Am I just a farang bank to her?

[Bakeman]

OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From my experience that is too much money. I married an educated lady with a business and the only funds were a few gold items and 600K to the father whom returned 200K back to us which we used for a honey-moon.

Good luck.

[jomcondo]

You've put yourself in a position from which I think you will never recover, Tvisa advice has corrupted your own soul and good intentions, from 5 Mill to refusing to pay for a great day out at the beach her family and younger sister could enjoy. You have been offered a slender line of salvation but unfortunately appear to have confirmed that money is indeed important to you, and her family are not!

Don't worry many make the same mistake, in a land where lovely women are available everywhere, you appear to be following advice from single guys? ever wonder why they remain single or are handing out advice off the back of a failed relationship?

Most likely they have completely failed to grasp and understand the 'family relationship'

You get on with the potential mother in law you are in with a good chance, otherwise an uphill battle may well ensue, but I thought every potential son in law acknowledged this. If you cannot accept that her family are part of your life, how can they accept you? So you are looking to create a divide that will surely provide at least an unhappy wife, at best a rocky future.

No trip to the beach .......you've blown it!

how do you know if posters are single or no?

the only thing he might avoid is a bunch of gold diggers that displayed their intentions very early.

He encouraged high expectation, they obliged......he got cold feet and was stuck on how to reset their expectation to a level he could comfortably accomodate.....enter the Tvisa give no money 'experts'....it would appear he now just wants free sex with the lady.....no?

wow.....sex without money!.......crime of the century.........sounds like you have been in thailand too long.

and you still didn't answer how you know if posters are single or no?

[473geo]

You've put yourself in a position from which I think you will never recover, Tvisa advice has corrupted your own soul and good intentions, from 5 Mill to refusing to pay for a great day out at the beach her family and younger sister could enjoy. You have been offered a slender line of salvation but unfortunately appear to have confirmed that money is indeed important to you, and her family are not!

Don't worry many make the same mistake, in a land where lovely women are available everywhere, you appear to be following advice from single guys? ever wonder why they remain single or are handing out advice off the back of a failed relationship?

Most likely they have completely failed to grasp and understand the 'family relationship'

You get on with the potential mother in law you are in with a good chance, otherwise an uphill battle may well ensue, but I thought every potential son in law acknowledged this. If you cannot accept that her family are part of your life, how can they accept you? So you are looking to create a divide that will surely provide at least an unhappy wife, at best a rocky future.

No trip to the beach .......you've blown it!

how do you know if posters are single or no?

the only thing he might avoid is a bunch of gold diggers that displayed their intentions very early.

He encouraged high expectation, they obliged......he got cold feet and was stuck on how to reset their expectation to a level he could comfortably accomodate.....enter the Tvisa give no money 'experts'....it would appear he now just wants free sex with the lady.....no?

Well free sex still beats wanking....no?

Not always, I do recall one occasion where sex wasn't that good!

I can also tell you, paid for sex can be lot more satisfying than free sex, paid for masturbation can be more satisfying than self pleasure, in fact the 'free' part is rather unimportant if you can afford to experiment, so 'free sex' does not naturally 'beat' anything, unless your pleasure is not derived from the sex but the fact that you are getting it for 'free'!

[msealey]

The best way to get over this girl is to get on Excel and make a spreadsheet of alternative uses of the money (you can still objectify women as purchasable objects, but objectify smart).

1 house with 5 room luxury dungeon = 1.5 million baht

5 x girl for each room in new house for 4 months per year during visit @50k per month = 4(5(50k))=1m

Remainder left from budget after year 1 = 2.5m (or an extra 2.5 years of more sordid debauchery)

Savings from ongoing costs to mother in law 360k p.a. (or 1 more girl??)

Do the maths and go with the smart money rather than what your heart tells you. The heart is an Asian concept, the mind is Western.

[sdshaman]

The irony is if you didn't give her any money, tried harder to "finger" her during alone time and sneered at her mum every-time she opened her fat mouth this girl would find you both mysterious and exotic.

The real trick to winning a Thai girls heart is to negate everything they say with ไม่ Mai (not or no). "go eat rice"..."not go eat rice", "pay money family"... "not pay money family"...

-here's where it get's complicated, but the words start to touch her heart: "you not love me, you not care me"..."I not not love you, I not not care you".

A double negative as shown in the statement above, confirms a neutral to mildly positive state of affection towards her but leaves room for her to try and win you around.

You have to keep her in this state whereby she's trying to win you around for the term of your relationship or it's game over.

Disclosure: prefer wanking, hands don't talk back

she begged me to come back to the relationship. I asked her if she really wanted it and she said yes. Then she said when I was ready to come see her? wait a minute... she is begging me and then acting like I was just begging her??

[473geo]

You've put yourself in a position from which I think you will never recover, Tvisa advice has corrupted your own soul and good intentions, from 5 Mill to refusing to pay for a great day out at the beach her family and younger sister could enjoy. You have been offered a slender line of salvation but unfortunately appear to have confirmed that money is indeed important to you, and her family are not!

Don't worry many make the same mistake, in a land where lovely women are available everywhere, you appear to be following advice from single guys? ever wonder why they remain single or are handing out advice off the back of a failed relationship?

Most likely they have completely failed to grasp and understand the 'family relationship'

You get on with the potential mother in law you are in with a good chance, otherwise an uphill battle may well ensue, but I thought every potential son in law acknowledged this. If you cannot accept that her family are part of your life, how can they accept you? So you are looking to create a divide that will surely provide at least an unhappy wife, at best a rocky future.

No trip to the beach .......you've blown it!

how do you know if posters are single or no?

the only thing he might avoid is a bunch of gold diggers that displayed their intentions very early.

He encouraged high expectation, they obliged......he got cold feet and was stuck on how to reset their expectation to a level he could comfortably accomodate.....enter the Tvisa give no money 'experts'....it would appear he now just wants free sex with the lady.....no?

wow.....sex without money!.......crime of the century.........sounds like you have been in thailand too long.

and you still didn't answer how you know if posters are single or no?

You are single

[slipperylobster]

Well free sex still beats wanking....no?

Not always, I do recall one occasion where sex wasn't that good!

I can also tell you, paid for sex can be lot more satisfying than free sex, paid for masturbation can be more satisfying than self pleasure, in fact the 'free' part is rather unimportant if you can afford to experiment, so 'free sex' does not naturally 'beat' anything, unless your pleasure is not derived from the sex but the fact that you are getting it for 'free'!

I consider it as being "self employed"

Saving money spent on sex, that is. I just sleep on my arm first.

Save just as much as they make....

[Ajaan]

You said her parents own a prominent business. Then mentioned that it was a shop and that the girl is the #1 employee and works 12 hours a day and are there even any other employees? Then you say her uncle is a tuk tuk driver.

Now I am really starting to understand on Thai Visa why I keep reading over and over again "my wife is upper middle class. Her parents have a prominent business" what that means and what qualifies... I realize now that the farang writing these posts are delusional and create alternate realities to suit their egos.

Her mom owns a beauty saloon. They cut hair. I am in there every day and they are busy. Maybe 15 customers a day. Some are just shampoo for 200 Baht but quite a few are hairstyles and colors that go from 1500 Baht and up. So it is not like they are selling used equipment trying to get rich. What would you consider this business?

They have no other employees

200 baht for a shampoo?! In Chiang Mai? And coloring STARTING from 1500? No, I don't think so. Shampoo is no more than 100 and color starts at 500 IN BANGKOK. Unless of course the shop is in a tourist area and only has farang customers.

[thaibeachlovers]

I do like balance in these things, so since the majority here are in favor of suggesting that the female in question is only after your money, let me paint an alternate picture, from personal experience:

I met my wife ten years ago, we lived together for a year before holding a forgiveness ceremony at the home of her parents, this was to apologize for living together outside of marriage - we were not engaged either, there was no financial aspect to this small ceremony other than to make a donation to the monks.

By the second year I'd decided the relationship was going to be long term and since I was flushed at the time I offered to build her parents a house, our self managed 80 sq metre build project cost about 500,000. Why did I do that? Because I wanted to give something back and if the relationship had finished the following week I would still have been OK with it all. And I also funded a shop they built in their garden, I spent 10,000 baht to stock the shop after it was built and they took it from there.

Today the family's quality of life is substantially improved over what it was when I first met them and I get a lot of satisfaction from that - they were dirt poor when we first met, seriously impoverished.

Around year four we decided to get married and this involved a ceremony at the family home and sin-sod - sin-sod in this case was a cheque for a million baht with the words INVALID written across it, it served it's purpose of show and face at the ceremony.

My financial commitment to the family (who are extremely poor) involve me paying their electric bill every month and this is typically under 1,000 baht, I voluntarily give them a further 4,000 baht and this is usually returned to us in some shape or form throughout the year, I don't keep track.

My wife works at an upmarket hotel and earns decent money, I pay for all living expenses and she self funds whatever her needs might be - infrequent exceptional items get discussed fully, sometimes they get funded, sometimes they don't. Family crisis occurs about twice a year and their remedy gets discussed and agreed also.

Last year my wife paid for our trip to Bali, this year I plan to buy her a new car, I trust my wife more than anyone else on the planet and the commitment has been tested (by circumstance) more ways than I care to think and she has always passed with flying colours.

So there we have it, I wonder how many of the posters thus far who advocate running a mile have actually experienced a relationship in Thailand that was financially negative or how much of popular opinion is borrowed from the next bar stool or urban myth. And of those that have endured failed relationships that caused financial loss, does that person admit to knowing the real reasons for it? It's easy to say that I lost all my money to a Thai woman because that's the way they are, money grabbing etc. It's harder to say the relationship failed because, I was promiscuous, lacked commitment to making the relationship work, was only present for ten per cent of the time with the remaining ninety per cent being spent at work and/or overseas with my wife, and so on and so on, the reasons for this are legion.

If you substituted "western woman" for "Thai woman" would you have bought houses and supported her family?

<a forgiveness ceremony>

<Because I wanted to give something back> For what? Other than producing the child that became the woman, exactly what did they do for you that warranted giving them 510,000 baht?

<they were dirt poor when we first met,>

There are millions and millions of dirt poor people in the world. Is it your mission in life to make them all wealthy?

<this year I plan to buy her a new car,>

No doubt examples of farangs like you have become legend among Thai people. People like you are responsible for the Thais that tell my wife that she shouldn't have to work because she a married a farang, and my bitter SIL because I won't give her money, despite her being well off.

[Riverman63]

Wanting to spend quality time with someone is human nature, nothing to do with culture.... if she's avoiding that and hiding behind excuses, however plausible they may sound... then she simply isn't that bothered about spending time with you.

Good luck

This is the one nugget of truth everyone should remember. Sums up the situation with my ex Thai gf. And we met and live in the UK. If she keeps giving you excuses about why she can't do things like going for a meal, cinema, being seen with out with you in public, staying over etc then walk away now, very fast as she is hiding things from you. I took a long time to realise this.

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa app

[sdshaman]

Well, OP. 16 odd pages. What are you going to do?

I met with her family and told them that since she refuses to spend time with me alone that I was not going to open the bank anymore. She said "we can spend time together at the beach in 2 weeks. Just pay for my family to go" I told her that I wasn't going to spend money on a trip where we would have no alone time. I kind of feel like an ass but I insisted that the only way the relationship would work is if she made time for me. I told her I wasn't going to sit around CM for 10 days so we could have a family vacation... without any alone time. She gave me back the ring and asked how much of the money I wanted back. I left and then 10 minutes later she is skyping me begging me to come back to the relationship. Probably being pressed by parents i am sure. I told her I really wanted a relationship with her but it couldn't be based on money. She said OK then come buy me gold and I will take off work tomorrow.??? Sorry babe I am not going to buy you a baht of gold to spend the day with you.

[louse1953]

This has setup written all over it.Get out while you can.Would you do this in the west,you have your traditions too you know,it is not a one way steet.

[sdshaman]

Wanting to spend quality time with someone is human nature, nothing to do with culture.... if she's avoiding that and hiding behind excuses, however plausible they may sound... then she simply isn't that bothered about spending time with you.

Good luck

This is the one nugget of truth everyone should remember. Sums up the situation with my ex Thai gf. And we met and live in the UK. If she keeps giving you excuses about why she can't do things like going for a meal, cinema, being seen with out with you in public, staying over etc then walk away now, very fast as she is hiding things from you. I took a long time to realise this.

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa app

She says she will spend time with me at her shop or with her family... That just isn't going to work for me. I walked with a little recovery, then she quickly started begging me to come back... Said if I wanted a relationship with her I needed to spend 20,000 baht on gold for her. lol... maybe I would if she would spend 20 minutes with me!

Edited January 5, 2014 by sdshaman

[RigPig]

The irony is if you didn't give her any money, tried harder to "finger" her during alone time and sneered at her mum every-time she opened her fat mouth this girl would find you both mysterious and exotic.

The real trick to winning a Thai girls heart is to negate everything they say with ไม่ Mai (not or no). "go eat rice"..."not go eat rice", "pay money family"... "not pay money family"...

-here's where it get's complicated, but the words start to touch her heart: "you not love me, you not care me"..."I not not love you, I not not care you".

A double negative as shown in the statement above, confirms a neutral to mildly positive state of affection towards her but leaves room for her to try and win you around.

You have to keep her in this state whereby she's trying to win you around for the term of your relationship or it's game over.

Disclosure: prefer wanking, hands don't talk back

she begged me to come back to the relationship. I asked her if she really wanted it and she said yes. Then she said when I was ready to come see her? wait a minute... she is begging me and then acting like I was just begging her??

Something may be getting lost in translation here .....

Just tell her you want her to come to your hotel alone for a meal so that you can talk together alone........

And see what transpires, it may just be that they don't want to return the money and want to smooth you over, use it !!!

[msealey]

Well, OP. 16 odd pages. What are you going to do?

I met with her family and told them that since she refuses to spend time with me alone that I was not going to open the bank anymore. She said "we can spend time together at the beach in 2 weeks. Just pay for my family to go" I told her that I wasn't going to spend money on a trip where we would have no alone time. I kind of feel like an ass but I insisted that the only way the relationship would work is if she made time for me. I told her I wasn't going to sit around CM for 10 days so we could have a family vacation... without any alone time. She gave me back the ring and asked how much of the money I wanted back. I left and then 10 minutes later she is skyping me begging me to come back to the relationship. Probably being pressed by parents i am sure. I told her I really wanted a relationship with her but it couldn't be based on money. She said OK then come buy me gold and I will take off work tomorrow.??? Sorry babe I am not going to buy you a baht of gold to spend the day with you.

Did you ask for ALL the money back!!!?? see how far you get with it and post back.

[sdshaman]

This has setup written all over it.Get out while you can.Would you do this in the west,you have your traditions too you know,it is not a one way steet.

She said that if I pay for a worker to replace her (30000 baht for the month) that she would spend every day with me. Last time she mentioned this it was only 20,000??? I actually offered to do that and then she said that she didn't trust worker understand her mother. So always an excuse!

[RigPig]

This has setup written all over it.Get out while you can.Would you do this in the west,you have your traditions too you know,it is not a one way steet.

She said that if I pay for a worker to replace her (30000 baht for the month) that she would spend every day with me. Last time she mentioned this it was only 20,000??? I actually offered to do that and then she said that she didn't trust worker understand her mother. So always an excuse!

Agree to it but only pay after the month is over.......maybe

Edited January 5, 2014 by RigPig

[Scottythai]

This has setup written all over it.Get out while you can.Would you do this in the west,you have your traditions too you know,it is not a one way steet.

She said that if I pay for a worker to replace her (30000 baht for the month) that she would spend every day with me. Last time she mentioned this it was only 20,000??? I actually offered to do that and then she said that she didn't trust worker understand her mother. So always an excuse!

Chick who cuts my hair in Bangkok is good. She gets 12k a month and tips on top. Your GF is trying to get more cash from you. Just walk away man. Go find a new one

[msealey]

This has setup written all over it.Get out while you can.Would you do this in the west,you have your traditions too you know,it is not a one way steet.

She said that if I pay for a worker to replace her (30000 baht for the month) that she would spend every day with me. Last time she mentioned this it was only 20,000??? I actually offered to do that and then she said that she didn't trust worker understand her mother. So always an excuse!

It's a positive sign things could be working out, a months salaries probably worth around 10k. Before when you asked her to spend a day with you she said she'd do it for 2 months salary. Now she's implying that she'd be happy to give up 12 hour days in the shop and spend time with you but she wants twice the money as her current job.

[473geo]

This has setup written all over it.Get out while you can.Would you do this in the west,you have your traditions too you know,it is not a one way steet.

She said that if I pay for a worker to replace her (30000 baht for the month) that she would spend every day with me. Last time she mentioned this it was only 20,000??? I actually offered to do that and then she said that she didn't trust worker understand her mother. So always an excuse!

Chick who cuts my hair in Bangkok is good. She gets 12k a month and tips on top. Your GF is trying to get more cash from you. Just walk away man. Go find a new one

Does a good trim, layer, colour, perm and blow dry style on you does she?

[sdshaman]

The irony is if you didn't give her any money, tried harder to "finger" her during alone time and sneered at her mum every-time she opened her fat mouth this girl would find you both mysterious and exotic.

The real trick to winning a Thai girls heart is to negate everything they say with ไม่ Mai (not or no). "go eat rice"..."not go eat rice", "pay money family"... "not pay money family"...

-here's where it get's complicated, but the words start to touch her heart: "you not love me, you not care me"..."I not not love you, I not not care you".

A double negative as shown in the statement above, confirms a neutral to mildly positive state of affection towards her but leaves room for her to try and win you around.

You have to keep her in this state whereby she's trying to win you around for the term of your relationship or it's game over.

Disclosure: prefer wanking, hands don't talk back

she begged me to come back to the relationship. I asked her if she really wanted it and she said yes. Then she said when I was ready to come see her? wait a minute... she is begging me and then acting like I was just begging her??

Something may be getting lost in translation here .....

Just tell her you want her to come to your hotel alone for a meal so that you can talk together alone........

And see what transpires, it may just be that they don't want to return the money and want to smooth you over, use it !!!

Yeah I already did that... no reply... I told her that if she made an effort to make it feel like a relationship I would buy her all the gold she wanted. You know I could put up with her and all she is but it is when my relationship with her turns into a relationship with her mother that I can't take! We talk and everything is good, her mother barks and then she is asking for money again! Guess where their retirement just went...

[sdshaman]

This has setup written all over it.Get out while you can.Would you do this in the west,you have your traditions too you know,it is not a one way steet.

She said that if I pay for a worker to replace her (30000 baht for the month) that she would spend every day with me. Last time she mentioned this it was only 20,000??? I actually offered to do that and then she said that she didn't trust worker understand her mother. So always an excuse!

It's a positive sign things could be working out, a months salaries probably worth around 10k. Before when you asked her to spend a day with you she said she'd do it for 2 months salary. Now she's implying that she'd be happy to give up 12 hour days in the shop and spend time with you but she wants twice the money as her current job.

Yeah, because her mom woulnt work, she would vacation with the money. She would have to OTW the girl would still be worried sick all day that her mom wasn't being taken care of.

[sdshaman]

This has setup written all over it.Get out while you can.Would you do this in the west,you have your traditions too you know,it is not a one way steet.

She said that if I pay for a worker to replace her (30000 baht for the month) that she would spend every day with me. Last time she mentioned this it was only 20,000??? I actually offered to do that and then she said that she didn't trust worker understand her mother. So always an excuse!

Chick who cuts my hair in Bangkok is good. She gets 12k a month and tips on top. Your GF is trying to get more cash from you. Just walk away man. Go find a new one

yeah I did that! then she quickly texted me wanting me to come back. Said that if I bought her a baht of gold that she would take the day off tomorrow to spend with me. lol

[BarneyRubble]

I have to be perfectly honest with you, I should have not wasted my time writing on this thread. You don't honestly seem like a late 30's man, you seem like a young boy who has mistaken love for rejected attachment. By listening to people on this thread in many cases, you will become more confused. We are only reading what you have detailed and even this may have been lost in translation and then to add you are reading threads from people who have experienced good and bad relationships but mainly bad. You either live in love or fear, its that simple. Do not misunderstand this, don't be foolish and blind on the way. You seem like you have far too many doubts now, my best advice is to deal with this with your own heart, your intuition will lead you, you just have to follow it!

[jomcondo]

This has setup written all over it.Get out while you can.Would you do this in the west,you have your traditions too you know,it is not a one way steet.

She said that if I pay for a worker to replace her (30000 baht for the month) that she would spend every day with me. Last time she mentioned this it was only 20,000??? I actually offered to do that and then she said that she didn't trust worker understand her mother. So always an excuse!

Chick who cuts my hair in Bangkok is good. She gets 12k a month and tips on top. Your GF is trying to get more cash from you. Just walk away man. Go find a new one

yeah I did that! then she quickly texted me wanting me to come back. Said that if I bought her a baht of gold that she would take the day off tomorrow to spend with me. lol

at least you are getting a good lesson in how shockingly mercenary some of these people are.

[Scottythai]

This has setup written all over it.Get out while you can.Would you do this in the west,you have your traditions too you know,it is not a one way steet.

She said that if I pay for a worker to replace her (30000 baht for the month) that she would spend every day with me. Last time she mentioned this it was only 20,000??? I actually offered to do that and then she said that she didn't trust worker understand her mother. So always an excuse!

Chick who cuts my hair in Bangkok is good. She gets 12k a month and tips on top. Your GF is trying to get more cash from you. Just walk away man. Go find a new one

yeah I did that! then she quickly texted me wanting me to come back. Said that if I bought her a baht of gold that she would take the day off tomorrow to spend with me. lol

1 baht of gold = 18.5k Baht. For one day of being together ..... Have fun man

[sdshaman]

This has setup written all over it.Get out while you can.Would you do this in the west,you have your traditions too you know,it is not a one way steet.

haha, but it is only a one way street... theirs! Like a couple of other posts mentioned, My concerns fly right past them like they never even her. Only thing running is their program. And they just see me as a talking buffalo.

[jcore]

Hi, I have read every post to this thread. My two cents:

1. I find it odd that this girl doesn't want to spend every possible moment with you. You came half way around the world to be with her, share laughs, be intimate (even if just kissing and holding hands). Has to be a HUGE signal that she's so stand-of-ish. The mom is controling her and what future can that hold?

2. Seems like her grasp of written and oral English is fairly good so, like others, either she's a gifted linguist or has had a lot of practice with other English speakers. Drop the money and hire a PI, if at the minimums for you're piece of mind. Lord knows they are playing you so why not be SMART and do a a little playing back.

3. I find it crazy you want to rush into a marriage, do like others and be patient and let things work their way out over time. No way part with any more money.

4. I'm no life coach but with you're careere, and travel schedule of being on different locations for months at a time, why do u want the extra headaches. That is unless you have larger plans to settle down more. Anyway surely you're no dummy and are thinking about this.

5. My suggestion is take what u can and explain you're cultural differences and scramble. Gamble your money on red or black at roulette, the chance of winning is higher.

6. You are smart to poll the audience here on TV like u did, hopefully will help in YOU'RE decision that YOU must live with.

7. Go with you're gutt, make a decision and let us know when the movie comes out.

Best of luck!

[jomcondo]

This has setup written all over it.Get out while you can.Would you do this in the west,you have your traditions too you know,it is not a one way steet.

haha, but it is only a one way street... theirs! Like a couple of other posts mentioned, My concerns fly right past them like they never even her. Only thing running is their program. And they just see me as a talking buffalo.

Hey little piggie...I WILL take your wallet, I WILL drain you dry..., you will spoil ME and you will get trained to be My perfect human ATM

[louse1953]

OP, I'm sorry pal but what an earth are you doing? You've met a girl online then the next minute you're giving her and every other Tom, Dick and Harry in her family money and gold at every corner.

If you met a girl in your native country would you give in to her demands of gold and money and paying from day trips out all time, I bet you wouldn't, so why do it in Thailand of all places???

Screw traditions! Why or why is it that soooo many blokes fall into problems like this. It's insane!! You're not the first and you won't be the last.

Hope you manage to work things out and for god sake stop buying gold and keep your money in your pocket, if she really loves you gold and money aren't important, right?

Oh and just to add - for the chance that this is a troll post - it's a decent read, a solid 8/10.

As long as you have the money you will be ok,after it's gone,you will be very insecure,if you are there at all.Take your time mate,plenty of time.Every good scam is pushed along in haste.slow it right down and put a hold on the purse strings.