General Advise Re New Thai Girlfriend

[MrTee]

OP,

An important thing to understand is that what love means to you and what love means to a Thai are 2 completely different things.

I'd advise first trying to understand what Love actually means to her, then and only then think about committing yourself (and your money) to her.

And ask your self "What happens when you take this young lady away from her friends, away from the bright lights, away from the fun she has on a daily basis, away from the food she loves back to you home country"
Do you think she'll be happy?

[craighj]

Don't offer anything until you get to see the whites of her family's eyes.

Or I call troll.

Thank you for your reply. On my next visit we are going to see her parents for a few days. She really does seem genuine. I get regular photographs and already have many photographs of her family.

I am looking forward to meeting them.

I just don't want to loose this woman or offend the culture

There's a fine line between respecting a girl's culture and handing over money like a fool. Why don't you spend a little more time with this girl and possibly live in TH for a bit before you start thinking about such things.

Good advice and advice that a few have given already.

The OP seems not to understand anything anyone says other than about Sin Sot.

He is either a Troll or naive, very naive.

OP, if you are not a Troll (I think you are) then wake up to yourself and listen to what's being said.

Normal people don't walk into a bar, meet a girl 20 years younger than themselves from a different country and culture then instantly know enough about them to a discuss dowry payments and plan marriage.

TV has many horror stories, if you want to read them.

Either close the topic or spend some time in Thailand learning about the place, people and environment before thinking about marriage.

Craighj

[lor]

Follow Thai culture.

This girl had a husband before. Maybe no papers were signed but she would have had a village wedding and a dowry was paid.

She is now used goods. No Thai family would expect another dowry for her, except of course from a farang who they believe knows no better.

Pay no Dowry, spend a lot more time with her, get to know both her and her family. Take it slow! You may be one of the lucky ones. But prepare for the worst. Because the odds are against you.

I wish you luck.

Chris

[brewsterbudgen]

Unless you can move to, or spend a significant amount of time in, Thailand I can't see your relationship going very far. Stop thinking about marriage and sinsod and spend some time together as a couple. She's very unlikely to get a visa as you won"t be able to demonstrate a proper relationship and if her only job is in a bar, showing a reason to return will be difficult. If you are as serious as you say you are, you need to be in Thailand.

Edited December 30, 2014 by brewsterbudgen

[THRG]

Thank you for the useful posts. I really do like this woman but will take things more slowly. I did not understand the Dowry completely or how much is usually paid. I did not want to spend months of my life trying to build a relationship with this woman to later find out she was just a gold digger. The post saying 100,000 is a normal amount is useful thank you

I do believe she just wants what is best for her family before making a commitment to me and moving to England.

To me she seems like a genuine person but I have read so many horror stories that I am worried which is why I am seeking advise.

Although I have recently found out that her 'cousin' is staying with her at the moment for a few days. Another horror story I have read is about these girls saying the Thai boyfriends are cousins. Maybe I read too many bad stories on the internet. I don't like to judge the girls and say they are all the same.

I plan to stay with her for a month soon and will see how things progress.

Thank you

[ivan96822]

"Her English language is perfect." --OP

Really? A girl from Isaan?

And a university graduate to boot!

[NoshowJones]

I also don't like to judge people. The woman was working in the bar and had been for a few months on a part time basis.

I know she has to do this to support her family in Issan. I find this type of person who cares so much about her own family genuinely nice.

I know a lot will disagree with me. But she is so caring about other people around her, thinks about others before herself and will do anything for her family.

We do get on well together and I want to help both her and her family. I want to pay the family enough money to have a better house and a better quality of life. I just don't want to part with a large amount of money too early in the relationship and before the visa was in place.

The reason we had discussed marriage in Thailand was for future planning, commitment to each other which will help with the eventual settlement visa.

I am grateful for genuine advise as it is all new to me

I don't disagree with you as regards your GF being a part time bargirl, but if you are going to be responsible financially for her family, then you are off your head. One of the reasons she is working in the bar is hoping for some mug to marry, buy her a house etc,etc and support her parents, maybe even her brothers and sisters.

Think very hard before you marry this girl, and definitely do not pay any sin sod. That may be a Thai custom, but it is not a Western custom. Don't let your little head rule your big one.

[NoshowJones]

I would do anything for her meaning to have her in England.

But if we had problems with the visa then I would not want to part with such a large amount of money.

I would still help her financially as I believe she is genuine, trying to do the best for her family and looking for a better life

Kids are starving in Syria and Ebola still isn't beaten

Give your money to them. They need it. Please someone end this ridiculous thread

The OP may or may not be a troll, but the thread should not be ended as it could help someone in much the same situation. There have been a lot of good answers here.

[NoshowJones]

Three years togeather before u even consider marriage. Then another year engaged. She works at a bar so chances of good relationship are one in ten.

In my experience, your last sentence is not true, all my Farang friends are married to ex bargirls, and the two whose marriages broke up, the guy was at fault.

[NoshowJones]

Thank you for the useful posts. I really do like this woman but will take things more slowly. I did not understand the Dowry completely or how much is usually paid. I did not want to spend months of my life trying to build a relationship with this woman to later find out she was just a gold digger. The post saying 100,000 is a normal amount is useful thank you

I do believe she just wants what is best for her family before making a commitment to me and moving to England.

To me she seems like a genuine person but I have read so many horror stories that I am worried which is why I am seeking advise.

Although I have recently found out that her 'cousin' is staying with her at the moment for a few days. Another horror story I have read is about these girls saying the Thai boyfriends are cousins. Maybe I read too many bad stories on the internet. I don't like to judge the girls and say they are all the same.

I plan to stay with her for a month soon and will see how things progress.

Thank you

If you are not a troll, you will come back on here after that month is up, and let us know how things are progressing.

[ivan96822]

I'm still wondering about her speaking perfect English if she is from Isaan...

I wonder if she has an accent from London? Australia? Or maybe a non-regional U.S. accent?

[THRG]

I'm still wondering about her speaking perfect English if she is from Isaan...

I wonder if she has an accent from London? Australia? Or maybe a non-regional U.S. accent?

Her family live in Issan, (Near Nong Khai) her parents live with her grandparents at the moment in a small home. I know they have a fairly large rice farm.

I also know my girlfriend has her own house that is half built. Although she has not had the money to continue the building work for a while.

My girlfriend also rents a room in Pattaya where she works at the moment. I believe she studied while also working a few hours in the bar. Her English is very good and does not have any other accent.

Ideally (and a long way into the future) when the settlement visa is in place and she has seen England I would like to pay the cost to finish the building work on her own house near Nong Khai so her parents had somewhere of there own to live (instead of with the grandparents). I believe this would cost around £5000 gbp to complete but am not sure.

I would also like to pay around £200 to the parents each month to help them have a better life

But to be honest I am against paying the Dowry (especially the high 500,000) that has been mentioned. And do not want to part with any large amount of money before she is in England

[THRG]

Thank you for the useful posts. I really do like this woman but will take things more slowly. I did not understand the Dowry completely or how much is usually paid. I did not want to spend months of my life trying to build a relationship with this woman to later find out she was just a gold digger. The post saying 100,000 is a normal amount is useful thank you

I do believe she just wants what is best for her family before making a commitment to me and moving to England.

To me she seems like a genuine person but I have read so many horror stories that I am worried which is why I am seeking advise.

Although I have recently found out that her 'cousin' is staying with her at the moment for a few days. Another horror story I have read is about these girls saying the Thai boyfriends are cousins. Maybe I read too many bad stories on the internet. I don't like to judge the girls and say they are all the same.

I plan to stay with her for a month soon and will see how things progress.

Thank you

If you are not a troll, you will come back on here after that month is up, and let us know how things are progressing.

Yes I will report back. We still talk constantly every day. I plan to visit at the end of February and return at the end of March.

I will let you know how things progress

Along with the allegations of being a troll, I have also received some nice and supportive private messages from other people who have been in a similar position to myself and the relationships have worked. I know there are risks involved. I will take things more slowly and be more aware following advise on here of potential scams

Thank you

[ivan96822]

Currently renting in Pattaya. Working there, too.

Ok, dude, stick a fork in you.

[THRG]

Currently renting in Pattaya. Working there, too.

Ok, dude, stick a fork in you.

I have never lied. She works part time at the moment and only for a couple of weeks then stays with her family for a few weeks.

She has not been working long in Pattaya and wants to stop

She has mentioned a new shopping complex in Nong Khai which is currently looking for staff to work there. She is thinking about staying with her family and working there

[Patsycat]

She's got a half built house - wonder who paid for that and then buggered off when asked for a million in dowry?

Not to be harsh, but i really thought that 2015 would be the year that we would not have to go through threads and threads of the same old story.

I wish you luck, i do.

Where do you live in the UK? And why do you only rent a house, i thought the UK was a proud home owning nation? Will she like living in a rented house? Have you told her little porkies about how rich you are? This is a person you are talking about not someone to be manipulated into become a house wife in the middle of the UK. She will give up her life and be far from her family - will you be able to pay the phone bills home, find the food she likes, etc. It's a big step to take with someone you have only known for a couple of months.

Even in the West we don't jump into marriage within months. Probably because my dad wanted a Million Swiss Francs.... a retirement villa in Portugal near the golf clubs and a rather cheap tiara.

Edited January 1, 2015 by Patsycat

[THRG]

She's got a half built house - wonder who paid for that and then buggered off when asked for a million in dowry?

Not to be harsh, but i really thought that 2015 would be the year that we would not have to go through threads and threads of the same old story.

I wish you luck, i do.

Where do you live in the UK? And why do you only rent a house, i thought the UK was a proud home owning nation? Will she like living in a rented house? Have you told her little porkies about how rich you are? This is a person you are talking about not someone to be manipulated into become a house wife in the middle of the UK. She will give up her life and be far from her family - will you be able to pay the phone bills home, find the food she likes, etc. It's a big step to take with someone you have only known for a couple of months.

Even in the West we don't jump into marriage within months. Probably because my dad wanted a Million Swiss Francs.... a retirement villa in Portugal near the golf clubs and a rather cheap tiara.

I have been completely honest about renting a house and my income.

I didn't realise there was anything wrong with renting. I choose to do that.

I do realise its a big step for her and I will support her as much as possible

[geronimo]

THRG, you sound like you really like her. Box clever and don't rush into handing over money. It may be that the parents are the money grabbers, or its possible she is too. If you really want to find out then come to Thailand with very little and tell her you'll get a job teaching English. If she's ok with that then take it from there. Forget taking her home, at least for now.

[fish fingers]

I also know my girlfriend has her own house that is half built. Although she has not had the money to continue the building work for a while.

I would also like to pay around £200 to the parents each month to help them have a better life

But to be honest I am against paying the Dowry (especially the high 500,000) that has been mentioned. And do not want to part with any large amount of money before she is in England

The house will never be yours, and i bet you'll be paying to have that finished

£200 is a well paid salary up there

The dowry is not large, but nowadays most are a face save and just for show. i.e. the family will give it back.

I dunno mate.. are you sure they didn't see you coming so to speak

there are a million girls here and many of them have family with money i.e. Thai Chinese.. they are usually bat crazy but at least they have family that don't expect you to build them a village.

[fish fingers]

I met a FOF farang recently after three weeks he offered me to be a shareholder in his failing restaurant in silom.

One of my rules is not to consider any business arrangement with someone until you've known them for two years. After being royally burnt many years ago, I've always stuck to that.

All I'm trying to say is that you don't do it in business and especially not in marriage! Get to know her first, two yrs minimum, no matter how much pressure the father is putting on you.

Edited January 1, 2015 by fish fingers

[brewsterbudgen]

I also know my girlfriend has her own house that is half built. Although she has not had the money to continue the building work for a while.

I would also like to pay around £200 to the parents each month to help them have a better life

But to be honest I am against paying the Dowry (especially the high 500,000) that has been mentioned. And do not want to part with any large amount of money before she is in England

The house will never be yours, and i bet you'll be paying to have that finished

£200 is a well paid salary up there

The dowry is not large, but nowadays most are a face save and just for show. i.e. the family will give it back.

I dunno mate.. are you sure they didn't see you coming so to speak

there are a million girls here and many of them have family with money i.e. Thai Chinese.. they are usually bat crazy but at least they have family that don't expect you to build them a village.

For some people it's about the love and not the money.

[2unique]

Day 2 of the year and already a sinsot story... how lucky we are

It's hardly judgemental to call a prostitute a prostitute. .. in your own words you've said she's been barfined a few times - have you asked which bar she worked in before the bar you met her in? 2 weeks here and 2 weeks there soon adds up.

Why is the male cousin staying with her and why only for a month?

Why 1 million and if she's worth a million why the swift 50% discount. If she truly loves you and the important thing is to be together why didn't she start at 500k? 100k would be enough face however face has an inflated market value up there now.. sonething to do with fresh meat paying 300k to 500k justification money

For some people it's about the money and not the love.

[2unique]

Advice for anyone in same situation - ask how much that last Thai guy paid - that should be the negotiation starting point not 1 million baht.

Take her on a 2 week holiday, out of her comfort zone if possible, - bang her brains out and see if you become bored (with the sex, her behavior, moods and/or spending habits) or not.

Meet the parents n siblings

Be judgemental - is she worth your hard earned time money and effort

Check for scars (wrists/stomach) and stretch marks

See how many Foreigners are commenting on her Facebook posts

Does she have a passport - where has she been

Do all this and say to yourself. No Trust - No Relationship

[steven100]

no ... everything sounds fine what you have described ...

You met in a bar ... stayed a few days with her , and now talking dowry & future ..

That's great ... all is going to plan.

You should end up paying around 500,000 for the dowry ... build the house , get the car & the buffalo.

Get some gold for mama & papa ..... probably about 2 baht.

Sounds like your ' one really lucky guy ' ..... well done !!

Let us know when & where the wedding will be ... we'd love to join you there....

[spidermike007]

My best advice is to take your time. It already sounds like you are not doing so. You are putting the cart in front of the horse. You do not know this woman, at all. You think you do, but you don't. It takes a solid year or two of living together, to get to know someone, under the best circumstances. Remember this. If the relationship is good, it will only get better over time. If there are issues, they will reveal themselves over time. You do not know what the issues are yet. She was working in a bar. So, despite what she told you, you do not know if she had 50, 500, or 3,000 men before you. There is a certain point beyond which the average bar girl becomes bitter toward men. You do not know if she went beyond that point. You know barely anything about her.

Here is the bottom line for newbies. Time is always your ally in these kinds of situations. The woman nearly always wants to step up the timeline, and it is your responsibility to back her down, and take your time. Would Bond be planning marriage with a woman he barely knew? Slow down, and let it evolve. Most divorces are the result of people rushing in. Don't make that mistake. Her to know her. Stop talking about the future, and enjoy one day at a time. If she cannot deal with this patient timeline, then move on. More than likely, if you are with a woman who is pushing the timeline too hard, there is a reason for that. And it is not a noble reason, usually.

[spidermike007]

Advice for anyone in same situation - ask how much that last Thai guy paid - that should be the negotiation starting point not 1 million baht.

Take her on a 2 week holiday, out of her comfort zone if possible, - bang her brains out and see if you become bored (with the sex, her behavior, moods and/or spending habits) or not.

Meet the parents n siblings

Be judgemental - is she worth your hard earned time money and effort

Check for scars (wrists/stomach) and stretch marks

See how many Foreigners are commenting on her Facebook posts

Does she have a passport - where has she been

Do all this and say to yourself. No Trust - No Relationship

All good advice. Do some research. Check into her background. Do not take any of what she says at face value. You do not know her well enough to believe what she says. Most have a story. Some is true, some is not. Take your time. Do not let her rush you into anything! There are literally thousands to choose from.

[Crazy chef 1]

She's got a half built house - wonder who paid for that and then buggered off when asked for a million in dowry?

Not to be harsh, but i really thought that 2015 would be the year that we would not have to go through threads and threads of the same old story.

I wish you luck, i do.

Where do you live in the UK? And why do you only rent a house, i thought the UK was a proud home owning nation? Will she like living in a rented house? Have you told her little porkies about how rich you are? This is a person you are talking about not someone to be manipulated into become a house wife in the middle of the UK. She will give up her life and be far from her family - will you be able to pay the phone bills home, find the food she likes, etc. It's a big step to take with someone you have only known for a couple of months.

Even in the West we don't jump into marriage within months. Probably because my dad wanted a Million Swiss Francs.... a retirement villa in Portugal near the golf clubs and a rather cheap tiara.

Patsy as usual:spot on...

[steven100]

You are a lucky guy ....

[THRG]

Day 2 of the year and already a sinsot story... how lucky we are

It's hardly judgemental to call a prostitute a prostitute. .. in your own words you've said she's been barfined a few times - have you asked which bar she worked in before the bar you met her in? 2 weeks here and 2 weeks there soon adds up.

Why is the male cousin staying with her and why only for a month?

Why 1 million and if she's worth a million why the swift 50% discount. If she truly loves you and the important thing is to be together why didn't she start at 500k? 100k would be enough face however face has an inflated market value up there now.. sonething to do with fresh meat paying 300k to 500k justification money

For some people it's about the money and not the love.

The male cousin is lives in Bangkok and works in a factory there. She says she has not seen him for 3 years. He is only staying with her for a few days while he is not working in the factory over the holiday period. At least that's what I have been told.

[THRG]

Advice for anyone in same situation - ask how much that last Thai guy paid - that should be the negotiation starting point not 1 million baht.

Take her on a 2 week holiday, out of her comfort zone if possible, - bang her brains out and see if you become bored (with the sex, her behavior, moods and/or spending habits) or not.

Meet the parents n siblings

Be judgemental - is she worth your hard earned time money and effort

Check for scars (wrists/stomach) and stretch marks

See how many Foreigners are commenting on her Facebook posts

Does she have a passport - where has she been

Do all this and say to yourself. No Trust - No Relationship

I plan to spend some time with her on one of the lslands when I next visit and also visit her family for a few days.

She has no scars on her body.

I cant see much on her facebook page as I am not her friend on there because I have never used facebook.

She has visited Germany once as she had a previous boyfriend there. She has only had two boyfriends the one she unofficially married at 16 and this German man. I know the German has sent money on occasions before.

I do feel I can trust her but am just being cautious all the time because of all the stories I read online.