Why are so many Thai men so jealous, possessive and insecure about their women?

[Ghostmanthai]

Come on OP. Whilst I am often questioning Thais I think it is unfair to make sweeping statements like ' why are so many Thai men'. They are not all the same. Different culture, different ways of showing how much they love their partners. I would say for this reason would answer your question.

But that's the OP's MO, he observes some isolated incident and manages to leap to some ridiculous conclusion about a whole country of peoples he's never met. And of course, his conclusions are always negative about the Thais, especially the men. Talk about insecurity and immaturity.

So let me ask you OP, if I was married with a wife and kids, and my wife wanted to go for an extended vacation alone, leaving me to work and look after the kids, and I said "no." would you call me jealous and insecure?

That's the thing OP, your knowledge of Thailand and the Thais are so obscenely poor that you are almost always wrong when you express an opinion about Thailand.

Save monetary reasons I would call you Jealous. Because she is your wife that gives you the power or authority to control her? Odd way to think when my wife mentions she wants to go to visit her family I say have a good time and enjoy the home cooking. Funny how people have come to be like this. How does one simply tell another adult no with out being controlling? As long as the kids are taken care of and as you are their other parent then why imply you have the power to say no. When I grew up quite often one or the other of my parents would go for a holiday such as a fishing trip to a week at the spa or heaven forbid time to visit the family

I guess society dictates that as you are the money maker you control the home? Interesting way to go about marriage. I guess that's why I waited until I was 40 and found who I could trust enough to live a normal life with before I got married

[eldragon]

Probably has something to do with all the infidelity going round here. Probably.

[Happy Grumpy]

Would a very spoiled 4 yr old boy happily watch his mother go out for the night with the kids next door?

[aussiandrew]

One just has to watch the Thai TV programs for few minutes to get a good understanding of what is fueling the jealous and hatred in Thai society.

[catman20]

So the Thai men are insecure it is said.

And the westerners are Soooooo secure in their relationships right.

Ba ha ha haaaaaaa haaaaaaa.

you get what you deserve, if your a alpha male and take no crap from women and you treat them well and spend time doing things together you will get a woman that respects you and will not cheat on you. in 16 years I've meet so many pathetic door matts here it makes me sick to my stomach. it really is as simple as that.

[Deli]

8 cm can't give a a lot self-confidence

[MaeJoMTB]

Odd way to think when my wife mentions she wants to go to visit her family I say have a good time and enjoy the home cooking. Funny how people have come to be like this.

When my last gf went to stay with her family, she took her 'naughty nurse' outfit with her.

Guess they must have been sick. I didn't live there any more, when she came back.

I guess society dictates that as you are the money maker you control the home? Interesting way to go about marriage.

Or

If you want to borrow my car, only polite to ask my permission first.

And at the very least, put some fuel in the tank, before you return it.

Edited February 16, 2016 by MaeJoMTB

[teacherpaul]

So the Thai men are insecure it is said.

And the westerners are Soooooo secure in their relationships right.

Ba ha ha haaaaaaa haaaaaaa.

Oh dear. I wondered when the first bum-licking apologist would rear its ugly head.

There is a massive cultural difference between Thai men and Western men. To think otherwise either shows you are incredibly naive or have never lived here.

I'm in no way saying this is unique to Thailand. Of course this country has a lot in common with other countries lower down the food chain.

[TheKnave]

I too know very few Thai men who would allow their wives to travel separately. For that matter, many would not even let their wives or girlfriends go out for a night with the girls. However, they tend to be at the lower end of the income scale. Many of the same men do not see anything wrong in themselves travelling alone or going out for a night with the boys and the women concerned are supposed to just accept it. It probably has some basis in the culture - patriarchal society and all that.

As to jealousy, both Thai men and women can be extremely jealous. For the women, perhaps they have a reason if their hubby/boyfriend has been doing what many men do here, hostess bars, massages, brothels, etc. Having a minor wife does not even raise many eyebrows here either.

For the men, perhaps they are misguidedly judging the women by their own behaviour. Or perhaps it is a control issue.

Thailand is a matriarchal society.

[Suradit69]

You hear of so many here who kill their lovers, and spouses.

In the US and UK domestic violence is seldom considered newsworthy anymore or it goes unreported (and apparently unknown to farang in Thailand). Again Farang on TV seem to have a very limited world view.

An estimated 1.4 million women and 700,000 men have suffered domestic abuse in the last year, according to figures from the Office for National Statistics (ONS).

The number of violent incidents in England and Wales has fallen from a peak of 3.8m in 1995 to about 1.3m in 2013/14.

• • Every 9 seconds in the US, a woman is assaulted or beaten.12
  • On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.1
  • 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.1
  • 1 in 5 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.1
  • 1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men have been stalked by an intimate partner during their lifetime to the point in which they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed.1
  • On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide.9
  • The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500%.10
  • Intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crime.2
  • Women between the ages of 18-24 are most commonly abused by an intimate partner.2
  • 19% of domestic violence involves a weapon.2
  • Domestic victimization is correlated with a higher rate of depression and suicidal behavior.2
  • Only 34% of people who are injured by intimate partners receive medical care for their injuries.2

[Suradit69]

So the Thai men are insecure it is said.

And the westerners are Soooooo secure in their relationships right.

Ba ha ha haaaaaaa haaaaaaa.

Oh dear. I wondered when the first bum-licking apologist would rear its ugly head.

There is a massive cultural difference between Thai men and Western men. To think otherwise either shows you are incredibly naive or have never lived here.

I'm in no way saying this is unique to Thailand. Of course this country has a lot in common with other countries lower down the food chain.

"Oh dear. I wondered when the first bum-licking apologist would rear its ugly head."

And apparently some people have used their bums as a place up which to hide their heads from reality. Oh dear. Reality checks aren't apologies.

Edited February 16, 2016 by Suradit69

[Nielsk]

You cant trust a thai woman.

Who can You basically rely on, but Yourself ?!?

Thai- or farang woman/man make no difference in my opinion.

Have a nice day

[1FinickyOne]

life goes along much smoother w/o the pain of jealousy - something I learned early in life... but oh how common it is and not just here... I guess it is born of a competitiveness, a fear of loss, and not wanting someone else peeing on your fire hydrant...

As you, my wife and I both have plenty of freedom. I want my wife to enjoy her life. Love is a devotion to the others well being and happiness.. Jealousy is a fight that nobody wins...

Neither jailed nor jailer be...

[akentryan]

Why don't they just walk away? Many of them do. Ask any bar girl in Pattaya how many kids she has. The answer will be 1 to 3. Ask her where her husband is? The answer is always "he found another phuying"

[lungnorm]

There is one born every minute. It would be 95% probability she is meeting her other boyfriend of maybe her Thai husband. I once had a tour round Thailand with my then Thai G?F she organised a mini bus thru her family and it was driven by her so called brother who was actually her husband. The whole family came on the 2 week tour with us Mother, sister and later I found out her husband was the driver. She also had a Japanese B/F she is now married to a Swede. I have a vast network of friends in Thailand and this kind of behaviour is apparently the norm rather than the exeption. Why do you think your wife is any different to other Thai women. It is also quite normal for for the whole family to be aware of the 2 or 3 timing bitch's but keep mum about it.

[ggt]

Me thinks a lack of quality sausage and currency are big contributors to the Thai male's insecurity...

[chicowoodduck]

Same reason all the farangs go off the boil....it is LIEland.....trust no one and take your chances.....crap shoot at the best of times.....heck I don't even trust myself....?

[robblok]

Me thinks a lack of quality sausage and currency are big contributors to the Thai male's insecurity...

Does that mean white guys should be insecure when there are black guys around ?

And seen plenty of insecure white guys.. like the guy that said its ok that a cheating wife got killed. Seems its not a Thai thing.. but the farang brigade loves to feel superior.

[ljd1308]

Thai men, western men...there isn't a great difference.

My wife goes out all the time(i encourage and I go out whenever I want), but she always has trouble getting her friends with western husbands to go with her. This has been experienced both here and in Australia.

It isn't a Thai thing at all, in fact if anything her friends with Thai partners can usually go out more freely.

I love it when my wife and kids go back to the village without me, it means I don't have to spend a week there and instead can spend all week at the sauna.

[mrmicbkktxl]

It's a culture thing,nothing to do with feeling insecure.80% of thais [men and woman] are never happy with what they have,always look for improvement.It's also an education thing,smart and sexy girls have and need a wide selection of guys.Most important thing is money,Thai girl want farang because they think farang is rich,u can be ugly to much but they still marry ,but be sure they will have a thai gig.How many hiso girls do u see with farang?Almost none,because they have money already or have their rich thai guy,besides of that khun hiso hates farang.So most of us will end up with khun lowso or khun normal.If u have an ugly girl she will check u permanent,if u have a sexy girl she will give a f... what u do because easy to find new guy.Not only thai guys are violent,girls are not to different.Most of those killer guys kill because lost face and can't handle to see "their property"with another guy.I have a nice girlfriend,good job and education,not to ugly[7out of 10]I trust her but I NEVER GIVE HER CHANCE to do anything what could end our relation,Trust is good,but with trust only u will be always the loser,control is the winner,not only in relation.by the way my gf checks me too,she can permanent locate me via app on her and my phone,sounds crazy or paranoid but u want to have happy relation in thailand then that's the only way.I know there are also some"good"girls but i'm to old for searching

[robblok]

Thai men, western men...there isn't a great difference.

My wife goes out all the time(i encourage and I go out whenever I want), but she always has trouble getting her friends with western husbands to go with her. This has been experienced both here and in Australia.

It isn't a Thai thing at all, in fact if anything her friends with Thai partners can usually go out more freely.

I love it when my wife and kids go back to the village without me, it means I don't have to spend a week there and instead can spend all week at the sauna.

Its a personal thing, in a relation I want freedom to go out and give the same in return. Its based on trust and if you can't trust your GF / Wife why are you with her.

Seen farang guys so possessive of their trophy wives, knowing there was only one thing keeping them with the guy. In a healthy relation there is no need to be possessive.

[phrodan]

I personally know of two cases in which a 'Farang' husband/boyfriend beat, bound and imprisoned their Thai wife/girlfriend. These are occasions I have seen with my own eyes.

The first, in the UK, an English husband had been beating his Thai wife and locking her in the house to prevent her from having any contact outside the home. When social services where alerted they need the police to help release her from her home directly into hospital were she remained for a number of weeks being treated for malnutrition and longterm untreated physical abuse. The husband was gaoled.

The second, an Englishman in Thailand took to tying and gagging his Thai girlfriend before he went out on the town, a matter that came to light when the Thai woman's brother called to see her, perhaps aware of what was going on he, with the help of neighbours, broke into the house and released his sister - again she spent days in hospital being treated for the affects of the physical abuse she suffered. Her boyfriend avoided prison but did not avoid Thai justice. Once sufficiently recovered from the first bout of Thai justice, he left Thailand before receiving the next instalment.

There are plenty if violent abusive Thai men, but they were not imported. Thailand manages to add to their numbers by importing a sizeable batch of violent and abusive foreign men.

The level of emotional carnage inflicted by foreign men on Thai women is astounding, absolutely astounding. One case I know of, and oh so casual, is the English guy that took his son to England on holiday with him on the promise of bringing him back a month later. The child has now been gone for four years. The Mother is demented by loss.

And there's way too much casual child abandonment.

That's even before we start looking at adult relationships.

[sawadee1947]

well, you are a long time in Thailand I suppose.

So you are familar with Thai attitudes as well.

As you know many Thai men got a second wife.....if they can afford.

And most of them are cheating if possible.

And that is why they think their wife's doing same. And....some do.

We Westerners are highly searched after because ATM but also for honesty and not being a butterfly (I talk about those who get legally married, acknowledged by their home countries)

[Berkshire]

Come on OP. Whilst I am often questioning Thais I think it is unfair to make sweeping statements like ' why are so many Thai men'. They are not all the same. Different culture, different ways of showing how much they love their partners. I would say for this reason would answer your question.

But that's the OP's MO, he observes some isolated incident and manages to leap to some ridiculous conclusion about a whole country of peoples he's never met. And of course, his conclusions are always negative about the Thais, especially the men. Talk about insecurity and immaturity.

So let me ask you OP, if I was married with a wife and kids, and my wife wanted to go for an extended vacation alone, leaving me to work and look after the kids, and I said "no." would you call me jealous and insecure?

That's the thing OP, your knowledge of Thailand and the Thais are so obscenely poor that you are almost always wrong when you express an opinion about Thailand.

'

Fascinating conclusion. Much of this information comes from my Thai wife's mouth. She comments often, that many of her girlfriends cannot go out with her, without their husbands or boyfriends tagging along. And in the case of a trip up north, to visit friends, they cannot go, as their men will not allow them to be on their own for a few days. I am not making this stuff up. It is anything but an isolated incident. It is very commonplace. Of course it is safe to say I have never met everyone in the country. It would be quite a challenge to meet 68 million people. But, I have met alot, and I hear this opinion more often from the women, and from friends of my wife.

I think your analogy about being left with the kids for an extended period does not apply here. In the case of my wife, she has invited a few friends who either do not have kids, or are doing the Issan thing, and letting their folks look after them. So, this is a completely different circumstance. The gals want to go. They just are not being permitted to join the fun. I have lived in Thailand for over a decade, have many Thai friends, have traveled extensively in Thailand, and have a lovely Thai family. So, my knowledge is not quite as obscenely poor as you surmise.

In the west, I have some friends who are also quite possessive, but I also have many who are not, and their gals go out often with their friends, and it is not uncommon for some to travel without their husband or boyfriend.

But, as always, you are entitled to express your opinion.

"From your Thai wife's mouth"....not a very reliable source. Did you actually talk to these guys? Point is, there could be any number of reasons that has nothing to do with being jealous or insecure. But that's what you choose to believe...to make you feel better about yourself?

As an example about your flawed thinking, I've dated a number of girls that had the freedom to go out and do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted, and it didn't bother me even a little bit. Why? Because I just didn't care about these women. Even if they were messing around, I didn't care because I didn't have strong feelings for them. So it's not about "trust" in those instances.

By the way, you have sort of an oddball relationship. How many couples take vacations separately? I'm sure some do, but that's not normal. Sure guys and gals can spend time with their friends on a routine basis, but vacationing separately? And then you criticize other folks for not thinking the same as you? Odd.

[Berkshire]

Come on OP. Whilst I am often questioning Thais I think it is unfair to make sweeping statements like ' why are so many Thai men'. They are not all the same. Different culture, different ways of showing how much they love their partners. I would say for this reason would answer your question.

But that's the OP's MO, he observes some isolated incident and manages to leap to some ridiculous conclusion about a whole country of peoples he's never met. And of course, his conclusions are always negative about the Thais, especially the men. Talk about insecurity and immaturity.

So let me ask you OP, if I was married with a wife and kids, and my wife wanted to go for an extended vacation alone, leaving me to work and look after the kids, and I said "no." would you call me jealous and insecure?

That's the thing OP, your knowledge of Thailand and the Thais are so obscenely poor that you are almost always wrong when you express an opinion about Thailand.

Save monetary reasons I would call you Jealous. Because she is your wife that gives you the power or authority to control her? Odd way to think when my wife mentions she wants to go to visit her family I say have a good time and enjoy the home cooking. Funny how people have come to be like this. How does one simply tell another adult no with out being controlling? As long as the kids are taken care of and as you are their other parent then why imply you have the power to say no. When I grew up quite often one or the other of my parents would go for a holiday such as a fishing trip to a week at the spa or heaven forbid time to visit the family

I guess society dictates that as you are the money maker you control the home? Interesting way to go about marriage. I guess that's why I waited until I was 40 and found who I could trust enough to live a normal life with before I got married

That makes no sense. So if I was married with kids and wanted to spend a week in Pattaya with my buddies and my wife objected, she has the monetary power?

What I was talking about was how the OP can possibly come to the conclusion that the husbands/BF's in these case are all jealous and insecure when it could be any number of other reasons.

[bbbbooboo]

Equivalent of a 10 yr old child's brain in an adult head?

[SOTIRIOS]

....they know something of the true nature of Thai women....

...foreigners are clueless.....

...a soft voice and a smile...and you are done for.....

...Thai men grew up with these women.....

...they know what's what.....

[Stevemercer]

My Thai wife doesn't seem to have many married friends. Most are single and seem to want a farang husband.

[elgordo38]

Why don't they just walk away? Many of them do. Ask any bar girl in Pattaya how many kids she has. The answer will be 1 to 3. Ask her where her husband is? The answer is always "he found another phuying"

There is your answer she gets left holding the bag. I have seen this girl left with kids many times and the government here is to busy buying subs and tanks to get tough with men that spread their seed and hit the road. My g/f would never hook up with a Thai guy as would neither the other girls I have met here. Yes I am a fat old foreigner considerably older than my g/f but with me she at least knows where she stands now and after I am gone. She has purchased land and can build a house after I am gone and will be sitting pretty for 10 years or so. With a average Thai guy this would be impossible. Why live with a possible philanderer who will give you a couple kids and hit the road.

[Cypress Hill]

The cultural differences are just too subtle for the haters to grasp. They've got to have something to make themselves feel superior even if it's based on little more than a mirage

They don't grasp that there are a LOT of Thai women who genuinely believe that a man doesn't love or care for them if he DOESN'T display jealousy.

By their logic, "If he loves me, the slightest chance that I might be in the vicinity of other men should send him into a blind rage"

Farang guys are no different to Thai or other guys - they're just as insecure but they take comfort in the belief that, in Thailand at least, their coin gives them a certain amount of control

Yes, control because that's what it really boils down to for many of them.