"The Arrangement"

[swissie]

In some way, this is related to the thread "Farang Husbands providing..........."

Of course, mature Farangs sitting alone and forgotten by the wold and relatives in cold and expensive Europe are tempted to engage in a new lifestyle here, usually with the help of a more or less attractive Thai-Female.

What follows is nothing more than an unspoken Business-Agreement: Farang covers the financial needs of wife & family and in return gets the closeness of the wife and is part of the family. = Something he hasn't experienced in cold Europe for a long time.

Fine, absolutely nothing wrong with that.

What can happen to the Farang when things go sour has been discussed here many a times, so no need for rehearsals.

On some occasions, I run into Farang Friends with wife sitting next to him. They exchange glances. Farangs glances appear warm and tender. Her glances at him are as cold as ice.

So I wonder who in the end will gain the upper hand in this game of "unspoken Business-Agreement"?

Cheers.

[David48]

swissie ... your world and my world ... well, to be honest, are worlds apart.

I have a warm caring Lassie. Her Family likes me and I like them and the mutual respect is shared ... though, despite my best efforts, I can not get MissFarmGirl's Mother to try, even a little taste of the food I cook ... the kids woof it up like vacuum cleaners.

We, she and I have a loving caring relationship, to the exclusion of all others.

She is a devoted mother to our young kids and thinks nothing of placing her needs behind that of the boys.

I don't come from Europe ... but a Beachside City in Australia which she has visited now 4 times.

When I asked her what she wanted me to bring over, it was some Blackmores Vitamin Tablets for her Father's good health and a chunky meat pie for her.

Are there 'Horror Stories' in Thailand of what happens when the ... sure, no argument from me there ... but it's not a story that I've had personal experience with ... nor any of my mates.

So, as for 'Unspoken Business-Agreement' ... umm ... no ... just a loving, caring shared relationship ... 100%

Good luck with the OP ... but I did wish to drop by and offer the alternative to the world you describe.

.

[ib1b4]

In answer to your question on who will gain the upper hand? It will most likely turn out to be .............. the Thai SON of the wife!

[Costas2008]

"So I wonder who in the end will gain the upper hand in this game of "unspoken Business-Agreement"?

OP, speaking for myself only, as long as I am happy, as long all my needs are looked after, as long as I have the pleasure of having this woman of mine next to me I don't give a damn who will gain the upper hand in this unspoken Business-Agreement.

I never had the false understanding that the woman I am with, accepted me for my looks or my good heart.

But the arrangement works more than fine for me and for her.

I wish, I had met her earlier in my life.

How long it will last?

Who knows?

But every day is a new and happy day for me.

[Jip99]

I am with Costas on this one.

Spending time analysing the dynamics of a relationship is pointless - especially a multi-cultural one where we can't begin to understand their mindsets, and they certainly can't follow our western thinking. At the end of the day if two people are content with life - and each others company - then little else matters. There are no guarantees in any relationship and, to be fair, most westerners who find their way to Thailand have experienced multiple failed relationships.

As for the upper hand - who gives a flying fart ?

Yes, I have met a few control freaks (mainly the male partner - but not always) and domination rarely works in the long-term.

I am sure my missus believes that she controls me. I am OK with that and the application of the law in Thailand suggests that the Thais are likely to retain the upper hand!

[jamesbrock]

My relationship with my wife is, without a doubt, the best relationship I have ever been in (hence, she being my first wife). It has never been about money; indeed, when we lived in Thailand together, she never received any kind of payment - other then me paying for all our costs once she, at my request, left her job so we could spend all our time together.

It might be the fact that we're only 1 month apart in age, or the fact that we both came from poor rural backgrounds, or the fact that I never had (nor did I ever claim to have) 'big money'. But whatever it is, we are in this relationship together, and it's path has always been mutually decided; as such there is no upper hand.

Not that there's anything wrong with the idea of your "unspoken business relationship" - I know several farangs who are in such relationships, both here in Australia, and back in Thailand; whatever it takes to make one happy.

[Norlund]

But does the foreigner understand this "business agreement" or does he mistaken it for true love?

[Norlund]

Is this so called "happiness" for us all? This link can give some ideas to answer that.

http://gam-legalalliance.com/services/family-law/divorce-statistics-in-thailand/

[jamesbrock]

But does the foreigner understand this "business agreement" or does he mistaken it for true love?

It would be very hard to mistake this "business arrangement" for true love for very long - there are countless other farangs who take great pleasure in illuminating anyone who dare believe they've found true love that they're wrong, and it can't possibly exist between a foreign man and a Thai woman.

[MobileContent]

Didn't experienced what the OP experienced and I have a very lovely relationship with my wife and in-laws and their is no business relationship.

After all, I do business in Europe, Singapore or Malaysia but certainly not in Isaan.

Edited October 24, 2014 by MobileContent

[MobileContent]

On some occasions, I run into Farang Friends with wife sitting next to him. They exchange glances. Farangs glances appear warm and tender. Her glances at him are as cold as ice.

OP yes those things happens but I see them only when the farangs hails from Pattaya or the other sin destinations and clearly done a business deal. My lassie just refuses meeting those kind of pairs. Just recently my MIL told the granny if my lassie would be like that that she would personally kill her.

Their are many families in Thailand that follow traditions and where face is more important as another one Baht of Gold or a bigger car, house, etc.

I call them diamonds but they find you and you not them.

I have a friend from the UK who owns over 50 million pound in properties from London, Ibiza, Sydney etc and he gives his lassie 10,000 Baht in Buriram. He told me just last month he is the most happy men and that's almost for 6 years already because his lassie just loves him the way it is.

[swissie]

But does the foreigner understand this "business agreement" or does he mistaken it for true love?

The root of the problem.

[Jip99]

Is this so called "happiness" for us all? This link can give some ideas to answer that.

http://gam-legalalliance.com/services/family-law/divorce-statistics-in-thailand/

What a load of cr4p!

Are you normally sucked in by marketing ?

[swissie]

Predictably, many positive responses, based on individual experiences. It can not come as a surprise that negative "individual experiences" are not being vented on a large scale in a public Forum. There is no glory in admitting "I have gambled and I have lost".

Fine. That's life. It only gets nasty when the Farang returns to his home country, having to explain to his children from a previous marriage, that their inheritance is "Invested in Thailand" and blocked for all eternity because of the "Law of the Land". Not sure, if a simple "sorry" will pacify the kids back home.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some posters take to the conclusion that I had some "bad experiences" before. How could I ? I live on my own in Thailand. Companionship on demand only. My house is my castle and I am the king and need no queen.

In a country that gives me no property rights, questionable civil-rights in case I have a court-matter with a Thai-National. Immigration hassles on an annual basis, etc. etc

.

- I do as I always did: If I find out that a card game is "rigged" beforehand, I don't sit down to play. (The odds are stacked against me).

What amazes me, is the number of Farangs, willing to sit at the Thailand-card-table, knowing well that the odds are heavily stacked against them, no matter how appeasing an friendly they play their cards..

Cheers.

[cooked]

Is this a Thailand problem? Plenty of gold diggers in the West, under a different name, but apparently you really get taken to the cleaners when things go sour.

[Norlund]

Is this so called "happiness" for us all? This link can give some ideas to answer that.

http://gam-legalalliance.com/services/family-law/divorce-statistics-in-thailand/

What a load of cr4p!

Are you normally sucked in by marketing ?

It looks like this "happiness" doesn't last too long. But maybe the question is who is happy and who is not.

[shaggy1969]

- I do as I always did: If I find out that a card game is "rigged" beforehand, I don't sit down to play. (The odds are stacked against me).

What amazes me, is the number of Farangs, willing to sit at the Thailand-card-table, knowing well that the odds are heavily stacked against them, no matter how appeasing an friendly they play their cards..

swissie,have you ever heard the phrase "it's not the winning, it's the taking part"

Well I think that goes for quite a few guys that have sat down at the Thai casino of love.Maybe the odds are stacked against them.

But who are we to judge those that choose to have one last roll of the dice?......

[MAJIC]

But does the foreigner understand this "business agreement" or does he mistaken it for true love?

Seems like it bothers you more than them!

[jacksam]

Costas for once makes lot of sense.

The part about "how long it lasts who knows....."

I'm on his page. I'm just enjoying every day and yes of course I take care of her. And she me.

There are normally A to Z and all in between, but in my opinion "the arrangement" is not like that.

Your either in the married kids family situation like David post #1. ...or your in my boat at other end of scale.

If she wanted out I would walk away leaving the fridge washing machine etc and also give her some cash maybe 120k for the two years together. If it was 10 years I might even happily buy her a cheap condo say 3mil down.

That's small change to what it would cost in AU.

As they say only put in what your happy to lose.

[jamesbrock]

It only gets nasty when the Farang returns to his home country, having to explain to his children from a previous marriage, that their inheritance is "Invested in Thailand" and blocked for all eternity because of the "Law of the Land". Not sure, if a simple "sorry" will pacify the kids back home.

Screw the kids back home and their sense of entitlement!

My parents were never well off that any of us (my siblings and I) ever imagined that we'd get, let alone deserve, any sort of inheritance. Indeed, my wife was so aghast that none of us were 'taking care' of my pensioner father, that she demanded we give him the same amount that we send back to Thailand for her daughters (so have been doing for the past two years). Even if they were well off, I certainly wouldn't be so selfish enough to expect them to go without in order for them to leave anything behind for me.

Anybody that is, especially anybody who would expect an apology when their parents spent their money how they saw fit, needs to take a good hard look at themselves.

[klikster]

Costas for once makes lot of sense.

IMHO, Costas usually makes sense -- whether you agree or not is another matter.

Swissie 'seems' to be on some sort of a crusade despite his oblique denial.

"Some posters take to the conclusion that I had some "bad experiences" before. How could I ? I live on my own in Thailand. Companionship on demand only. My house is my castle and I am the king and need no queen."

I know what I believe.

[willyumiii]

Something not often, if eve,r mentioned on TV is the other side of the coin so to speak.

I know a couple of good, sweet, warm Thai women who have married farangs that turn out to be horrible people.

Abusive, both physically ad mentally, not respected at all and treated like an ignorant slave.

It is so bad that I choose to avoid being around either couple if possible.

One had recently found the nerve to leave and is now in hiding,

the farang trying to stalk her, pestering everyone that she knows trying to find her location.

It is a nightmare.

It is not always the Thai woman using the poor farang.

Sometimes it is the Thai woman who gets the short end of the stick,

and because it is their culture, they are usually way to tolerant of the abuse

and put up with it!

Not all of us guys are saints being used by the wife and her family!

[Norlund]

Is this so called "happiness" for us all? This link can give some ideas to answer that.

http://gam-legalalliance.com/services/family-law/divorce-statistics-in-thailand/

What a load of cr4p!

Are you normally sucked in by marketing ?

Is this article a lot og c.... too? It's a little bit old, but I think the principle is the same.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/3907581.stm

[Norlund]

But does the foreigner understand this "business agreement" or does he mistaken it for true love?

Seems like it bothers you more than them!

How can it "bother" the foreigner if he doesn't know? And do not try to tell him because he probably will tell you that you are telling lies about his wife. When the Thai lady stretches out her hand and ask for money and say "farlang do". That pis.... me off.

Edited October 25, 2014 by Norlund

[JulieM]

I know two farangs here who have made an excellent living for themselves utilizing the skills of their Thai wives. One moved to Sweden and opened a Thai restaurant (which is now supporting the husband and four kids) and one couple is living in Bangkok where the wife earns 60K doing fancy nail jobs at Siam Paragon. Nice arrangement!

[Lex Talionis]

{clip}

...Spending time analysing the dynamics of a relationship is pointless - especially a multi-cultural one where we can't begin to understand their mindsets, and they certainly can't follow our western thinking. At the end of the day if two people are content with life - and each others company - then little else matters.

{clip}

Man talk about zeroing in on the heart of the matter! Kudos. Motivations in relationships are always complex, we know that, but add in the cultural mix you mention and they become virtually impenetrable. "Love?" "Business transaction?" Call it whatever. It simply doesn't matter. What does matter is whether each side of the partnership is getting what she/he wants and needs. ROI. What's "love" got to do with it? (Tina T. )

Partnerships are necessarily limited. If you are lucky and pick the right one, they can last quite a while. While they work you stay in. When they don't you get out. Simple really. (Provided, of course, you keep an eye on your investment.)

What complicates matters is when our farang "love" thing comes into play. When she uses the word -- probably because she senses I like to hear it -- I'm sure my TGF means something I could never begin to understand. The very word sags with heavy baggage. Tell me you're in love? I don't have a clue what that means. On the other hand if I have the chance to see you with your mate over a short stretch of time I usually can get the picture quite readily. As for me, "love" is the bliss I feel whenever I touch her. Bliss. That rarest of emotions. I spent a wintry decade without it. Never again.

And my TGF? I'm sure if I died tomorrow she would shed a tear over my ashes. Then she would quickly pick herself up and continue making her way through this difficult world. And that's the way I want it. Helping her do just that is the least I can do for what she has given me: herself. Not "forever" or "always" (those sham romantic lyrics) but "completely" & just for a brief year or two. I could not ask for more.

[tullynagardy]

Fine. That's life. It only gets nasty when the Farang returns to his home country, having to explain to his children from a previous marriage, that their inheritance is "Invested in Thailand" and blocked for all eternity because of the "Law of the Land". Not sure, if a simple "sorry" will pacify the kids back home.

This for me is the key issue here and I hate seeing it. Love sick old men basically abandoning their family because of lust for a Thai twenty something who is simply waiting until he dies to cash in.

I have a mate (much older than me and retiring next year) in the UK who has kids and grandkids and has built up alot of equity and wealth over his life. In the knowledge he was retiring soon he actively went to Thailand looking a soulmate and sure enough he found one. This "soutmate" is now getting a 10 million house built in her name, a Toyota Hilux in the drive and enough money to support about 20 of her family. Meanwhile his kids and grandkids back home are deprived of the 3 properties he owned as inheritence and will likely get sod all when he croaks it.

Despite being successful in life to make alot of money, he is so blissfully in love he is convinced all the new equity he has in Thailand will be shared when he dies and he`ll simply write it in his will and the English kids will get a share. This is despite the fact he knows none of it is in his name.

I understand the concept of wanting love and affection from a gorgeous girl when your old, why so many guys can`t just rent a house and have it is beyond me.

[Norlund]

Fine. That's life. It only gets nasty when the Farang returns to his home country, having to explain to his children from a previous marriage, that their inheritance is "Invested in Thailand" and blocked for all eternity because of the "Law of the Land". Not sure, if a simple "sorry" will pacify the kids back home.

This for me is the key issue here and I hate seeing it. Love sick old men basically abandoning their family because of lust for a Thai twenty something who is simply waiting until he dies to cash in.

I have a mate (much older than me and retiring next year) in the UK who has kids and grandkids and has built up alot of equity and wealth over his life. In the knowledge he was retiring soon he actively went to Thailand looking a soulmate and sure enough he found one. This "soutmate" is now getting a 10 million house built in her name, a Toyota Hilux in the drive and enough money to support about 20 of her family. Meanwhile his kids and grandkids back home are deprived of the 3 properties he owned as inheritence and will likely get sod all when he croaks it.

Despite being successful in life to make alot of money, he is so blissfully in love he is convinced all the new equity he has in Thailand will be shared when he dies and he`ll simply write it in his will and the English kids will get a share. This is despite the fact he knows none of it is in his name.

I understand the concept of wanting love and affection from a gorgeous girl when your old, why so many guys can`t just rent a house and have it is beyond me.

I'm renting a house in Thailand and I live alone. If I want to stay together with a Thai lady I can do so without loosing "everything". If she doesn't behave she will politely be told to f.... off. Something I've done in the past. When a Thai lady starts to talk about "take care" and "good heart" she is not going to live in "my house". That's for sure.

[jacksam]

Tully , your friend isn't the norm. I'm 60 been here 2 yrs with one girl. If I'm still with her in 10 and either croak it or move on then I would prob give her a modest condo say 3 mill.

This means there would still be several properties in AU for my 2 sons.

Despite a few hard luck stories of people that do what your friend is doing.....they are the minority.

I was successful and astute enough before, I'm not about to get pu##y struck.

Soul mate ? ....give me a break is the friend a dill.

Like previous member if my gf complains she can nick off.

Its my way or the high way and that does not treat her as a lady, respect her and take good care of her. But them dah rules..... You friend sadly is a fool.

[jacksam]

Sadly your friend is not the only one who has been so foolish. Many stories of how "I blew it all"

The embarrassing thing this is sometimes from men that are experienced in life and still do little boy stuff

Edited October 28, 2014 by jacksam