Broody Thai GF. Ramifications of having kids in Thailand.

[xerostar]

I love other people's kids. The best part is after I play with them, they take them home.

Having children puts tremendous pressure on a relationship. When it was just you two, you're #1. After the baby, you're relegated to #3, it's never the same. Just make sure you know that going into parenthood.

No, when you marry a Thai lady, you are already #3 after her parents and #4 if she has children from a previous marriage.

So you have to be content as #5 when the baby arrives.

You will probably have to stay in the spare bedroom for at least 6 months or more because she is not interested in you anymore, just the baby.

Could be Thai cultural tradition, I'm not sure.

[huawei]

"Reading this forum for the last couple of years it seems weighed down with people urging others not to have kids here and to run for their lives should any Thai female show any interest in marriage and kids. However there rarely appears to be an explanation of why one should be so fearful of Thai women. I have found Thai ladies away from the bar industry pleasant, courteous and generally good-hearted. Obviously there are exceptions to every rule but Thai girls are not really that different from women back home."

Way easier to have kids in Thailand are retain your assets, than to have kids in the west and retain your assets.

I would say go for it, BUT minimize her chances of making an asset grab.

So no buying a house in her name for cash.

(House in her name with home loan in her name, or condo in your name, or just rent)

I have a 4 year old son and it's great.

No need to spend vast amounts of money, hospital and health care free, school almost free, fairly safe environment, he's out in the road on his bike every day with all the other 4yos.

Schooling is very poor, that's why it's is almost free.

Good hospitals/ healthcare is very expensive....

[Darkknight666]

As she if your GF and not your wife that would pretty much answer the question for me and I would not even consider it. You can be sure her friends, family, and everyone else she talks to has all ready schooled her well into what it might mean for her and the advantages thereof. As was said above, the lack of years together makes this very problematical at best IMO.

Do you speak Thai more or less fluently? What is your visa status? How much experience in Thailand do you have?

Important questions that need honest answers from you!

Good Luck

Agreed. One year isn't very long and on top of that you aren't married which means you have zero parental rights and your girlfriend could take you for a ride when you come seeking custody.

I wouldn't tell anyone not to marry or have children with a Thai lady, Just make sure you choose wisely and don't rush.... same as marrying any other woman around the globe.

One thing a lot of new or prospective parents don't consider is the cost of education here if you want your child to attend a decent school, they can be quite expensive and very different to what we're used to in the west.

[thaiguzzi]

Never married in Ferangland. Never had kids in Ferangland - hated 'em.

Met my Thai wife 15 years ago, lived together here for 12, officially married for 10, bore me a son nearly 10 years ago. Love him to bits, as i do her 18 year old daughter. She's 35, i'm 54, now i'm a husband, father and she's a fantastic mum. Oh yeah, and she still is a "farm girl" - would'nt want it any other way.

Good luck.

[mihalis]

Dont have a child because your partner wants one.......... Iv seen it happen and always ended badly.....

[theonetrueaussie]

Just remember NEVER get married in thailand...unless you want the possibility to lose everything. I have seen so many foreigners lose everything in thailand when it would never happen in western countries. If you want to have a kid with her go for it but always rent and never put ANYTHING in her name or her family's you are just asking for trouble. Keep in mind you are a guest in their country and will never be anything else and when it comes to court you will always lose, As long as you make sure to guard yourself there is no reason not to have a kid if that is what you want.

[NoshowJones]

I would never ask TV member's view on such matter.

Why not? There are TV members from all walks of life, who have brought up Thai kids with their Thai wife.

I don't see where you could get better advice anywhere else.

[MaeJoMTB]

"Reading this forum for the last couple of years it seems weighed down with people urging others not to have kids here and to run for their lives should any Thai female show any interest in marriage and kids. However there rarely appears to be an explanation of why one should be so fearful of Thai women. I have found Thai ladies away from the bar industry pleasant, courteous and generally good-hearted. Obviously there are exceptions to every rule but Thai girls are not really that different from women back home."

Way easier to have kids in Thailand are retain your assets, than to have kids in the west and retain your assets.

I would say go for it, BUT minimize her chances of making an asset grab.

So no buying a house in her name for cash.

(House in her name with home loan in her name, or condo in your name, or just rent)

I have a 4 year old son and it's great.

No need to spend vast amounts of money, hospital and health care free, school almost free, fairly safe environment, he's out in the road on his bike every day with all the other 4yos.

Schooling is very poor, that's why it's is almost free.

Good hospitals/ healthcare is very expensive....

My wife just finished the free high school, now studying for a BA in Political Science at CMU.

My stepdaughter (she isn't but we pretend she is) is in M5 at a government school in Mae Rim, doing very well with high hopes for university.

My son is in the MaeJo kindergarten, seems like a great place, almost free, air-con classrooms, swimming pool, great playground.

I would rate the Thai government schools around CM as way better than the inner city schools in the UK (where I used to teach).

All speak Thai and English approaching native speaker level (way better than most Filipinos, Germans and Nordics I meet who claim good English skills).

All use the local Thai government hospital (Nakorn Ping near Mae Rim).

I would rate the Thai government hospitals as on a par with the NHS hospitals I previously used in the UK, with better nursing (way more staff) and a lot cleaner (way more staff).

I can't fault the government schools (nearly free) mine have attended, nor can I fault the government hospitals (completely free).

How much have you used the government services?

Edited August 23, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[bazza40]

OP, you will have to commit to Thailand and your family. That means marriage will also be a topic of discussion with your GF. And at her age, she is approaching dangerous areas w.r.to medical issues like Downs' syndrome. It is a life sentence to be bringing up a handicapped child. Insist on amniocentesis.

Parenthood is a hell of a lot of responsibility, and it's the only process where the practitioners are completely unskilled.

MaeJoMTB's comments concerning assets make a lot of sense. While you are responsible for child support, that's no reason to hand over the keys to the treasury.

[HughJass]

What would Vyvyan say?..............

[RGW43]

My connection to my thai wife got better and stronger after we had a child. I love it full stop. Yes, you are not number one anymore, but now we have a stronger bond and a wonderful child. You wont regret it.

[smotherb]

Okay points to consider have been touted throughout the forum in Archives, he ones I most think are revelent are here:

• If you are not married, why pro-create, the kid wqill wiond up with an ansentee father if you lose your job and return home
• If not maried - Why Not??
• If she is the one that wants kids, and you do not, then there must be an ulterior motive - a way of holding on to you, an anchor, family pressure to secure financial freedom for the family.
• Sin Sod for the parents if & when you marry - you must realize, "in the old days, an somtimes in the new" engagements in Thailand would last years, and I mean years, not months or as one poster put it "weeks"
• If you say you are not ready for children, Thai women will take themselves off birth control without you knowing to get pregnant - their thought knowledge is - If I have a baby with him, then he will marry me. If you don't, they will say "Now I have to kill myself, I can't go home, my family will disown me, I will have to be a prostitute because no one will marry me with someone elses baby etc etc etc.
• I cold be wrong, but "Are there exceptions to every rule?? Some say yes, I say Believe me, over 40 years asociated with Thailand, I have seen/heard it all. Have know Flungs married or not with kids to bar girl Thai wives - Hi-So Thai wives, Isaan, Pattani and Chiang Mai ladies..........all same same no difference, they have the same mind set.
• Take the above for wha its worth to you, but remember while making up your mind - "Wrap that Rascal" or ensure you see her taking her pill everyday, because a baby in their mind is the easiest way to trap a Fuhlung.

You may be the perfect example of why longevity does not necessarily mean knowledge. Let me comment on your statements:

• Only deadbeat scumbag fathers will knowingly abandon their children
• I think you meant to say, “If married”
• Ulterior motive, yeah, she may want children
• Neither sin sod nor long engagements are mandatory
• You lump all Thai women into the same bag, some may wait until their mate is ready
• Yes, you could be wrong, over 48 years for me, and I don’t think all Thai ladies are the same
• That last statement may be as true for all women as it is for Thais

[huawei]

"Reading this forum for the last couple of years it seems weighed down with people urging others not to have kids here and to run for their lives should any Thai female show any interest in marriage and kids. However there rarely appears to be an explanation of why one should be so fearful of Thai women. I have found Thai ladies away from the bar industry pleasant, courteous and generally good-hearted. Obviously there are exceptions to every rule but Thai girls are not really that different from women back home."

Way easier to have kids in Thailand are retain your assets, than to have kids in the west and retain your assets.

I would say go for it, BUT minimize her chances of making an asset grab.

So no buying a house in her name for cash.

(House in her name with home loan in her name, or condo in your name, or just rent)

I have a 4 year old son and it's great.

No need to spend vast amounts of money, hospital and health care free, school almost free, fairly safe environment, he's out in the road on his bike every day with all the other 4yos.

Schooling is very poor, that's why it's is almost free.

Good hospitals/ healthcare is very expensive....

My wife just finished the free high school, now studying for a BA in Political Science at CMU.

My stepdaughter (she isn't but we pretend she is) is in M5 at a government school in Mae Rim, doing very well with high hopes for university.

My son is in the MaeJo kindergarten, seems like a great place, almost free, air-con classrooms, swimming pool, great playground.

I would rate the Thai government schools around CM as way better than the inner city schools in the UK (where I used to teach).

All speak Thai and English approaching native speaker level (way better than most Filipinos, Germans and Nordics I meet who claim good English skills).

All use the local Thai government hospital (Nakorn Ping near Mae Rim).

I would rate the Thai government hospitals as on a par with the NHS hospitals I previously used in the UK, with better nursing (way more staff) and a lot cleaner (way more staff).

I can't fault the government schools (nearly free) mine have attended, nor can I fault the government hospitals (completely free).

How much have you used the government services?

Before you even knew Thailand existed, especially the exposure to the schools, these are not just my experiences but the many friends I have had here. Those who have stayed those who have gone abroad etc..have witnessed how the kids develop ..

I won't get into a discussion with you, but you have the opportunity to provide a better education for your child in the UK..

No fail policy..if you have money they will take you at university ( non international departments )..not a problem.

Don't get seriously ill and use a government hospital..my neighbour who lives both near me in bkk and in Chiangmai had her hip replacement done in bkk privately..refused to have a kids go to school there also..sent them to oz.

[Rumblecat]

BBWs post is entirely pointless, the outcome of any marriage and children is a complete random lottery.

Knew my Thai lady 2 weeks before marriage, we couldn't communicate at all, she's half my age, married nearly 6 years now.

In the UK, knew my English lady 2 years before marriage, after 30 years she attempted to strip me bare, with a judges assistance.

Entirely random!

Wait, I want to hear about the 2 weeks before marriage one. Genuine question- not trying to trick you- but how did that happen, knowing only someone for two weeks and not even being able to talk to them, and therefore deciding to get married. It sounds like there's quite a tale behind that.

[Walter Travolta]

My girlfriend is much younger and has spoke about marriage and a child some day so I have been thinking about this for a long time. I have many farang friends who have Thai kids and some who brought their farang families here from their country. Some live in the city and have access to international schools and and always saying how expensive kids are and not to have unless you can afford. Others live in the country and the cost is rarely mentioned but problems with the upbringing of the children seem to be the main topic, kids riding motorbikes with no helmet, being spoiled by grandparents, worried about dog and bug bites, etc.... Some of the country guys bitch about the education in the country but I think most are bringing up their kids as normal Thais and not Ivey league.

Many factors to look at but education and finances are major if you want to bring up your kids to be basically a farang. If you can accept that your kids can go to normal Thai schools and grow up as a Thai then I think it will be a different mindset, I think more relaxed in some ways but worrisome in others.

However you look at it there will be difficulties that you would not normally have in your home country.

Don't over think matters. One of the main considerations is money. If you're there full time well that's another bonus. I'm not there full time so my 3 yr. old is raised as any other kid in the deep Issan. She was carried in one hand on the motorbike, rode standing up holding handle bars on motorbike at a very early age. Never used a car seat,

I'll not be sending her to international schools but when I stay in Thailand full time in a few years we will relocate to an area that has an English Program School. She's treated no differently than any other kid in the village. She knows she's a farang, she's now become my thai teacher. She plays non stop with all the kids on the small soi. I joke with her mom and say when she grows up she can sell som tam. I want a good education for her but not obcessed with it. I don't teach her western style of eating, her potty training was definitely not western style.

Agree with your comments. I was going through the thread and everyone seems to be obsessed with money, loyalty, taking child back to dads country for better schooling etc!!??

Why cant a child be born in Isaan and enjoy a happy, simple life instead of having all these pressures thrown at it? After all, I dont think amy of you falangs moved to Isaan in the 1st place to get a Uni education or go to a 9-5 office job in your 3 piece pin-stripe suit!!!

I wander how people survived in the Thai year 2058 or even 1358!! Jeeez

[Walter Travolta]

To the OP . . .

If you think having a child would be a good thing, then go for it. I am 2 years older than you and have considered it if I got the opportunity but consider a few things

1) Could there be a chance as things stand now that you could seperate? Not good for the child being fatherless

2) Does your girlfriend see the biological clock ticking

3) How will you feel at 55 or even 60 when the child is 10 or even worse, 15 and maybe a troublesome teenager?

I have 1 son and it is the best thing that ever happened in my life, so yes, I would consider it again but think about the future rather than the here and now

[MauiSteveBKK]

Communicate.

Talk about this with your GF.

Make sure you're both on the same page.

Talk about finances, raising the child, education, in-laws, etc.

If you have differences with discipline, talk about it.

Go over every single aspect of raising a child.

It's no different than the USA or Europe or anywhere ... where two people try to raise a child.

My Ex-USA wife of 20 years was "drastically" different from how I wanted to raise our only child together.

Just work through the issues ... you can never ever talk too much to your GF about this.

Oh ... And ignore about 95% of what people say here.

[Walter Travolta]

Communicate.

Talk about this with your GF.

Make sure you're both on the same page.

Talk about finances, raising the child, education, in-laws, etc.

If you have differences with discipline, talk about it.

Go over every single aspect of raising a child.

It's no different than the USA or Europe or anywhere ... where two people try to raise a child.

My Ex-USA wife of 20 years was "drastically" different from how I wanted to raise our only child together.

Just work through the issues ... you can never ever talk too much to your GF about this.

Oh ... And ignore about 95% of what people say here.

You being in that 95%

Yankee arrogance rears it's head again

[micmichd]

You will need a permanent income to raise the child, 65kb a month should be enough if you cut down your lifestyle a bit. You will also need money for the time your gf can't work due to pregnancy or motherhood. Talk with the ladies in your gf's community, including her mother, if you need a nanny.

Expect some initial investments to be made, whether you call it sin sod or not. My personal experience is that those investments pay back if you don't run away.

[BigC]

IMO a one year relationship is not long enough to see a Thai lady's true heart.

"success" in having a child in Thailand depends on your expectations and on the lady's capabilities.

If your lady is an uneducated farm girl, chances are she won't be able to raise the child to your standards, and you will have to take charge.

Having a kid in Thailand can be expensive

No government benefits

Have to pay for execution can be very expensive for normally education

I pay 150 k per year

Then Inssurance for health

Just make sure you have enough resources first

I am going to for vasectomy because I simply cannot afford another kid

[MaeJoMTB]

BBWs post is entirely pointless, the outcome of any marriage and children is a complete random lottery.

Knew my Thai lady 2 weeks before marriage, we couldn't communicate at all, she's half my age, married nearly 6 years now.

In the UK, knew my English lady 2 years before marriage, after 30 years she attempted to strip me bare, with a judges assistance.

Entirely random!

Wait, I want to hear about the 2 weeks before marriage one. Genuine question- not trying to trick you- but how did that happen, knowing only someone for two weeks and not even being able to talk to them, and therefore deciding to get married. It sounds like there's quite a tale behind that.

I was wanting to have children, but didn't have a wife, mentioned it to a few friends, her mum brought her round (with a translator).

A deal was worked out. Fairly normal in Asia, but a bit odd to us.

[micmichd]

Good idea, I did the same. Vasectomy is the safest kind of birth control.

[thaiguzzi]

Just remember NEVER get married in thailand...unless you want the possibility to lose everything. I have seen so many foreigners lose everything in thailand when it would never happen in western countries. If you want to have a kid with her go for it but always rent and never put ANYTHING in her name or her family's you are just asking for trouble. Keep in mind you are a guest in their country and will never be anything else and when it comes to court you will always lose, As long as you make sure to guard yourself there is no reason not to have a kid if that is what you want.

Absolute Bullshlt!

It's the West that takes a man to the cleaners in divorce courts, especially when kids are involved.

[MyFriend You]

Good idea, I did the same. Vasectomy is the safest kind of birth control.

I did the same ting when I turned 40, Retirted from the Army and figured with my lifestyle, I didn't ant any accidental kids...........have been accused a few times since but when tests come out baren, shuts them right up.

[Straight8]

I love other people's kids. The best part is after I play with them, they take them home.

Having children puts tremendous pressure on a relationship. When it was just you two, you're #1. After the baby, you're relegated to #3, it's never the same. Just make sure you know that going into parenthood.

I get what you're saying when you say "When it was just you two, you're #1" & it really should be that way, both ways,however that definitely doesn't apply here in Thailand for the majority of farang/thai relationship.. #1.. not a hope in hell [even whens its just the two of you] .... No #3, considering the kid, mama and papa would always rank above you, consider your lucky if you ever make it as high as No 4.

[BV70]

To the OP . . .

If you think having a child would be a good thing, then go for it. I am 2 years older than you and have considered it if I got the opportunity but consider a few things

1) Could there be a chance as things stand now that you could seperate? Not good for the child being fatherless

2) Does your girlfriend see the biological clock ticking

3) How will you feel at 55 or even 60 when the child is 10 or even worse, 15 and maybe a troublesome teenager?

I have 1 son and it is the best thing that ever happened in my life, so yes, I would consider it again but think about the future rather than the here and now

Aah... A fresh breath of positivity. Thanks.

To answer your questions:

1. Every chance. This is life and any relationship can turn sour over time. I'm aware that this could potentially mean any future child is taken away and future access limited.

2. Absolutely. This is driving things. Plus, at 45, this is probably my last chance to have kids. She also wants marriage but having a kid is priority for her. In so much as she's said, if I don't then to say so. I feel this would break her heart and the relationship will then end.

3. Good question. I don't have a crystal ball. I feel through my own upbringing that I have steady principles and morals that would suit parenting but who can tell?

[MaeJoMTB]

2. Absolutely. This is driving things. Plus, at 45, this is probably my last chance to have kids. She also wants marriage but having a kid is priority for her. In so much as she's said, if I don't then to say so. I feel this would break her heart and the relationship will then end.

Nah, you've got years left in you, I had more kids at age 44,46 and 56.

Still looking forward to a few more.

[BV70]

2. Absolutely. This is driving things. Plus, at 45, this is probably my last chance to have kids. She also wants marriage but having a kid is priority for her. In so much as she's said, if I don't then to say so. I feel this would break her heart and the relationship will then end.

Nah, you've got years left in you, I had more kids at age 44,46 and 56.

Still looking forward to a few more.

Realistically though, how active can one expect to be in their 60s with a new kid and the energy they burn up every day. Surely parents want an active part in their growing up?

[MaeJoMTB]

2. Absolutely. This is driving things. Plus, at 45, this is probably my last chance to have kids. She also wants marriage but having a kid is priority for her. In so much as she's said, if I don't then to say so. I feel this would break her heart and the relationship will then end.

Nah, you've got years left in you, I had more kids at age 44,46 and 56.

Still looking forward to a few more.

Realistically though, how active can one expect to be in their 60s with a new kid and the energy they burn up every day. Surely parents want an active part in their growing up?

The kids I had in my 30s, I was too busy working to play any part in their lives (didn't see them again after divorce).

The kids I had in my 40s, I spent loads of time with as a retired househusband (but never saw them again after divorce either).

Now I'm 60, much the same, after school he's out to the shops on the scooter with me.

Not to mention their mother's were always around, I always managed to provide enough so they didn't work.

When I were a lad, most of us didn't see our dad's much, they were always working too.

Two parents always with their kid's ....... Hollywood fiction.

50% of children with divorced parents (25% of all children) never see their dad again after the divorce (UK stats.)

Edited August 24, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[nontabury]

My girlfriend is much younger and has spoke about marriage and a child some day so I have been thinking about this for a long time. I have many farang friends who have Thai kids and some who brought their farang families here from their country. Some live in the city and have access to international schools and and always saying how expensive kids are and not to have unless you can afford. Others live in the country and the cost is rarely mentioned but problems with the upbringing of the children seem to be the main topic, kids riding motorbikes with no helmet, being spoiled by grandparents, worried about dog and bug bites, etc.... Some of the country guys bitch about the education in the country but I think most are bringing up their kids as normal Thais and not Ivey league.

Many factors to look at but education and finances are major if you want to bring up your kids to be basically a farang. If you can accept that your kids can go to normal Thai schools and grow up as a Thai then I think it will be a different mindset, I think more relaxed in some ways but worrisome in others.

However you look at it there will be difficulties that you would not normally have in your home country.

Don't over think matters. One of the main considerations is money. If you're there full time well that's another bonus. I'm not there full time so my 3 yr. old is raised as any other kid in the deep Issan. She was carried in one hand on the motorbike, rode standing up holding handle bars on motorbike at a very early age. Never used a car seat,

I'll not be sending her to international schools but when I stay in Thailand full time in a few years we will relocate to an area that has an English Program School. She's treated no differently than any other kid in the village. She knows she's a farang, she's now become my thai teacher. She plays non stop with all the kids on the small soi. I joke with her mom and say when she grows up she can sell som tam. I want a good education for her but not obcessed with it. I don't teach her western style of eating, her potty training was definitely not western style.

Agree with your comments. I was going through the thread and everyone seems to be obsessed with money, loyalty, taking child back to dads country for better schooling etc!!??

Why cant a child be born in Isaan and enjoy a happy, simple life instead of having all these pressures thrown at it? After all, I dont think amy of you falangs moved to Isaan in the 1st place to get a Uni education or go to a 9-5 office job in your 3 piece pin-stripe suit!!!

I wander how people survived in the Thai year 2058 or even 1358!! Jeeez

In a ideal world you could be right. However if you want to make sure YOU'r child does not turn out a deadbeat, working in the hot fields,building sites or m/bike taxi driver,bar girl etc, you do have to think of his/her future,and in Thailand this takes money. Personally I have sufficient funds to provide for my children's future here in Thailand,if not, I would not hesitate to return to my home country.