I’m meeting the gf’s parents on Sunday. They are worried that I don’t have a job

[elzach]

Go to Asia Books and buy one of the books on Thai lifestyle and marriage to a Thai girl.

Been here 28 yrs and heard about every story imaginable!

Never heard of a farang meeting the family without going out for a meal

and you know who is paying for it, the farang!

The family could care less about you as long as the money keeps coming in!

Gone with ladies all the way from the bars and massages all the way up to nurses

and office girls. Even if you get married to this lady you will never know the full story

on her life! It is such a secret society that most of us do not ever learn about!

They will keep their boyfriends and husbands even if married to you and

you take her to another country. They even send money back to them that you do not know about!

Stop giving her money and you will be history in a heart beat!

Don't get me wrong, some of them have feelings, but behind that big smile and those slanted eyes,

lookout.! That clever little mind is thinking all the time!

Thai values are different than farang but farang are always trying to change the Thai girls

into our way of thinking and life!

I have never heard of a 'well to do' Thai lady wanting to marry a farang!

Think of it as Sex and money and you will be much further ahead and

you will still have a bank a account!

Men have never been treated so well and the ladies and their families

are living the high life!

Two to three months; no way!!

I have been here much longer then you and I think most of what you say is a crock of sh*t!

I agree, Thai girls (whom one knows for 2-3 months) and their families are innocent angels when it comes to marriage

[HeavyDrinker]

My Wife's father paid me to take her off his hands. Actually he took me out to the Rose and Crown and got me mullered, but you haven't heard the noise she makes when she performs her morning 'toilet'....

[Toscano]

My grandfather said to my mother " Marry for Love , but mind that you love where there's money ".

In Thailand MONEY is love , however much your girlfriend loves you , money is of far greater importance .

One assumes that as the son of a Dr and having been a consultant , you are a gentleman ; you shouldn't have the slightest concern about meeting the girl's parents . School teachers are renowned money grubbers , along with policemen always have more luxuary homes than their salary would allow .

1 million is to my thinking an excessive sum for bride price ; but money and gold are all about prestige , show the friends and neighbours .

At a Thai wedding the major feature is displaying the gold and counting out the money for all to see . Your gf is single , but not necessarily a virgin ,

if you are living together , you are effectively married , no need to pay a bride price at all . ( Quote my father-in-law , former headman/village sage ,

re his grandson already living with a gf ) I never paid a bride price , nor would I , my wife was then 45yrs with two adult children . We never had a Thai wedding , we married at a neighbouring amphur by ourselves and didn't tell anyone till about a week later .

Your gf is only your gf , you have nothing to worry about , your approach to the family should be charming , superior , take it or leave it .

Be warned , however much she loves you , MONEY will always reign supreme .

[speedtripler]

a million seems steep... are you sure she's being straight with you?

as for meeting the parents, be yourself - assuming you're not a drunken slob...

the worrying thing is third party advice; thai's a renown for listening to and taking on board friends and family advice that can be given more put of jealousy or spite than a genuine desire to be constructive and helpful. the only hope you have is that your GF is independently minded enough to make her own decisions. good luck.

Agree that One Million seems steep for me to. My Wife is University Educated as well and I paid 200,000 Baht, which I could afford. Her younger sister just got married to a Thai and hers was the same as mine. But I think they offered them more Gold as well.

To help solve your unemployment problem, invest in a Good Gold Ring and then Watch, if you can afford both. Thais see Gold as the same as seeing Money. So as long as they see your Gold Ring, they will know you have money and not worry anymore. Believe Me! They will be more impressed with your Gold Ring than a bunch of Diploma's from a Man who isn't working.

gold plated then ? if hes not a jeweller he wont know the differnce and its a nice insurance policy if they are trying to

fleece another stupid farang

[harrry]

Forget all this stuff about sinsot. How people handle that varies among Thais too.

What worries me about this is the immediate tell that he is to meet her parents and they will not be providing the basic respect that is required of them for any guest of offering a meal. This ( and that you gf accepts this) to my mind says it all.

Edited January 18, 2014 by harrry

[BlackJack]

make a few contracts and then have them sign them to let them know youre serious and that they should be too

Edited January 18, 2014 by BlackJack

[speedtripler]

you should be interviewing them before getting involved -not the other way around

[atyclb]

OK OP, I have been to a few of these meetings. NOT because of me but because of Mrs.Trans.

In Thai culture it is a special occasion. Food, booze, but above all the presence of family hierarchy, you all sit, eat, drink and discuss stuff.

For sin sod to be put forward to you at this early stage is rolox and was put forward by your lady.

I would never have said I was retired. You are a Consultant of some sort, yes ?. Your income could be explained as YOU are a Consultant and hence your monthly income. Easy really.........

In thai culture are the rules the same for Mrs. Trans versus the op's gf who is a real woman?

[transam]

OK OP, I have been to a few of these meetings. NOT because of me but because of Mrs.Trans.

In Thai culture it is a special occasion. Food, booze, but above all the presence of family hierarchy, you all sit, eat, drink and discuss stuff.

For sin sod to be put forward to you at this early stage is rolox and was put forward by your lady.

I would never have said I was retired. You are a Consultant of some sort, yes ?. Your income could be explained as YOU are a Consultant and hence your monthly income. Easy really.........

In thai culture are the rules the same for Mrs. Trans versus the op's gf who is a real woman?

Sorry don't understand your post. Can you expand on it please..

[speedtripler]

OK OP, I have been to a few of these meetings. NOT because of me but because of Mrs.Trans.

In Thai culture it is a special occasion. Food, booze, but above all the presence of family hierarchy, you all sit, eat, drink and discuss stuff.

For sin sod to be put forward to you at this early stage is rolox and was put forward by your lady.

I would never have said I was retired. You are a Consultant of some sort, yes ?. Your income could be explained as YOU are a Consultant and hence your monthly income. Easy really.........

In thai culture are the rules the same for Mrs. Trans versus the op's gf who is a real woman?

Sorry don't understand your post. Can you expand on it please..

i think he wants to know if you have to pay a sinsod to marry a ladyboy

[atyclb]

OK OP, I have been to a few of these meetings. NOT because of me but because of Mrs.Trans.

In Thai culture it is a special occasion. Food, booze, but above all the presence of family hierarchy, you all sit, eat, drink and discuss stuff.

For sin sod to be put forward to you at this early stage is rolox and was put forward by your lady.

I would never have said I was retired. You are a Consultant of some sort, yes ?. Your income could be explained as YOU are a Consultant and hence your monthly income. Easy really.........

In thai culture are the rules the same for Mrs. Trans versus the op's gf who is a real woman?

Sorry don't understand your post. Can you expand on it please..

my mistake. i thought Mrs. Trans was an abbreviated way of saying transgender. now i notice it seems to be an abbreviated transam.

[transam]

OK OP, I have been to a few of these meetings. NOT because of me but because of Mrs.Trans.

In Thai culture it is a special occasion. Food, booze, but above all the presence of family hierarchy, you all sit, eat, drink and discuss stuff.

For sin sod to be put forward to you at this early stage is rolox and was put forward by your lady.

I would never have said I was retired. You are a Consultant of some sort, yes ?. Your income could be explained as YOU are a Consultant and hence your monthly income. Easy really.........

In thai culture are the rules the same for Mrs. Trans versus the op's gf who is a real woman?

Sorry don't understand your post. Can you expand on it please..

my mistake. i thought Mrs. Trans was an abbreviated way of saying transgender. now i notice it seems to be an abbreviated transam.

OK , those who know me or read a lot here/post call me Trans, so it has stuck.........

[sirchai]

imo that's way too fast. give it some time, whirlwind romance you might say but the fact

she was sharing emails with her thai cousin would surely acivate my alram bells

you have to agree some sort of coaching might be involved here

i bet meeting the parents was never your idea.

regardless, you don't need anyone's approval if the both of you are really in love

back off a little & see what conspires, take a breather, no one can fault that

good luck

Some people take weeks deciding on a new car, others visit the showroom and buy within days.

Buying a wife in Thailand is exactly the same.

Take her for a test drive, and if you like the ride, buy.

For me, marriage was agreed within 1 week of first meeting, and purchase completed in 3, 4th anniversary next month.

Must have been love at first sight then.

Meeting a woman and marrying after one week's just insane, my mother had told me, when I was young...listen closely my only son....

When will people understand that you can't buy love, or friends? But I'm sure your one loves you too much.....

[Morakot]

OP, I don't really understand your concern.

You have an income and a pension of some sort. Does this not count as a "job"? Now all you need to do is print some new calling cards that announce your freelance consultancy and you'll be ready to meet the lovely folks. Garnish with a story about your new plan to branch out into the Thai market of what not and you be treated like their own son.

Edited January 18, 2014 by Morakot

[davidst01]

I’m the OP who raised this thread and am genuinely impressed with the quality of the responses / opinions. I found 90% of the responses to be helpful and one must expect a proportion of troll replies on every topic raised on this forum.

I am still a bit ‘green’ as I’ve only lived here a few years but read with interest many prudent comments which will inevitably help my cause. I could relate personally to many posts and have learnt some new things.

The 1m sinsot was only discussed briefly in passing when we were talking about Thai traditions vs western traditions. I should have been clearer about this when raising this topic because many posters have made some inaccurate assumptions.

At my ripe old age I know that love takes time. Although we are clearly in the honeymoon period at the moment, I want to see what happens as time goes on. I need more time before committing to this relationship. One thing I know for sure is that this girl is quality and has a good heart.

Many thanks for your comments.

[Chonburilady]

Hi im from Germany

I can say run away.... quick, enjoy time with Gf and spend time look for another who really loves you and no have focus on big money

Sinsod is for Thai with Thai and not Thai married Farlang, money finished gf will leave you for new sponsor

before had lady like you... she come from Thai university, make like madam and later want support 30.000 THB every month

For me I get boring take away lady from Bar, stay few days and go back europe

I like she, and lady talk to me no sinsod, make paperwork and I go with you...no married party, nothings !

I not like boyfriend loose money ! After 7 weeks I come back Thailand only one time for 1 month,

she show me family and we make paperwork for embassy....I promise family not boxing daughter no drink whisky and no smooking

She my wife now, we stay together long time in germany, no have any problems with...5000 THB she send every month to Thailand thats ok

Problem can starting here many Lady Thai dont want hear and understand:

In Thailand you are expected to support yourself and your family.

but in Germany goverment change law for no limit stay permit,

before financial stability and income from husband for support family and wife was important

bur now Wife have to show Immigration after 3 years,SHE have job and income, can speak german and can support yourself to get no limit stay permit.

Immigration dont want to know, what husband do, have money work for support or stay home, not important !!!!.

If wife cant show after 3 years to immigration, can speak german, can support yourself,

then wife have to run all 6 - 12 month to immigration for get new stay permit

I talk clear about this new rules with my girl friend before we married and she understand and accept.

Good luck for you

[steven100]

write a cheque from a dead cheque book for 10,000,000 and have it framed in a gold frame so everyone

can gloat over it at the wedding

if thyere going to give it back anyway ,what differnce does it make ?

2-3 months asking for a million sounds like theyre playing you for a farang to see how much they can get

this "girl" is nearly 30 and the other guy didnt want her either or hed have made a bit more of an effort to play ball

I gotta say this was the best one I read so far ....

I just cracked up reading this or what if he just adds another zero on and really see the eye's pop out of pappa's head

Edited January 18, 2014 by steven100

[Chonburilady]

One thing I know for sure is that this girl is quality and has a good heart.

Yes and no believe me and the education from Thai Lady is nothings worth if you take she in your home country

Lady can have big Thailand University education or can have low education like lady working farmer or working Bar

if she go with you in your home country she will get only job for cleaning house or restaurant, believe me

[geriatrickid]

When I read posts like this, I congratulate myself on avoiding the meeting with my ex's parents. Unnecessary aggravation that I did without.

[transam]

When I read posts like this, I congratulate myself on avoiding the meeting with my ex's parents. Unnecessary aggravation that I did without.

Must admit there was noooooooooooo meeting in my case. The now Mrs.Trans was a long time divorced, soooooooooo her mum was very happy that perhaps her daughter, who suffered at the hands of an <deleted>, that perhaps she found someone to treat her like a lady and not have to worry about a regular beating.

I can report that mum is quite happy now.

[Toscano]

Thailand is full of pretty girls who are looking to marry a foreigner , MONEY is always the chief objective , security and a walking ATM .

2 to 3 months is too soon to be thinking about marriage . I corresponded with my wife for a year before coming to meet her . After I had bought BT100,000

worth of gold she permitted me to make love and take her for a 2 week seaside holiday . The following year , after 2 more visits and rebuilding her kitchen and bathroom , she came to stay at my home in Italy . Later that year I rebuilt the rest of her house as a gentlemans residence , early the next year

after 2yrs we married privately with no family fuss or bother . My wife is head teacher of a school . I feel you are rushing into something you know little

about , you need to be around Thailand for longer , it isn't all it seems ," The Land of Smiles " ha ha ha , for unwary foreigners who meet pretty girls

much younger than themselves and think they're in heaven . Play It Cool Man !!!

[FiftyTwo]

imo that's way too fast. give it some time, whirlwind romance you might say but the fact

she was sharing emails with her thai cousin would surely acivate my alram bells

you have to agree some sort of coaching might be involved here

i bet meeting the parents was never your idea.

regardless, you don't need anyone's approval if the both of you are really in love

back off a little & see what conspires, take a breather, no one can fault that

good luck

Some people take weeks deciding on a new car, others visit the showroom and buy within days.

Buying a wife in Thailand is exactly the same.

Take her for a test drive, and if you like the ride, buy.

For me, marriage was agreed within 1 week of first meeting, and purchase completed in 3, 4th anniversary next month.

Must have been love at first sight then.

Meeting a woman and marrying after one week's just insane, my mother had told me, when I was young...listen closely my only son....

When will people understand that you can't buy love, or friends? But I'm sure your one loves you too much.....

My mother lied to me too.

Women lie, men need to understand that.

Edited January 18, 2014 by FiftyTwo

[Chonburilady]

When I read posts like this, I congratulate myself on avoiding the meeting with my ex's parents. Unnecessary aggravation that I did without.

But thats true, if lady stay in home country by boyfriend, she will wake up hard from dream,

1. cant work because not speak local language

2. education from Thailand not accepted in home country from boyfriend

3. she get job like cleaning house or work in restaurant

4. what will Thai lady with big education do in bpyfriend home country if get only poor job like lady from bar or working farmer ?

she divorce and go back Thailand or look for new men in your home country who have big money to take care she and family

and after money finished she will leave him and the game starting new.

Be careful

[marko kok prong]

i paid a big sin sot to my wife,as her mother was dead she explained she would keep it,she brought land etc, i was not happy about it but i love her and could afford it,and this is the key,if you can afford it okay,but if not do not pay it,as for getting it back,well,when i lend money to members of my wife's family i make it very clear it is a loan,i recently lent a large amount to my brother in law and we drew up a contract in front of the village chief,he suggested the interest he would pay on the loan[far higher than the bank],and i don't look a gift horse in the mouth so agreed,this allowed them to build a house in the village,as although they make good money selling fruit,it would have been difficult for them to raise the capitol,so everyone is happy,but just to give 1 mil,on the verbal agreement they will give it back,well, that is a hell of a risk,unless as i say you can financially shrug it off if it is not returned,unless you have a contract drawn up and this would be viewed by her family as you did not trust them,so a bit of a conundrum,also i would insist that all wedding costs come from the sin sot,and you do not pay on top for that,this is the thing in thailand really,if you are percieved as wealthy they expect you to look after those of the family{ ie;all of them} less wealthy,as has been stated many times you have to realise you are marrying not just her but the family and as pu yai,it will be inexplicable to them if you do not help out, after all most think that in falang land we get up in the morning and pick money off the trees, whilst trained monkeys scamper around cooking and cleaning

[Straight8]

The 1m sinsot was only discussed briefly in passing when we were talking about Thai traditions vs western traditions. I should have been clearer about this when raising this topic because many posters have made some inaccurate assumptions.

Rest assured its the starting point and it will be set in stone, that you can bank on.

You have been here a few year? You sure don't sound like you have.

[vikingfromnorth]

No job. for usre they want to be sure you can give them money the rest of your life.

I am wondering when foreigners find out that thais want them for their money in 99% of the cases ?

Thais women love our money- only forget all others things..

There are also many stories about thai women who have farang BF or marry him,that they have a thai beside.. these sotries are not unusual.

After come to Thailand in many yars - I wil never involve myself with a thai family - forget all that about to have a marriage/relationship in " western style"

They are so b rainwashed about their own culture.. that they are not interested in our culture att all.

save yourself many worries. dont do it

[umbanda]

Her parents concern is valid. The dowry is valid. Your girl friend sounds like a honest and independent woman, and from a good family. If you will meet her family is because you are serious and in love, and you will have to show that to her parents. More of that, you are showing your interest in getting married with her. If you get married probably you will change your visa to marriage visa to stay in the country, and will need to show monthly income or money in the bank to immigration. If you have steady income coming from your country of more than 45000THB/month you also may need a statement from your Embassy translated to Thai. If you get that now and show it to your GF, she will pass the information to her parents and relatives and that will be enough for them. Many Thai teachers and professionals make that kind the money here and is an OK income.....With that information and telling them that you will look for business opportunities or investments here, or even a job in the future, probably her parents will feel more confident in your ability in be a provider for their daughter. My best wishes for you!

45000 baht per month is a salary realised ONLY by a Professor or Education Senior. I guarantee no ordinary Thai TEACHER has ever earnt 45K.

As an example of higher management salary, I have a Thai friend who works as a senior in a local health center connected with the local hospital and she earns 30K pm at age 40.

Business opportunities and investments...prey tell where the average ;'Farang' can enjoy the benefit of 'ownership' of such things here in Thailand and without 'jumping through hoops' to do so.

As for saying a dowry is valid, I can assure you most 'modern & emancipated' Thais, view the old dowry as distasteful, not least of all because it directly echoes the past when Thailand was barely more than a feudal Kingdom and the people truly submissive.

Your's is a text book account of how to procure an economically viable relationship but has absolutely nothing to do with the real emotions and feeling behind real love.

If the OP isn't put off enough already, let him not forget the old adage..... BUYER BEWARE !

We westerners some times, or most of the times, believes that our customs and traditions, even our religion, have to be the "normal" in this world, and that is totally wrong. Many tradition, in other cultures, not only makes sense, means a lot for the elders, and if somebody do not show respect and understanding for it, is enough for rejection and indifference. I am a Brazilian father of 2 grown women, already married. I was always worry about my daughters elections for future husband, and I believe than any concerned parent do. I gave my opinion about one of the candidates, and I am glad she listened. That guy still a punk. She now is married with a very nice guy. And that was in Brazil, a very open minded country.

In Thailand, if the bride's family is educated and conservative, will not just ask for sinsod, will give it back to the couple after marriage. In this case, the motive for her family concern is not just the future husband income, the reputation and future of their daughter is on the table. Thai men do not see with good eyes a single and young Thai woman dating a farang, or divorced from a farang, and if that happen, she will "out the list" for potential bride. His GF sound mature and educated, but may be also too young to understand parent's concerns. He is in his 40's. Her parents will glad to see him respecting the traditions, and I hope he is mature enough to understand why.

[fabphil]

Was the ex thai boyfriend a taxi motorbike rider

[menorah]

As for saying a dowry is valid, I can assure you most 'modern & emancipated' Thais, view the old dowry as distasteful, not least of all because it directly echoes the past when Thailand was barely more than a feudal Kingdom and the people truly submissive.

Absolute <deleted>, still very much a part of local tradition & culture, you're just imposing you own cultural programming making it into a moral issue.

I'm sure you DEFINE "modern & emancipated" this way, but in fact in my experience only poor rural Thais are willing to go along with such crazy foreign notions because they know they'll more than make up for the loss down the road.

Gonads aside, I was told this by Thai friends who thought the dowry idea was out of place in a modern Thailand and found it distasteful.

Indeed, 'In your experience, 'the poor, impoverished rural Thais' ! Ah yes, they'd be the same poor rural Thais who send their daughter 'Down South' to 'service' all the nasty Farang with all their crazy notions. Yes, they may well go along with the idea because, as you imply, they suck the farang dry over the following months or years....but never mind, farang are rich & stupid and the Thai farmers are too poor and stupid to understand things like self respect.

While we're at it, Wym..... imposing cultural programming ! Hummm, yes I think I might accept I'm culturally programmed. In fact, my sense of identity may well derive there too. However, I'm not imposing it upon anyone....certainly not the poor Thai farmers, since they're too 'stoney broke' too afford a computer and read my scribbling....least not while they're pissed on Lau Kow.

Maybe it;s just me but I get the feeling you're one of those expats who've become a local village Poo Yai, organised the plebs into a thriving cooperative and is now feted for his beneficent manner and embrace of all things Thai. Better answer your mobile...I can hear it playing the Thai national anthem !

[wprime]

The culturally correct thing to do is to pretend you have a job.