Im having pre-marriage jitters

[Southerndrawl]

I ve been dating a Thai woman for over a year and we are planning to get married. I have been married before, she has not. Our age difference is 15 years. I was married for 20 years and then (a nasty) divorce.

This is probably the most unemotional relationship I have ever had, I am not head over heels passionately in love with her, nor is she with me, but we have a good relationship, and she is the first woman I have considered strongly for marriage since I started coming here.

I have weighed the pros and cons of our relationship and her as a person, and here is what I have come up with:

Pros:

She is responsible, never late always early, never waits until the last minute to do anything and never misses a day day of work.

She is dependable, if I ask her to do something, it gets done

She is trustworthy, she has never made me doubt her integrity

She knows how to relax

She does not drink or smoke

Our physical relationship is good.

I find her attractive.

She is polite and has good manners and is not pushy towards others.

She is patient.

She is willing to marry me without sin sot or tungmun.

Cons:

She is a little bit commandeering and does not talk to me sweetly as other Thai gf's I have had.

She is condescending sometimes, as if I should have known about something even if I had no experience with it before.

She has never been married before and at her age, makes me wonder why.

She is antisocial. She does not like going to parties, doesnt have many friends, and we rarely if ever go out as a couple with other couples.

I want to take her back to my home country, and she wants to come, but Im just afraid that it will lead to another divorce. I am just not 100% sure about her, and thats why I am getting the jitters as we are talking about marriage. She has not given me an ultimatum or anything like that, but she knows that I know that if I am not going to marry her, she can find someone else that will, and she doesnt want to waste her or my time.

I understand that marriage is not final, but I really do not want to go through another divorce and heartbreak. Im not sure what would happen if I took marriage off the table, and did not mention it again. We could possibly go on as things are, but then she would not be able to come home with me. I thought about applying for a K-1 visa for her, to see how she likes it over there, but that will take around a years time and I have become tired of living in Thailand and want to go back home for a long stretch.

Has anyone had these doubts and concerns before getting married? Im just trying to be more careful this time around, and trying not to make another bad decision.

Thanks for reading.

Edited January 21, 2015 by Southerndrawl

[Rajhulmaheesh]

Dont do it! You said it loud and clear. You both arent into each other. You want something dependable-get a dog.

Another pro:she has nothing to do with Pattaya...............hahahahaha!

Edited January 21, 2015 by Rajhulmaheesh

[daveAustin]

Getting married so that she can have the visa and go back with you? Understand the bit about being tired of this place, but sounds a bit drastic. IMO, I would heed these 'jitters', intuition or whatever you want to call it. They are trying to tell you something. I would definitely recommend more time before committing.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Don't do it, she doesn't like you much, and you don't like her much either.

Get a dog (not a wife), dogs are perfect company for the lonely.

[Southerndrawl]

I would say that we are "not into eachother," but the chemistry is different than with my farang wife. This woman is more reserved, calmer than my ex, and thinks things through rationally.

I have given up on trying to find the perfect woman. I have come to the realization that I too am not perfect, far from it, so if I found a woman who puts up with me on a daily basis, I should be grateful.

[Rajhulmaheesh]

Another guy marrying for all the wrong reasons. Great comedy for us nothing else.

You also notice how op gives age difference but not actual age. ThIS is very troubling. He knows it but is trying to avoid the discussion.

I guess by the post op is near senoir citizenship......................hahahaha!

[Southerndrawl]

Getting married so that she can have the visa and go back with you? Understand the bit about being tired of this place, but sounds a bit drastic. IMO, I would heed these 'jitters', intuition or whatever you want to call it. They are trying to tell you something. I would definitely recommend more time before committing.

Yes youre right, it might be a bit drastic. But given the alternative of staying here, trying to find a more perfect woman, and then starting the whole process again, it seems like not such a bad choice.

[Southerndrawl]

Another guy marrying for all the wrong reasons. Great comedy for us nothing else.

You also notice how op gives age difference but not actual age. ThIS is very troubling. He knows it but is trying to avoid the discussion.

I guess by the post op is near senoir citizenship......................hahahaha!

So what is your "right reason" to get married? I bet 90% of Thai people have a different reason than yours, no offense intended.

[Rajhulmaheesh]

Sounds like op is a beaten down old man. Go for it MAN!

You asked for our input. You not liking what you hear. Dont ask for us to validate stupidness-we cant do it..................hahahaha!

[Briggsy]

Job, job, what is her job?

From this we can begin to deduce how she spends her days, what the source of her income is and how much it is.

Also education level please. Thank you.

[uptheos]

"She has never been married before and at her age, makes me wonder why".

How have you verified this?

[Southerndrawl]

Sounds like op is a beaten down old man. Go for it MAN!

You asked for our input. You not liking what you hear. Dont ask for us to validate stupidness-we cant do it..................hahahaha!

No need for that kind of talk. Try be be nice and polite, if its in you.

[Southerndrawl]

Job, job, what is her job?

From this we can begin to deduce how she spends her days, what the source of her income is and how much it is.

Also education level please. Thank you.

Accounting clerk with 2 years of university.

[Southerndrawl]

"She has never been married before and at her age, makes me wonder why".

How have you verified this?

I have just taken her word for this.

[transam]

Fink a "money" one way street.....................

[Southerndrawl]

Fink a "money" one way street.....................

????

[Briggsy]

Job, job, what is her job?

From this we can begin to deduce how she spends her days, what the source of her income is and how much it is.

Also education level please. Thank you.

Accounting clerk with 2 years of university.

2 years of university is odd for a Thai. The obvious qualification this points to is Por Wor Sor in Accounting. This is a vocational diploma. It is actually 2 years in a commercial college but equates to the first 2 years of a university degree.

Accounting students are the only ones with half a brain in commercial colleges. It is seen as the hard course.

And she actually works in accounting.

If this is the case, this is good.

Proceed with the marriage.

You have higher odds of success than most.

[uptheos]

"She has never been married before and at her age, makes me wonder why".

How have you verified this?

I have just taken her word for this.

What can I say?

[Southerndrawl]

Job, job, what is her job?

From this we can begin to deduce how she spends her days, what the source of her income is and how much it is.

Also education level please. Thank you.

Accounting clerk with 2 years of university.

2 years of university is odd for a Thai. The obvious qualification this points to is Por Wor Sor in Accounting. This is a vocational diploma. It is actually 2 years in a commercial college but equates to the first 2 years of a university degree.

Accounting students are the only ones with half a brain in commercial colleges. It is seen as the hard course.

And she actually works in accounting.

If this is the case, this is good.

Proceed with the marriage.

You have higher odds of success than most.

Thanks for this Briggsy.

[transam]

Fink a "money" one way street.....................

????

Nooooooooo love, so what is the marriage thing about...............?

[Southerndrawl]

Fink a "money" one way street.....................

????

Nooooooooo love, so what is the marriage thing about...............?

I love, admire and respect her as a person and I am willing to accept her as she is.

Edited January 21, 2015 by Southerndrawl

[Rajhulmaheesh]

ITs about what 90% of thai marriages are about................lol.

All of us naysayers are going to drive this guy to marry the darn girl.

Notice how now op loves the girl. Very contradictory to his true feelings as stated in opening post. Always go by whats first said-not the spin that comes later.

Edited January 21, 2015 by Rajhulmaheesh

[Southerndrawl]

ITs about what 90% of thai marriages are about................lol.

So what is your "right reason" to get married?

[Southerndrawl]

ITs about what 90% of thai marriages are about................lol.

All of us naysayers are going to drive this guy to marry the darn girl.

You just might!

[Southerndrawl]

I would say that we are "not into eachother," but the chemistry is different than with my farang wife. This woman is more reserved, calmer than my ex, and thinks things through rationally.

I have given up on trying to find the perfect woman. I have come to the realization that I too am not perfect, far from it, so if I found a woman who puts up with me on a daily basis, I should be grateful.

That was supposed to read. "I WOULDNT say that we are not into eachother. I think we are.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

ITs about what 90% of thai marriages are about................lol.

So what is your "right reason" to get married?

To have babies, actually it's the only reason for marriage, unless both families are huge landholders or railroad barons.

[Southerndrawl]

ITs about what 90% of thai marriages are about................lol.

So what is your "right reason" to get married?

To have babies, actually it's the only reason for marriage, unless both families are huge landholders or railroad barons.

I guess thats one reason.

[ChrisB87]

How will you feel in a marriage without passion? As time goes by, it will only become more passionless.

[Southerndrawl]

How will you feel in a marriage without passion? As time goes by, it will only become more passionless.

Maybe true, but isnt that the case for any marriage unless your really work hard at it? My first marriage was very passionate at first, but after having kids, enduring various illnesses, and add to that work related stress, I think its normal for passion to decline over time and advancing age.

The fact that I dont have an overwhelming amount of passion at this point doesnt really bother me. I would rather it just stay consistent over time, that would be something I could deal with as time goes by, I hope my GF can too. I try to do more than 50% in the relationship, take good care of her, and put more into it than when I was married before. My gf notices it and appreciates it. She is a practical woman too. I guess we all have to give something up in order to find a relationship that lasts. I hope this one does.

Edited January 21, 2015 by Southerndrawl

[Rajhulmaheesh]

I change my mind. An old guy found a girl with half a brain. You have my blessing!