The art of making conversation...

[marquis22]

I get on great with my in-laws, I tell my wife they are lovely people (which they are) She passes that on.

But as they cannot speak any English and my Thai is limited we just smile and hand signal and all works out fine.

So no verbal conversation as such, suits me fine!

[phitsanulokjohn]

Very!!!!

I simply put it down to Thai's

being extremely self centered...

That seems like a huge negative Thai bashing comment, but it's not intended that way.

I'm very close with my In laws... But their interest in their

daughter's and Grandson's life is a polar opposite to my folks in the UK.

I put it do

wn to simply cultural difference..

.

If we've been on a holiday My Mother wants to know everything

down to what we had for breakfast. Conversely my Thai In laws are not even interested in thr slightest.

Excellent spot on post Richard...Only to add,just wait and see if their not interested in making conversation if it's about money and it looks like coming their way.Their conversation goes from almost being a dumb mute to someone on speed.

[thaiduncankk]

If you have ever seen on television the 'slapstick' comedy they have been brought up on, you will understand their mentality.

[Morakot]

If we've been on a holiday My Mother wants to know everything down to what we had for breakfast. Conversely my Thai In laws are not even interested in thr slightest.

Of course they are not interested what you had for breakfast. You are meant to tell (gossip) what other people had for breakfast.

[villagefarang]

Unlike some of you, I do eat with Thai friends and I must say our best friends and most interesting conversations come from these Thai friends we enjoy hanging out with. And yes we often take photos of food and group selfies to post on FaceBook. That doesn’t keep us from eating or talking, however.

It gets more complicated when there are mixed couples. Often it is easier to separate Thais and foreigners, which usually means women at one table and men at another. To be honest the conversations at the women table are usually more interesting than all the measuring which goes on with the guys.

Just the other night I bumped into a young British girl I know with her Thai husband and three year old son. Catching up was really great but I had to gauge how much time I could spend speaking English with her, Thai with her husband and a little bit of both with their son who wasn’t talking yet the last time we met.

Conversation is indeed an art form but it is ever evolving. Some of that change includes technology and you can either keep up or fall behind.

[Jing Joe]

If you have ever seen on television the 'slapstick' comedy they have been brought up on, you will understand their mentality.

Hesitated mentioning slapstick comedy in my post about jokes. Humour is very culture/background oriented.

Not being disrespectful, but the difference between British and American humour is incredible.

Personally I find the latter unbearable and I'm an Aussie and yet TV humour here is mostly bordering on the latter also .

We sometimes watch slapstick on Thai Ch 4 satellite and prefer it to American, even not understanding much of the Thai.

Oh well; Live and let live laugh.

Edited March 8, 2016 by Jing Joe

[KC 71]

I wish i could speak fluent Thai but alas i can not.

Mind you it wouldn't really mean much here in the Far North as most people don't speak Thai anyway ! I like it when everyone's had a few drinks and talks at once hehe! I do wish i could speak their lingo more though as i love to crack jokes,

but we all seem to get by ok anyhow.To Have A sense of humour breaks all language barriers anyway so never mind.

[canuckamuck]

Simply put, the Thais around me don't know much about anything I am interested in, and vice versa.

It's disappointing, but there it is. The exception would be my wife who has seen and done a lot outside of Thailand.

[1FinickyOne]

My in-laws are simple unsophisticated people, but very nice - when I would return from trips overseas, they would ask about my parents and if the trip was ok, but after that - - they don't really know what to ask - if something happened that I thought was funny or might interest them, they always had the time to listen...

I would not say they are brilliant conversationalists with deep insights in philosophical matters, but they were mostly just glad I was back safely... sure, we all eat together occasionally and see each other every day as we share a family compound. But it is never similar to a conversation I would have with a farang friend.

[slipperylobster]

ask them how much money they make !

[maanoi]

Possibly an age thing as well??

[KC 71]

My mother in law thought all farrang came from the same country! Lol

Fornutunately there are people who speak english quite well here.noticed that My

[KC 71]

Nieces are picking up the english very well .i know that there is a long way to go English wise in comparison to Asean.but heh ,Rome wasn't built in a day !

[orchis]

I'm with the OP on this.

The times when I do try and make conversation, I get the feeling that they just want to shut the conversation down as soon as possible - hence one word answers, no responses/follow-on questions to something I've said. It almost seems uncomfortable to a lot of them to even engage in conversation - I have the impression they're thinking "what's this farang twit on about?"

If they do ask something, it's often pretty mundane and I've heard most of it before - can you eat spicy food? what football team do you support etc. ?

It's quite strange when you see groups of people en masse - e.g. at the DMV waiting to get a licence. There are often people who clearly know each other and have gone there together, however they just sit there in silence whereas in the West it would be a loud hum of chit-chat.

So now I don't bother apart from very brief pleasantries - a quick wai, a smile, ' how are you?' etc. and leave it at that.

This thread of full of the usual farang ethnocentric nonsense, but this one takes the cake. So because of your isolated observation at the DMV--which I doubt is even true--you're saying that Thais don't talk to each other? Are you freakin serious? Lordy.

Edited March 8, 2016 by orchis

[GlutinousMaximus]

This isn't the first time the topic has been raised on TV - see this well-written OP here in a similar vein: http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/734442-in-10-years-i-have-never-had-a-conversation-with-a-thai/

My Missus tells me Thais have a saying: "the more people you know, the more problems you'll have"

While there's probably some truth to that, it's indicative of a rather guarded social mindset.

In my experience, a lot of Thais keep themselves to themselves, fraternise with their close family and/or known associates and don't branch out much beyond that (socially speaking).

Let's not even get into the difficulties of forging of a proper, friendly and equitable relationship with Thai males.

[Berkshire]

This thread is full of the usual farang ethnocentric nonsense, but this one takes the cake. So because of your isolated observation at the DMV--which I doubt is even true--you're saying that Thais don't talk to each other? Are you freakin serious? Lordy.

Obviously the language barrier plays a huge part - if I could communicate freely in Thai using idioms,slang etc. then conversation might flow more freely.

I feel it's more than this however - that a cultural gulf exists, and that our frames of reference and cultural/conversational norms are vastly different.

These two points I can agree with. Put the two together and it becomes a monumental barrier. Unless both parties can put aside their differences and make an effort. Everything else is just noise. The point is neither side is better than the other, just different.

[KC 71]

I find Sanook goes a long way

I always go with my senses, if i feel someones taking me for a ride(c..nt) then i will politely let them know that i know and leave the building...just like Elvis lol

[Emster23]

The book Siam Smiles had good chapter on conversation. Limit questions to those that can be answered yes or no, no follow up questions. Similar suggestions I saw about how to talk to someone with Alzheimer's.

[dotpoom]

Very!!!!

I simply put it down to Thai's being extremely self centered... That seems like a huge negative Thai bashing comment, but it's not intended that way.

I'm very close with my In laws... But their interest in their daughter's and Grandson's life is a polar opposite to my folks in the UK.

I put it down to simply cultural difference...

If we've been on a holiday My Mother wants to know everything down to what we had for breakfast. Conversely my Thai In laws are not even interested in thr slightest.

Unfortunately I have to agree....when you mention "self centered". but having said that, I have mostly become a 'loner' within a couple of years after moving here. Initially, I made a lot of Farang friends and would often go out socializing with them. I am the type of person who is interested in people and what "makes them tick". I began to notice that whenever I started a conversation with one of them it quickly became all about them and not a word or question about what was going on in my life. I have seldom ,if ever, met a Farang in Thailand that wasn't totally wrapped up in himself.....Sad to say, but that has been my experience.

[MaeJoMTB]

I began to notice that whenever I started a conversation with one of them it quickly became all about them and not a word or question about what was going on in my life. I have seldom ,if ever, met a Farang in Thailand that wasn't totally wrapped up in himself.....Sad to say, but that has been my experience.

Maybe your life wasn't all that interesting to them?

All I can talk about is running, hiking and cycling ........

Not all that interesting to guys sitting in bars all day and chasing bar girls.

You need to carefully select your target audience.

[kjhbigv]

I don't even attempt to make conversation with the in-laws....lovely people but I only speak a bit of Thai and they speak zero English and really can't be doing with the wife translating thing! Even if we could communicate I don't think I would have much in common to chat about....eg. what do you think about the Syrian crisis?

Better just to potter around in my own world smiling and gesturing, if required!

Easy!

[nikmar]

My Thai Father in Law is a good man but not much to say. Not to me or his immediate family.

However, get a few drinks in him and just mention the name "Thaksin" and you cant shut him up. I learnt to swear in Thai off him.

[teacherpaul]

This is just another “Why don’t they do it my way?” topic. Why should Thais be expected to have Western style conversations? Okay you said, “meaningful” but that is based on your personal opinion of what is meaningful. If you are in the minority, isn’t it up to you to adjust to the way they communicate and try to talk about something they find interesting? Why do people expect Thais to be little Farangs and do everything our way?

Regardless of how good you think their English is, I have found all of my friends prefer to speak Thai, if for no other reason than it is more inclusive and doesn’t leave the majority of the people in the room wondering what is being said.

I, too, have conversational preferences but feel it is up to me to find people who are predisposed to the same kind of conversation and not try to change the habits of others to make it easier for me.

I think what people need to realise is that we are dealing with a developing country with people stuck in a medievel culture. You can't judge these people by our standards of decency and behaviour. As the old saying goes "never expect more from people who don't expect more from themselves".

[JaseTheBass]

I have travelled extensively for work for decades. No one at home in Australia cared to hear about what happened on my trips sometimes interesting stuff. I just didn't talk about travel anymore. So not just a Thai thing.

I've also found Thais and Australians to share many characteristics.

[Berkshire]

This is just another “Why don’t they do it my way?” topic. Why should Thais be expected to have Western style conversations? Okay you said, “meaningful” but that is based on your personal opinion of what is meaningful. If you are in the minority, isn’t it up to you to adjust to the way they communicate and try to talk about something they find interesting? Why do people expect Thais to be little Farangs and do everything our way?

Regardless of how good you think their English is, I have found all of my friends prefer to speak Thai, if for no other reason than it is more inclusive and doesn’t leave the majority of the people in the room wondering what is being said.

I, too, have conversational preferences but feel it is up to me to find people who are predisposed to the same kind of conversation and not try to change the habits of others to make it easier for me.

I think what people need to realise is that we are dealing with a developing country with people stuck in a medievel culture. You can't judge these people by our standards of decency and behaviour. As the old saying goes "never expect more from people who don't expect more from themselves".

Feeling a bit pompous and full of yourself? You're not fooling anybody.

[NancyL]

Do we always have such deep philosophical conversations when we're in a group? Do we always talk about deep, weighty subjects? Try to solve the world's problems?

This week Hubby and I rode to a Rotary project with two other club members -- a man who used to be a Scotland yard investigator and man from Hong Kong who was educated in expensive schools in the UK and speaks the "most proper" English of all of us. We were in the car together for several hours, riding to and from the Rotary project in the hills.

What did we talk about? Let's see. The driver is contemplating buying a new car, so we talked about cars, with Hubby and me jokingly urging him to spend his life's savings on a big Mercedes so we could ride to future Rotary projects in style and comfort. Forget all this nonsense about wanting to leave an inheritance to his children.

We touched on U.S. politics, but since it's such an embarrassment, Hubby and I disavowed any responsibility for The Donald, but we did fill them in on the details of the recent Chiang Mai Global Democratic Primary. That was about as serious as the conversation got.

We talked about the food at the recent Rotary meetings and speculated about why some of the missing members might have been missing.

We commented about the poor air quality and how we didn't actually see anyone burning. Yeah! But it was during the day on a weekday.

We managed to keep the chatter going, but not about much of anything at all. Was it deep serious conversation? No. Would a Thai person have found it interesting. Maybe the part about food and gossip about fellow Rotary club members if they knew them. Probably the part about cars, although the man's taste in cars doesn't match the usual Thai person's taste and he was interested in features like cameras and braking sensors.

But did we solve the world's problems? Talk philosophy? Get into any compare/contrast conversations based on our cultural differences? No.

[Bassosa]

Do we always have such deep philosophical conversations when we're in a group? Do we always talk about deep, weighty subjects? Try to solve the world's problems?

This week Hubby and I rode to a Rotary project with two other club members -- a man who used to be a Scotland yard investigator and man from Hong Kong who was educated in expensive schools in the UK and speaks the "most proper" English of all of us. We were in the car together for several hours, riding to and from the Rotary project in the hills.

What did we talk about? Let's see. The driver is contemplating buying a new car, so we talked about cars, with Hubby and me jokingly urging him to spend his life's savings on a big Mercedes so we could ride to future Rotary projects in style and comfort. Forget all this nonsense about wanting to leave an inheritance to his children.

We touched on U.S. politics, but since it's such an embarrassment, Hubby and I disavowed any responsibility for The Donald, but we did fill them in on the details of the recent Chiang Mai Global Democratic Primary. That was about as serious as the conversation got.

We talked about the food at the recent Rotary meetings and speculated about why some of the missing members might have been missing.

We commented about the poor air quality and how we didn't actually see anyone burning. Yeah! But it was during the day on a weekday.

We managed to keep the chatter going, but not about much of anything at all. Was it deep serious conversation? No. Would a Thai person have found it interesting. Maybe the part about food and gossip about fellow Rotary club members if they knew them. Probably the part about cars, although the man's taste in cars doesn't match the usual Thai person's taste and he was interested in features like cameras and braking sensors.

But did we solve the world's problems? Talk philosophy? Get into any compare/contrast conversations based on our cultural differences? No.

But you had a dialogue. An exchange.

You know, a two-way thing....

Edited March 11, 2016 by Bassosa

[NancyL]

Actually, it was four-way. Thai people seem to have four-way conversations when four of them are together. They don't sit together in silence. They talk about things of shared interest like we did, based on shared experiences. The four of us didn't try to solve the world's problems.

[Berkshire]

Actually, it was four-way. Thai people seem to have four-way conversations when four of them are together. They don't sit together in silence. They talk about things of shared interest like we did, based on shared experiences. The four of us didn't try to solve the world's problems.

Agree. Thais converse the same way as westerners and any suggestions otherwise is just untrue. When I'm around my farang friends, it's exactly the same as you. Mostly we talk about sports, politics...and women, as well as current events. We're not trying to solve the world's problems. Thais are the same. The way some farangs talk on this thread, you'd think they're constantly in deep discussion about world peace, quantum physics, western history, philosophy, etc., when mostly, they're talking about the tasty cleavage of the beer girl serving them.

Your honesty is refreshing.

[HaleySabai]

My mother in law thought all farrang came from the same country! Lol

Fornutunately there are people who speak english quite well here.noticed that My

I once heard an older Thai share an observation/question,and in a tone of complete innocence , was "in Farang world do man give birth to baby?"... huh! .... "see many farang man look very pregnant".....

No wonder conversation can be a struggle here.

In all seriousness, Thai people do converse with each other at similar topical levels(relatively speaking) and pace as a group of farang "buddies" may do in where-ever-land. However, the subject is not Thais yapping to Thais but the more interesting dynamic of Thais tonue-tied with Farangs.

The reasons behind this apparent estrangement seem to involve complex elements of culture,personality,education,alcohol or lack thereof ,time,place position of the moon et..... It's going to be different for every encounter....yet perhaps the same. Intellectual stimulation through the present-tense pipeline of chit-chat is always difficult to find....unless you happen to be in India. Hence,there is such a thing as 'Art of Conversation'.

Edited March 12, 2016 by HaleySabai