I'll tell you why

[simple1]

Wow, great! All except the last paragraph. Sounds to me like you have found a subservient, house servant rather than a wife. So I can only gather she is the exact opposite of your previous spouse. Thus you enjoy living here?

Maybe I am reading too much into this but you have less a marriage, but more a owner/servant relationship. But if it works for you excellent, and I fully agree it is a good reason to be living here.

Cheers.

i can see how it reads like that. believe me the relationship goes both ways. i certainly have my choirs and responsibilities. i was only trying to highlight how great she treats me and keep the spotlight off myself. its not the case like on another thread that i call up stairs for her to come down and open my beer, if i did i would have it being broken over my head. .

and no prior marriages

Surely your wife obtains pleasure from providing for you day to day; I know my wife does and as you infer it's reciprocated.

I've noticed in a few other topics Western men referring to Thai females as 'submissive', certainly not my experience

[HardenedSoul]

Wow, great! All except the last paragraph. Sounds to me like you have found a subservient, house servant rather than a wife. So I can only gather she is the exact opposite of your previous spouse. Thus you enjoy living here?

Maybe I am reading too much into this but you have less a marriage, but more a owner/servant relationship. But if it works for you excellent, and I fully agree it is a good reason to be living here.

I kinda thought that too.

A lot of men come here seeking what the OP has; a servile. compliant woman that will make them feel like a king in their own home in return for "taking care" - whatever that means.

Not my cup of tea but each to his own

[thailiketoo]

Thai women are like Arlo Guthrie said in his famous song Alice's restaurant.

You can get anything you want.

You can even get a woman who is a boy.

Or you can get a woman who is a woman.

No telling what else you all can get masquerading as women in Thailand.

But if you want it you can get it. Just ask me. I know.

You want em short you want em tall

It don't matter we got em all.

Dress em up like a doll or dress em not at all.

It don't matter we got em all.

We got em in German uniforms or candy stripers

We got em dressed like highland pipers.

Now I'd sing you the rest of the song but it gets a little adult so just listen to Arlo and imagine.

[desi]

My thanks goes to the OP for putting into words how I feel about Thailand (when I'm not pissed off).

Wow, great! All except the last paragraph. Sounds to me like you have found a subservient, house servant rather than a wife. So I can only gather she is the exact opposite of your previous spouse. Thus you enjoy living here?

Maybe I am reading too much into this but you have less a marriage, but more a owner/servant relationship. But if it works for you excellent, and I fully agree it is a good reason to be living here.

Cheers.

I might regret posting this but ...

A women who loves and cares about her husband is in no way a servant. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen in Asia, but I do believe that many in the west have lost the plot.

I'm western, as is my husband. We've been married over 20 years so this is not the 'first flush' of young love. This is a longtime lifestyle. I don't know the OP but if asked he just might agree that his relationship is nowhere near one-sided. Same as mine.

When the hubby comes home from work I have his pot of tea ready. On the weekends it's whisky and water. Dinner is delivered to him because he prefers to watch the news while eating. When he's presented with a problem I try to see how I can play my part in helping out. The toughest job I have is where I deal (using much kindness), with his extremely difficult mother.

If I get a craving (chocolate, wine, pumpkin seeds, whatever) without a word he jumps in the car and gets them for me. If I'm out of something for dinner he'll grab stuff on the way home from work. And because we live in Asia, he pays for a part-time maid who does a lot of the boring stuff.

He knows my likes and dislikes, as I do his, so we both manoeuvre to try and make sure there aren't major conflicts. Between the two of us, we have a lot in common so we are constantly talking about the news, new inventions, history, politics, whatever. His thirst for knowledge keeps my brain active. Alive.

I agree that some in the west (men and women) have forgotten (?) how a good marriage can work but please don't blame the men who come to Thailand to find someone to care about them in what is now known as the 'Asian way'.

And as for Thai women being 'submissive'. Hah! Dream on. My Thai girlfriends kick ass.

[seancbk]

AuntBob, you are a lucky man to have found such a great wife. The rest is just natural differences of culture that you either get used to, ignore or complain about when it gets too much.

Stay happy :-)

[SCARLETIBIS1]

One of the best posts I've read on TV. I said for New Year's resolution this year no more Thai bashing for me. After all what is the point, right. Then the first week back I have the phone card problem which I posted so I won't repeat but last week my Acer computer broke down so I took it to Acer. The looked at it and said it needed a new motherboard and a new hard drive, cost 5K baht. Ok, I said fix it. They said it would take two weeks. The next day I got a phone call and they said they didn't have the parts so they have to send it to Bangkok. It will now take 4 weeks and oh by the way you pay an extra 500 baht. Ok, I said fix it.

Two days later they text me that Bangkok does not have the parts (not sent yet) and that they have to order parts from overseas, extra cost to be another 500 baht. I said ok, fix it. The next day I get another text, so sorry we forgot to add the vat tax so cost to you is another 700 baht. I said, ok fix it. The next day I get yet another text, so sorry we forgot to add the labor fee, cost to you another 400 baht. I said f... it.

And the Thai apologists want to know we get pissed off. LOL No common sense or any business sense available in the land of scams

[duanebigsby]

What school in Thailand does not allow questions?

You obviously are not familiar with Thai pedagogy methods.

The teacher lectures and gives handouts.

The students must listen, take notes and memorize, preparing to regurgitate verbatim on the exams.

A student questioning the teacher is showing disrespect, implying the teacher isn't doing their job properly.

God forbid actually challenging any statements.

Makes things interesting when the students know more on a given topic than the teacher, as in many ICT classes.

Asking questions and questioning the teacher are two different things entirely. My students are always asking me things.

I agree the school system is deeply flawed, but there are many students who ask tons of stuff and genuinely want to learn.

As for the OP and the people who seem to feel the same way? Having total disdain and dislike for a country and its' people, but staying because it's cheap and you have a live-in cook/sex slave (wife) seems totally sexist and inappropriate.

[sydneyboy]

And if the day comes where she wises up and realizes she can do soo much better than me, I will be on the next plane out of here.

After reading all the tripe about why your here and what you don't like about Thai, this sentence made the most sense to me. Do you want me to send you a direction map to the airport???

[JSixpack]

P.S. the fridge always has the Mars Bars at the ready:thumbsup:

Mick Jagger’s Mars Bar Snack – Gruesome Rock Legends

[lostmebike]

Thai women are like Arlo Guthrie said in his famous song Alice's restaurant.

You can get anything you want.

You can even get a woman who is a boy.

Or you can get a woman who is a woman.

No telling what else you all can get masquerading as women in Thailand.

But if you want it you can get it. Just ask me. I know.

You want em short you want em tall

It don't matter we got em all.

Dress em up like a doll or dress em not at all.

It don't matter we got em all.

We got em in German uniforms or candy stripers

We got em dressed like highland pipers.

Now I'd sing you the rest of the song but it gets a little adult so just listen to Arlo and imagine.

No. Enough already!

[thailiketoo]

One of the best posts I've read on TV. I said for New Year's resolution this year no more Thai bashing for me. After all what is the point, right. Then the first week back I have the phone card problem which I posted so I won't repeat but last week my Acer computer broke down so I took it to Acer. The looked at it and said it needed a new motherboard and a new hard drive, cost 5K baht. Ok, I said fix it. They said it would take two weeks. The next day I got a phone call and they said they didn't have the parts so they have to send it to Bangkok. It will now take 4 weeks and oh by the way you pay an extra 500 baht. Ok, I said fix it.

Two days later they text me that Bangkok does not have the parts (not sent yet) and that they have to order parts from overseas, extra cost to be another 500 baht. I said ok, fix it. The next day I get another text, so sorry we forgot to add the vat tax so cost to you is another 700 baht. I said, ok fix it. The next day I get yet another text, so sorry we forgot to add the labor fee, cost to you another 400 baht. I said f... it.

And the Thai apologists want to know we get pissed off. LOL No common sense or any business sense available in the land of scams

You make a good point. So lets look at if for a moment. What in the Thai education system created your problem? (I think the average 12 year old can change a motherboard and hard drive in 10 minutes but I won't go there).

[benalibina]

An honest and aware OP with selfreflection.

Well done.

Eventhough anonymus but open and vonourable.

People recognize things in what the OP has written or not. Its his take on things on what he experiences in his life.

No need to judge....

[nithisa78]

'Every morning I drive to work and I feel like I am navigating through a circus, honestly'

I concur!

A study over recent years indicates and confirms the way a society conducts themselves and behaves socially in general thinking is a direct indication on how they behave and act on the roads.

Study further. Or give your source, not that it will be true even if you have one.

[nithisa78]

Thank God for life.

[yourauntbob]

My thanks goes to the OP for putting into words how I feel about Thailand (when I'm not pissed off).

Wow, great! All except the last paragraph. Sounds to me like you have found a subservient, house servant rather than a wife. So I can only gather she is the exact opposite of your previous spouse. Thus you enjoy living here?

Maybe I am reading too much into this but you have less a marriage, but more a owner/servant relationship. But if it works for you excellent, and I fully agree it is a good reason to be living here.

Cheers.

I might regret posting this but ...

A women who loves and cares about her husband is in no way a servant. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen in Asia, but I do believe that many in the west have lost the plot.

I'm western, as is my husband. We've been married over 20 years so this is not the 'first flush' of young love. This is a longtime lifestyle. I don't know the OP but if asked he just might agree that his relationship is nowhere near one-sided. Same as mine.

When the hubby comes home from work I have his pot of tea ready. On the weekends it's whisky and water. Dinner is delivered to him because he prefers to watch the news while eating. When he's presented with a problem I try to see how I can play my part in helping out. The toughest job I have is where I deal (using much kindness), with his extremely difficult mother.

If I get a craving (chocolate, wine, pumpkin seeds, whatever) without a word he jumps in the car and gets them for me. If I'm out of something for dinner he'll grab stuff on the way home from work. And because we live in Asia, he pays for a part-time maid who does a lot of the boring stuff.

He knows my likes and dislikes, as I do his, so we both manoeuvre to try and make sure there aren't major conflicts. Between the two of us, we have a lot in common so we are constantly talking about the news, new inventions, history, politics, whatever. His thirst for knowledge keeps my brain active. Alive.

I agree that some in the west (men and women) have forgotten (?) how a good marriage can work but please don't blame the men who come to Thailand to find someone to care about them in what is now known as the 'Asian way'.

And as for Thai women being 'submissive'. Hah! Dream on. My Thai girlfriends kick ass.

thanks for the kind words

addressed this earlier, but will address it again. its a give and take thing. as you stated above, when the missus says i am hungry for nam-toe-who (soy milk), or pinapple, or som tum, i am off and running. most saturdays i wake up and cook breakfast for the two of us, and she does the basic cleaning while once every week or two i do a thorough cleaning of the house. she does a lot for me, but is far from subservient. a few have correctly said, she enjoys doing these things. for the record, i rarely ask her to make dinner, normally she just does it. she wanted to cook me lunch daily too but i just couldnt let her do it. the best part of her is she is doing this because she wants to, NOT because she feels she needs to. maybe i should have included this in the OP.

Edited January 23, 2014 by yourauntbob

[HerbalEd]

Do you also get frustrated and complain when it rains when you don't want? No amount of ranting will change any of it ... ever.

[Always18]

A concise and accurate summation of my own feelings about the ''great adventure'' - just wish there was some way of making this posting required reading for the ''....if you don't like it here, why don't you p*ss off? '' brigade.......................

[LukKrueng]

Auntbob, why do you live here if you hate the culture sooo much? First, there are some parts of the culture I do enjoy. But, to answer your question, my wife. She is one of the most selfless people I have ever had the pleasure to meet. After a hard day of work, she comes home and cooks a nice western dinner for me while I sit on the couch and post on TV. She then throws some Thai soup in the microwave for herself so we can eat together. Yes, she reheats her food so mine can be fresh. Her priority list for just about everything in life is always her parents, then me, then her friends and finally herself. 90% of her complaints to me are out of caring for my health and safety. She doesn’t care if I want to go out and a have a few drinks with friends, but how I will get home. She buys me sweets daily because she knows I like them, but in small quantities so I don’t over eat. When she cooks my meals she goes out of her way to buy quality ingredients so less butter, sugar, and salt need to be added. I am not allowed to own a motor bike, so she took me out car shopping and helped me buy the car so I am safe. I am lucky to have found her and count my blessing, she is worth putting up with all of the above. That being said, if it wasn’t for her I would have been out of this country years ago. And if the day comes where she wises up and realizes she can do soo much better than me, I will be on the next plane out of here.

=======================

i think you are a selfish, egocentric farang, who live in Thailand and married a servant in order to save costs. Your description of your wife depicts a servant, not a normal healthy relationship. I guess you were not able to find such a good and cheap servant in your country - and possibly in your country having sex with your servant would be considered an offence.

Thai culture IS Thailand, same as French culture IS France, American culture IS America and so on. If the culture upsets you so much, why don't you take your wife to your home country? Ah, she wont stay the servant you want over there, will she???

[Crazy chef 1]

'Every morning I drive to work and I feel like I am navigating through a circus, honestly'

I concur!

A study over recent years indicates and confirms the way a society conducts themselves and behaves socially in general thinking is a direct indication on how they behave and act on the roads.

did you recently drive at a autobahn in germany?according to your theory i rather be here.

[SCARLETIBIS1]

Do you also get frustrated and complain when it rains when you don't want? No amount of ranting will change any of it ... ever.

I doubt anyone in Thailand would complain when it rains. Rain probably keeps some of the monkeys off the roads thus making it safer for those with real driver's licenses and second, it cleans the streets of all the soot and dust and burning crops. LOL

And third, ranting is good for keeping one's sanity. I would guess most do it knowing nothing will ever change here and no one would even give a rat's ass if they read it, much less understand it, but when others concur with your appraisal it makes you realize that you aren't insane that it is indeed THEM and not you. And it's educational to boot.

Edited January 23, 2014 by SCARLETIBIS1

[khrab]

Well done, Yourauntbob. Points well made.

Although you've left out what the true source of problems is in this country, which is that men aren't taught to act responsibly and women are taught to live with it. A lot of men in their 30's and 40's behave like teenagers and that is the main reason why this country is going nowhere.

What you have mentioned is true, but they are merely charming cultural quirks to me.

I always say:" Thai males grow slowly. Inside and out."

[yourauntbob]

Auntbob, why do you live here if you hate the culture sooo much? First, there are some parts of the culture I do enjoy. But, to answer your question, my wife. She is one of the most selfless people I have ever had the pleasure to meet. After a hard day of work, she comes home and cooks a nice western dinner for me while I sit on the couch and post on TV. She then throws some Thai soup in the microwave for herself so we can eat together. Yes, she reheats her food so mine can be fresh. Her priority list for just about everything in life is always her parents, then me, then her friends and finally herself. 90% of her complaints to me are out of caring for my health and safety. She doesn’t care if I want to go out and a have a few drinks with friends, but how I will get home. She buys me sweets daily because she knows I like them, but in small quantities so I don’t over eat. When she cooks my meals she goes out of her way to buy quality ingredients so less butter, sugar, and salt need to be added. I am not allowed to own a motor bike, so she took me out car shopping and helped me buy the car so I am safe. I am lucky to have found her and count my blessing, she is worth putting up with all of the above. That being said, if it wasn’t for her I would have been out of this country years ago. And if the day comes where she wises up and realizes she can do soo much better than me, I will be on the next plane out of here.

=======================

i think you are a selfish, egocentric farang, who live in Thailand and married a servant in order to save costs. Your description of your wife depicts a servant, not a normal healthy relationship. I guess you were not able to find such a good and cheap servant in your country - and possibly in your country having sex with your servant would be considered an offence.

Thai culture IS Thailand, same as French culture IS France, American culture IS America and so on. If the culture upsets you so much, why don't you take your wife to your home country? Ah, she wont stay the servant you want over there, will she???

look up about three posts from the one i am quoting. if you feel that being in a relationship in which the two parties take care of each other makes it not a relationship, then i truly from the bottom of my heart feel very sorry for you. i genuinely hope that one day you can find someone in your life that loves you to the point where they put you first and themselves second. i enjoy taking care of her and she enjoys taking care of me. sorry i didnt brag in the OP about the small things i do for her, the OP wasnt meant to be a self serving argument on how great i am.

and Thai culture is PART of Thailand, believing we are all a sum of our culture and nothing else is not only ignorant, it leads to prejudice and discrimination.

[HardenedSoul]

Not trying to taint the love-fest on this very positive thread but can I just ask if the OP dishes out a stipend to "take care" of the wife's family?

[phaykk]

Fully agree with your last statement I love my wife to death and even my mother in law is a great woman to me. I live 1 hour out of Buriram and have a great time on the road, I have worked in Saudi for 10 years now. I drive every day, believe me Thai drivers have nothing on them. Try standing in a line here you get pushed pass and gag from the body odor. Yes I have learned to use the elbows rather well and a sorry my steel toe shoe stepped on your flip flops. For me 4 years and counting till I live in Thailand full time.

[Kangawallafox]

Wow, great! All except the last paragraph. Sounds to me like you have found a subservient, house servant rather than a wife. So I can only gather she is the exact opposite of your previous spouse. Thus you enjoy living here?

Maybe I am reading too much into this but you have less a marriage, but more a owner/servant relationship. But if it works for you excellent, and I fully agree it is a good reason to be living here.

Cheers.

Rubbish, why say that, you cannot tell that from one post.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[fittobethaied]

The OP has found and stays with a beautiful wife,and he is very lucky.There are real "gems" out there just waiting to be found and it can make all the difference to being happy or unhappy here.

Thai culture is here to be "understood" not changed.When we come to live here we should accept this and mold ourselves around this.This way can help us be happy here.

On the other hand if we have landed ourselves in an unhappy relationship this can sour our view of everything else here in thailand.

Just my 2 bobs worth.

i realize i cant change it, this is why i post about it. to vent, to get it off my chest, to keep myself from getting to the point i overflow with rage. that was the whole point of this post, "why do people stay in thailand if they like to complain so much"

You go right ahead and rant and rave and vent. Personally, I enjoy reading about how other people are feeling about living here. It allows me to see that I'm not the only guy that gets frustrated with the Thais, and I have observed that all of us Westerners generally complain about the same things.

When I first came here nearly 4 years ago I began to participate on another internet forum, and I gained a reputation for being the guy who never had anything good to say about the Thais. It was good therapy for me and helped me to transition, but now I have gotten to the point where I see it as just a total waste of time. Not one single Thai has changed anything to accommodate me in any way, and I have come to realize that nothing I can say or do is going to change that. I am finally at peace with having my world revolve around my wife and her two adult children, so now I just try my best to pretend that no one else exists outside of my own family. That's exactly the way the Thais have treated me...as if I don't exist, so in that sense I guess you could say that I have blended into the culture to some degree.

For most of my adult life I have been a leader and am used to being totally in control of my life and surroundings, so living in Thailand in no way suits my personality. So now I have my own little castle and I control everything within my 4 walls, and I have come to understand that when I step outside those walls I am at the mercy of a society that could care less that I am here. I have one farang friend outside my own family, and I'm content with that. He always says "it is what it is, so get used to it"! I will never understand the Thais, I will never get used to the culture and I will never accept their kind of behavior. Thank God I have a wife that makes it all worthwhile!

[dotpoom]

I particularly identify with your last paragraph.

I posted a while back in connection to a different subject that were it not for my Thai wife I would have gone back home after about 2 years after moving here. I am now living here 12 years. I came with ex amount of money and bought 3 condos, rented out two and lived in the other. I now live in a house and still have two condos. In other words....had I sold up and gone home after the 2 year period I would now be skint because at my age i would not get a job and any money I had would be used up by now. But because I met my wife and stayed here I have about the same amount of assets as I had when I came here 12 years ago. Apart from all the happy and laughter hours we have spent together (although had some tough times getting to know each other in the first 2 years, I will admit) I owe my financial situation to her. So when at times we are having a difficult period and I am getting on my "high horse" I remind myself of these facts and realize how lucky I am to have met her.

If, God forbid, something happened to our relationship, it would be my worst nightmare to have to go back home or even start up all over again somewhere else although I know well enough that if it were necessary, humans seem to have the ability to muster up the strength from somewhere to tackle situations that we think would be too much for us.

[fittobethaied]

One of the best posts I've read on TV. I said for New Year's resolution this year no more Thai bashing for me. After all what is the point, right. Then the first week back I have the phone card problem which I posted so I won't repeat but last week my Acer computer broke down so I took it to Acer. The looked at it and said it needed a new motherboard and a new hard drive, cost 5K baht. Ok, I said fix it. They said it would take two weeks. The next day I got a phone call and they said they didn't have the parts so they have to send it to Bangkok. It will now take 4 weeks and oh by the way you pay an extra 500 baht. Ok, I said fix it.

Two days later they text me that Bangkok does not have the parts (not sent yet) and that they have to order parts from overseas, extra cost to be another 500 baht. I said ok, fix it. The next day I get another text, so sorry we forgot to add the vat tax so cost to you is another 700 baht. I said, ok fix it. The next day I get yet another text, so sorry we forgot to add the labor fee, cost to you another 400 baht. I said f... it.

And the Thai apologists want to know we get pissed off. LOL No common sense or any business sense available in the land of scams

Happy to read your post scarletibis1! I had the same New Year's resolution and I broke it the first day. I thought I was reading one of my own posts. We must be long lost twin brothers.

[yourauntbob]

Not trying to taint the love-fest on this very positive thread but can I just ask if the OP dishes out a stipend to "take care" of the wife's family?

Nope, when we go visit her father I normally treat for a couple meals and on certain occasions I will give small gifts. I help her out every now and then with some small money (a few thousand here and there) but she prides herself on being independent. "I can take care myself and my family" i believe were her exact words. Although I do take care of the lions share of the household bills.

Edited January 23, 2014 by yourauntbob

[chrisinth]

Quote: "This brings me to another thing about Thai culture that drives me up a wall, the school system. Here in Thailand, school is meant to be fun! No need for hard work, or critical thinking, just smile and show up (late mind you) and we will move you right along. Actually, don’t ask the teacher any questions because that means you’re a) dumb, not listening. Talk about setting up a person to fail later in life."

I've always believed (and still do) that the reason questions usually are not asked or in some cases even allowed in class is that it would cause the teacher--not the student--to lose face. If questioned, it means that the teacher is not doing her or his job properly. She is the elder, the one to be respected, of course, and she has gone to a university. To ask a question that the teacher may be unprepared to answer would be embarrassing for all.

But the result is the same, i.e., the student is not allowed to live up to his or her potential, which is a disservice to society.

Not being in the education system, i have over the years met an awful lot of farang teachers, from bad to good (socially) and every level in-between. The ones that have stayed the course have all made the same observation, that they always know they are winning the war when a student asks the first question. Some have been known to make deliberate mistakes to get this reaction.

These are people who don't really care about face, I never have a bad thing to say about people like this (unless they are skipping their rounds).