All we have are my savings in Thailand - How would she get it?

[KonKorat]

I would not like to stay home all the time,take her out or go with her sometimes.Life is to short to waste it at home all the time.Maybe she will change if you get out more.

[TheFishman1]

These ads are getting worst

[CWMcMurray]

How about this idea...

You said that her mother is great... So invite her mother to come stay with you..

Likely MIL will do all the house work, cooking and laundry, ect...

Do this until your daughter is older and going to University or graduated and then get a divorce...

[dotpoom]

When you say "entitled" in inverted commas.......do you mean you feel she, and your daughter, are not entitled to half?

[White Christmas13]

These ads are getting worst

What ads you are talking about I don't have any at all

[uptheos]

Where did you find this gem?

Difficult situation OP.....how much longer can you stand it?

Edited February 18, 2015 by uptheos

[BB24]

Wrote detailed reply - posted - server "too busy" - post gone. FARK !!

Squirrel away money - little here little there - when have enough send to relative as MoneyExpress cheque - they deposit for you in your/their bank account (no tracking).

Play the 'long game' - be smart - talk to no one - stay cool.

If you leave, she will file for divorce - and claim you have abandoned her and daughter.

Hang in until your daughter is old enough to realise what mother is doing (12-13).

Invite MIL to stay with you now as someone said - but even if that works DO NOT FORGIVE HER.

When daughter old enough then you force the issue - and say to her "come live with me or stay with Mum".

Your daughter decides - you man up and deal with her decision - either way it goes.

[maprao]

Stop her allowance. Tell her you work a job she must work in the family home. When she gets off her butt then give her the allowance back. Cut all trips and other things that you are paying for. She will either get a job or come round to your way of thinking.

[slipperylobster]

You could use a company like XE, and transfer it to currency good in your own country, providing you have an account both here and there. I do not know the limitation on the amount you can send...but they do.

[Squeegee]

Stop her allowance. Tell her you work a job she must work in the family home. When she gets off her butt then give her the allowance back. Cut all trips and other things that you are paying for. She will either get a job or come round to your way of thinking.

It does sound like this woman has simply been given too much rope. I think the 'man up' remark is relevant.

"OK, you just cook 3 meals a week for me..."

I'll bet that was just more of the same lack of spine that she's become accustomed to. OP, you should never have got into this situation in the first place: has this woman suddenly turned into an entirely different person? I highly doubt it: either you got married whilst blind to red flags or you did something to lose her respect and it festered. By the sounds of her, it could be that whatever you did either doesn't deserve this treatment or it's just something she's constructed for herself.

Still, you said yourself she will not go to a counselor, and the wider picture you've painted is in line with this, so it seems she isn't going to respond to reason. It seems you've been far too reasonable with this woman for far too long already. As someone else stated, cut her allowance until she pulls her weight (do not let that affect your daughter or let your wife make it affect her). If she doesn't accept not being paid for being a lazy, irresponsible house monster then it's up to you to let her know exactly where the laziness lies. It absurd you've had your backside whipped by this woman - who doesn't lift a finger - calling you - who goes to work - lazy! If she's still able to level that nonsense at you then yes, you've been in need of manning up since the start (it would seem).

However, another poster made a very good point: hoarding rubbish, amongst the other things you've described, could be a sign of mental health problems (like depression or extreme loneliness), in which case you'll need to respond accordingly, however, getting her to a doctor or anything of the like sounds like a lost cause unless you can find a way to reach out and receive her hand in yours.

But seriously, if a woman can do nothing all day then accuse her working man of being lazy he does need to man up in my opinion. It shouldn't be difficult to blow that one right out of the water if what you've told us is true...

...or perhaps the other side (ie. your wife) might be able to complete that picture you've painted with a little more info about your own behaviour, since you are clearly unable to fend off accusations of being lazy by a woman who doesn't do anything herself and doesn't seem to respect you... for some reason.

[maidee]

seems like you are married to one of those lazy addicted crazy girls

time to find a mia noi ? not kidding, nor trolling

some place you can go to and be happy once and a while ...

hope your account is in your name, not both ...

Edited February 18, 2015 by maidee

[inzman]

Dude, time to walk, move on. Hide the cash and leave, now!

[catman20]

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I agree, man up! Just a thought mind you....

Eight year old daughter just a tool used by the Mrs.

yes and should of seen that coming b 4 conception of the baby. relationship generally go down hill after time why complicate things with marriage and children

[chuckacinco]

Thank all of you for taking the time to respond. If the question was easy, believe me I wouldn't be asking. I just got home. It's nearly 11 at night. It's the same. I'd like to respond to some of your replies but I need some time.

Sincerely, thank you all for your responses and suggestions.

Chuckacinco

[Berkshire]

Allow me to be frank. Of course, I don't know you, but I've seen enough of similar relationships. Your wife probably had a difficult life before she met you. You showed her the good life. But to win her over, you felt like you had to spoil her. And spoil her you did. Now you're upset because she's spoiled. At least be upfront and admit that she's like this because you made her like this. Women don't fall in love with money, they fall in love with the person. If you think that showering her with material "stuff" would make her fall in love with you, you've miscalculated. Don't worry, you're not alone. I see a lot of this with farang/Thai relationships.

[timendres]

it's possible to purchase gold bars.

a 1 kilo 24 karat bar is around 40K (many smaller bars available also)

size is equivalent to an iphone

weight is about 2 lbs

Get a special suitcase and just cart it with you, either trusting it to a hotel safe, hiding it in your room, or getting a lock box somewhere (maybe under an assumed name).

You can get these locks that will attach your hand to the suitcase when you travel to you never set it down. Some of the cases are slim and look like laptop cases.

would need to check regulations for each country to prevent them from possibly being confiscated. also, if not declared it could be criminal with possible jail time. also, you could get taxed heavily going across borders.

First, a significant portion of the cash should be immediately transferred into an offshore bank, preferably in your home country.

Second, don't put the remainder all into gold, that is a mistake. Cash and gold is fine, but mostly cash.

Finally, look into Safe Deposit Box Bangkok I have had a box there for four years and I am very very happy with their service, and it is very affordable. The thing I like the most is that one time when I was there, a (rather stupid) Farang was trying to convince the woman who runs the business to allow his Thai girlfriend access to his box. The owner outright refused. Her response was repeated over and over: "One box, one person". I would bet money that he was later eternally grateful for that policy.

The biggest problem I have with a Thai bank account is the issue of privacy - there is little to none. With the safe deposit box, short of a court order, no one is going to know what is inside that box except for you.

[chuckacinco]

Thank you all for your responses. I really appreciate what you have to say. In the anonymous world that is the internet, responding with kindness speaks volumes about character.

I have been in this for awhile. I have time to sort things out. For now, not coming home until late and leaving early in the morning works for me. In the meantime, I have a home bank account, the safe deposit box is brilliant. I would never have thought of that. I also have time to squirrel things away and get my affairs in order. I know it's going to work out.

Thanks, again.

Chuckacinco

[USNret]

To me, this has many of the earmarks of clinical depression. It's a debilitating disease needing medical treatment. It's hard to live with a person who has depression. Note: This is nothing like "being depressed", or sad, or anything like that. It's a mental disease that can & should be treated.

Beware of anonymous diagnoses from strangers on the internet (like me) but hopefully this will give you an avenue of further research. Take it to a credible doctor, with or without your wife, and see what they think. My brother had this for years; broke up 2 marriages, a lifetime of unemployment. Now he has been treated, seemingly "cured" and in a healthy, married relationship for the first time in his life, has held the same, steady employment for 3 years also for the first time in his life.

Good luck!

[gk10002000]

I am not sure what this means: "I just have a woman who doesn't think staying at home is a good life"

If it means, "My woman is never home" then yes, you have a serious problem in your marriage.

You did not ask us to solve the problem, but how to secure your funds.

It is quite simple:

(1) Take your passport and bankbook to a different bank and open an account.

(2) Go to your current bank and withdraw CASH.

(3) Take CASH to your new bank and deposit it.

(4) Is this really that difficult to think of? I think you want advice on your marriage, not your money, so here it is.

If your woman is cheating on you, take 100% and never look back ... Period. End of story.

If this is simply a failed marriage, look inward and ask yourself how you will feel in 5 years if you just take all the money and run, leaving your wife and child high and dry. Then, do the right thing.

As to one person's suggestion of buying gold bars and chaining them to your wrist, see this as a sanity test. If you think that is reasonable, you have failed the test.

I wonder if the OP should consider moving it out of Thailand. Do it legally and there will be a paper or electronic record and traces of it, but I doubt I would trust the Thai legal system to resolve matters properly should an injunction or freeze on any monies in Thailand be levied

[inbangkok]

Oh geeze....this is so simple. It is called an "International Wire Transfer". Pull the money, take it to a different bank, wire it to a trusted family member in the states. The money is gone. If she asks, you say you spent it! Plain and simple.....case closed.

[96tehtarp]

Plenty of others have offered advice on how the OP should best deal with his savings.

Between now and the divorce the OP needs to separate from her and rent accommodation somewhere else unknown to his wife, some place where she can't show up knocking on the door.

This way he can be absent most of the time and still show up at his own convenience. Don't completely cut off support for the wife but do it online via bank account. Let most of the bills go at least 30 days overdue before paying them and by all means cut back support but don't stop it entirely.

By showing up regularly for visits and continuing some support which can be documented any claim of abandonment can easily be refuted and the divorce can be delayed until a time that the OP chooses. Hopefully this will be long after his savings have been safely secured out of her reach.

In this way the OP would be "manning up" and retaking control of his circumstances.

[johnnybgood]

Are you on Thai time?

Or just confused?

[Neeranam]

Man up.

It takes more of a man to leave a relationship that isn't working

[Baa_Mango]

Is there an age difference between the two of you ?

[worgeordie]

Put her part exchange for a new one,AND next time make sure

you are the one wearing the pants in the house,

I feel so lucky had mine for 25 years and she is a treasure,all

down to luck i suppose.

regards Worgeordie

[chuckacinco]

I am pretty embarrassed about posting my personal problems on thaivisa. I liked the advice and I am grateful for all the members that responded positively.

Here is what happened.

I made up my mind that I had enough. I was ready to go. I got the name of a lawyer and made an appointment to see him about a week after my post here at Thaivisa. During that time, I don't know what happened but my wife changed.

I continued to come home late so that I wouldn't have to endure the shitty atmosphere but then I came home and the house was clean. I didn't ask her to do it. It just happened. The house was cleaned after months of filth, then she became fairly sweet to me when I came home from work, and we started, at least beginning, to have some sort of a relationship again. I can't explain it.

I think my wife can read me and uses that information. I think she knew I was done. I think foreigners, or at least me, are like open books that Thai women can read. Also, the idea of high stakes, willing to leave, I mean really leave counts. Unfortunately, it seems I have to have this edge, "Do this or I'm out of here." I hate that. Why does this brinksmanship need to be in a marriage but there I am.

As a result, I am more familiar with Thai divorce law and I am pretty much worry free about losing anything. I just needed some expert advice about divorce law. We don't own anything substantial so I am in a better spot than most of those who post here. Things are better and I learned a lesson. One of those might be about posting something so deeply personal on a public forum. Well, that done.

My advice? I am the worst person to ask for advice.

Thanks for all of the Thaivisa members who helped.

Chuckacinco

[bushdoctor]

Embarrassed, why? You brought up a topic that can potentially help lots of guys in similar situations. Sharing problems that you have encountered and the lessons you have learned is appreciated by many of us. So now you know that you are in control, which to me is a very important thing to remember. I'm not saying use it as a threat, just know it. This will allow you to take charge when that's what's needed. You could find another girl in no time if that's what you decide to do, and you may still do that if things don't actually change. There's no need to cower and live a life you are not happy with when you live in Thailand and are surrounded by so many beautiful women.

I really like the quote someone gave me a while back.... "If you let things get out of hand, things will get out of hand."

Have your pre-set boundaries and don't let them be pushed to extremes. Of course rules can be bent, but you need to know your limits and stop what's happening as soon as it starts. SOME of these women will push to test your limits, and if they find the have control they take it.

Edited May 4, 2015 by bushdoctor