Need Wedding Ceremony Advice (non religious) - Udon Thani Area

[Orac]

We were married closer to Bueng Kan ten years or so ago. The family didn't want anything lavish so it was done at home, no monks. What I enjoyed was the funny little things they do. Tying us up with string, shoving boiled eggs into our mouths, all the food and weaved banana leaf things they made with little flowers attached. It didn't cost much but was one of the happiest days of our lives.

Same here - no monks for wedding ceremony in Kong Khai for me. Have seen one or two where house blessings and weddings were done at the same time and monks were on hand and after someone dies before the burning but very rare for monks to be present at just weddings in the area I have attended.

[maidee]

100 - 200k for face worth ?

[martin26]

Most villages will have a headman or a village elder who will perform a ceremony for you. Village weddings can be very cheap but can also be very expensive up to you?. Many village girls consider this wedding more important than the legal one

[elgordo38]

From what she tells me about a Thai wedding - she says that has a lot of people and involves me giving out money (which I do not have at all) - so she said a Thai wedding is probably not good for me.

Cracks are starting to appear on the financial front when she talks lots of people(you will pick up the tab) and giving out money to people to LOTS of people is the clincher. She is caught in the culture trap and wants to put on a big show for herself and her parents at your expense. Before you got to the marriage point you should have both sat down and discussed what you and she expect from each other emotionally and financially. This is what I did with my g/f of 4 years and it has worked beautifully. She is now leading you into a financial mine field. Slam on the brakes and sit her down and talk matters out NOW before things get worse. You say your funds are limited but Thai ladies in most cases do not understand limited. Never divulge your assets and from time to time appear to be concerned about financial matters. Once you open the money spigot it never stops and if it stops she will be gone.

[mankondang]

I'm going through the process of a Thai wedding Ceremony in Lanna Tradition (North Thailand) your's may differ in Issan.

Taking your point and financial situation, lets forget the Sinsot, the Sinsot Gold and the Wedding Party (The reception dinner), the actual wedding ceremony is a Buddhist ceremony. You say you do not believe in any religion of such, and that's OK, but what about your wife. My future wife does NOT want an official, international approved, ampur office wedding (The Thais call this a paper marriage, as you both sign the official paper certificate of marriage which you have already done).

If you do not have to pay her family the Sinsot money, or give her any Sinsot Gold, that only leaves the actual Buddhist ceremony and the reception party.

1st, The Buddhist Ceremony, with me it takes place early in the morning, 07:00 am, and goes for approx 2 hours, you pay the monks a small fee, depending on the number attending (Thais like odd numbers, 3, 5, 7, and the luckiest 9 monks) after the Buddhist ceremony the monks eat first followed by the invited guests and local elders. This food can be cooked be her family and the cost is again minimum.

After the Buddhist monks leave the invited local elders will make a ceremony inc placing a white string around you both, followed by a Bed ceremony (If that applies in Issan). This is not a money spinner for you.

Now the wedding party takes place in the evening, in Lanna, everyone who wishes to attend can do so. You provide food and drink and entertainment at her home or at a local hall, restaurant or where ever. This is NOT compulsory, BUT bare in mind, everyone that does attend brings with them a sealed envelope with their names written on it and MONEY inside it. This money will normally cover the cost of the party.

In your case, you do NOT wish a Buddhist ceremony, so maybe the local elders can perform their part, and you can take whom you wish out to party in the evening. This is dead cheap for you. But there is a downfall. If you do not undertake and show her locals the Sinsot money, the Sinsot Gold, have monks bless the marriage and leave out the party, then you will bring shame on her and her family, and you will be cast as a Farang Kii Nok, (Farang Bird Shit literally) i.e. a Cheapskate. That's all up to you.

For further advise please Google 1, Don's Life in Thailand and select Wedding. 2. Thai weddings; 3. Thai Issan weddings.

All the best and congratulations.

[sead]

Tell her what you can afford. Let her do what she want with that budget. Stretch that budget a bit for this one time occasions. Relax and enjoy.

[thaibeachlovers]

read slowly- THERE IS NO REQUIREMENT TO HAVE ANY SORT OF FUNCTION AT ALL. You are already married and don't need to do anything. If your wife insists, agree, but ask her to pay for it.

If you want a cheap affair, she can have a few friends around and cook for them herself.

End of story.

[thaibeachlovers]

I'm going through the process of a Thai wedding Ceremony in Lanna Tradition (North Thailand) your's may differ in Issan.

Taking your point and financial situation, lets forget the Sinsot, the Sinsot Gold and the Wedding Party (The reception dinner), the actual wedding ceremony is a Buddhist ceremony. You say you do not believe in any religion of such, and that's OK, but what about your wife. My future wife does NOT want an official, international approved, ampur office wedding (The Thais call this a paper marriage, as you both sign the official paper certificate of marriage which you have already done).

If you do not have to pay her family the Sinsot money, or give her any Sinsot Gold, that only leaves the actual Buddhist ceremony and the reception party.

1st, The Buddhist Ceremony, with me it takes place early in the morning, 07:00 am, and goes for approx 2 hours, you pay the monks a small fee, depending on the number attending (Thais like odd numbers, 3, 5, 7, and the luckiest 9 monks) after the Buddhist ceremony the monks eat first followed by the invited guests and local elders. This food can be cooked be her family and the cost is again minimum.

After the Buddhist monks leave the invited local elders will make a ceremony inc placing a white string around you both, followed by a Bed ceremony (If that applies in Issan). This is not a money spinner for you.

Now the wedding party takes place in the evening, in Lanna, everyone who wishes to attend can do so. You provide food and drink and entertainment at her home or at a local hall, restaurant or where ever. This is NOT compulsory, BUT bare in mind, everyone that does attend brings with them a sealed envelope with their names written on it and MONEY inside it. This money will normally cover the cost of the party.

In your case, you do NOT wish a Buddhist ceremony, so maybe the local elders can perform their part, and you can take whom you wish out to party in the evening. This is dead cheap for you. But there is a downfall. If you do not undertake and show her locals the Sinsot money, the Sinsot Gold, have monks bless the marriage and leave out the party, then you will bring shame on her and her family, and you will be cast as a Farang Kii Nok, (Farang Bird Shit literally) i.e. a Cheapskate. That's all up to you.

For further advise please Google 1, Don's Life in Thailand and select Wedding. 2. Thai weddings; 3. Thai Issan weddings.

All the best and congratulations.

I'd rather be a Farang kii nok than give my Thai family that expected an ATM and don't care about me anything. Hopefully, we will be moving far away from them next year.

Actually there is one nephew that is OK to have around, but he never visits, while the ratbag does a lot. I think he does it to P me O.

[smotherb]

Why not just book a table for 10 at some cheap restaurant in town and go for it.

Registering the marriage at the Amphur is already done ........ so just a western style gathering ...

The best idea so far. At the restaurant, have one of her closest friends say something about the two of you; and one of yours do likewise. A few drinks, a good meal, and some laughs ought to be a memorable occasion.

[smotherb]

I'm going through the process of a Thai wedding Ceremony in Lanna Tradition (North Thailand) your's may differ in Issan.

Taking your point and financial situation, lets forget the Sinsot, the Sinsot Gold and the Wedding Party (The reception dinner), the actual wedding ceremony is a Buddhist ceremony. You say you do not believe in any religion of such, and that's OK, but what about your wife. My future wife does NOT want an official, international approved, ampur office wedding (The Thais call this a paper marriage, as you both sign the official paper certificate of marriage which you have already done).

If you do not have to pay her family the Sinsot money, or give her any Sinsot Gold, that only leaves the actual Buddhist ceremony and the reception party.

1st, The Buddhist Ceremony, with me it takes place early in the morning, 07:00 am, and goes for approx 2 hours, you pay the monks a small fee, depending on the number attending (Thais like odd numbers, 3, 5, 7, and the luckiest 9 monks) after the Buddhist ceremony the monks eat first followed by the invited guests and local elders. This food can be cooked be her family and the cost is again minimum.

After the Buddhist monks leave the invited local elders will make a ceremony inc placing a white string around you both, followed by a Bed ceremony (If that applies in Issan). This is not a money spinner for you.

Now the wedding party takes place in the evening, in Lanna, everyone who wishes to attend can do so. You provide food and drink and entertainment at her home or at a local hall, restaurant or where ever. This is NOT compulsory, BUT bare in mind, everyone that does attend brings with them a sealed envelope with their names written on it and MONEY inside it. This money will normally cover the cost of the party.

In your case, you do NOT wish a Buddhist ceremony, so maybe the local elders can perform their part, and you can take whom you wish out to party in the evening. This is dead cheap for you. But there is a downfall. If you do not undertake and show her locals the Sinsot money, the Sinsot Gold, have monks bless the marriage and leave out the party, then you will bring shame on her and her family, and you will be cast as a Farang Kii Nok, (Farang Bird Shit literally) i.e. a Cheapskate. That's all up to you.

For further advise please Google 1, Don's Life in Thailand and select Wedding. 2. Thai weddings; 3. Thai Issan weddings.

All the best and congratulations.

Well, that's not what he asked for, but you have a point to satisfy the wife. Why not let her arrange it? Just give her what you can afford, and have her put it together.

[Tassie Norm]

You're marriage is recognized both locally and in the U.S. As is mine (exception being Oz). I'm a touch confused about the need for a 'local' celebration. Presumably you and your wife discussed such matters prior to tying the knot. No probs, if you and the bride want a symbolic ceremony, set a date, put on the tucker, buy some booze, and you'll have heaps of local folks happy to do 'pukan' (string around wrist). Not too expensive (well.....) Also would be of interest to your visiting farang. Hope this assists.

[swissie]

Setting priorities. OP, receiving USD 900 per month will be slightly short of the required Bht 40.000 per month income-wise to qualify for a "Marriage-Visa". (Given current exchange-rate USD/Baht).

So, dwelling over "low cost marriage ceremony" to please the wife, seems to me of minor importance as far as the OP is concerned.

Above all: Has OP openly and honestly disclosed his financial circumstances to wife & family in no uncertain terms?

Cheers.

[MaeJoMTB]

Why bother .............

Buying food for a load of people who hate you because you're a 'rich foreigner'.

Learn to say "No", of if you're a bit weak or overly polite, learn to say "Maybe next month".

[lopburi3]

Setting priorities. OP, receiving USD 900 per month will be slightly short of the required Bht 40.000 per month income-wise to qualify for a "Marriage-Visa". (Given current exchange-rate USD/Baht).

So, dwelling over "low cost marriage ceremony" to please the wife, seems to me of minor importance as far as the OP is concerned.

Above all: Has OP openly and honestly disclosed his financial circumstances to wife & family in no uncertain terms?

Cheers.

Again - 40k per month or 400k in bank account is required for one year extensions of stay from immigration inside Thailand. It is not required for the non immigrant O visa issued to those married to a Thai, which allow up to 90 days stay on each entry; and these stays actually can be extended 60 days.

[ozyjon]

You rent the costumes have a party, the monk

in our case head of village leader / monk gets

drunk, says a speech, make sure everyone is

drunk, quite strange as i'm not a drinker, then

it's all over.

[biplanebluey]

I think you should not have got married.I have not heard of a Thai wife who is satisfied to stay at home cooking and doing the washing for the rest of her life.I am not trying to be unkind but I am worried about your finances in the future.wives are always on the "want" and it is difficult to keep saying NO without finally having a drastic outcome.Think carefully as to what is ahead my friend----and good luck

[elliss]

Tell her what you can afford. Let her do what she want with that budget. Stretch that budget a bit for this one time occasions. Relax and enjoy.

Good point , The cost of a marriage, is directly related to the age of your future wife

Under 25 painful ,unless you are a old fart on pensions.

25 / 30 years of age costly ,maybe a wedding reception @ KFC, that will do nicely .

Age , over 30 free.

Edited September 22, 2015 by elliss

[NeverSure]

I think you should not have got married.I have not heard of a Thai wife who is satisfied to stay at home cooking and doing the washing for the rest of her life.I am not trying to be unkind but I am worried about your finances in the future.wives are always on the "want" and it is difficult to keep saying NO without finally having a drastic outcome.Think carefully as to what is ahead my friend----and good luck

I think that horse has already left the barn. I agree and I wouldn't try to live in Thailand on $900 per month and no savings if I was single. That simply leaves no wiggle room if things go tits up. Now she wants a wedding and he's just going to have to tell her how the cow ate the cabbage, and in no uncertain terms.

She's either in for the long haul as things are, or...

[DILLIGAD]

The "non religious" request stumps me. Is that your idea or hers?

Some type of basic Mumbo jumbo is required to be traditional for HER.

If not, just organise a cheap meal for friends and call it whatever you (both) want.

[williet98248]

Go on the internet and look up wedding ceremonies. You will have a wide selection of secular wedding ceremonies available to you. Pick or assemble one to suit and have a Farang friend act as the wedding celebrant and read it out for the two of you. Pick a Maid of Honor and a Best Man to stand up with you (or not) and do the whole thing. No religious readings necessary. Take everyone to a moderately priced restaurant for the party after. Or not. Up to you.

In reply to the responders who "say just have a party"; not the same thing. Thousands of people come to Thailand every year to get married in a symbolic ceremony in which they want to stand up in front of their friends and relatives to proclaim their love and faithfulness to each other in a public display. Most are already legally married or will go to the registry office when they get home. A small percentage will perform a legal ceremony here.

I once performed a secular wedding ceremony for an Aussie couple at the overlook in the south of Phuket. She came from OZ land and he came from Afghanistan where he was stationed in the Aussie army. They had no friends or relatives attending so I just went through the tourists standing around; "you will be the Best man, you will be the Maid of Honor, you will take photos with her camera, the rest of you will be the guests". Had a great wedding and not a dry eye in the place. The couple had a few days together before he went back to Afghanistan and she returned to Australia. I was honored to perform the ceremony for them. I assume that if he survived his tour that they got legally married when he returned to Australia. But meanwhile they had proclaimed their fidelity and love for each other in a public forum and were comforted in their separation.

[williet98248]

The "non religious" request stumps me. Is that your idea or hers?

Some type of basic Mumbo jumbo is required to be traditional for HER.

If not, just organise a cheap meal for friends and call it whatever you (both) want.

'Mumbo Jumbo' doesn't have to be religious. Plenty of marriage ceremonies that have absolutely no reference to religion. A wedding doesn't have to be religious to be valid; the validity is the legal registration. Many 'mixed' couples will have two ceremonies, a Bhuddist ceremony for her and her relatives/friends and a western style secular or religious ceremony for him and his guests. I have seen cases where couples will have three or four weddings to satisfy everyone.

Re. Who's idea; Sounds like the wife is in agreement that a traditional Thai wedding will be relatively expensive in that they will have to hire the monks, pay for the food to feed everyone, etc.

[beachproperty]

OP....You've got 8 people who will attend ....maybe (3 from US?????)....this is obviously for your wife's benefit. The small price you will pay for this ceremony will make her happy....Happy Wife...Happy Life!

Said it before will say it again....Get a local monk to come to your home (it is not expensive! Maybe a 1000 baht donation...explain your cirsumstances ...the monks understand and are very flexible). Having a monk bless your ceremony is not a "Religous thing" ....Budhism is not a religion...its just a way of life!

Then have your wife and the Thai guests prepare food for the party. (cost of food maybe 2000 baht max...5 to maybe 8 people plus the monk/monks)

Buy a couple of bottles of Benmore/Song Sam (another 1000 baht)

Dress for your wife....cost??????

Can't get any cheaper than that!.....Have a good time!

Edited September 23, 2015 by beachproperty

[thaibeachlovers]

Go on the internet and look up wedding ceremonies. You will have a wide selection of secular wedding ceremonies available to you. Pick or assemble one to suit and have a Farang friend act as the wedding celebrant and read it out for the two of you. Pick a Maid of Honor and a Best Man to stand up with you (or not) and do the whole thing. No religious readings necessary. Take everyone to a moderately priced restaurant for the party after. Or not. Up to you.

In reply to the responders who "say just have a party"; not the same thing. Thousands of people come to Thailand every year to get married in a symbolic ceremony in which they want to stand up in front of their friends and relatives to proclaim their love and faithfulness to each other in a public display. Most are already legally married or will go to the registry office when they get home. A small percentage will perform a legal ceremony here.

I once performed a secular wedding ceremony for an Aussie couple at the overlook in the south of Phuket. She came from OZ land and he came from Afghanistan where he was stationed in the Aussie army. They had no friends or relatives attending so I just went through the tourists standing around; "you will be the Best man, you will be the Maid of Honor, you will take photos with her camera, the rest of you will be the guests". Had a great wedding and not a dry eye in the place. The couple had a few days together before he went back to Afghanistan and she returned to Australia. I was honored to perform the ceremony for them. I assume that if he survived his tour that they got legally married when he returned to Australia. But meanwhile they had proclaimed their fidelity and love for each other in a public forum and were comforted in their separation.

Sorry, but I don't get that. If I wanted to affirm my love for my wife in a ceremony, I'd want my friends there. If my friends couldn't be there, I'd wait till I was back in my own country to have the ceremony.

As for the Thai ceremony for his wife, either he will have to pay a lot of money which he says he doesn't have, or they can just have a party/ dinner for her friends, at which they will all get pissed at his expense, and talk in Thai, usually about the farang. I refuse to go to any parties with my wife as I am terribly bored not being a big drinker and not understanding anything they say, plus I don't like being gossiped about when I can't understand what they are saying about me.

whatever, the OP needs to decide if he is going to pay a lot or a little, and the choice will be limited by that decision.

[thaibeachlovers]

OP....You've got 8 people who will attend ....maybe (3 from US?????)....this is obviously for your wife's benefit. The small price you will pay for this ceremony will make her happy....Happy Wife...Happy Life!

Said it before will say it again....Get a local monk to come to your home (it is not expensive! Maybe a 1000 baht donation...explain your cirsumstances ...the monks understand and are very flexible). Having a monk bless your ceremony is not a "Religous thing" ....Budhism is not a religion...its just a way of life!

Then have your wife and the Thai guests prepare food for the party. (cost of food maybe 2000 baht max...5 to maybe 8 people plus the monk/monks)

Buy a couple of bottles of Benmore/Song Sam (another 1000 baht)

Dress for your wife....cost??????

Can't get any cheaper than that!.....Have a good time!

If she is only happy when he spends/ gives her money, the marriage is doomed anyway. Just a matter of time.

[beachproperty]

OP....You've got 8 people who will attend ....maybe (3 from US?????)....this is obviously for your wife's benefit. The small price you will pay for this ceremony will make her happy....Happy Wife...Happy Life!

Said it before will say it again....Get a local monk to come to your home (it is not expensive! Maybe a 1000 baht donation...explain your cirsumstances ...the monks understand and are very flexible). Having a monk bless your ceremony is not a "Religous thing" ....Budhism is not a religion...its just a way of life!

Then have your wife and the Thai guests prepare food for the party. (cost of food maybe 2000 baht max...5 to maybe 8 people plus the monk/monks)

Buy a couple of bottles of Benmore/Song Sam (another 1000 baht)

Dress for your wife....cost??????

Can't get any cheaper than that!.....Have a good time!

If she is only happy when he spends/ gives her money, the marriage is doomed anyway. Just a matter of time.

It goes without saying.....Any marriage based on money is going to fail.

This may or may not be the case here....who's to say.

It seems OP's wife just wants a ceremony for the benefit of family/friends ....nothing unusual about that in Thailand. Such can be done on the "cheap" or as lavish as one wants. I have just shown HOW it can be done on the "cheap"

[sandyf]

A friend of mine did what you want a few years back and that was also in Udon Thani. From what I remember he took a small function room in a hotel and had about 30 guests, nothing religious. The hotel decorated the room,put on a meal and provided a cake. Jack did it on his own, he never mentioned anything to us until he got back to Pattaya, wanted it low key. Difficult to do it at home as everyone in the neighbourhood will want to be there.

The wife needs some sort of ceremony that will allow her parents to let family and close friends know that they approve of the marriage. I had 6 months between the Amphur and the wedding ceremony. During that time I wasn't allowed to stay in the same room as my wife at the family home, approval came with the ceremony.

[thehelmsman]

Sorry to all you guys for not having the finances that you do, but my compensation is less than $900 a month and I have paid for every single expense for both of us since I met her, and I have not complained about that. But now my savings is completely gone and all I have is the army disability compensation. So now it is strictly about living within my means, and I still pay for absolutely everything.

I would only question your decision making for deciding to get married with such a small income. Alone you can live nicely but with a wife, yeah not so much. I know, I know.....$$$$don't matter when they love you. let us know how that works out for you.

If you can't afford a decently large get to gether say 50,000 baht should cover it, then I would say wait till you can afford it.

[thaibeachlovers]

Sorry to all you guys for not having the finances that you do, but my compensation is less than $900 a month and I have paid for every single expense for both of us since I met her, and I have not complained about that. But now my savings is completely gone and all I have is the army disability compensation. So now it is strictly about living within my means, and I still pay for absolutely everything.

I would only question your decision making for deciding to get married with such a small income. Alone you can live nicely but with a wife, yeah not so much. I know, I know.....$$$$don't matter when they love you. let us know how that works out for you.

If you can't afford a decently large get to gether say 50,000 baht should cover it, then I would say wait till you can afford it.

If she cooks and her friends bring some food, wouldn't be much at all.

[elliss]

....$$$$don't matter when they love you. let us know how that works out for you.

OMG .

Take the money away , and they don't love you .

Edited September 23, 2015 by elliss

[williet98248]

Go on the internet and look up wedding ceremonies. You will have a wide selection of secular wedding ceremonies available to you. Pick or assemble one to suit and have a Farang friend act as the wedding celebrant and read it out for the two of you. Pick a Maid of Honor and a Best Man to stand up with you (or not) and do the whole thing. No religious readings necessary. Take everyone to a moderately priced restaurant for the party after. Or not. Up to you.

In reply to the responders who "say just have a party"; not the same thing. Thousands of people come to Thailand every year to get married in a symbolic ceremony in which they want to stand up in front of their friends and relatives to proclaim their love and faithfulness to each other in a public display. Most are already legally married or will go to the registry office when they get home. A small percentage will perform a legal ceremony here.

I once performed a secular wedding ceremony for an Aussie couple at the overlook in the south of Phuket. She came from OZ land and he came from Afghanistan where he was stationed in the Aussie army. They had no friends or relatives attending so I just went through the tourists standing around; "you will be the Best man, you will be the Maid of Honor, you will take photos with her camera, the rest of you will be the guests". Had a great wedding and not a dry eye in the place. The couple had a few days together before he went back to Afghanistan and she returned to Australia. I was honored to perform the ceremony for them. I assume that if he survived his tour that they got legally married when he returned to Australia. But meanwhile they had proclaimed their fidelity and love for each other in a public forum and were comforted in their separation.

Sorry, but I don't get that. If I wanted to affirm my love for my wife in a ceremony, I'd want my friends there. If my friends couldn't be there, I'd wait till I was back in my own country to have the ceremony.

As for the Thai ceremony for his wife, either he will have to pay a lot of money which he says he doesn't have, or they can just have a party/ dinner for her friends, at which they will all get pissed at his expense, and talk in Thai, usually about the farang. I refuse to go to any parties with my wife as I am terribly bored not being a big drinker and not understanding anything they say, plus I don't like being gossiped about when I can't understand what they are saying about me.

whatever, the OP needs to decide if he is going to pay a lot or a little, and the choice will be limited by that decision.

I am sorry that you don't get it. You would 'want your friends there' is just your personal preference. Many people get married just for themselves. Re. the Aussie soldier and his girl getting married with no friends or relatives. Who is to say he wouldn't be killed in Afghanistan and not ever be able to marry his girl. People are entitled to their personal preference. The formal ceremony is meaningful for them and they want to do it whether the friends and relatives are there or not. The OP and and his wife want a 'real' ceremony which is a lot different from just signing some papers and paying 200 baht. And only a few of his friends are willing to pay the expense in dollars and time to come to Thailand and he is not financially able to or does not wish to go back to his 'home country' to get married. They are affirming their love and commitment to each other. You are entitled to your own personal feelings about how you would do it but who are you to project your preferences on to other people? I stand by my original post.

If the OP reads this: Regarding your income, I wonder if you would qualify for a US Social Security disability benefit as well as your military disability pay. Check it out.