Persevere or run?

[MAJIC]

Let me get this right.

You have only met this lady in person 3 times since meeting her online in 2013 and you have already allowed her to talk you into giving her another baby, that you really don't want and you aren't even married yet. If she has that baby and you have a rocky relationship and you are not registered as the babies father at the Amphur then you can kiss all your rights as a father away. Don't even think that your name on a birth certificate is good enough in this country, because it isn't.

I'm afraid you won't take any good advice, but here it is...

RUN!!!

Thai females think that if you have a baby from an English man money will start rolling in,from the English Government,to look after the child,wishful thinking,you get nothing if you live in Thailand!

[ozyjon]

You say she is 40 with a child, i stopped reading half way through.

you obviously don't know the rules, she will milk you then dump you

then move on, you are just an ATM ship in the night, bye.

ps stickman is good as kiwis go

[tassieman]

Hi, I'm guessing there's a time limit as to how long you can edit a post? If not, how does you do it thnx MP

[fang37]

Good luck - I experienced the step-children saga in my native country.

HELL!

I was about 30yo.

Now, I recognize my limitations.

[jacko45k]

Sounds to me like she is a liar and not to be trusted.

She also shows little trust to you by not showing evidence and avoiding a meeting with Mr Kindly, a situation I do not believe for a minute either.

At this moment in time you have lost nothing, nor does it sound like you have yet to be taken advantage of in any way.

Personally I would cut and run, a relationship based on lies is no basis whatsoever, if she has been married to a UK man previously, likely she would know that.

Move on....... before you are even further invested. Plenty of alternatives.

[louse1953]

Why get married?Having a kid,are you mad,your not even sure of her motives.Run your own life mate and just take her out for a long time.She will reveal herself in time.

[gemguy]

Seriously....have your fun with her and move on to greener pastures.

That may seem callous but I am telling you.........you DO NOT want to get involved with all the drama that is going on in her life.....and for what...some sexual companionship and female company?

If what you have said is true then you are heading for disaster and a lot of drama and heart felt emotions and heart break...for sure ...100 % assured ......while it is just not worth all the headaches.

This is Thailand and there are 100,000 or more women in this country that would be a much better choice and not having all the baggage that this women you describe has attached to her.

Just fade away politely and forget about her.

Best advice anyone could ever give you.

Cheers

[collingwood]

If you want something faithful....get yourself a dog....a Dish liker

[louse1953]

_{O.P here....again, many thanks ato responders...greatly appreciated and to JBGood...take on board what you said about TV + 10 years...BUT...in my defence "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I AM DOING NOW" before the whole shebang falls apart, and I did do quite a lot of forum surfing gleaning what I could, but (and to respond to some of the others):}

• _{it's not so much "leading with the little head"...it's actually about "leading with the heart"...but again thanx for your response}

_{There may be a cool tone in my outline of what's been going on but YES I have had very strong feelings for the woman in question....I am not going to weep on the page, but I feel very sad about how things have started to turn out.}

_{Thanks again, MP}

At 54 years,you can not afford any more mistakes mate.Take things slowly,what's the hurry.

[hellohello123]

No offence. But two marriages and you are looking for another one online with a person youve met three times!!!! Thats insane

Would you even consider having a baby eith a girl you met in australia three times!?!?!

A lot of farang say i have no assets so she isnt in it for the money. But the woman are probably preying on the fact that farangs will man up with daddy responsibilities and pay up 200 aud per week which is almost hitting thr jackpot

The amount of headache with the scenario makes me want to reach for another pain killer

[louse1953]

yeah go for it

absolutely stupid story with i hope an even more stupid ending

stupid gets what stupid does

yeah TVF...YOUR BEST PLACE FOR ALL SERIOUS ADVICE

Bit harsh mate.Tassie seems dinkum,and some blokes are a bit lost when confronted by all the games that are played.Ozzie women usually tell it how it is,so this would all be new to Tas.Advice from TVF members who have been there,done that,would not go astray.No amount of reading up on the subject can prepare you for the games that shysters play especially when looking for "love"and getting lust.

[SGX]

_{O.P here....again, many thanks ato responders...greatly appreciated and to JBGood...take on board what you said about TV + 10 years...BUT...in my defence "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I AM DOING NOW" before the whole shebang falls apart, and I did do quite a lot of forum surfing gleaning what I could, but (and to respond to some of the others):}

• _{it's not so much "leading with the little head"...it's actually about "leading with the heart"...but again thanx for your response}

_{There may be a cool tone in my outline of what's been going on but YES I have had very strong feelings for the woman in question....I am not going to weep on the page, but I feel very sad about how things have started to turn out.}

_{Thanks again, MP}

At 54 years,you can not afford any more mistakes mate.Take things slowly,what's the hurry.

Dear Op. sounds like you are a nice soft guy = easy prey. Its one thing to be kind hearted but another thing to be used.

Sounds like she praying on you and manipulating you.

Many uneducated asians do this type of thing .

Take things slowly means you will not listen so good luck .

Her way of locking you in is having a kid. at your age why do that to yourself.

Your strong feelings are probably because you where abandonded as a baby and never had mother love. So you been in search for it ever since, hence the reason you divorced twice.

[louse1953]

No offence. But two marriages and you are looking for another one online with a person youve met three times!!!! Thats insane

Would you even consider having a baby eith a girl you met in australia three times!?!?!

A lot of farang say i have no assets so she isnt in it for the money. But the woman are probably preying on the fact that farangs will man up with daddy responsibilities and pay up 200 aud per week which is almost hitting thr jackpot

The amount of headache with the scenario makes me want to reach for another pain killer

Spot on.Why would she want to get married if she is getting 90 quid from England.If your moving to Thailand,why get married at all,

[louse1953]

The truth is, there are a lot of unanswered questions, which, are easy to answer.

Why is she not answering them? Its easy enough to show you a marriage certificate, to see a death certificate. £90 a week, does not seem right, see a link as to the UK pension rates, (http://www.which.co.uk/money/retirement/guides/state-pension-explained/widows-pension-and-bereavement-allowance/ )

If you gut is saying there is something wrong, go with your gut, if she refuses or declines to answer your , reasonable;e and simple requests, well, how can you start a relationship with someone who hides things from you, goodness know what else she hides from you. Blowing her top, when you ask pointed questions, is also a huge warning sign.

It's not worth it Tassieman, it makes no difference how much she says she owns, its what you see with your eyes and hear with your ears. She has other mens clothes there, chances are there is another man, she says she has money, but the house is not fully furnished. Proof is needed, and you have the proof in what she does not say.

My advice, say thank you, and go, find someone who you trust, and are not worried about, if you have so many questions, and she will not answer, and you have to resort to asking on the forum, well , you already know what you have to do, and the replies have confirmed that.

You have worked hard for your money and for your future, live it with someone how cares for you, not your cash.

I am getting married to a Thai lady, and asked her to sign a prenuptual, she said yes without a bat of an eyelid.

Good luck

5555,good luck with that pre-nup.

[farang2002]

_{O.P here....again, many thanks ato responders...greatly appreciated and to JBGood...take on board what you said about TV + 10 years...BUT...in my defence "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I AM DOING NOW" before the whole shebang falls apart, and I did do quite a lot of forum surfing gleaning what I could, but (and to respond to some of the others):}

• _{it's not so much "leading with the little head"...it's actually about "leading with the heart"...but again thanx for your response}

_{There may be a cool tone in my outline of what's been going on but YES I have had very strong feelings for the woman in question....I am not going to weep on the page, but I feel very sad about how things have started to turn out.}

_{Thanks again, MP}

As difficult as it may be, try use your intellect to control your emotions. You'll be a lot better off in the end!

[louse1953]

I don't like to say this but you must be Soooo gullible. I never heard so many lines of crap all about one relationship. I am from Aussie and consider myself to be an expert on Thai women.I went thru 6 of them before I found a true and honest Thai lady. During my 15yrs with her I saw and heard of many of her so called Thai friends rip off the guys they had sucked in. I have known so many guys that met Thai hookers already in Aus and ended up losing everything. One guy had 3 houses and after 3-4 yrs was separated from his Thai G?F and back home living with his Mom and yes all 3 houses were gone. This is just one of many stories I can relate. You are correct in one aspect the place in BKK and the clothes belong to this ex or the Embassy guy (they may be one and the same). You are just another possible source of income. C'mon mate use your gut feeling and RUN RUN RUN. The best piece of advice I can give any man thinking of retiring and settling down in Thailand with a Thai honey is just be very careful with your money and as soon as the sob stories come out just pack up and go because once they start they will continue, and I must admit some of the stories are very creative and believeable. I know all this as I was a P.I. in Aus and ended up doing many jobs on Thai women both in Aus and in Thailand. Never once did I find the investigations I did led to nothing. They were all up to sucking the men dry and giving their Aussie wives the evidence for divorce.

5555.Your a PI and yet you went with 6 women before you found Mz Right.As far as the houses are concerned,maybe the bank "owned"the houses.If he owned the houses going in to the relationship,then he doesn't have to sell them.By law after 2 years you have to cough up a bit of money,but not your life savings.You weren't his adviser were you?

[louse1953]

Again to all...many thanks...I have got the drift BIGTIME...I would like to mull it all over because I had a whole set of hopes etc based on this relationship and, yes, even a new baby and setting up a life either here in Australia or in Thailand. So, wondering pls how to close a thread? MP

Tassie,you are a hopeless romantic,chogdee.

[louse1953]

All I can say a very long story and was not going to finish it but I did and if I were you I would run run like in the movie foster gum you are 54 years old I think why would you want a 40 year old thai lady who has had a baby with a western man before , can you not read in to it she is a lier so run not as if you can't get a new one I have a very good looking thai lady sitting next to me here in Australia now and no bullshit she is 24 years old and I like her but I think with my big head not my little head , hop you work it out and the best of luck and I am older then you cheers

Dear george you say that you think with your big head not your little head that might be true but your big head is not very good at punctuation and should perhaps seek some help from your little head and also foster gum is not a movie foster's is a beer in a blue can and gum is a tree I believe and victoria bitter is also a beer but in a red can

How much Vitamin Beer have you drank,green can mate.

[louse1953]

Hello BigSkip...not sure of protocol

>p.s. You just did close it, a big thanks is always appreciated

But yes BIG thanks to everyone...tbh, it hasn't been all that easy taking on board all the comments but I wrote in expecting as much in-your-face replies and the other cynical stuff also. Look, two weeks ago I was taken for one of the most incredible rides of my life through Isaan territory with my GF. For a week I got to see some beautiful (albeit parched countryside), drank a bit of the cheap brandy, met Mum and the boy, the Auntie and saw the village and even the older home in another village and was taken up into the hills to where the rubber plantation was supposedly and even where Dad was living there as a monk and my GF had built a Family 'temple' and just paid 20K baht merit for solar power etc etc.

It's a pretty compelling story and YES I have/had fallen for it. For me it's been all the little inconsistencies that have niggled away...I am basically a country guy and farmers are farmers anywhere...the fact that my GF didn't know the landholder on the adjacent plot (who we encountered on the access road) enroute to her holding, her supposed plantation, seemed really strange to me. Country folk know each other well in any part of the world as neighbours.

So, it's all been about trying to join the dots. I think I have done that. BIG thanks again and happy for no more good advice now....it's starting to hurt MP

I heard a story up Udon way where a girl had to rent a restuarant for a month to show her bf.If you can't understand Thai,you have no idea what's going on.I bet you paid for that incredible ride,stop now,or pay for the rest of your life.

[brewsterbudgen]

Read Steven Leather's 'Private Dancer' and you'll have your answer.

Run like hell.

Private Dancer is fiction.

[GlutinousMaximus]

Hi OP

Id say to you "Proceed with caution"

If you're from farangland where female attention and affection is rarer than chicken's teeth, it can be very flattering to have women come on to you especially after an extended period of 'drought' back home. The locals here know all that and have a standardised playbook of flattery techniques for farang suckers honed over 50+ years (not that I'm saying you are).

Not sure also what your experience is in Thailand, but you could give some consideration to 'sexual market value' - as a farang, yours is relatively high (even if you're 60+) as others here have pointed out. I've been to villages all over the NE of Thailand and I've lost count of the times I've heard "I want a farang husband, do you have any brothers/cousins/nephews for me?"

I'm not saying all here are like that, however think very carefully indeed about marriage. If you're embarking on a relationship which has some iffy aspects, why do you need the government to be involved if you want to cut and run? If you haven't heard, marriage is seriously going out of fashion (at least for men). If it were me, and someone was manoeuvring me towards marriage, I wouldn't be led into the paddock.I'd say "happy to stay with you 'longtime' darling, but marriage is a big no-no for me given my past experience". Procreation is a different matter - good luck to you if you are into that (and nothing wrong with passing on your genes!) but I'd check out what that opens you up to in terms of potential maintenance under Thai law etc.

Even some Thais get "married" with a Buddhist ceremony etc., but don't actually sign marriage contracts so it has no legal standing. I've seen that a lot with rich Vietnamese immigrant families where I live - they have dynastic arranged marriages but are careful to preserve and protect their family fortunes from the grabbing hands of disgruntled spouses. As a compromise, you could offer that and see what she says. It's also a good test of her intentions - if she genuinely likes you, she'll be happy to stay with you on your terms.

You seem genuine (i.e. not a troll) so your instincts are right asking for advice on here and as you can see from (some) of the responses, you're tapping into a wealth of experience.

[fang37]

Read Steven Leather's 'Private Dancer' and you'll have your answer.

Run like hell.

Private Dancer is fiction.

I would run faster than that.

Enough chatter?

GET OUT NOW!

[Pinot]

This is the kind of naive post you get from a guy who doesn't live here. If you did live here this relationship would soon be over and you'd be on to someone else younger. The actual facts as stated seem plausible. You're worried about some other guy. Occasionally, farangs do help out Thais, seems plausible to me. It wouldn't bother me someone else had helped her.

The OP just seems both paranoid and naive. The old hands reading this see the issues in a different light and see the warning signs. Misogynistic, cruel comments about Thai women should be ignored. The same bitter men make the same comments every time there is post like this.

When relationships anywhere are complicated and don't feel right, then walk away. Plenty of fish in the sea.

Trying to start a relationship over the Internet rarely works. Feet on the ground is necessary.

[sammygood]

me thinks this is a nice covered ad for DATE IN ASIA ...

[BlackJack]

why would you want to tie yourself down at 54

come here and play the field

to many women and so little time

you will get the same drama from a 20 year old so if youre going to commit go for something younger

[thaibeachlovers]

Again to all...many thanks...I have got the drift BIGTIME...I would like to mull it all over because I had a whole set of hopes etc based on this relationship and, yes, even a new baby and setting up a life either here in Australia or in Thailand. So, wondering pls how to close a thread? MP

Just contact a moderator and ask them to close it. Don't use the report function- PM them.

[Support]

Closed per OP request to Support