Paying her family?

[NeverSure]

Sin Sod, the dowry for the girl and some Gold is more or less normal and usually higher with a Falang, your sums seem not to high,

the immediately house building, buying and purchase of a car is not so common awaited in short time. But sure appreciated!

To take care of the family of wife, is common at least in some ways and in affordable borders!

So if she is a traditional Thai, some of that what she and her family asks for, is common practice in many families here in Thailand.

Special in rural Issan.

So find a consensus in a discussion, if you feel its worth the effort.

Except that the way I read it is that he has to pay it right now or he can't see her again. Excuses as to why she can't contact him, but her friends can. She's in on it with her parents. No time for "courtship," just pay up "now" or can't see the girl again.

Sin Sod (dowry) is usually paid at the wedding as is any gold offered. In this case there won't be a wedding but rather the hunt will begin for another farang sucker who they hope will be a lot richer. With a richer guy they could play the long game, but with the OP it's the short game and out.

It's a scam and she's in on it.

[Farma]

The OP needs to move on with his life. It sounds like he got out of a scam before it cost too much.

On a similar theme, village gossip tells me of a similar scenario in our district. A girl there has so far managed to snare 3 husbands on the internet. The girls mother was the driving force.

Girl meets farang on internet dating site. Farang would show up, a village wedding (not registered at the umphur) takes place. Farang pays for an expensive wedding. A new car and all the trappings would be given to the bride. A few weeks later an argument would take place with the farang sent packing. This got repeated 3 times.

[ALFREDO]

Sin Sod (dowry) is usually paid at the wedding as is any gold offered. In this case there won't be a wedding

From the OP opening post

"After one month her father demanded I marry her or leave the house."

I think he would get his marriage if legally or only Buddha style, I do not know, if he agrees to some financial terms..

Edited May 9, 2014 by ALFREDO

[JesseFrank]

Thanks a lot for you replies Brewster. I just don't want any problems here. She has a lot of police in her family here, kind of making me nervous about a breakup.

Time to get on the bus mate, one that takes at least 4-5 hours to final destination, change your phone number, step of the bus and start again.

Don't even try to find out if she has a backbone or take up the teachers job. Move on now before the school year start, you can still find a job at your new destination.

[Cheeby Luva]

what is/was the fathers occupation. you can glean a lot from this. taxi/moto/tuk-tuk, run as fast as you can.

any white collar/govt and the scam propensity is lessened markedly to non-existent.

but the sin sod seems a little low for the second category.

Edited May 9, 2014 by Cheeby Luva

[petermik]

Don,t walk away...................................RUN

[tingtong]

You cant really blame her family...

You already payed/paying bike, dentist, phone...

All they try to bring the "game" to the next level.

Offer a finger ( or 3) and they want an arm...I would cut losses here!

[nottocus]

I like the idea of reverse scamming them.

[Lockheed]

Seems like the family have been down this road before, they've obviously learnt that getting to the sharp end of the stick sooner is better than later so they can see what cards you're going to play.

I've spent some time in Thailand and I've never had any problems with the girls, to be honest they don't come near me because I don't flash money around, you've done the opposite and now you are suffering.

I'd be distancing myself from them and take life as it comes, fall into a relationship rather than find one, when you hunt, you often get what you don't want.

[netghost]

Thanks a lot for you replies Brewster. I just don't want any problems here. She has a lot of police in her family here, kind of making me nervous about a breakup.

Time to get on the bus mate, one that takes at least 4-5 hours to final destination, change your phone number, step of the bus and start again.

Don't even try to find out if she has a backbone or take up the teachers job. Move on now before the school year start, you can still find a job at your new destination.

That's what I was afraid of. Even tho I have not broken any laws, they can still f@$& with me.

[David48]

I can't acknowledge the poster who once penned this, but there is more then an ounce of wisdom in the statement.

Paraphrasing ... Start the relationship, any relationship, as you want it to continue.

If the OP story rings true ... your card is marked.

[pinkpanther99]

I can't acknowledge the poster who once penned this, but there is more then an ounce of wisdom in the statement.

Paraphrasing ... Start the relationship, any relationship, as you want it to continue.

If the OP story rings true ... your card is marked.

Excellent advice.

If, as you say, your story is true then you're probably already done for! Get out now while you can.

Thailand can be a fantastic place to live but if you get into a relationship that has 'issues' from the outset (especially involving the family) then it can all quickly turn into a disaster.

Don't be another Thaivisa sob story!

[netghost]

Ok, Thank you for all of your advice. After eight months and about 76,000 baht (not including travel expenses). I have heard of people losing a lot more than that. I still like it here, just maybe need to find new city. How is Chiang Mai? That should be far enough away from the family. Or Hua Hin, somewhere on other side of the country.

[Cheeby Luva]

both good choices for farang. hua hin gets oppressive quickly but its a personal preference. chiangmai nowadays you can easily last out a visa and extension and want more.

[netghost]

both good choices for farang. hua hin gets oppressive quickly but its a personal preference. chiangmai nowadays you can easily last out a visa and extension and want more.

Both have decent opportunities for work?

[Cheeby Luva]

both good choices for farang. hua hin gets oppressive quickly but its a personal preference. chiangmai nowadays you can easily last out a visa and extension and want more.

Both have decent opportunities for work?

dont know. not my kettle of fish. hua hin is smaller and a higher proportion of farang which i guess limits the options. but i really have no clue search for thailand teaching forum. cant link from here.

[trainman34014]

Move to Chiang Mai but don't let her know where or when you are going. Cut off all means of communication, dead simple, forget your losses and put them down to the learning curve in Thailand.

Oh; and by the way...there are plenty of honest hard working girls in the North; it's up to you to put the ground work in and find them.

Good luck.

[BrooklynNY]

I tried standing up for myself, I got kicked out of the house. I told her she needed to do what she thought was right, marry for love not money, but she says she has no say in it. Everything is up to her father, do the girls here have no say in their own future?

"do the girls here have no say in their own future?"

A Thai sharing a comment here...

No, not at all. I am certain that your g/f actually rather enjoys your financial support that you helped her before you moved to Thailand. The whole family including your g/f take you for granted as a rich farang has fallen for their daughter. This is another typical case of a Thai woman prays on a farang via online chat. Not all Thai women are that greedy.

It is only a beginning for you to have know a first Thai woman but she would not be the last one. You would meet more Thai women. You have to be firm not to give in with those demands.

[netghost]

Great! Thanks for the advice and knowledge everyone.

Edited May 10, 2014 by ubonjoe
Removed a inflammatory comment

[star kicker]

suggest you find out more about thailand and nthai culture as i have been here over 10 years, dated many wonderful girls, had amazing times and not been asked for a baht.

fleecing naive foreigners is not thai culture its scamming.

take away your infatuation with this girl and see the situation for what it is.

[JMWPACIFIC]

Demanding/scam? Could be both. Don't walk, RUN!!!

[rbmcn]

Leave the scene adap. Either she faking it or she has already taken sides by not siding with you. Whatever happens, even if you sort things out now and marry her you will be inextricably snookered forever. Get out of it, now, imho.

[AYJAYDEE]

I explained that buying people was not part of my culture and even against the law in the states, but she says that is just the culture here.

youre not buying anybody. its called a dowry and it expected in thailand.

[malt25]

How old is the girl ? how old are you ? just wondering.

[ggt]

You...my friend...are being scammed...Thai style...all very legit in Thailand...they will never be happy...you can never give them enough...it will always be something to drain you bank account...and your manhood...

There are thousands upon thousands of lovely girls...I am willing to bet...that you can fall in love with one again...just be careful this time...do not cave in to the demands of the family...money is a primary object of many relationships with foreigners in Thailand...

[oneday]

Yes, all that demanding is normal here..........FROM BAD FAMILES......run to the hills and DO NOT look back. My wife would never support her family if they did that. My wife's family NEVER asks for anything.

They see you as a stupid falang cash cow or they are just crude, unintelligent, gold diggers and some families are like that here. You tell your girl if she loves you to come live with you, but I seriously doubt that will happen. Take your losses and go....NOW!

[wayne hoskins]

Mate,sorry you are crazy to put up with shit,get rid of her quickly,there's plenty of decent thai lady's believe me just don't rush into anything,I'm married to a thai lady 6 years I support her not the family never never move in with a thai family,remember you'll fall in love many times,if that's the way you want to go do it,many many beautiful lady's all the best,

[oneday]

I tried standing up for myself, I got kicked out of the house. I told her she needed to do what she thought was right, marry for love not money, but she says she has no say in it. Everything is up to her father, do the girls here have no say in their own future?

Either she is lying and it is all a scam or she really does have a strict authoritarian father who she would never dream of going against. In that case the marriage would never work unless you also were willing to be under his thumb because this man will want to control everything about your lives.

Either way you have taken the correct path. She either defies him and leaves her family for you or you walk away and find another lady. Believe me it will not take you long to find another lady. Whoever you find, she may be good or bad, but it is easy in this country to find a lady.

One thought does come to mind. With such a supposedly "authoritarian" father, why would he be allowing her to troll online for a boyfriend/husband unless they were looking to hook a rich falang.

[lucjoker]

is this the joke page?

then i will tell a joke also:my said she dreamed all night about driving her bicycle .

I said : i dreamed all night about steaming sex !

She: with me?

Me: No, you were out bicycling !

[BigSkip]

Wake Up Dude............... She is Milking you by seeing you on the "SLY"..... Cops in her family??? They make more than you think....they want, don't need your money, YOU need to find a new Girlfriend, fast.