Brainwashed

[atyclb]

If you are genuinely afraid that your wife will hurt herself when she realises that she has been conned, then I suggest you ask her parents what they advise.Are all the old Farangs who have lost their life savings to a pretty young Thai girl mentally ill, or would you describe them differently? I certainly would not describe the old Farangs as brainwashed - just conned.

We may both be jumping to conclusions, but I suspect you are right - just conned. When 50 and 70 year olds find a 20 plus year old on their arm, they actually believe that said female loves them!!! Notwithstanding that the last bride they had was 60 fat and ugly and always had a headache!!!!

Large age gap marriage can represent true love when the wifes name is Catherine Zeta Jones and husband Michael Douglas, etc etc, but not too many marriages like that in Thailand LOL

[slowhand]

I am Scottish and perhaps it was the way I was schooled to believe in justice over mercy when it comes to being conned. I would have to say that given the situation and the long con going on here- it would not be long or prolonged but a head on a pole as a cautionary reminder not to mess with me or my clan you bottom feeder

[robert888d]

T.I.T. THIS IS THAILAND

[liddelljohn]

This problem is not uncommon here

2 of my wife's sisters got into a similar mess last year they both ended upheavily medicated in a psychiatric hospital and then needed 4 months in a Wat to deprogramme them , it almost wrecked their marriages

The woman and son who conned them were running a local school in naklua and told every thai they met that they were Maemot and Pamot , thats witch and wizard ,, they have conned a lot of money out of intelligent but credible Thais who believe and are naturally superstitious ..its a form of cult brainwashing

They are Now both OK but it required drastic measures ,the main problem is that they lost face and faith in their surroundings and beliefs ,, only a stronger belief would restore their faith ..

My wife and I approached the 2 con people and i put an Ancient welsh dragon curse and some old hebrew writing on their car ,,,all <deleted> but they had never seen a Farang do black magic and they were confused , and very worried , within days they had returned over 500k to my wife and the mother fell ill ,, within weeks their business was in ruin and they had been beaten up by some thais , recently i looked in on them and they are now bankrupt ,, and both in a bad way , they are terrified of my magic and begged forgiveness , i suggested they go into a temple and study some Dharma to get release from my curses and this time I took my wifes sisters to see and now they believe my magic saved them ,

Your wife will be in denial until some stronger belief comes to her aid and she regains face

get her any help she needs, medical , spiritual etc

[FBN]

Post deleted for which the poster could possible have been facing real legal problems!

Please keep it civil..

[Judge by nature]

I think she has started loving that guy and surely she's gonna be looking for him forever.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[bangarang]

Guard your money man. Sounds like this runs in the family. I would be worried about losing all your money in the future due to your wife getting conned. I dont know who you would see in a case like that but I know I would be super pissed if my wife handed out 200k on a whim. Why didnt your wife consult you before handing over a large sum like that?

[recycler]

We've the name and address of the conman and we know he has lived there and maybe is still living there.

The police doesn't do anything besides making a report. They didn't even wanted to write that address in the report.

At that moment my wife as also not very cooperative because she was still very much believing in the guy.

They say it's a financial conflict between 2 persons, and they can't do anything.

Also they say that the money transfer slip is not enough evidence to backup the whole story.

The problem is a bit that being a conman/fortune teller is not really illegal in Thailand. It's regarded as a job.

The money transfer could as well be seen as a payment for delivered services.

I consider the 200K as lost. It was her money, but we always agreed we would tell each other beforehand if we would spend more than 20K of our money. Taking into account this agreement, I call my and her money always "our" money.

Working as a conman is regarded as a job!!! it couldn't be more typical for Thailand!

For the future I would not advise a shrink or so, it won't work. My approach would be to get her educated by a "real" Buddhist monk who can make her see the difference between the suspicious hoki poki that has been added to her believes (and many others) that has nothing to do with Buddhism. There are some good temples where she can go "buad".

But select careful, if you pick the wrong place she could be conned again!

[kkup]

If she transferred the money willingly the police won't do jack, it was a verbal agreement with no witnesses. As someone posted earlier, if you have his name and address why don't you pay some local loan shark collectors to pay him a visit. I have a team of them living in my village, they do private jobs. If you can read and speak Thai I'm sure you know all about how they work....... you could easily reclaim whatever he has left, or he pays the consequences.

I'm also wondering if you've been married so long why she would do something like that behind your back.. Doesn't that make you wonder about things? Have you thought about the possibility that you were the one scammed?

[Gandtee]

While not wanting to sow any seeds of doubt about your wife's fidelity could this con man have had more than a religious influence over her? Her reluctance to go to the police might be more than just trying not to lose face. It could be that the reason for her reluctance is that the truth would come out. As the old saying goes: 'There are three sides to a marital argument. Her side. His side. And the real truth'. Sorry to be a doubting Thomas, but then you did make the problem public. Good luck.

[tetleythedog]

You just described the mind of the average Thai.

LOL ..............TO BE BRAINWASED...................YOU MUST FIRST HAVE A BRAIN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nithisa78]

Thank you to all.

I more or less came to the same conclusion.

She is very naive,even more naive than the average Thai woman. But probably not naive enough for psych treatment.

Her naivety was one of the reasons I fell in love with her.

It just turns out there are disadvantages to it too.

The only thing I can do is talk in a non pushing way and let her parents help.

I have a very good relation with her parents and I respect them very much.

I am kinda over the money that was lost, but I am worried about the future.

It will be hard to trust her again.

It so sad to see how her mind is still being controlled by somebody that is not around an that scammed her for 200K.

I hope time will help.

Sir, Time will help. Have faith and be patient. Let it be.

[96tehtarp]

From following this thread I think the OP is getting ahead of the game.

Go way back and put into question the wife's side of the story.

Lies do not figure predominately in most farang cultures. In Thailand the situation is quite different, and Thai woman know this. "Tell a farang anything, and he will believe it."

[wilgoster]

OP, you've heard from every side now; it's time to listen to yourself, and do what you think is best. There will be support for you whatever your choice is. Stay strong.

[F4UCorsair]

I'm not sure a psychiatrist could help. Religions make people believe things that are clearly not true and people who have lost money often go into a state of denial, for example shareholders of Enron who kept their shares believing the share price would bounce back. Combine those things and you have a dangerous combination, but not a psychiatric condition.

The entire concept/premise of religion is based on myth, but Buddhism is not a religion, more a philosophy, and it seems to me that there is a lot of superstition within. How that is overcome is beyond me.

I like the Buddhist philosophy, but approach the whole thing with a fair degree of cynicism, so I guess that protects me from falling into a situation such as that in which the OP's wife finds herself.

In addition, I'm the eternal pessimist. I'm occasionally pleasantly surprised, but never disappointed. That's probably a bit over the top, because I am generally quite positive, so maybe describing myself as a firm believer in 'Murphy's Law' would be closer - what can go wrong will............and Murphy was an optimist.

[Chonburiram]

I've known gamblers with even more unbelievable excuses about where the money went...

[kriswillems]

I think I got all the answers I need.

Thank you all for your input. Some views and posts were very helpful.

I understand better now what's going on in the mind of my wife - she in a denial stage.

I just wants this nightmare to be over.

- I'll not go to follow the money for months. It's too frustrating. We can better focus on making new money.

- My wife will be forced by time to see she was wrong.

- I will never let my wife handle huge amounts of money anymore.

[HeavyDrinker]

Where was Mum, Sis, Dad, Bro, Husband etc while this elaborate con was taking place?

Thais stick together in units and protect one another with advice and alternative perspectives.

Single ladies going it alone without thefamily or friends inevitably get serious trouble.

I agree. Is this another "Look at me/help me and my "HiSO" family post.....?

[techboy]

You just described the mind of the average Thai.

Referencing the many Thais that I know and have known during the past fifteen years I absolutely disagree with you. Intelligent, good innocent and trusting people around the world are duped out of their money every day by religious and spiritual scams. However the insensible nature of your post suggests "the mind of the average" unperceptive ignoramus.

[techboy]

^{I think the lady is lucky to have a good guy like you for an old man.}

[mrfaroukh]

No need to go to doctor or police, give me the address I need money for sinsod too, 555555.

[markbosenn]

I am really confused. I have been reading forums from Thailand for years....mostly for amusement, but in some cases to get useful info on hotels, bars etc.

My question: Why do people feel they have to explain themselves when making a statement in here? Even more so, why would anyone post their laundry in here. Like I said...confused....maybe I am just too private...who knows...just an observation.

Edited February 11, 2014 by markbosenn

[kriswillems]

I am really confused. I have been reading forums from Thailand for years....mostly for amusement, but in some cases to get useful info on hotels, bars etc.

My question: Why do people feel they have to explain themselves when making a statement in here? Even more so, why would anyone post their laundry in here. Like I said...confused....maybe I am just too private...who knows...just an observation.

I know it's not smart to do this. But I wanted to have advice, because I believed she might a been in a state of mind for which there might be a medical solution or a least a medical explanation.

Now I know there's no medical solution. Still, I got some feedback that makes me understand the state of mind she's in.

She is in denial - just like the people that decide not to sell their stocks after their dropped 80% in one day because the company was proven to be built on thin air. Our mind protects us from extreme disappointment by not wanting to see the truth.

I didn't write this post in the general forum, but I chose the health forum, because on the general forum I knew I would get only feedback in the style of, "another old, fat, stupid and lying farang who's young HiSo girl, who's in reality a poor bargirl, cheated him, because all Thais are cheaters and can't trusted".

Most feedback has been helpful in several ways.

For me the thread may be closed now. Thank you all for your help.

[kiwicouple]

“My wife is educated but very naive and very religious and superstitious.”

This statement in itself is somewhat of an oxymoron. (as said previously I now notice)

No disrespect to your wife intended, and there are many who would fit into the same category.

A close relative of my wife was also conned (the old pyramid selling game) some time ago. She begged her family and friends for more money, as she was onto a sure winner, and just needed a bit more to get to her goal. Of course the goal is never quite reached… and so on. Evan after she lost all (and I mean ALL) of her money, and some borrowed money too, she still wouldn’t believe she had been conned. All very sad. Even now, six years on, she blames friends and family for not loaning her more money to allow her to reach “the goal”….

Bottom line is, some folk are irrepealably dumb when it comes to such matters. Oh, she too is very religious. It goes with the territory. People who believe in sky fairies, all powerful invisible beings, superstitions and the like, well they are first in line when it comes to such things.

Religion itself can be a most destructive tool when wielded by a cunning hand, against a God fearing foe.

Personally I could never be with someone who believed such nonsense. It would go against all my sense of reason and rational. I’m afraid I put all “believers” in the slightly insane basket.

Anyway, all said, best of luck to you, and if nothing else, try and wean her off the God squad BS.

[kriswillems]

Kiwicouple, the perfect wife would think 100% the same as me about everything - so, I guess I would better get married to myself?

I accept and respect my wife for everything she is, good an bad points included.

We have been together for 13 years. We never had any problem related to her beliefs.

I said she's educated, but I do realize a university level here in Thailand is probably highschool level in Europe. I am not a psychologist, but I am sure this problem is not caused by lack of intelligence. She has been raised in a context of religion and beliefs and in a very protective environment. That is why she is the way she is.

Edited February 11, 2014 by kriswillems

[captspectre]

You just described the mind of the average Thai.

at first I was tempted to put up a wise crack, but after thing about it, maybe you should take her to a trusted temple and have the head monk talk to her. that would be better than trying to convince her yourself. just a thought.

[FBN]

Happy to comply with OP's request to close as in #113 above.