brucetefl Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 (edited) Okay people I'm interested to hear your opinions on this. A few months ago I started a relationship with a very nice thai lady. Upper middle class, went to the top pratom and matayom schools in Thailand and graduated from ABAC. Spent every summer in UK for English camps. She has worked in the US before and has been a manager at several international companies and currently earns nearly 100,000 per month. We have discussed marriage. Her problem, in my opinion, is that she just turned 36 and has been single and very independent for almost 10 years now (never been married just busy with her work). She has a lot of friends overseas that I have never met. she says she would like to go visit some in the future, like her gay friend Mark in Canada. She explained that it would be awkward if I went along since I do not know him. She would prefer to go alone. I must be old at 51 but I find this very strange. I would be happy to go meet her friend with her but having my gf and especially my wife traveling for weeks without me seems unacceptable to me. Would love to hear others opinions. Edited December 25, 2014 by Scott Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
howerde Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Maybe it might be awkward for HER to take an old man to meet her friend(maybe she told him she had a handsome man, joking), The gay friend always brings a smile to my face., But my guess is as you have only been seeing each other a few months she would be hesitent to tell her friends (has she told her family about you), until she is sure that things will work out, it is funny how insecure some of these educated ladies are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lingnoi34 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Funny how these guy friends are always gay. I am not as old as you but I feel the same way about your situation as you do. On the one hand this guy is important enough for her to fly halfways around the world but you as her bf/husband should not meet him. Something smells fishy! Regards, L Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patongphil Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Maybe a threesome on the cards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoiBiker Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Women have friends too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrtoad Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Some people just want total control in their relationships. I go on holidays on my own sometimes, as does Mrs T; it's nice to have independence as opposed to codependence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cornishcarlos Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Some people just want total control in their relationships. I go on holidays on my own sometimes, as does Mrs T; it's nice to have independence as opposed to codependence. Do you visit your lesbian friends alone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abhaya Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Given how insanely jealous most Thai women are I think she would understand your misgivings, alternatively you could say no problem you'll be on holiday in Pattaya and she is free to text you whenever she wants and gauge her reaction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glegolo Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Yes me too I agree to this. If you are considered to be girlfriend-boyfriend by BOTH parties this is fishy!! And if not fishy, it shows that the class of this lady is NOT upper middle class but merely lowclass socially.... If you feel this way, dump her quickly, it will not get any better whatsoever... Glegolo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemesis7 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 OP, Im sure you also understand something isn't right here. Gay friend or straight, it doesn't matter and she shouldn't have any problem you tagging alone unless there is something more into the story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lust Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 i would not be ok with my wife doing this unless we were old and my dick didnt work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennypowers Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 You've only been together a few months, so perhaps she'd rather go on holiday alone. She might be a tad embarrassed about the age gap too and needs time to adjust to that before introducing you to her long term friends. It's quite unusual for an educated Thai woman of her class to have a much older husband, especially a foreign one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnotherOneAmerican Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Tell it's OK as long as you can visit, and stay with, your lesbian friend in Pattaya from time to time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dotpoom Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 In all situations I listen to what my inner teacher is telling me (my Intuition). I have found when I ask other people's advice, no matter what it is I still end up doing my own thing anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexRRR Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Young relationship still working things out, to soon to be jumping to conclusions trust is inportant, let it ride and store it for a rainy day, if this sort of thing keep poping up listen you to your inner voice its never wrong. ps, dont make excuse's for someones behavior treat it on face value you can only be slaped so often you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tassie Norm Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Walk your own path - where, if any, does the pressure for marriage emanate from? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smotherb Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Maybe it might be awkward for HER to take an old man to meet her friend(maybe she told him she had a handsome man, joking), The gay friend always brings a smile to my face., But my guess is as you have only been seeing each other a few months she would be hesitent to tell her friends (has she told her family about you), until she is sure that things will work out, it is funny how insecure some of these educated ladies are. Insecure, or has a reputation to maintain? If a lady is not worried about what others will think of her actions, she may as well be a hooker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northengr Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 You've only been together a few months, so perhaps she'd rather go on holiday alone. She might be a tad embarrassed about the age gap too and needs time to adjust to that before introducing you to her long term friends. It's quite unusual for an educated Thai woman of her class to have a much older husband, especially a foreign one. i agree with this sentiment EXCEPT high 30's female and 51 man is NOT much age difference. I never was married to a woman that close to my age in either of my two marriages Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emster23 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 How about asking to use her Skype account (unannounced to him in advance) and give him a ring up and chat. Have her out of room for part of talk, part time in. Ask if you can record the conversation. If he is friend, and just friend, there should be no problem. As far as her being embarrassed by your slight age difference, I raise an eyebrow. 15 years is not that much by Asian standards. Single in her age bracket usually means few to no prospects in Thailand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shurup Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 If OP means for her to travel alone AFTER they get married, that's a no-no! Unless she offered you to travel together and you declined. You probably don't mind for her to meet your friends, why opposite is not true? If she feels "awkward" that you may meet her friends (or is it only that one "gay" friend in particular??) that you don't know, wouldn't she feel more so at the wedding with all her Thai family, relatives and friends? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MauiSteveBKK Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I would: - take a step back in the relationship. - perhaps the relationship is not as much as you think. - just maybe .... you're more serious about the relationship than her. Personally, I don't like this. It's a HUGE RED FLAG. Will it always be like this? USA EXAMPLE: My brother told me his GF in Virginia, USA did not want him to come to her son's wedding and all the events that led up to the wedding the whole weekend. I told my brother: "You don't have the relationship you told me about". He didn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umbanda Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 An independent Thai woman acts a lot more independent than a western woman...at the point to never get married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orpheus454 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 You have a serious issue in your life (marriage is serious, right...?) and you come to an anonymous internet forum for advice...? Nothing can help you, buddy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard_smith237 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 If OP means for her to travel alone AFTER they get married, that's a no-no! Unless she offered you to travel together and you declined. You probably don't mind for her to meet your friends, why opposite is not true? If she feels "awkward" that you may meet her friends (or is it only that one "gay" friend in particular??) that you don't know, wouldn't she feel more so at the wedding with all her Thai family, relatives and friends? My Wife won an all expenses high end trip to Singapore - (at the time I'd just come back from there) - I suggested she go with her GBF and she did, she shopped all weekend and had great fun living it up... We were both in our early 30's at the time. I'm not sure why I mention the age but its come up already (I am 3 years older). In the case of the OP: This lady is clearly independent and has been for some time. She is simply setting a boundary, men do it with women all the time. If she wants to go to Canada on her own then why not? guys go on golfing trips etc... she wants to catch up with an old friend without having to look after her guy... I'm not saying this is the case here but sometimes chaps get a little needy and defensive and we're better off out of the way.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ggt Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Her friend is not gay...but they will have a gay ole time if you let her have her way... She wants to have her cake...and eat it too...good luck with this relationship... Mine announced she was going on a 2 week vacation to the beach and wished to go alone...when she returned...I had move elsewhere... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oceanbat Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 If OP means for her to travel alone AFTER they get married, that's a no-no! Unless she offered you to travel together and you declined. You probably don't mind for her to meet your friends, why opposite is not true? If she feels "awkward" that you may meet her friends (or is it only that one "gay" friend in particular??) that you don't know, wouldn't she feel more so at the wedding with all her Thai family, relatives and friends? My Wife won an all expenses high end trip to Singapore - (at the time I'd just come back from there) - I suggested she go with her GBF and she did, she shopped all weekend and had great fun living it up... We were both in our early 30's at the time. I'm not sure why I mention the age but its come up already (I am 3 years older). In the case of the OP: This lady is clearly independent and has been for some time. She is simply setting a boundary, men do it with women all the time. If she wants to go to Canada on her own then why not? guys go on golfing trips etc... she wants to catch up with an old friend without having to look after her guy... I'm not saying this is the case here but sometimes chaps get a little needy and defensive and we're better off out of the way.... Agree OB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berkshire Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 (edited) Tell it's OK as long as you can visit, and stay with, your lesbian friend in Pattaya from time to time. My thoughts exactly. Just tell her that if it's ok for her to be with her gay guy friend without you, then it's ok for you to be with your lesbian friend without her. And if she's actually ok with that, you may have found the perfect woman. Edited December 23, 2014 by Berkshire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brucetefl Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 Thanks for all the comments. First of all this guy IS gay. I have met his partner and seen pictures of him on FB. He is very, very GAY. 51 and 36? In Thailand? Come on. Unless the girl is below 25 or so it would not really raise an eyebrow. This girl is honest, but just has ideas about independence that I am having a hard time getting my head around. My ex gf invited both of us to visit her in Australia. I just think... my friends will be excited to meet the person who is important in my life. I think her friend should feel the same. Anyway, i just wanted to see if there were people out there who agreed with her, and there are a few. Thanks for your help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merwan Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Sometimes women have gay male friends simply because way deep within the back of their minds they think they will be able to "change" them. This may be a last minute ditch effort on her part before she more deeply commits to you. I personally would let her take this trip. You have only known this woman for a few months. It seems like you are in a "rush" to get married. She has been single for many years, and older single people do not rush into married relationships quickly. Other people have become important in their lives as well. Give her some freedom and watch and see if she begins including you in her visitations and in her other friendships. If she keeps you excluded, it is a good sign not to marry her. Take your time! There is no rush here. Hang out! Enjoy! Move on if necessary! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brucetefl Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 Actually she is kind of pushing for marriage. I am divorced--been there done that. This trip is not even SCHEDULED. Its just a theoretical thing for her--in the future can i take holidays alone once in a while as I have become accustomed to doing. A point of discussion if that makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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