Uncertain Future

[Nam Kao]

Mark, if you go to Thai, dress smartly (Kevlar)

good luck

nam

[bino]

i like to believe/hope she'll realize what she got here in the UK compared to what she had in BKK and perhaps she may make some changes

This isn't going to happen if you make the trip to Thailand, and why she needs to make the trip alone. The old cliche rings true- you don't know what you have until it is gone.

If you and son go with her to Thailand... what will she see as missing from her life, and need to change?

Edited November 7, 2006 by bino

[mark henry]

i like to believe/hope she'll realize what she got here in the UK compared to what she had in BKK and perhaps she may make some changes

This isn't going to happen if you make the trip to Thailand, and why she needs to make the trip alone. The old cliche rings true- you don't know what you have until it is gone.

If you and son go with her to Thailand... what will she see as missing from her life, and need to change?

The other cliche- If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it is meant to be.

Of course i also need to show some fexability, understanding towards her.

Why? She has used you / lied to you / cheated on you. Have you gotten screaming mad over it yet? Maybe smashed a little crockery on the floor? Or- have you just been Mister flexible and understanding..... her lap dog?

Reakon there's always an inbalance in a relationship and perhaps one of you needs to be the "adult" and lead the way?... maybe.

Seems like she is the one doing the leading / in control of this situation! Has you right where she wants you..... by the short hairs!

Already done what you have suggested, year+ ago sent her home for a couple of weeks. Yes maybe i am being a "lap dog" or you could say i'm trying to to show her by example?

Anyway i think some folks are gettin irritated by this post and perhaps it's gone as far as it can? So can i request it's a closed topic now?

Thanks again.

[britmaveric]

mark - well when you ask for advice on these matters you will get all sorts whether you agree with it or not. In the end its your life, and you ultimately know whats best for yourself.

[Nam Kao]

Dont close it, this is very valuable info for future guys heading over to Thai

Plus lets hear how it all turns out

thanks

nam

[mark henry]

Dont close it, this is very valuable info for future guys heading over to Thai

Plus lets hear how it all turns out

thanks

nam

I will. Thanks

[jcgodber]

Hi Mark: Others here have givin some very good advice. Sometimes a 3rd party standing back and viewing the big picture can see more clearly.

Firstly, if the wife does not love you any more, there is really not too much that you can do about that. In your post you had mentioned that she does not –

“Want a loving/sharing/equal relationship.”

“I don't ask anything from her (affection, sex, sharing of feelings ect) and continue to provide for her (and family) then no probs.”

It is my gut feeling that she just might have never really loved you and that you were the way to a better life. You mentioned that you are “not a high earner” but I would just bet that what you do earn provides a way higher standard of living than she had back in Thailand.

You have been a meal ticket for both her and her family, as you send money back home.

Her talking about “loosing “ you once you are back in Thailand, my, how convenient for her? Again, why are you returning to Thailand? There is nothing for you there. By packing up you family and traveling back to the families door step so to speak, just makes it very easy for your wife to then just dump you and send you off on your way ALONE.

More gut feelings; I would then guess that she would then once again be in the “market” for a rich falang.

Most of your money is wrapped up in your home as you are now in the 8th year of your mortgage. You will now have a very nice chunk of money in equity. I would re-finance your home and take just as much money out as you possibly can and “hide” it in a place that she or the law can’t get it.

I would as previously suggested, gain control of you child’s passport.

I would then allow her to return to Thailand ALONE. You need to keep very tight control of you money so as he could not buy two plane tickets and try to run off. If she has any credit cards, get them and cut them up.

Bottom line, Don’t take the trip back to Thailand

[ThaiPauly]

Hi Mark: Others here have givin some very good advice. Sometimes a 3rd party standing back and viewing the big picture can see more clearly.

Firstly, if the wife does not love you any more, there is really not too much that you can do about that. In your post you had mentioned that she does not –

“Want a loving/sharing/equal relationship.”

“I don't ask anything from her (affection, sex, sharing of feelings ect) and continue to provide for her (and family) then no probs.”

It is my gut feeling that she just might have never really loved you and that you were the way to a better life. You mentioned that you are “not a high earner” but I would just bet that what you do earn provides a way higher standard of living than she had back in Thailand.

You have been a meal ticket for both her and her family, as you send money back home.

Her talking about “loosing “ you once you are back in Thailand, my, how convenient for her? Again, why are you returning to Thailand? There is nothing for you there. By packing up you family and traveling back to the families door step so to speak, just makes it very easy for your wife to then just dump you and send you off on your way ALONE.

More gut feelings; I would then guess that she would then once again be in the “market” for a rich falang.

Most of your money is wrapped up in your home as you are now in the 8th year of your mortgage. You will now have a very nice chunk of money in equity. I would re-finance your home and take just as much money out as you possibly can and “hide” it in a place that she or the law can’t get it.

I would as previously suggested, gain control of you child’s passport.

I would then allow her to return to Thailand ALONE. You need to keep very tight control of you money so as he could not buy two plane tickets and try to run off. If she has any credit cards, get them and cut them up.

Bottom line, Don’t take the trip back to Thailand

VERY SOUND ADVICE.

ARE YOU GONNA TAKE IT MARK?

[ThaiPauly]

yeah go for it.

a holiday in LOS is what you need.

I can post stoopid 1 liners about you being a <deleted> when they find bits of your body laying around

P.S. got any pics of ya wife ?

Got some pics on my yahoo photo file but would'nt know how to put them on here?

Mark, Kurgen is just winding you up... What he is saying this that if you are found out that you had been found dead then he would "take care your wife if she was a nice bit of totty"

But of course he is only joking

[Johpa]

I reckon that after 20 years of marriage to a Thai and nearly 30 years experience in Thailand, my experience would indicate that 90% of the marriages of Farang men to Thai women will end in disaster. Play the odds and keep the kid either home or in your sight 24/7 when in Thailand. And make it clear that if she splits with the kid, there will be no financial support in the future unless the child remains with you.

A Thai woman going to a marriage counselor,

[midas]

Yes maybe i am being a "lap dog"

Mark - if a woman sees that you are willing

to be " lap dog " to her - to use your own words -

they start to resent you eventually. You

already said there was no / little intimacy left

- wake up and face reality.....................

If you still come to Thailand just for a bit of

escapism - think NOW what it will be like when

you arrive back at London Heathrow on a cold

grey November / December morning

- eventually reality will BITE !

[mark henry]

yeah go for it.

a holiday in LOS is what you need.

I can post stoopid 1 liners about you being a <deleted> when they find bits of your body laying around

P.S. got any pics of ya wife ?

Got some pics on my yahoo photo file but would'nt know how to put them on here?

Mark, Kurgen is just winding you up... What he is saying this that if you are found out that you had been found dead then he would "take care your wife if she was a nice bit of totty"

But of course he is only joking

Oh..i'm just a tad slow! Sorry she ain't a stunner, at least not for Thailand, over here she still turns heads though!

[mark henry]

I reckon that after 20 years of marriage to a Thai and nearly 30 years experience in Thailand, my experience would indicate that 90% of the marriages of Farang men to Thai women will end in disaster. Play the odds and keep the kid either home or in your sight 24/7 when in Thailand. And make it clear that if she splits with the kid, there will be no financial support in the future unless the child remains with you.

A Thai woman going to a marriage counselor,

Thanks, this is the best advice i'v had or at least the best advice i wanted to hear!

My wife has never had a counsellor but our Mid-wife recognising we had problems got a Thai woman who worked as a counsellor/interpreter ffor various organisations to come and talk through some "issues". But me thinks it went through one and out the other!

[mark henry]

Hi Mark: Others here have givin some very good advice. Sometimes a 3rd party standing back and viewing the big picture can see more clearly.

Firstly, if the wife does not love you any more, there is really not too much that you can do about that. In your post you had mentioned that she does not –

“Want a loving/sharing/equal relationship.”

“I don't ask anything from her (affection, sex, sharing of feelings ect) and continue to provide for her (and family) then no probs.”

It is my gut feeling that she just might have never really loved you and that you were the way to a better life. You mentioned that you are “not a high earner” but I would just bet that what you do earn provides a way higher standard of living than she had back in Thailand.

You have been a meal ticket for both her and her family, as you send money back home.

Her talking about “loosing “ you once you are back in Thailand, my, how convenient for her? Again, why are you returning to Thailand? There is nothing for you there. By packing up you family and traveling back to the families door step so to speak, just makes it very easy for your wife to then just dump you and send you off on your way ALONE.

More gut feelings; I would then guess that she would then once again be in the “market” for a rich falang.

Most of your money is wrapped up in your home as you are now in the 8th year of your mortgage. You will now have a very nice chunk of money in equity. I would re-finance your home and take just as much money out as you possibly can and “hide” it in a place that she or the law can’t get it.

I would as previously suggested, gain control of you child’s passport.

I would then allow her to return to Thailand ALONE. You need to keep very tight control of you money so as he could not buy two plane tickets and try to run off. If she has any credit cards, get them and cut them up.

Bottom line, Don’t take the trip back to Thailand

Sorry, your a little off line here. She ain't married to me for finanacial gain, i work for the local authority, compared to some of you guys it's really beer money what i get! Besides which i send home only what she gave to her family when she was working in BKK + she gets no pocket money from me!

I think she has/does? love me but love for most (all?) Thai's is very, very different from love as we (most) westerners would perceive it..romantic that it is'nt thats for sure.

As for sex, well she simply says it's not important for her! I have heard mentioned a Thai women in general consider sex after kids and into their late thirties/forties as bing scorned on, dirty even? Only what i heard , on this forum i thinks.

Feelings, i think this is fairly common amongst Thai's they just don't share them much, particularly, oddly enought, with their Husbands!

I will without hesitation be taking my Sons passport and hers + airline tickets pretty much as soon as we land in BKK.

p.s she got no credit cards and as far as i know no savings.

[englishoak]

OK so you've decided to go to Thailand I agree with all the posters that it is a bad idea IMHO.

Is it at all possible to leave your son with your mum and go for a holiday only with your wife? Not sure about the excuse but you can think of something i'm sure.

This would

1) keep your son in the UK ( priority no1)

2) Allow you to spend time with your wife (and access the situation)

3) It will give you security for your health.

4) If you decide it's all over just cut up her ticket and come home.

5) Engage Divorce proceedings there and come home pronto to liquidate your assets, hide them etc

Why do I get the impression that despite aLL the signs of a problem coming you are more bothered about a hoiliday and loosing a few £ than looking at the real picture of possibly loosing a small fortune AND your son ?

Whatever you do I wish you good luck!

[Maizefarmer]

Mark

There are some light hearted comments on this thread and there are some more serious ones - either way you realy need to get professional advise.

So I am going to restrict my comments to protecting the house - and offering you this advise I do so against a background of the experiance of a friend of mine who divorced his Thai wife and mother of their 3 year old child some 5 and a half years into their marriage (about 2 years ago).

He was faced with exactly this problem i.e. how to protect the house against any claim she intended to make against it come the final divorce settlement - and true form, yes - she tried to get the house. She failed.

This is what was done to protect the house:

Through a company registration office (loads of them on the internet in the UK) he got his parents to register a straight forward off-the-shelf UK limited company for £100 or £150 (something around there). He used his parents as the company directors and "sold" the house to the company, thereby taking legal ownership out of his hands and into the hands of an entity he knew he could trust but which he had no legal connection to.

This was effectively a sale and transfer of ownership - which was perfectly legal and required only the agreement of the mortgage company - who as a matter of course will agree if all the financial figures add up.

Note: the parents were not the owners of the company - they were the directors.

So just who did now own the company? Read on:

A trust structure was set up, to be more precise an off-shore trust structure in the BVI (British Virgin Islands). The trust "adminstrators" then filed papers declaring the beneficiaries of the trust assets (which in this case meant the house) to be the guys parents.

Then the trust was named in the UK companies house registration papers as the shareholder of the UK registered company.

This meant that the UK company assets were belonged to and were owned by the trust.

The son/husband would then pay the UK registered company "rent" each month equivilant to the mortgage. The company in turn used the rent to pay the mortgage. A little extra was added on so as to make it look more plausible as a commercial transaction (i.e. a more realistic rent).

The result: he was no longer legaly the owner of the property but the tenant and a worst case scenario in the divorce settlement was that the court would order him to pay maintenance by way of rent - effectively paying "rent" on a property he which was ultimately his. This was no more than he would be doing in any event - married or not.

The reasoning was that despite having a roof over her head, the wife would in any event at some point get the hel_l in with the UK (and it's lousey weather) and decide to return to Thailand (which in due course is exactly what she did do!).

The key to all this Mark was the BVI trust.

Beneficiaries to BVI trusts are confidential i.e. it is not publicly availbe information and the BVI courts are very reluctant to issue orders forcing beneficial ownership to be decleared - it is this very law that allows the BVI to be used as a jurisdiction to conceal ultimate ownership of assets which makes it the tax & asset haven it is.

All in all the whole process took 3 weeks to set up and cost just under £2000 - a fair whack maybe, but a somewhat insignificant sum when you consider the alternative was possibly the loss of a £245 000 house!

Naturally this was all done discreetly without letting the wife know.

They did divorce and she was all geared up to claim the house - her lawyer suggested it as part of the settlement process (lawyers speak for we will be seeking the house as part of the settlement), but once it was explained to him by the husbands lawyer that the house was not an asset but a rented property, the matter was dropped.

As aniticpated he had to pay maintenance and this amounted to more-or-less the rent equivilant.

In due course (about 9 months later) the now ex-wife decided to return to Thailand.

During those 9 months his lawyer prepeared and successfully argued that it was in the childs best interests to remain in the UK, and ultimately he got custody - although he got great pleasure in successfully protecting the house, he got no pleasure in proceeding with the custody order, and has since offered to pay for moms travel expense to visit the child twice a year in the UK.

She took the offer up once , but not again - which he concluded was an action in its self which justified his initial argument i.e. that the child would be best off him.

The house remains "owned" like this and while I don't understand all the financial ins & outs I do understand that the additional "rent" he has had to pay is used in some way or another partly tax deductable!

I hope you find something useful amongst all this. PM me if I can help you anymore.

Tim

[JacknDanny]

I will without hesitation be taking my Sons passport and hers + airline tickets pretty much as soon as we land in BKK.

p.s she got no credit cards and as far as i know no savings.

Mark,

What is the point of taking charge of the passports and tickets of son/wife, AFTER you have arrived in Thailand. She will have no use for them, if she plans to stay here with your son.

I can just see the scenario " Just nipping out to 7/11 with littl'un do you want anything Tilac"

And that will be the last you see of them, off to the village, son taken care of by Grandma, wife back to work in Bangkok.

If you do think this holiday is so important, just take the wife. Tell her that you need to sort out your problems and you cannot do that with your son in earshot

[helicoptor]

[austallia_1980]

Here is what you do Mark:

Go to Thailand. Take her thai passport, her UK passport, your ATM cards, and leave with your child in the middle of the night. Leave her 1000 baht.

Go back to the UK. Report to the authorities that she is a drug user and gave you your kid and passport and threathen to kill you if you didnt leave immediately.

Then send message to her that if she come to the UK, that you WILL KILL HER. That is right, SHE WILL UNDERSTAND THAT.

You tell her that you will send X baht/month to smoothe things over... She WILL go back to the GO GO BARS....

At this point, you need to hire a Private Detective to take photos of her going with other men... You can now legally end the marriage in Thailand because she is cheating on you with other men...

Be smart mate.

[Livinginexile]

Hi guys

Just read the last few posts (don't have a computer, use works!). Bit harsh are'nt you? I am listening to your advice and take on board your concerns (if thats what they really are?). Apologies too if you think i'm wasting your time, i don't consider i am, of course if you do then go read another post!

I have made my descion in that i'm going to go to LOS and i'll be careful and get out if it looks threatening in any way. My goal is to try and save my marriage if i can for the sake of my child (and my happiness). Despite everything i'v said about my wife's behaviour i like to believe/hope she'll realize what she got here in the UK compared to what she had in BKK and perhaps she may make some changes, can but try. Of course i also need to show some fexability, understanding towards her.

Reakon there's always an inbalance in a relationship and perhaps one of you needs to be the "adult" and lead the way?... maybe.

This guy gets off on the drama of it all, co dependant is the term they use for these kind of unfortunates. They believe they don't deserve anything better. Its likely thats the reason he married her in the first place....for the drama of it all.

No matter what anyone here says he is going to LOS. I think its really sad and selfish that he does not take the wellfare of his son into consideration.

Ignore him, he's just a sad ass loser that deserves all he gets.