Etiquette for paying restaurant bill?

[Shiver]

First girl I met and had that ''chaperone meeting" I had already eaten, and suggested a pizza (which was a bit of a treat for them then since at that time many years ago, 1 pizza was more than her daily wage). I had a token half of a slice and let them knock themselves out (including doggie bag because they couldn't finish it, and wanted to take some home to her student friends), so I only had to pay for one extra person. The reason I did this is that I'd already seen how with Thai food they'll order 8 plates for 2 people and not finish it, being more a show of wealth to her friends I guess. Painless bill (also I was still in Western mode which made it even more petty), and the job was done and dusted. I did offer them Svensens ice cream also after that, but I had things to do so they could go alone and I'd foot the bill (I was bored since neither of us could speak the others language, so just wanted out of there with my itchy feet). They didn't have the room to left to eat it, so I said maybe another time perhaps? but the question never surfaced ever again.

It was good while it lasted, but she was inexperienced in this kind of thing (farang I mean) and so was I with Thais, so it didn't last that long. She did eventually get the hang of it though, and at one point was screwing my American neighbour for 500 baht LOL. No hurt feelings, just a bit of disappointment that she'd undersold herself when she could have eventually made someone a very good long term partner before she went to the dark side.

Edited January 8, 2016 by Shiver

[steven100]

steven 100 I agree with you 100% These farang that bitch like this treat Thai people as second class people

And then they whinge and bitch that she left me or changed the locks or went to her MIL.

Well .... guess what cheap charlies !!! if she was happy and you were supporting her she wouldn't have any reason to leave you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's not rocket science !!!!!!!!!!!

Edited January 8, 2016 by steven100

[steven100]

First girl I met and had that ''chaperone meeting" I had already eaten, and suggested a pizza (which was a bit of a treat for them then since at that time many years ago, 1 pizza was more than her daily wage). I had a token half of a slice and let them knock themselves out (including doggie bag because they couldn't finish it, and wanted to take some home to her student friends), so I only had to pay for one extra person. The reason I did this is that I'd already seen how with Thai food they'll order 8 plates for 2 people and not finish it, being more a show of wealth to her friends I guess. Painless bill (also I was still in Western mode which made it even more petty), and the job was done and dusted. I did offer them Svensens ice cream also after that, but I had things to do so they could go alone and I'd foot the bill (I was bored since neither of us could speak the others language, so just wanted out of there with my itchy feet). They didn't have the room to left to eat it, so I said maybe another time perhaps? but the question never surfaced ever again.

It was good while it lasted, but she was inexperienced in this kind of thing (farang I mean) and so was I with Thais, so it didn't last that long. She did eventually get the hang of it though, and at one point was screwing my American neighbour dor 500 baht LOL. No hurt feelings, just a bit of disappointment that she'd undersold herself when she could have eventually made someone a very good long term partner before she went to the dark side.

wow ... meal total 500 baht .. big spender.

[steven100]

yeah, I can't believe these cheap charlies. I have a couple of Thai friends and we have gone out 300 times in 14 yrs ..... they have never ever had to pay in 14 years ..... and I don't expect them to.

how much does a thai earn ? 300 / day

how much does a farang earn ? get real !!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE CHEAP CHARLIES !!!

[Borneo Baron]

Most of you must be very miserable to get so excited about 1000 thb about a round of beer for 3 people at happy hour in a pub in Australia go back home and be miserable you are expecting too much here

[Jonathan Swift]

This is a standard ploy. The girl figures she's got a good fish hooked, invites friends/family to pile on at the trough to drink and wet their beaks for as much as they figure you're worth. You undoubtedly came across as a typical American farang with deep pockets. I've been in those situations just a few times, not with families but with 2 or 3 friends showing up, and assumed the inevitable and didn't mind, it was fun and good company, wasn't that expensive, but if I don't want it to happen now I just tell someone in advance that I can't and won't pay for a bunch of family and friends. I've had some expect me to pay for plane or bus tickets to come visit me from outer provinces, yeah right, hung up the phone and disappeared from their radar. I have nice Thai lady friends and if I'm generous to them they always return the favor in some way, they feel obligated. They have gone to bat for me when I was in trouble. One in fact when we went out to dinner for the first time absolutely insisted on paying, wouldn't accept a dime from me. So you found yourself a money pump and she pumped you. Welcome to Thailand. Nice place but it's gonna bite some chunks out of you during the learning curve. Changing the subject on your behalf since you're new at this, , on the subject of pickpockets, bag snatchers, and robberies in general, get law enforcement grade pepper spray in a small 4" size, put it in your checked baggage where it's legal, and carry it whenever you're walking on a crowded city street. Don't let anyone suspicious get near you without having it in reach. There have been a lot of robberies in the news lately.

[Ocicat]

Just the token Farang. Nam-jai only applies to Farangs.

[1FinickyOne]

As Charlie H says.

And next time remember you are expected to pay unless you sort the details out beforehand

This is patently obvious nonsense! logically why should someone be expected to pay for a person they didn't invite to the dinner and don't even know,sorry you will never convince me it's not a calculated scam! designed to shame someone into paying for unwanted Guests ! It's best not to engage in this sort of Chicanary !

And finally would we tolerate this happening in our own country or culture ......I don't think so!

A scam? Really? Like they were plotting this? When I first met my wife, part of the courtship process was going out with and meeting her friends. I was always glad to treat them - it was never terribly expensive and nice for me to meet her friends too.

First off - you are not in your own culture - I am always puzzled why people come here and think that things should be like they are at home when many have come specifically to get away from home - - what possible relevance can it have what is done in a different culture when you are going out for dinner in Thailand?

Yes, I would surely be expected to pay if I went out with my family - it is rare as they prefer to eat at home… I would insist. What is not rare is walking past the houses of family members and being invited to eat with them - EVERY TIME - that I walk past if a meal is cooking. And I have eaten their food far far more times than they have come with me to a restaurant. Surely, they do not get that food for free… they are sharing people and do not make a big deal over who is paying for the food…

And of course you are not in your own culture either! but if you are happy to take on another countries culture,that's fine by me, but don't include me,I make my choice,by what I consider to be what's right,and not be sucked into some half baked traditions for free loaders!

That is correct - I am not in my own culture - but I do embrace the culture I am in and try and learn from it and enjoy it - I see lovely people with good senses of humor and plenty of kindness - you come here and find scammers and free-loaders… that sure says something - - I would not describe people who are constantly inviting me to share their food as freeloaders - - but I guess we wear our own pair of spectacles… if that is your attitude here, I would not be surprised that many things are annoying to you - - as to your request not to be invited - it would almost be tempting to show you what you are missing here - my treat of course… though i expect with such a negative attitude, maybe it would not be much fun for you…

Edited January 8, 2016 by kenk24

[bazza40]

Foreigner pays, foreigner always pays.

Never take gfs family anywhere, cos you're gonna pay, and they just gonna chat to each other, totally ignoring you.

Easier just to hand her cash in the morning, and let her distribute the take to whomever she wants.

Go to the restaurant with your foreigner pals, they actually like you and will split the bill.

Thai gfs are for the bedroom only.

Yours doesn't cook and wash?

Not a chance.

She must be pretty good in the bedroom then...

[sead]

Ahahahaha. You learning. But it isnt a house or car so chill rofl... Yet..

[ericthai]

You are new aren't you. You`re the rich Farlang you pay and the stupid foreigner that falls into these traps every time. From experience I have learned to avoid large gatherings with Thais in those situations.

Don`t worry, we`ve all been there. Once bitten, twice shy.

You imply it is a 'let's soak the falang' thing. You do not understand Thai/Asian culture which works on status/respect. The OP was actually being attributed respect and should have been honoured to have received that. Look around at groups in restaurants and spot the guy sitting in the dominant chair puffing his chest out and playing the provider, revelling in his status.

To our Western minds it's all a bit pathetic of course! We moved on from feudalism and cap doffing centuries ago.

correct, every time we go out and my brother-in-law is with us he always gets the bill. I have tried to share and tried to pay and he never lets me. My wife told me long ago he wants to show he has money. When going out with my Thai friends sometimes they pay sometimes I pay, depends on who is with us (customer or just us) and who is making money from the deal.

OP You need to find out where you stand with this girl are you just friends or is it more. As stated earlier to me it sounds she thinks it's much more as she had you meet her family she would not do that if she didn't think things were going to be serious. Hope you enjoy your stay in Thailand!

[Happy Grumpy]

Never take gfs family anywhere, cos you're gonna pay, and they just gonna chat to each other, totally ignoring you.

Sounds good.

[MAJIC]

@ kenk 24

"Talking of spectacles,yours are definately of the Rose tinted variety! As for me I make my own invitations,for a dinner on me,which means I don't subscribe to your idea of how you like to spend your money, which seems to mean you are quite happy to spend your money on people you don't even know,as the OP has already discovered to his cost! I shall beg to differ and not get involved in this kind of engagement,and leave it at that"

Edited January 8, 2016 by MAJIC

[puukao]

farang pay

farang always pay

maybe not money, but farang pay

farang complain over 20 baht, then buy house for 30 million baht and lose it all

oh, farang pay....

[jacko45k]

Well mostly yes, you will be expected to pay.

The line is :

A Westerner took his girlfriend and her family out. They had 4 bottles of Leo at 55 baht each, 2 bottles of water at 10 baht, soup at 120 baht, 4 plates of food at 65, 79, 104 and 120 baht respectively, 5x rice at 10 baht and 1 ice cream at 45 baht. How much is the bill?'

The answer.

It doesn't matter the falang will pay.

[1FinickyOne]

@ kenk 24

"Talking of spectacles,yours are definately of the Rose tinted variety! As for me I make my own invitations,for a dinner on me,which means I don't subscribe to your idea of how you like to spend your money, which seems to mean you are quite happy to spend your money on people you don't even know,as the OP has already discovered to his cost! I shall beg to differ and not get involved in this kind of engagement,and leave it at that"

Whatever in the world makes you think I don't know these people? I did state that they were my family. I did state that they offer me food all the time and you call them free loaders… though you are probably right, if I saw someone in need or was out with friends [even farang friends who brought along a friend of theirs] it is quite possible that i would treat them too… I would not do this if I did not want to - -

For example:

The other day, a samlor pulled up to a cart where I was buying fruit - an obviously poor lady in the back wanted cantaloupe for 20 baht but decided she could not afford it. I bought it for her. The samlor driver told me that if he ever sees me walking about town, he will take me wherever I want to go for free…

All that nice feeling for 20 baht… and you get to do a good deed… but not in your world I guess - though I am curious why someone with such disdain for Thai people would choose to live amongst them.

Edited January 8, 2016 by kenk24

[chicowoodduck]

Oh my Buddha...welcome to LOS....the farang ALWAYS pays the bills.....ALWAYS....get use to it.....that is why you have SUCKER painted on your forehead, silly....???

[Cynical Sailor]

Oh my Buddha...welcome to LOS....the farang ALWAYS pays the bills.....ALWAYS....get use to it.....that is why you have SUCKER painted on your forehead, silly....[emoji39][emoji106][emoji106]

What a load of rubbish! I went to dinner last week with a friend, her aunt and two others (all Thai). When the bill came I offered to pay my share. "Mai pen rai - we've got it" was the reply. Granted it was Thai BBQ and was only ฿230/person but that not the point. It was a very nice and unexpected gesture.

[Straight8]

As Charlie H says.

And next time remember you are expected to pay unless you sort the details out beforehand

This is patently obvious nonsense! logically why should someone be expected to pay for a person they didn't invite to the dinner and don't even know,sorry you will never convince me it's not a calculated scam! designed to shame someone into paying for unwanted Guests ! It's best not to engage in this sort of Chicanary !

And finally would we tolerate this happening in our own country or culture ......I don't think so!

It's a "let's milk the stupid farang like the proverbial cow" ploy... work nearly every time.

For a start she is not even his GF as the OP states. To me by the sound of it, they both are in the "getting to know each other" stage, so why invited 3 or 4 others and expect the farang to pay?

To the OP.. this is a mighty red flag. Nothing to do with thai customs and cultures when a foreigner is involved, and especially when your not even in a relationship. If you allow this sh!!t to continue, you will be paying for the duration, and it gets worse from there.

To me its a disrespectful and opportunistic act.

Your better off eating alone, and let' face it, how much fun it is when you are sitting there and for the most part are not even part of the group other than there to take the bill.

[Straight8]

Whoever is assumed to be the defacto host pays, even for persons that he hasn't invited.

And what are the chances 'falang' will be the defacto host next time round, if the same scenario pans out.

I'd say close to 100%.

[F4UCorsair]

You'd better establish a protocol for this eventuality or else forever be the milking cow.

I've had it happen, but the numbers weren't huge so not a big issue, but it does leave an 'I've been used taste.'

Jump on it fast.

[Straight8]

First off - you are not in your own culture - I am always puzzled why people come here and think that things should be like they are at home when many have come specifically to get away from home - - what possible relevance can it have what is done in a different culture when you are going out for dinner in Thailand?

Yes, I would surely be expected to pay if I went out with my family - it is rare as they prefer to eat at home… I would insist. What is not rare is walking past the houses of family members and being invited to eat with them - EVERY TIME - that I walk past if a meal is cooking. And I have eaten their food far far more times than they have come with me to a restaurant. Surely, they do not get that food for free… they are sharing people and do not make a big deal over who is paying for the food…

And of course you are not in your own culture either! but if you are happy to take on another countries culture,that's fine by me, but don't include me,I make my choice,by what I consider to be what's right,and not be sucked into some half baked traditions for free loaders!

That is correct - I am not in my own culture - but I do embrace the culture I am in and try and learn from it and enjoy it - I see lovely people with good senses of humor and plenty of kindness - you come here and find scammers and free-loaders… that sure says something - - I would not describe people who are constantly inviting me to share their food as freeloaders - - but I guess we wear our own pair of spectacles… if that is your attitude here, I would not be surprised that many things are annoying to you - - as to your request not to be invited - it would almost be tempting to show you what you are missing here - my treat of course… though i expect with such a negative attitude, maybe it would not be much fun for you…

Now I truly know the definition of 'Thai rose tinted glasses'

[F4UCorsair]

yeah, I can't believe these cheap charlies. I have a couple of Thai friends and we have gone out 300 times in 14 yrs ..... they have never ever had to pay in 14 years ..... and I don't expect them to.

how much does a thai earn ? 300 / day

how much does a farang earn ? get real !!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE CHEAP CHARLIES !!!

3450 posts and trolling??

The give away is that you continue posting tje same garbage line because you're not getting bites

You really must be more careful.

[huawei]

Cultural bs..most farangs associate with poorer Thais from issaan whose Dna profile is to automatically see the farang as a benefits system akin to the uk, free housing, free education for her kids and free meals..this is the reality...meet any middle class Thais ( a seemingly rare event for most) and they will pay if you were invited no big deal, or at a minimum share the bill...it's not Thai culture to be a vulture..

[steven100]

yeah, I can't believe these cheap charlies. I have a couple of Thai friends and we have gone out 300 times in 14 yrs ..... they have never ever had to pay in 14 years ..... and I don't expect them to.

how much does a thai earn ? 300 / day

how much does a farang earn ? get real !!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE CHEAP CHARLIES !!!

3450 posts and trolling??

The give away is that you continue posting tje same garbage line because you're not getting bites

You really must be more careful.

so you obviously fit in the cheap charlie ranking ...

good luck to you .... hope u meet a nice thai girl to settle down with but i doubt it.

each to his own as they say !!

[mydee]

@ kenk 24

"Talking of spectacles,yours are definately of the Rose tinted variety! As for me I make my own invitations,for a dinner on me,which means I don't subscribe to your idea of how you like to spend your money, which seems to mean you are quite happy to spend your money on people you don't even know,as the OP has already discovered to his cost! I shall beg to differ and not get involved in this kind of engagement,and leave it at that"

Whatever in the world makes you think I don't know these people? I did state that they were my family. I did state that they offer me food all the time and you call them free loaders… though you are probably right, if I saw someone in need or was out with friends [even farang friends who brought along a friend of theirs] it is quite possible that i would treat them too… I would not do this if I did not want to - -

For example:

The other day, a samlor pulled up to a cart where I was buying fruit - an obviously poor lady in the back wanted cantaloupe for 20 baht but decided she could not afford it. I bought it for her. The samlor driver told me that if he ever sees me walking about town, he will take me wherever I want to go for free…

All that nice feeling for 20 baht… and you get to do a good deed… but not in your world I guess - though I am curious why someone with such disdain for Thai people would choose to live amongst them.

The same thought occurred to me, but the reason the Thai haters live here generally comes down to the dismal science, economics. This particular topic has brought the worst of them out from under their rocks. Some of the more inane comments concern forelock tugging and younger "girlfriends" In regard to the former foreigners should really have a look at their own societies, it is just probably more formal here, but look at the class ridden aristocracies of Europe, the Australian establishment and US corporatism or Boston not to mention the political correctness that now permeates the west. . See how well you fare if you don't tug your forelock in those circles. As to the latter, what do you expect when your friendship is essentially a commercial one or your circles are limited the entertainment industry .

In my experience in Thailand it is normal that the host or head honcho picks up the tab at dinner here. When we go out to dinner with a wealthy Thai friend of mine he usually picks up the tab unless it is for his birthday or similar occasion and when I took a Thai nephew to lunch years ago his father advised him to pay his share. This also applies in rural Thailand. Even in normal society, there will be misunderstandings and abuses of the custom and a quiet word to your partner afterwards should ensure that the situation while saving face.

As far as the rose colored glasses crack, amount of goodwill you engendered in the local Thai community is very satisfying, whatever your choice of eye wear

[SoiBiker]

Cultural bs..most farangs associate with poorer Thais from issaan whose Dna profile is to automatically see the farang as a benefits system akin to the uk, free housing, free education for her kids and free meals..this is the reality...meet any middle class Thais ( a seemingly rare event for most) and they will pay if you were invited no big deal, or at a minimum share the bill...it's not Thai culture to be a vulture..

Agreed. I've been out plenty of times with Thai people who've refused my offer to pay and insisted on paying their share. I guess it depends on what kind of locals you hang out with.

[Sutty]

As Charlie H says.

And next time remember you are expected to pay unless you sort the details out beforehand

This is patently obvious nonsense! logically why should someone be expected to pay for a person they didn't invite to the dinner and don't even know,sorry you will never convince me it's not a calculated scam! designed to shame someone into paying for unwanted Guests ! It's best not to engage in this sort of Chicanary !

And finally would we tolerate this happening in our own country or culture ......I don't think so!

It's a "let's milk the stupid farang like the proverbial cow" ploy... work nearly every time.

For a start she is not even his GF as the OP states. To me by the sound of it, they both are in the "getting to know each other" stage, so why invited 3 or 4 others and expect the farang to pay?

To the OP.. this is a mighty red flag. Nothing to do with thai customs and cultures when a foreigner is involved, and especially when your not even in a relationship. If you allow this sh!!t to continue, you will be paying for the duration, and it gets worse from there.

To me its a disrespectful and opportunistic act.

Your better off eating alone, and let' face it, how much fun it is when you are sitting there and for the most part are not even part of the group other than there to take the bill.

If your not part of the group I venture to suggest you have no interest in the group to start with. When I go out with friends (Thai) I am always included my Thai is not brilliant nor is there English but that doesn't stop us trying. Sounds to me like you like to be alone or is that aloof.

[Straight8]

As Charlie H says.

And next time remember you are expected to pay unless you sort the details out beforehand

This is patently obvious nonsense! logically why should someone be expected to pay for a person they didn't invite to the dinner and don't even know,sorry you will never convince me it's not a calculated scam! designed to shame someone into paying for unwanted Guests ! It's best not to engage in this sort of Chicanary !

And finally would we tolerate this happening in our own country or culture ......I don't think so!

It's a "let's milk the stupid farang like the proverbial cow" ploy... work nearly every time.

For a start she is not even his GF as the OP states. To me by the sound of it, they both are in the "getting to know each other" stage, so why invited 3 or 4 others and expect the farang to pay?

To the OP.. this is a mighty red flag. Nothing to do with thai customs and cultures when a foreigner is involved, and especially when your not even in a relationship. If you allow this sh!!t to continue, you will be paying for the duration, and it gets worse from there.

To me its a disrespectful and opportunistic act.

Your better off eating alone, and let' face it, how much fun it is when you are sitting there and for the most part are not even part of the group other than there to take the bill.

If your not part of the group I venture to suggest you have no interest in the group to start with. When I go out with friends (Thai) I am always included my Thai is not brilliant nor is there English but that doesn't stop us trying. Sounds to me like you like to be alone or is that aloof.

I was basically referring to the OP comments. Read between the lines and you tell me if he was actually having a great time with the aunt, uncle and the rest of the posse his non thai GF brought along for some free lunch?

At a guess I bet NiceGuyEddy was the one making the effort here!!

So in that same situation, hell yeah I'd rather eat alone, any ol day..

Edited January 9, 2016 by Straight8

[AlexRRR]

Happened to me once but ex TGF worded me up beforehand...well just before the bill came, a few days later ex hands over around 60% of the cost of the evening which would have been close to about right....from what she said the practice is normal the others contribute the following day or next time they see each other in her case she worked with the others.

Recently in japan i paid the bill for TGF her sister and Thai husband, they picked up the cab fare back to the hotel...