Marriage - Long Distance

[bmack]

Hi all,

Thought to tell my story and possibly seek advice.

Back from Thai for about a year now, plan was to come back (Canada) and sponsor wife and child over.

The long distance relationship has failed and she has started a divorce. She's told me that I'm awaiting papers, blocked from entering Thailand and can't see my son.

The back-and-forth-email-war was pretty bad, emotional. She was smart and used those messages against me and filed for divorce.

I look like the bad one... she started it all off by cheating on me. I had HARD proof but still, she kept denying it. I should have divorced her then and there but didn't for sake of my boy.

I've always supported them: parent sinsod, house, car, beautiful boy, always money in bank. You know the story.

But over the last few months I've stopped, Enough is enough. Right now she's apparently jobless, broke, at home caring for 2 year old, bills to pay.

I'm NOT proud of this and is what probably pushed her to divorce. But i know the village... she and baby won't go hungry and have nice home to live, she has help. Also she hasn't paid some bills in months and says she on some blacklist, and that I'm on that list too. Can't enter Thai.

I was planning a return soon (peaceful divorce, stay near boy, hopefully he wants Canada life one day) but am worried what awaits me at the Thai airport.

Started this post looking for answers/help but think have just figured it out: pay up falang! Lol.

Anyone with a similar experience?

Appreciate your time and wish you all the best

[Toknarok]

Any others with similar experience? Sorry to hear of your story but you are one of dozens. I have never heard of anyone in your circumstances being banned from entering Thailand, I think she's almost certainly telling porkies in this respect. Are you sure she has legally divorced you? It is possible to do it by onself but usually takes some time.

I suggest you await the arrival of these 'papers' and get someone to confirm that they are in fact a legal divorce. They'll almost certainly be in Thai so get a local friendly Thai to help with translation. Get on a plane to Thailand, I guarantee you won't have been blacklisted and whilst you're here get a good family lawyer to assist you in getting some visiting rights to your son.

Good luck.

Edited June 24, 2015 by Toknarok

[MaeJoMTB]

Nothing awaits you at the airport.

Divorce isn't a crime, abandoning a Thai wife and children isn't a crime (if it were 1/2 the Thai population would be in jail).

She can't file for divorce until you have been away 1 year.

She doesn't want you here, because you have as much right to take the kid as her (grab and run).

Everything she tells you is a lie.

As for visitation rights, nowhere in the world enforces a fathers visitation rights.

But don't give her any money, negotiate from strength.

She wants money, you want to see the kid.

(500bht a visit?)

Edited June 24, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[zeichen]

Shockingly but I agree mostly with maejo.

You are a fool for writing things in an email. The benefit of an email is that you can edit them before sending. My suggestion is always to write the letter in word, wait an hour, re-read and edit it, then send it in the email. You really don't write things that can be kept as a record in a divorce settlement. If you actually have proof that your wife cheated on you, ie photos of her naked with another man, then you can take her to court here. Get a divorce lawyer here in Thailand. Get custody of your kid. Trust me, when I say that she isn't poor or needs money, she most likely has a sponsor already. A person that calculating and devious made her exit strategy before even telling you.

There is no black list of anything. Unless you actually committed a crime, then what would Thai immigration ban you from entering the country.

When you come here, never go to her families home alone. Bring a lawyer or a respected friend. Record every conversation on your phone but don't let her know. Don't get caught saying or doing stupid things.

Don't sign divorce papers until you get what you want.

Men can easily get custody of children in Thailand if that is what you want.

[brucegoniners]

Sorry to hear about that.

If you didn't have a kid I'd say screw her, but you do.

I would contact a Thai attorney and have them do some checking for you.

If you want a referral I know a husband wife lawyer team, American husband, Thai wife.

I'd be glad to pass you along.

[flyingdoc]

You cannot be banned from entering Thailand in these circumstances. She is exaggerating. Take the sound advice offered in the posts above !

[blackcab]

The next chapter is using the kid as a weapon.

[kovaltech]

Op, many questions remain un answered...

Your description of the "facts" makes it almost to "shitty" to be true...

Filed for divorce ? almost impossible without you being notified by a Thai court

Blocked from entering Thailand ? idem dito

my best guess, if the story is no Hoax, that she has another, even possible you'r not the father of the child...

are you the registered father of the child ? does the child has dual nationality ?

in that case your embassy can provide assistance...

[maidee]

1 post, sad story

is this the new ghost writer they just hired ?

Edited June 24, 2015 by maidee

[SOTIRIOS]

1) You are not blocked from entering Thailand....unless you have an official document stating this

(I doubt such a paper even exists..) Were you accused and changed with anything???

Get a lawyer now

I have a great one

You will get 50% of ALL assets no matter what....(Those railroading days are over if your lawyer knows the law)

Get your receipts and proof and paperwork and paper trails in hand....

This is your case to win...and if she is without means...your son to have custody of...MINIMUM 50% custody.....don't listen to any more wh*re tales or threats or stories...

Another Canadian ....

[how241]

Nothing awaits you at the airport.

Divorce isn't a crime, abandoning a Thai wife and children isn't a crime (if it were 1/2 the Thai population would be in jail).

She can't file for divorce until you have been away 1 year.

She doesn't want you here, because you have as much right to take the kid as her (grab and run).

Everything she tells you is a lie.

As for visitation rights, nowhere in the world enforces a fathers visitation rights.

But don't give her any money, negotiate from strength.

She wants money, you want to see the kid.

(500bht a visit?)

+1....Good advise. You'll have no problem re-entering Thailand. Hire a lawyer, they are cheap. Follow the above.

[Straight8]

Sad but just another typical outcome in the life of a Farang / Thai relationship.

Sinsod, house, cars, money in the bank.. just is not enough for some is it?

[benalibina]

Sad but just another typical outcome in the life of a Farang / Thai relationship.

Sinsod, house, cars, money in the bank.. just is not enough for some is it?

Conditioning....mindset....set by the inlaws.

[Tony125]

She is lying to you, Thailand would only ban you from entering if you were convicted of a major crime overseas. And to diviorce in Thailand a guy only has to wait a year if his wife has abandoned the family , a woman has to wait 3 years if her husband has abandoned the family. She is telling you your baneed because she doesn't want you here to file for diviorce and claim half the things bought in marriage, even though a farang cannot own land and even if the house is in her name the court will make her sell the land and house to devide the the marital assets evenly. She knows this so wants you to stay overseas and not be able to fight for your rights.

Come with a lawyer familiar with Thai law (he doesn't have to be Thai,) I know a German guy who speaks perfect Thai, English and German and runs a law firm in Pattaya. Show up with a lawyer and possibly police officer and let her know if she wants a divorice the two of you can sit down and discuss an equitable agreement or your lawyer will take her into court and will take half of all assets acquired during marriage and she will only get what court says she gets for kid and must give you joint custody.

[bmack]

Everyone... Thank you so much for everything. A little busy now but will be going through all your suggestions and advice.

Wow, amazing support, thanks again.

[MauiSteveBKK]

First ... we fully support you.

There is a lot of good advice here. Take it.

+ Get To Thailand.

+ Get legal counseling.

+ Decide EXACTLY what you want. Half of house? Full time custody of child?

+ I suggest you give her the house and car.

+ You have leverage. You have money. She has child. Negotiate.

+ Don't be totally surprised if she give you the young child.

+ Stay strong. This is the most important thing. Stay Strong. Decide what you want and don't waver.

Oh.

Lastly.

Ignore the "pot shot" artists here, bashing you for doing the so-called "falang thing" by providing a lot to you wife and her family.

For every sad story here on TV, there are 10 success stories.

Best of luck and best wishes.

I personally wish good things for you.

[GOLDBUGGY]

I am Canadian as well. Probably much older than you, and I hope after 2 Divorces much wiser to. Can I give you some honest advice? She cannot block you or Blacklist you from coming to Thailand. So my guess she is hiding something from you that she doesn't want you to learn or see. Like a New Boyfriend. My experience is that women seldom leave you unless they have someone else waiting in the wings.

I know you probably feel helpless right now and the only weapon you have and can use against her, or the only control you have, is with your money. But by holding back funds, the only one you are really hurting is your Child. Courts will all look down on you if you continue to do this, but respect you and your rights if you pay.

So first off, don't hold back on reasonable Child Support to your Child if you have the money, regardless of her circumstances. The courts will look at that closely and be in favor of your wife if you do. You "Rationalize" (using logical explanations for you not doing something you should do) in that you say your child is well taken care of without your money, which is wrong. He is your child for life. So he is still your responsibility.

Another thing you need to know about before you get started with a Divorce is: "The Man almost always loses!". Especially when you have a Child together. It doesn't matter if your wife slept with 200 men. All that would be is grounds for Divorce. It doesn't mean she is a bad mother and the child should be taken away. So since the priority in a Divorce Court is the Child of the marriage, you are still going to have to pay Child Support no matter what your wife does, or even who moves in with her. If she remarries, then this could be a different story.

If I was you I wouldn't make it easy for her to get a Divorce. I would first try to find out if she really is filing for Divorce. There is a better than good chance she lying to you. Pretend to co-operate with her and try to find out which Lawyer you need to see to sign the papers, or where and when. Get as much information as you can to first determine the truth. Call her Lawyer to find out. Or email him, where he will have someone who speaks English their.

Loaded with this information make your normal trip to Thailand to see your kid, but also stop at a Lawyers Place. Tell him you don't want a Divorce but love your Wife Dearly. That you did not abandon her (which is what she will probably use to divorce you) but instead when to Canada to try and build a life for her and your child. Which I gather is close to the truth.

It is my understanding that it is quite easy to get a Divorce in Thailand. It was for me in Poland the last time to. But only if both couples agree. If one partner doesn't want it, on claims of love and still hoping things can work out between you, your Thai Wife will have Grey Hairs on her Puss...Head, before the courts here will ever grant her a divorce.Of this I am sure.

But don't be surprised that when you come here your wife may not even let you visit your child, and in which there isn't much you can do. So have a backup plan for your visit and also, in the long haul, be prepared to lose your child.

Can I ask how you met your wife. On the Internet, in person, or in Bar? Does she know English? .

[pigeonjake]

Sad but just another typical outcome in the life of a Farang / Thai relationship.

Sinsod, house, cars, money in the bank.. just is not enough for some is it?

Conditioning....mindset....set by the inlaws.

ignore the bitter and twisted ones, experts on thai / falang relationships

there is some good advice on here, i wish you luck, think of the young un at all times.

[louse1953]

Any others with similar experience? Sorry to hear of your story but you are one of dozens. I have never heard of anyone in your circumstances being banned from entering Thailand, I think she's almost certainly telling porkies in this respect. Are you sure she has legally divorced you? It is possible to do it by onself but usually takes some time.

I suggest you await the arrival of these 'papers' and get someone to confirm that they are in fact a legal divorce. They'll almost certainly be in Thai so get a local friendly Thai to help with translation. Get on a plane to Thailand, I guarantee you won't have been blacklisted and whilst you're here get a good family lawyer to assist you in getting some visiting rights to your son.

Good luck.[/quote

Sorry to say mate,but it will be all lies from now on,if not before.Just get your lawyer to talk to her lawyer.If she is broke don't help by paying for a lawyer for her.If what you say is true,it is time to play hard ball.No doubt she will use your son against you but you have some rights.It's all about the money,you have it,she wants it,the game is yours to play.If she has pressing debts,this can be used against her,string it out.One thing mate,don't be bitter,life is too short for that.Put your energy into your son,if possible and move on with life,it can be good.

[colinneil]

Op, many questions remain un answered...

Your description of the "facts" makes it almost to "shitty" to be true...

Filed for divorce ? almost impossible without you being notified by a Thai court

Blocked from entering Thailand ? idem dito

my best guess, if the story is no Hoax, that she has another, even possible you'r not the father of the child...

are you the registered father of the child ? does the child has dual nationality ?

in that case your embassy can provide assistance...

Divorce impossible without you being notified rubbish it happened to me.

[Jai Dee]

An offensive post has been removed from this thread.

[Tony125]

http://www.thailawforum.com/database1/divorce-law-thailand-2.html

Also check your personal messages for advice I sent you.

[GOLDBUGGY]

Another thing you might want to consider on your visit is getting your Son his Canadian Citizenship. Thailand doesn't recognize Dual Citizenship but Canada does. So it is possible for your Son to be a Thai but also have Canadian Citizenship.

I did that for my Daughter when I was living in Thailand and her in Poland. We got all the paper work and finalized everything at the Canadian Embassy in Poland. So you will probably have to File at our Embassy here in Thailand. You should also be able to download all the paper work from their Internet Site as well. It was quite cheap and an easy process and I was surprised how quickly it was processed. But you need to have all your ducks in order first.

You need documentation of your Marriage Registration and your Sons Birth Certificate, stating you are the father. Also a Copy of your Passport as well. That was the Document I needed Notarized, as I was living in a different country then, but if you show up in person at the embassy with this copy and passport, you may not need to. At any rate I got mine Notarized by a Lawyer in Thailand and was quick and quite cheap to do.

If you don't have these copies, it may be hard for you to get now if your wife is on the rampage. But there are other ways. You should be able to get a copy of your Marriage Certificate at the Register Office where you got married. A Birth Certificate I am not so sure as I never had a child in Thailand, but I am sure others can help you here with that. I suppose the hospital where he was born would have a copy, or at least could set you straight as to where to get it.

I did this for my daughter with my x-wife's approval, which I think helped speed up the processing, as there was also a part in the form she had to sign. So I am not so sure how easy it will be if your wife refuses to cooperate with you on this. But what I do know for sure is that a child born of a Canadian has the God Given Right to get his Canadian Passport because he is already a Canadian. No matter what your wife wants or thinks, or what they tell you at the Canadian Embassy here.

So don't ever lose track of that fact. If they try to reject your application if you wife refuses to sign, and turn you away, demand your child's rights. What they may not know, and maybe you may not know, and for sure your wife doesn't know, is the day your son was born a Thai he was also born a Canadian. The only difference is that he does not have the Paper Work to prove that yet. Which he is fully entitled to get.

In closing I just want to give you some advice about your relationship with your wife now. I know that with all this hurt and betrayal you must feel towards your wife now, the lies and rejecting your calls and emails, and refusing you to see or talk to your son, you probably want to kill her. But really the best course of action is to try and smooth things over for your son, so you will have a future relationship with him later. Even if only long distance.

Hell! I could have killed my last wife for what she did to me. In fact, if I went with only my feelings, the cops would still be trying to pull my hands away from her throat after 8 years now. But for my daughter I put my pride in one pocket and pulled my wallet out of the other. Whether you like it or not your wife will have the greatest influence on whether your Son grows up to Love You, or Hate You. You can take my word on that.

Good Luck

[zeichen]

Another thing you might want to consider on your visit is getting your Son his Canadian Citizenship. Thailand doesn't recognize Dual Citizenship but Canada does.

Actually, Thailand does recognize dual citizenship.

He could register the birth of the child but without the mother's permission and usually she has to physically go to the consulate with him, he cannot get a passport for the child.

It isn't his God given right either. The child once registered as a Canadian at 18 could get his Canadian passport but until then you need both parent's signature or a court order that the father is the sole guardian.

[benalibina]

Sad but just another typical outcome in the life of a Farang / Thai relationship.

Sinsod, house, cars, money in the bank.. just is not enough for some is it?

Conditioning....mindset....set by the inlaws.

ignore the bitter and twisted ones, experts on thai / falang relationships

there is some good advice on here, i wish you luck, think of the young un at all times.

How little do you know ?

[bmack]

Shockingly but I agree mostly with maejo.

You are a fool for writing things in an email. The benefit of an email is that you can edit them before sending. My suggestion is always to write the letter in word, wait an hour, re-read and edit it, then send it in the email. You really don't write things that can be kept as a record in a divorce settlement. If you actually have proof that your wife cheated on you, ie photos of her naked with another man, then you can take her to court here. Get a divorce lawyer here in Thailand. Get custody of your kid. Trust me, when I say that she isn't poor or needs money, she most likely has a sponsor already. A person that calculating and devious made her exit strategy before even telling you.

There is no black list of anything. Unless you actually committed a crime, then what would Thai immigration ban you from entering the country.

When you come here, never go to her families home alone. Bring a lawyer or a respected friend. Record every conversation on your phone but don't let her know. Don't get caught saying or doing stupid things.

Don't sign divorce papers until you get what you want.

Men can easily get custody of children in Thailand if that is what you want.

Yes I was a fool. Had proof but deleted it, needed it out of my site. Foolish. Just wasn't thinking it would come to this.

Doing things right now, emotions being left out (hard!).

Thank you for your help zeichen

[KhaoNiaw]

It sounds like the blacklist she's talking about could be the credit blacklist. You wouldn't be on that unless you acted as guarantor on any loans for her.

[bmack]

I am Canadian as well. Probably much older than you, and I hope after 2 Divorces much wiser to. Can I give you some honest advice? She cannot block you or Blacklist you from coming to Thailand. So my guess she is hiding something from you that she doesn't want you to learn or see. Like a New Boyfriend. My experience is that women seldom leave you unless they have someone else waiting in the wings.

I know you probably feel helpless right now and the only weapon you have and can use against her, or the only control you have, is with your money. But by holding back funds, the only one you are really hurting is your Child. Courts will all look down on you if you continue to do this, but respect you and your rights if you pay.

So first off, don't hold back on reasonable Child Support to your Child if you have the money, regardless of her circumstances. The courts will look at that closely and be in favor of your wife if you do. You "Rationalize" (using logical explanations for you not doing something you should do) in that you say your child is well taken care of without your money, which is wrong. He is your child for life. So he is still your responsibility.

Another thing you need to know about before you get started with a Divorce is: "The Man almost always loses!". Especially when you have a Child together. It doesn't matter if your wife slept with 200 men. All that would be is grounds for Divorce. It doesn't mean she is a bad mother and the child should be taken away. So since the priority in a Divorce Court is the Child of the marriage, you are still going to have to pay Child Support no matter what your wife does, or even who moves in with her. If she remarries, then this could be a different story.

If I was you I wouldn't make it easy for her to get a Divorce. I would first try to find out if she really is filing for Divorce. There is a better than good chance she lying to you. Pretend to co-operate with her and try to find out which Lawyer you need to see to sign the papers, or where and when. Get as much information as you can to first determine the truth. Call her Lawyer to find out. Or email him, where he will have someone who speaks English their.

Loaded with this information make your normal trip to Thailand to see your kid, but also stop at a Lawyers Place. Tell him you don't want a Divorce but love your Wife Dearly. That you did not abandon her (which is what she will probably use to divorce you) but instead when to Canada to try and build a life for her and your child. Which I gather is close to the truth.

It is my understanding that it is quite easy to get a Divorce in Thailand. It was for me in Poland the last time to. But only if both couples agree. If one partner doesn't want it, on claims of love and still hoping things can work out between you, your Thai Wife will have Grey Hairs on her Puss...Head, before the courts here will ever grant her a divorce.Of this I am sure.

But don't be surprised that when you come here your wife may not even let you visit your child, and in which there isn't much you can do. So have a backup plan for your visit and also, in the long haul, be prepared to lose your child.

Can I ask how you met your wife. On the Internet, in person, or in Bar? Does she know English? .

Thank you GB!

Met her online and things happened really really fast. I trusted, took a chance, lost.

Great, great advice. Yes, will not stop the child support and get her back on track financially. This might change everything.

I'm thinking boyfriend as well, just so hard to believe, I know this girl, was hip-to-hip with her for 3 years.

I'm thinking the same as you, if I jump and fight, I will lose badly.

Going to take it calm and slow, emotions out. It's all comes down to the cash anyways.

Big help my friend.

[MaeJoMTB]

Another thing you need to know about before you get started with a Divorce is: "The Man almost always loses!". Especially when you have a Child together. It doesn't matter if your wife slept with 200 men. All that would be is grounds for Divorce. It doesn't mean she is a bad mother and the child should be taken away. So since the priority in a Divorce Court is the Child of the marriage, you are still going to have to pay Child Support no matter what your wife does, or even who moves in with her. If she remarries, then this could be a different story.

Completely wrong, Thai child support awards are not enforceable outside of Thailand.

They are only enforceable inside Thailand if you work for a Thai company (with work permit if a foreigner).

Not only that, but it's only awarded on divorce, until divorce you aren't obliged to give anything.

The only weapon you have in this game is money.

She wants it, don't give it to her ...............

[bmack]

Another thing you might want to consider on your visit is getting your Son his Canadian Citizenship. Thailand doesn't recognize Dual Citizenship but Canada does. So it is possible for your Son to be a Thai but also have Canadian Citizenship.

I did that for my Daughter when I was living in Thailand and her in Poland. We got all the paper work and finalized everything at the Canadian Embassy in Poland. So you will probably have to File at our Embassy here in Thailand. You should also be able to download all the paper work from their Internet Site as well. It was quite cheap and an easy process and I was surprised how quickly it was processed. But you need to have all your ducks in order first.

You need documentation of your Marriage Registration and your Sons Birth Certificate, stating you are the father. Also a Copy of your Passport as well. That was the Document I needed Notarized, as I was living in a different country then, but if you show up in person at the embassy with this copy and passport, you may not need to. At any rate I got mine Notarized by a Lawyer in Thailand and was quick and quite cheap to do.

If you don't have these copies, it may be hard for you to get now if your wife is on the rampage. But there are other ways. You should be able to get a copy of your Marriage Certificate at the Register Office where you got married. A Birth Certificate I am not so sure as I never had a child in Thailand, but I am sure others can help you here with that. I suppose the hospital where he was born would have a copy, or at least could set you straight as to where to get it.

I did this for my daughter with my x-wife's approval, which I think helped speed up the processing, as there was also a part in the form she had to sign. So I am not so sure how easy it will be if your wife refuses to cooperate with you on this. But what I do know for sure is that a child born of a Canadian has the God Given Right to get his Canadian Passport because he is already a Canadian. No matter what your wife wants or thinks, or what they tell you at the Canadian Embassy here.

So don't ever lose track of that fact. If they try to reject your application if you wife refuses to sign, and turn you away, demand your child's rights. What they may not know, and maybe you may not know, and for sure your wife doesn't know, is the day your son was born a Thai he was also born a Canadian. The only difference is that he does not have the Paper Work to prove that yet. Which he is fully entitled to get.

In closing I just want to give you some advice about your relationship with your wife now. I know that with all this hurt and betrayal you must feel towards your wife now, the lies and rejecting your calls and emails, and refusing you to see or talk to your son, you probably want to kill her. But really the best course of action is to try and smooth things over for your son, so you will have a future relationship with him later. Even if only long distance.

Hell! I could have killed my last wife for what she did to me. In fact, if I went with only my feelings, the cops would still be trying to pull my hands away from her throat after 8 years now. But for my daughter I put my pride in one pocket and pulled my wallet out of the other. Whether you like it or not your wife will have the greatest influence on whether your Son grows up to Love You, or Hate You. You can take my word on that.

Good Luck

I did my boy's proof of canadian citizenship when I was there... he has dual