Thai Customs/Mannerisms

[Blackfish64]

Hunny and I are friends with another couple who enjoy dropping in on us frequently, and unexpectedly. We don't mind that so much and most of the time we have a great time together.

As of late, things are begin to change. I noticed that whenever they come over, and I offer them coffee or tea or water or something to drink, the wife never accepts my offer, and even her face turns red and she appears to be insulted or offended. So I stopped doing it, and only offered a drink to the husband anymore. He more often than not accepts, based on whether he has had dinner or something to drink prior to visiting.

But now this is where it gets weird. I am an American, and where I come from it is considered rude and inhospitable not to offer your guests something to drink, or some other kind of refreshment when they visit your home or office. But I began to notice that every time I offer the gentleman something, I turn and glance and see in my peripheral vision he and his wife looking at each other and chuckling at this, at me. Soon, the gentleman began walking into the office, looking straight at me and saying, "I need coffee. Go get the coffee." Then he would look at his wife and they would smile at each other again.

I thought to myself, "OK, this is some kind of Thai custom or mannerism I am not aware of. Obviously these two think that I'm volunteering to be some sort of slave or servant for them. They think it's funny that the farang is volunteering to fetch drinks and snacks for them." I did not get upset. I let it all ride. And I continued my hospitality whenever they came until one evening...

They barged into the office one night, very late, with their twenty year old son in tow. Nothing unusual about any of this so far, until the son followed them inside the door, laid down on the couch, looked straight at me, pointed to the floor in front of him, and said in English, in a loud brash voice, "Go get the coffee!" I looked at his parents and they offered no correction to him nor support to me. Instead they were looking at me as if to say, "Well, you have been commanded to go get the coffee, why are you still standing there?"

I chuckled out loud at the whole crew, stood up slowly, walked over to the punk and leaned down close to his face and said, "What the f!@# did you just say?" He jumped back, frightened, bumping his head on the wall behind him, his eyes as big as saucers. He wasn't expecting anything like this. He looked at his parents. I looked at them, too, then back at him, "What're you looking at them for? You're the one who said it. Tell me one more time, boy, what did you say?" He said nothing. He just sat there and shook.

I straightened myself up and looked at the family again, "Well, well, well, obviously there has been some very large talk about me behind my back. What's this all about gang? Would you like to explain to me this unique Thai perspective I seem to be missing out on?"

At that, my Hunny jumped up from her seat and took over. She got in the boy's face and said something very sharp and quick to him in Thai. He turned beat red in the face, relaxed, and rolled over slowly to hide his face. He stayed that way for the remainder of the visit. His parents seem to be satisfied with whatever it was she said and they sat down and got comfortable.

I returned to my snack bar, made myself a fresh pot of tea, strolled on back to the office and sat down and drank the whole thing by myself, offering them nothing.

I have offered them nothing ever since. Even when they are staring at my coffee cup or my teacup and licking their lips, & I know they want refreshment, I just smile as if I didn't notice and offer zero. And they're scared to ask for anything.

I think I'll let this go on a while longer. I find it at least as amusing as they once found my hospitality.

Edited December 7, 2015 by Blackfish64

[ukrules]

Don't let pricks in your house !

[eltraus]

I don't know what they are up to. But the friendship sounds dysfunctional, I would end it.

[malt25]

Any sane... sober, member out there wanna give me some idea what ths is all about ???

[Blackfish64]

"Dysfunctional." That sounds about perfect. Like it.

We live in a beautiful rural area just outside dirty, small-minded Kamphang Saen. I just wanted to remain as polite as possible and clarify this is not just some Thai custom I am overlooking.

OK, got it, our supposed friends are gossipy, small-minded weiner-headz. Thank you!

[ukrules]

I suspect if you ordered your wife to go and make the tea / coffee instead of making it yourself this wouldn't have happened.

[Blackfish64]

I suspect if you ordered your wife to go and make the tea / coffee instead of making it yourself this wouldn't have happened.

You might be right. But I think I will order them about before I order her about. Like I did last night when they showed up late and Hunny was slammed with paperwork. I walked outside and confronted them, "Sorry, Folks, no hospitality tonight. I 'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

"What de problem?"

"No problem at all. Hunny is too busy and I'm off to bed. Goodnight!"

They grunted something in Thai and left.

[roo860]

Where do 'de' come from?

[Blackfish64]

Where do 'de' come from?

Dirty, small minded, little Kamphang Saen. From town. We live out in the beautiful boonies.

[Lannig]

He more often than not accepts, based on whether he has had dinner or something to drink prior to visiting.

This, at least, looks like the very common thai "kreng jai" manner. You're supposed to decline an offer for food or a drink a few times before accepting it. And the host is supposed to know this and offer it several times.

As for the son's attitude, I see nothing specifically "thai" in this. He's just an ordinary misbehaved brat.

[saakura]

Such a wierd tale. Thais dont offer or drink coffee in each others house except probably the rich modern chinese thais in bangkok. They normally offer a glass of cold water. And their 20+ yrs old son, stranger to you, barged into the house, lay down on your couch and shouted at you in a commanding voice to "Go! Get the Coffee!" ?? Completely bizzare.

[Blackfish64]

Yes, it is strange. But there are so many strange things here in this backward, dysfunctional land of Thais that I thought this was just another one of them.

Yet, even if the stupid child thing was normal, it is something, obviously, I would never accept. That stupid kid nearly pee'd himself! Now, it was worth all the trouble just to see this and to see the look on his dumbfounded parents faces.

The kid doesn't come with them anymore. Scared.

[cooked]

I also am puzzled by this aspect. My wife told me a few times about her sister that she hadn't seen for 20 years. Doubtless after hearing that a rich Farang had appeared (I am poor as a church mouse) she turned up with family and husband. I had a hard job to get the wife to offer them anything, and then it was water. I hate it when people come to visit and they don't get offered anything, not even to come in and sit down.

[1FinickyOne]

The tradition is to offer the guest a glass of water - it is hot here, people can get thirsty… beyond that, up to you.

Of course, I can only guess - but maybe something was said early in the relationship that they thought was humorous or someone told them something incorrect about Western customs, like Americans like it when you demand coffee!! Who knows? It can be sort of childish but many Thai especially in villages are not very sophisticated and will repeat the same joke over and over, probably more so with you as it sounds like you do not speak Thai… I would guess that there is some sort of joke going on - they may even think you understand it too…

Either way, it does not sound like they have much to offer you in continuing the relationship. No real need to be hostile with them, they are probably just simple country people who do not know how to relate to a farang… or how to let go of a joke that is not working.

good luck - keep calm.

[Blackfish64]

Yes, Thais love to offend, but despise being offended. This should not be called, "Thailand," but "We-Love-To-Dish-It-Out-But-We-Can't-Take-It-Land."

This woman we met at a dinner party blurted out something in Thai to the other guests about the little space between my front teeth. I asked my Hunny what she said. She told me, reluctantly. I laughed at her and said, "Yeah, and you got a great big space between your ears." The whole table laughed and someone told her what I said. She sat there for the longest time, baffled. Finally she asks, "What meaning?" The entire table burst out laughing again. She got up and left. I don't think she ever did figure it out.

[cooked]

I remember very well the the first remarks that were called out after me, both by village men and women. Now I understand Thai a little, I can guarantee that they were VERY RUDE. I don't care, and can give an answer. I grabbed hold of a guy's nipples and gave them a painful twist ((not necessarily to be recommended) when he called me gay. That hurts.

[Blackfish64]

I remember very well the the first remarks that were called out after me, both by village men and women. Now I understand Thai a little, I can guarantee that they were VERY RUDE. I don't care, and can give an answer. I grabbed hold of a guy's nipples and gave them a painful twist ((not necessarily to be recommended) when he called me gay. That hurts.

Lol! I can be a real crudester, too, obviously. They have no idea.

[surangw]

how often do you drop in on them with no warning ?

[Blackfish64]

how often do you drop in on them with no warning ?

Never. Ever. Hunny and I were just joking about this. His wife owns a small clothing shop, and keeps it closed most of the time, because she does not like to work. She stays up all night on her smartphone chatting with friends and playing games. He works all day at his job and she keeps him up past midnight every night doing her inventory. She finally falls asleep around 5:30 in the morning and sleeps till noon or 1 o'clock or until whenever she feels like it. I told wife we need to go over there after chores, bright and early, around 6:30 or 7 a.m., pound on the door, wake her up , and tell her, "Hi, time to get the coffee!"

[Morakot]

Such a wierd tale. Thais dont offer or drink coffee in each others house except probably the rich modern chinese thais in bangkok.

Yes. Unless one has staff, it would be very unusual for the host to offer anything more than water to non-relatives in Thailand.

Edited December 7, 2015 by Morakot

[Blackfish64]

Such a wierd tale. Thais dont offer or drink coffee in each others house except probably the rich modern chinese thais in bangkok.

Yes. Unless one has staff, it would be very unusual for the host to offer anything more than water in Thailand.

We have staff, but only one at night, and the office is off limits, save for daytime when they clean.

And thanks for the tip.

Edited December 7, 2015 by Blackfish64

[Morakot]

Such a wierd tale. Thais dont offer or drink coffee in each others house except probably the rich modern chinese thais in bangkok.

Yes. Unless one has staff, it would be very unusual for the host to offer anything more than water in Thailand.

We have staff, but only one at night, and the office is off limits, save for daytime when they clean.

And thanks for the tip.

Not sure if got what I was trying to say. If you offer coffee to your (important) guests, your staff would take over, making and serving the refreshments. If your guests are very close (older) relatives, and you want to show your appreciation, it surely would be fine to make and serve the coffee yourself.

Edited December 7, 2015 by Morakot

[Blackfish64]

Such a wierd tale. Thais dont offer or drink coffee in each others house except probably the rich modern chinese thais in bangkok.

Yes. Unless one has staff, it would be very unusual for the host to offer anything more than water in Thailand.

We have staff, but only one at night, and the office is off limits, save for daytime when they clean.

And thanks for the tip.

Not sure if got what I was trying to say. If you offer coffee to your (important) guests, your staff would take over, making and serving the refreshments.

Got it. Thanks.

[DavidBonnie]

Sounds like a hoax of some sort . . . .what's the Hunny thing all about?

Maybe (if the story is real) you offended them in some way or they just think you are pii baa? You certainly sound it.

No offence intended I'm just a crudester???*****

[Gutenberg]

Really, how are you encountering such things in Thailand?

The only thing what I get is wais nearly over the head, then silence.

Perfect.

[faraday]

This has been posted before. Gotta be a wind up.

[bermondburi]

I call b.s. on this. The way it was written was trying to imitate a cheap thriller, very poorly I might add.

Or another Walter Mitty.

[saakura]

Sounds like a hoax of some sort . . . .what's the Hunny thing all about?

Maybe (if the story is real) you offended them in some way or they just think you are pii baa? You certainly sound it.

No offence intended I'm just a crudester???*****

Hunny cud be a LB.??

[Blackfish64]

No, no, no! You are all nit-witted and dead wrong of course.

It's simple... Hunny and I met in America. We lived there for ten years. I don't know jack about Thai culture or language and could care less. I never planned on meeting or living with a Thai. We just met and hit it off and everything was cool. So, we're together.

Then I moved to Thailand about a year and a half ago. And I said to myself, "Wow! What is this place? This is about the goofiest thing I have ever seen!" (Actually, South America was goofier, if that's even possible).

Her friends, the couple in the story, she has known since her first year in college, at least twenty five years ago. They are quite accustomed to hanging around here. They are old family friends. Hunny and the other Thai woman love to sit and yap. The man, fond of wearing lots of pink and sometimes speaks and carries himself like a girl, really quite pussy-whipped, sits there and hangs on every word she says. He treats her like she's some goddess... and, frankly, she's about the ugliest thing you've ever seen. I don't understand them. Nor do I try to make them understand me. I try to remain polite and courteous out of respect for my girl. But, to be perfectly honest, if I met these people on the street--I would not come near them with a ten foot pole. Not my flavor at all.

So, in a nutshell, basically, I have to keep my trap shut and put up with Hunny's old friends.

Most of the time I just ignore them. When I look up at the security cameras and see them rolling up the driveway, I slip out the back and go hang out alone in one of the other houses until they leave. Barf.

Edited December 7, 2015 by Blackfish64

[eldragon]

I see no mystery in this. The couple has been having a laugh behind your back about you being a stereotypical ATM of a foreign husband to your wife. And now it's evolved into you being her (their?) servant.