Family insistence upon a nickname

[NoshowJones]

Daphne.......what a lovely name......and Greek also.

Always wanted to call my daughter that name but at the end we opted out, after a lot of persuasion, for my mothers name that was Ourania.

Now be careful as God Apollo will be after her, according to the Greek Mythology.

As about Fah, please try to resist giving Daphne that nick name.

Can you imagine if later she goes to school in the UK the kids will add a ck at the end of her name.

God forbid......you don't want that

Put your foot down and don't accept it.

Wish you, your wife and Daphne, all the happiness and health in your lives.

I'm sorry Costas, Daphne is not a nice name at all, it goes with other UK names like Gladys, Nancy, Blanche, Morag. Contrast that with names like Tania, Judy, Laura, Samantha. Lovely names.

But this is just my opinion.

[DrTuner]

Either you give the nickname, or somebody else will. Up to you.

[SoiSauce]

My American parents weren't really thrilled with the name we gave our son... so naturally, within moments of meeting him, they decided upon a nickname. My (northern European) wife wasn't having any of it and put her foot down immediately.

So, while both Thais and farang do nicknames, I suspect only a farang daughter in law will tell her parents in law to piss off. Which is of course, hilarious for me.

[sean in udon]

Do anyone of the posters here above new why they use a nickname in Th. Can tell you it's NOT seen as a joke in Th.

I remember reading in Dennis Segllars book - "Thai Ways " that nik names are given so if a spirit wants to make mischief it will attach itself to the nik name and not to the real idenity . A decoy so as to speak. There are probably other explanations as well.

I am always amazed at the gullibility of Thai spirits. It's amazing they can find their way back to those ugly birdhouses they live in.

My favourite post of the day

[NoshowJones]

Where cultures clash...however...

This is your child and your wife's child, not theirs. In my book, that means despite the cultural necessity to attach a nickname to the child, you should have the final say. As one of the other poster's stated, put your foot down. Personally, I'd make it a point to not bring her around if they continue to call her "Fah." It's disrespectful to disregard your wishes and your wife's.

BTW - I have two sons. We call one by his middle name and the other by his given name. Any nicknames we have ever used have been nicknames my wife and I have agreed on.

Again, and despite what granny thinks, she is your daughter, not hers. It's a shame they feel the need to push this on her when it's against your wishes but if you don't put your foot down now, expect more of the same in the future.

Is it not in Thai culture that while the parents decide on the real name, the granny decides the nickname?

[Bangkok Barry]

No matter what you want it makes no difference. The Thai way is:

Edited April 27, 2015 by Bangkok Barry

[BFerearnk]

Do anyone of the posters here above new why they use a nickname in Th. Can tell you it's NOT seen as a joke in Th.

I remember reading in Dennis Segllars book - "Thai Ways " that nik names are given so if a spirit wants to make mischief it will attach itself to the nik name and not to the real idenity . A decoy so as to speak. There are probably other explanations as well.

Thats it. So the person is save for bad spirits.

Even in the army my partner was called Wut (from his real name Attawut). Later they call him by his nick Beer.

[northernphil]

Your Thainess

Go with Fa. She won.t want her mother and father arguing over her nick name. Call it if you will ' A bridge to Fah '

[Mot Dang]

I think you have done well. Been there, done that. Not much you can do about it once the family steps in, particularly Yi. My advice would be that when she gets to the toddler stage, you ensure that you call her Daphne. She will grow up with both names, and you will show the rest of the family, that yes you do have a say. She will make up her own mind what her name is to be. A lot of falang/Thai kids do anyhow.

[smotherb]

I too would not want a name I did not like applied to my child. However, some of the names mentioned here are not too offensive. A certain moron named James Hogg had two rather lovely daughters, he named them, Ima and Ura. Even naming your son Sue would be better.

[Roota]

Ben and Min are both girls' nicknames.

I've got a good friend named Min and he's never shown any signs of being a girl. It works for either gender.

[GOLDBUGGY]

Personally I hate nicknames!

Pete for Peter, Tom for Tommy, or Jim for Jimmy is fine. But Hey Beer Belly, or how are things Baldy, or how's it hanging Shorty, is silly.

Even with my Thai Wife all it did was shorten her name. Which surprisingly everyone in the Family now calls her that.

[Your Thainess]

Daphne.......what a lovely name......and Greek also.

Always wanted to call my daughter that name but at the end we opted out, after a lot of persuasion, for my mothers name that was Ourania.

Now be careful as God Apollo will be after her, according to the Greek Mythology.

As about Fah, please try to resist giving Daphne that nick name.

Can you imagine if later she goes to school in the UK the kids will add a ck at the end of her name.

God forbid......you don't want that

Put your foot down and don't accept it.

Wish you, your wife and Daphne, all the happiness and health in your lives.

I'm sorry Costas, Daphne is not a nice name at all, it goes with other UK names like Gladys, Nancy, Blanche, Morag. Contrast that with names like Tania, Judy, Laura, Samantha. Lovely names.

But this is just my opinion.

Wow, I hope this comment was tongue in cheek. It's my newborn daughter's name, pal, how about a bit of respect? Furthermore, it is not an English language name. Might be used by people in the UK, but borrowed from Greek.

[northernphil]

What about our names for Thais. My name is Phil Ross. Above where I sit right now my wife Pim has put my name and moblie number 082...................... Few.

Yep after 10 years I am not Phil but Few. Not only this but Ross has become Rocks. The house name on the gate is Few Rocks I kid you not.

[Joedoebarinio]

I gathered It's the decision of the matriarch; influenced by the soothsayer.

We haven't got the powers.

[laobali]

What about our names for Thais. My name is Phil Ross. Above where I sit right now my wife Pim has put my name and moblie number 082...................... Few.

Yep after 10 years I am not Phil but Few. Not only this but Ross has become Rocks. The house name on the gate is Few Rocks I kid you not.

Surprised it isn't Few Locks but maybe that might encourage burglars!

[Aforek]

I have no clue as to what their legal names are. Have never heard them used or mentioned.

Ask them to show you their ID card

as for Ben, as I told above, it's also the short name for Benjamaporn, which is a girl name

Please....reread my comment.

I admit I am wrong, I misunderstood your message but for me it's impossible that his nickname was " Kabul ", because no syllabe finishes with an L ( L exists in writing at the end, but is pronounced N , it doesn't exist and Thai people can't prononce Kabul : maybe Kaboun , kaboon, but not kabul . For example, they say, Footbon, not football

Benalibina, you beat me to it.

Aforek, while you're re-reading his post please re-read mine as well.

For you, no need to re-read ; I think that Fa is a beautiful nickname and if you live in Thailand, it's normal to have a thai nickname

( it's my opinion but I understand that you don't agree, after all she is your daughter, but here, it's Thailand )

Edited April 27, 2015 by Aforek

[ScottMallon]

Where cultures clash...however...

This is your child and your wife's child, not theirs. In my book, that means despite the cultural necessity to attach a nickname to the child, you should have the final say. As one of the other poster's stated, put your foot down. Personally, I'd make it a point to not bring her around if they continue to call her "Fah." It's disrespectful to disregard your wishes and your wife's.

BTW - I have two sons. We call one by his middle name and the other by his given name. Any nicknames we have ever used have been nicknames my wife and I have agreed on.

Again, and despite what granny thinks, she is your daughter, not hers. It's a shame they feel the need to push this on her when it's against your wishes but if you don't put your foot down now, expect more of the same in the future.

Is it not in Thai culture that while the parents decide on the real name, the granny decides the nickname?

Never heard this but frankly, it doesn't make a bit of difference to me. What about MY CULTURE? Doesn't my mother have a say? If granny on my side doesn't like the nickname and she wants the child nicknamed something different, then what?

I'll make it easy. Since I'm the father - we abide by my wishes and my wife's wishes. If you like the nickname that makes it easy, otherwise, stick to your guns, politely of course.

Fortunately, neither grandma has stuck their nose in our business. When it comes to this sort of thing, my wife and I rarely ever disagree. Not much worse than a mother-in-law pushing her wishes on to OUR child forcing my family to deal with this sort of thing.

Start in with "This name is part of my culture - it's my father's wish" and see what granny says. If you really dislike the nickname, why should you capitulate? Where's granny's respect for your being the father? Let them do this once and my guess is it's setting a trend for decision making. Every single time you hear your daughter called this name you'll remember...you caved in.

[Your Thainess]

^ No, I stand by my statement that you didn't read my post carefully. Not to worry, it was long.

But, as I said quite clearly, I am not upset. Simply feeling under-respected or supported in this instance. There's too much to be happy about to be upset, no? Secondly, I am not ignorant of Thai culture with regard to naming/nicknames, and you seemed to imply that I was.

Thank you to the people on the thread who offered constructive advice. It is much appreciated!

[csabo]

Use of the slang term "classy" or even "class" indicates a lack of sophistication and elegance. Imagine Princess Diana walking into a ballroom and saying "Now this is classy". Strangely it is appropriate when used by gangsters who acquire wealth but not the expected level of sophistication that should accompany it. Whom do you most assimilate to. The term is used by people who do not have it but aspire to. Saying you want to give your daughter a "classy" name indicates she comes from a family without it but that her moniker will somehow catapult her upward on societies scale. Appropriate synonyms would be sophisticated, elegant, smart, stylish, chic or others.

[ScottMallon]

^ No, I stand by my statement that you didn't read my post carefully. Not to worry, it was long.

But, as I said quite clearly, I am not upset. Simply feeling under-respected or supported in this instance. There's too much to be happy about to be upset, no? Secondly, I am not ignorant of Thai culture with regard to naming/nicknames, and you seemed to imply that I was.

Thank you to the people on the thread who offered constructive advice. It is much appreciated!

There's a lot to be happy about, yes, and thus this should be viewed and discussed as a minor issue - even though it's not.

You're feeling under-respected for a reason and as long as you have your wife's support, I would make it very clear to grandma that you would like your daughter to be known as ________. If she doesn't respect this, then tell stop coming around. I have to say though, Fah is quite a bit better than Moo or Ouan or Porn (Ugghhh).

[bigguy]

First of all CONGRATS on the birth of a beautiful healthy child. Speaking of nicknames my son's name is Guitar, my daughters name is Panda. I have no clue why, but seems to work for everyone.

I do remember an old Indian story where a young Indian brave ask his mother, "why am I called rising sun"? The wise mother replied ,"its easy my son, when I gave birth and stepped out of the tent the sun was rising", now go tell your sister 2 dogs F ing, to come here!!!!!

Moral to the story, Thai nicknames seem mild compared to others.

[Junkyarddog]

Just about all Thais have nicknames, so I would not fight that. I have been married for ten years and I don't know my own stepdaughters real name. Her NN is Tun, but she spells it Tle, which doesn't spell anything. I can think of anyone that calls my wife by her real name, or any of her sisters or brothers.

Anyone remember Tata Young, the singer? Her real name is Amita Marie Young. No one called her that including friends, general public and fans, me or anyone else in the family.

Years ago I was in the gold business. I noticed one day that we were delivering gold to customers and whoever signed would sign with their nickname. When I picked up on this I took a 25,000 USD invoice back to the customer who's girl at the front desk had signed for receipt of the goods as Khun Noi. Thats going to hold up in court real well isn't it? Court- Who signed for the goods? Me- Khun Noi - Court there are 10 million women in Thailand nick named Khun Noi.

So I explained to the girl she would have to sign again using her real name. She saw no logical reason for this because she goes by Khun Noi. She got seriously pissed off at me over this and got very snoty with me. This pissed me off, so I told her to sign again using her real and full name and now I require a copy of her ID. If I don't get it, I am taking my goods back and calling the Managing Director of her company. She finally did as I ask.

I did call her Boss and reported the incident, Her Boss was a foreigner. He completely understood and issued a inter office memo on how to properly sign your name when doing business.

The Thais love nick names.

[Aforek]

Just about all Thais have nicknames, so I would not fight that. I have been married for ten years and I don't know my own stepdaughters real name. Her NN is Tun, but she spells it Tle, which doesn't spell anything. I can think of anyone that calls my wife by her real name, or any of her sisters or brothers.

Anyone remember Tata Young, the singer? Her real name is Amita Marie Young. No one called her that including friends, general public and fans, me or anyone else in the family.

Years ago I was in the gold business. I noticed one day that we were delivering gold to customers and whoever signed would sign with their nickname. When I picked up on this I took a 25,000 USD invoice back to the customer who's girl at the front desk had signed for receipt of the goods as Khun Noi. Thats going to hold up in court real well isn't it? Court- Who signed for the goods? Me- Khun Noi - Court there are 10 million women in Thailand nick named Khun Noi.

So I explained to the girl she would have to sign again using her real name. She saw no logical reason for this because she goes by Khun Noi. She got seriously pissed off at me over this and got very snoty with me. This pissed me off, so I told her to sign again using her real and full name and now I require a copy of her ID. If I don't get it, I am taking my goods back and calling the Managing Director of her company. She finally did as I ask.

I did call her Boss and reported the incident, Her Boss was a foreigner. He completely understood and issued a inter office memo on how to properly sign your name when doing business.

The Thais love nick names.

I agree; I have known hundreds of Thai, all have a nickname , they very rarely told me their real name ; it's not a secret, but I think one of the reasons is that thai names and first names are very, very long and complicate .

As I read here https://www.into-asia.com/thai_language/reference/nicknames.php " Just about every Thai person has a nickname by which they are known informally, given to them by their parents at birth. The pervasive use of nicknames in this way apparently comes from the old belief that evil spirits ( ปีศาจ ปีศาจ ) are constantly on the lookout for newborn children to snatch away and control, but using a nickname instead of a normal Thai name confuses the spirits and helps to keep the child safe. This is not a widespread belief nowadays of course, but nonetheless the use of nicknames remains so widespread in Thailand that it's not uncommon for friends to know each other for years and yet not know each other's real name and surname."

as for me, I am too old to have a baby, but if I would have one with my girlfriend, I know he ( or she ) will have a Thai nickname and I would call him by his nickname ( and speak Thai with him ( her ) )

[ggt]

I'm not pissed off or anything, but I do feel a bit pushed to accept the naming of my own child being taken out of my hands.

You live in Thailand now...the Thais home turf...you are allowed to voice your opinion...thou no one will pay attention...

You have control over the eternal destination of your own soul...nothing more...

[canuckamuck]

Certainly you can control a little more than that.

But yes you are outnumbered and it is best to save your energy for fights you can win more easily

[chilli42]

I have three kids with my Thai wife of 18 years. We chose western names for them. We never even discussed nicknames and I am certain had the relatives had brought it they would have felt the sharp end of her tongue. After all it's no business of theirs at all. There was a half hearted attempt by the inlaws to use a nickname with my eldest son. It died when he told them that if they ever used the nickname he would never speak to them again (at 5 he had the same sharp tongue as mom). Needless to say that ended it. The two siblings were spared the absurdity. My advice would be to ignore the relatives on this matter (and all other matters) and don't use a nickname with the child. If the relatives wish to use a nick name go ahead and let them - just be sure you and your wife don't use it. The child will decide for themselves if they accept it or not. My guess is a big "not" as she will likely grow up wanting to attach herself to the frang culture rather than the Thai ... particularly if she attends an English language school.

[Liquorice]

Every Thai I know has a nickname, probably because it's easier and shorter to pronounce than their real names.

I've also been asked what my nickname is on a few occasions.

[Aforek]

Don't take things too seriously : it's just a "name for play " ( nick name in thai is " chou len " ), it's writen nowhere, their only name is the one writen on their ID card;

if they attend English language school, the school wil know only their real name : do you know the Thai first names ? very long, complicate, you call the children 10-20 times a day with their real name, you are tired for the rest of the day and you must do it again the day after and every day all their life : a one or two syllabes name is much easier

As for me, I live in a 100% Thai context, nobody speaks English, everybody has a nickname and it's unbelievable not to give a new born baby a " chou len "

[northernphil]

What about our names for Thais. My name is Phil Ross. Above where I sit right now my wife Pim has put my name and moblie number 082...................... Few.

Yep after 10 years I am not Phil but Few. Not only this but Ross has become Rocks. The house name on the gate is Few Rocks I kid you not.

Surprised it isn't Few Locks but maybe that might encourage burglars!

It was for a while but after about a year we got to Rocks and I hadn't the will to go on any further. Oh ,when playing pool in a pub I used to write Phil in Thai and the bar gilrs would call out Few ! Yep ,if you look up few in a Thai dictionary there is my name. Just as well my name is not Squirell ..........ask a Thai girl to say squirell.