SinSot type payments

[dotpoom]

I'v heard of many reasons for putting of marriage but this has to be a first..........." she's keen to get married but I'm a bit on the lazy side so I'm trying to slow down proceedings."...555

[georgemandm]

Hi guys,

I'm in a relationship with a girl from BKK, she's not of the bar variety, she's keen to get married but I'm a bit on the lazy side so I'm trying to slow down proceedings.

She tells me she's getting pressure from her mum for us to marry, which I sort of expected.

We've recently got a visa for her to make an extended stay in my homeland, she won't be permitted to work, so obviously I'm going to be supporting her.

She's also made a request for money that I should give to her mum in the same fashion as a SinSot, is this normal ?

If so how much should I be expected to pay ?

Thanks in advance

You tell me how the hell do you know she never ever work a bar you have no idea just what she tells you and why the hell would you pay sin sot to a 40 years old thai lady and you have no idea how many times she has had a village marriage I have seen it before thai lady had 3 marriages in the village with thai man and has no idea about it and western man same same >

If I would you tell I am going to pay and if she not like piss her of A S A P thai lady's are great at the money bs that is why I never ever trust a thai or a western woman

[georgemandm]

40 yrs old and not a virgin, NO SINSOD

I am a great supporter of Thai women

BUT be sensible, you are offering an older woman an opportunity of a new life , she should be paying you

Maybe 3/4000 batt to her mother per month to help, remember her brothers are already contributing

Yes there are horror stories around concerningThai ladies but generally the foreigner has significantly contributed

DO NOT GO THERE

It will take a few hours to find a replacement

Very true can get new one in one hour haha

[Scouse123]

Your partner is the one pushing for marriage not the mother, yes? not the mother? Understandable as she is moving up to 40 and single.

Well, you can say it's early days and you are going to try things out and see how it goes by first taking her on an extended trip. Sin Sod has not been mentioned it appears, only by your presumption that that is what she is asking for or expecting.

I don't think she is by what you have written and there is a possibility of you confusing the two.

It is very possible you two are going away and the mother or your girlfriend is expressing concern about looking after Mum as there is no Father.

If she is a breadwinner as you imply, then you could (not necessarily should), check what your girlfriend was sending per month to her mother and match it.

I am fairly certain it will not be more than 3,000 or 4,000 baht a month.How could it be with the Thai average salary even a considered middle class Thai working in Bangkok. Forget all this sin sod stuff.

You can easily arrange for this transfer to take place on a month by month basis from your home country and the mother could draw it every month. I wouldn't recommend giving any ' lump sum ' up front as with people not used to handling money and fairly low educated ( the mother ) it will be blown quickly and then they will ask for more. This kind of assistance needs strict control from the start of the relationship.

Lastly, the needs of the mother are defined by what she has been receiving from the daughter as she has learned to live within that budget. You do not need to increase this amount and if indeed you are wealthy do not upset the applecart, why would you want to do that and set a precedent for the future in financial dealings??

I am 20 years into a Thai / foreign relationship and it's not a one size fits all scenerio.

I will end by saying there is a strong likelihood if the brothers get wind you are supporting the mother with large amounts of money, she will not be able to keep her mouth shut and they equally will quickly have a financial problem where they need the mother to bail them out from her new found wealth. It is just how the majority of them are in my findings.

[sammygood]

get give her your ATM card

and be surprised by the amount takes each month

[jamie2009]

Friend of a friend had known his Thai girlfriend for 5 years, decided to get married, 2 weeks before the wedding he give her 1.25 million baht sin sod, she disappeared never seen to be seen again !!

[Roger Lee]

My girlfriend wanted 200,000 sinsod, I told her and her family to pound sand. She still loves me and I now see her family in a different light, gold diggers and greedy ones at that. No marriage either btw.

[Tassie Norm]

You marrying her or her mother?

Can't have one without the other......as the song goes, Jacko

[Roger Lee]

My girlfriend wanted 200,000 sinsod, I told her and her family to pound sand. She still loves me and I now see her family in a different light, gold diggers and greedy ones at that. No marriage either btw.

[NoshowJones]

1 million baht if she's a good Bangkok girl and as much gold as you can afford.

Your lucky gold is really low now and if you wait it could get cheaper. Its Sin Sod not Sot. According to the rules it only serves as bragging rights for the mother and after the ceremony it should be returned to you and your wife but seeing as how your a foreigner don't hold your breath on this one. If your not happy with the girl its none refundable. I would suggest you move on as there are lots of fish in the sea although we are in a drought weather wise but there is no drought with regard to the number of Thai ladies looking for love. Once your a giver always a giver. Never tell Thai ladies how much money you have always plead poverty they will understand that.

Your last sentence, then 90% of the time, there will be no way you will keep them.

[Geoffsilverfox]

For what it's worth...............

I met my lady 3 years ago, and we have absolutely NO problems.

When it became obvious that she wanted to move in with me, I asked her how much she sent her mother each month. She answered, 4,000 baht.

So at the very beginning we made a deal. She stops sending money to her mother..........I will never marry her.........I will never pay sinsod or dowry, and I don't support Thai families. I don't even give her regular money every month

However that said...........I pay all the bills, and make sure my lady always has money in her purse. She has all the gold and possessions that she wants.

I don't have any other family, and so my lady is the sole beneficiary of my Thai will, and when I am gone, if she is careful, she will never have to work again.

And, just to add some more ammunition to the sneering comments I expect from this post, I am 67 years old, and my lady was 31 years old yesterday.

[jamie2009]

People always go on about their Thai girlfriends are well educated and have good jobs, not bar girls. I dont think it makes any difference they all think alike. Been said before on here Thai people don't really like us they just tolerate us for what they can get out us wether it be security or money.there are very few places on the planet where a woman would be in a relationship with some one have their age not unless you were a multi millionaire, not a baht millionaire by the way.

[Ban Merry]

So at the very beginning we made a deal. She stops sending money to her mother..........I will never marry her.........I will never pay sinsod or dowry, and I don't support Thai families. I don't even give her regular money every month

However that said...........I pay all the bills, and make sure my lady always has money in her purse. She has all the gold and possessions that she wants.

Think the above is taking the piss! Am all confused.

[Kannikapor88]

Do not take her out of Thailand and do not marry her ...

Does she have any tatoos like a tramp-stamp on the lower back - if so she has been on the game ...

[kungpao]

I guess you have to ask if you trust her. And if you really love her. I won't go into my story except to say I wouldn't pay it. But someone needs to take care of mom. You could set up a stipend for mom.

[joe64]

This varies as an example, should the bride be a divorcee or a “Mia Maiy” – a spoiled/ruined wife, normally no dowry is paid. If she has a child or children from a former marriage or relationship no dowry is paid either.

[realenglish1]

Yea right money for her mother because you are taking her Financial Security for an extended stay.

I would say no You are not getting married. Look people can ask for money for all reasons I have had relative strangers

ask me for money to borrow with undying commitment to pay me back. If you believe in the tooth fairy OK

To be blunt if you start paying now when you are unmarried then they will continue to ask you and expect you to pay

Unfortunately many Thais view Farang as their personal ATM's

[Straight8]

Give her and her family a big bag of sweet FA.

Getting pressured by her parents to get married. Yeah right that old chestnut.

Where are you from? Tell her and her family that in the Western world the father pays for his daughters wedding. Tell them you need 1 mil baht from them to marry their "not for sale" daughter.

They'll soon change their tune then. The family will then pressure her to leave you and find someone a lot more gullible.

Spot on.

Does it get any more obvious?

"Sin Sod" and "pressure from the family" is all about you need to know what the agenda here is. It just doesn't get any clearer than that.

OP, surely you can not be this dumb ?? Wake up man. Your being stitched up!!!

Here's your chance not to end up another statistic.

[MaeJoMTB]

How much money to pay her ...... 1,000bht per shag is fair.

Sorry, didn't read she was 40 ....... 500bht/shag at that age.

Edited July 20, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[kungpao]

Just use common sense. And your own emotions. Mom

Has no social security. If you send her $100 a month is that comfortable? Or must ask your girl about why need to give money. Be up front. You can say no you won't support. She does not have money saved?

[elgordo38]

How old is she? What's her educational background? Does she have children? How wealthy is the family?

she''s approaching 40, got a degree from Ramkemheng, her dad passed away when she was young, her 2 brothers aren't as well educated, I wouldn't describe them as rich or high so, just an ordinary work a day family, she's not got kids, not been married before (at least not admitting to it), having seen her visa application I believe that to be true.

Being almost 40 makes her value drop considerably. If she is still a virgin well then the price goes up. If she is very attractive (she must be because you love her) the price goes up. If you want to take her back to the homeland chances are she will not work ( and will join the local coffee clatching smoking gossip clubs) and you have to support her and this causes the price to go down. I would say about 50,000 bahts and a baht of gold should seal the deal. Maybe forget the gold. Just be careful I always use the rule of thumb "Never take the Thai out of Thailand" If her affection for you cools there well things could get pretty hot for you. The welfare system does not want to get stuck for your mistakes. They will come looking for you. When exposed to another culture a "Keeping up with the Jones" mentality can form. Always remember love and hate walk an awfully thin line.

[kungpao]

How old is she? What's her educational background? Does she have children? How wealthy is the family?

she''s approaching 40, got a degree from Ramkemheng, her dad passed away when she was young, her 2 brothers aren't as well educated, I wouldn't describe them as rich or high so, just an ordinary work a day family, she's not got kids, not been married before (at least not admitting to it), having seen her visa application I believe that to be true.

Being almost 40 makes her value drop considerably. If she is still a virgin well then the price goes up. If she is very attractive (she must be because you love her) the price goes up. If you want to take her back to the homeland chances are she will not work ( and will join the local coffee clatching smoking gossip clubs) and you have to support her and this causes the price to go down. I would say about 50,000 bahts and a baht of gold should seal the deal. Maybe forget the gold. Just be careful I always use the rule of thumb "Never take the Thai out of Thailand" If her affection for you cools there well things could get pretty hot for you. The welfare system does not want to get stuck for your mistakes. They will come looking for you. When exposed to another culture a "Keeping up with the Jones" mentality can form. Always remember love and hate walk an awfully thin line.

disagree with all you say.

[blackcab]

Aloha,

+ I gave my Thai wife's parents 100,000THB as an "Honor".

+ Since she moved to Maui with me on K1 VISA, I've sent nothing.

+ My wife works here in USA and sends some money. That's HER deal, not mine.

+ Be careful to not set a precedent.

+ Don't try to "impress" Thai people with your money. It gets you nothing.

+ I take care of my Wife. She works. It's her money if she wants to send some of it back to Thailand.

+ Be very careful. Use caution.

+ Go very slow. When it comes to money with Thai women, go slow .... use caution ... and keep your mouth shut!

Amen.

Wise words.

[Transporter]

None of them are bar girls but they are all for sale by their mothers.

You are obviously of the self informed variety. It is not selling their child. It is a dowry. If the girl stays and looks after her family she is an asset to that family. If you take her away you have to pay for their loss. She will be looking after you instead after all so pay up!

[misterphil]

Just use common sense. And your own emotions. Mom

Has no social security. If you send her $100 a month is that comfortable? Or must ask your girl about why need to give money. Be up front. You can say no you won't support. She does not have money saved?

Thais dont know how to save and those that are rich enough dont have too.

[Transporter]

How old is she? What's her educational background? Does she have children? How wealthy is the family?

she''s approaching 40, got a degree from Ramkemheng, her dad passed away when she was young, her 2 brothers aren't as well educated, I wouldn't describe them as rich or high so, just an ordinary work a day family, she's not got kids, not been married before (at least not admitting to it), having seen her visa application I believe that to be true.

Being almost 40 makes her value drop considerably. If she is still a virgin well then the price goes up. If she is very attractive (she must be because you love her) the price goes up. If you want to take her back to the homeland chances are she will not work ( and will join the local coffee clatching smoking gossip clubs) and you have to support her and this causes the price to go down. I would say about 50,000 bahts and a baht of gold should seal the deal. Maybe forget the gold. Just be careful I always use the rule of thumb "Never take the Thai out of Thailand" If her affection for you cools there well things could get pretty hot for you. The welfare system does not want to get stuck for your mistakes. They will come looking for you. When exposed to another culture a "Keeping up with the Jones" mentality can form. Always remember love and hate walk an awfully thin line.

disagree with all you say.

He is bang on so it sounds like you will learn the hard way.

[Transporter]

I paid 1.3 million Baht but my wife is not a bargirl and has only ever had 1 previous boyfriend. She is very very pretty, slim and is constantly mistaken for a Farrang. She could have continued her modelling and product marketing work but she met me. She was 22 years old when we met. She comes from a very decent working large family. They own lots of land and have their own businesses in Thailand and overseas. They don't ask me for anything as I paid what they wanted and that's it. If I offer extra to pay for a new motorbike or something they take it and are very grateful so I don't mind but they don't expect anything. There are no money grabbers in this family. I am one of the lucky ones but I have heard lots of bad stories usually involving bargirls.

[fang37]

I did enjoy the "pun" - sot v sod

I would never pay sin sod. All I did was pay for a new pickup, land & construction costs of a garage. I did this of my own accord - no request made.

How much is the marriage worth to you?

How important is the sin sod to your lady?

If your lady was with a Thai male, what would be the sin sod rate?

How much can you afford?

Your post-marital responsibilities?

Dies your lady know your net worth?

Have you had a discussion with her parents re the matter?

Get as much info as possible - go away for a few days - reflect.

Return - make an offer between zero B & B ininity

Get on with life

[kovaltech]

How old is she? What's her educational background? Does she have children? How wealthy is the family?

she''s approaching 40, got a degree from Ramkemheng, her dad passed away when she was young, her 2 brothers aren't as well educated, I wouldn't describe them as rich or high so, just an ordinary work a day family, she's not got kids, not been married before (at least not admitting to it), having seen her visa application I believe that to be true.

the rules of engagement...

1. buy an golden engagement ring

2. present the wedding ring with a small amount of cash, 50k would do, in presence of her daughter, to the mother and hold a small traditional engagement ceremonie..

3. set the price for the dowry and a date for wedding. if she is a caretaker of her family, and never been married, then it ranges between 100k and 300k

4. respect her Thai traditional values , the same as you would like her to respect yours in your country...

5. take care of the mother financially, same as the girlfriend did before... monthly between 3 and 6k.

follow the rules, be an happy man...

[fang37]

Finally, check the net. There is one article in particular which will answer most/all of your questions.