“I’m going to kill you, you're dead! Die Die!”

[ravip]

POLICE raced to a Wollstonecraft unit after reports that a man was threatening to kill a woman. But all was not as it seemed.

We’re reprinting the following report straight from the Harbourside LAC Facebook. It’s an all-time classic:

At around 2am on November 21, police received numerous calls in relation to a violent domestic, with reports of a woman screaming hysterically, a man yelling, “I’m going to kill you, you're dead! Die Die!!”, with the sounds of furniture being tossed around the unit.

Numerous police cars responded to the address and began banging on the door.

A man answered the door, out of breath and rather flushed, with the following conversation:

Police: “Where’s your wife?”

Male: “Umm, I don’t have one”

Police: “Where your girlfriend?”

Male: “Umm, I don’t have one”

Police: “We had a report of a domestic and a women screaming, where is she?”

Male: “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I live alone”

Police: “Come on mate, people clearly heard you yelling you were going to kill her and furniture getting thrown around the unit”

At this point the male became very sheepish.

Police: “Come on mate, what have you done to her?”

Male: “It was a spider”

Police “Sorry??”

Male: “It was a spider, a really big one!!”

Police: “What about the women screaming?”

Male: “Yeah, sorry, that was me, I really hate spiders.”

As it turns out the male was chasing a rather large spider around the unit with a can or Mortein. After a very long pause some laughter and a quick look in the unit to make sure there was no injured party (apart from the spider) we left.