Blow off by supposed friend.

[Just1Voice]

What is it with some people??

I had someone that I considered a good friend, up until now, because he refused to accept that he was wrong about something trivial. Now, I might expect this from a Thai, but not from an American who I thought was fairly open minded about things. Here's the story.

We were talking online yesterday, and he asked if my VA & SS had come yet. I told him they hadn’t, because it was a National Holiday, so the banks were closed. He said some of his “other friends” told him the banks didn’t always go by that. I told him that for National Holidays, all banks went by that. I even sent him a web link of Bank Holidays closures, but he still wouldn’t buy it.

He also commented that Immigration and Government Offices were open. Told him, no, they are not. It’s a National Holiday. They are closed! Still wouldn’t buy it. And this is a guy who has live in Thailand for over 7 years

I told him to have his Thai wife call the Imm. big shot they know in their moo ban and ask them if Imm was open (I could have sent him another link to show that Imm was closed, but wanted him to find out straight from the “horses mouth”), and even bet him an iced coffee over it. He got all bent out of shape, called me a pompous ass, and went off line.

I sent him an email saying I didn’t really understand his anger towards me, unless it was simply do to the fact that he couldn’t accept being wrong about something. He shoots back online this morning and proudly states that the branch bank at Tesco was open. Of course THOSE are open. They’re open 365, but the MAIN BRANCHES, who handle the transfer of funds from overseas ARE NOT OPEN. Also, he shot back that the Imm big shot they know doesn’t live in their moo ban. But no mention of whether they called that person to see if Imm was open or not, which it wasn’t.

Now, this is a guy I’ve known for about 3 years, and thought I knew fairly well. We’ve had some minor disagreements in the past, but no big deal, as that’s only natural. No 2 people agree on everything all the time. We’ve taken bike rides together, been to breakfast & lunch at local restaurants quite a few times, admired women together, and both talked “crap” about our respective wives together, and all the normal stuff two guys do together.

His attitude surprised me to the point to where I contacted a mutual friend on FaceBook and explained what happened. This guy told me that our “friend” has done the same thing with him in the past, and now they rarely speak. He is also at a loss as to figure out why.

I know he and his wife are in the final stages of an adoption of a 4 yr old girl they’ve pretty much had since birth, and that may be playing on his mind somewhat, but not to the point of where he becomes a complete ass about something so trivial and minor.

Any suggestions?

[kurita]

<deleted>

I agree, just let. It go and continue your life.

[CharlieH]

MOVED to Expat forum

[zeichen]

Are you so unaware that you were totally rude? Why is it so important for you to be right? Why do you have to belittle someone else if they are wrong. When a friend says something I know to be wrong and contradicts what I say, I let it go. My job is not to correct the world around me. If he wants to know the truth, he can look things up. You rubbing it in his face, makes you the bad guy in this. So yes, you are right in your argument, but because you had to be right, you just lost a friend.

In life you can be right or be happy. You chose the former.

In your defense though, he should also be the bigger person and forgive you but as you don't seem to know that you did wrong, why should he.

[CharlieH]

inflammatory remarks and response removed.

7) You will respect fellow members and post in a civil manner. No personal attacks, hateful or insulting towards other members, (flaming) Stalking of members on either the forum or via PM will not be allowed.

[arthurwait]

Did anyone bother reading to the end ?

[DLang]

I might expect this from a Thai, but not from an American

Thai hater.

[diginomad]

Sometimes people even when they know they are wrong, simply don't want to be told that they are wrong.
that's all there is to it, and they would rather have an argument about it than lose face and admit they were wrong about it.

It's difficult to accept this kind of behaviour, I myself, if I'm in the wrong, I shrug my shoulders, say thanks for correcting me and move on -
Some people would much rather not be told they were in the wrong and will fight tooth and nail to save face, making the situation worse.

In fact, some people will take it so far as to try and reverse the entire situation as to try and make you look in the wrong when you are 100% in the right.

This contributed to one of the biggest reasons why I got divorced.

My advice, don't worry about it, you seem to be like me in a way, don't let it affect you, move on, make new friends if need be.
otherwise message him about something else equally as trivial and forget the original argument and start a new conversation as though the argument never happened - you might both be better off for it.

[The Big Mango]

Works for me

[longstebe]

He sounds like a bit of a tart to me.

[Just1Voice]

Are you so unaware that you were totally rude? Why is it so important for you to be right? Why do you have to belittle someone else if they are wrong. When a friend says something I know to be wrong and contradicts what I say, I let it go. My job is not to correct the world around me. If he wants to know the truth, he can look things up. You rubbing it in his face, makes you the bad guy in this. So yes, you are right in your argument, but because you had to be right, you just lost a friend.

In life you can be right or be happy. You chose the former.

In your defense though, he should also be the bigger person and forgive you but as you don't seem to know that you did wrong, why should he.

Would you care to explain how I was so "totally rude". He asked if the money had come yet, I replied that it had not because today (yesterday) was a National Holiday. Nothing rude about that.

He then counted that he had talked to "other friends" and they had told him that banks didn't always go by that. Rather than argue, I sent him a web site showing Banking Holidays in Thailand, and referred him to the date. Nothing rude in that.

He then claimed that Gvt Offices and Imm were open. I calmly explained that they were not, because it was a National Holiday, then told him to call his Immigration big shot and check for himself, and jokingly bet him an iced coffee that they were closed. How is that rude?

I don't have to be right, and when I'm wrong, I admit it, then move on. And neither am I a "pompous ass" as he referred to me, when I am right. In reality, I'm one of the most easy going and laid back people I know, and rarely let crap get to me. But you don't know me, and wouldn't know that, so you're making your own assessments and judgments. Which is your right to do, even if they are incorrect.

And if you had bothered to actually read my OP, I was asking for suggestions, not "critical analysis".

[Bulldozer Dawn]

Real friends don't email.

[diginomad]

Are you so unaware that you were totally rude? Why is it so important for you to be right? Why do you have to belittle someone else if they are wrong. When a friend says something I know to be wrong and contradicts what I say, I let it go. My job is not to correct the world around me. If he wants to know the truth, he can look things up. You rubbing it in his face, makes you the bad guy in this. So yes, you are right in your argument, but because you had to be right, you just lost a friend.

In life you can be right or be happy. You chose the former.

In your defense though, he should also be the bigger person and forgive you but as you don't seem to know that you did wrong, why should he.

Would you care to explain how I was so "totally rude". He asked if the money had come yet, I replied that it had not because today (yesterday) was a National Holiday. Nothing rude about that.

He then counted that he had talked to "other friends" and they had told him that banks didn't always go by that. Rather than argue, I sent him a web site showing Banking Holidays in Thailand, and referred him to the date. Nothing rude in that.

He then claimed that Gvt Offices and Imm were open. I calmly explained that they were not, because it was a National Holiday, then told him to call his Immigration big shot and check for himself, and jokingly bet him an iced coffee that they were closed. How is that rude?

I don't have to be right, and when I'm wrong, I admit it, then move on. And neither am I a "pompous ass" as he referred to me, when I am right. In reality, I'm one of the most easy going and laid back people I know, and rarely let crap get to me. But you don't know me, and wouldn't know that, so you're making your own assessments and judgments. Which is your right to do, even if they are incorrect.

And if you had bothered to actually read my OP, I was asking for suggestions, not "critical analysis".

You realize that you are doing the same thing all over again right now right?

You don't think you were rude (I agree with you) but Zeichen did, not that his/her input is valid in your life, you don't need to justify yourself to them or anyone else.

IMO zeichen's post wan't even worth reading, let alone engaging, yet you are opening yourself up to an entirely new wave of negative karma by allowing an entirely new argument to happen.

Let it go.

Go smoke a joint.

Jai Yen.

Peace.

[mca]

I suppose if a supposed friend tried to blow me off I'd have to seriously reconsider our relationship.

[kurita]

Real friends don't email.

true

[lopburi3]

Actually believe we have a half full/empty subject here.

1. Mayday was a bank holiday but not a government holiday so likely to cause some confussion.

2. Overseas banks were likely open on Monday (I am sure US Bangkok Bank was as received ACH transfer today which is normal for a Monday process).

[smokie36]

Kick his head in OP...that will prove you were right.

[rwdrwdrwd]

I recommend you contact the head office for all of the bank chains in Thailand, and all Immigration offices. Once you collate this information into a spreadsheet you will be able to prove once and for all that you were technically correct, regardless of the 24/7 Tesco bank branches conundrum.

[ttthailand]

I know people who will never stop as they have to win. Right or wrong I just say "up to you " or " believe what you want to believe" or let's agree to disagree"....

Basically I end the conversation on that subject and not return. I do this as it is not worth my time nor my friendship. They may be incorrect and pushy but sometimes I am the same. Why let it get to that level .... Be the bigger man and let it go.

That's my way but up to you to agree or not

[GarryP]

I suppose if a supposed friend tried to blow me off I'd have to seriously reconsider our relationship.

Female friend or male?

[billd766]

Actually believe we have a half full/empty subject here.

1. Mayday was a bank holiday but not a government holiday so likely to cause some confussion.

2. Overseas banks were likely open on Monday (I am sure US Bangkok Bank was as received ACH transfer today which is normal for a Monday process).

Perhaps that was because the US Bangkok Bank was in the US where Monday and Tuesdays were not public holidays. None of the Thai banks I looked at had changed the forex rates since Thursday. The KBank in the village stuffed their ATMs full on Thursday and the staff all buggered off for a long weekend.

If the content of my post upsets you in any way please accept my heartfelt apologies.

[wooloomooloo]

lopburi3 hit the nail on the head. Friday, Monday and Tuesday were not dollar holidays (non-business days/currency holidays) therefore dollar transactions would still be processed, as normal, all over the world.

Friday, Monday and Tuesday were THB non-business days (currency holidays), i.e. no THB transactions would be processed, whatsoever, in any country.

In summary, it's whether it's a currency holiday and not whether the banks are open.

Though, bear in mind that if your USD is converted to THB then that would not be possible on a THB currency holiday. Your dollars would simply sit in an electronic queue awaiting the next available business day to effect the conversion.

Edited May 6, 2015 by wooloomooloo

[champers]

I wouldn't try to mend a broken friendship by posting about it on a internet forum, asking a bunch of strangers to endorse or condemn my argument. You're more likely to just make matters worse.

[h90]

"He shoots back online this morning and proudly states that the branch bank at Tesco was open." So on the banks he was right and you wrong.

[zeichen]

"He then counted that he had talked to "other friends" and they had told him that banks didn't always go by that. Rather than argue, I sent him a web site showing Banking Holidays in Thailand, and referred him to the date. Nothing rude in that."

Actually, I do find that extremely rude. You are trying to prove him wrong. Instead of just being humble. If you were as easy going as you said you are, then why didn't you just accept that he was wrong and let it go. Why did you need to prove him wrong?

When I personally, have a disagreement with someone over facts. I don't get into a debate about it. I listen to them, if I know they are wrong, I let it go. I then go home and look up to make sure I wasn't wrong. If I was wrong, I then go the next day and apologize and admit that I was wrong. I do not ever try to show them that I was right. That is their own responsiblity.

"He then claimed that Gvt Offices and Imm were open. I calmly explained that they were not, because it was a National Holiday, then told him to call his Immigration big shot and check for himself, and jokingly bet him an iced coffee that they were closed. How is that rude?"

Again, you made him be responsible to prove that he is wrong. Showing him that you are right and he is wrong which I think most people would find rude. That is not friendly, humble behavior.

I really don't think that you will resolve this because both parties in this acted childish and neither understands what he did wrong.

As I stated before, he is being a little over sensitive and probably should forgive you also, but since you don't think you did anything wrong how can he forgive you.

The advice in that is: Apologize to him for debating over something so trivial. It is not your place to show him wrong and you right. You should have just explained that your bank didn't transfer and that was that. If his friends got their money, then they were lucky.

"I'm one of the most easy going and laid back people I know, and rarely let crap get to me"

Clearly you are letting things get to you by starting a thread asking for advice. Which I don't think that you really want anyway. I think that you will do what you think is right.

You are one of the most humble people too. If you are the best person that you know, go out and find more people. Don't respond to this as it is just tongue and cheek. Don't get too serious about things especially responses to your posts.

[jspill]

This is well hashed out in the book how to win friends and influence people. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People

[ExpatOilWorker]

I am never wrong so I can't really comment on your little conflict.

NB: You are both Americans, right? Maybe that is the problem!

Edited May 6, 2015 by ExpatOilWorker

[ExpatOilWorker]

This is well hashed out in the book how to win friends and influence people. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People

Common sense, but still very interesting:

Major sections and points

Twelve Things This Book Will Do For You

1.Get you out of a mental rut, give you new thoughts, new visions, new ambitions.

2.Enable you to make friends quickly and easily.

3.Increase your popularity.

4.Help you to win people to your way of thinking.

5.Increase your influence, your prestige, your ability to get things done.

6.Enable you to win new clients, new customers.

7.Increase your earning power.

8.Make you a better salesman, a better executive.

9.Help you to handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep your human contacts smooth and pleasant.

10.Make you a better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist.

11.Make the principles of psychology easy for you to apply in your daily contacts.

12.Help you to arouse enthusiasm among your associates.

The book has six major sections. The core principles of each section are quoted below.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1.Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.

2.Give honest and sincere appreciation.

3.Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six Ways to Make People Like You

1.Become genuinely interested in other people.

2.Smile.

3.Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

4.Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

5.Talk in terms of the other person's interest.

6.Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.

Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1.The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

2.Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say "You're Wrong."

3.If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

4.Begin in a friendly way.

5.Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes.

6.Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

7.Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers.

8.Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.

9.Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.

10.Appeal to the nobler motives.

11.Dramatize your ideas.

12.Throw down a challenge.

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1.Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

2.Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.

3.Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

4.Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

5.Let the other person save face.

6.Praise every improvement.

7.Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

8.Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

9.Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest.

Letters That Produced Miraculous Results

This section was included in the original 1936 edition but omitted from the revised 1981 edition.

In this chapter, the shortest in the book, Carnegie analyzes two letters and describes how to appeal to someone with the term "do me a favor" as opposed to directly asking for something which does not offer the same feeling of importance to the recipient of the request.

Seven Rules For Making Your Home Life Happier

1.Don't nag.

2.Don't try to make your partner over.

3.Don't criticize.

4.Give honest appreciation.

5.Pay little attentions.

6.Be courteous.

7.Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage.

Edited May 6, 2015 by ExpatOilWorker

[Razzler1973]

So, he said it was open and you said it was closed ... big deal. It turned out it was open. Why did he need you to confirm it? If he thought it was open why didn't he contact them? If he thought the bank was open why not ring them or go there?

I don't get why the OP is even involved in this. I may ask 'do you know if ...' and if you say no but I think yes then I'll check

This whole thing makes no sense to me

[impulse]

Quick question I ask myself before demanding that a loved one acknowledges that I'm right:

Which is more important, being right, or getting what I want from life? (which, in cases involving friends and family is a good relationship)

Edited May 6, 2015 by impulse