Sorry for taking so long to post an update, and thanks for the sensitive feedback I got both on the thread and in pm.

I moved out last week and took all my stuff (bed, sofa, chairs, fridge...) + electricity, windows and doors which might come handy at some point. My brother in law who is an intelligent english teacher (trained in Japan) was really sad for me and said I was welcome back to visit anytime; I spoke with a couple friends in the village and explained the situation, they were either surprised or answered with bor pen njang or suggesting I find a new wife as mine "kin falang mai". her sisters with whom she is very close said they knew nothing about the whereabouts of my wife who'd been away for a whole week; she told me she was staying with her new boyfriend and not coming back!

Although I initially planned to stay a bit and see how things go she threatened to call the police and the Naiban so I realized it was time to go and avoid problems for both myself and the family, I think police have grown tired of being called upon for these type of problems... I moved everything with a couple of friends under the general indifference of everyone (playing cards as usual); I gave my good bye to everyone at night fall and we drove off. (no one was surprised when we unmounted windows and doors...)

My neighbor who used to be the naiban said that if we had been married she could not have gotten away with something like that, but there's no bai tegan (mariage certificate) as I never felt comfortable getting married in the first place. I did make mistakes in the past but had recently decided to stay away from other girls; looking back at how I've been treated this past year, with demands for more money and a general lack of love/support on both parts the thing is now over; I consider myself quite ok and am staying with some good lao friends outside Vientiane and having 'only' lost the house I built, about 400k baht. I was prepared since day one to loose this if things went wrong.

Hopefully something good will come out of this, I've had a couple presentations of potential new wives already but I'm in no rush, I'll take it day by day and see what comes up, and I won't be building a house on the wife's land any time soon!

Congratulations, and well done for taking the decisive action as you have done.

It will hurt for a while and you come across as both realistic and balanced - dare I say somewhat unlike some of the responses you received - but you are probably getting out at the best time. If I read your thread properly, you are only 40... you are a catch in anyone's terms (I mean for a lady, I don't bat left-handed!) and just take the time to get your balance back.

I had the same experience with a serial type myself two years ago, even got to meet two of her other husbands here in Thailand (the Internet is a wonderful thing). As long as you are straight and honest there are a million great people out there, go find yourself one*.

There are enough stories in Thailand, and one would imagine the same may apply in neighbouring countries, where reluctant falangs who don't realise they have been cooked try and hang on and end up visiting the local crocodile farm with a one-way ticket.

Best of luck and hope it works out for you - Me

* Yes, they do exist and yes, I did find one but I had to look hard!

Really, it is up to you to decide what is right for you in respect with your relationship.... so don't listen to the peanut gallery. Unfaithfulness can only be judged in the context of what is the common agreement about the rules of your relationship. I assume that you have a problem with it because of the posting.... but that is what you will have to decide. I have to respect the fact that she is being honest with you (not sure if she sees you the same way and is just trading up). For each their own.

Was posting for the original post and did not read the update.

400K is nothing for a breakup of a marriage, it is probably cheaper than the legal fees in the west

Look forward, not back and you will do well. I would not be surprised if you had a call from your (ex-)wife before the year is out. She was looking for more status, but likely will suffer because of it.

Well done, Mr Surprise. And nice touch with the doors and windows.

You wrote:

looking back at how I've been treated this past year, with demands for more money and a general lack of love/support on both parts the thing is now over

Hind sight is 20/20, isn't it? I've had the same clarity of vision after finally shedding a couple of GFs and wondered what the heck I was thinking. When I finally "disappeared" from one (changed countries) and SMSed another (from another country), it was with a great sense of relief. It was then that I realized how little I was getting out of the relationship and how much stress that was causing. I am now inclined to quit any relationship at the first sign that this is not going to get any better. Vet and forget. But I really don't want anything new any more, at least not in Thailand. Enough said. As for Laos, I have no experience.

took the doors and windows, I like your style, well done mate.

Wow, Laos is often full of surprises for the open minded, and I've been (positively?) hit by an extraordinary development which I describe in the following thread:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/765174-i-left-my-lao-wife-and-was-told-i-could-be-surprised/

as ive postedn on your linked thread, this a TROLL thread.