Afraid to go back home

[nojoma]

home is where you are needed the most

[mesquite]

I am from Michigan, Flint, a city that was torn apart and basically most everyone lives somewhere but there after the auto factories all closed down. Just turned 60. Been gone a long time, too long I guess. Everyone is married there, so that affects it all too. I feel sad, but I need to be able to accept that I have had a good life over here working, better than most back there. Thanks for the notes.

I suspect that you do indeed have a better life over here than your friends back in the US. I know I do, and while some are quite happy for me, others are so insanely jealous that they really don't want to hear about any aspect of my life here. I guess those are former friends.

If these are your former single buddies, and now they're married, who knows what the wives (and the husbands) have in their heads about a single 60 year old man living in Thailand.

You've got a good life, but as they say, it's lonely at the top.

[bazza40]

I go back to Australia periodically for medical checks, and to satisfy the arcane rules of Centrelink and Medicare.

When I'm in Australia, I'm existing. In Thailand, I'm living. I suspect a lot of posters are in a similar mindset.

[G p]

Hi guys trying to get my self over there to stay with my Thai wife visa did not go through trying to save sa much money as I can to live there it's hard here in the UK to make money now everything is so expensive can't wait to go Back to Thailand

[luckizuchinni]

I came for work but got married and stayed. But I still have my house in the US. We rent out a room to an older lady, and she takes care of it, but the wife and I spend about two months total there each year. If we need it, it is there for us. WHo knows what Thailand will be in 10 or 20 years, and who knows what my health will be? So it is nice to have that escape valve.

[georgemandm]

Sad to say.....but I guess your "so-called" friends weren't really your friends then

I went back to australia 3 years ago,i asked my oldest son if i could possibly stay with him and his wife.Was asked for "how long"...i said 1 week.The response i got was 3 days would be ok!

You see that is the big problem with blokes in thailand you sell it all to live in a 3 rd place like thailand and you can't go back home

[micmichd]

My health was hardly ever as good as in Thailand. If it gets worse or I have an accident, then Thai health care can't be worse than Farang medicine. If I get really old and maybe a bit gaga, I would still have a Thai family to care for me.

And if I should have to leave Thailand, then there's all kinds of nice countries around.

I'm

Maybe some day I could continue my field studies in Europe, out of rather zoological interest. Right now, I probably have even more Farang friends in Thailand than in Europe.

Edited July 10, 2015 by micmichd

[nithisa78]

Yes Sir. Could be a lot worse. Do something so it doesn't become so.

You're addressing personal and spiritual issues. A good person can only get away with living a temporal life for so long.

Evidence, look at all the bigots, the haters posting on TV. Look at your own circumstances. Look in the mirror. Good luck.

[lust]

I'm worried about the taxes I haven't filed in 4 years. ?

[nithisa78]

I am from Michigan, Flint, a city that was torn apart and basically most everyone lives somewhere but there after the auto factories all closed down. Just turned 60. Been gone a long time, too long I guess. Everyone is married there, so that affects it all too. I feel sad, but I need to be able to accept that I have had a good life over here working, better than most back there. Thanks for the notes.

I suspect that you do indeed have a better life over here than your friends back in the US. I know I do, and while some are quite happy for me, others are so insanely jealous that they really don't want to hear about any aspect of my life here. I guess those are former friends.

If these are your former single buddies, and now they're married, who knows what the wives (and the husbands) have in their heads about a single 60 year old man living in Thailand.

You've got a good life, but as they say, it's lonely at the top.

the bottom is where its lonely. the bottom feeders don't even figure in.

[Tassie Norm]

Been here in Chiang Mai for 7 years now. About 5-6 month ago my wife asked if I would like to go back and visit. I had to think about it for a minute, then asked her "visit what"? I was always the "black sheep" of the family, so I have no close family ties. Haven't spoken to my parents in over 15 years, and of the 2 brothers I have left, I was only so-so close with one. Same deal, about 15 years now. The friends I had are all now married with families and lives of their own. I'm an American. I'm proud to be an American, but it's not my home any more. The only reason I would go back now is to take my wife and son there to give them a month long tour of the country. That's about the only reason I can think of for returning.

Mate, you come across as what Aussies call 'a good bloke'. Reading between the words (not lines) you are proud of your Thai family - and so you should be. I suspect you would like to introduce your Thai family to your home-roots family. Perhaps a letter, yeah, old fashioned, to the collective US mob may get them speaking about such a 'return'. You may be pleasantly surprised. Make the effort, your wife and kid, and you, will appreciate it else they live in unrealised curiosity about their husband/father family.........forever.

PS I took my Thai lady (wife) for a one month visit to Oz, she adored it, but I had previously kept in contact with some folk and my wife had spoken reasonably regularly with them before they physically met. Best thing I could have done. Good luck

[KarenBravo]

Sad to say.....but I guess your "so-called" friends weren't really your friends then

I went back to australia 3 years ago,i asked my oldest son if i could possibly stay with him and his wife.Was asked for "how long"...i said 1 week.The response i got was 3 days would be ok!

You see that is the big problem with blokes in thailand you sell it all to live in a 3 rd place like thailand and you can't go back home

Written by somebody who wants to live in Thailand, but, can't, or somebody that did live in Thailand, but, Thailand threw them back.

[saakura]

I am lucky to have a very close relationship will my extended family back home, i am welcome to stay at any of their houses but prefer to stay with my brother as my old father lives with him. My thai family also makes regular visits to see them all and we frequently host them here in Bangkok when my family comes visiting.

Edited July 10, 2015 by saakura

[magnacarta]

Strangly enough I was just thinking about starting the exact same topic.I agree with many of the posters on here as I returned to the UK for the first time in 10 years last year and had the same experience.My predicament is that I have got bored with Thailand.I have a great wife,beautiful daughter and I am now in my twilight years.I am lucky enough to still own a house in the UK,all bought and paid for,likewise a house here,2 cars etc.all paid for.

My post was going to be,if you were in my situation i.e. bored with Thailand and wanting a better life for your family which you could finacially support,what would you do?

I suspect that many expats have burned their bridges and just maybe stuck here.I am lucky enough not to be in that situation as I took a long term view regarding my life in Thailand.I must admit it was great at the begining but the way things are now I find Thailand is becoming a less attractive place to live as an expat and having a family.I look forward to your feedback.

[Tonto21]

Friendships, like marriage need input. If not, they slowly fade away.

Frankly, if someone contacted me after being away seven years and asked me to put them up, I'd make excuses, too.

I don't agree with what you say 'KarenBravo'.... I think the definition of friendship is the thing here.... What your describing, to me is an acquaintance......for me anyway.

Being an ex serviceman I have friends I've not spoken to for over 30 years...... What's changed? They are still my mates, I've just not spoke to them. If I bumped into them in the street tomorrow, we would go out of our way to make the reunion something to remember. I recently have made contact with a lot of my old service mates on Facebook, one came out to Thailand, he came and stayed at mine for a week.... We had a blast, it was as if we had not seen each other for only a weekend.

I think real friends don't forget there mates, sadly some, we see as a friend turns out to be an acquaintance..... Just let them go, they are not worth the time and effort.

I only have one friend who was not an ex-service man, (would have made a good one)

No disrespect to anyone here,........... I have found most civvies just don't get this concept of still being a friend.... just because you don't talk to someone for years. I had found, what I though a good mate after leaving the services, I though we were good friends. I moved, (again) we didn't talk for about 3 years, (just busy with other stuff) when I did make contact, he acted like a big tart.... went all 'handbag' on me, "you never rang me or called.......you don't care about me"....... Well sorry Princes....Life goes on.

That's why I feel we have different opinions........ real friendships, for me means you don't need effort or input...... Friendships just are what they are and if you have to work at them...... It an't a friendship.

Real friendships are effortless and require no input you are not happy to put-in!.... with no 'you owe me one'...... So many just don't see the difference between acquaintance and friend.

A friend is someone you would take incoming fire for....... An acquaintance is someone you patch-up after the firefight..........

[micmichd]

Been here in Chiang Mai for 7 years now. About 5-6 month ago my wife asked if I would like to go back and visit. I had to think about it for a minute, then asked her "visit what"? I was always the "black sheep" of the family, so I have no close family ties. Haven't spoken to my parents in over 15 years, and of the 2 brothers I have left, I was only so-so close with one. Same deal, about 15 years now. The friends I had are all now married with families and lives of their own. I'm an American. I'm proud to be an American, but it's not my home any more. The only reason I would go back now is to take my wife and son there to give them a month long tour of the country. That's about the only reason I can think of for returning.

Mate, you come across as what Aussies call 'a good bloke'. Reading between the words (not lines) you are proud of your Thai family - and so you should be. I suspect you would like to introduce your Thai family to your home-roots family. Perhaps a letter, yeah, old fashioned, to the collective US mob may get them speaking about such a 'return'. You may be pleasantly surprised. Make the effort, your wife and kid, and you, will appreciate it else they live in unrealised curiosity about their husband/father family.........forever.

PS I took my Thai lady (wife) for a one month visit to Oz, she adored it, but I had previously kept in contact with some folk and my wife had spoken reasonably regularly with them before they physically met. Best thing I could have done. Good luck

I would have liked to do the same, but my Farang "friends" believed that my Thai lady didn't even exist and I was only talking to myself on Skype, although they must have heard her voice. I never expected that denial of reality could go that far.

This didn't keep my lady and me from travelling, for sightseeing (and being photographed from tourists)

[Doc46]

Sad to say.....but I guess your "so-called" friends weren't really your friends then

I went back to australia 3 years ago,i asked my oldest son if i could possibly stay with him and his wife.Was asked for "how long"...i said 1 week.The response i got was 3 days would be ok!

Yep that's the way it goes,,They have their own life and problems they don't want anyone to change that,,You must understand that You can't just intrude even on your own family.

[dotpoom]

Similar experience here. I find the longer I live here (14 years) the more reclusive I am becoming. I just don't seem to be willing to put the effort into overlooking the shortcomings of others the way I would have to in the past, if I wanted to keep any friends. It just doesn't seem worth the hassle anymore, I just end up getting angry and upset. God only knows, I have plenty of failings of my own but I have found the people I meet nowadays (both here and at home) are not of the same "caliber" like they were in my past.

I'm talking about things like, bad manners, selfishness and self-contentedness, lack of gratitude for help offered and given, not replying to emails, not returning phone calls, not keeping their word. What it boils down to is simply this....lacking in principles.

As I already said, I am no saint myself but that list is just all about "common courtesy", nothing more than that...and it is precisely that that is disappearing rapidly.

I heard a fellow say one time...if you want to know how many friends you have...check out how many are waiting for you at the airport. ....I am lucky though....I have one real friend left.

Edited July 10, 2015 by dotpoom

[beachproperty]

Strangly enough I was just thinking about starting the exact same topic.I agree with many of the posters on here as I returned to the UK for the first time in 10 years last year and had the same experience.My predicament is that I have got bored with Thailand.I have a great wife,beautiful daughter and I am now in my twilight years.I am lucky enough to still own a house in the UK,all bought and paid for,likewise a house here,2 cars etc.all paid for.

My post was going to be,if you were in my situation i.e. bored with Thailand and wanting a better life for your family which you could finacially support,what would you do?

I suspect that many expats have burned their bridges and just maybe stuck here.I am lucky enough not to be in that situation as I took a long term view regarding my life in Thailand.I must admit it was great at the begining but the way things are now I find Thailand is becoming a less attractive place to live as an expat and having a family.I look forward to your feedback.

You say you're "bored with Thailand".....first off I'd ask where you live? In a country village? and if so move to another area of Thailand.....beach, city etc.

Then you say you want "a better life for your family" which is very understandable.....but you don't indicate what your family includes ...ie children still in school? if so personally I would raise them elsewhere for better schooling (mine are all grown and doing well). But then you indicate you're financially well off ....so if you stay in Thailand and have children send them to an "international school".

Since you still have a house in the UK why not move back? have you discussed this with the family as to what they want? (my wife WANTS to live in Thailand so that's where we live)

Good luck whatever you choose.....but remember ....Home is where your family is (which from the sounds of it can be anywhere) and as such you should take into consideration their feelings.

[rexpotter]

Thanks for all the beautiful comments.

[rexpotter]

I had a buddy who dissapeared over here, from NYC. I think he died of prostrate cancer in HKG. When we were friends I hooked him up with a gal and I told her to "Meet him at the airport" Nobody ever did that for him in his whole life and he traveled a lot on business. It meant the world to him.

[Jdiddy]

I get treated to a big BBQ, a day out at sea on the boat fishing and a go-kart session everytime i go back to australia, guess im missed, i treat it mostly as a fly-in fly-out 6 months on sort of thing

[rexpotter]

This is the letter I wrote to the few people I had contacted.

Bob,
Listen, I do not feel well enough to get on an airplane and fly around the world so I have canceled this ticket. Thanks you for your effort so far with it. I found the whole thing starting to totally stress me out thinking about trying to be back in Michigan and be a burden to people and just being in the way. Also the flight I got kind of tricked me as I bought it on Etihad and after I looked closer it ran me through two other low rated airlines on the trip. This also adding to my worries.
If I feel like I am healthier later perhaps I will try it but unfortunately I think I have burned too many bridges to feel welcome anywhere. Thats life I guess. You can call me a coward or whatever, but that whats happening. In the end my health is not good enough to go and do this in ten days. And I hate 12 time zone changes like you cant believe.

Take Care

[wwest5829]

We will travel to the U.S. For about 50 days come September. A week with a good friend and wife in the old hometown, then on the road in the Southeastern states. Told the boys when I retired and moved to Thailand, good news, bad news. I'm not close by but the trade off is they do not have to care for me in old age. As to money, what comes to Thailand stays in Thailand. Wife is left everything here (not all that much). Retirement funds, if any remain, see inherit ted evenly by the two sons.

[magnacarta]

Strangly enough I was just thinking about starting the exact same topic.I agree with many of the posters on here as I returned to the UK for the first time in 10 years last year and had the same experience.My predicament is that I have got bored with Thailand.I have a great wife,beautiful daughter and I am now in my twilight years.I am lucky enough to still own a house in the UK,all bought and paid for,likewise a house here,2 cars etc.all paid for.

My post was going to be,if you were in my situation i.e. bored with Thailand and wanting a better life for your family which you could finacially support,what would you do?

I suspect that many expats have burned their bridges and just maybe stuck here.I am lucky enough not to be in that situation as I took a long term view regarding my life in Thailand.I must admit it was great at the begining but the way things are now I find Thailand is becoming a less attractive place to live as an expat and having a family.I look forward to your feedback.

You say you're "bored with Thailand".....first off I'd ask where you live? In a country village? and if so move to another area of Thailand.....beach, city etc.

Then you say you want "a better life for your family" which is very understandable.....but you don't indicate what your family includes ...ie children still in school? if so personally I would raise them elsewhere for better schooling (mine are all grown and doing well). But then you indicate you're financially well off ....so if you stay in Thailand and have children send them to an "international school".

Since you still have a house in the UK why not move back? have you discussed this with the family as to what they want? (my wife WANTS to live in Thailand so that's where we live)

Good luck whatever you choose.....but remember ....Home is where your family is (which from the sounds of it can be anywhere) and as such you should take into consideration their feelings.

Firstly I live north of Bangkok in a non tourist area.I am not a beach person,done Phuket and Pattaya and no way would I want to live there.My daughter has just started matyom in a private school,she has been in a private school since anuban.My wife wants our daughter to go abroad for an education,but pray tell me how you can send a 12 year old abroad on her own.I am in discussions with my wife about us moving back to the UK but as yet have not enquired about visas etc.I would not impose my wishes on my wife or daughter,my wife has stated on many occasions she would like our daughter to go abroad for education.My brother in Scotland and my sister in Canada have offered to have her,but I have yet to explore those possibilities.Sorry to say you are bending to your wifes wishes,my wife is looking to the future for our daughter.Thank you for your response,I was expecting a reply like yours.

[nickmanchester2]

my dads got a holiday home which is a 2 bedroom static caravan... I can see me and my brother (he is not very good with money) sharing this one day!

[cooked]

? What have Pattaya and Phuket got to do with beaches? Aren't beaches places that you can safely take your kids and bathe?

[slipperylobster]

We are quite the same.....16 years in the Philippines and 4 here. Only made six or more trips back to Upstate New York, to stay with my elderly mom for 3 months at a time. She passed away, just before I was able to fly there, and take her to Thailand (No other brothers volunteered to care for her). She had a visa...and plane tickets. My wife was very happy that she would be staying with us.

Well, she left the house in a Trust, and I only found out I was on the Trust..along with one other brother. It was hidden for 20 years, that I was a co-trustee. I could of taken money out of the house to help out the mom...if everyone agreed. I think my other brothers were afraid I would make all the money disappear. Anyways, house sold cheap, just 10 days ago. Proceeds were distributed..and all 4 of us "brothers" were attacking each other, for various reasons. None of them offered a bed, for me to sleep in...or even a pickup at the airport. It would of been hotels and car rentals...and big arguments (legalities..beneficiaries...duties not done, etc). It is still a mess...

Now I have enough to get my son out of the Philippines (has US Passport), to visit me in Thailand. It will be a test run...on exiting and re-entering the Philippines (he has no Philippine passport...and will re-enter as an American...for short periods of time). In February...we all are going to Oregon/Washington State area. Looks like I will just rent a home for six months....and buy a small travel trailer/truck. My son will look for a job, and eventually...my wife will also want to work.

Boring for all of you..this story...but a life changing opportunity for me. I want to keep the house I rent in Chiang Mai...along with all the stuff....and also (eventually) buy a home in the USA for the wife/son....when my time is up. I look at this the same as going to a foreign country. I am sure it will be hard to fit in....but I suddenly have an urge to get "back in the system". I been out of touch so long...that it will be like a new beginning. Have to thank my mom for the Trust Property...and her generous nature. I have only three true friends back in the USA...and some unhappy brothers.

[beachproperty]

Strangly enough I was just thinking about starting the exact same topic.I agree with many of the posters on here as I returned to the UK for the first time in 10 years last year and had the same experience.My predicament is that I have got bored with Thailand.I have a great wife,beautiful daughter and I am now in my twilight years.I am lucky enough to still own a house in the UK,all bought and paid for,likewise a house here,2 cars etc.all paid for.

My post was going to be,if you were in my situation i.e. bored with Thailand and wanting a better life for your family which you could finacially support,what would you do?

I suspect that many expats have burned their bridges and just maybe stuck here.I am lucky enough not to be in that situation as I took a long term view regarding my life in Thailand.I must admit it was great at the begining but the way things are now I find Thailand is becoming a less attractive place to live as an expat and having a family.I look forward to your feedback.

You say you're "bored with Thailand".....first off I'd ask where you live? In a country village? and if so move to another area of Thailand.....beach, city etc.

Then you say you want "a better life for your family" which is very understandable.....but you don't indicate what your family includes ...ie children still in school? if so personally I would raise them elsewhere for better schooling (mine are all grown and doing well). But then you indicate you're financially well off ....so if you stay in Thailand and have children send them to an "international school".

Since you still have a house in the UK why not move back? have you discussed this with the family as to what they want? (my wife WANTS to live in Thailand so that's where we live)

Good luck whatever you choose.....but remember ....Home is where your family is (which from the sounds of it can be anywhere) and as such you should take into consideration their feelings.

Firstly I live north of Bangkok in a non tourist area.I am not a beach person,done Phuket and Pattaya and no way would I want to live there.My daughter has just started matyom in a private school,she has been in a private school since anuban.My wife wants our daughter to go abroad for an education,but pray tell me how you can send a 12 year old abroad on her own.I am in discussions with my wife about us moving back to the UK but as yet have not enquired about visas etc.I would not impose my wishes on my wife or daughter,my wife has stated on many occasions she would like our daughter to go abroad for education.My brother in Scotland and my sister in Canada have offered to have her,but I have yet to explore those possibilities.Sorry to say you are bending to your wifes wishes,my wife is looking to the future for our daughter.Thank you for your response,I was expecting a reply like yours.

No need to be "sorry" for saying I'm bending to my wife's wishes. BUT you are wrong. Marriage is a partnership and that's how I treat it. I took my wife to the US (have a house on a lake in California) and asked her if she wanted to live there. Her response was ...."Its nice and clean in America but I have no friends so I'd rather live in Thailand .....but it's up to you...if you want to live in the US ...I will". As I am retired and was over 10 years ago I thought "why not live in Thailand " ...can give it a try.

So we moved to Thailand and I haven't regretted it since....Don't live in BKK (although we did initially and still have a house there) but do live on the beach (eastern seaboard ....NOT Pattaya) where we built a small resort. So I am neither bored (as you are) nor regretting my decision to live in Thailand ....Best decision I ever made.

Still wish you luck as you seem to be one of those who's in "limbo" ...not knowing whether to stay or go.

Edited July 10, 2015 by beachproperty

[ggt]

Do like any other tourist from Asia would do...find inexpensive hotels...either rent a vehicle or take public transportation...

It seems to me...you are just afraid to spend a few bucks to visit the friends and family...