Failed expats and the lies they tell others and themselves as to why ...

[ezzra]

I fail to grasp the OP intentions... what is the failure of expat here in Thailand is any different

than any other place around the world? the only different could be that here in Thailand

they are in minority wile not the case elsewhere....

[uty6543]

I'd like to know what the OP refers to as 'expat failure'.

What is his/her definition of 'failure' ?

I own a crappy old car, had two sprogs with a Thai woman who I haven't married, I live more of my time in Thailand then I do the West, so fair enough to be classed as an expat ... so ... did I 'fail'?

.

I would define success or failure simply as if your happier here than you were in your home country. Mission accomplished.

[Emster23]

Sure fire way to make sure you never fail is to never take a risk. "People are ashamed of failing at anything, including expatriation, and aren't usually thrilled to broadcast about it." I don't broadcast my failures (air time too expensive), but I don't hide it either. You can learn more from "failures" than from so called "success" if you pay attention and look at it with proper attitude.

[daveAustin]

I think our JT has dug himself a bit of a hole here and probably wishes he approached his thread differently.

IMO, there is a massive difference in what is perceived as failure and what might be someone who has outgrown/moved on from their adopted home, and indeed, how he left and what the views might be from those left behind.

Wanting to go home because you find you don’t enjoy boiling hot weather or you are homesick could be construed as failure, but spending 10 years abroad and heading back because you need change probably isn’t -- we all need variety. However, both might be perceived as failures had our expat stuck two fingers up to everyone, burnt bridges and maxed out credit cards. He continues to berate his country during his tenure here, but now has to go home because he has pissed all is cash away and needs to get back into the bosom of his mommy. A failure? Stoopid? Probably yes on both counts, but at least he had the balls to get out there.

I am personally considering heading back, albeit temporarily. Done 15 and think I’ve all but moved on from Thailand (I no longer consider it ‘amazing’ and, yep, it has changed too), but hey, the re-change might make me love it again. There are other circumstances, such as wanting proper education for kids. Going back with roughly what I came with (am likely more liquid than most of my peers back home), didn’t burn bridges and didn’t say ‘f’k you Britain on my way out!

However, despite all this, it is still likely some will label me as being a candidate for failure, simply to try to get under my skin (some Brits are good at that). But, to these people, I will simply smile and quietly say to myself, ‘go f’k yourself, at least I made the effort’, but I know I’m not a failure because I have been out there and seen and done a hell of a lot and have overseas plans for the future, while you’ll still be sat on your fat furry in the same place spouting the same dribble.

[seadog57]

a happy new year to one and all, I feel it is better to have tried and failed than never have tried at all, or would you rather be sitting in your own homeland WONDERING IF ONLY I HAD TRIED IF ONLY I HAD MOVED as you will live your life wondering. Have so courage give it a go whats the worst you fail return home and start again.

[chicowoodduck]

One big problem is they don't allow themselves an escape hatch - a bolt hole - when they burn out they are stuck in LOS

In general, Don't sell everything and move to Thailand is the moral.. keep a condo or a suite back home for if- when needed

Some expats cannot have this luxury, the at-risk ones sometimes off themselves as a result, feeling trapped in "paradise"..

That is why there are so many high rise condos.....give those trapped a spot to jump off of....?

[happydude303]

a happy new year to one and all, I feel it is better to have tried and failed than never have tried at all, or would you rather be sitting in your own homeland WONDERING IF ONLY I HAD TRIED IF ONLY I HAD MOVED as you will live your life wondering. Have so courage give it a go whats the worst you fail return home and start again.

I think this thread has been a good read , the above is very true and is where I'm at right now do I or don't I

[dotpoom]

I think it's quite simply really. A lot of men who "discover" Thailand love it for it's "Disneyland for Adults" effect. Both the young and the old (who discover their youth again) go on a bit of a joyride until the day comes when they can no longer afford to or are legally able to stay here. By this time they have come to love the "freedom" and the climate so much that they dread the thought of heading back home to a life of rules and regulations again....Reminds me of the time I ran away from home.....only this time my parents aren't looking for me.

[mesquite]

Quite an interesting topic, JT. This should clinch your victory in the POTY contest.

[loonodingle]

Why care what everyone else thinks. They mostly want u to fail. They feel better for it. Sat in the pub yacking see he came back ... lol...

[Pinot]

"Being an expat is hard."

Ummm, yea. Real hard. "Khuu khuang, get me another cup of coffee, please." Trying to think of something to bitch about.

[hawker9000]

I fail to grasp the OP intentions... what is the failure of expat here in Thailand is any different

than any other place around the world? the only different could be that here in Thailand

they are in minority wile not the case elsewhere....

If only there were some data to support or refute this totally speculative comment.

I've noticed this thread has as much as anyrhing else just touched nerves over the term expat failure. 'Says a lot, but it's what I'd have predicted.

[Johnnie99]

OP is correct.

So many come here 'giving up all' (they tell the world) for the loveliness of Thailand but just can't hack it - whether it's the third world nature of the place, the apathy of the people or they simply cannot get used to a basic style of living.

Those that 'slither on out', as someone wrote, are afraid to admit failure - and yes, that is what it is. Those that tell the world in the first place they are going to 'give it a try' are not failures, they are the realists.

The disgusting ex-holidaymakers who come here to live because they cannot get a girl (or boy) at home are equal failures - those are the ones who, on here, moan and groan about how the Thai failed them. Utter losers.

[nithisa78]

Yes, wherever they got here from, they were losers there too. Most of them will be that way until the day they die. RIP

[thejcb]

A large percentage of the type of people attracted to Thailand are @rseholes.

That is why there is larger proportion of 'failures'

[Friendly Stranger]

Consider this scenario.

Not uncommon.

You tell all your friends and family in the west, I'm moving to Thailand to live for life. I'm selling my house, car, etc.

Then you show up again in two years or even ten.

Don't kid yourselves.

To those people, they will think you did not fulfill your intentions, regardless of the loaded word failure or not.

I remember mine.

I quit my job and my friends had a farewell party for me. I always said it was only an experiment as I was looking for a different perspective on life since I was dying back home with the rat race type lifestyle. Don't get me wrong, I loved living in Thailand/Asia, made my own hours, met some great people and exposed to things that I would never have experienced as it seemed like every night was a Saturday night. However, living full-time in Asia was not for me as the summer months were better at home amongst other things.

When I returned my friends and colleagues probably thought I failed but personally I felt living in both Canada and Asia throughout the year would better suit me. So my conclusion, it opened my eyes to reality and I figured out what I liked and disliked about living in each hemisphere.

As for failure, I thank goodness I'm not like one of these guys that stays too long knowing very well that so called paradise has "jumped the shark". Finding fault with everything and everyone is not for me. People have to figure out what they really want in life as it has to be realistic as it cannot be a party all the time, I know this sounds simplistic but it's so true.

So, it's back to planning my 5 months in Asia and 7 in Canada - best of both worlds IMHO.

[AYJAYDEE]

If a guy moves 20 different times in his own country for reasons of job change or just to get a change of scene, friends and activities, no one bats an eye. I dont see the difference here

[scubascuba3]

I would say failure is running out of money and having to return home to fall on the state or worse find a tall condo. Failed to budget based on the money you have and how long you need it to last.

Going back home or trying somewhere new is definitely not failure, it's good to try things even if you subsequently change your mind and go somewhere different.

[kannot]

One big problem is they don't allow themselves an escape hatch - a bolt hole - when they burn out they are stuck in LOS

In general, Don't sell everything and move to Thailand is the moral.. keep a condo or a suite back home for if- when needed

Some expats cannot have this luxury, the at-risk ones sometimes off themselves as a result, feeling trapped in "paradise"..

The you have the types that come with nothing anyway and had nothing to sell in the UK, witness the threads starting "coming to Thailand with £5000" etc etc

[empireboy]

Consider this scenario.

Not uncommon.

You tell all your friends and family in the west, I'm moving to Thailand to live for life. I'm selling my house, car, etc.

Then you show up again in two years or even ten.

Don't kid yourselves.

To those people, they will think you did not fulfill your intentions, regardless of the loaded word failure or not.

I'm with you on this whole point... whilst some can 'spin' the story into something to salvage their ego, for many (sure not all) it is tough and it is failure... hopefully such folk have enough genuine friends in their world to support them when they return... Others sadly, just jump off balconies and the like. I had one such friend last year... sad sad sad.

[kannot]

A large percentage of the type of people attracted to Thailand are @rseholes.

That is why there is larger proportion of 'failures'

You dont hear from the folk that do ok though as they dont feel the need to tell the world how Thailand screwed them over.

[TDCNINJA]

I get bored easy and I can't work anymore and am still relatively young. If you look at nithisa78's profile I have two of what he is displaying. I got my "retirement" the hard way.

In October 2010, I moved to the Philippines. I've been here since. I told my friends, family and anyone that would listen that I was fed up with the US. I disliked (still do) her politics, the crushing, smothering political correctness and the attitudes of mostly old, fat, white women.

After three months of being constantly drunk, hungover, and sleeping with over 130 women in 90 days, I was bored stiff. I thought about returning home at that time. Took all of about 15 minutes. I knew that if I went home I would kick myself halfway in the air.

Where the hell is an old, disabled, fat, 49 year old white guy gonna get laid on a nightly basis with 18-24 year olds?

One of the best things I've found is to move around and travel a bit. I've moved around quite a bit. One year here. 6 months there. I never stay long enough to let the moss grow under my toes.

Am I a failure? Pretty much.

Do I give a shit? No.

If I gave a shit what others thought of me I wouldn't even be here.

Your question is, by its very nature, extremely vain and representative of why I left the west in the first place.

[ozyjon]

they go, they try it and find they don't like it! so what? why do you call that a failure?

Because like someone i know who likes to show off to his friends back home about what a great life

it is in Thailand, how everything is so cheap and you can have a great life on very little, eventually

after much badgering from his peers, this person is retired from work due to age, moves to Thailand,

marries his Thai darling he has known for years, a country girl, not the bar type, buys a modest house,

a modest car, and motor bike, furnishes the house, landscapes the garden, sends many photos back

home to show off his success, when i caught up with him last time he confessed to me that he has

made the biggest mistake of his life, the missus now spends the days out with her friends drinking,

goes off at daybreak, comes home in the evenings completely drunk and sometimes won't come

home for days,, i couldn't believe this so i asked the neighbors and they confirmed how this timid

lady would come home in the evening and start shouting and arguing throwing things at the walls, they

told me the fights were very violent,,, this is the saddest thing i have ever encountered because this

fellow won't leave because a: lack of money and b: his friends will consider him a failure,, i wonder how

many other people are in the same situation, i suppose abuse goes both ways but we seldom hear

about the husband being abused.

[northernjohn]

I failed in my own country but am successful in Thailand.

I like this comment.

People have a chance to reinvent themselves when they expatriate.

Probably much more so when a westerner moves to the "exotic" east as here in Thailand.

It's an opportunity but also a risk.

I would take it a step farther. I am convinced that there are people here who had made them selves socially unacceptable where they came from and are doing the same thing here. They have the money but lack the ability to remotely fit is for any period of time. So they move on to another country. I supposed in the true sense of the word they are an expat but will never last more than a couple of years before moving on.

I also do not classify some one who is sent here by their employer as an ex pat and to a large degree many of the missionaries.

[sirineou]

Consider this scenario.

Not uncommon.

You tell all your friends and family in the west, I'm moving to Thailand to live for life. I'm selling my house, car, etc.

Then you show up again in two years or even ten.

Don't kid yourselves.

To those people, they will think you did not fulfill your intentions, regardless of the loaded word failure or not.

I find my self in agreement with JT on this subject

if one enters in to an endeavor , any endeavor, with a specific set of goals in mind, and one fails to achieve these goals, then that person has failed. at least as far as that particular endeavor is concerned.

I Have thought about this subject when trying to understand the reasons behind the unusual amount of animosity a large number of expats exhibit toward Thais. and Thailand

I think this animosity is directly proportional to the rate of failure.

People arrive here with unreasonable expectations, when they fail to realize those expectations, they rationalize their failure as the fault of the Thais, or Thailand, rather than their own failure to set reasonable expectations.

[NancyL]

they go, they try it and find they don't like it! so what? why do you call that a failure?

Because like someone i know who likes to show off to his friends back home about what a great life

it is in Thailand, how everything is so cheap and you can have a great life on very little, eventually

after much badgering from his peers, this person is retired from work due to age, moves to Thailand,

marries his Thai darling he has known for years, a country girl, not the bar type, buys a modest house,

a modest car, and motor bike, furnishes the house, landscapes the garden, sends many photos back

home to show off his success, when i caught up with him last time he confessed to me that he has

made the biggest mistake of his life, the missus now spends the days out with her friends drinking,

goes off at daybreak, comes home in the evenings completely drunk and sometimes won't come

home for days,, i couldn't believe this so i asked the neighbors and they confirmed how this timid

lady would come home in the evening and start shouting and arguing throwing things at the walls, they

told me the fights were very violent,,, this is the saddest thing i have ever encountered because this

fellow won't leave because a: lack of money and b: his friends will consider him a failure,, i wonder how

many other people are in the same situation, i suppose abuse goes both ways but we seldom hear

about the husband being abused.

Yes, this is more the type of story I thought of when I read the topic title of "failed expat".

Not someone who decided "this isn't for me and I'm going back to my home country".

No one considers it a failure when you move from one part of your home country to another in search of better job or just out of boredom and the desire to enjoy a better climate and living conditions when you're retired.

It's "expat failure" when someone has to stay here because they can't afford to leave or are can't admit they invested everything in building a false life for themselves.

[marko kok prong]

they go, they try it and find they don't like it! so what? why do you call that a failure?

Because like someone i know who likes to show off to his friends back home about what a great life

it is in Thailand, how everything is so cheap and you can have a great life on very little, eventually

after much badgering from his peers, this person is retired from work due to age, moves to Thailand,

marries his Thai darling he has known for years, a country girl, not the bar type, buys a modest house,

a modest car, and motor bike, furnishes the house, landscapes the garden, sends many photos back

home to show off his success, when i caught up with him last time he confessed to me that he has

made the biggest mistake of his life, the missus now spends the days out with her friends drinking,

goes off at daybreak, comes home in the evenings completely drunk and sometimes won't come

home for days,, i couldn't believe this so i asked the neighbors and they confirmed how this timid

lady would come home in the evening and start shouting and arguing throwing things at the walls, they

told me the fights were very violent,,, this is the saddest thing i have ever encountered because this

fellow won't leave because a: lack of money and b: his friends will consider him a failure,, i wonder how

many other people are in the same situation, i suppose abuse goes both ways but we seldom hear

about the husband being abused.

Feel very sorry for this chap,seems he has fallen into the classic Thailand trap,which is why i have ensured if things go pear shaped i can walk away without taking too much of a hit,would i consider that failure,probably yes,if it was me who caused things to fall apart.

[MauiSteveBKK]

Ridiculous Topic.

So many variable .... so much difference in people.

I live half Maui & half Thailand.

90% of the people come to "The Most Beautiful Place On The Planet" and leave.

REASON: If You Believe You Will Live The Same ... Your Life Will Be The Same ... If You Try To Make Your Life The Same As The Place You're Coming From -- You Will Fail.

We see it all the time.

[AYJAYDEE]

they go, they try it and find they don't like it! so what? why do you call that a failure?

Because like someone i know who likes to show off to his friends back home about what a great life

it is in Thailand, how everything is so cheap and you can have a great life on very little, eventually

after much badgering from his peers, this person is retired from work due to age, moves to Thailand,

marries his Thai darling he has known for years, a country girl, not the bar type, buys a modest house,

a modest car, and motor bike, furnishes the house, landscapes the garden, sends many photos back

home to show off his success, when i caught up with him last time he confessed to me that he has

made the biggest mistake of his life, the missus now spends the days out with her friends drinking,

goes off at daybreak, comes home in the evenings completely drunk and sometimes won't come

home for days,, i couldn't believe this so i asked the neighbors and they confirmed how this timid

lady would come home in the evening and start shouting and arguing throwing things at the walls, they

told me the fights were very violent,,, this is the saddest thing i have ever encountered because this

fellow won't leave because a: lack of money and b: his friends will consider him a failure,, i wonder how

many other people are in the same situation, i suppose abuse goes both ways but we seldom hear

about the husband being abused.

then the failure was due to his bragging not the fact that it didnt work out.

[EmptyHead]

I am in my late 20s and my bird is in her late 30s (i also have more curves than her)

I earn 30k.

EPIC FAIL.

But, what would my life be like in the west? Hmmmmmm.....?