America seen from abroad: arrogant, nice, tech-savvy, free

[rooster59]

America seen from abroad: arrogant, nice, tech-savvy, free

 

VIJAY JOSHI, Associated Press

 

BANGKOK (AP) — The rest of the world may think Americans eat a lot of burgers, have huge shopping malls and are ruled by an arrogant government. And yet the "Ugly American," it would seem, isn't all bad. Americans are also seen from afar as generous tippers, friendly, uncomplicated, rich and the standard bearers of freedom, equality, creativity and technological power.

 

While many Americans feel their nation is divided as never before, a sampling of the rest of the world reflects a more charitable view.

___

EDITOR'S NOTE — This story is part of Divided America, AP's ongoing exploration of the economic, social and political divisions in American society. ___ Generations in Asia, Africa, Europe and Latin America have grown up under the influence of the superpower U.S. and have felt awe and envy. America permeated their lives — through comics and Coke, through Hollywood and Neil Armstrong, and via the internet, iPhone and Facebook. It has been seen as the land of plenty, freedom and equality where Indian migrants could head behemoths like Google, Microsoft and Pepsi, and a South African could capture the imagination with an electric car. And after 9/11, the world grieved with America.

 

Yet, America's admirers have felt betrayed by other shades of the American character: the military interventions in Vietnam, Iraq and elsewhere; the gun violence; the right (inexplicable to many) to carry weapons; the deep and angry racial divisions; and, lately, a presidential nominee calling for harsh restrictions on Muslims and Mexicans.

 

The Associated Press sent reporters across the world to ask ordinary people about their views of America. And in the opinions that came back, some clear threads emerge, anecdotal yet illuminating.

___

WHAT IS THE FIRST THOUGHT THAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD "AMERICA"? DESCRIBE THE COUNTRY AS YOU SEE IT:

 

— "The first word that comes to mind when I hear the word America is 'Arrogance.' They are big and loud and they are in charge of everything." — Christopher Darroch, 39, actor, Toronto.

— "Capitalism. Money rules everything. Overweight people, Donald Trump, elections, shootings." — Ingerlise Kristensen, 68, retired bank employee, Copenhagen, Denmark.

— "America is food ... fast food and (Coca) Cola. It's cars. It's the many electronics we have ... the bridge in San Francisco." — Ksenia Smertova, 21, student, Moscow.

— "America? Uhh, that's a huge country. Burgers, the American dream, choppers, ... Elvis, cowboys. We dream of America and they dream about Europe. But one thing for sure, they cannot make beer." — Knut Braaten, 43, handyman, Oslo, Norway.

— "Everything in America is high tech!" — B.S. Mehta, 34, health insurance agent, New Delhi.

— "Has a very liberal culture, great people and a country that drives innovation." — Shitij, 26, sales and marketing worker, New Delhi.

— "A lot of (consumer) products. A lot of dresses, and cars, and all that. A society that has more things than our society." — Antara Rao, 18, economics student, New Delhi.

— "(America) welcomes all different races." — Marren Cahilig, 21, bartender, Manila, Philippines.

— "It is powerful." — Gennelyn Escopete, 33, DVD street vendor, Manila, Philippines

— "Probably capitalism, but I see it more as freedom ... that every person can do what he wants, when he wants — true freedom, but it costs a lot I think, and sometimes it brings you lower than takes you higher." — Karin Cohen, 25, bookshop worker, Jerusalem.

— "The first thing I think when I hear United States is a world power." — Pedro Ivan Gonzalez, 35, juice seller, Havana.

— "It is a world imperialist power country. Obviously (the people) don't have much to do with the government's political decisions but I do think that it is a big, powerful country that has always tried to dominate countries it doesn't favor." — Rosa Moscoso, 42, Havana.

— "A country of freedom, particularly freedom of thought. And it's a country with quite advanced technology industries. You see, I even have two iPhones." — Liu Xiaodan, 30, hotel manager, Beijing.

— "America is a country that produces a massive amount of cultural output such as Hollywood movies, music and many other (forms of) entertainment." — Sam Wang, 20, university student, Beijing.

— "My image of America is a country that goes to war anywhere in the world," — Susumu Inoue, 82, retired agricultural lab technician, Tokyo. — "I think of Major League Baseball," Ayumi Takeoka, 41, housewife, Tokyo.

___

TALK ABOUT ONE EXPERIENCE YOU'VE HAD WITH AMERICA OR AN AMERICAN:

 

— "I have been in the States a few times ... It is a great country and would love to live there. People are nice but superficial. Not sure whether I actually am ready to move there because it must be a tough country to live in. I prefer it here. It is more cozy (laughing), less restrictive ...(made drinking gesture)." — Knut Braaten, 43, handyman, Oslo, Norway.

— "When I was driving to North Carolina I stopped at McDonald's. I was wearing a T-shirt that said, 'You Can't Get This In The States.' The fellow in line asked me in a very American accent, 'Y'all can't get what in the States?' I explained it was a joke, I was from Canada. And he said, 'Oh Canada! Y'all get snow up there.'" — Christopher Darroch, 39, actor, Toronto.

— "I was stunned to see how big everything is over there. Shopping malls, meals, people, cars. We in Europe have smaller things ... What I liked when I was over there was the service level, it was very high. But people expect to be tipped so that is why they are so services-minded. Their approach is different from ours ... we do it because we care about others, they do it because they get tips ... they were raised that way." — Ingerlise Kristensen, 68, retired bank employee, Copenhagen, Denmark.

— "I had a roommate ... a Californian, when I was in Korea as a college exchange student. She was a happy person, better than my Chinese roommate ... there were three of us in the room. The American was easy to talk with and we had a lot of things in common. (She believed) that the people's voice should be heard." — Marren Cahilig, 21, bartender, Manila, Philippines.

— "A friend had an American friend over and he was surprised to see how laid back we are. He also emptied my friend's fridge, saying he's used to eating and drinking whenever he feels hungry or thirsty. And he drank tap water ... oh no!" — Kenni Friis, 28, computer technology student, Copenhagen, Denmark. — "They're generous. If we ask for a high price, they don't bargain. They're calm and kind and friendly and they like to smile." — Gennelyn Escopete, 33, DVD street vendor, Manila, Philippines

— "There is a lot of misconception about their politics. I've seen that many times they are very charismatic, friendly but that does not mean that they share the political thinking of the United States (government)." — Pedro Ivan Gonzalez, 35, Havana.

— "I think the way they are talking and dealing with personal relations is quite direct. They just like speaking their mind, which is a reason that I don't feel quite comfortable going around with Americans." — Liu Xiaodan, 30, hotel manager, Beijing.

— "My impression of Americans is that they uncomplicated. Interpersonal relations among Americans are much more practical, in contrast to the complicated way that we Chinese people treat each other." — Men Xuezhi, 54, doctor, Beijing.

— "I don't like American guys who always pursue their own personal interests. I prefer hanging out with Canadians or students from Europe, because at least they are quite polite." — Li Jiaqi, 23, college student in U.S., renewing his visa in Beijing.

— "An American friend visiting ... came with the idea that he is going to find another America here ... I believe they should understand the values that we have as Arabs, embrace them and try to go to a more local level to comprehend why we think and why we live the way we live." — Summer Abu Ltaif, outside the American University of Beirut.

— "I think everyone is very tolerant there, in a way that there are all kinds of people, whether from different ethnicities, different countries, different religions. People are mostly not concerned with what another (person) is doing. There was a bit of a culture shock when I first went there because the way people dress there is very much different from the way we dress here. All of them wear shorts." — Antara Rao, 18, student, New Delhi.

— "I have traveled all over the United States in Greyhound buses as a tourist. I did not find any discrimination. I found the people ... very hospitable, nice and very cordial." — Kanti, 74, travel agency owner, New Delhi.

___

WHAT MAKES AMERICANS AMERICAN? OR WHAT IDENTIFIES AS AMERICAN TO YOU?

 

— "A black-and-white look at the world. They miss nuances." — Knut Braaten, 43, handyman, Oslo, Norway.

— "I think there obviously is the American dream, the idea that unifies them all. They are also unified in the sense that the dream isn't really a real thing anymore. The reality doesn't match the ideal. What identifies an American? Loudness. All of the Trump stuff in the U.S. has been depressing ... you would like to think people are smarter than that ... but definitely surprising and depressing to see how much support he has and how much support his ideas have." — Christopher Darroch, 39, actor, Toronto.

— "Americans are American because they feel (they are) better than the rest of the world but in reality we are as good as they are. They simply don't see us as their equal ... but we are. Sometimes we are even better than them . but don't tell them (laughing)." — Kenni Friis, 28, computer technology student, Copenhagen, Denmark.

— "You can easily distinguish an American like here in the restaurant. The Americans are more of a tipper, good tippers. Americans are gallant." — Marren Cahilig, 21, bartender, Manila, Philippines.

— "Many things ... their arrogant ideology of a powerful country and above all they have a language that is practically universal and almost everyone depends on that language. And they are a people that like having a lot of fun ... and their brands: McDonald's, all of that, makes the American identity ... or North American ... we call them North Americans rather than Americans, because we all are Americans." — Pedro Ivan Gonzalez, 35, Havana.

— "Technology makes Americans American." — B.S. Mehta, 34, health insurance worker, New Delhi.

— "America is a land of opportunities. I think that anybody with good ideas, if they want to make a mark, it gives you an equal opportunity in that country. America stands out because people recognize merit out there." — Shitij, 26, sales and marketing worker, New Delhi.

— "They believe in democracy, in freedom; they are willing to die, kill, et cetera, for that. They believe in the right to have a good life and to help others to have a good life, and I think that's part of what makes them Americans." — Ziva Meizels, retiree, Jerusalem.

— "I think their patriotism, you know, God bless America. And it is a great country; I have visited it. It's a wonderful country and there is high security, standard of living is very high. So yes, they are fortunate, and it is God bless America — that's what makes America, America." — Summer Abu Ltaif, outside the American University of Beirut.

—"I think that they are formed by an ideology. There are no Americans as such. Because there is no such ethnicity. But there is an ideology that unites them all." — Zhila Gudzueva, university lecturer, Moscow.

— "My definition of Americans is those who are cheerful, friendly and willing to communicate." — Ayumi Takeoka, 41, housewife, Tokyo.

 

 

-- © Associated Press 2016-08-06

[JAG]

To the Citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

 

In light of the imminent somewhat bizarre Presidential election campaign and the likelihood that you will not be able to govern yourselves, and because as we are leaving The European Union our “engines of state” have time on their hands, no longer having to engage in pointless arguments with Brussels “Fonctionaires” about bent bananas, vacuum cleaners and light bulbs; we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

 

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she really does not fancy).

 

Her Majesties Prime Minister will appoint a Governor General for America without the need for further elections. Initially he or she will be from The UK, but in a fairly short time the Governor General will be selected from amongst your own politicians, as is the case with Her Majesties other Dominions. Suitable candidates will be invited to serve (to advise her) on her “Privy Council”. Her Majesty will almost certainly invite Mr and Mrs Obama to serve on it – she rather likes them and finds their children very well behaved. She may even make him her Governor General – do you think that would be well received?

 

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

 

To aid in the transition to a British Dominion within The Commonwealth (if you want to know what a Dominion is ask your neighbours in Canada), the following will happen with immediate effect:

 

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.'

 

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' '

 

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

 

4. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left hand side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. We had to do it so it is only fair. Roundabouts will help you understand the British sense of humour. Arbitrarily enforced metrication, imposed without popular consent and enforced by a body beyond your borders and which you have not elected may also help you to understand why we have chosen to leave the European Union.

5. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline – we're not sure why), of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.)

 

6. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with ketchup but with vinegar.

 

7 . The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

 

8. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

 

9. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full body armour like a bunch of nancies).

 

10. Further, you will stop playing baseball, or “rounders” as it is more properly called in the United Kingdom, where it is usually played in girls schools. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since so few of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. We will in time teach you cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (who are rather good at it) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

 

11. Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, (never mugs), high quality biscuits (you used to call them cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. Making a proper cup of tea (hot, with milk, and served without any vegetation or fruit bobbing around in it) will become a compulsory part of your children's education. The ghastly insipid fluid which you refer to as “tea” really is the worst legacy of your unfortunate post colonial experiment, and is quite possibly one of the major contributors to the unfortunate situation in which you find yourselves. You should be aware, on the subject of “Tea Time”, that it is effectively inviolable, and that there are no circumstances in which we can imagine “Tea Time” being delayed or cancelled.

 

12. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

 

God Save the Queen

 

Edited August 6, 2016 by JAG

[digibum]

I've lived in Europe twice (total of about 6 years) and Asia for about 3 years (with a lot of European expats).  If there's one thing I've learned about a lot of Europeans is that they tend to have these really dark visions of what America and Americans are like but they all have American friends who are totally not like that.  :-)  All the Americans that they know personally are cool but all the ones they've never met fit whatever stereotype they have of Americans.  

 

And believe me, Europeans loooooooooooooove to tell you what they think about America and Americans.  As an American if you go to any pub or bar in Europe alone and they hear the accent, without fail someone will walk up and ask if you're American and then go on a 15 minute monologue telling you what they think about Americans.  

 

 

[digibum]

6 minutes ago, JAG said:

To the Citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

 

Almost as funny as when I read it back in 2004.  

 

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/revocation.asp

 

Like I said, Europeans loooooooooooooove sharing their views on what they think of America.  

[Thian]

9 minutes ago, digibum said:

I've lived in Europe twice (total of about 6 years) and Asia for about 3 years (with a lot of European expats).  If there's one thing I've learned about a lot of Europeans is that they tend to have these really dark visions of what America and Americans are like but they all have American friends who are totally not like that.  :-)  All the Americans that they know personally are cool but all the ones they've never met fit whatever stereotype they have of Americans.  

 

And believe me, Europeans loooooooooooooove to tell you what they think about America and Americans.  As an American if you go to any pub or bar in Europe alone and they hear the accent, without fail someone will walk up and ask if you're American and then go on a 15 minute monologue telling you what they think about Americans.  

 

 

 

Right, when will i get my money back which they stole from our banks? Been asking several times now, getting desperate.

[JAG]

18 minutes ago, digibum said:

 

Almost as funny as when I read it back in 2004.  

 

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/revocation.asp

 

Like I said, Europeans loooooooooooooove sharing their views on what they think of America.  

 

Oh I make no claim to authorship - there are umpteen versions kicking around. This one is just the most recent I've seen.

 

Incidentally, I've spent a fair amount of time in the US and worked with Americans. I liked the place and the people...

[ramrod711]

 But one thing for sure, they cannot make beer."

 

Sad but true, I was a long haul trucker for many years, met many really nice people and was treated well. I can't say that I've drank much of the craft beers so my criticism is of the national brands, they're not very good, never stopped me from drinking them mind you, but Canadian beer is much better.

[neverdie]

I love Americans, very entertaining folk.

 

Beautiful country too, I haven't seen all of it, wish I had, but the parts I did see were very special indeed.  Fantastic service country indeed and the folk there always seem to like chatting to an Aussie.

 

Sadly, I feel Americans have been led down a very dark dirty track by their respective governments over the last 30 or 40 years. Such a shame for them.

 

A political overhaul is long overdue.

 

Some of the biggest meals I have ever seen served up, have been in the USA.  Boy do they know how to eat 555555555

[Jingthing]

8 minutes ago, ramrod711 said:

 But one thing for sure, they cannot make beer."

 

Sad but true, I was a long haul trucker for many years, met many really nice people and was treated well. I can't say that I've drank much of the craft beers so my criticism is of the national brands, they're not very good, never stopped me from drinking them mind you, but Canadian beer is much better.

Yeah the mass market beers are not good (is Chang good?) but there has been a huge growth in smaller breweries and many of those are VERY good indeed. So, no, it is NOT true that Americans can't make beer. Who started beer in the USA anyway? Germans. Now, it's hipsters. 

[Golden Triangle]

Nothing wrong with Americans at all, I have visited loads of places, from Arizona to Hawaii and plenty more besides. I love the hospitality, geniality and real friendliness that they show to visitors. I was once on an overnight flight from London to Miami, had no plans, nowhere to stay or anything planned, I got into conversation with this old guy next to me, in the end he offered to drive me down towards Little Venice, found a lovely hotel for me and went on his way, how good is that ? Plus I have found that they also love my London accent, I love the Septics to bits 

[Golden Triangle]

10 minutes ago, neverdie said:

I love Americans, very entertaining folk.

 

Beautiful country too, I haven't seen all of it, wish I had, but the parts I did see were very special indeed.  Fantastic service country indeed and the folk there always seem to like chatting to an Aussie.

 

Sadly, I feel Americans have been led down a very dark dirty track by their respective governments over the last 30 or 40 years. Such a shame for them.

 

A political overhaul is long overdue.

 

Some of the biggest meals I have ever seen served up, have been in the USA.  Boy do they know how to eat 555555555

 

Gotta agree with you on that, and do they ever have some great food 

[ramrod711]

Some of the biggest meals I have ever seen served up, have been in the USA.  Boy do they know how to eat 555555555

 

Fantastic road food, I used to stop at Kleins truck stop in Fresno whenever I was in the area, a platter of chicken fried steak, sausage gravy, fries, biscuits, absolutely delicious and impossible to eat it all. The highway system is fantastic, truck stops the best, and repair shops for trucks, trailers and refrigeration units always handy. You can buy a map for every county, city and a truckers atlas that will tell you where the scales, inspection stations and low bridges are all across the country. I truly enjoyed trucking in the U S A.

[mesterm]

When I think of America all I can think about is Donald...

 

...

 

...

 

Duck

[DrTuner]

Americans? I thought they died of extinction. Haven't seen one in Pattaya for ages.

[Pinot]

It's funny how few Americans there are in LOS. I'm one of the few in my little Phuket Muslim town. 

 

After being here for seven years I don't miss the US. I miss American sports. Walk into a bar all I see is footy, rugby and cricket. Not real sports like baseball and football. 

 

I know the Thai girls like Americans. That may be because there are so few of them. I think we're at the top of the list as far as punters go. It may be because I'm a handsome man also...I don't know. 

 

I hear criticism of Americans, much of it deserved. Proud to be from there. Ain't going back. 

[soc]

4 hours ago, ramrod711 said:

 But one thing for sure, they cannot make beer."

 

Sad but true, I was a long haul trucker for many years, met many really nice people and was treated well. I can't say that I've drank much of the craft beers so my criticism is of the national brands, they're not very good, never stopped me from drinking them mind you, but Canadian beer is much better.

Coors from Colorado, l found to be an excellent beer.

[soc]

3 hours ago, ramrod711 said:

Some of the biggest meals I have ever seen served up, have been in the USA.  Boy do they know how to eat 555555555

 

Fantastic road food, I used to stop at Kleins truck stop in Fresno whenever I was in the area, a platter of chicken fried steak, sausage gravy, fries, biscuits, absolutely delicious and impossible to eat it all. The highway system is fantastic, truck stops the best, and repair shops for trucks, trailers and refrigeration units always handy. You can buy a map for every county, city and a truckers atlas that will tell you where the scales, inspection stations and low bridges are all across the country. I truly enjoyed trucking in the U S A.

So did l.

[ozyjon]

When i heard Trump wanted to build a wall along Mexico (to keep Mexicans) from entering

the US i decided to research the subject, it seems building a wall along Mexico was not to

(to keep Mexicans out) but rather to keep it's citizens in,,, why

* it seems Mexicans are leaving the US at record numbers

the economy of Mexico is growing faster than that of the US

* US citizens pay tax globally,  many citizens are renouncing their citizenship

and leaving the US at record numbers.

It puts things into perspective, mainstream media tends to take things out of context.

[RaoulDuke]

5 hours ago, digibum said:

I've lived in Europe twice (total of about 6 years) and Asia for about 3 years (with a lot of European expats).  If there's one thing I've learned about a lot of Europeans is that they tend to have these really dark visions of what America and Americans are like but they all have American friends who are totally not like that.  :-)  All the Americans that they know personally are cool but all the ones they've never met fit whatever stereotype they have of Americans. 

 

 

 

To be fair, the Americans that people in other countries encounter in their own country tend to be the more open-minded people who actually own passports and know what the world is like beyond their own state line and what they see on TV.  There are a disturbingly large number of Americans who will never leave the good ole USA, not because they lack the means to travel (at this point, RT airfare from USA to Europe or Asia is actually often on par or less than a 2-3 hour flight to a different state), but because they 'know' that 'murica is THE BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!!! So why on earth would they bother going anywhere else?! Those tend to the the small-minded, ignorant, and frequently dreadful members of society that people outside (and even inside) the country rightly fear. Of course, the small percentage of Americans that travel internationally and actually mingle with people from other countries will be much more open-minded and friendly.  This is, of course, true of all nationalities to a certain extent. The most racist and xenophobic people tend to keep to their own, regardless of where they live. 

[elgordo38]

6 hours ago, JAG said:

To the Citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

 

In light of the imminent somewhat bizarre Presidential election campaign and the likelihood that you will not be able to govern yourselves, and because as we are leaving The European Union our “engines of state” have time on their hands, no longer having to engage in pointless arguments with Brussels “Fonctionaires” about bent bananas, vacuum cleaners and light bulbs; we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

 

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she really does not fancy).

 

Her Majesties Prime Minister will appoint a Governor General for America without the need for further elections. Initially he or she will be from The UK, but in a fairly short time the Governor General will be selected from amongst your own politicians, as is the case with Her Majesties other Dominions. Suitable candidates will be invited to serve (to advise her) on her “Privy Council”. Her Majesty will almost certainly invite Mr and Mrs Obama to serve on it – she rather likes them and finds their children very well behaved. She may even make him her Governor General – do you think that would be well received?

 

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

 

To aid in the transition to a British Dominion within The Commonwealth (if you want to know what a Dominion is ask your neighbours in Canada), the following will happen with immediate effect:

 

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.'

 

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' '

 

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

 

4. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left hand side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. We had to do it so it is only fair. Roundabouts will help you understand the British sense of humour. Arbitrarily enforced metrication, imposed without popular consent and enforced by a body beyond your borders and which you have not elected may also help you to understand why we have chosen to leave the European Union.

5. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline – we're not sure why), of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.)

 

6. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with ketchup but with vinegar.

 

7 . The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

 

8. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

 

9. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full body armour like a bunch of nancies).

 

10. Further, you will stop playing baseball, or “rounders” as it is more properly called in the United Kingdom, where it is usually played in girls schools. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since so few of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. We will in time teach you cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (who are rather good at it) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

 

11. Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, (never mugs), high quality biscuits (you used to call them cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. Making a proper cup of tea (hot, with milk, and served without any vegetation or fruit bobbing around in it) will become a compulsory part of your children's education. The ghastly insipid fluid which you refer to as “tea” really is the worst legacy of your unfortunate post colonial experiment, and is quite possibly one of the major contributors to the unfortunate situation in which you find yourselves. You should be aware, on the subject of “Tea Time”, that it is effectively inviolable, and that there are no circumstances in which we can imagine “Tea Time” being delayed or cancelled.

 

12. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

 

God Save the Queen

 

Another conspiracy theorist. Next thing you know he will ask who blew up the World Trade Center and killed Cock Robin. Yes George Bush going to war in Iraq was legally sanctioned. Ask Tony Blair. He is presently trying to get his brown nose whitened. He is on his 2nd handout job selling the important knowledge he picked up as Prime Minister. He must be close to his 3rd handout job. By the time he retires he no doubt will be quadruple dipping in yea ole pension fund.  This seems to be the criteria for most politicians now days. I know eat your heart out. The secret to life is believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see. My ole Grandmother told me that so it must be true. 

Edited August 6, 2016 by elgordo38

[digibum]

2 hours ago, soc said:

Coors from Colorado, l found to be an excellent beer.

 

I'm American and gotta say, ewwwwww, on that one :-)  

 

My wife loves Coors though.  It's the only beer she'll drink.  

 

Our mass market beers are pretty horrible.  I can't think of a single one that is on par with what you can get in Canada or Europe.  But our microbrews are often better than anything you can get in Canada or Europe.  

[pattayahenry]

https://www.thevintagenews.com/2016/06/03/laos-hit-average-one-b‑52-bombload-every-8-minutes-24-hours-day-9-years/
Laos was hit by an average of one B‑52 bombload every 8 minutes, 24 hours a day for 9 YEARS!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UM2eYLbzXg
Bombing Missions Over Laos From 1965-1973
There are now close to 78 million unexploded bomblets littering rice fields, villages, school grounds, roads and other populated areas in Laos, hindering development
The U.S. spent as much in three days bombing Laos ($51M, in 2010 dollars) than it spent for clean up over 16 years ($51M).
that is america

 

[digibum]

1 hour ago, RaoulDuke said:

 

To be fair, the Americans that people in other countries encounter in their own country tend to be the more open-minded people who actually own passports and know what the world is like beyond their own state line and what they see on TV.  There are a disturbingly large number of Americans who will never leave the good ole USA, not because they lack the means to travel (at this point, RT airfare from USA to Europe or Asia is actually often on par or less than a 2-3 hour flight to a different state), but because they 'know' that 'murica is THE BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!!! So why on earth would they bother going anywhere else?! Those tend to the the small-minded, ignorant, and frequently dreadful members of society that people outside (and even inside) the country rightly fear. Of course, the small percentage of Americans that travel internationally and actually mingle with people from other countries will be much more open-minded and friendly.  This is, of course, true of all nationalities to a certain extent. The most racist and xenophobic people tend to keep to their own, regardless of where they live. 

 

So, I'll repeat the same speech I've given countless times before to people who don't "get" Americans.  

 

Americans don't travel?  The United States is a country that stretches 3,000 miles coast to coast and covers almost 4 million square miles (compared to Europe which is a little over a third that size).  

 

I'm a southern California boy which means at certain times of the year I could surf the waves in Malibu in the morning and be snow skiing in Big Bear in the afternoon.  Literally, I've done this before (though I don't surf, I body surf).  I've been on the beach in the AM and on snow covered mountain in the PM.  America has nearly every type of geography and weather.  And if we want to get really exotic we can go to Hawaii which blows away Thailand in terms of beaches and natural eco-beauty.  

 

I don't say that like, "We're so great" but to emphasize the fact that we don't need a passport to see a massively diverse landscape of natural beauty.  Some Brit who has never been outside of Europe is no better than an American who has never been outside of the US.  

 

Many Americans spend their retirement years in RV's traveling around the country.  They might spend several months or even several years just touring the country by road.  

 

I think one of the things that keeps Americans on US soil is the fact that being in the US means they can count on enough things being the same from state to state (i.e. electrical outlets, laws, language, etc) but also encounter vastly different cultures.  Texans are about as different from New Yorkers as the Spanish are from Swedes.  

 

Not that xenophobia or perceived exceptionalism doesn't exist.  We have our fair share.  But this constant critique of Americans because they don't travel is so often out of context.  

 

That's partially because ignoring these facts plays into the American stereotypes others have.  Americans are arrogant because they think their country is better than other countries.  Americans are full of themselves.  Yadda, yadda, yadda.  

 

Believe me, I've heard it a gazillion times before.  In the pubs in London, on beaches in Spain, in bars in Bangkok, etc.  Europeans love to bring up the passport issue.  Yet, every single one of them who has actually been to America will always have a story to share about how nicely they were treated.  How people were really interested in their accent and bought them a drink or asked questions about their country.  

 

Europeans also love to bring up Donald Trump and George Bush as evidence that Americans are jingoistic hillbillies.  But you know those Brits who voted for Brexit?  Yeah, those are our Trump and Bush supporters.  You know the far far right MPs you get in France, Italy, Germany, and the Netherlands?  Yeah, those are our Trump and Bush supporters.  

 

You guys have them too.  And every so often they get organized enough to actually win elections.  

 

Admittedly, because of how our presidential system works we're more prone to electing the fringe elements but don't pretend they don't exist in your own country.  

 

Another issue Europeans don't get is the guns.  They think we're gun crazy.  

 

This is a point I can only explain.  I do not own a gun.  Other than my time in the military, I have never owned a gun.  But I do understand the core argument of the people who do own guns.  

 

The right of citizens to own guns is considered by many to be baked into our constitution.  Not everyone agrees with that interpretation of the constitution but those that do cite that the authors of the constitution felt that an armed citizenry was the only deterrent to governments abusing the rights of the people.  Given that the document was written at a time when the American people felt that the English were oppressing them and their rights, it's sort of an important element. 

 

Now, that's where there's some difference.  Some people think the authors of the constitution meant that states should have their own armies to protect themselves (and the states do have such armies, called the National Guard).  Others read it to mean that individuals should have the right to own guns.  A lot of the debate about guns boils down to grammar.  

 

So, assuming you believe that an armed citizenry is the only thing standing between you and government oppression, what is the one right that you are unwilling to sacrifice?  

 

But, almost 75% of Americans don't own guns.  Yes, in gun crazy America, only 25% of the population own guns.  But those that do, tend to own a lot of them.  Almost half of that 25% that own guns owns more than 4 guns.  And nearly 5 million people  (about 1.5% of the entire US population) are members of the National Rife Association (NRA) which aggressively fights against any limitations on gun ownership and does a pretty good job of stoking the emotions of people who are already prone to subscribing to the view that the government has to be held back by gun carrying citizens and that if they concede even a little bit that eventually the government will claw back all of their rights and it will be the end of America.  

 

The NRA, though relatively small, takes in a lot of money from members though.  This is why you can have 90% of people polled saying that they want stronger background checks on gun purchases and lawmakers do nothing.  The NRA will not only fund your campaign if you are friendly to gun rights but they will fund your opponent if you are perceived being anti-gun rights.

 

That said, the vast majority of gun owners are responsible people.  They own guns for hunting or for home protection.  The guys you see carrying AR15s in McDonald's to show off their right to own guns are not the norm.  

 

So the image of Americans walking around like Yosemite Sam, bang, bang firing guns in the air everywhere we go doesn't really hold up to facts.  We obviously seem gun crazed to people who come from countries where private gun ownership is not allowed but I don't see that as an accurate reflection of what's really going on.  

 

Also, America was sort of founded on the premise that power corrupts.  There was always an underlying tone amongst the people who wrote the constitution that the people might just have to rise up and seize back control if the government ever became too powerful.  So Americans have always had a very different attitude towards the government than a lot of other countries where the king or the government already had power and had to give some of it back to the people.  Americans started off from the premise that government only exists at the will of the people and as such, it's the people's duty to keep the government in check.  

 

Of course, a guy with a shot gun versus the US Army is no match but but for those that believe it's their job to keep the government in check, giving up the last resort method of controlling an out of control government to them just confirms that they've already lost control.  

 

[smotherb]

9 hours ago, JAG said:

To the Citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

 

In light of the imminent somewhat bizarre Presidential election campaign and the likelihood that you will not be able to govern yourselves, and because as we are leaving The European Union our “engines of state” have time on their hands, no longer having to engage in pointless arguments with Brussels “Fonctionaires” about bent bananas, vacuum cleaners and light bulbs; we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

 

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she really does not fancy).

 

Her Majesties Prime Minister will appoint a Governor General for America without the need for further elections. Initially he or she will be from The UK, but in a fairly short time the Governor General will be selected from amongst your own politicians, as is the case with Her Majesties other Dominions. Suitable candidates will be invited to serve (to advise her) on her “Privy Council”. Her Majesty will almost certainly invite Mr and Mrs Obama to serve on it – she rather likes them and finds their children very well behaved. She may even make him her Governor General – do you think that would be well received?

 

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

 

To aid in the transition to a British Dominion within The Commonwealth (if you want to know what a Dominion is ask your neighbours in Canada), the following will happen with immediate effect:

 

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.'

 

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' '

 

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

 

4. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left hand side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. We had to do it so it is only fair. Roundabouts will help you understand the British sense of humour. Arbitrarily enforced metrication, imposed without popular consent and enforced by a body beyond your borders and which you have not elected may also help you to understand why we have chosen to leave the European Union.

5. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline – we're not sure why), of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.)

 

6. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with ketchup but with vinegar.

 

7 . The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

 

8. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in “Four Weddings and a Funeral” was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

 

9. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full body armour like a bunch of nancies).

 

10. Further, you will stop playing baseball, or “rounders” as it is more properly called in the United Kingdom, where it is usually played in girls schools. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since so few of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. We will in time teach you cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (who are rather good at it) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

 

11. Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, (never mugs), high quality biscuits (you used to call them cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. Making a proper cup of tea (hot, with milk, and served without any vegetation or fruit bobbing around in it) will become a compulsory part of your children's education. The ghastly insipid fluid which you refer to as “tea” really is the worst legacy of your unfortunate post colonial experiment, and is quite possibly one of the major contributors to the unfortunate situation in which you find yourselves. You should be aware, on the subject of “Tea Time”, that it is effectively inviolable, and that there are no circumstances in which we can imagine “Tea Time” being delayed or cancelled.

 

12. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

 

God Save the Queen

 

  Bring it on: remember, we all have guns.

[smotherb]

3 hours ago, RaoulDuke said:

 

To be fair, the Americans that people in other countries encounter in their own country tend to be the more open-minded people who actually own passports and know what the world is like beyond their own state line and what they see on TV.  There are a disturbingly large number of Americans who will never leave the good ole USA, not because they lack the means to travel (at this point, RT airfare from USA to Europe or Asia is actually often on par or less than a 2-3 hour flight to a different state), but because they 'know' that 'murica is THE BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!!! So why on earth would they bother going anywhere else?! Those tend to the the small-minded, ignorant, and frequently dreadful members of society that people outside (and even inside) the country rightly fear. Of course, the small percentage of Americans that travel internationally and actually mingle with people from other countries will be much more open-minded and friendly.  This is, of course, true of all nationalities to a certain extent. The most racist and xenophobic people tend to keep to their own, regardless of where they live. 

 As you say,  almost all Americans can afford to travel overseas, but they simply don't want to leave the US. You want sunny beaches and sand all year long, mountains with snow all year long; forrests, rivers, lakes, valleys, big cities, small towns, rolling hills, vast plains, deserts, swamps, tropical jungle, sports, entertainment, night life, restaurants, theater, universities, hospitals, ad infinitum--and perhaps more importantly, no need to go anywhere else and give "them thar furriners" anything.

[smotherb]

9 hours ago, Thian said:

 

Right, when will i get my money back which they stole from our banks? Been asking several times now, getting desperate.

Oh please, just forgive the debt the way the US forgave yours

[Thian]

48 minutes ago, smotherb said:

Oh please, just forgive the debt the way the US forgave yours

 

No way, also we want to have our gold back soon, just like Germany.

 

VW also paid allready, what takes you guys so long?? They really think we will buy Fords even after that open trade deal between usa-eu?

Also EU banks who frauded with interestrates and commoditymarkets paid the whole damage within a few months.

 

Americans act like they can't help what happened, well sure they can! Those frauding US banks bought off their misbehaviour to some American institution, we in EU have never seen a penny of it.

[Watchful]

10 hours ago, mesterm said:

When I think America all I can think about is Donald...

 

 

Duck

What about that beautiful couple ... Bill and Hill  aka lying Bill and lying Hill. Don't they make a beautiful couple?  Now there is  marriage made in hell!

[mesterm]

17 minutes ago, Watchful said:

What about that beautiful couple ... Bill and Hill  aka lying Bill and lying Hill. Don't they make a beautiful couple?  Now there is  marriage made in hell!

 

Hey, come on... he just "happened" to meet the attorney general in the airport

[SpokaneAl]

 

So, I'll repeat the same speech I've given countless times before to people who don't "get" Americans.  

 

Americans don't travel?  The United States is a country that stretches 3,000 miles coast to coast and covers almost 4 million square miles (compared to Europe which is a little over a third that size).  

 

I'm a southern California boy which means at certain times of the year I could surf the waves in Malibu in the morning and be snow skiing in Big Bear in the afternoon.  Literally, I've done this before (though I don't surf, I body surf).  I've been on the beach in the AM and on snow covered mountain in the PM.  America has nearly every type of geography and weather.  And if we want to get really exotic we can go to Hawaii which blows away Thailand in terms of beaches and natural eco-beauty.  

 

I don't say that like, "We're so great" but to emphasize the fact that we don't need a passport to see a massively diverse landscape of natural beauty.  Some Brit who has never been outside of Europe is no better than an American who has never been outside of the US.  

 

Many Americans spend their retirement years in RV's traveling around the country.  They might spend several months or even several years just touring the country by road.  

 

I think one of the things that keeps Americans on US soil is the fact that being in the US means they can count on enough things being the same from state to state (i.e. electrical outlets, laws, language, etc) but also encounter vastly different cultures.  Texans are about as different from New Yorkers as the Spanish are from Swedes.  

 

Not that xenophobia or perceived exceptionalism doesn't exist.  We have our fair share.  But this constant critique of Americans because they don't travel is so often out of context.  

 

That's partially because ignoring these facts plays into the American stereotypes others have.  Americans are arrogant because they think their country is better than other countries.  Americans are full of themselves.  Yadda, yadda, yadda.  

 

Believe me, I've heard it a gazillion times before.  In the pubs in London, on beaches in Spain, in bars in Bangkok, etc.  Europeans love to bring up the passport issue.  Yet, every single one of them who has actually been to America will always have a story to share about how nicely they were treated.  How people were really interested in their accent and bought them a drink or asked questions about their country.  

 

Europeans also love to bring up Donald Trump and George Bush as evidence that Americans are jingoistic hillbillies.  But you know those Brits who voted for Brexit?  Yeah, those are our Trump and Bush supporters.  You know the far far right MPs you get in France, Italy, Germany, and the Netherlands?  Yeah, those are our Trump and Bush supporters.  

 

You guys have them too.  And every so often they get organized enough to actually win elections.  

 

Admittedly, because of how our presidential system works we're more prone to electing the fringe elements but don't pretend they don't exist in your own country.  

 

Another issue Europeans don't get is the guns.  They think we're gun crazy.  

 

This is a point I can only explain.  I do not own a gun.  Other than my time in the military, I have never owned a gun.  But I do understand the core argument of the people who do own guns.  

 

The right of citizens to own guns is considered by many to be baked into our constitution.  Not everyone agrees with that interpretation of the constitution but those that do cite that the authors of the constitution felt that an armed citizenry was the only deterrent to governments abusing the rights of the people.  Given that the document was written at a time when the American people felt that the English were oppressing them and their rights, it's sort of an important element. 

 

Now, that's where there's some difference.  Some people think the authors of the constitution meant that states should have their own armies to protect themselves (and the states do have such armies, called the National Guard).  Others read it to mean that individuals should have the right to own guns.  A lot of the debate about guns boils down to grammar.  

 

So, assuming you believe that an armed citizenry is the only thing standing between you and government oppression, what is the one right that you are unwilling to sacrifice?  

 

But, almost 75% of Americans don't own guns.  Yes, in gun crazy America, only 25% of the population own guns.  But those that do, tend to own a lot of them.  Almost half of that 25% that own guns owns more than 4 guns.  And nearly 5 million people  (about 1.5% of the entire US population) are members of the National Rife Association (NRA) which aggressively fights against any limitations on gun ownership and does a pretty good job of stoking the emotions of people who are already prone to subscribing to the view that the government has to be held back by gun carrying citizens and that if they concede even a little bit that eventually the government will claw back all of their rights and it will be the end of America.  

 

The NRA, though relatively small, takes in a lot of money from members though.  This is why you can have 90% of people polled saying that they want stronger background checks on gun purchases and lawmakers do nothing.  The NRA will not only fund your campaign if you are friendly to gun rights but they will fund your opponent if you are perceived being anti-gun rights.

 

That said, the vast majority of gun owners are responsible people.  They own guns for hunting or for home protection.  The guys you see carrying AR15s in McDonald's to show off their right to own guns are not the norm.  

 

So the image of Americans walking around like Yosemite Sam, bang, bang firing guns in the air everywhere we go doesn't really hold up to facts.  We obviously seem gun crazed to people who come from countries where private gun ownership is not allowed but I don't see that as an accurate reflection of what's really going on.  

 

Also, America was sort of founded on the premise that power corrupts.  There was always an underlying tone amongst the people who wrote the constitution that the people might just have to rise up and seize back control if the government ever became too powerful.  So Americans have always had a very different attitude towards the government than a lot of other countries where the king or the government already had power and had to give some of it back to the people.  Americans started off from the premise that government only exists at the will of the people and as such, it's the people's duty to keep the government in check.  

 

Of course, a guy with a shot gun versus the US Army is no match but but for those that believe it's their job to keep the government in check, giving up the last resort method of controlling an out of control government to them just confirms that they've already lost control.  

 

Very nicely stated.


Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect