final advice to you is: don't let Culture and Tradition BS, blah blah,cloud your judgement,

it's simply all about money!

Two failed Thai relationships,Parents frown on Farang Relationships,and don't want her hurt again. which is laughable,as long as you have the entrance fee, i.e Money. You didn't break her heart,so you don't need to be the white knight in shining Armour. Try and remember that,because when the check bin comes in, for the Broken heart x 2, it's you that's going to pick up the Tab! You will hear many stories,doubt half of them,and suspect the other half.

Here's another instance. Many years ago I was involved with a Thai Teacher,who told me her Family frowned on her being with a Farang,but ,if I bought a brand new house for Her/Us,Face,Culture, and Tradition,would have been satisfied.And duly would cleanse everything!

Of course,she having been married before with 2 children,and 44 years old, SinSot was not mentioned.Not that it was ever likely to be offered anyway! just an example,money changes everything! and even History is up for sale!

  • Like 1
Posted

Here's my advice: Give it more time, there is no rush. Discuss important plans with friends and family in order to stay objective.

Meet the parents first. A couple of times perhaps. Hang out with the family. Get to know eachother. Get to know your spouse and learn from eachother.

Nobody is forcing you to marry and put down a small fortune. And remember:

You are taking this step in life, out of your own free will.

  • Like 2
Posted

"The same things you have to do to get a woman is the same things you gotta do to keep her."

This is true the world over.

"Second best time to plant a tree is today" sent from note2 TV app

Posted

I think danceslot offers good advice. Give it time.

No matter who you end up with you will most likely spend some money. That is not limited to Thailand. The smart thing is to make sure she is the one to spend the money on. She may well be. Just proceed cautiously.

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Posted

you are buying her a house... you don't own it.

age difference?

assuming there was only 5 year difference in age, on a scale of 1-10, how likely would it be your wife would be physically attracted to you? 10 being very strong.

what percentage of your net worth you are giving way? 5% or 50%? or?

how do you know she loves you?

do you love her?

since you can have sex with thousands of beautiful woman in Thailand for the fraction of the cost of a house, why are you doing this?

buy a condo in your name. if she loves you she can hang with you.

15,000 the cost of Thai girl friend per month. divided by the cost of a 1,000,000 house equals 66 months of various girlfriends.

your business partner and your girlfriend? what happens if you break up?

did you set it up so you are the controlling partner?

will be be able to start over when you lose your business and house?

  • Like 2
Posted

The opinions were not unexpected. According to her, the reason we can't live in a rental house is because of her parents. She already had two failed relationships with non-Thai men ( one left her and married a bar girl, the other one also cheated in her). Her parents think farangs use their money to string her along in relationships with no future for her. They don't want her dating farangs ( even though her 1st two bf's were Thai and cheated on her too). They equate renting a house to live in to renting their daughter, she (or they) thinks buying a house signifies making a commitment. She suggested a house in a development where only a small downpayment was required and she'd get a mortgage for the rest but the development is sold out. Her parents don't own any vehicles except scooters and got used to using her truck for the past 5 years and she planned to give it to them when it was paid off. I neglected to mention, she's also my Thai business partner, when I bought a business here, without me asking, she took a 150 hour course to get a certificate for the business. She used vacation time to work there for free for a week when our manager needed time off to attend a funeral of her stepson. She's acted as GM of the company the two months before I arrived and every penny is accounted for. Despite her full time job(and MBA), she helps her parents small business for a couple hours before and after work every day. She says once we find a house, then she can convince her parents I'm not just another older farang looking to temporarily bed their daughter only to later leave her. She was devastated for months after her previous bf cheated on her, withdrew from her friends and family and cried daily and says her parents don't want to see her hurt like that again.

Carry on and make her excuses for her,it's your life,but please don't try and convince others,in order to convince yourself. My final advice to you is: don't let Culture and Tradition BS, blah blah,cloud your judgement,

it's simply all about money!

Two failed Thai relationships,Parents frown on Farang Relationships,and don't want her hurt again. which is laughable,as long as you have the entrance fee, i.e Money. You didn't break her heart,so you don't need to be the white knight in shining Armour. Try and remember that,because when the check bin comes in, for the Broken heart x 2, it's you that's going to pick up the Tab! You will hear many stories,doubt half of them,and suspect the other half.

Here's another instance. Many years ago I was involved with a Thai Teacher,who told me her Family frowned on her being with a Farang,but ,if I bought a brand new house for Her/Us,Face,Culture, and Tradition,would have been satisfied.And duly would cleanse everything!

Of course,she having been married before with 2 children,and 44 years old, SinSot was not mentioned.Not that it was ever likely to be offered anyway! just an example,money changes everything! and even History is up for sale!

MAJIC: at first I thought you where harsh, apologies.

Khun Moo Curt: You neglected to mention what I highlighted in the quote.

I reserved an open mind untill I read this. That's why I re-quoted it.

From your writings I understand she maticulously plans every financing in life to the last Bath. She controlls and runs everything, including feeding your heart with an unjust feeling of replacement guilt and compassion.

Ask yourself: Why do you share with us the details about the 150 hour course/the car and house purchase etc, etc.? Why did she study so much to run your(her) business? Did she foresee the upcoming funeral? Is she your business partner or co-owner?

I think she doesn't want you to meet her parents. It can't be the parents choice to neglect their daughter's future spouse.

I am hoping you see It's precisely these small details you mention that raise red flags with me. All the way up to the funeral excuse.

Usually, I am a very positive person but have a bad feeling about this.

I revise my advice:

Do what makes you and your loved ones, feel happy, however don't get married, yet, if you do, accidentally, DON'T let the marriage be registered in your home country.

If your relationship is still solid next year. Make another stand by waiting with the baby, 2 years minimum. This means WHATEVER it takes. I barely made it through that one myself...

Just sayin'...coffee1.gif

I whish you good luck

Yours,

Posted

She is laying down too many "conditions" far too early. It only gets uglier with time. At a minimum pull back on the throttle and let things play out. Her true character (good or bad) will come out with time. Whatever you do, do not drop those amounts of money on the car and house this early in the game. My gut tells me this will head south with time, the "conditions" and "Thai culture" push are early indicators of this.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

  • Like 2
Posted

She works for the government but helped out with my business when it needed it. Along with my lawyer I control 52% of the business. If we bought a house she would sign a usfruct, if we broke up we'd sell it and both get half.

The business requires someone with a certificate which I do not have and I thought it considerate of her to get one on her own, she has no interest in running the business and would have preferred I not bought it. I went the business route to get a residence permit in my own, for a fraction of the cost, we could have gotten a house and I could have got a residence permit based on marriage.

According to her, if her parents don't accept me (too old, foreign etc. ) then she can't get married. She is very attached to her family and thinks she owes them for her education and upbringing. They are poor farmers who sacrificed a lot to put her through college.

I can see one point, if we got married, she'd outlive me and by the time I'm gone she'd be far past prime age for marriage and probably end up an old maid.

There is zero percent chance she has a Thai husband or boyfriend, I have met and spent a lot if time with all her sisters and friends.

Posted

If we bought a house she would sign a usfruct, if we broke up we'd sell it and both get half.

So you are going to buy her a house, for cash, before you get married now.

If you are married, usfruct is not enforceable.

If you have a home loan, bank won't allow usfruct.

Posted

She works for the government but helped out with my business when it needed it.

Still a little confused.. this sounds like more than just helping out..

She's acted as GM of the company the two months before I arrived and every penny is accounted for

totster :)

Posted

She is all about money, her first two Falangs realized this and ran. You should too. Many ladies in Thailand, you need to grow some stones and put away the tinted glasses. No money no honey she says,hmmm. ;)

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Posted

She works for the government but helped out with my business when it needed it. Along with my lawyer I control 52% of the business. If we bought a house she would sign a usfruct, if we broke up we'd sell it and both get half.

The business requires someone with a certificate which I do not have and I thought it considerate of her to get one on her own, she has no interest in running the business and would have preferred I not bought it. I went the business route to get a residence permit in my own, for a fraction of the cost, we could have gotten a house and I could have got a residence permit based on marriage.

According to her, if her parents don't accept me (too old, foreign etc. ) then she can't get married. She is very attached to her family and thinks she owes them for her education and upbringing. They are poor farmers who sacrificed a lot to put her through college.

I can see one point, if we got married, she'd outlive me and by the time I'm gone she'd be far past prime age for marriage and probably end up an old maid.

There is zero percent chance she has a Thai husband or boyfriend, I have met and spent a lot if time with all her sisters and friends. Her sisters are also reluctant to bring even their Thai boyfriends to meet their parents because they are concerned their parents would approve and they'll feel pressured to choose between love and their parents approval.

Gsxrnz- yes, I read "Thailand Fever" early and often, I even bought her a copy. Part of the reason I haven't ran away was because of the explanation of the differences in Thai and western culture, especially as it relates to the relationships between Thai children and their parents.

Posted

I think the gist is just tread carefully. You started off by saying that you have to buy a house. That is one giant red flag.

I think you should start off by renting. You can always buy a house in the future.

Good luck. I hope it all works out.

Posted

The OP is a never-ending source of off-hand 'I forgot to mention' responses when the red flags are raised. Like he forgot to mention she is a business partner... like that is so insignificant to be easy to overlook. Then 'I have spoken with her ex' which is as far fetched as it is downright creepy IMHO. I assume this soon-to-be wife freely gave you his contact information then? She has a cv with references then?

Regarding these conversations with her sisters, the OP will be back shortly, claiming that he is fluent in Thai.

When anyone needs to seek an opinion on very personal matters from complete strangers on an internet forum and just because he has chosen to post in the Marriage & Divorce forum rather than the more cutting edge and incisive (and predictably troll filled) General forum?

Maybe the Mods can punt this into Farang Pub for some light entertainment.

Posted

The OP is a never-ending source of off-hand 'I forgot to mention' responses when the red flags are raised. Like he forgot to mention she is a business partner... like that is so insignificant to be easy to overlook. Then 'I have spoken with her ex' which is as far fetched as it is downright creepy IMHO. I assume this soon-to-be wife freely gave you his contact information then? She has a cv with references then?

Regarding these conversations with her sisters, the OP will be back shortly, claiming that he is fluent in Thai.

When anyone needs to seek an opinion on very personal matters from complete strangers on an internet forum and just because he has chosen to post in the Marriage & Divorce forum rather than the more cutting edge and incisive (and predictably troll filled) General forum?

Maybe the Mods can punt this into Farang Pub for some light entertainment.

Oh khun NanLaew you sage sceptic you... Shame on you for inferring that Khun Moo Court is anything but a street smart savvy hansum man with a firm grip of reality! Tsk tsk tsk wai2.gif

Khun Moo Court is pouring his heart out on an otherwise anonymous web forum! The least you could do is not make him look totally foolish cheesy.gif

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