Is She Bad?

[BambinA]

Dear all, It's not a troll 's question .

I have a friend, she is a Veterinarian like me ..

She met an engineer (Dutch guy) .. It seems like they have a lot of common .

Things are great ..

But ..The guy just told my friend he is married ..with a TH woman for few years and he have 1+ y/o kid with her

My friend was shocked that time ..

she worries she is the 3rd person .. who breaks this family up ..

But the Guy said his recent THai wife is so materialism .. always want things and get plenty sick buffaloes..never understood him .. (the guy is not a cheap charly , his salary is 4500 Euro)

As i know , my friend and the guy have a lot of common .. and the guy has an idea about divorcing before he has met my friend .

Now my friend feels guity like she is breaking a family ..even the guy said "No.. i dont want my wife "He can't stand with sick buffaloes no more.

But Being a Thai (as his wife) she feels bad.. It seems like she is a catalyze for this chemistry reaction !

What does she do? ..follow her heart .. or thinking about ethic ..and forget this guy

well It's hard for me to give some advice for her ..

Edited September 18, 2006 by BambinA

[meom]

She can start as a mia noi without expectations and hold out for a while until husband and wife have sorted out their differences.

[Mr Jones]

just another version of

my wife dosn't understand me.

lez

[endure]

If he's unhappy with his wife and is already thinking of divorcing her I don't see any problem, Bambs. Perhaps your friend ought to tell him she'd like him to divorce before things go much further.

[LaoPo]

If he's unhappy with his wife and is already thinking of divorcing her I don't see any problem, Bambs. Perhaps your friend ought to tell him she'd like him to divorce before things go much further.

Bambina: I agree with Endure.

Maybe it's a good idea to have an investigator find out about the 'real' relationship of this man and his present wife.

If it turns out to be like he says...well, she (your friend) could suggest a 'cool-off' period of a few months and see from there.

LaoPo

[jdinasia]

If he's not single ... then yes she's bad. <He's worse> She should walk away until he's free.

[migrant]

If he's not single ... then yes she's bad. <He's worse> She should walk away until he's free.

I agree. Divorce happens, but if he is already telling her that they are splitting, she should wait for the proof (him leaving, divorcing). If he lives with his wife in Thailand, then he should be moving out (especially if he makes that much money).

[Savage]

I guess the person to ask would be their child. She should stay well clear until the marriage is over. They need to try and make things work for the sake of the child if you ask me.

[a2396]

If he's not single ... then yes she's bad. <He's worse> She should walk away until he's free.

Your judging morality here? This situation is subject to a lot of factors that are not know for certain here. The validity of a marriage certificat is only as good as the commitment of both parties to the agreement. Otherwise, it's a piece of paper. I think we really don't know who has done what to who here.

[leisurely]

I think you know the answer to that question Bambi. You normally come over as a sensible individual. Anyone who carries on with another person while one of them is married is BAD . Whether the marriage is unhappy is irrelevent. Tell your friend to get out of the relationship and stay away from Mr husband/Daddy until his marriage is over. Maybe then they can get together.

[phibunmike]

If he's unhappy with his wife and is already thinking of divorcing her I don't see any problem, Bambs. Perhaps your friend ought to tell him she'd like him to divorce before things go much further.

Bambina: I agree with Endure.

Maybe it's a good idea to have an investigator find out about the 'real' relationship of this man and his present wife.

If it turns out to be like he says...well, she (your friend) could suggest a 'cool-off' period of a few months and see from there.

LaoPo

First, Bambi, we know you would never troll

Second, it is not the responsibility of your friend. HE is the one who has to accept full responsibilty. If she had known at the beginning, it would be different, but he chose not to tell her. She can sleep peacefully.

[Sing_Sling]

If he's not single ... then yes she's bad. <He's worse> She should walk away until he's free.

Your judging morality here? This situation is subject to a lot of factors that are not know for certain here. The validity of a marriage certificat is only as good as the commitment of both parties to the agreement. Otherwise, it's a piece of paper. I think we really don't know who has done what to who here.

And you are placing decrying moral judgement before the importance of a relationship in which a child is involved.

Of course it is not right to be the third wheel in a relationship. If the feelings the guy has for her is genuine and he has the intention of leaving his wife and child then he should do so and then pick up another relationship.

[sbk]

Bambi, your friend isn't bad for starting up with him, he lied, she believed him.

However, may I say one thing: he is willing to cheat on his wife, what makes her think he wouldn't cheat on her once he dumped his wife? Guys like this always have some excuse.

For her own mental well being, I suggest she move on and find a more honest man instead of a liar and a cheater.

[Maigo6]

For her own mental well being, I suggest she move on and find a more honest man instead of a liar and a cheater.

That's about right.

[Simbo]

Why don't we start an agony aunt section on TV ? We have enough of them here.

[1900]

More than one mianoi is not uncommon, depends on his income and mentality. Remember it's okay to lie. She may think she's two when in fact she's six.

[BambinA]

Thank you for you guys's opinions

i will send the link of this thread to my friend

[GuestHouse]

(the guy is not a cheap charly , his salary is 4500 Euro)

Given that your friend has raised the point of his income, then I think it is fair to ask how does his income figure in her consideration of this guy?

Would she be interested in him if he earned Eu1000 a month?

Would she be as interested in a guy earning Eu1000 a month but with no family?

[meemiathai]

(the guy is not a cheap charly , his salary is 4500 Euro)

Given that your friend has raised the point of his income, then I think it is fair to ask how does his income figure in her consideration of this guy?

Would she be interested in him if he earned Eu1000 a month?

Would she be as interested in a guy earning Eu1000 a month but with no family?

Well, since your friend has made such a big effort into finding out his salary, I suggest that your friend herself might be .....

BTW, how on earth did YOU know how much he earns, Bambi?

You did not ask her, did YOU???????

Edited September 19, 2006 by meemiathai

[mrbojangles]

Bambi, they are playing with fire and in my experience of seeing this happen with friends, is one, if not all, WILL get burnt.

From my perspective, if the shoe was on the other foot. But if a bloke was giving my Mrs one behind my back and i found out. Firstly she would be thrown out and secondly, well, let's just say, he had better start wearing protective equipment on his "meat and two veg" and a crash helmet !!

Just my 2 satang

[VanZam]

Given that she is a Veterinarian and there are alot of sick buffalos in his relationship, this well might be the answer to his prayers

I dont think having a relationship with a proven lier would be very productive however, and the wife and kid would just add to the drama.

[Chang_paarp]

Irrespective whether the man feels relationship is over the marraige is not and he is still living with the wife. Your friend should consider this;

1. The man has gone out cheating on his current wife.
   
2. This behaviour will not change with a change of partner.
   
3. Is she prepared to put herself in this position as the current wife? eg The gentleman(?) going around behind her back when he gets bored.
   

This is one of the first pieces of advice given to people when they take up with a person in a relationship. Don't expect the leopard to change its spots.

Your friend may not like the advise, but she needs to move on.

[ourmanflint]

If he's not single ... then yes she's bad. <He's worse> She should walk away until he's free.

Why do people do this to themselves? Do you really think that someone who is going to cheat on his wife and their 1 year old kid, is the kind of person you would want your friend involved with?? If you get someone that way, you have no reason to believe the very same thing wouldn't happen to you? This guy is a weak dick... he has no morals whatsoever... and your friend is crazy to get involved.

the world is a big place, I'm sure there will be someone somewhere!!!

I hope she knows that

Edited September 19, 2006 by ourmanflint

[1900]

Ego. And the fact many of us are in a doom mode. Logic goes down the toilet when you're young and in love, and goes down without a napkin when you're old and in love. Sex is a powerful force, innit?

[crowbait]

IS SHE BAD??

In the UK, counsellors would not offer advice to your friend, they would ask how she feels about the situation...........does she feel she's bad.......and why.

I think that any judgement any of us tries to make of this simply brings in our own prejudices, baggage etc. when the important issue is not the approval or otherwise of a bunch of onliikers but how good or bad she feels about herself.

She maybe needs to develop a strategy ond how she can best manage these feelings and whether it is in her best interests to continue the relationship or bale out of it now.

Whatever her decision, the wise counsellor helps her think the processes through so that she can arrive at a decision she is comfortable with

Sorry to be a boring old pedant.

[Donz]

I think the Dutch guy probaly has no intentions of leaving his wife.

I think he just wants her for pleasure.

[BambinA]

Well, since your friend has made such a big effort into finding out his salary, I suggest that your friend herself might be .....

BTW, how on earth did YOU know how much he earns, Bambi?

My friend told me ... and my friend never asked him about his salary .. the guy just told her..she knows about manner..no worries

You did not ask her, did YOU???????

No,I did not ask her...

[AlexLah]

Hi Bambi,

I have been in a similair situation.

I met a girl (while living in Holland) and we seem to have a lot in common.

She never ever mentioned having a BF only after I gave her the first kiss she said: SH**

I was surprised and asked her why you say that. Then she replied she had a BF but was not really happy.

OK I said let us stop seeing and calling eachother I do not want that kind of SH** OK.

We can talk again when you have left and say goodby your current BF.

A few months later she called me to tell me she was free.

For how long already I asked. Two weeks she told.

OK call me again in a month or 3 and tell me how you feel.

In the end we had a relation for 8 years, now she is happily married with the guy that was living

on the opposit house of where she and me where living...............

I agree with some other poster here that commented that the guy is cheating his wife.

Would you wanna be with someone that cheat on his partner Bambi?

Or is that sort of accepted behaviour for Thai lady's as long as the wife/GF is taken care of

and the cheating is not done very openly.

Have you ever been meeting someone that you knew was married Bambi, and how did you feel?

Alex

[meemiathai]

(the guy is not a cheap charly , his salary is 4500 Euro)

Given that your friend has raised the point of his income, then I think it is fair to ask how does his income figure in her consideration of this guy?

Would she be interested in him if he earned Eu1000 a month?

Would she be as interested in a guy earning Eu1000 a month but with no family?

Well, since your friend has made such a big effort into finding out his salary, I suggest that your friend herself might be .....

BTW, how on earth did YOU know how much he earns, Bambi?

My friend told me ... and my friend never asked him about his salary .. the guy just told her..she knows about manner..no worries

You did not ask her, did YOU???????

No,I did not ask her...

[AlexLah]

Hi Bambi,

I have not seen any reaction from you or your friend.

What is up?

Alex