Sinsot refund...Its time all farang say no to this outdated peasant dowry system

[streetlite]

Your arrogance shows in your display of topic:

"Sinsot refund...Its time all farang say no to this outdated peasant dowry system"

I feel sorry for the Dr. who will live with you. You, sir, are the peasant.

Edited July 23, 2014 by metisdead
Oversize font reset to normal.

[LukKrueng]

I say if you don't like it marry a non Thai girl or take your Thai GF to your country and live in according to your tradition there

[The Man Who Sold the World]

I paid approximately 250 kBht twenty years ago in Bangkok proper.

It paid for the gold bracelets, diamond engagement ring, Thai wedding ceremony with 9 Monks chanting at the Father-in-Laws apartment, the bouquet of cash presented to the Father-in-Law, the food, gifts to wedding guests. My wife's two wedding dresses, Thai traditional for the ceremony and western white for the reception. It also paid for the western reception at a fine Bangkok hotel with buffet dinner service, professional Thai dancers, professional ceremony video tape and a few hundred wedding photographs of the ceremonies and attendees.

The sin sod paid for it all. The leftover money was returned to us.

Everybody was happy. The In-laws provided a most generous show-and-tell to their friends. I was the center of attention. Their daughter had captured the interest of a wealthy Falang. This really could not have happened in a more satisfying way. Although it was the longest day of my life with the morning wedding ceremony and evening reception.

By abiding with the Thai custom two decades ago I am treated like royalty by my in-laws to this day. I would not change a thing. And, yes, back then I was very leery and put-off by this Thai custom.

Edited July 22, 2014 by The Man Who Sold the World

[canopy]

I don't understand why you felt it was necessary to cut the amount in half knowing you would get it back. The extra on display may mean nothing to you, but would make them happy on their big day and cost you nothing. You could have explored why 1M was an important show number to them so you could understand where they are coming from. Then talking it out you could have a chance of a mutually consensual agreement on the final amount. Maybe the end result would be the same, but only after developing a deeper understanding of each other more beneficial to the relationship over time.

By the way having gold and money simply for show at a wedding is nothing new even out in the remote villages. If it is the case, it is heavily gossiped like everything else, but does not seem perceived as a negative by anyone.

[spidermike007]

On a slightly different topic, how much is the groom expected to pay for the ceremony, the reception, and the food and drink? I am depending on my future in laws to handle all that. It may be for around 100 people or so, most of them friends of the family. How much for the band, the bandstand, the table and chair rentals, the food, beer, whisky, etc? The temple donation? What is considered appropriate? Approximate cost per person, or?

Lastly, I am in a similar position. I consider the dowry ridiculous. It is a relic from an ancient system. Thailand is now in the 21st century. I think. Here is what the wiki has to say about dowry. The fascinating thing about this, is that Thailand is one of the few countries in the world where the dowry is paid to the brides family. In most other countries it is paid by the brides family. Just another example of Thailand turning a custom on it's head.

A dowry is the transfer of parental property to a daughter at her marriage (i.e. inter vivos) rather than at the owner's death (mortis causa). A dowry establishes a type of conjugal fund, the nature of which may vary widely. This fund may provide an element of financial security in widowhood or against a negligent husband, and may eventually go to provide for her sons and daughters.^[1] Dowries may also go toward establishing a marital household, and therefore might consist of furnishings such as linens and furniture.

Dowry contrasts with the related concepts of bride price and dower. While bride price (or bride service) is a payment by the groom or his family to the bride's parents, dowry is the wealth transferred from the bride's family to the groom or his family, ostensibly for the bride. Similarly, dower is the property settled on the bride herself by the groom at the time of marriage and which remains under her ownership and control.^[2] Locally, dowry is called dahej in Hindi, jahez in Arabic, çeyiz in Turkish, dot in French,^[3] and in various parts of Africa as serotwana,^[4]idana, saduquat, mahari, lobola, mugtaf, andwine-carrying.^[5][6][7]

Dowry is an ancient custom, and its existence may well predate records of it. Dowries continue to be expected, and demanded as a condition to accept a marriage proposal, in some parts of the world, mainly in South Asian, Middle Eastern and North African countries. Disputes related to dowry often result in domestic violence, such as dowry deaths.^[8][9][10]

[David48]

^^ Mate, great question ... but we are deep into the topic @ page 7.

Not many venture this deep into it.

Maybe best to start a new OP?

Just a thought for you to get the best answer.

[confused american 48]

ok guys i need some real help !!! really i need to know what i can do i meet my thai wife 6 years ago on line she was to be virgin with good education we talked for about one year before going to thailand her dad started with 100k for the dowey but i went there to get engaged with the promise she would be following to the usa after i blew about 65 or 85 k i cant remember it was crazy traveling every where taking every one she could find a reason to bring with us three mega parties from hell lots of bullshit to the point i should of left then but i was to deep to stop she was coming to me right well i spent my 30 days i think my k plus and now headed back to the usa get ready for new thai wife pay saim legal for her visa but she not fill it out she not understand english ok i need send more money pay for some one help her in thai ok more time more time more excusses getting pissed ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!! her dad says she has to be married in thailand so she has friends family there and it the last her family see of her for a while ok sounded ok i was thinking of her and what would make her happy and i knew in the usa she not have any one i not have any one so thailand it is so now i hear this damm dowery again that i thought we had worked out a long time ago with this 100k dowery i am like hell no so its a every dammmm day thing on this and it not dropping much but i just blew i thinking 85k 6 months ago there so its down to 35k but i have to buy a lot of gold diamonds and pay for all these damm parties and peoples travel rooms u name it i got <deleted> over it so i spent over 65k this time and its 45 days in thailand this time so back to usa now i have to do a different visa a marriage visa more money more excusses and damm more money for a thi to help again wel more more time ohhhhhhhh shes pregnant now she cant leave now she got to have the baby there but now so far first trip i was talked into buy a used truck help her dads business with a loan for 17500k i never got back and they in return give us a piece of land close to them and a house her dad started to build being milked for this but we need house now i am promised if i sell my home at the beach in sc we could live in her house she owes while we build hers but i cant live with grandma grandpa so its go get another house all the american bathrooms in every house hot water heaters every house american toilets every house and i had to buy a real nice four door isuzu truck for her and baby and everything is supposed to be our names i am trusting my new wife and father in law to do me right i just took there family from poor to very very well off to usa standards to mega rich thai standard but no one is respecting me or treating me good or nice lots of excusses bullshit i getting bad pissed still don't have the wedding money back yet just excusses your name is in company it bought land it bought more houses it go to new mercedez and a bmw suv and a new nissan so now i wont give her dad any more money the baby is coming i not got paid back for the loan the first time yet i not got the wedding money back she never came to usa and ohhh damm i could list a hell of alot on her i trying to keep it short so now this sweet vigin girl id being a real ass i am forced to sign off on the house and land if i not going to give her dad any more money for the new company he has to borrow money on the house they gave us and land in the wedding so much bull shit its driving me nuts i feel i getting <deleted> but i got a new baby boy coming any day so she wants to go ou thear some music last time before baby comes ok sounds goo di like the tunes and show so of course i pissed need to talk to my family let them know what the hell is going on they have done everything now to keep me from talk to my family back in the states so ui use excuss to go out side cluub smoke and yes i do smoke so i am out side club talking to my parants daddys like there just <deleted> you son so im lik eyes but what do i do i got baby and new wife and they got over a 175k by this point walking back inside theres a bunch of guys as soon as i walk up inside the club they start fighting blocking me from my pregnat wife inside so well i am a biker /racer guy been turning wrenches 35 plus years and a old martail arts guy so any how i try to break it up being as nice as i can so i get to my wife inside and then there trying to kick my ass and i am throwning these guys through the air getting kicked in the back of me head being beat at from all courners and a big dude my size fighting me grabing my hands so i just got feet left any how hes got my hand is some lock so i have to snach my hand break it to get him away get back my grounds so any how i get to wife after al lhell breaks loss cops show up by the car and truck loads and every one nice because i was being nice i wasnt hitting them i just pushed hard and blocked hard and did what i had to so any how back to her dads she telles everything hes like why u not cal lme shit wel i did ok my self but hes mad and talking shit because i fighting thai people but i am trying to keep and get to my pregnant wife that is about to drop my son any day so yes three days latter little mans comes to the wolrd and standing in the hospitail with her family when they bring the baby out her dad says FIRST WORDS OUT HIS MOUTH NOW EXACT WORDS was ohhhhhhhhh that not going to work hes way to white look at your son he looks just like you !!!!! well yah what you think he going to look like so he acts mad and hurt and takes his wife and i thought at that time her sister and they leave go home so i am there got a mega cute little guy my world looking lots lots better after fighting over the house the land the money and the big damm fight so we back home and i got to go buy all this off the wall baby shit right now i mean stuff he wont need before hes a year or two so im like why and her favorite words are its the thai way and thats her favorite word when i not want to do something not understand i am being screwed to bad yet so her dad sets up this big moped show for me to go to he wants me to get up on the stage in front of a lot of drunken thai guys who have been there drinking all day that i don't know and i build harleys not mopeds but hes pushing so hard bought tickets got it for me to be on stage with the guy thats at our big office in nakhon sawan i keep telling them i not going i going to hang around the house take care of wife and baby so it night time early shes gone to bed and i mean she went to bed real early for her big time and we need drinks milk diapers so off to the e i need to go but wait wait her dad took the first truck i bought there gave to some thai guy who works for him and wife says she cant find the keys to our new truck i bought for her so she like take the motorcycle my dad bring for you to ride because i wanted to buy a real bike but they not want me spend my money use my money for company use this moped he bring well we all ready fight over it its to small im a big guy and me and wife had all ready been fight for a solid week over a helmet she kept telling me no need in Thailand i tel yes i need she trys to give me a used chuck of crap to use then we go to buy she wants me get cheapest thing there is i am like no so its a fight we go home no helmet i sneek off get a good one though before riding so back to the night i got the helmet shes says go to store so i do i am only 1 mile max from house 5 min by moped max maybe 3 in real time driving slow so i am hit so hard from behind i just know a drunk driver run me over with a car been hit before by car and i went 303 meters from where the bike fist hit the road and it was a nother thai guy that hit me with his bike and hes laying in the road and he comes another guy aiming right at my head i duck into a ball and he still hits my head ripping the top off my helment and im hurt bad been robbed while lying in the ditcht so i have 5 nice thai girls drag me out the water where i am drowning dieing this other guy is lyeing in the road dieing from head injurys the other guy is over with about 50 other this guys talking every one freaking out i was to die not there freind and i have some one cal my wife i not under stand everything theres only a couple there that talk english and it take my wife 40 to 45 min to drive the truck to get me she runs to the cops first not me i have to drag myself a good 1000 to 1500 feet to wear her and the cops are talking she says wait in truck i am like i want to know whats going on so she drives me to hospitaiol i am messed up bleeding every wear no meat left any wear on arms legs hands so they clean me up just a little at hospitail send me home i am like what i need stay right but wife says they say u can leave so its back to house but i cant walk i am messed up and missing skin meat every wear then its when i can walk move w egot to go to police station and its a lil while to get there but i hear her and her dad out side talking if i died they would have got like 3 and a half million dollars because a accident pay off at three and a half times face value so now i am <deleted> scared for my life whats going on this is my wife right andf the man i just made rich well its time for the police i ask i need lawyer no it worked out with her dads cop freind you got to pay him 10k and everything ok i like why i got to pay i not do anything they all most kill me it the thai way so we al at the police station her her i thought sister but learn it her daughte rbut she stil lies about it but she has called her her daughte rwhen you catcht her off her gaurde so they tel i got to pay kids family because he dead and i need to give them my retirement for al my life i am like no way this is my wife sitting next to me bleeding me out of every <deleted> penny i can get for something not my fault and stil wants my retirement ohhhh shits getting <deleted> deep now so i finnally get that so called worked out i want the us embassy i am told until i pay off every one i not leave the country so me an dmy family are flipping out i am scared to death bad i think my wife is working with her dad to have me killed for life and accident insurance so i say we go to beach i want out the area closer to air port but i am told until i pay off i cant leave so i want the american embassy so wife is fighting me again mega bad this time trust her dad he work out everything you just trust him and me and pay off them people everything going to be ok after that so i am like there is no more money to give shes like give u retirment it be ok i say hell no i cal embassey we are in a restraunt in pattaya with htis going on she throws the phone to me and i cal tel them everything i can shes standing out there yelling at me for trust her dad while i trying to talk they tel stay there they get me out of there and a medicail emergencey flight home they did so back in states messed up so bad and theres been other guys she has done me wrong with before al this from day one she was bad but she was a good girl not a bar girl a good girl good education good family ya right any how i talk talk to her a allmost a year agin i am in love or i wouldnt have been there just got marride new baby and they have over 190k at this point so i got to know in my heart is she helping her dad or is it just her dad i been staying away from him at al cost since that night and deal havnt been back to there town because no trust him or the cops there now and i just land and she does some more weird stuff shes trying to get me to drive this raggy damm peace of shit from her aunts in bkk to lampang for her dad to fisx it up i am like i not can walk u think i going to build a car i not can even get in that so she bugs me all day and preasures me bad this goes on the whole first 7 days we are in bkk fighting over me drive this damm car and i not so finnally its back to the house in lampane not the other two we have in nakhon sawan and theres five other times shes trying shit thats not right she takes off again for 9 days to go party with her dad leaves me mno wheels no money no nothing just sit wait while she goes to party with dad its the second time she has done this and remind you i have never ever got to be alone with this girl any where more than three days was max her dad shows up she got too go back to work i take the last of my money give to her to fix the company in lampang that we was to close upo for her dad it was failing before we moved to chain mai so now i am there we use my americcan ideas and bamm it takes off to the moon and then its time to go back to usa and she rides me around al day and dosent let me see my kid before i leave its a messed up deal i never got to be with my son when he was fors tborn her dad and mom had him when they tried to kill me she used that for excuss then this time i was there 11 days he is talking understanding english she s says no he thai kid so she hires a girl to take care of him from mourning to night i dont get to see or play with him al day only see at night for dinner and bed time and same thing the whole 90 days i am there so i back here broke living in the street for real and then to a storage building shes got four plus million baght in just the one company bank account wont giv eme shit and now i conplain because i find out a bout a austrian guy she fooled around with and she lost a baby and a texas guy and a few thia guys and then she kept talking about some guy in canada new zeland and some where else i picssed and i just find out theres some guy in sinapore she wants to go travle with he going to pay her i raise hel then theres some guy in a band thats a popular band there or use to be so she dumps me and is moving back to her killer dad with my son and is going to leave the baby there and go travle with this other guy build his busiess for him and i am sitting her in the usa and i dont know what to do any body help me any one know a good lawyer she did write me out a contract saying she wil give me back 120k foir the boggus marrige i was conned into but she wants five years to pay me back and has not paid a dime yet what can i do my life is ruined there rich shes a scammer kille rlike her dad

[David48]

^^ sandman ... help.

Reading that above, I'm feeling

[David48]

Forgot to add ... confused american 48 ... that is truly an awesome first post.

If you were in the Army ... above and beyond the Call of Duty.

Sir, I Salute you for effort ... ... if not for readability ... definitely not readability!

[Grindting]

Confused 48, if I were you I'd put a Full Stop to all that nonsense

Edited July 23, 2014 by Grindting

[The Man Who Sold the World]

confused american 48;

I don't see why your confused. It all makes perfect sense to me.

[A1Str8]

confused american 48;

I don't see why your confused. It all makes perfect sense to me.

How much did you sell it for?

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[The Man Who Sold the World]

Fairly cheap, it is a rust bucket you know. Had to put it in the discount rack. Even then it was very hard to find a taker.

[Morakot]

Confused 48, if I were you I'd put a Full Stop to all that nonsense

Paragraphs may help too.

[thaibeachlovers]

On a slightly different topic, how much is the groom expected to pay for the ceremony, the reception, and the food and drink? I am depending on my future in laws to handle all that. It may be for around 100 people or so, most of them friends of the family. How much for the band, the bandstand, the table and chair rentals, the food, beer, whisky, etc? The temple donation? What is considered appropriate? Approximate cost per person, or?

Lastly, I am in a similar position. I consider the dowry ridiculous. It is a relic from an ancient system. Thailand is now in the 21st century. I think. Here is what the wiki has to say about dowry. The fascinating thing about this, is that Thailand is one of the few countries in the world where the dowry is paid to the brides family. In most other countries it is paid by the brides family. Just another example of Thailand turning a custom on it's head.

A dowry is the transfer of parental property to a daughter at her marriage (i.e. inter vivos) rather than at the owner's death (mortis causa). A dowry establishes a type of conjugal fund, the nature of which may vary widely. This fund may provide an element of financial security in widowhood or against a negligent husband, and may eventually go to provide for her sons and daughters.^[1] Dowries may also go toward establishing a marital household, and therefore might consist of furnishings such as linens and furniture.

Dowry contrasts with the related concepts of bride price and dower. While bride price (or bride service) is a payment by the groom or his family to the bride's parents, dowry is the wealth transferred from the bride's family to the groom or his family, ostensibly for the bride. Similarly, dower is the property settled on the bride herself by the groom at the time of marriage and which remains under her ownership and control.^[2] Locally, dowry is called dahej in Hindi, jahez in Arabic, çeyiz in Turkish, dot in French,^[3] and in various parts of Africa as serotwana,^[4]idana, saduquat, mahari, lobola, mugtaf, andwine-carrying.^[5][6][7]

Dowry is an ancient custom, and its existence may well predate records of it. Dowries continue to be expected, and demanded as a condition to accept a marriage proposal, in some parts of the world, mainly in South Asian, Middle Eastern and North African countries. Disputes related to dowry often result in domestic violence, such as dowry deaths.^[8][9][10]

<how much is the groom expected to pay for the ceremony, the reception, and the food and drink?>

Everything if you are a mug.

If my rellies had insisted on such, they'd have got the middle finger.

[thaibeachlovers]

Re #157 ( I'm not quoting all that )

< i hear her and her dad out side talking if i died they would have got like 3 and a half million dollars because a accident pay off at three and a half times face value >

So, two THAI people are talking in English so he can understand 55555555555555555555

Nice try

[koolkarl]

A dowry is to be paid by woman's parents to the man so that they can have a start in life.

This definition can be looked up on the net.

It astounds me that men actually pay or are considering paying considerable amounts of money to girl's parents. This is ridiculous

as he is taking her, a liabilty, off the parent's hands.

And if girl's parents say the payment should go to her parents, walk.

[spidermike007]

On a slightly different topic, how much is the groom expected to pay for the ceremony, the reception, and the food and drink? I am depending on my future in laws to handle all that. It may be for around 100 people or so, most of them friends of the family. How much for the band, the bandstand, the table and chair rentals, the food, beer, whisky, etc? The temple donation? What is considered appropriate? Approximate cost per person, or?

Lastly, I am in a similar position. I consider the dowry ridiculous. It is a relic from an ancient system. Thailand is now in the 21st century. I think. Here is what the wiki has to say about dowry. The fascinating thing about this, is that Thailand is one of the few countries in the world where the dowry is paid to the brides family. In most other countries it is paid by the brides family. Just another example of Thailand turning a custom on it's head.

A dowry is the transfer of parental property to a daughter at her marriage (i.e. inter vivos) rather than at the owner's death (mortis causa). A dowry establishes a type of conjugal fund, the nature of which may vary widely. This fund may provide an element of financial security in widowhood or against a negligent husband, and may eventually go to provide for her sons and daughters.^[1] Dowries may also go toward establishing a marital household, and therefore might consist of furnishings such as linens and furniture.

Dowry contrasts with the related concepts of bride price and dower. While bride price (or bride service) is a payment by the groom or his family to the bride's parents, dowry is the wealth transferred from the bride's family to the groom or his family, ostensibly for the bride. Similarly, dower is the property settled on the bride herself by the groom at the time of marriage and which remains under her ownership and control.^[2] Locally, dowry is called dahej in Hindi, jahez in Arabic, çeyiz in Turkish, dot in French,^[3] and in various parts of Africa as serotwana,^[4]idana, saduquat, mahari, lobola, mugtaf, andwine-carrying.^[5][6][7]

Dowry is an ancient custom, and its existence may well predate records of it. Dowries continue to be expected, and demanded as a condition to accept a marriage proposal, in some parts of the world, mainly in South Asian, Middle Eastern and North African countries. Disputes related to dowry often result in domestic violence, such as dowry deaths.^[8][9][10]

Everything if you are a mug.

If my rellies had insisted on such, they'd have got the middle finger.

Mind sharing details of how you worked it out?

Thanks.

Spidermike007

[Chernsarmkhuat]

I hate to be the serious one but according to the book "Culture shock Thailand" which I recently read though I have been here for donkey years. The parents of the bride expect her to marry someone who has some social standing in Thailand. Foreigners have no social standing and therefore have to pay more of a dowry. It made some sense to me when I read it but the book would have said it better, I don't have a copy here to refer to.

[Brit_Doggie]

Unless you only need the wife for the reduced income amount requirement, then dont get married, no sinsot or tears if your blown away.

[The Man Who Sold the World]

On a slightly different topic, how much is the groom expected to pay for the ceremony, the reception, and the food and drink? I am depending on my future in laws to handle all that. It may be for around 100 people or so, most of them friends of the family. How much for the band, the bandstand, the table and chair rentals, the food, beer, whisky, etc? The temple donation? What is considered appropriate? Approximate cost per person, or?

Lastly, I am in a similar position. I consider the dowry ridiculous. It is a relic from an ancient system. Thailand is now in the 21st century. I think. Here is what the wiki has to say about dowry. The fascinating thing about this, is that Thailand is one of the few countries in the world where the dowry is paid to the brides family. In most other countries it is paid by the brides family. Just another example of Thailand turning a custom on it's head.

A dowry is the transfer of parental property to a daughter at her marriage (i.e. inter vivos) rather than at the owner's death (mortis causa). A dowry establishes a type of conjugal fund, the nature of which may vary widely. This fund may provide an element of financial security in widowhood or against a negligent husband, and may eventually go to provide for her sons and daughters.^[1] Dowries may also go toward establishing a marital household, and therefore might consist of furnishings such as linens and furniture.

Dowry contrasts with the related concepts of bride price and dower. While bride price (or bride service) is a payment by the groom or his family to the bride's parents, dowry is the wealth transferred from the bride's family to the groom or his family, ostensibly for the bride. Similarly, dower is the property settled on the bride herself by the groom at the time of marriage and which remains under her ownership and control.^[2] Locally, dowry is called dahej in Hindi, jahez in Arabic, çeyiz in Turkish, dot in French,^[3] and in various parts of Africa as serotwana,^[4]idana, saduquat, mahari, lobola, mugtaf, andwine-carrying.^[5][6][7]

Dowry is an ancient custom, and its existence may well predate records of it. Dowries continue to be expected, and demanded as a condition to accept a marriage proposal, in some parts of the world, mainly in South Asian, Middle Eastern and North African countries. Disputes related to dowry often result in domestic violence, such as dowry deaths.^[8][9][10]

spidermike007;

There is no fixed amount (how long is a piece of string question). In my case, I provided my bride to be with a month's salary in cash and told her work with it. Herself, her sisters and her friends handled all the arrangements. There really was no negotiations, I kind of set the price in that "this is how much I can afford". They did a fantastic job. Delivering quite a bit more than I thought would be possible. However, a coordinated group of Thai females on a shopping spree with a budget are a formidable and effective task force.

My role in all of this was to show up on the wedding day. They had even provided a chauffer to make sure I didn't (umm) get "lost" on the way.

[Bernard Flint]

ok guys i need some real help !!! really i need to know what i can do i meet my thai wife 6 years ago on line she was to be virgin with good education we talked for about one year before going to thailand her dad started with 100k for the dowey but i went there to get engaged with the promise she would be following to the usa after i blew about 65 or 85 k i cant remember it was crazy traveling every where taking every one she could find a reason to bring with us three mega parties from hell lots of bullshit to the point i should of left then but i was to deep to stop she was coming to me right well i spent my 30 days i think my k plus and now headed back to the usa get ready for new thai wife pay saim legal for her visa but she not fill it out she not understand english ok i need send more money pay for some one help her in thai ok more time more time more excusses getting pissed ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!! her dad says she has to be married in thailand so she has friends family there and it the last her family see of her for a while ok sounded ok i was thinking of her and what would make her happy and i knew in the usa she not have any one i not have any one so thailand it is so now i hear this damm dowery again that i thought we had worked out a long time ago with this 100k dowery i am like hell no so its a every dammmm day thing on this and it not dropping much but i just blew i thinking 85k 6 months ago there so its down to 35k but i have to buy a lot of gold diamonds and pay for all these damm parties and peoples travel rooms u name it i got <deleted> over it so i spent over 65k this time and its 45 days in thailand this time so back to usa now i have to do a different visa a marriage visa more money more excusses and damm more money for a thi to help again wel more more time ohhhhhhhh shes pregnant now she cant leave now she got to have the baby there but now so far first trip i was talked into buy a used truck help her dads business with a loan for 17500k i never got back and they in return give us a piece of land close to them and a house her dad started to build being milked for this but we need house now i am promised if i sell my home at the beach in sc we could live in her house she owes while we build hers but i cant live with grandma grandpa so its go get another house all the american bathrooms in every house hot water heaters every house american toilets every house and i had to buy a real nice four door isuzu truck for her and baby and everything is supposed to be our names i am trusting my new wife and father in law to do me right i just took there family from poor to very very well off to usa standards to mega rich thai standard but no one is respecting me or treating me good or nice lots of excusses bullshit i getting bad pissed still don't have the wedding money back yet just excusses your name is in company it bought land it bought more houses it go to new mercedez and a bmw suv and a new nissan so now i wont give her dad any more money the baby is coming i not got paid back for the loan the first time yet i not got the wedding money back she never came to usa and ohhh damm i could list a hell of alot on her i trying to keep it short so now this sweet vigin girl id being a real ass i am forced to sign off on the house and land if i not going to give her dad any more money for the new company he has to borrow money on the house they gave us and land in the wedding so much bull shit its driving me nuts i feel i getting <deleted> but i got a new baby boy coming any day so she wants to go ou thear some music last time before baby comes ok sounds goo di like the tunes and show so of course i pissed need to talk to my family let them know what the hell is going on they have done everything now to keep me from talk to my family back in the states so ui use excuss to go out side cluub smoke and yes i do smoke so i am out side club talking to my parants daddys like there just <deleted> you son so im lik eyes but what do i do i got baby and new wife and they got over a 175k by this point walking back inside theres a bunch of guys as soon as i walk up inside the club they start fighting blocking me from my pregnat wife inside so well i am a biker /racer guy been turning wrenches 35 plus years and a old martail arts guy so any how i try to break it up being as nice as i can so i get to my wife inside and then there trying to kick my ass and i am throwning these guys through the air getting kicked in the back of me head being beat at from all courners and a big dude my size fighting me grabing my hands so i just got feet left any how hes got my hand is some lock so i have to snach my hand break it to get him away get back my grounds so any how i get to wife after al lhell breaks loss cops show up by the car and truck loads and every one nice because i was being nice i wasnt hitting them i just pushed hard and blocked hard and did what i had to so any how back to her dads she telles everything hes like why u not cal lme shit wel i did ok my self but hes mad and talking shit because i fighting thai people but i am trying to keep and get to my pregnant wife that is about to drop my son any day so yes three days latter little mans comes to the wolrd and standing in the hospitail with her family when they bring the baby out her dad says FIRST WORDS OUT HIS MOUTH NOW EXACT WORDS was ohhhhhhhhh that not going to work hes way to white look at your son he looks just like you !!!!! well yah what you think he going to look like so he acts mad and hurt and takes his wife and i thought at that time her sister and they leave go home so i am there got a mega cute little guy my world looking lots lots better after fighting over the house the land the money and the big damm fight so we back home and i got to go buy all this off the wall baby shit right now i mean stuff he wont need before hes a year or two so im like why and her favorite words are its the thai way and thats her favorite word when i not want to do something not understand i am being screwed to bad yet so her dad sets up this big moped show for me to go to he wants me to get up on the stage in front of a lot of drunken thai guys who have been there drinking all day that i don't know and i build harleys not mopeds but hes pushing so hard bought tickets got it for me to be on stage with the guy thats at our big office in nakhon sawan i keep telling them i not going i going to hang around the house take care of wife and baby so it night time early shes gone to bed and i mean she went to bed real early for her big time and we need drinks milk diapers so off to the e i need to go but wait wait her dad took the first truck i bought there gave to some thai guy who works for him and wife says she cant find the keys to our new truck i bought for her so she like take the motorcycle my dad bring for you to ride because i wanted to buy a real bike but they not want me spend my money use my money for company use this moped he bring well we all ready fight over it its to small im a big guy and me and wife had all ready been fight for a solid week over a helmet she kept telling me no need in Thailand i tel yes i need she trys to give me a used chuck of crap to use then we go to buy she wants me get cheapest thing there is i am like no so its a fight we go home no helmet i sneek off get a good one though before riding so back to the night i got the helmet shes says go to store so i do i am only 1 mile max from house 5 min by moped max maybe 3 in real time driving slow so i am hit so hard from behind i just know a drunk driver run me over with a car been hit before by car and i went 303 meters from where the bike fist hit the road and it was a nother thai guy that hit me with his bike and hes laying in the road and he comes another guy aiming right at my head i duck into a ball and he still hits my head ripping the top off my helment and im hurt bad been robbed while lying in the ditcht so i have 5 nice thai girls drag me out the water where i am drowning dieing this other guy is lyeing in the road dieing from head injurys the other guy is over with about 50 other this guys talking every one freaking out i was to die not there freind and i have some one cal my wife i not under stand everything theres only a couple there that talk english and it take my wife 40 to 45 min to drive the truck to get me she runs to the cops first not me i have to drag myself a good 1000 to 1500 feet to wear her and the cops are talking she says wait in truck i am like i want to know whats going on so she drives me to hospitaiol i am messed up bleeding every wear no meat left any wear on arms legs hands so they clean me up just a little at hospitail send me home i am like what i need stay right but wife says they say u can leave so its back to house but i cant walk i am messed up and missing skin meat every wear then its when i can walk move w egot to go to police station and its a lil while to get there but i hear her and her dad out side talking if i died they would have got like 3 and a half million dollars because a accident pay off at three and a half times face value so now i am <deleted> scared for my life whats going on this is my wife right andf the man i just made rich well its time for the police i ask i need lawyer no it worked out with her dads cop freind you got to pay him 10k and everything ok i like why i got to pay i not do anything they all most kill me it the thai way so we al at the police station her her i thought sister but learn it her daughte rbut she stil lies about it but she has called her her daughte rwhen you catcht her off her gaurde so they tel i got to pay kids family because he dead and i need to give them my retirement for al my life i am like no way this is my wife sitting next to me bleeding me out of every <deleted> penny i can get for something not my fault and stil wants my retirement ohhhh shits getting <deleted> deep now so i finnally get that so called worked out i want the us embassy i am told until i pay off every one i not leave the country so me an dmy family are flipping out i am scared to death bad i think my wife is working with her dad to have me killed for life and accident insurance so i say we go to beach i want out the area closer to air port but i am told until i pay off i cant leave so i want the american embassy so wife is fighting me again mega bad this time trust her dad he work out everything you just trust him and me and pay off them people everything going to be ok after that so i am like there is no more money to give shes like give u retirment it be ok i say hell no i cal embassey we are in a restraunt in pattaya with htis going on she throws the phone to me and i cal tel them everything i can shes standing out there yelling at me for trust her dad while i trying to talk they tel stay there they get me out of there and a medicail emergencey flight home they did so back in states messed up so bad and theres been other guys she has done me wrong with before al this from day one she was bad but she was a good girl not a bar girl a good girl good education good family ya right any how i talk talk to her a allmost a year agin i am in love or i wouldnt have been there just got marride new baby and they have over 190k at this point so i got to know in my heart is she helping her dad or is it just her dad i been staying away from him at al cost since that night and deal havnt been back to there town because no trust him or the cops there now and i just land and she does some more weird stuff shes trying to get me to drive this raggy damm peace of shit from her aunts in bkk to lampang for her dad to fisx it up i am like i not can walk u think i going to build a car i not can even get in that so she bugs me all day and preasures me bad this goes on the whole first 7 days we are in bkk fighting over me drive this damm car and i not so finnally its back to the house in lampane not the other two we have in nakhon sawan and theres five other times shes trying shit thats not right she takes off again for 9 days to go party with her dad leaves me mno wheels no money no nothing just sit wait while she goes to party with dad its the second time she has done this and remind you i have never ever got to be alone with this girl any where more than three days was max her dad shows up she got too go back to work i take the last of my money give to her to fix the company in lampang that we was to close upo for her dad it was failing before we moved to chain mai so now i am there we use my americcan ideas and bamm it takes off to the moon and then its time to go back to usa and she rides me around al day and dosent let me see my kid before i leave its a messed up deal i never got to be with my son when he was fors tborn her dad and mom had him when they tried to kill me she used that for excuss then this time i was there 11 days he is talking understanding english she s says no he thai kid so she hires a girl to take care of him from mourning to night i dont get to see or play with him al day only see at night for dinner and bed time and same thing the whole 90 days i am there so i back here broke living in the street for real and then to a storage building shes got four plus million baght in just the one company bank account wont giv eme shit and now i conplain because i find out a bout a austrian guy she fooled around with and she lost a baby and a texas guy and a few thia guys and then she kept talking about some guy in canada new zeland and some where else i picssed and i just find out theres some guy in sinapore she wants to go travle with he going to pay her i raise hel then theres some guy in a band thats a popular band there or use to be so she dumps me and is moving back to her killer dad with my son and is going to leave the baby there and go travle with this other guy build his busiess for him and i am sitting her in the usa and i dont know what to do any body help me any one know a good lawyer she did write me out a contract saying she wil give me back 120k foir the boggus marrige i was conned into but she wants five years to pay me back and has not paid a dime yet what can i do my life is ruined there rich shes a scammer kille rlike her dad

Jesus christ SIR, is this tinglish,or are you an english teacher.

[The Man Who Sold the World]

The other side to the sin sod issue is common sense.

In general terms we Falang are marrying into an impoverished family (exceptions to this do apply). Take into account the fact that we have the ability to live where we want, foreign or domestic. For the most part the Thai’s don’t. Go to your Embassy and look at the long lines of Thai’s applying for a visa, hoping for a chance to leave Thailand, knowing their chance of receiving a visa are slim, almost futile. We, on the other hand can pick and choose where we want to live. Relatively speaking, we are well off.

The bride price is a part of their culture. Period. No way around it. Male Thai’s pay sin sod. Why should a Falang or foreign male marrying a Thai female feel exempted from this practice. To skip the bride price get your girlfriend a fiancé visa and marry her in your home country.

Your brides family cannot afford to provide a wedding ceremony befitting a marriage to a foreigner. Although you might not care, Thai social protocol dictates an “elaborate” ceremony befitting the occasion of marriage to a foreigner.

If you are marrying in Thailand you (the male) bear the responsibility for providing a culturally acceptable ceremony.

As foreigners we have a hard time wrapping our minds around the Thai culture. We have to accept it, regardless of how much non-sense it seem to be. After all, you are in their country. Life is a two way street and when they are in our home countries they must accept our culture.

[spidermike007]

Ok, let me ask once again. Beyond the dowry crap, what is reasonable, in terms of cost, for a wedding, temple, donation, reception, etc., for about 100 people, in a Thai village? I want my wife to be proud and do not want to penny pinch, but I want the family to be fair with me. We will be hiring a band, a stage, tables, chairs, PA system, booze, food, etc. What do you guys think is fair and reasonable? Any estimates?

Spidermike

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

[The Man Who Sold the World]

In 2014, the average cost of a U.S. wedding is between $27K-$29K (honeymoon not included).

28k X .4 (40%) = USD 11k

11k X 31 Bt/USD = 341kBt

Round up to 350 kBt

adjust as appropriate

Edited July 24, 2014 by The Man Who Sold the World

[thaitakeaway]

"... and ohhh damm i could list a hell of alot on her i trying to keep it short..."

Jesus christ SIR, is this tinglish,or are you an english teacher.

Bernard, our very confused american friend gave us all the BG we need - him been fixing dah motorbikes more than 35 years, probly no very good in skool so him sent to work with da tools no university man like you and me. Just like don't you mess with him in some dark alley neither in Chiang Mai or someplace in Alabama because he still remembers all the martial arts moves. But money? He has plenty enough to throw at some pretty thai woman who proved to be the world's best scammer. 'Nuff said, and written. And to think I never read trashy novels.

[thaibeachlovers]

On a slightly different topic, how much is the groom expected to pay for the ceremony, the reception, and the food and drink? I am depending on my future in laws to handle all that. It may be for around 100 people or so, most of them friends of the family. How much for the band, the bandstand, the table and chair rentals, the food, beer, whisky, etc? The temple donation? What is considered appropriate? Approximate cost per person, or?

Lastly, I am in a similar position. I consider the dowry ridiculous. It is a relic from an ancient system. Thailand is now in the 21st century. I think. Here is what the wiki has to say about dowry. The fascinating thing about this, is that Thailand is one of the few countries in the world where the dowry is paid to the brides family. In most other countries it is paid by the brides family. Just another example of Thailand turning a custom on it's head.

A dowry is the transfer of parental property to a daughter at her marriage (i.e. inter vivos) rather than at the owner's death (mortis causa). A dowry establishes a type of conjugal fund, the nature of which may vary widely. This fund may provide an element of financial security in widowhood or against a negligent husband, and may eventually go to provide for her sons and daughters.^[1] Dowries may also go toward establishing a marital household, and therefore might consist of furnishings such as linens and furniture.

Dowry contrasts with the related concepts of bride price and dower. While bride price (or bride service) is a payment by the groom or his family to the bride's parents, dowry is the wealth transferred from the bride's family to the groom or his family, ostensibly for the bride. Similarly, dower is the property settled on the bride herself by the groom at the time of marriage and which remains under her ownership and control.^[2] Locally, dowry is called dahej in Hindi, jahez in Arabic, çeyiz in Turkish, dot in French,^[3] and in various parts of Africa as serotwana,^[4]idana, saduquat, mahari, lobola, mugtaf, andwine-carrying.^[5][6][7]

Dowry is an ancient custom, and its existence may well predate records of it. Dowries continue to be expected, and demanded as a condition to accept a marriage proposal, in some parts of the world, mainly in South Asian, Middle Eastern and North African countries. Disputes related to dowry often result in domestic violence, such as dowry deaths.^[8][9][10]

Everything if you are a mug.

If my rellies had insisted on such, they'd have got the middle finger.

Mind sharing details of how you worked it out?

Thanks.

Spidermike007

The legal marriage is at the office. There is no necessity to have a party/ ceremony/ monks/ wedding dresses/ food/ drink etc etc.

The after legality celebration is for the benefit of the Thai family, not for the farang, so if they want all that they can pay for it themselves.

When I got married she and I went to the office on her m'bike. We dressed tidily as one does for any government office in Thailand. Signed the paper, the clerk took a photo of us. Job done.

Nothing else is required.

[Grindting]

Ok, let me ask once again. Beyond the dowry crap, what is reasonable, in terms of cost, for a wedding, temple, donation, reception, etc., for about 100 people, in a Thai village? I want my wife to be proud and do not want to penny pinch, but I want the family to be fair with me. We will be hiring a band, a stage, tables, chairs, PA system, booze, food, etc. What do you guys think is fair and reasonable? Any estimates?

Spidermike

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect

Reasonable is relative to the wealth of the family and or the idiot farang groom who is going to shell out for all of it (much like myself back in the day)

[Grindting]

On a slightly different topic, how much is the groom expected to pay for the ceremony, the reception, and the food and drink? I am depending on my future in laws to handle all that. It may be for around 100 people or so, most of them friends of the family. How much for the band, the bandstand, the table and chair rentals, the food, beer, whisky, etc? The temple donation? What is considered appropriate? Approximate cost per person, or?

Lastly, I am in a similar position. I consider the dowry ridiculous. It is a relic from an ancient system. Thailand is now in the 21st century. I think. Here is what the wiki has to say about dowry. The fascinating thing about this, is that Thailand is one of the few countries in the world where the dowry is paid to the brides family. In most other countries it is paid by the brides family. Just another example of Thailand turning a custom on it's head.

A dowry is the transfer of parental property to a daughter at her marriage (i.e. inter vivos) rather than at the owner's death (mortis causa). A dowry establishes a type of conjugal fund, the nature of which may vary widely. This fund may provide an element of financial security in widowhood or against a negligent husband, and may eventually go to provide for her sons and daughters.^[1] Dowries may also go toward establishing a marital household, and therefore might consist of furnishings such as linens and furniture.

Dowry contrasts with the related concepts of bride price and dower. While bride price (or bride service) is a payment by the groom or his family to the bride's parents, dowry is the wealth transferred from the bride's family to the groom or his family, ostensibly for the bride. Similarly, dower is the property settled on the bride herself by the groom at the time of marriage and which remains under her ownership and control.^[2] Locally, dowry is called dahej in Hindi, jahez in Arabic, çeyiz in Turkish, dot in French,^[3] and in various parts of Africa as serotwana,^[4]idana, saduquat, mahari, lobola, mugtaf, andwine-carrying.^[5][6][7]

Dowry is an ancient custom, and its existence may well predate records of it. Dowries continue to be expected, and demanded as a condition to accept a marriage proposal, in some parts of the world, mainly in South Asian, Middle Eastern and North African countries. Disputes related to dowry often result in domestic violence, such as dowry deaths.^[8][9][10]

Everything if you are a mug.

If my rellies had insisted on such, they'd have got the middle finger.

Mind sharing details of how you worked it out?

Thanks.

Spidermike007

The legal marriage is at the office. There is no necessity to have a party/ ceremony/ monks/ wedding dresses/ food/ drink etc etc.

The after legality celebration is for the benefit of the Thai family, not for the farang, so if they want all that they can pay for it themselves.

When I got married she and I went to the office on her m'bike. We dressed tidily as one does for any government office in Thailand. Signed the paper, the clerk took a photo of us. Job done.

Nothing else is required.

You are my hero

[I Like Thai]

ok guys i need some real help !!! really i need to know what i can do i meet my thai wife 6 years ago on line she was to be virgin with good education we talked for about one year before going to thailand her dad started with 100k for the dowey but i went there to get engaged with the promise she would be following to the usa after i blew about 65 or 85 k i cant remember it was crazy traveling every where taking every one she could find a reason to bring with us three mega parties from hell lots of bullshit to the point i should of left then but i was to deep to stop she was coming to me right well i spent my 30 days i think my k plus and now headed back to the usa get ready for new thai wife pay saim legal for her visa but she not fill it out she not understand english ok i need send more money pay for some one help her in thai ok more time more time more excusses getting pissed

You're English not American. The word of is a mongrelisation of the word HAVE. English people drop the H so HAVE becomes AVE. Regional accents then pronounce this OVE and on forums it is then spelled OF by some English people. But not Americans.