Everyone Leers at My Daughter

[Mario2008]

Some posts asking for pics, as well as some comments to it, removed.

I don't consider them funny.

[canuckamuck]

Got three daughters coming up, the oldest is 11. I plan to hide them in a treehouse until they're 30.

Edited October 7, 2014 by canuckamuck

[burgerking]

I also have a 13 year old daughter. Why let it get to you or bother you. You don't need to stoop down to their level.

[tifino]

eldest is puu ying uan mak mak

nobody leers at her, but just like the usual chubby princess,

she has countered/adjusted to that, albeit differently - in that she 'decided' she doesn't want a man anyway till she gets her masters Degree (thats also a fat chance), but we daren't tell her that

but her younger sister does

[ALFREDO]

I've had Thais looking and staring at my 12 yr old son with continual comments of Lor. We were at a shopping center last month and some young girls were staring and giggling and then approached him to help with their English homework.

Now my wife wants to send him to a boarding school overseas .

I have 3 Thai-mix sons and one more child this month approaching (all from 2 women).

Sending one of my boys away, would never come in my mind! I love them, want be with them.

I hope your posting or your wife attitude was a joke.

By way, out of your and your wife sight, overseas, much more could happen.

[Neeranam]

Some posts asking for pics, as well as some comments to it, removed.

I don't consider them funny.

Thank you sir.

[srn89]

What do you expect if she is an attractive young lady, tell us all that you don't LOOK at attractive young or older women and we will know you have a serious problem !!

[Aussieroaming]

At the rate my daughter is developing I won't have to worry about her getting leered at until she's in her 20's. Shes 13 and looks the same as when she was 10. She's bummed out about it but I'm not.

[thaibeachlovers]

Actually, maybe a kind mod could move this to the family forum.

She was wearing a miniskirt over leggings that day which I thought was ok for her age. Maybe her dress should be monitored more.

Sorry Claudius, this ain't Rome.

if she looks old for her age, anything that makes her look 'attractive' is probably not a good idea. I see lots of young Thai girls wearing long dresses- good idea?

I don't know what the Thais are thinking, but I'll bet some tourists, especially western women, are thinking you might be a paedo- I've had to tell people before that a very young girl with an old western man is his daughter/ step daughter, not an illegal liason. It can be understood though as it isn't a 'normal' sight back home, where few older men marry such young women as they do in Thailand and have children with them.

[choochoo]

Actually, maybe a kind mod could move this to the family forum.

She was wearing a miniskirt over leggings that day which I thought was ok for her age. Maybe her dress should be monitored more.

Sorry Claudius, this ain't Rome.

if she looks old for her age, anything that makes her look 'attractive' is probably not a good idea. I see lots of young Thai girls wearing long dresses- good idea?

I don't know what the Thais are thinking, but I'll bet some tourists, especially western women, are thinking you might be a paedo- I've had to tell people before that a very young girl with an old western man is his daughter/ step daughter, not an illegal liason. It can be understood though as it isn't a 'normal' sight back home, where few older men marry such young women as they do in Thailand and have children with them.

the next line of thought is why are young thai grils marrying old western men....................lol.?

[blindpet]

These reasons are exactly why I fear having a daughter one day. I am already super protective of my little sister, I can't imagine what it'll be like with a daughter.

[pinkpanther99]

I've experienced something similar, although not so much leering, as my daughter is only two years old but when we lived in a province in central Thailand, with not many foreigners, she would receive what became unwelcomed amounts of attention. People obviously just hadn't seen a Thai/farang baby before.

I'm talking about people following us around the supermarket, walking up to us and taking photos without permission. Grabbing her face, touching her arms, again without ever even thinking of asking permission.

And I know that in 99% of the time it is just people being friendly but that doesn't really make it any easier for me. I wouldn't dream of going up to a Thai kid and start touching them and taking photos no matter how cute I thought they were.

Now I'm not an aggressive person, seldom do I get angry and I know it's not a good idea to lose your temper in Thailand but let me tell you it is very difficult to keep your cool when people get so close (touching, taking photos) to your daughter who was about 1 year old at the time.

My daughter looks a little Thai, she has brown eyes but very light coloured skin and light coloured hair. Her looks were almost too much for much for the people of Phetchaburi.

Now we've moved to an area where there are many foreigners and she doesn't get nearly as much attention when we go out, which is nice.

That said, I'm sure this will only get worse as she gets older.

Edited October 8, 2014 by pinkpanther99

[kannot]

My daughter is 8. I shall buy a gun in 3 years

or a bag of cotton wool

[seedy]

At the end of the day all you can do is teach her to the best of your ability, love her unconditionally ...

And let go.

[ozsamurai]

I literally can not walk anywhere with my two (boy & girl) without getting at least a dozen 'Lor's" and 'Nah Laks" as well as as cheek pinching, arm grabbing, beckoning etc. It's really hard to teach 'stranger danger' to kids here. But what I have found is that my daughter has of her own volition become adverse to the attention, 'bai ge gai!' is her new phrase, and she's only 3, she is already handling herself and unwanted advances. My son 5 thinks it's cool of course because the girls all flock to him and call out to him everywhere they see him. Being the only 'half' in his school year also doesn't hurt his popularity ... such is life.

Oz

[Dararasmi]

Advice? Yeah. Stop whining and be proud.

PS: Guys leer at attractive women. I do and you probably do too (or have, in the past). Suck it up!
PPS: Cool that you figured out how to share that you have a hot daughter.

Edited October 8, 2014 by Dararasmi

[kurnell]

My daughter is 8. I shall buy a gun in 3 years

or a bag of cotton wool

No. A gun.

[CTO]

I fully understand the OP's concern, i am placing my daughter on her 13th birthday in a nunnery in a remote mountain in Peru, we'll let her out when she's 42.

I honestly expect (and hope) that people in mostly her age range do look at her and think she's someone they like.

It's all about laying down ground rules for dating, being with boys, and also explaining not just the birds and bee's. But also how boys will try to smooth talk her, how they will act etc, when to sense a dangerous situation.

I find sharing that knowledge is better to arm/empower her.

If people look at her, I don't care that much, unless it's a Thai Visa monger

[recycler]

It is very common for Thai males to openly make sexually tainted remarks at woman in their presence. It is not just in a market or shopping mall, but also in offices and other places where people gather. Rape is also very common and you should be very careful with your daughter, teach her about the dangers and never let her go out alone.

Be sure she is not safe from males where many think they have a right to have sex with everything that moves, rape is often more or less condoned as the girl should not have behaved or dressed so sexy, let alone ware a bikini.....

[catweazle]

Isn't what you are describing basically.... life? Get one!

[thaimlord]

This might be slightly off-topic, but I had a very distasteful experience in Pattaya a few years back.

My then g/f's daughter was around 12 I guess, and we really got on well as she had a hard life growing up and her father disappeared early on in the piece. So whenever the three of us went out she would always grab my hand and swing arms as we walked down the streets, etc. We all had fun.

One day, when it happened that it was just the two of us though, she, as usual, did the same. WELL.. the looks that I got from the Thai adults and the harsh sounding comments were just astounding. It took me several minutes before I figured out (since I couldn't understand Thai at the time) that they thought that I was 'together' with my g/f's daughter!

I was stunned. Firstly that people would just think that and openly abuse me about it without knowing what the story actually was, and secondly that they imagine we would just be walking down the street parading it to all and sundry if we WERE doing something inappropriate.

I'm still shocked when I think of what happened. And I'm no longer together with my girlfriend, but I never again held my "daughter's" hand in public after that point. She still used to try but I had to bat her away until she finally stopped doing it.

OP, my point is, that the onlookers might be thinking the same about you. I don't know, but it's possible.

This place can really be quite shocking sometimes.

TL

Edited October 8, 2014 by thaimlord

[mebkk]

When my daughter was a baby we went to Tak on a holiday. We walked in the market in the evening and I noticed that when my wife and I walked together with the stroller, everybody staring - looking at me, my wife, the baby. I then sent my wife to walk a few steps in front with the stroller - nobody looked. I took the stroller and walked alone - everybody looks. Simply curiosity nothing bad about it.

When she became a teenager and we walked together everybody stared - mostly foreigner guys with the wrong ideas in their head... Few Thai people also assumed we were a couple but I just found it amusing. I never heard any bad comments or suggestion and never thought I had to do anything about it.

As for keeping track on your daughters - sure, you can make her wear a chastity belt, chain her to the room's door, maybe even embed a GPS chip in her arm. But just look around - those who were most restricted as kids are the most rebellious. You can always go with her when meeting friend after school, but what do you do when she's IN school?? There are about 8 hours a day you can't really control her activities, and most bad habits usually earned at school... What will you do when there is a school camp where she has to stay out overnight or few nights?

I was always mostly worried my daughter might be tricked into doing wrong things or get into bad situations due to her innocence, so the way I dealt with it was to make sure she knows she can tell me EVERYTHING without being afraid I'll get angry at her. This works till today perfectly well. She confides with me and I make sure to just give her advice, not force her to do or forbid her from doing something. We knew all her friends in the earlier years of school, and most of her friends in high school. There was only one girl who tried to befriend my daughter which I didn't approve of - explained my daughter why I don't trust that girl and made sure my daughter understands and that was it - no arguing with her, no need for her to secretly meet that girl, no problems.

If your daughter knows you get upset when boys (talking about kids her age) looking at her - she just won’t tell you and you won’t be able to guide her. She'll get to the age when she will be interested in boys and feel good when they look at her. You can make sure you'll be in the picture and be able to guide her to make the correct decision - as after all it is HER decision

[jackspade]

There are several ways to address your problem:

- Quarantine your daughter indoors away from windows.

- Have your daughter eat a lot more to put on weight. Also do not let her wear makeup or wash her hair.

- Hijab.

Anyway, the sooner she gets used to all the attention, the sooner she will develop thick skin and a self-protective "bitchy" personality. So in a sense, she will grow up being less naive about men, which is good.

[chiang mai]

I've experienced the same thing with my niece who is seventeen, although not holdings hands we were walking through a shopping mall looking for stuff for her for Uni., the comments and stares were obvious and unpleasant.

[Pii Kate]

I can sympathize with your situation. But remaining silent when this happens is a sign of approval of the men's behavior. Consider giving a disapproving look and tell her, each time, that it is their problem and she isn't doing anything wrong. She will need to hear that again and again and you will need to show that you care and respect her again and again.

A similar thing happened to my niece when she was 12 and her dad did not support her feelings and, for awhile, she had older men taking advantage of her.

I like the idea of giving her a phone and if she goes out, she must be with friends for support.

[louse1953]

Burqua!!!

[Thaijack2014]

I had the same with my daughters when they were at that age and beyond... the mother is Brazilian and they are very pretty. When in Brazil they got many comments of men. Because Brazilian men are more open and it is more common to compliment a woman at her appearance, without men to actually do something.. Here in Asia men are not much different, but culture and upbringing let them react in a different way... they like to give compliments, but don't do it most of the time and the result is that awkward staring.

Get used to it... just see it as a compliment towards your daughter. And be open about it with her. Help her deal with it.

As an cabin attendant from a big airline I'm used to work with women and many of them very pretty too... they had to deal with it all their life, but eventually got used to it. It is part of a woman's life.

Wait until nobody is staring at her anymore... then she'll start complaining... in about 40-50 years from now...hahaha

[Just1Voice]

I've got a 17 (soon 18) year old niece who is like a daughter to me. For the past 6+ years, whenever the two of us happened to go someplace, she would take my hand and walk with me. It just felt natural for both of us. Now's she's almost 170cm and looks like she is ready for the catwalk in Paris or Milan. She calls me "Dad"in English, which she speaks fluently, and "Pah" in Thai when feeling mischievous. When the two of us happen to be out, people look, and we both know what they are thinking a lot of times. I once asked her if it bothered her that people thought she was my young g/f. She laughed and said it doesn't bother her in the least, and she doesn't care what they think, as she knows the truth. What's funny is the young boys and men who all stare at her, and she's not the least bit interested. She has a Tomboy "boyfriend" and is happy that way. Says Thai boys and men are only after one thing, and thinks most of them are idiots to begin with. She's taking her tests for Fang and Chiang Mai Uni in a couple of weeks to study law, and has told me a couple of times that her education and future are more important than any relationship at this point, and anyone who wants to be involved with her had better understand that. Smart kid, and I'm lucky to have her in my life.

[Card]

OP, I understand your concerns about your daughter.

But you can't stop people looking at her, unless you make her wear a Hijab.

Not advisable anyway.

Try to ignore these people and be proud of your daughter.

Agree fully. I'm not even a father, but often see that happening with young females either alone or with others. The girls seem to ignore it and that is the best option as they can't do anything about it and if they react, it can make things worse. I also think that the fathers on here who are twitchy about it have to learn that their daughters are growing up and it is natural that a father is concerned about the dangers that it can bring. But it is also apparent that their daughters are handling it much better than they are. Grow up daddies, just like your daughters! A hard stare is often the best option if it is troubling for the daughter, but fighting is out unless there are real problems.

[louse1953]

I have had old farts with really attractive, scantly dressed, young ladies come into my shop and automatically assumed they were hookers. I start leering away (not intentionally) and all of a sudden it dawns on me that they are father and daughter and I have to wipe the look of lust off my face. It is embarrassing but what can you do?

It's only embarrassing when you are drooling.