At Rock Rock Bottom!

[bkkmadness]

You might think (probably rightfully!) that i have no grip of reality but the situation outlined above is completely wide of the mark. She has no Thai friends in the UK, We have no assets to divide up and no children. She is pretty naive (although perhaps not as niave as me!), The very likely reaction from her family is shock and disappointment as I got on very well with them and i intend to keep in some contact with her mother who only showed kindness towards me.

I dont want to sound like an ###### here, but you thought she loved you for a number of years to and see how the situation has changed so recently. You may want to look into the future a bit and see how that situation may change further if it all gets a bit less friendly. And divorce is the one time when this is going to happen.

It might not, you may be lucky, but don't expect her to be the sweet naive angel forever, a good lawyer will soon put a stop to that.

I'm not worried abour assets, your future earnings may be a concern though. Are you aware of the rules regarding this? If not, make yourself aware, just in case.

[Nam Kao]

funfun,

Well it sounds like you will get off lightly, if you had assets or children you'd be in for one

heck of a ride right to the cleaners, at least with US laws, not sure what British laws are.

Take care

nam

[Nam Kao]

BKKmadness, it sounds like she worked so she would not be entitled to any alimony

If she stayed home and took care of him then its a problem

These are US laws though, dont know British, maybe same same

nam

[funfunfun]

yes she has (and is ) worked in the uk and gets about 2/3rds of my salary.

[rikpa]

The other posters have recommended dumping her and getting a lawyer ASAP, and this is the very best advice possible.

Especially getting a lawyer part, even if you don't have assets. You don't want to be on the hook for spousal support (or othe possible immigration-related stuff) for this woman, she doesn't deserve it!

What she does deserve is to be kicked to the curb with extreme prejudice. It is over, over OVER, and the sooner you accept this the quicker you will begin to heal and move on with your life. Seriously, do you want to spend the next however many years living with someone you will never really be able to trust again?

And I have been through a very similar situation, and my biggest mistake was not to run to a lawyer the very moment I had a suspicion things were going badly. Like someone else mentioned she has had a several month head-start on planning her new life, and you need to catch up as quickly as possdible and get your ducks in a row and PROTECT YOURELF!

Right now protecting yourself is the most important thing you can do. Do not hesitate to find out all of the possible legal ramifications, and cover your a**. I ended up losing my daughter because I didn't move quickly enough and, playing an old script, foolishly trusted my ex to act in an honorable way. That was the biggest mistake I could have ever made. Do not believe for one moment that she will behave honorably if she has already acted the way she has. She has already crossed a line that cannot be retraced.

What she has done is to declare war on you, whether you accept that or not, and in this situation it is foolish to give her any consideration. This is no longer about you and her, but about protecting yourself.

There is no point giving out false hopes here. There are cases where relationships survive this sort of thing and people reconcile, but that can only work if the person who acted this way accepts full responsibilty for their actions and shows genuine remorse, and a real desire to work it out, and you are willing to endure the painful journey to rebuilding trust. Otherwise you are totally wasting your time. Unless she is begging you for another chance, and showing you she will give her all to make it work, best to walk away and never look back, cuz there are many other fish in the sea, and there is really no reason to become discouraged because you hooked up with one bad apple.

I hope all goes well, it really sucks, I know.

[Beavis and Butthead]

Story sounds familiar. My American ex-wife bedded a guy on her 1st trip away from me also. She came back after a week demanding divorce which I did not want. Family urged me to grant it so I did in the minimum wait time by law (4 months in CT). We agreed to a no contest divorce where she had no lawyer and I had one who drew up agreement. We had 200K in joint assets and she agreed to take 10K. We both got married at 25 and divorced at 31. I'm now living happily ever after with a 20 y/o tg and am now 45. She is in US married to African American and is the size of the Good Year Blimp. She has no assets now

Edited November 5, 2006 by Beavis and Butthead

[Nam Kao]

Yes if she was begging for another chance i'd give it to her, no one is perfect, esp me.

I am wondering here, if she states she never loved him and was possibly just trying to

get out of Thai and into England, could they kick her out?

[Nam Kao]

>>>We had 200K in joint assets and she agreed to take 10K

wow that was good!

[Jamie]

All of these stories of relationships going south has really made me wonder if having a pre-nup drawn up is the way to go today. I've seen it too much, with friends and family...you may be totally in love and think nothing can go wrong, but things don't always last.

[funfunfun]

Yes if she was begging for another chance i'd give it to her, no one is perfect, esp me.

I am wondering here, if she states she never loved him and was possibly just trying to

get out of Thai and into England, could they kick her out?

Thats the way it sounds but not the way it was. She was never that keen to live in the UK - we only came because my mother was very ill. Once settled here though she has loved it.

[meom]

If the roles were reversed and she was a guy and you a woman then I guess the Swiss would be the Mia Noi.

Considering this you might be able to work something out that's beneficial for all parties specially once she starts earning more than you

Edited November 5, 2006 by meom

[ronz28]

There are too many fish in the sea to get hung up over her. If she wants to go ... just let go..... There are plenty more women out there to choose from...

[pumpuiman]

buy her a ticket to switzerland...one way. Then drive from the airport to your lawyers office.

[funfunfun]

buy her a ticket to switzerland...one way. Then drive from the airport to your lawyers office.

probably the reason she hasnt done this is the homeoffice have had her passport for the last 3 months for her application.

[Nam Kao]

>>>>All of these stories of relationships going south has really made me wonder if having a pre-nup drawn up is the way to go today. I've seen it too much, with friends and family...you may be totally in love and think nothing can go wrong, but things don't always last.

In the US the divorce rate is 60% and the guy gets taken to the cleaners every time. I could tell you

stories about some close friends that would curl your hair! My own mother is a blackwidow, she

goes after guys with money and cleans em out. She started with zero and now has 30M USD

just from doing this. She even instructs my sisters how to do it. I had a American GF who turned

into a real loser/drugs etc and i finished her and my Mom was very angry with me saying "Why

did you finish her!! Do you know how much money her family has!!! Even to this day she brings

it up. And then i married a poor Thai girl and she was really steamed.

But i have noticed something, the guys in the US are starting to learn and now they seem just

to play along with them then dump em and get a new one and really treat em like garbage.

Most are afraid to marry now, At least the ones with assets to lose.

Stay on top of your game!

-nam

[Dave the Dude]

Yes if she was begging for another chance i'd give it to her, no one is perfect, esp me.

I am wondering here, if she states she never loved him and was possibly just trying to

get out of Thai and into England, could they kick her out?

Thats the way it sounds but not the way it was. She was never that keen to live in the UK - we only came because my mother was very ill. Once settled here though she has loved it.

Hi Fun Fun Fun

She lied to you bout loving you, so how do you know for sure that she wasnt interested in getting into the UK ?? I'v been in a relationship that went sour after 20YEARS!!! so your suprise/depression/dis-belief she isnt bad, are all feelings I understand. I did the going out and getting p***ed with mates then went teetotal for about 6 months while I sorted my life out.You will feel like you are suddenly meeting guys who will all have their own horror stories bout g/f's and I did not believe my (ex) wife could be so nasty once lawyers were involved. BELIEVE ME, the love of your life will BE THE SAME!!. Remember whoever leaves the 'home' will have nearly no chance of getting back in. I like the idea of buying her a ticket to see the Alps.

Can I just say your life IS NOT OVER and you can/and probably will be happy again. I am, I have sold everything if value in the UK.Built a house in Issan and will be marrying a wonderful kind Thai lady next year

GOOD LUCK, (YOU NEED A HOLIDAY! )

[Dave the Dude]

>>>>All of these stories of relationships going south has really made me wonder if having a pre-nup drawn up is the way to go today. I've seen it too much, with friends and family...you may be totally in love and think nothing can go wrong, but things don't always last.

In the US the divorce rate is 60% and the guy gets taken to the cleaners every time. I could tell you

stories about some close friends that would curl your hair! My own mother is a blackwidow, she

goes after guys with money and cleans em out. She started with zero and now has 30M USD

just from doing this. She even instructs my sisters how to do it. I had a American GF who turned

into a real loser/drugs etc and i finished her and my Mom was very angry with me saying "Why

did you finish her!! Do you know how much money her family has!!! Even to this day she brings

it up. And then i married a poor Thai girl and she was really steamed.

But i have noticed something, the guys in the US are starting to learn and now they seem just

to play along with them then dump em and get a new one and really treat em like garbage.

Most are afraid to marry now, At least the ones with assets to lose.

Stay on top of your game!

-nam

Hi Nam Kao

This all sound familiar.Its the same in the UK. I know, cos I dont even want to remember how much I lost. But and a big but, I am now happy with my Thai g/f who has more kindness in her little toe that most g/f's I'v met in the UK

[funfunfun]

Yes if she was begging for another chance i'd give it to her, no one is perfect, esp me.

I am wondering here, if she states she never loved him and was possibly just trying to

get out of Thai and into England, could they kick her out?

Thats the way it sounds but not the way it was. She was never that keen to live in the UK - we only came because my mother was very ill. Once settled here though she has loved it.

Hi Fun Fun Fun

She lied to you bout loving you, so how do you know for sure that she wasnt interested in getting into the UK ?? I'v been in a relationship that went sour after 20YEARS!!! so your suprise/depression/dis-belief she isnt bad, are all feelings I understand. I did the going out and getting p***ed with mates then went teetotal for about 6 months while I sorted my life out.You will feel like you are suddenly meeting guys who will all have their own horror stories bout g/f's and I did not believe my (ex) wife could be so nasty once lawyers were involved. BELIEVE ME, the love of your life will BE THE SAME!!. Remember whoever leaves the 'home' will have nearly no chance of getting back in. I like the idea of buying her a ticket to see the Alps.

Can I just say your life IS NOT OVER and you can/and probably will be happy again. I am, I have sold everything if value in the UK.Built a house in Issan and will be marrying a wonderful kind Thai lady next year

GOOD LUCK, (YOU NEED A HOLIDAY! )

She said she didn't lie as she expected to grow to love me.

[sonnyJ]

Fun,Fun,Fun, You should get out of this mess ASAP.

I can relate very much to the idea of an inexperienced maybe naive thai girl. Anyway it's her life and she must face the consequences.

Hope she will take the lesson.

Cheers

[Maestro]

Oh and my wife conveniently will be receiving her British citizenship any day soon! I have accused her of completely using me

You say you’re not vindictive but if it is important to you then you should write to the appropriate office and tell them that you have reason to believe that your wife married you only in order to obtain British citizenship by deception and suggest that they should deny her application. They may not grant your request, but at least you can try.

---------------

Maestro

[GuestHouse]

Some more comments, if you don't mind.

Your relationship with her family - Forget it. They will turn on you and throw you in the fire, there is absolutely no way they will choose you or side with you over their daughter. Very few English families would do that, no Thai family will ever side against their own.

Do youself a favour, go see a lawyer.

Oh and why do I see a sudden pregnancy coming along when the doors she believes are open start closing in front of her?

CONDOMS, and not just because she's been putting about.

Do not let yourself be set up any more than you have been.

Get her out and move on.

Alternatively.

Sit there like a sop and wait for her to decide if she wants to throw you in the trash or keep you for a back up plan.

Edited November 5, 2006 by GuestHouse

[udon]

lawyers will not be involved. We really really have no assets - a grand and a half in debt but no assets and no mortgage. Apart from what ive outlined in the original post my wife is genuinely one of the most honest and decent peole i have ever met.

Still in cloud cuckoo land.

Married in the West...... big mistake!

Dump her & move on, you're flogging a dead horse. Wake up!

Time is a great healer, you'll get over it, but you won't forget her.

I never think about my ex wife but I do think about a Thai GF who turned into a thief.... stupid, ain't it

edit: you need to talk to Scouse about your wife's status in the UK, unfortunately for you, he's on hols in Thailand for the next 2 weeks, I'll try to draw his attention to your post.

Edited November 5, 2006 by udon

[AmeriThai]

The OP describes being at “rock bottom” and life is in shambles. The reason stated is because “a week ago my wife told me that she doesn’t love me, has never really loved me and that she loves someone else”. It’s further stated that his wife is obsessed over a Swiss man who has already told her to never call him again after she revealed she loved him. But the poster also states that he is obsessed with his wife. Whether one day or six years, obsession is still obsession. The difference is that over time, the OP has developed a greater emotional attachment to his wife.

A ‘proposal’ has been considered to divorce but that the then ex-wife would still live with the OP. That’s clearly not sound thinking. The OP is still reeling over the shock of the sudden revelation by his wife, which is shown by describing the effect of the event like being “At Rock Rock Bottom”.

Funfunfun,

As difficult as the circumstances seem now, it may feel like you’re at rock bottom, but you aren’t because there are still solutions. But YOU need to act on those solutions, NOT try to fine reasons to avoid them.

Unfortunately, it sounds like you’ve already decided on the course of action you want to take. The question is whether or not it’s the right choice. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but it sounds like you’re trying to find some way of justifying things by disregarding suggestions made by others.

Your wife may be the nicest person in the world, but that doesn’t change her own thinking. You’ve indicated she wants a divorce, but she wants to live with you and see other men. In other words, you’re simply postponing the inevitable. The longer you delay separation, the more difficult the stress may become when she makes another choice. To be honest, it sounds like she’s not all that sure what she wants to do either.

If you think the marriage is worth salvaging, then I’d suggest you both go see a reputable marriage counselor. A counselor will listen to both of you objectively and make some suggestions that both of you should do to try to repair your marriage, assuming both of you are willing to repair it. The outcome will result in one of two things: you’ll either repair the marriage and possibly make the marriage even stronger than ever, or, separation will be recommended.

If you both do decide to divorce, then you need to cut the cord and let her go. If you try to stay together after a divorce, you will not be doing any favors to either yourself or to her. She needs to move on so she can get on with her own life and make her own decisions. She isn’t a child that needs to be looked after and you would have to allow her to seek her own opportunities. If you really care about her well-being not to mention your own, to do otherwise would be very selfish and would not be helpful to anyone.

[funfunfun]

The OP describes being at “rock bottom” and life is in shambles. The reason stated is because “a week ago my wife told me that she doesn’t love me, has never really loved me and that she loves someone else”. It’s further stated that his wife is obsessed over a Swiss man who has already told her to never call him again after she revealed she loved him. But the poster also states that he is obsessed with his wife. Whether one day or six years, obsession is still obsession. The difference is that over time, the OP has developed a greater emotional attachment to his wife.

A ‘proposal’ has been considered to divorce but that the then ex-wife would still live with the OP. That’s clearly not sound thinking. The OP is still reeling over the shock of the sudden revelation by his wife, which is shown by describing the effect of the event like being “At Rock Rock Bottom”.

Funfunfun,

As difficult as the circumstances seem now, it may feel like you’re at rock bottom, but you aren’t because there are still solutions. But YOU need to act on those solutions, NOT try to fine reasons to avoid them.

Unfortunately, it sounds like you’ve already decided on the course of action you want to take. The question is whether or not it’s the right choice. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but it sounds like you’re trying to find some way of justifying things by disregarding suggestions made by others.

Your wife may be the nicest person in the world, but that doesn’t change her own thinking. You’ve indicated she wants a divorce, but she wants to live with you and see other men. In other words, you’re simply postponing the inevitable. The longer you delay separation, the more difficult the stress may become when she makes another choice. To be honest, it sounds like she’s not all that sure what she wants to do either.

If you think the marriage is worth salvaging, then I’d suggest you both go see a reputable marriage counselor. A counselor will listen to both of you objectively and make some suggestions that both of you should do to try to repair your marriage, assuming both of you are willing to repair it. The outcome will result in one of two things: you’ll either repair the marriage and possibly make the marriage even stronger than ever, or, separation will be recommended.

If you both do decide to divorce, then you need to cut the cord and let her go. If you try to stay together after a divorce, you will not be doing any favors to either yourself or to her. She needs to move on so she can get on with her own life and make her own decisions. She isn’t a child that needs to be looked after and you would have to allow her to seek her own opportunities. If you really care about her well-being not to mention your own, to do otherwise would be very selfish and would not be helpful to anyone.

Thank you, i think there is some good advice there!

Now whether i take it or not is entirely different.

Thank you to everyone who has taken time to offer some advice - it really is appreciated.

[Donz]

Bad luck, ofcourse she used you.

Just get out and move on, this relationship is definately over.

Atleast she told you that and was finally honest in the end (she still a f@##@# bitch) but atleast she didnt just disapear like what some of the members ex gf's did.

[ray23]

Well welcome to the club, trust me it's a huge one. Not dealing in reality, no your not and nobody does at first in these situations.

You keep looking for what you did worng and you probably did make some mistakes most of us do, but that doesn't make you a jerk, it only makes you human.

It's intersting for the first time sounds like she is telling you at least some of the truth and you simply don't want to beleive it. It's easier to beleive the lies because they go down better. Why would you want to look at the e-mail she has told you what is happening. What is it now you don't want to believe her?

You have a long road ahead of you just to be in another trusting realtionship and the sooner you get on it the sooner things will be better in your life.

You metioned that you could handle her indescretion if it were only a weekend thing, do you really mean that? Or are you just deciding to be a victim cause you now realize you have no control of this aspect of your life.

I have been through three devoirces and into my fourth marriage. Never once did I get married with the thought of getting devoirced. But I can tell you that today it is until death do us part or the judge signs the documents. Now that is real world.

So I guess the only thing left is did you post this cause you wanted to vent or were you looking for real answers, you've been given the answers. Now it's up to you, by her and the forum members.

You know you just had one of lifes major Butt kickings, you've been knocked on the ground, now you have to decide if you want to be a winner in life or a loser. Will all get knocked down winners gte up and try again losers stay on the ground. Which want do you want to be? It's all up to you. You have only lost control of your life if that is what you have decided.

As long as you stay in that situation you have choosen to stay on the ground. You have shut down any chance of being a winner in life, if don't get off the ground.

Your thinking you will never have love agian, well wake up you haven't had it yet, and your not going to have it there. There will be others in your life and if your lucky you may find one that you love and that loves you pasionately. That may only be for a while but to have lived a life and not to have known that is a true tragedy. Stay there and you have no chance of ever having that.

In the end it's not my life, it' not a forum members and not even your wives, it's yours and it is up to you to decide what you want. Whatever that is you have to put 100% into it and thereare no guarantees, but that is just life for everybody

Good Luck

[Donz]

Well welcome to the club, trust me it's a huge one. Not dealing in reality, no your not and nobody does at first in these situations.

You keep looking for what you did worng and you probably did make some mistakes most of us do, but that doesn't make you a jerk, it only makes you human.

It's intersting for the first time sounds like she is telling you at least some of the truth and you simply don't want to beleive it. It's easier to beleive the lies because they go down better. Why would you want to look at the e-mail she has told you what is happening. What is it now you don't want to believe her?

You have a long road ahead of you just to be in another trusting realtionship and the sooner you get on it the sooner things will be better in your life.

You metioned that you could handle her indescretion if it were only a weekend thing, do you really mean that? Or are you just deciding to be a victim cause you now realize you have no control of this aspect of your life.

I have been through three devoirces and into my fourth marriage. Never once did I get married with the thought of getting devoirced. But I can tell you that today it is until death do us part or the judge signs the documents. Now that is real world.

So I guess the only thing left is did you post this cause you wanted to vent or were you looking for real answers, you've been given the answers. Now it's up to you, by her and the forum members.

You know you just had one of lifes major Butt kickings, you've been knocked on the ground, now you have to decide if you want to be a winner in life or a loser. Will all get knocked down winners gte up and try again losers stay on the ground. Which want do you want to be? It's all up to you. You have only lost control of your life if that is what you have decided.

As long as you stay in that situation you have choosen to stay on the ground. You have shut down any chance of being a winner in life, if don't get off the ground.

Your thinking you will never have love agian, well wake up you haven't had it yet, and your not going to have it there. There will be others in your life and if your lucky you may find one that you love and that loves you pasionately. That may only be for a while but to have lived a life and not to have known that is a true tragedy. Stay there and you have no chance of ever having that.

In the end it's not my life, it' not a forum members and not even your wives, it's yours and it is up to you to decide what you want. Whatever that is you have to put 100% into it and thereare no guarantees, but that is just life for everybody

Good Luck

This post is the post the OP should read very carefully. Couldnt of said it any better.

[Jockstar]

ive got no one (other than my wife!!) to talk this through with

Don't you have friends you can talk to? Boot her out. Tell people what a bitch she is and kick her into touch. I dont believe she is entitled to any of your earnings as you have no kids and she is the one who ######ed around on you.

[Cpt_M0ney_Sh0t]

How could you even touch her, knowing she raped your heart, how could you kiss her and taste another man's loins on her lips? Fool, dump that whore on the streets were she belongs. And for your own sake grow a spine and have some respect for your self. Is not your love worth more than that? Are you not entilteld to somone better? I might have killed the bitch. Seriously.... or threated to take a hit on one of her family members unless she leaves and revokes her citizenship rights. Ugh I get a nasty taste in my mouth just reading that story......though I doubt it's quite as bad as the one you have.

[Tornado]

I feel bad for you mate, you sound like a nice bloke.

You will get through this, but you have to get her out of your life first, that is a cert.

I hope it all goes well for you.