I want to marry, but I afraid ;)

[Udoth]

A lot of potential problems for a few papers, don't do it.

I'm married with a Thai and have two daughters. I can't get rid of her, even the lawyers advice me to move away and wait for 3 years or even up to 8-9 years for the kids to grow up so they can choose themselves because I might lose them all together with almost everything I have. Even though we have two houses she wont move to the other house and doesn't want to talk about divorcing. She doesn't cook, clean, have s**, nothing. I have to work and then take care of myself. it feels like I married a parasite or a virus. If I didn't marry I could walk away now because I would have known not to buy or build or make kids since I would lose them in case of a separation.

It will keep you sharper not to marry and everything on your name is yours. After I'm hopefully rid of her within the next 10 years I will never marry again, even if I could give my life for the girl.

Let my and with me many other experiences be a warning for you.

[Kenny202]

A lot of potential problems for a few papers, don't do it.

I'm married with a Thai and have two daughters. I can't get rid of her, even the lawyers advice me to move away and wait for 3 years or even up to 8-9 years for the kids to grow up so they can choose themselves because I might lose them all together with almost everything I have. Even though we have two houses she wont move to the other house and doesn't want to talk about divorcing. She doesn't cook, clean, have s**, nothing. I have to work and then take care of myself. it feels like I married a parasite or a virus. If I didn't marry I could walk away now because I would have known not to buy or build or make kids since I would lose them in case of a separation.

It will keep you sharper not to marry and everything on your name is yours. After I'm hopefully rid of her within the next 10 years I will never marry again, even if I could give my life for the girl.

Let my and with me many other experiences be a warning for you.

this guy's story is so typical. These girls do a 180 degree turn in personality, sometimes after years and usually when she's maxed out what she thinks she can get from you. No regard for kids having a father or not. Do not do it unless you have nothing. Then it may be advantageous to marry.

[meatboy]

A lot of potential problems for a few papers, don't do it.

I'm married with a Thai and have two daughters. I can't get rid of her, even the lawyers advice me to move away and wait for 3 years or even up to 8-9 years for the kids to grow up so they can choose themselves because I might lose them all together with almost everything I have. Even though we have two houses she wont move to the other house and doesn't want to talk about divorcing. She doesn't cook, clean, have s**, nothing. I have to work and then take care of myself. it feels like I married a parasite or a virus. If I didn't marry I could walk away now because I would have known not to buy or build or make kids since I would lose them in case of a separation.

It will keep you sharper not to marry and everything on your name is yours. After I'm hopefully rid of her within the next 10 years I will never marry again, even if I could give my life for the girl.

Let my and with me many other experiences be a warning for you.

this guy's story is so typical. These girls do a 180 degree turn in personality, sometimes after years and usually when she's maxed out what she thinks she can get from you. No regard for kids having a father or not. Do not do it unless you have nothing. Then it may be advantageous to marry.

geeeeeeeeeeeee i must be one of the lucky ones. i love my dog,my wife[25yrs] and my life.happy as a pig in shit.

hi K202 have you moved down our way yet?

[Henryford]

Be afraid, be very afraid.

[Kenny202]

A lot of potential problems for a few papers, don't do it.

I'm married with a Thai and have two daughters. I can't get rid of her, even the lawyers advice me to move away and wait for 3 years or even up to 8-9 years for the kids to grow up so they can choose themselves because I might lose them all together with almost everything I have. Even though we have two houses she wont move to the other house and doesn't want to talk about divorcing. She doesn't cook, clean, have s**, nothing. I have to work and then take care of myself. it feels like I married a parasite or a virus. If I didn't marry I could walk away now because I would have known not to buy or build or make kids since I would lose them in case of a separation.

It will keep you sharper not to marry and everything on your name is yours. After I'm hopefully rid of her within the next 10 years I will never marry again, even if I could give my life for the girl.

Let my and with me many other experiences be a warning for you.

this guy's story is so typical. These girls do a 180 degree turn in personality, sometimes after years and usually when she's maxed out what she thinks she can get from you. No regard for kids having a father or not. Do not do it unless you have nothing. Then it may be advantageous to marry.

geeeeeeeeeeeee i must be one of the lucky ones. i love my dog,my wife[25yrs] and my life.happy as a pig in shit.

hi K202 have you moved down our way yet?

We ended up getting a reasonable place in Khon kaen mate. Jesus has anyone used a removalist here! No Trolley, no ramps, no tie downs. Remarkably looks like our stuff got here ok

[ableguy]

Get a polish bird, they look much better.

I don't think so.

[bwpage3]

If you are thinking about divorce before you are even married! She is not the ONE.

If you love each other and know it is meant to be, divorce shouldn't be anywhere near a thought in your head.

That's just not true. Blind faith. I've been deeply in love twice, totally sure of everything and ended in divorce. People change. You have a lot more than her I assume, get a pre nup or better still avoid marriage

The common denominator in the divorce is you.

You give advice like the scorned ex-husband that you now are.

Maybe you should evaluate yourself before giving marriage advice.

[cobbler]

If you are thinking about divorce before you are even married! She is not the ONE.

If you love each other and know it is meant to be, divorce shouldn't be anywhere near a thought in your head.

That's just not true. Blind faith. I've been deeply in love twice, totally sure of everything and ended in divorce. People change. You have a lot more than her I assume, get a pre nup or better still avoid marriage

The common denominator in the divorce is you.

You give advice like the scorned ex-husband that you now are.

Maybe you should evaluate yourself before giving marriage advice than sorry.

sounded like good advice to me. Better safe than sorry. Once they arrive back in a western country.if it all goes wrong for whatever reason,he will lose assets. Costing him a lot of money along the way. Then be stuck for up to 18 years paying for kids he maybe cant even see.

Would you prefer if he said" oh just go for it ,jump in, marry her,dont worry about it."

Cheers "Cobbler

[worgeordie]

Once they get the ring on their finger....they change !

regards Worgeordie

[Kenny202]

Once they get the ring on their finger....they change !

regards Worgeordie

That's a fact. And if not ring on the finger the big house. Your history. Sure not all like that but id dare say more than 60% are.

Never give a thai an opportunity...in anything! They cant frking help themselves! Arrived at the new house we're renting yesterday complete with furniture truck. Had already promised rental price, term etc. They thought we were in a tight spot and the stitch up began. We had done the deal with the husband. Excuse for the attempt to increase rent, increase deposit, change lease time, change terms. Wife didn't know. We won the day and stood our ground but most would sell u down the river for 50 baht. That was after our removalist canceled on us 8.30pm night before the move. No doubt got a more lucrative job.

[HauptmannUK]

I am a frequent visitor to Thailand and am pretty fluent in Thai. I have a fiancee I've known for four years and who I'll be marrying sometime soon. I am going into knowing the risks.

Its really interesting to listen into the Thai ladies' conversation. There is no doubt than many (probably more than 50%) of Thai ladies regard marriage to a Falang as an 'occupation'. They play the part of girlfriend/wife. Say and do the expected things at the right time. Even move overseas away from their home and family. But at the end of the day their relationship with the Falang is a 'job' which leads to a better life for them and their family. That is not to say that many don't feel affection or even love for their partner. Oftentimes though, I have heard ladies talking about their partners in very dispassionate, even insulting, language. Much discussion centres around how much money they can extract from 'their' Falang. Moreover I have seen a number of these ladies 'upgrade' - i.e. a 'better' Falang comes along and the old partner is swiftly dumped.

I have seen one attractive lady marry a Finnish guy, get him to build a house. He was then dumped for an Italian who built a house and bought a truck (house no. 1 was given to mother). The Italian is now gone and she is courting a wealthy Malaysian

[thaiduncankk]

I am a frequent visitor to Thailand and am pretty fluent in Thai. I have a fiancee I've known for four years and who I'll be marrying sometime soon. I am going into knowing the risks.

Its really interesting to listen into the Thai ladies' conversation. There is no doubt than many (probably more than 50%) of Thai ladies regard marriage to a Falang as an 'occupation'. They play the part of girlfriend/wife. Say and do the expected things at the right time. Even move overseas away from their home and family. But at the end of the day their relationship with the Falang is a 'job' which leads to a better life for them and their family. That is not to say that many don't feel affection or even love for their partner. Oftentimes though, I have heard ladies talking about their partners in very dispassionate, even insulting, language. Much discussion centres around how much money they can extract from 'their' Falang. Moreover I have seen a number of these ladies 'upgrade' - i.e. a 'better' Falang comes along and the old partner is swiftly dumped.

I have seen one attractive lady marry a Finnish guy, get him to build a house. He was then dumped for an Italian who built a house and bought a truck (house no. 1 was given to mother). The Italian is now gone and she is courting a wealthy Malaysian

I could not agree more, however, the cynics on here will say that it only happens to a very small minority !

And as for the Finnish guy and the Italian, the same cynics will blame the guys for not being able to keep the relationships with her together, even though it seems obvious she had planned it all from day one.

I should nominate you for 'the best post of the year' award on this forum !

[thaiduncankk]

Can I add that I have met many over the years here, and ALL of them said 'I did not think it would happen to me' !

[HauptmannUK]

Well, I should add a disclaimer that not ALL Thai ladies are as I described - but quite a large proportion are.

A further (true) account...

One of my fiancee's friends has a daughter of about 25 who last year became involved with an English guy of about 50. He had a small business in the UK - went through a messy divorce - came to Thailand and quickly became involved with this young lady. He now resides full time in Thailand - not sure what visa he's on. He's a very nice guy though.

After about 6 months he'd built a house and bought a pick-up - he lives with the daughter although not yet married, but must have sunk at least 3M THB into land, house and truck.. Now I'd always regarded my wife's friend and her daughter as very nice people and I'd seen the daughter very 'lovey-dovey' with the English guy, However one evening we went to their house to eat with them and I was really shocked at how mother and daughter were talking about 'their Falang'. It was not that they were angry with him or didn't like him, its simply that the language used was very dispassionate and cold. It really did make me question the girl's feeling for the guy and made me realise that, again, maybe her motives were not very genuine. I discussed this with my fiancee and she made the point that (paraphrasing into English), 'Thai ladies are pragmatic until it hurts'....

My advice to any man getting involved with a Thai lady is to learn the language (including whatever dialect of Thai she speaks with her friends). Early on in my relationship with my fiancee I overheard her friends talking and quickly realised that she had another Falang boyfriend as well as me! I had no idea. We separated for a time and went through a fairly rocky time of a year or so but got back together - now we understand each other a lot better. We normally communicate in Thai and its a lot easier for her to express her feelings than in English. She knows not to lie to me and is now very frank and open. She also knows that I am wise to a lot of the 'tricks' that Thai ladies will pull, and that I will not tolerate the 'silent treatment' (that so many Thai ladies are fond of), for example.

[Tomtomtom69]

Does not sound like you have done much planning. Nothing wrong with marriage but if you have only seen her on vacation...life is quite different in real terms. You should move to Thailand for 9 months to a year. Spend every day with her and see if you still want to marry after that. Trips and 2 months in Poland not enough....and BTW...a Thai woman will go crazy in Poland in about 6 months ...Thailand is in her blood...she can never leave it forever.

I was with you until you said, " . . . a Thai woman will go crazy in Poland in about 6 months . . . " Well, I have a very good friend who is married to a Thai, they have lived and worked for several years in Poland, the US, Azerbijan, and Russia. She has yet to go crazy. I doubt many Thai women who actually love their man would not go anywhere with him. My daughter-in-law is Thai, she is anxious to go to the States. I know several farangs with Thai wives in the US, several more when I was in Saudi Arabia, and several when I was in Iran--none of them went crazy. Three of my doctoral classmates were Thai and all three of their Thai wives were in the States with them.

I know I would go crazy if I had to live in Saudi Arabia or Iran. I don't think that a Thai woman, except perhaps a Muslim one would feel any different. Imagine the look of horror on a Thai wife's face when you announce that you're moving to Saudi or Iran or any other middle eastern country.

[smotherb]

Does not sound like you have done much planning. Nothing wrong with marriage but if you have only seen her on vacation...life is quite different in real terms. You should move to Thailand for 9 months to a year. Spend every day with her and see if you still want to marry after that. Trips and 2 months in Poland not enough....and BTW...a Thai woman will go crazy in Poland in about 6 months ...Thailand is in her blood...she can never leave it forever.

I was with you until you said, " . . . a Thai woman will go crazy in Poland in about 6 months . . . " Well, I have a very good friend who is married to a Thai, they have lived and worked for several years in Poland, the US, Azerbijan, and Russia. She has yet to go crazy. I doubt many Thai women who actually love their man would not go anywhere with him. My daughter-in-law is Thai, she is anxious to go to the States. I know several farangs with Thai wives in the US, several more when I was in Saudi Arabia, and several when I was in Iran--none of them went crazy. Three of my doctoral classmates were Thai and all three of their Thai wives were in the States with them.

I know I would go crazy if I had to live in Saudi Arabia or Iran. I don't think that a Thai woman, except perhaps a Muslim one would feel any different. Imagine the look of horror on a Thai wife's face when you announce that you're moving to Saudi or Iran or any other middle eastern country.

Well, you apparently have no idea of expat work in the Middle East. Many expats are on single-status contracts which generally means they live in trailers or barracks on compounds and eat in mess halls; and of course, do not have their wives or family with them. However, they do make much more money than their jobs would command in their home countries.

Expats with family-accompanied status not only have their families with them, but they live in very nice accommodation and often make much more money than their single-status work mates. The wives on family accompanied status enjoy the abundant discretionary income, frequent vacations, free schooling at the best international schools for their children, and all expenses paid living.

[fey]

put cash into a 401k or other returement account. that sould be untouchable (yours)

[fey]

I was in Thailand about 15 times, each time for about a month, so I know quite well about thai girls mentality. I got know her almost 3 years ago on facebook. We have been to many places in Thailand, even go Cambodia and Laos together. She come to Poland 2 years ago for 2 months. She is a middle class wealth, owns a beauty shop, a decent house, no car. She has only mother, who would stay in Thailand alone (with bf) when we go Poland, so I'm not sure about this (not sure if her mother can carry the shop). What about my gf support for her mother, if her mother will not insist her after few moths to come back (because she either will miss daughter or her support and money), or at least insist my gf/wife to send money to mother which is not acceptable for me ( I would need to pay EVERYTHING for my wife because she will not be able to work at least for a few years (language)). So that are my concerns. If I don't marry, will be difficult to have her here, if I marry other problems can start

Stapoz, you seem quite clearly not to understand Thai girl's mentality, and you don't really know her. In addition to my reply above (tonray), you need to understand this:

Thai women are wonderful travelling companions (and enthusiastic sex partners). But they are tightly bonded to their family, doubly so if her mother is widowed/divorced. The beauty shop is her life and her livelihood and she will support her mother for life. You surely can't expect her mother to go to work and take over the shop!?

When you enter into a relationship with a Thai woman, you are expected to support her and her family. It's so ingrained in the culture that they don't think of it as exploitation, they think of it as your duty and responsibility - in the same way as she is duty-bound to care for you, love you, look after you, have sex with you, comfort you, support you in your conflicts with others (even if you're wrong), and tolerate your foibles and disgusting 'farang' habits.

You have to accept this because if you don't then you will both become very bitter and acrimonious with each other over time. She will not give up her duties and responsibilities to her mother. If she can't support her mother financially (which includes paying for medical expenses, the occasional large-item purchase, covering her loans, etc.) then she will expect that you do so.

You don't just marry a Thai woman, you marry her entire family (sometimes the village to boot)!

She is not expecting 'money' from you. She expects lifelong security from you, for herself and her mother (and siblings). That usually means that you are financially responsible for everybody.

Accept that or don't marry her (or any other Thai woman).

If you still decide to take her back home with you as your 'trophy wife' then know that it is a business arrangement. She will provide you with companionship and sexual favors - you pay for her life and for the support of her mother. She will go home the second that ends.

i guess the solution is finding a wife whose parents have passed early

[avp55]

A lot of potential problems for a few papers, don't do it.

I'm married with a Thai and have two daughters. I can't get rid of her, even the lawyers advice me to move away and wait for 3 years or even up to 8-9 years for the kids to grow up so they can choose themselves because I might lose them all together with almost everything I have. Even though we have two houses she wont move to the other house and doesn't want to talk about divorcing. She doesn't cook, clean, have s**, nothing. I have to work and then take care of myself. it feels like I married a parasite or a virus. If I didn't marry I could walk away now because I would have known not to buy or build or make kids since I would lose them in case of a separation.

It will keep you sharper not to marry and everything on your name is yours. After I'm hopefully rid of her within the next 10 years I will never marry again, even if I could give my life for the girl.

Let my and with me many other experiences be a warning for you.

Sorry to hear that. Some girls are really good at hiding their true colors.

Did you make prenuptial?

On another note. What would happen if you make a prenup agreement and after you get married you get some assets inherited. Any chance for the girl to take them off you?

[F4UCorsair]

If in doubt..........don't do it!!

[fey]

Well, I should add a disclaimer that not ALL Thai ladies are as I described - but quite a large proportion are.

A further (true) account...

One of my fiancee's friends has a daughter of about 25 who last year became involved with an English guy of about 50. He had a small business in the UK - went through a messy divorce - came to Thailand and quickly became involved with this young lady. He now resides full time in Thailand - not sure what visa he's on. He's a very nice guy though.

After about 6 months he'd built a house and bought a pick-up - he lives with the daughter although not yet married, but must have sunk at least 3M THB into land, house and truck.. Now I'd always regarded my wife's friend and her daughter as very nice people and I'd seen the daughter very 'lovey-dovey' with the English guy, However one evening we went to their house to eat with them and I was really shocked at how mother and daughter were talking about 'their Falang'. It was not that they were angry with him or didn't like him, its simply that the language used was very dispassionate and cold. It really did make me question the girl's feeling for the guy and made me realise that, again, maybe her motives were not very genuine. I discussed this with my fiancee and she made the point that (paraphrasing into English), 'Thai ladies are pragmatic until it hurts'....

My advice to any man getting involved with a Thai lady is to learn the language (including whatever dialect of Thai she speaks with her friends). Early on in my relationship with my fiancee I overheard her friends talking and quickly realised that she had another Falang boyfriend as well as me! I had no idea. We separated for a time and went through a fairly rocky time of a year or so but got back together - now we understand each other a lot better. We normally communicate in Thai and its a lot easier for her to express her feelings than in English. She knows not to lie to me and is now very frank and open. She also knows that I am wise to a lot of the 'tricks' that Thai ladies will pull, and that I will not tolerate the 'silent treatment' (that so many Thai ladies are fond of), for example.

a thai lady wont call you farang after they know you well, very disrespectful. major warning sign esp if its done around friends and family

[Kenny202]

Well, I should add a disclaimer that not ALL Thai ladies are as I described - but quite a large proportion are.

A further (true) account...

One of my fiancee's friends has a daughter of about 25 who last year became involved with an English guy of about 50. He had a small business in the UK - went through a messy divorce - came to Thailand and quickly became involved with this young lady. He now resides full time in Thailand - not sure what visa he's on. He's a very nice guy though.

After about 6 months he'd built a house and bought a pick-up - he lives with the daughter although not yet married, but must have sunk at least 3M THB into land, house and truck.. Now I'd always regarded my wife's friend and her daughter as very nice people and I'd seen the daughter very 'lovey-dovey' with the English guy, However one evening we went to their house to eat with them and I was really shocked at how mother and daughter were talking about 'their Falang'. It was not that they were angry with him or didn't like him, its simply that the language used was very dispassionate and cold. It really did make me question the girl's feeling for the guy and made me realise that, again, maybe her motives were not very genuine. I discussed this with my fiancee and she made the point that (paraphrasing into English), 'Thai ladies are pragmatic until it hurts'....

My advice to any man getting involved with a Thai lady is to learn the language (including whatever dialect of Thai she speaks with her friends). Early on in my relationship with my fiancee I overheard her friends talking and quickly realised that she had another Falang boyfriend as well as me! I had no idea. We separated for a time and went through a fairly rocky time of a year or so but got back together - now we understand each other a lot better. We normally communicate in Thai and its a lot easier for her to express her feelings than in English. She knows not to lie to me and is now very frank and open. She also knows that I am wise to a lot of the 'tricks' that Thai ladies will pull, and that I will not tolerate the 'silent treatment' (that so many Thai ladies are fond of), for example.

a thai lady wont call you farang after they know you well, very disrespectful. major warning sign esp if its done around friends and family

Refering to you as farang when talking with you would be disrepectful....but she'll still refer to you as farang with friends family. Sounds dispassionate to us but that's the way it is. We have many friends and I think only one really knows and refers to me by name. Thais don't call each other by name

[happylarry]

Sorry Kenny, but you are so wrong. My wife has many friends from both universities that she attended and from places she worked and her family as well and they all know and use my name when talking with me or my wife. Of course we all socialise together, whether that is anything to do with the respect side of it but they only use the farang term when talking about strangers. As fey said it would be very disrespectful.

HL

[Kenny202]

Sorry Kenny, but you are so wrong. My wife has many friends from both universities that she attended and from places she worked and her family as well and they all know and use my name when talking with me or my wife. Of course we all socialise together, whether that is anything to do with the respect side of it but they only use the farang term when talking about strangers. As fey said it would be very disrespectful.

HL

No. I'm not wrong. We're talking about 2 completely different races of people. My missus left school at 12 born and raised in a village. If it's a tractor they call it a tractor, a farang a farang. They even refer to themselves in a third person sense. I know these people don't use the term farang in a derogatory way or to offend, as they would rather cut their hand off than do this. In our terms they are ignorant and uneducated. I have both educated and dirt poor Thai friends. Like I said completely different races. I like them equally

[Liquorice]

Sorry Kenny, but you are so wrong. My wife has many friends from both universities that she attended and from places she worked and her family as well and they all know and use my name when talking with me or my wife. Of course we all socialise together, whether that is anything to do with the respect side of it but they only use the farang term when talking about strangers. As fey said it would be very disrespectful.

HL

No. I'm not wrong. We're talking about 2 completely different races of people. My missus left school at 12 born and raised in a village. If it's a tractor they call it a tractor, a farang a farang. They even refer to themselves in a third person sense. I know these people don't use the term farang in a derogatory way or to offend, as they would rather cut their hand off than do this. In our terms they are ignorant and uneducated. I have both educated and dirt poor Thai friends. Like I said completely different races. I like them equally

Oh yes you are. I completely agree with HL

My g/f was born in a village in the middle of Sakon Nowhere.

Her family and friends all call me by name.

My farang friends wives all call other Farangs by their name once they know them.

Thais have nicknames and rarely use their own name amongst friends.

Only if they speak about foreigners in general and not about a specific person do they use the word farang.

If your g/f and family are still referring to you as a farang, time to put your foot down and tell them it's Kenny!

[Kenny202]

My gf doesn't refer to me as farang. I did say that and no one addresses me directly as "farang" but as you say when talking about anyone or anything non thai they use the term farang freely. It still grates on me slightly but I know they mean no disrespect....in fact 100% the opposite. Same as they refer to our boy as Leuk Krung. It's a label but definitely a term of reverence. Thais are obsessed with all things farang.

[lemonjelly]

Who really wants to get married.... You or her?

[KC 71]

The 1000000 bht sinsot should only be for show .

Then given back for better uses.

[Kenny202]

The 1000000 bht sinsot should only be for show .

Then given back for better uses.

million baht sinsod is just ridiculous. That's a con for a start. Normal poor village girl would be lucky to get 50k. Having a farang husband would warrant more for show off value. Throwing a million baht at them won't earn u one ounce of respect in fact all you'll be doing is showing them your willingness to throw it away. They'll figure there'll be plenty more where that comes from and it will be gone in 6 months. Sinsod should be relevant to what you will infact inherit from the parents in the future and reflect the quality of the girl. If she has kids, has been married before, the family are crap, ur inheritance is going to be 1 rai of land with a shack.....sinsod would be zero for a thai guy. Use that to make a reasonable offer of maybe 100k and 4 Baht gold. More than enough. Problem is because u are farang, nothing is EVER enough. Obviously ur miles ahead of any Thai prospect the family could hope for and they should be satisfied with that...but the reallity will be different

[KC 71]

You can build a house for that kenny 202