All we have are my savings in Thailand - How would she get it?

[chuckacinco]

This is painful to write. I have been married almost ten years. It is getting so I can't come home anymore. It is so awful. I can't bear it.

I am not having an affair, I just have a woman who doesn't think staying at home is a good life. I promise you, she doesn't have to work hard at all. The hardest part is my eight-year old daughter who is the love of my life. I know I will probably never see her again. I just can't take the abuse anymore.

We don't own a house or a car. I have a savings account in my name. If I leave, how would she get her "entitled" half of the savings? Can I just withdraw it now and put it in an account she doesn't know about? We are legally married here in Thailand.

I have a work permit to stay in Thailand another year and I have to honor that contract. I can't just take off. What can I do?

I would be very grateful for a response.

Chuckacinco

[jacky54]

why can't you stand her, does she nag you for a house and a car?

[Berkshire]

"...., I just have a woman who doesn't think staying at home is a good life."

Can you explain what that means?

[nottocus]

Man up.

[benalibina]

To answer your question.....if she would play it smart and be nice.........can she ?

Do not worry though, there are plenty of MEN on this forum who are, being unaware of, in a manipulative relationship with a woman. Be happy that you realised it after all. Having a child together certainly delayed the realisation.

Good luck !!

[NeverSure]

Yes move your savings yesterday. That would put the burden on her to get it and stop her from withdrawing.

Next cut a verbal deal with her to pay child support. That money will buy you access to your child, and you will certainly feel better about at least trying to help the child. Any time she denies access to the child, cut the money until she relents. Stay in touch with the child with cards and gifts and verify she got them when you see her. By the time the child is grown she will want to see you of her own volition.

[fey]

it's possible to purchase gold bars.

a 1 kilo 24 karat bar is around 40K (many smaller bars available also)

size is equivalent to an iphone

weight is about 2 lbs

Get a special suitcase and just cart it with you, either trusting it to a hotel safe, hiding it in your room, or getting a lock box somewhere (maybe under an assumed name).

You can get these locks that will attach your hand to the suitcase when you travel to you never set it down. Some of the cases are slim and look like laptop cases.

would need to check regulations for each country to prevent them from possibly being confiscated. also, if not declared it could be criminal with possible jail time. also, you could get taxed heavily going across borders.

[jacko45k]

If you have an account in your name you can do what you like with it.

She cannot access it without a court order, and I would guess that might be part of any divorce action and subsequent claims.

I am presuming she does not have her name on the account, does not know the PIN or any internet/mobile log-in abilities to it, nor hold an ATM for it!!!

Be prepared for some malicious issues between you, you already give an impression she resents you and it is time to stand up to her and get your life back under your control. Good luck.

[DiamondKing]

If she finds any account in your name can be frozen until the court date and the fact that you already changed bank accounts shows your intent to defraud your wife, its a tough one that is for sure but with the limited info you are providing its tough to give you advice.

Is she going out every night is that the case ??? do you feel she is cheating on you if so and you can catch her with clear evidence you will be in a very strong position not only to get custody of your child but also the option to SUE the person boning your wife if its more than just a 1 night thing.additionally she would forfeit any share of the marital assets also if caught as an adulterer.

Get evidence then take your daughter and file for divorce with application for child custody.

[Guest]

I am not sure what this means: "I just have a woman who doesn't think staying at home is a good life"

If it means, "My woman is never home" then yes, you have a serious problem in your marriage.

You did not ask us to solve the problem, but how to secure your funds.

It is quite simple:

(1) Take your passport and bankbook to a different bank and open an account.

(2) Go to your current bank and withdraw CASH.

(3) Take CASH to your new bank and deposit it.

(4) Is this really that difficult to think of? I think you want advice on your marriage, not your money, so here it is.

If your woman is cheating on you, take 100% and never look back ... Period. End of story.

If this is simply a failed marriage, look inward and ask yourself how you will feel in 5 years if you just take all the money and run, leaving your wife and child high and dry. Then, do the right thing.

As to one person's suggestion of buying gold bars and chaining them to your wrist, see this as a sanity test. If you think that is reasonable, you have failed the test.

[kerrysum]

Next?

I agree, man up! Just a thought mind you....

Eight year old daughter just a tool used by the Mrs.

[longstebe]

I'm waiting for him to come back on before commenting.

18 Hrs and counting..........tic toc tic toc.

[thaiturkey]

IMPORTANT POINT

Under Thai marital law, any assetts owned before the marriage remain (your) Personal Property.

I presume that most of your savings accumulated before you settled in Thailand, and therefore they are NOT MARITAL PROPERTY!

You are wise not to have invested in land here, as this would put you in a very vulnerable position.

If you get involved in any litigation, beware of crooked lawyers. There is a particularly bad one active on this website!

If your wife is cheating on you, hire a private detective to get evidence. You will then be able to get custody of your kid, and walk away.

[bushdoctor]

A semi-wise man once said, "If you let things get out of hand, things get out of hand."

I would take the money out of the bank and secure it safely somewhere outside of the banking system....somewhere with no paper trail. I'm not sure how long you plan on staying with her, but maybe you could take a little out at a time until there's a minimal amount left. Then you can claim you spent it and you're nearly broke. With luck she'll leave you. Problem solved.

[Paul888]

The post telling the guy to "man up" is harsh but it is not wrong.

Talk to your wife. Tell her you are unhappy and why and she will probably tell you she is unhappy and why. Decide whether either of you can change and if there is a future together, and if there is not, do the best thing for your child by taking responsibility to keep a roof over her head, food on the table and an education.

You may be happy to live as you do, but think about your situation from your wife's point of view. She has a farang husband but in her eyes no security.

[peterb17]

No idea how to help the OP- not enough information.

A question is the advert placing so clever- we have an advert for divorce lawyers next to his post.

All these ads do drive you a bit crazy- especially the one that pops up at the bottom of the page.

[ABCer]

Our life is not about security. Nobody is entitled to it. Love and satisfaction should be the only reasons to stay together.

If you are unhappy - leave. Any delays, talking to her, attempts to patch up will only rob you on time and strengthen her position.

If your account is not yet emptied or frozen - do it yourself. Cash is the only way. Gold attached to your hand? - you can lose a hand with it.

Writing in riddles and asking for advice is a guarantied wrong advice.

8 y.o. daughter may be the love of your life. Problem is - are you? If you manage to stay connected and do the right things - one day she might chose you. But not at this age.

If 'agree' with your wife on child support - do not trust her. No cash solutions! Make sure your girl gets real tangible benefits -good education is best.

As an afterthought - how did you get to such a state? Abuse? Not being able to come home? You must have done something wrong? Like being a door mat?

[KhnomKhnom]

Your beer glass is full of your tears so it is time to sober up and either write the details or just be embarrassed by this non-question question.

[malt25]

Man up.

Great advice.... NOT ! You have no idea of his circumstances. He's at least manned up enough to bare his sole & ask for help.

If this is your best advice..... bugger off.

A few more details OP & I'm there's some sincere advice available.

Cheers to all....... except nottocus..... who or whatever that might be.

[EmptyHead]

Why not put the money in an account in your home country?

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Move you money to a different bank, in a different account.

Take it out as cash, walk to another bank, pay it in.

This isn't hard.

[Godders]

You have provided insufficient information for anyone to give you a definitive answer to your situation, though the Ask The Lawyer service provided on this website will obviously be able to help you with regard to the legal aspects. Irrespective of the particular circumstances of your domestic situation, may I suggest a few points to ponder before you act in haste (and possibly repent at leisure)?

1 Your wife is not "entitled" to half your savings, unless they were all accumulated after you married.

2 You have a legal as well as moral duty to help support the daughter you helped bring into the world. As a father myself, I find it inconceivable that you can even consider not seeing her again.

3 A broken marriage usually has a negative impact on a child and can cause permanent psychological damage. If you truly care for your daughter, would it not be worth consulting a marriage counsellor about your marital problems? I gather Thai domestic courts have powers to help resolve domestic disputes before they lead to divorce proceedings. Worth checking out.

4 If you are unable to patch things up, the best way to protect at least some of your bank savings is to persuade your wife to accept a divorce by consent, with a written agreement covering the division of all jointly-owned assets as well as custody and visiting rights relating to your child. The agreement can be registered with the Amphur office where you were originally married, where you will need to apply for a consensual divorce It's a simple process which takes minutes and costs next to nothing.

5 The unpleasant alternative to a mutually agreed separation is a contested divorce in a Thai court, which is inevitably something of a lottery, with only the lawyers you will both need to employ - at considerable expense - guaranteed a satisfactory outcome.

In your situation, I would feel duty bound to try every means possible to prevent my child being raised without a loving, full-time father.

[chuckacinco]

Thank you all for the considerate replies. I don't know about the "man up" part and what that means. I promise you I honestly am aware of the range of responses possible and given the anonymous nature of Thaivisa, I accept whatever you guys say. You can tell by my avatar I have been involved with Thaivisa for awhile. My posts are honest but I don't read this site regularly. I have lived here since 1989. So, just so we are clear it's not like I just made up some troll post to enjoy the responses. This is a real problem and I am asking for a response from you guys. Nothing else.

Here's the situation, and sincerely appreciate your feedback. My wife stays at home. She doesn't clean or take care of the house. She is supposed to do this just the same as me going to work everyday. I am not exploiting her. Everything involving the care and feeding of myself and to some extent my daughter is a giant pain in the ass for her. I work during the day and come home. It's terrible. I like home. I don't like going out. I would love to have some kind of come home, chill out, play with my kid, chat with the wife kind of life. I give her an allowance, pay for mother's insurance, pay any number of trips with friends. Last year I paid for a trip to Japan. Nothing is good enough. Four years ago I took to visit my family in The States. Disnleyland, Seaworld, San Diego Zoo all that stuff. Not good enough. My family can't stand her. Nothing was good enough and you wouldn't believe her mouth.

I would be happy to get a maid. I am not stupid. She won't let me. I tried cleaning the house myself, I don't do it right. Jesus Christ. We have a laundry and washing service, we have a maid come in once a week to hose out the larger chunks of filth. She pissed off all the time and plays candycrush to four o'clock in the morning every night and struggles to wake up, take my daughter to school (usually late and I get into the principal's office for that) then she sleeps, wakes up to pick my daughter up from school. I come home around five or six. The stench of dirty dishes, laundry, and garbage. We rent a beautiful three bedroom house that is wonderful. New paint, great floors, I used to live in shitty Thai studios. This is the best place I have lived. We have lived here for almost eight years.

I have gone to a counselor that specializes in Thai-Foriegner relations. She won't go. I went and the answers were commonsense. "Make your needs clear, be understanding, look at the big picture, create intimacy" all that stuff.

Here is where I am now. I told her that she only has to cook three meals for me. Three lousy dinners on Monday, Wednesday, and Sunday night. The food is cold. It's left out. Her cooking has made me sick five times. She doesn't understand the refridgerator. She doesn't understand cleaning the dishes. I can't tell you how stupid it is trying to explain with her chopping a piece of raw chicken then cutting a pineapple for us with the same knife. I could go on and on.

You know that show about people who hoard stuff so that their houses are filled with shit? That's my house. Wrappers, unread magazines, flyers, old bill envelopes - you wouldn't believe it.

So, I have put up with this for awhile. It wasn't this bad when we first got married. Now, it's like being with a crazy person. She's educated and she speaks English. She has a degree in business and English from Ramkamhaeng. She was born in Bangkok. She isn't a country girl but her mother is. She is an only child. Her mother is lovely by the way. You couldn't guess that this is where my wife came from.

I am just sick of it. I want to know if I take the money out of the account she knows about and put it into one she doesn't, can the Thai legal system allow her to get at the money?

OR

Would it be better, given the acceptable reasons for divorce, just stay married. I am already eating out only coming home late at night. I wake up and go to work. Then I get home late and go to bed. It's horrible. I just want to go home. If I do decide to come home early, it sit in stench and filth while she bitches that I am a lousy provider, husband. worker, father - did I leave anything out?

I see as I am typing this, people are responding. I want to read the replies.

Thank you guys,

Chuckacinco

[steven100]

OP question ..... does not compute ... no answer .... insufficient information ... warning .. danger ... insufficient information ... negative >>>>

[steven100]

Thank you all for the considerate replies. I don't know about the "man up" part and what that means. I promise you I honestly am aware of the range of responses possible and given the anonymous nature of Thaivisa, I accept whatever you guys say. You can tell by my avatar I have been involved with Thaivisa for awhile. My posts are honest but I don't read this site regularly. I have lived here since 1989. So, just so we are clear it's not like I just made up some troll post to enjoy the responses. This is a real problem and I am asking for a response from you guys. Nothing else.

Here's the situation, and sincerely appreciate your feedback. My wife stays at home. She doesn't clean or take care of the house. She is supposed to do this just the same as me going to work everyday. I am not exploiting her. Everything involving the care and feeding of myself and to some extent my daughter is a giant pain in the ass for her. I work during the day and come home. It's terrible. I like home. I don't like going out. I would love to have some kind of come home, chill out, play with my kid, chat with the wife kind of life. I give her an allowance, pay for mother's insurance, pay any number of trips with friends. Last year I paid for a trip to Japan. Nothing is good enough. Four years ago I took to visit my family in The States. Disnleyland, Seaworld, San Diego Zoo all that stuff. Not good enough. My family can't stand her. Nothing was good enough and you wouldn't believe her mouth.

I would be happy to get a maid. I am not stupid. She won't let me. I tried cleaning the house myself, I don't do it right. Jesus Christ. We have a laundry and washing service, we have a maid come in once a week to hose out the larger chunks of filth. She pissed off all the time and plays candycrush to four o'clock in the morning every night and struggles to wake up, take my daughter to school (usually late and I get into the principal's office for that) then she sleeps, wakes up to pick my daughter up from school. I come home around five or six. The stench of dirty dishes, laundry, and garbage. We rent a beautiful three bedroom house that is wonderful. New paint, great floors, I used to live in shitty Thai studios. This is the best place I have lived. We have lived here for almost eight years.

I have gone to a counselor that specializes in Thai-Foriegner relations. She won't go. I went and the answers were commonsense. "Make your needs clear, be understanding, look at the big picture, create intimacy" all that stuff.

Here is where I am now. I told her that she only has to cook three meals for me. Three lousy dinners on Monday, Wednesday, and Sunday night. The food is cold. It's left out. Her cooking has made me sick five times. She doesn't understand the refridgerator. She doesn't understand cleaning the dishes. I can't tell you how stupid it is trying to explain with her chopping a piece of raw chicken then cutting a pineapple for us with the same knife. I could go on and on.

You know that show about people who hoard stuff so that their houses are filled with shit? That's my house. Wrappers, unread magazines, flyers, old bill envelopes - you wouldn't believe it.

So, I have put up with this for awhile. It wasn't this bad when we first got married. Now, it's like being with a crazy person. She's educated and she speaks English. She has a degree in business and English from Ramkamhaeng. She was born in Bangkok. She isn't a country girl but her mother is. She is an only child. Her mother is lovely by the way. You couldn't guess that this is where my wife came from.

I am just sick of it. I want to know if I take the money out of the account she knows about and put it into one she doesn't, can the Thai legal system allow her to get at the money?

OR

Would it be better, given the acceptable reasons for divorce, just stay married. I am already eating out only coming home late at night. I wake up and go to work. Then I get home late and go to bed. It's horrible. I just want to go home. If I do decide to come home early, it sit in stench and filth while she bitches that I am a lousy provider, husband. worker, father - did I leave anything out?

I see as I am typing this, people are responding. I want to read the replies.

Thank you guys,

Chuckacinco

To answer your question simple :

Under Thai law she cannot and is not entitled to any money you had in your account before you were married.

She is entitled to possibly 50% of your savings in your account after you are legally married. ( the exact amount would need verification by a lawyer )

Either way , just shift the money into a new ( home country ) account if possible ....

then whatever you decide to do with the marriage, should it be divorce ... you may have to give her some of that savings back ... but at least the money is with you and no one can access it except you.

it sounds like she is lazy, and want's to make life as miserable as she can ....

tell her to change or it's good bye .... you can still arrange to see your daughter every week and give child support $$ ... ( just work that out with your wife and come to an amicable figure thereby you don't have to spend more money on a divorce and legals ) unless you would sooner part ways ???

[chuckacinco]

Thank you for your patience

SImply stated,

I am trying to figure out how to protect my savings from being halved by a woman who doesn't deserve it. If I go the conventional divorce route, that seems to be the way it would be. I don't have any problem providing for my daughter.

So, can I get a bank account she doesn't know about to protect my savings?

Can I give it to a relative to hang onto until this blows over?

Should I stay married to protect my savings - she isn't being abandoned, I'm not cheating, and I am providing for her financlally (the reasons a woman can sue for divorce), I just can't stay at home.

I am just asking, what advice would you give?

Thanks,

Chuckacinco

[chuckacinco]

Steven,

Thank you. I set up a home account about a year ago to prepare for this dreading the possibility. I think I am patient. It's terrible. I have really done everything to avoid this. In know what I am losing. Thank you for your considerate reply. You are a good man.

Chuckacinco

[steven100]

Thank you all for the considerate replies. I don't know about the "man up" part and what that means. I promise you I honestly am aware of the range of responses possible and given the anonymous nature of Thaivisa, I accept whatever you guys say. You can tell by my avatar I have been involved with Thaivisa for awhile. My posts are honest but I don't read this site regularly. I have lived here since 1989. So, just so we are clear it's not like I just made up some troll post to enjoy the responses. This is a real problem and I am asking for a response from you guys. Nothing else.

Here's the situation, and sincerely appreciate your feedback. My wife stays at home. She doesn't clean or take care of the house. She is supposed to do this just the same as me going to work everyday. I am not exploiting her. Everything involving the care and feeding of myself and to some extent my daughter is a giant pain in the ass for her. I work during the day and come home. It's terrible. I like home. I don't like going out. I would love to have some kind of come home, chill out, play with my kid, chat with the wife kind of life. I give her an allowance, pay for mother's insurance, pay any number of trips with friends. Last year I paid for a trip to Japan. Nothing is good enough. Four years ago I took to visit my family in The States. Disnleyland, Seaworld, San Diego Zoo all that stuff. Not good enough. My family can't stand her. Nothing was good enough and you wouldn't believe her mouth.

I would be happy to get a maid. I am not stupid. She won't let me. I tried cleaning the house myself, I don't do it right. Jesus Christ. We have a laundry and washing service, we have a maid come in once a week to hose out the larger chunks of filth. She pissed off all the time and plays candycrush to four o'clock in the morning every night and struggles to wake up, take my daughter to school (usually late and I get into the principal's office for that) then she sleeps, wakes up to pick my daughter up from school. I come home around five or six. The stench of dirty dishes, laundry, and garbage. We rent a beautiful three bedroom house that is wonderful. New paint, great floors, I used to live in shitty Thai studios. This is the best place I have lived. We have lived here for almost eight years.

I have gone to a counselor that specializes in Thai-Foriegner relations. She won't go. I went and the answers were commonsense. "Make your needs clear, be understanding, look at the big picture, create intimacy" all that stuff.

Here is where I am now. I told her that she only has to cook three meals for me. Three lousy dinners on Monday, Wednesday, and Sunday night. The food is cold. It's left out. Her cooking has made me sick five times. She doesn't understand the refridgerator. She doesn't understand cleaning the dishes. I can't tell you how stupid it is trying to explain with her chopping a piece of raw chicken then cutting a pineapple for us with the same knife. I could go on and on.

You know that show about people who hoard stuff so that their houses are filled with shit? That's my house. Wrappers, unread magazines, flyers, old bill envelopes - you wouldn't believe it.

So, I have put up with this for awhile. It wasn't this bad when we first got married. Now, it's like being with a crazy person. She's educated and she speaks English. She has a degree in business and English from Ramkamhaeng. She was born in Bangkok. She isn't a country girl but her mother is. She is an only child. Her mother is lovely by the way. You couldn't guess that this is where my wife came from.

I am just sick of it. I want to know if I take the money out of the account she knows about and put it into one she doesn't, can the Thai legal system allow her to get at the money?

OR

Would it be better, given the acceptable reasons for divorce, just stay married. I am already eating out only coming home late at night. I wake up and go to work. Then I get home late and go to bed. It's horrible. I just want to go home. If I do decide to come home early, it sit in stench and filth while she bitches that I am a lousy provider, husband. worker, father - did I leave anything out?

I see as I am typing this, people are responding. I want to read the replies.

Thank you guys,

Chuckacinco

To answer your question simple :

Under Thai law she cannot and is not entitled to any money you had in your account before you were married.

She is entitled to possibly 50% of your savings in your account after you are legally married. ( the exact amount would need verification by a lawyer )

Either way , just shift the money into a new ( home country ) account if possible ....

then whatever you decide to do with the marriage, should it be divorce ... you may have to give her some of that savings back ... but at least the money is with you and no one can access it except you.

it sounds like she is lazy, and want's to make life as miserable as she can ....

tell her to change or it's good bye .... you can still arrange to see your daughter every week and give child support $$ ... ( just work that out with your wife and come to an amicable figure thereby you don't have to spend more money on a divorce and legals ) unless you would sooner part ways ???

good luck

[steven100]

Steven,

Thank you. I set up a home account about a year ago to prepare for this dreading the possibility. I think I am patient. It's terrible. I have really done everything to avoid this. In know what I am losing. Thank you for your considerate reply. You are a good man.

Chuckacinco

Just try to sort it out as best you can ... under the difficult circumstances.

Keep your saving away from her or any judge ....

[taichiplanet]

a difficult situation for you to be in. when did this behaviour start? i am wondering if maybe your wife is suffering from some form of depression.