I truly believe there's a conspiracy amongst Thais to make foreigners go insane.

1. I buy a packet of crisps. Packet spot-welded so unopenable.

2. I buy a bar of chocolate. Unopenable.

3. I buy a packet of cheese. Again unopenable with the human hand.

4. I buy bottled water. Takes an indefinate period to pick off the seal.

5. I get True Visions monthly invoice. No envelop, just self-sealed invoice. As carefully as can be opened, I end up with threads of paper.

6. Sit down in evening to relax and watch some True Visions TV with almost 200 channels. No TV guide. Scroll through 200 channels,

7. Go pay electricity bill in electricity office, 300 sweaty Thais queueing ahead of me,

8. 6 o'clock get garden hose out to water the plants and grass. No pressure whatsoever. Midnight there is pressure.

9. Get home very late at night. Village gates closed. Security guard either sleeping, or as I caught him last night, pre-occupied with his nostrils.

10. Given entry to TukCom car park / Temple car park. Small problem. Full. Drivers driving around like headless chickens with nowhere to go. Stream of cars driving to the top floor of TukCom car park, then down again and out.

11. Walking down Walking Street at night. Hundreds of laminated / sweaty / crumpled / dog-eared "sex-show" A4's lunged in my face.

12. Walking along Beach Rd at night, lurkers mumbling indiscretely Marijuana Marijuana.

13. I order a Big Mac at McDonalds and a coke. Do you want set ? I want a Big Mac and a coke. Do you want set ? I want Big Mac and a coke. Do you want set ? I want what I just asked for. Do you want set ?

14. Traffic lights outside Royal Garden / Beach Rd. You get 9 seconds to "dash" across the road, with 95% of the traffic not stopping.

One can either go insane with all this madness, or one can chill and see the funny side.

Sadly, 1/2 of this madness I take out on my darling wife. It's not uncommon for me to throw a packet of "spot-welded" crisps at her and ask her to open for me.

And then I remember, "This is Thailand"

Some call it "living the dream"!

Best thing for the crisps is grasp the bag with both hands and pop it open by squeezing the air.

Would make the missus jump too which is a bonus.

Just say no to the set its easier.

The rest just laugh at.

Just becuase your paranoid doesn't mean they are not after you.

Pattaya sounds like hell,in 2 decades I've never seen the attraction.

There are many other places from lively Phuket Bungkok,C Mai peaceful Chiang Kham,Nan,Trang,Petchaburi,Cha Am or Hua Hin.

Sorry C Rai is full of newbies who are chilling but vacancies may occur.

Go walkabout ,we are moitoring your movements via True viewing.

True Big brother is testing your flexibility to adapt.

P.S you can pay your electric in easier ways via bank etc.

Makes going for PEA a piece of bliss

A rival product Lays is researching the night market.

Or got UK where GCHQ have new Watchyoufap service

Its not just me and I thought I was going CRAZY .....Thank you for your post pattaya 28,

Conspiracy Part 2:

15. Buy kettle. Lasts 2 weeks. Return to store. Where bock ? I buy kettle, not box. Where bock ? Show receipt. See, I buy kettle, not buy box. Where bock ?

16. Buy vacuum. Last 1 week. No suction. Return to store. Where bock ? No hab bock cannot repair. I want new vacuum, no repair. Cannot, no hab bock.

17. Go to have passport photo's taken. Guy very professional. Tell him 1 picture 4 copy same same. 10 mins later i get 4 pictures all identical as asked for, but, i look 20 years younger. What happen I asked. Ahh I photshop for you make you younger. Tell him cannot for passport. Solly. Get 4 more, charges for 8.

18. Front door-bell ring. Lady want to cut my grass. How much ? 500 baht. 200 baht, will take 10 mins. Ok. I come back tomollow. That was 3 weeks ago. Never see her again.

19. Daily, a dog dump in my garden. I had enough. Tell manager. No ploblem. Take photo for me. Cannot. I dont know what time dog dump. Solly, cannot help no photo.

20. Buy Airsoft machine-gun. Put on charge, Short-circuits. Return to seller. Seller returns to shop. Shop returns to seller without battery pack. Seller asks for battery pack to be returned too. Solly no hab. Machine gun still not working. (never ever fired a shot). Shop say mis-used.

I cannot be the only foreigner that goes through this madness in Pattaya.

No wonder so many foreigners are bald.

Only the toughest survive here.

Sent from my GT-N7100 using Tapatalk

Some call it "living the dream"!

and others call it "adventure"

As for the packs and containers of food being 'welded' shut. The ants here, especially the those little fire ants, can slice through plastic if it is too thin or find the tiniest opening in food packaging, so it is almost necessary to 'weld' them closed.

As for the rest of your list, there are some things you just shouldn't try to figure out in Thailand. The brain is not wired to analyse that much illogical information, so any attempt at that could be dangerous to your mental health.

Unfortunately, even in the west, you might still need to have the box, when an item needs to be repaired. The shop cannot send it anywhere, if there is no package for it, or then they need to make a special package. The shop usually does not do their own repairs, so its gotta be sent.

I just bought a new flat screen, and they told me to keep the box for a week, if it needed to be repaired.

Quote

"I just bought a new flat screen, and they told me to keep the box for a week, if it needed to be repaired."

That would give me confidence buying the product.

Not only guarantee 1 week, but wouldn't even replace it. I would feel happy a 1 week old TV was not only broken, but that a Thai-repair-team were fixing it.

Beggars belief !!

Best thing for the crisps is grasp the bag with both hands and pop it open by squeezing the air.

Would make the missus jump too which is a bonus.

Just say no to the set its easier.

The rest just laugh at.

I did that only once the bottom burst open not the top, wife not impressed

1. I buy a packet of crisps. Packet spot-welded so unopenable.

2. I buy a bar of chocolate. Unopenable.

3. I buy a packet of cheese. Again unopenable with the human hand.

They're concerned about your health.

If you were back in one of the nanny states they'd be less subtle and try to regulate what you're allowed to ingest.

A lot of your problems would be solved by buying a pair of scissors.

The Thais think you are crazy to not buy a set at McDonald's because it is cheaper than buying the other items seperately and you get the fries for "free'..

OP i think you need to get a hobby mate, one that hopefully doesn't entail any opening of packets!

20. Buy Airsoft machine-gun. Put on charge, Short-circuits. Return to seller. Seller returns to shop. Shop returns to seller without battery pack. Seller asks for battery pack to be returned too. Solly no hab. Machine gun still not working. (never ever fired a shot). Shop say mis-used.

Could you tell me where you bought this please. I'm in the market for an airsoft gun and would like to avoid this place. Cheers.

One of the first things I learned in Thailand was to reach for a knife or pair of scissors if I wanted to open anything.

Sent from my iPhone using ThaiVisa app

I was able to tear telephone directories and unscrew bolts with my fingers, but while still strong, am, as the OP lists defeated by the wrappings.

I vote for number 17! A classic

...and rubber beer mats...<deleted>...

OP, you nailed it, the list can keep on going.

However without all the fun, life becomes boring

Try having a business.

Advertise for staff, write call between 9am-18pm ONLY

Phone rings at 6am, 3am

Advertise for staff, must speak, read and write english.

Without a fail, none of the people applying can string 2 words in English

Advertise Thai ONLY

Filipinos calling non stop

Take my cat for shower and haircut, ask to have hair short but not totally shaved

GO to pick up the cat, cat is shaven down to skin. When i question, i am told no problem, hair will grow back. Yes it will, but i did not ask for cat to be shaven, No problem hair will grow back

The jewel choking underwear conspiracy.

Best thing for the crisps is grasp the bag with both hands and pop it open by squeezing the air.

Would make the missus jump too which is a bonus.

Just say no to the set its easier.

The rest just laugh at.

and if you're lucky you might find a crisp in the bottom left hand corner - never again