Problems with son of Thai girlfriend

[ezzra]

If you can't beat, join them says the old proverb, do things to show him how

ridiculous his behavior is, on the other hand, those adolescent years make

only sense to the young and no amount or reasoning will help...

[transam]

You threw him out of the house because he is lazy and plays video games? Ignores his parents? Sits all day in school and sits rest of day at home? Hmmm..... He sounds like a pretty normal teenage boy.

Don't know about Thai child laws, but in some western countries child protective services would most likely get involved for kicking a 14 year old out for acting like a typical 14 year old.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

At 14 I got a whack around the head.......................Glad I did................

I got whacked round the head and kicked up the arse,did'nt do me any harm,but i do find it difficult to impose any kind of physical punishment on children that are not my own, i have to say,i am not talking here about beatings or anything like that which i would never contemplate at all,but the odd clip round the ear,i used to give my own kids in Australia,i don't know i just don't feel comfortable doing that with my stepson.

Your right, I have nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo contact with her son or daughter in our home, they have told me I am not Thai and so now I totally understand my position here. BUT, stuff is winding me up now and it is time for me to act......Her kids are 19 and 25, both shit heads that have had a life via me and NOT their revered father. See what happens.........

[marko kok prong]

I recently learned that there is no lack of children ages 14 - 18 that simply choose not to continue high school. Often they still live with parents and vegetate (play games, hangout, may drink or do drugs) Some parents allow them to stay in this manner, other parents require them to work and contribute to expenses.

In this situation i would tell my wife to make him go and work clearing scrub on some land she has in the middle of april,where it is 40c here in the shade,deduct 200b from his wage of 300b for the days work for living expenses,and watch him scuttle back to school the next day,a lot of the younger generation here have no idea how hard their parents worked,in fact i think this would be a good idea for all Thai youngsters,10 hours under a blazing sun for 300b,it reminds me of when i was young and had to'lick road clean before breakfast'.

[dutchman]

I too have a stepson and stepdaughter,he is 11,so younger than your's and the step daughter 16,she is no problem at all,my main gripe with the boy is,he used not to flush the toilet after having a poo,i spoke about this,nothing happened ,so i yelled about it,now no problem,the other issue is he drops rubbish everywhere,i am slowly gaining the upper hand with this,but it is difficult with Thai people and garbage, i have 4 kids of my own back in Aus ,so i guess this gave me a bit more of an idea how to deal with him,but op,i am afraid,Thai mothers can find it hard to see any wrong in their Son's,generally yelling and shouting can be counter productive ,but also can work used sparingly,i do fear you have an uphill battle here though,with his age,things generally don't get better until early 20's,but i don't think you can in all consience, throw a 14 year old boy out of the house,it may be better,if you just cut your losses and move on.

Throw out of the house is not mean throw out like a garbage can.

I still take care them for 2 years financially.

When is it enough.

He lived like a king with me but dont care me at all.

Dont apreciate what i give him.

from his 7th year he contolled his mom and was always the boss at home.

[Marcel1]

Assuming you pay the house, bills, food and his school, I would talk to the gf first and lay out the rules, if she accept the rules get the kid and tell him the rules if he not accept your rules he not stays in your house, and I would exit the mom too since you don't want to make a problem between kids and their parents.

If he accept your rules, then you can find some nice stuff to do together like someone else posted fishing, e.g.

it all begins with mutual respect.

If it is not your house and you not pay for school, the kid is not yours to worry but I would never give him dine (other then birthdays etc)

[swissie]

One of the first questions I would always ask a Thai lady is, does she have kids.

If the answer is "yes", it doesn't matter how hot she is, I'm gone.

I'm sure there are examples of good kids, but I'm not raising the lazy spawn of a deadbeat Thai man who is also likely to enter my life at some point and make it miserable.

If it doesn't have my DNA, it doesn't enter my life. Period.

I wish you the strength to make a wise decision.

Agree, 100%. I could have written this post.

Only problem: Here in the sticks, there can not be found a female at the age or 20, that has not AT LEAST 1 child already.

So, inevitably, the Farang gets a "package-deal". Can't think of a better way to screw-up a Farangs life. Especially if the "Thai-Father" sees not the slightest reason to support his offspring in any way.

Come old age, and in spite of it all, the "offspring" will rather support the biological father in times of need, than the "Farang-Father" that basically raised him. The ultimate heartbreak !

Cheers.

[thailiketoo]

One of the first questions I would always ask a Thai lady is, does she have kids.

If the answer is "yes", it doesn't matter how hot she is, I'm gone.

I'm sure there are examples of good kids, but I'm not raising the lazy spawn of a deadbeat Thai man who is also likely to enter my life at some point and make it miserable.

If it doesn't have my DNA, it doesn't enter my life. Period.

I wish you the strength to make a wise decision.

Agree, 100%. I could have written this post.

Only problem: Here in the sticks, there can not be found a female at the age or 20, that has not AT LEAST 1 child already.

So, inevitably, the Farang gets a "package-deal". Can't think of a better way to screw-up a Farangs life. Especially if the "Thai-Father" sees not the slightest reason to support his offspring in any way.

Come old age, and in spite of it all, the "offspring" will rather support the biological father in times of need, than the "Farang-Father" that basically raised him. The ultimate heartbreak !

Cheers.

I don't live in a city. My wife is 40 and so are most of her Thai co workers. Most don't have children. One of those parallel universe things again I guess.

[marko kok prong]

You threw him out of the house because he is lazy and plays video games? Ignores his parents? Sits all day in school and sits rest of day at home? Hmmm..... He sounds like a pretty normal teenage boy.

Don't know about Thai child laws, but in some western countries child protective services would most likely get involved for kicking a 14 year old out for acting like a typical 14 year old.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

At 14 I got a whack around the head.......................Glad I did................

I got whacked round the head and kicked up the arse,did'nt do me any harm,but i do find it difficult to impose any kind of physical punishment on children that are not my own, i have to say,i am not talking here about beatings or anything like that which i would never contemplate at all,but the odd clip round the ear,i used to give my own kids in Australia,i don't know i just don't feel comfortable doing that with my stepson.

Your right, I have nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo contact with her son or daughter in our home, they have told me I am not Thai and so now I totally understand my position here. BUT, stuff is winding me up now and it is time for me to act......Her kids are 19 and 25, both shit heads that have had a life via me and NOT their revered father. See what happens.........

Feel for you buddy,just try and stay cool,hope you can work through it.

[marko kok prong]

One of the first questions I would always ask a Thai lady is, does she have kids.

If the answer is "yes", it doesn't matter how hot she is, I'm gone.

I'm sure there are examples of good kids, but I'm not raising the lazy spawn of a deadbeat Thai man who is also likely to enter my life at some point and make it miserable.

If it doesn't have my DNA, it doesn't enter my life. Period.

I wish you the strength to make a wise decision.

Agree, 100%. I could have written this post.

Only problem: Here in the sticks, there can not be found a female at the age or 20, that has not AT LEAST 1 child already.

So, inevitably, the Farang gets a "package-deal". Can't think of a better way to screw-up a Farangs life. Especially if the "Thai-Father" sees not the slightest reason to support his offspring in any way.

Come old age, and in spite of it all, the "offspring" will rather support the biological father in times of need, than the "Farang-Father" that basically raised him. The ultimate heartbreak !

Cheers.

so,so true swissie.

[varun]

One of the first questions I would always ask a Thai lady is, does she have kids.

If the answer is "yes", it doesn't matter how hot she is, I'm gone.

I'm sure there are examples of good kids, but I'm not raising the lazy spawn of a deadbeat Thai man who is also likely to enter my life at some point and make it miserable.

If it doesn't have my DNA, it doesn't enter my life. Period.

I wish you the strength to make a wise decision.

This.

[SOTIRIOS]

...think carefully....

....realize....you will never be her priority......

...secure your assets.....

...and be very careful......

....sorry to say...you may be more valuable dead than alive.....

[renaissanc]

If you are serious about solving the situation, Google search this: "stephen covey talking stick" and you will find the way to solve your problem. Good luck!

[Pinot]

One of the first questions I would always ask a Thai lady is, does she have kids.

If the answer is "yes", it doesn't matter how hot she is, I'm gone.

I'm sure there are examples of good kids, but I'm not raising the lazy spawn of a deadbeat Thai man who is also likely to enter my life at some point and make it miserable.

If it doesn't have my DNA, it doesn't enter my life. Period.

I wish you the strength to make a wise decision.

You do have a point mate,sometimes i think i would have been better off this way,but i did know from the start,and my wife is a really great lady,so i just think to myself everything is never going to be 100% perfect,any way my stepson is nothing as bad as the op's and although only 12,i said 11 before i was wrong, i really cannot see him turning out like this,his mother works hard in her shop,and i don't think, well i hope he will not end up like the op's.

I have seen Thai kids with a new foreign Dad turn out really good kids - educated, polite, respectful and helpful.

But, it's just me, and my selfish attitude, so I would make tough decisions at the start, rather than suffer potential problems later.

I give you all the credit in the world for trying and seriously hope your patience and efforts pay off.

That's known as the "the new sheriff in town" approach, sometimes it works. It depends upon a number of factors but the biggest thing is the support of the woman.

First of all, 14 year old kids are usually a problem. If they don't recognize you in the parental position and generally disrespect you, things have to change. Either his attitude or you have to surrender. Doesn't sound like you're going to surrender, so up to Mama how far you're going to take it. If she is supportive then the tough love approach has a chance (only a chance) of working.

You see this "either him or me" situation happen all over, not just Thailand.

My friend is in a constant battle with his girlfriend's nasty child. He's 5 year old.

[dutchman]

One of the first questions I would always ask a Thai lady is, does she have kids.

If the answer is "yes", it doesn't matter how hot she is, I'm gone.

I'm sure there are examples of good kids, but I'm not raising the lazy spawn of a deadbeat Thai man who is also likely to enter my life at some point and make it miserable.

If it doesn't have my DNA, it doesn't enter my life. Period.

I wish you the strength to make a wise decision.

You do have a point mate,sometimes i think i would have been better off this way,but i did know from the start,and my wife is a really great lady,so i just think to myself everything is never going to be 100% perfect,any way my stepson is nothing as bad as the op's and although only 12,i said 11 before i was wrong, i really cannot see him turning out like this,his mother works hard in her shop,and i don't think, well i hope he will not end up like the op's.

I have seen Thai kids with a new foreign Dad turn out really good kids - educated, polite, respectful and helpful.

But, it's just me, and my selfish attitude, so I would make tough decisions at the start, rather than suffer potential problems later.

I give you all the credit in the world for trying and seriously hope your patience and efforts pay off.

That's known as the "the new sheriff in town" approach, sometimes it works. It depends upon a number of factors but the biggest thing is the support of the woman.

First of all, 14 year old kids are usually a problem. If they don't recognize you in the parental position and generally disrespect you, things have to change. Either his attitude or you have to surrender. Doesn't sound like you're going to surrender, so up to Mama how far you're going to take it. If she is supportive then the tough love approach has a chance (only a chance) of working.

You see this "either him or me" situation happen all over, not just Thailand.

My friend is in a constant battle with his girlfriend's nasty child. He's 5 year old.

you re right

I wont let my life run by a kid.

not now. not tomorrow, never so bye bye

do what your want somewhere els seems the only solution by now.

no computer. no internet. no allowense and no delicious food

no travel by car no holliday not play soccer.

no more luxury lifestyle

[kannot]

Teach the brat some manners and if he wont learn tell the Mother your'e dumping them both, her choice.

[Neeranam]

NEVER get a Thai gf with a son!!!!!

99% of the time it will be disaster.

[inthepink]

you re right

I wont let my life run by a kid.

not now. not tomorrow, never so bye bye

do what your want somewhere els seems the only solution by now.

no computer. no internet. no allowense and no delicious food

no travel by car no holliday not play soccer.

no more luxury lifestyle

Do you speak to the son in Thai or English?

[Datebayo]

Man I feel sorry for you. This is so typical of Thai teenagers, especially boys. And the most irresponsible things is, their behaviour is (blindly) accepted by mamma, grandma or whoever is taking care of the kid. The only way to educate and teach them good values and behaviour is from a very young age, when they are not yet indoctrinated into Thai culture. But since this kid is already 14 and you just met him, it ain't going to happen and he will never change, not for you, the farang, which he has been brainwashed into disrespecting the farang.

The only way to make him listen is to take away his candy (computer or something to leverage on) and make rules of when he can use it or give back when he listens.

[Datebayo]

By the way, you are in a very very un-beneficial and potentially dangerous position. A Thai women with a 14 year old kid/ She favours the kid. Heed the warnings and open your eyes or crap will hit the fan sooner than later.

[marko kok prong]

I had an idea after reading some really good post's on this thread,as i said before,my major problem is with the lad throwing rubbish everywhere ,so today i told to clean up,around the shop,and told him i would give him 20 baht each day if he did this every day when he came back from school,telling him it was not good to have all this garbage around,he did a good job,and i gave him the money,but i am hoping it acheives 2 things,1 he will realise that if he works he can get money,and 2 that it's not good to throw garbage around,

[ultimate weapon]

Perhaps you should consider taking a course in parenting. It's a serious comment.

A 14 year old boy is at the stage where he is going to be like that. He's also going to have resentment to some guy who has taken up with his mother. Why should he respect you? What do you do that creates respect? Do you arguew ith his mother and raise your voice to her? Do you scream at the kid? Many foreign men have taken on a partner who comes with kids and have been successful at it. They come from all walks of life, Rich, poor, educated, uneducated, but they all seem to have some common qualities when it comes to getting the kids to listen. If one wishes to have respect, one must give respect and must act in a manner that causes respect. I have a feeling that you are probably one of those guys that issues orders and expects obedience. It doesn't work that way. Did you make an effort to know the kid? Maybe he has so much resentment to you and the way you behave that he didn't care what happened and hoped your relationship with his mother would fall apart. In any case, if the mother has moved out and is taking care of the child that speaks volumes. You have lost her and the kid. Either you seek counseling or say good bye to the relationship with that woman.

In the first place at 14 years of age he already knows the OP isn't his dad. It's the case like this all over the world that in general teenage children tend to have resentment or animosity towards their step parents. It's natural yet when i watch those american dramas where the parent has remarried and the kid around 8 years upwards is usually with his mother and around his stepfather the step dad usually tries to be very nice to the kid and the kid is kind of cold towards him and they both know he isn't the biological dad so they don't have that type of bond a real dad has with his child. That's what i see on american tv. I also have an american friend and he told he his parents are divorced and his mother remarried and he doesn't speak to his step dad at all. Like he'll acknowledge him but he's cold to him. I suppose it's like this.

[Jimbolai]

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Had two farang relationships ruined by her kids. Never again. If she has kids it's steer clear time. You will never get any thanks and will always be the outsider.

Or you can do like I did. 25 years in turmoil and finally divorced never to talk to any of them again. At 14 months, cut your losses and get out of that situation. Meet a new girl, first question, have kids. If the answer is yes, run.

[daveAustin]

Personally wouldn't shack up with a woman with a kid, in any country. However, did you try the bonding thing? Ie playing footy, down the beach, cinema, reading books together etc?

They don't get conscripted at that age do they Options: pack him off to dad/gran, boarding school, or leave.

[marko kok prong]

Perhaps you should consider taking a course in parenting. It's a serious comment.

A 14 year old boy is at the stage where he is going to be like that. He's also going to have resentment to some guy who has taken up with his mother. Why should he respect you? What do you do that creates respect? Do you arguew ith his mother and raise your voice to her? Do you scream at the kid? Many foreign men have taken on a partner who comes with kids and have been successful at it. They come from all walks of life, Rich, poor, educated, uneducated, but they all seem to have some common qualities when it comes to getting the kids to listen. If one wishes to have respect, one must give respect and must act in a manner that causes respect. I have a feeling that you are probably one of those guys that issues orders and expects obedience. It doesn't work that way. Did you make an effort to know the kid? Maybe he has so much resentment to you and the way you behave that he didn't care what happened and hoped your relationship with his mother would fall apart. In any case, if the mother has moved out and is taking care of the child that speaks volumes. You have lost her and the kid. Either you seek counseling or say good bye to the relationship with that woman.

In the first place at 14 years of age he already knows the OP isn't his dad. It's the case like this all over the world that in general teenage children tend to have resentment or animosity towards their step parents. It's natural yet when i watch those american dramas where the parent has remarried and the kid around 8 years upwards is usually with his mother and around his stepfather the step dad usually tries to be very nice to the kid and the kid is kind of cold towards him and they both know he isn't the biological dad so they don't have that type of bond a real dad has with his child. That's what i see on american tv. I also have an american friend and he told he his parents are divorced and his mother remarried and he doesn't speak to his step dad at all. Like he'll acknowledge him but he's cold to him. I suppose it's like this.

Ultimate,are you telling me then the Brady bunch was all ,just fantasy,no,it can't be true,your killing me here.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Had two farang relationships ruined by her kids. Never again. If she has kids it's steer clear time. You will never get any thanks and will always be the outsider.

Or you can do like I did. 25 years in turmoil and finally divorced never to talk to any of them again. At 14 months, cut your losses and get out of that situation. Meet a new girl, first question, have kids. If the answer is yes, run.

This one,

Life is too short to waste living it for other peoples' children.

Plenty of other girls to choose from, other mens teen sons, nearly always a problem.

Edited May 19, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[loong]

I had an idea after reading some really good post's on this thread,as i said before,my major problem is with the lad throwing rubbish everywhere ,so today i told to clean up,around the shop,and told him i would give him 20 baht each day if he did this every day when he came back from school,telling him it was not good to have all this garbage around,he did a good job,and i gave him the money,but i am hoping it acheives 2 things,1 he will realise that if he works he can get money,and 2 that it's not good to throw garbage around,

How does this teach him that it is not good to throw garbage around?

He gets money for picking up his own garbage!

If he has one brain cell working, he will chuck more garbage around and then tell you that 20 Baht is not enough and you should be paying 40.

[Lucifer]

you re right

I wont let my life run by a kid.

not now. not tomorrow, never so bye bye

do what your want somewhere els seems the only solution by now.

no computer. no internet. no allowense and no delicious food

no travel by car no holliday not play soccer.

no more luxury lifestyle

These are words of a timid and an insecure man.

All these years the son was the king and you were the fool. You now want to reverse these roles, but the son doesn't.

Time for you to walk away and not make the same mistakes again. Stay, and you'll remain the fool.

Edited May 19, 2014 by Lucifer

[buhi]

I do not want to comment, but feel I should.

I have a step son and a son with my wife.

I was always there for my step son and yes when the hormones kick in it was hell!

My wife sided with her son, but knew as father of her other son, I was head of the household.

No , not chauvinistic, being Thai.

Step son went from bad to worse, the very worst.

When released from prison he returned here. The transition was not easy, but he is in the next room to me now at this moment.

He has made some good choices of late and although we are still distant, he knows who to respect for getting him out of a mess.

[alanrchase]

Welcome to Thailand

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[rgs2001uk]

you re right

I wont let my life run by a kid.

not now. not tomorrow, never so bye bye

do what your want somewhere els seems the only solution by now.

no computer. no internet. no allowense and no delicious food

no travel by car no holliday not play soccer.

no more luxury lifestyle

These are words of a timid and an insecure man.

All these years the son was the king and you were the fool. You now want to reverse these roles, but the son doesn't.

Time for you to walk away and not make the same mistakes again. Stay, and you'll remain the fool.

He cant reverse the roles even if he wanted to, the son will always be the king in his mothers eyes.

The OP still thinking like a farang, all the things he mentions, who is paying for them, you or the mother?

I would be raging and straight round to see the Thai who ever introduced me to the mother in the first place.

If the initial meeting involved a business transaction, then all bets are off, OP made his bed now can lie in it, or pack up and move his bed elsewhere.

Gotta love these type of posts, no Thai man would stand for this sort of crap, no Thai man would have got involved in the first place.

Kon Thai 1 farang 0.

Mai pen rai rak nan nan ka.